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not wanting a relationship
is it normal to be totally in smitten with your best friend but not want to be with him? I don't really believe in monogamy or traditional relationships. I have no desire to pursue that kind of thing, and sometimes I wonder if that means there's something really wrong with me. I don't know if I ever picture myself being someone's 'girlfriend' again.. the future could hold anything but my feelings would have to change greatly and it's definately not something that I can foresee right now. so I just have this great person, who everytime he visits (we grew up in the same town but he lives elsewhere now) we stay up all night talking and drinking and.. well, having sex of course, but that's not the point. long before we started having sex he would still make the three hour drive just to talk to me all night. I've never enjoyed someone's company so thoroughly as I do his.. I love him. but I think something inside me just doesn't work like other people, because I love him so much wouldn't mind at all for him to find a girl in his own city. he has enriched my life greatly and will probably continue to do so for as long as I know him.. which, if I have my say, will be forever.. but I feel no jealousy or sadness at the idea of him finding someone to settle into a relationship, if that's what he wanted. I want him to be happy, thats one of the things that makes me happiest in life. I know he sleeps around and in a weird way I almost encourage it because.. he just makes me feel so awesome. and bringing joy and optomism into somebodies life is such a beautiful gift. every girl deserves a guy like that :P I'm happy if when I'm not with him he's making somebody else feel that exact same way. he's such a good person and I love and admire the way he treats people, I actually find it inspiring. I watch him flirt with this one particular girl on facebook and I love the gentlemanly way in which he does it and how sincere he is. it reassures me that he really is a nice person, weirdly. I feel like it would be a horrible sin to try prevent him from just being him and doing whatever is natural for him, building whatever human connections he can. why is it that if we love someone, that somehow means that we get to lay claim over their physical person? 'I like this the best, so no one else can touch it now..' if you like something so much wouldn't you want to introduce everyone to it so everyone will see how great it is? why do we get so jealous, shouldn't you be worried about the quality of your own connection with your lover instead? what could be wrong with spreading love/friendship/positive energy? it seems so safe to me and yet.. I'm kinda worried. first of all, I'm worried that he'll change his mind and want to do the whole girlfriend/boyfriend thing at some point. every guy I've ever hooked up with starts by agreeing he doesn't want a relationship and then it's always eventually the guy who becomes insecure (IMO) and starts wanting to define the relationship and like.. almost claim ownership. I hate that, it scares me. and my second, bigger worry is simply.. is there something weird about me? that I love him and want things to stay exactly like they are, forever, with no expectation of anything else? aren't you supposed to want to commit when you find someone you really love? sorry if this sounds silly I don't really know how to put it and it's my first time using this website. :)
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You sound like you were born 40 years to late, a child of the 60's when love was free and marriage was not always in the picture.
I can't tell you why you don't want the little house with the white picket fence, children and a husband. That is something in your basic makeup that would take an exploration with a qualified psychologist to explore. Is something wrong with you? Not to my thinking. Not everyone is the square peg that fits into the square hole. Some of us are the round pegs that people try to force into the square holes.
I will say this; great marriages start out as great friendships first. The fact that he dates others and still makes the 3 hour drive to see you tells me he is hoping you will have a change of heart.
My son is seeing a girl a lot like you. He has a girl he is friendly with that he would dearly like to take their relationship to the next level. He can see them having a life together. She on the other hand has had a number of failed relationships and a huge family problem to take care of.
She has no problem with my son dating other women. She is happy with whatever amount of time he has to share with her. The funny thing about their relationship is they are ideal for each other. They love almost everything the other likes.
If my sons relationship sounds a lot like yours then my advise would be: To try going to the next level. But do so in a controlled manner. Meaning that both of you do so with eyes wide open for you don't want to ruin your friendship. Find a psychologist to work with who can help you sort through your issues and if it is not working will help you back down to the level you are presently at.
I'm sure if he is wanting to go to the next level he will be working to make it work. You are the one with issues here, nothing wrong with that. I think though before you let a great guy get away, since you are questioning if you are right or wrong. You need to make a qualified attempt at the next level.
With the help of a good therapist, and you may have to go through one or more to find one you are comfortable with; you will find and answer to your question.
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