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How to stand up for myself to him <<< Previous Question
Next Question >>> Am I wrong for hoping this?

how healthy is it to have rules in a relationship?


Question Posted Friday July 6 2012, 9:07 am

I need to know wot people think of rules in a relationship. I have this boyfriend with whom I got too many do's and dont's.
Well things like get home early in the evenings when out with friends (m talking 7 pm!)which is really early. Strictly no meeting up with Male friends unless my boyfriend is informed. Even if allowed to meet any, strict deadlines to get back home early. No talking to anybody after 10pm (be it anybody except family )family was made an exception on my request. No wearing shorts or sleeveless! though something i wud have loved in a store.Strictly no drinking when he is not around (he is in a different country). One of my best friend's happens to be a guy. my boyfriend never liked him since this friend cared a lot for me. So one more rule added- 'never talking to him again'!

Well all this i followed religiously until today where I got 2 days left for my birthday and my friends are planning a girls night out. so that means drinking involved. I tried asking my boyfriend if could have this party(strictly girls party) . But he says 'NO'! n also mentions its hurting to say 'no'. Last birthday he didnt let me receive phone calls! so i missed lot of people trying to wish me on my birthday. Later he justified saying he said that only when we were busy with something else. Is this healthy? peolpe say life is not a fairytale. is it true to this extent? what should I do?


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adviceman49 answered Saturday July 7 2012, 4:44 pm:
The person is not a boyfriend he is a controller and abusive person should you two ever become a couple living in the same place. Controlling your every move, what you wear, who you see, who you talk to is mental abuse and it will get worse if you are together.

A boyfriend, even in long distance romances, is someone who cares for you, who will cherish the time he spends with you. Who will help you grow and experience life and you do the same for him.

Tell him his rules are too controlling, he's too controlling and this is not what you want from life. That he is not to have any more contact with you.

Go out with your friends and have a good time celebrating your birthday. But first go shopping and buy some clothes that you want to wear that night that you like and want to wear.

Unless you live in some Islamic country, which it doesn't sound like you do, you have certain rights to live your life as you see fit. No one, not a boyfriend or husband has the right to tell you how to live your life. As a married couple you live a life together. A 50/50 relationship where you try to find a medium point that satisfies both. In dating you look for that person who you can marry and have that 50/50 relationship with. What you have with this boy is a one way deal. This is not the life anyone should have. Tell him to come in to the 21st century, but to do it with someone else.

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alexisgirlie answered Friday July 6 2012, 8:43 pm:
You deserve a boy that's better than that. Your boyfriend has no right to control your life. You are your own person, and if you want to wear shorts and sleeveless then do! You have the right to have male friends, and have girls only parties, and whatever else it is.

You have to stand up for yourself, and tell your boyfriend to stop controlling you. If he doesn't listen, then go find someone else. You deserve so much more, and your boyfriend doesn't deserve you. Who does he think he is? This is not healthy at all, and it needs to stop.

Good luck and I hope you work it out :)

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Drewb13 answered Friday July 6 2012, 8:37 pm:
Your boyfriend has way to many rules. Rules are very healthy in a relationship, but to many can be suffocating. Rules are supposed to be more like boundaries you don't cross in order to maintain a trustworthy relationship. But not letting you live your life is not one of them. Think about if you were married to this guy. Would your marriage be like this? If I were you, I wouldn't want my girlfriend to have me under lock and key. I would want her to be able to trust me. So here's the deal. You need to talk to your boyfriend and let him know how you feel and ask him to give you a good reason as to why he has so many rules. Once you've done that, you both will come up with a few rules and they must be reasonable and both parties must agree to the terms. You could even put it on paper. But if he doesn't want to listen, then you can decide where you want your relationship to go.
I hope this helps.

~Andrew~

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Xui answered Friday July 6 2012, 8:32 pm:
You're boyfriend is controlling you. These are not "rules" it is mental abuse.

You are not his property nor does he own you. If you want to wear sleeveless, shorts, heels, in public. Then do it! It's free country.

If you want me to just spill the beans, Dump him.

Nobody ever has the right to tell someone how they can and can't dress. Again, He doesn't own you. If he doesn't like how you dress, act then tough! Move on and find someone way better. Truthfully? Relationships are about being happy with someone. Feeling good about yourself, partnership. Not telling someone what they do and how to live their lives. You do not need to ask him anything, If you want to go out with your friends then again you have every right to do so. Don't become his puppet!

Really please, Just dump him and find someone new who will appreciate you. Jealousy is not loving someone. I would cut the contact when you do, He doesn't deserve your friendship either.

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