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Complicated love; boyfriend in military

Question Posted Monday July 2 2012, 7:55 pm

My boyfriend just left to basic camp training and he has been away for about 4 weeks now. The problem is that he broke up with me before he left because he thought that it would be better for our relationship. I really do not agree. He wants to keep our communication going even though we are not really "together" and it is making me emotionally unstable. How can I deal with this situation when I love this person so much that I don't want to lose him? He will be gone for a 1 year and about 7 months after Basic Camp Training but he still wants me to visit him and still talk as if nothing has happened. What should I do? I need help!

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carayotie answered Tuesday July 3 2012, 3:30 pm:
He can't have his cake and eat it too. But at the same time he probably doesn't want to tie you down incase you find someone else who can be there for you everyday physically. If you want to be with him, tell him that and tell him you are willing to wait. If you don't want to wait then tell him that to and let him know that pretending like nothing happened bothers you. Military relationships are tough but they are doable. It just takes a lot of patience and commitment. Their lives with undoubtedly change, so maybe he doesn't want to drag you through the ringer but still wants your support. An open honest conversation will probably clear up a lot for the both of you. I'm in a military relationship so I know the feeling.

xoxo take care

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JustJessOx answered Tuesday July 3 2012, 9:38 am:
Hey there,
Okay it sounds to me like he wants the best of both worlds. That's a dangerous situation to get into. It will toy with you emotionally and physically. I mean it's just not healthy.
You're not together but then in a sense you're going to be acting like you are.
It will just cause a lot of hurt in my opinion.
You can't just forget nothing happened.
If he was 100% committed to you he would stay together and you would visit and keep in contact.
It's so hard when your boyfriend is in the military. I know first hand in a way. My dad was in the military for 21 years. So my mom had to deal with him being gone a lot. And me and my sisters too as young children. He was often gone on year long placements. But if you love someone so much it's a sacrifice worth taking. My mom and dad remained together and are stronger than ever.
What you need to decide is,is this the kind of life/relationship you want? With your boyfriend gone overseas for months on end?
Can you handle it?If you think you can explain this to him. Tell him you want to make it work as a couple. But if he can't do it then neither can you. You should remain friends and only that. None of this acting like nothing happened and visiting etc.
As you said it's making you emotionally unstable. You may as well be in the relationship if that's what you will be doing.
So talk to him about it more find out how he truly feels,why he wanted you to break up. Tell him how you feel,decide what you truly want and go from there.
Good luck and Much <3
Jess 18/f

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