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Am I wrong for hoping this?
I'm 20 and my boyfriend is about 26, with a child who he never gets to see.
The thing is, I see myself with him for a long time, but from the pictures i've seen of the child I just don't think its his.
I feel guilty because I want him to prove it is, and I am hoping it will come back negative, but I do have a reason for that
1). the mother is horrible, she never lets him see the child even though he tries to be a part of his life in any way
2). I can't help but feel like I can't give him anything now, I feel like whoever you had a PLANNED first child with must be one of the most special people in your life, if I gave him a child as well it would always be second best
3). Also, on the subject of our family, I'd hate it if he had another child already, I'd want my children to get everything, not have him fighting to see some other kid...
I feel terrible and I havn't said anything to him because I know he'd get furious at me "insulting" his ex and his child, but I can't help but feel like this :/
Oh and no lectures about being too young for a family, I'm looking to the future and not stupid, I'll have a good job and be sorted in my own life before I plan on making a family, it's just something that bothers me :/
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If he has concerns about the child being his or not, then you can support him. You can certainly ASK him if he has concerns or has ever considered a paternity test.
If he doesn't, if he is confident that this child is his, then you need to back out and respect his belief and his choice. Whatever you think about it, you can ask once, but after that, it is insulting to continue to push.
Reason 1.) is an awful situation, but it doesn't mean the child isn't his, it only means she's a bitch. That isn't something you or he can control. If he wants to enforce visitation, he should seek that in court. He has a right to it.
Reason 2.) and 3.) are immature, irrational and petty. I'm not blaming you - they are normal fears to have, but you should honestly seek counseling if you plan to be with this guy in the long term. You are going to need to deal with those feelings or they will damage your relationship with him, and any future children. That kind of negativity and jealousy towards an innocent child isn't helpful or respectful of the child, or of your boyfriend.
It's good that you are considering what kind of life and family you want, but you are going to have to address some of this negativity towards your boyfriend's child. It's poison and it's a problem.
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