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humorist-workshop
Mad at a guy and helped another guy cheat :(
So I'm 17/F and the other night I was at a party on a college campus and it ended up ending a lot sooner than I thought. I was supposed to be spending the night with one of my friends but she went off with her boyfriend because they were in a big fight and basically ditched me... This guy that I kind of have been having a thing with that was there (we'll call him Matt: 19) was like "hey we can just chill in my car and figure it out" cause we were both too drunk to drive. So we're walking to his car and this dude starts yelling stuff at me and I don't really remember what he said lol but I think it was pretty sexual/rude cause it pissed Matt off and Matt was trying to start something with him cause he gets like that when he's drunk... anyway last thing I remember after that was sitting down on the sidewalk being really confused. I woke up in Matt's car but Matt wasn't there, neither were the keys, and the windows were down. I got pretty scared cause I didn't know where he was and I was just sitting in this open car in the middle of a college campus and Matt's phone was in the car so I didn't know what else to do but call one of my freinds Jake to come pick me up. He picks me up and since my friend ditched me and I couldn't go home I ended up having to spend the night at Jakes hous. Jake and I have a history of almost hooking up but never actually doing it and he has a girlfriend now so I knew we had to be extra careful and I was like, I'm not gonna hook up with him. But I was really drunk and so mad at Matt for just leaving me in his car (he ended up texting me saying he was fine and that he was just gonna spend the night in his car so I knew he was okay but I was pissed he had just left me like that). Anyway,I was upset and drunk and I didn't feel well so Jake layed me on his couch and started rubbing my back. He put my head in his lap (on a pillow) and kept going but started to go under my pants... he took my hand and held it for a little while then started moving it toward his penis. I don't know what I was thinking but when he pulled down his pants and put my head there I just started giving him a BJ... I had been going for a little bit and then I stopped and he was like "uh yeah, we prolly shouldn't finish that..." I was like "wtf Jake. why did I do that?" and he says "I don't know but it felt so good I couldn't stop you. If I were single we'd be up in my bed right now but damn..." he didn't even seem sorry, I felt worse than he did and he was comforting me. We agreed we could never tell anyone about it but I'm just freaking out. He wasn't even drunk and he initiated it but if anyone finds out, I'm gonna be the one that gets called a slut and what not. He's going to college in the fall and his gf is only gonna be a junior so he was gonna break up with her at the end of the summer anyway and I know everyone hates his girlfriend cause she's a total bitch but that doesn't make what I did any better and I just feel so awful... He doesn't even seem to feel bad but he doesn't want anyone to find out either. Im just so scared he's gonna tell her or something and he's gonna say my name and oh my gosh... please help!!!
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I don't understand why you posted this question twice when you got pretty decent advice on the last question....
Like we said, Matt used you. These "friends" aren't true friends. Jake took this call of help as an opportunity for a sexual invitation. Jake pretty much raped you, He sexually assaulted you and does not say anything because he knows what he did was wrong. No different then someone taking a date rape pill, You were drunk.
Stop talking to them, Find new friends. Not someone who uses you for fun and games. Nobody who is drunk has the right mind to consent to sex. Move on from it.
Also, I would recommend telling your parents what had happened to you that night. Tell someone and let them handle the situation.
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Hey there,
Okay so you made a mistake. You've realised that. You need to stop dwelling on it and beating yourself up over it. We all make mistakes we are simply human. We do stupid things when we drink too much.
It's a lesson to be learned and take on board for the future. If anything Jake was more so in the wrong. He took advantage of you in your drunken state and had absolutely no regard for his girlfriend be she a bitch or not. She doesn't deserve to be cheated on.
I disagree with adviceman. You were not raped..
Rape is defined as:
"The crime, committed by a man, of forcing another person to have sexual intercourse with him, esp. by the threat or use of violence."
He didn't force you to have sex with him. You willingly gave him oral sex.
There is a very big difference.
But you stopped. Give yourself credit you realised the wrong doing and made him stop. He won't tell trust me. He won't want to be known as a cheater and likelihood is he will want to keep stringing his girlfriend along until he decides to dump or cheat on her again.
Be careful while drinking in the future. Know your limits and always be on guard. Take it from someone who had her drink spiked you do NOT want that to happen. Don't let guys take advantage of you. If you think that's going to be a problem when drinking well don't drink as much.
So try to relax okay? :) It's in the past move on and learn.
Good luck and much <3
Jess 18/f
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First stop beating yourself up. Being drunk, we won't go into teenage during, which is wrong in the first place, you are legally unable to give consent to any sexual activity. The fact that you willing may have started to give him a blow job is not material. He is the one who was sober and took his pants off.
To be extremely technical in the legal sense, the fact that he took his pants off placing his penis near your mouth to receive a blowjob is rape. Rape as defined in this instance; "is the inability to consent." Since you were drunk the law says you are not able to consent. You may not see it that way, Jake may not see it that way though that is the way the law sees it.
Therefore it is in his best interest to keep his mouth shut about what happened. There is also a possible problem with statutory rape depending on your states laws on the age of consent. If you are under the age of consent in your state it would not matter if you consented or not. The state law says you are to young to consent if you are under whatever age they view as the age of consent.
You have no reason to feel badly about yourself. Jake took advantage of your drunken condition. When you realized what you were doing and stopped, Jake did not force you to continue. As I said it is in Jake's best interest for the next 5 years or so to keep his mouth shut or face going to jail for rape.
If you feel strongly enough that Jake may say something you may want to remind him that his loose lips could cost him as much as 20 years in Jail.
The purpose of drinking is not to get drunk. If you drink to get drunk or allow yourself to get drunk then you are a problem drinker. If you are a problem drinker you should not drink at all. If you feel you must drink to excess for any reason then I suggest you talk to the people at aa.
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Jake took advantage of you.
You were drunk enough to pass out, by the sounds of it, and when you asked Jake for help, he took that as invitation to sexually assault you.
What he did was damn near criminal.
He probably wont tell anyone, 'cause he'll look like even more of an ass.
And if he does, you tell them the truth:
You were drunk, confused and abandoned by friends, you asked Jake for help and instead of helping you, he initiated oral sex. You barely knew what was going on and you are sorry and feel like crap about it.
Some people will still call you a slut - and they'll be dead wrong. But most people will hear the details and understand where the brunt of the blame belongs, and that's with Jake.
Also, you probably shouldn't drink that much, or trust Matt or your other friend to take care of you when you are drunk. They failed completely as friends. Not safe people to get wasted with.
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Jake took advantage of you, It's pretty much as simple as that. Someone who is drunk does not have the mindset of properly consenting. Also, He has a girlfriend and he still tried to fool around with you anyway. Yes, He was completely wrong.
I would also start to wonder whether this "friend" is really a friend or not. Although she was in a fight with her boyfriend friends do NOT ditch one another.
To put it real short it sounds like several cases of being irresponsible. You, Matt and this "friend" of yours.
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