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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

We're friends. Like each other. We kissed for the first time yesterday after our dinner, while kissing he touched my boobs and sucked on my nipples. I couldn't help it. It was just natural. He complimented my boobies by saying they're beautiful. We just couldn't stop kissing and looking at each other, "I asked him, are you falling for me, he replies, you're making me" also, he wants to make love to me, he says and when I asked him back, you're only after sex, aren't you, he replies, everything." He also said, you've come to my life all of a sudden and this is all weird, but good weird he said. Now, what are his replies mean? What is he saying? Unluckily, he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend and he knows I'm not happy with my boyfriend. Has he fallen for me? I think I'm having a feelings for him. Is this all wrong? Many thanks!

I am not going to tell you whether it is right or wrong because every person has their own thoughts or beliefs on what is right or wrong.
For some, it is wrong to be part of a couple, married or not and then have sex with someone else. People would call this cheating. However, there are many who still do this because it doesn't matter to them if their original partner is hurt or feels betrayed by that.
There is such a thing as an open marriage where both agree they want to take on a lover. It works for some, they remain a couple but the key here is they discussed it and agreed to it. There is also swinging or polyamory. If a person is single, there is no issue with them having many lovers but couples dating or married have to agree they both want to do swinging or polyamory. But handling more relationships is very hard. If a person has not mastered how to treat one partner, they can not do any better with more. Then there is the belief that we as souls are on this earth to learn something specific to ourselves in this lifetime.
The goal here is to challenge ourselves to do better every day than we did the day before and that means in all areas of life, personal to how you treat yourself and also how we treat others. The basic guideline that helps here is to use your imagination and picture yourself as the other person and how you would feel if the tables were turned. In this case using your situation, how would the current bf feel if you had a relationship behind his back. Now I know you no longer care about current bf but pretend its a guy who you do like and he starts doing the same thing as you are doing with another gal, saying the same things that were said to you, admiring her breast and playing with them.
I am not saying sex is bad. It is a wonderful thing. It just doesn't fit into the catagory of a free-for-all. So one needs to take into account whether anyone is going to be hurt. While talking about hurt, yes it hurts to have someone break up with you. Is that why you have not broke it off with the bf you don't care for? For what purpose are you staying with him? All I can think of is money...like he provides the place to live and use of his car and without that, you'd be in a tight place. Other than that, I see no reason to stay with someone who is incompatible or mean or whom you simply have fallen out of love with. You are not married. Dating is not like marriage where you are stuck with the one person. If a great person, you're glad to be stuck with them. However too many think dating should be treated as if they made a life long commitment to each other and stay with someone who is not right for them. If worried about hurting his feelings by breaking up, hey its part of life and regrettable but this kind of hurt is eventually gotten over with time. However, the kind of hurt a person feels if they feel cheated on by someone they assumed is still with them because they love you, then they will be horribly hurt. The idea here is that you put on a good act and the bf may believe you are still committed to him. So being with another guy, allowing it to go as far as it already has will seem like a betrayal. Some people of course may read all this and see nothing at all wrong with doing whatever they feel like doing cus its their business and no one elses. However, You did write in here. Did you really want to here whether it is the right way to treat someone else? Are you still planning to do what ever you want without regard to how it affects anyone else? If so, there is nothing else I can say but go at it. Eventually, whether a person believes in God or not, life is going to bite you back. What you sow you reap. Yeah the bible teaches that and it holds true whether you believe it or not. If you want to take that chance and wait to see what bad things come your way perhaps in the future, then you need to nothing but just continue on your merry way doing what you've been doing. If you believe in the golden rule which is found in all beliefs and religions of the world, just put into different words, then you would agree to 'do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Matt. 7:12) and you wouldn't even have to ask others what to do and if this is okay, if you lived by that belief.
I have no idea what this guys thinking having a girlfriend and coming after you. If he also no longer wants her, he should also break up and become single because he is not currently and according to the golden rule, is veering just as far away from it as you. But then perhaps he doesn't live by it, maybe you both have never heard of it. But it is for real, not making this all up. You think you have feelings for him. Humans are capable of being attracted to more than one person at a time. Just because one is attracted to another does not mean you must interact with anyone and everyone you find yourself attracted to. There is attraction of differing types whether for their personality only, or attracted to them just sexually, or lastly attracted to the whole package meaning personality and sexually. I don't know if you have heard of this next concept but it involved self control. I have heard it used in describing one person having a partner who is handsome or gorgeous but still attracted to practically every other person of the opposite sex they ever meet. If the one in question has made a commitment to one person to date, go steady, be engaged or married, then only that one partner should be yours to enjoy, not a whole lot of other people. The concept is to use some self restraint and not even approach or try to get something sexual going on with anyone else. A wife is certainly going to hope her husband is going to remain true to her. However, life isn't neat and known. It's very unknown as to what can come in the future. A person may be committed to the love of their life but someone else practically throws them self at you and wants sex. That is a good example when the husband would say, sorry hon but I am married and am committed to remain faithful to my wife. Gals even want that from boyfriends which by the way, your male friends gf probably is expecting him to remain faithful as well. A male who is checking out the goods elsewhere while supposedly committed to another is a player and definitely not someone to take seriously. I would not even want to begin to figure out what he meant by everything he said and did. Maybe it is best if you continue on this path, get your feelings hurt real bad and learn the hard way. Theres only two ways to learn, from other sources, books, people warning you or from going through the terrible experience yourself. Yeah , well, some don't learn from their mistakes but lots of us do. If you choose that path, it isn't wrong to learn by experience and get used, its called the 'school of hard knocks' that kind of experience.

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Hello..
My question Is...
having sex in night can distrub your result in the pregnancy test that is going to be done in morning..

A pregnancy test doesn't check to see if there are live sperm inside you. Sperm can last closer to a week inside of you anyways.
The pregnancy test checks for a hormone your fertilized egg sets off in your body. This hormone is easily found in urine. A fertilized egg is one that a sperm was able to reach and enter and start the long process of going from egg to fetus to baby.

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I am 22 years old and Pete is 23, we both are 4 months out of college. We met my junior year and have been dating ever since. We broke up a little over a week ago. Things had been going downhill for a year though. Our first year together he was everything you could ever want. I knew he had a history of treating girls poorly (womanizer) but he was immediately committed to me. His friends said they have never seen him like that since they've known him. We had an amazing connection. He talked to me about everything, his dreams, his secrets, his feelings, his fears… He was in ROTC so talking about the military and his feelings about deployment were common.
 
One night, about a year ago, we got into a fight and he told me he was terrified of his feelings for me. He was sure I would "destroy" him. I tried to talk him down but I didn't hear from him for two days. When he came back he said he was sorry and that he loves me and wants nothing more than to be with me. But things were never the same. It happened sooooo slowly. First he stopped getting me gifts or coffee or doing cute little things for me. I would try to be flirty or fun with him and I would get completely shot down. The next thing was the texting and calling. His responses got slower and slower and shorter and shorter and then all of the sudden he just "didn't like talking on the phone". Even over the summer that we were long distance.
 
My senior year (his fifth year) he was always in a bad mood because all of his friends had graduated and he was incredibly busy. He wouldn't want to hang out and would use the excuse that it was my senior year and I should be "enjoying that time with my friends" which I totally appreciated but every once in awhile I wanted him to want to hang out with me… I knew things weren't good but they had happened so slowly and gradually that it was never such a huge shock that would make me say it was time to end it. I made excuses for him. He was tired. He missed his friends. He's working three jobs… He also made me feel crazy anytime I questioned his feelings. He completely stopped being affectionate, never wanted to have sex, and I honestly can only thing of three compliments he's given me in the last 6 months…  But if I asked him what was wrong he would act like I was making problems out of nowhere or "being dramatic". He made me feel so insecure that I convinced myself I didn't need any of those things. That I didn't need to be complimented. I was secure in myself. I constantly wanted sex from him because I felt like that was the only time he was ever truly paying attention to me but he rarely wanted to do that either. That emotional connection that had been so great was gone. He said he just "doesn't let people in" but I had seen him do it… We had been there before. I felt like I was losing my mind. Was I making it all up? Is this just what happens after you date someone for a while?
 
Looking for post grad jobs we didn't try to be in the same city because we knew he would be stationed and deployed anyway. I have in been in one city and he has been in another 16 hours away for the last three months. We are both working full time. Things have just gotten worse. I felt like our conversations were so terrible that I wanted to talk MORE and he felt like I was "constantly clawing at him" for attention. He gets stationed in 5 months so I KNOW it is on his mind and that he is scared but he wouldn't talk to me about it. I didn't mean to be overbearing but I felt like I was starving for affection and love and emotion that I would start fights because I just wanted to feel SOMETHING from him. It finally hit the fan and he said he can't be in a relationship where the other person is so invested and he just doesn't feel that anymore. And even though I KNOW deep down that I wasn't asking for too much, now that we are broken up I constantly feel like I am the one that caused this to end. I feel like if I had just not asked for so much, had given him more space… We could have made it work. I fight the urge everyday to text and him say I will give him what he wants because I just love him SO MUCH. Has he messed with my head or did I really cause this?

You've heard it from a male, now you'll hear it from a female, you are not at fault in any way. The explanation Adviceman gave as a possible reason why he's become so distant is the guess I'd go with also. However there is another reason men will back out a relationship they were willing in and it was going great. I will as a female share my reason and why it is possible but due to timing, is likely the other reason or a combo of both.

There are a great many men who are very good men, making really great partners for a female. These men tend to want to be the gals protector not just physically but emotionally. Men hate to see a female hurting, so instead of lying to their lady, they may omit certain knowledge that could scare them. This can be in dating with an intensity of the relationship that grows to the point it spooks the guy.
When I was divorced, I went to stay with my sister and met a guy out there. We hit it off so quickly from our first coffee date when he asked me out to dinner 2 days later, to me stopping by evenings after work or going to hang out the whole weekend to do local hiking, watch some of his favorite movies i'd never seen, and art projects. He wasn't a young man but into his fifties. Yet one Monday he was asking me not to come by rest of week and the up coming weekend as he needed some time to himself. He asked that I not call him either. I said okay and didn't ask for explanation. I wasn't concerned because I knew that I remained calm, there was a better chance of getting an explanation. This happened on a Monday. So he heard nothing from me the remainder of the week. Now it takes differing amounts of time for a guy to feel the intensity of a relationship or how much each male needs to ruminate over the relationship and come to grips with the direction in which it's heading. It ended up he couldn't wait until the deadline he gave me, went through his mental processing faster than I'd expected and called to leave a message during day while I was at work. I called him back at break and the first thing he said was that he didn't think I'd call him back. He thanked me for calling back and I realized then that he'd expected me to be upset and angry with him. He told me he had needed to do some serious thinking but he was okay now and would I still like to come over after work (it was Friday) and for the weekend? I said sure. When I got there, he explained that the speed with which our relationship had grown in intensity too had just scared him and he needed time away from me to realize whether he was okay with it or not. The determining factor would be if he missed spending time with me, not just missing the sex. He thanked me for not demanding answers earlier when he did not yet have any answers to give as he was seeking them himself. He apologized for not telling me why he'd asked for the break. But I had to agree with him that the two of us had grown close in a much faster time than normal for couples so I understood perfectly. He relaxed when he saw I wasn't holding anything against him.

He's not the one I ended up married to. It was about 2 yrs later I met the man who is now my husband. You would think a husband shares everything with his wife but no.....men even husbands will want to protect his wife from not having to worry over much and so he omitted information on a couple occasions. He neglected to tell me of the day he almost fell off a 2+ story roof in a construction job or the day someone almost hit him head on while he was driving delivery truck. He did not want my mental attention focused on the scary thoughts of losing him. So how did I find out? He told me, long after he was no longer working those jobs. I would have to agree that I would have worried about him all the time and that is why men don't usually come out and share all details or for some not sharing whats going on in their minds. It isn't something you can help him come to grips with, he just has to process through it himself and take a direction from there. You can't control his thoughts and it seems he made a decision along the way that didn't include you. Why? I tend it means a man has strong feelings for a woman, even if he doesn't call it love, but feelings like this will stop him from sharing things he believes will bring worry or anguish to the females heart. It may be that he no longer loved you. People can grow out of love. But in your guys situation, his growing slowly colder towards you comes right after admitting he's terrified of his feelings for you. Not all but a few womanizers are simply going on from girl to girl because subconsciously they are searching for the one and only they can be happy with forever and seem to know it pretty quickly and thus enjoy the females only for companionship and sex but if it gets intense on her part, he breaks it off with the gal. A womanizer would not last 3 years in a relationship with you but be gone much sooner. He stayed more likely because the two of you were a good fit. And here would be the explanation as to why he was working a year ago at slowly weaning himself off you hoping it was doing the same to you. What men forget is that even though in their minds they believe they are doing a favor to their lady friend not sharing something that could hurt her, what hurts worse is the female not being totally certain of why he is pulling back. Had that happen with a man who was separated from his wife a long time already but no divorce yet, we got real close, fell in love and one day she comes back saying she wanted to make the marriage work. Since they had kids together and he still had feelings for her too, he had planned to go back to her and started acting distant to me. It went on for about 2 weeks of daily finding him really distant and formal and not acting like himself, all fun and loving. So when I asked for him to tell me the truth as to what was happening, he finally did. He was stuck between loving me and loving his ex and since they had more years together and had children together, he wanted to give it a chance. And he was finally showing some emotion, crying with me because there was no easy way out and again, I understood the choice and probably would have done the same if I were in his shoes. Your guy is more likely to have started out terrified because of the intensity of HIS feelings for you. It would have been obvious to him the intensity of your feelings for him. I am sure he could feel your love. Then at some point he looked ahead to when he'd be going back into service and somehow got it in his head that he might die, as the final outcome and does not want you to have to go through losing and grieving him so his drawing away from you over a year was possibly his trying to make the eventual break up not as hard on you. He may not have shared what his thoughts were because he felt you would argue against it as you probably would have. He is likely not in the danger he seems to think as Adviceman agreed.
There are many men in jobs where they could die any particular day like firemen and police officers and it is a fact that it is much harder for a woman to want to date, possibly fall in love with and want to marry someone who could be dead by the end of the day.
So although theres a chance that he simply fell out of love with you and just wanted to let you down easy, there's just as great a chance that he loves you in return and is doing this as a way to protect your feelings from a future event that may never happen. If you love him and want a chance to have your say with him, you could always write him, (he likely won't answer a call but is more likely to read something and plan to not answer.)
If its worth a try to you to see if this is why he has distanced himself, then you could call his bluff so to speak and let him know you realize that he loves you and was afraid of something happening to him and leaving you alone. You realize there is a chance of that not just in military service but in every day life. He could die in a car accident, a mugging, just like husbands in fire and police service die every day leaving widows. You need to let him know that you would rather have any amount of time you'd be given by fate to be with him rather than not having had him as your love at all. Ask him to talk out his feelings with you and give the both of you a chance to come to some agreement together rather than him taking the choice out of your hands by doing what he's doing.

If the man still loves you, he just may get back in contact with you. If enough time has gone by and he finds he's falling out of love, he may not respond at all. If this is what you need to know it's final before you start searching for the other fish in the sea, then do so. Otherwise, just move on now.

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I started working at my job in may and to this day i dont know the total amount of what ive earned because my mom has been taking money out of my bank account. When i was 17 i made a bank account and my mom made it joint, of course i had no say cause i was a minor but im 18 now and i think i may remove her because every time i try to save up for something i go into my bank account and the money i dont spend is gone. Ive always asked her to stop taking my money cause whats the point of me working if i dont even get the reward which is the money and she gets mad and starts saying things like "fine ill stop but dont ask me to buy you anything ever again" basically trying to guilt me for even getting mad at her for taking my money without my consent what should i do? I want to take her off my account but obviously she would notice and my friend told me to make a new bank account without her on it but to make a bank account it would require documents that of course my mom has. Please help

It's an easy thing to get mom taken off now that you are an adult. This is more common than you would think so bank officials won't even raise an eyebrow. There are people turning 18 all the time who have a parent on their account. My daughter had an accident settlement that went into a bank account for her before she turned 18. Later when she started working she thought nothing of it and neither did we. It was her Dad whose name was on the account. When she started working, this is the acct she used for putting her own paychecks in. I divorced her Dad and set up banking with a different bank.

Now here's the part I want you to pay attention to, why you should not put off doing this. One day she goes to pay a day shortly after getting paid and found her account was deficient to pay the bill. All her money was gone and the bank had taken it out only because she was related to her Dad and living in his house and part of the family and since a bill of his came through the bank when his funds were insufficient, they transfered from her account because his name was on it. It was a bank policy to do so on any accounts his name might be on. So as long as moms name is on there, if something goes wrong, the bank may take from your account to cover something on her own account simply since her name is still there. In our case, Dad felt bad and covered daughter, paying back the money the bank had taken. In your case, Mom's character is much more questionable and she most likely would not pay you back if the bank grabbed money from your acct to cover hers. I don't think the bank will need a bunch of documents. When I opened a new one a few years ago, all they wanted was to see drivers license and social security #, current street address and phone. Some places require a piece of mail with your name on it but if you live with your Mom, they may not or may not have that requirement to begin with.

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17/f
I have a school business project and we need to make a product. My group is making a cream that makes the perfect curls ( coconut oil, aloe vera gel and shea butter)
We need a cute catchy name for our product. And any packaging ideas but mainly a name.

either you come up with a name made from the letters of all the ingredients, or use the words of the combo in the title, like buttery oilgel. Or pick one based on things that come to mind of the ingredients. Like I think of coconut as tropical. So Tropical Curls or Butter Curls. All of this sounds kinda lame, but it is when I try all these weird combos or idea's that eventually the right phrase finally comes to me.
All the ingrediants are natural ones that are applied to skin, are good for you. So in that last thought, being good for you, could even be used for example: Good For You Curling. I hope you see where I am going with this line of thinking. This is something you can do with your team members. I am sure you will come up with something. Good luck

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I had sex with my bf on 11th and 12th of august
We had it twice on 11th in which he didnt cum and once on 12th in which he came. We used condoms. On 12th we used 2 condoms. Just to be safe. We replaced the condom and used the second one. He is sure that he checked all the condoms. None of them broke. I had viral fever the week before i had sex. Because of which my hemoglobin reduced(not much) and my platelets also dropped. My hemoglobin came back to normal. But on 11th my platelets were still low. My periods are usually late by 3-4 days. Sometimes they're even 10-11 days late. But this time they're 14 days late. And on 14 15 16 i had slippery vaginal discharge. Like it is during ovulation. But this time it was bit oily. I dont have any pregnancy symptoms. Am i pregnant? I'm really scared. Please help.

You mentioned viral fever the week before. Thats what caused the disruption of your cycle. Stress, either mental from worry, bullying, etc will cause the cycle to be off and physical stress of just getting over sickness or just starting to get sick, will also throw it off. Lots of energy goes into your cycle each month. When the body is experiencing stress, the energy that goes into supporting a cycle will go instead into the body trying to heal and get better. Any discharge will likely be close to the same as the natural cleansing your body does all the days you do not have a period. You can expect to see this kind of discharge all the time and its normal. When a period is delayed greatly, or real late, you may get a brownish discharge like half dried blook but not much, just a little you see when wiping or spots on panty or liner. This is also not to worry about as the body occasionally does this when a period is late and preceeds the start of the flow.

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Hello! I am 23 and a new hire as a paraprofessional in a school district. My assignment for the year was a nine year old boy, so I am in an elementary school, of course.

This nine year old boy has begun acting out at the end of last year, he did not have a paraprofessional at the time so he was always leaving the class to go sit in the office because the teacher could not deal with him and the class.

Anyway, goals for this year are to keep him in class and make sure he gets his work done (he barely completed any work last year, baffling me as to how he even passed onto fourth grade but that is neither here nor there) but when he needs a break, we can go take a walk or do something the calm him down for five minutes.

Thus far, today was the fifth day of school and he has had one outburst on Monday through Wednesday whereas Thursday was a little more rough and I will touch on why I think that is in a minute. On Thursday, he forgot his assignment book at home so he got angry when another classmate teased him for forgetting it, thus meaning that he had also forgotten his homework for the day. So, he threw his backpack across the room. When I got him out of the room and into the hallway, he banged his head on the wall and started to hit himself in the head repeatedly, threatening his life that he did not "want to be on Earth anymore." Which brings me to today, Tuesday. Today he was SO good! He gets a point chart everyday and today he got 23/24 points and I was majorly impressed!

Now, back to why I think he acted out so much on Thursday. On Monday, he sees an out of school counselor for anger management. I think that helps him immensely because at the beginning of the week, he seems pretty collected but towards the end, Thursday and Friday, he seems to forget what he learned from his counselor and act out again.

I have also noticed that when I take him into the hallways so that he can have a break when needed, sometimes I ask him what made him angry or what it was that upset him and sometimes, more than not, he will tell me that he does not want to talk about it. So, I thought that I had this really great idea to have him write down why he is upset and I will collect his notebook so I know what his thoughts were but he didn't have to talk to me about it - I was so happy, I thought this was a total win/win. However, when I brought it up to him, he told me that the learning support teacher tried that out last year and it just made him more mad because it is combining his anger and feelings with his least liked subject, writing.

So, essentially this whole entire thing was to just ask you if you have any tips, tricks, ideas, anything that could help me figure out another tactic for this. I feel like when I take him in the hallway and he is honest enough to tell me that he does not want to talk about it, either a) because he does not want to get in trouble or get someone else in trouble or generally b) talking about it will get him more mad. I was thinking something along the lines of maybe notecards. Like, I could write on them "I feel" and then write a bunch of emotions and some reasons behind those emotions and make him pick out the cards that is correct for that certain time.

Anyway, thank you for reading that nonsense and my ramblings just for one teensy part to be a question! Anything you say or answer is totally appreciated and I will most likely use any advice given! :)

My impression is that it may be a couple things and some will likely remain unknown. But anger management as mentioned should be one. Also as mentioned already, it sounds like there could be some Autism too. There is more study and help now for autistics than before. So he should get tested for that as well. My husband is a highly functioning autistic. He learned early on his own to control his own responses and learn how to focus better. If the kid only has slight autism, as a kid that can be a major hurdle. It may not be obvious so it may be that he hasn't been tested for it. My husband also is not obvious, only I really see the moments he is having a temporary meltdown that lasts a minute or two.

This is a 2nd husband for me. He's told me of a story related to his daughter. She won a drawing to be part of a Montessori School. I am not suggesting Montessori for this kid but just one thing the school enforced that made it so the kids did well in their studies.
He told me that the school believed that sugar in a childs diet affected their ability to concentrate, their emotions, and all in all, their behavior. When they toured a classroom of 1st or 2nd graders, they were impressed to see the young children studying and acting more like college students than fidgeting, doing something other than work or causing trouble. The teachers claimed they could tell when a child had sugar the evening before because the next day, they had troubles in class or caused trouble. So my thinking is that it won't solve everything but could make life much easier for the child if perhaps his parents worked hard to change his diet and not give out sugary things. Easiest might be something closer to what a diabetic diet might be. It's the easiest, no cost way to give the kid a fighting chance. He should be able to have more successful with anger training and any other things you are trying to implement if he were off sugar. I may be wrong but as I said, its worth a try to see if he improves a little or not just with that change alone.

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Basically i need to find a side job i can work three days a week that won't be too hard or overwhelming. I currently live with my boyfriend and he's just too negative and brings me down.i don't feel like myself anymore. I'm a preschool teacher assistant and i only make 10 an hour and im worried about being able to afford living on my own. what job can i get on the side that's not too stressful or demanding that would let me work three days a week?

If you are talking about a regular job with an employer, there are plenty that have part time employees and will work around the schedule of your primary job. Just check out the want ads. I do know that employers who usually don't advertise but will need new employees from time to time are dollar stores and fast food places. I know people who worked fast food as their secondary job and only for the amount of days they were willing to work.

If you are talking about something you can do as a side business to earn money, then perhaps advertise to do dog walking. This would enable you to get some walking exercise in yourself. If you can type, there are always college students willing to pay for you to type their term papers. There are things you can do, depending on what appeals to you to offer some kind of service that you can get paid for. Good luck

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e and I have had a bit of a falling out lately and yesterday we started to talk again. He seems to think I ve been purposely trying to avoid him even though sometimes I just have trouble communicating. I told him that but he still doesn t seem to get it. He says he s scared to tell me how he feels about everything and I told him it s just an excuse for not being upfront to me. We ve been best friends for a long time and all I want is for him to stop being so indirect about his feelings. He also got his "gf" (they re not dating but they are romantically involved 😉) to talk to me for him and she had nothing to with it so that pissed me off. How can I talk to him? What should I say now? I just want him to be direct about how he feels and stop acting like I m purposely pushing him out of my life.

Sorry hun, I don't think I can give any helpful advice as what you write is too vague for me. I have no idea what your falling out was about (it might provide some clues), I have no idea about how regular you see each other for him to believe you are avoiding him and if anything has changed in how often you see him, I have no idea what you mean by sometimes having trouble communicating (to me it's a matter of social anxiety or lack of communication skills that cause the issues) I have no idea what the "Everything" is that he is scared to reveal how he feels about. (Everything covers alot of things. I need some examples of specifics) I have no idea what is causing he to feel scared in the first place (I would like input from you if you have any ideas based on anything that previously happened in your friendship to cause him to be scared in the first place) What exactly is he not being upfront about...(just one thing he isn't giving you an answer on? or you ask him lots of questions and he evades every single one...that is helpful info to me) I do not know what kind of feelings you want him to stop being indirect about. Feelings are emotions. (So it can cover him not telling you what flavor of icecream he loves or what genre of books he hates or it can be more related to how he feels about you and where you stand in his life which you did not state) If the other gal is not a girlfriend, then they are only friends with benefits, nothing more. I can understand resenting him having her get involved. Perhaps he feels she understands him better and doesn't have the same issues with him. But then again, she wouldn't need to have that work out for her if all they have is the romance and sex. It takes more for a full relationship between a man and woman committed to each other as a couple, to work out.
I can hardly tell you what to say, let alone to know if there are contributing factors to the problem. By what you have mentioned so far, you have a problem with him being direct. I don't understand why that is a problem. People all have their differences. Some differences, others can tolerate, some can't. these differences may seem a great deal to some but differences are just that, being allowed to be different does not necessarily mean one or the other is wrong. Different does not mean that a person is misguided or erring in some way and needs to change or see that some one elses idea is right and they were wrong. If I meet someone with whom there are too many things that irritate me simply cus I am not like that, I don't try to convince them to change to be someone I like to be around. Heck I even have a family member or two whom I choose to spend lots less time with as their personality is very irritating to me and I know they love and care about me but its not fair to them for me to force the issue and spend tons of time with them which causes me to be so irritated that I might bark at them or say something that hurts their feelings. They are who they are and no one can change another person except the individual himself/herself. And that only if they come to a place of feeling that they can improve upon their character and then they do.

Not trying to evade helping but I know this is important to you and I just don't feel like spending a lot of time guessing or explaining for zillions of possibilities when there may only be one or two scenerios I need to address. Thank you for your patience hon.

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So i have been with my boyfriend that i truly love very much for about 11 months right now. I guess you could say ex boyfriend since we broke up a few days ago..But im a bit confused about how the scenerio went and i wanted to know what you all thought. I am 22 and he is 24. We love and respect one another, in our relationship we've had a lot of issues because of different mindsets. We come from the same culture but i was brought up in America so i have more of an open mind than he does. He is extremely strict when it comes to his culture and believes everything goes back to him being "manly" I had two issues with him. My first issue is that i realized half way during the relationship that we are not compatible ( yes i stayed with him because you can truly love and have deep feelings for someone you aren't compatible with) and i stayed because i felt that hes the best guy i have personally ever dated. He shows me alot of love and care (verbally) which is something that bothered me at some point because i felt like i was always the one doing the planning- the actions. I was doing the little things he liked, he was always always constantly wanting extra care and attention and i always had to provide it- i would go to his work and bring him food, medicine, whatever he needed and i would visit him all the time so we can have some time to hang out together. I do know that his shifts are from 4-12 PM but i have work until 3PM and i always told him he could wake up early and come pick me up and then go to work so that we can spend some time together. (He almost always ignored this) I started getting really unsatisfied with the relationship because i felt like i was doing all the work and that I felt like i didnt have a boyfriend, like a BOYFRIEND to rely on. Yeah, im an independent girl and im responsible and everything but i would love to feel like I have someone to rely on, someone who does the little cute things for me that i want (not just talk and i love you's and kissing and hugging me) all of that is extremely nice, but to know what i like and to do it for me (a simple pick up from work so that i am able to feel like he is doing the same amount of effort) would have changed things even a little. Put in mind that i told him this several times and tried to let him know that i like it if he paid attention to small things like i do and he would say okay and nothing. We do not share the same interest, we dont have much in common but we got along really well. I loved him because i saw that his is more respectful than a lot of guys that i know and he is extremely loyal and i guess those were the two things i really was looking for in a guy and thats why i fell inlove with him. But his lack of responsibility is what turned me off, he was very irresponsible in his life and i was always his mommy figure (hence taking care of him) i always had to lead the way and i felt like i was tired of doing that cause i already do that for myself! I started getting really exhausted with the relationship and needed space but i wouldnt say that unless we got in a fight and he'd be like " i cant believe your asking for space, i never would" He never let me go to pubs with my friends and i told him in the beg. of our relationship that we should be flexible with one another so we don't suffocate eachother as long as theres TRUST between us. He refused and said no, that he can go and that i cant. And then i said no and we argued and then he decided, both of us will not be in those enviroments at all. I agreed and just let it go cause i didnt want to be annoying. After that, i made the decision that both of us should go if there are any events such as (friends birhtdays or engagements) and i dont think theres anything wrong with that. especialy that our friends are going to want us to go to these places to see them) he got mad and agressive and childish and was like no no no! you only want me to go so that you can go! and i said "yes, because we should! i dont see the issue here, what is wrong with being a little flexible? im not telling you i want to go 247 but atleast lets give eachother some space and peace of mind to be ourselves and enjoy our lives, were so young! " and he was like no means no, and then we got into a huge fight and he told me, you dont think of anyone but yourself, and then i yelled and said since the beg of this relationship all i have been thinking about is you, what you need, what you need to do, how i should make YOU happy and i get nothing or barely anything in return-- and he goes WHY? cause i didnt pick you up from work?! and i looked at him and was like YOU SEE, that stuff actually MATTERS to me to feel like your THERE and im not constantly getting out of my way to see you and not the other way around or barely. Then we sat quiet for like an hour in the car.. and i look at him and find that he took out his phone and started playing video games. I told him to take me straight home and then when i got home, he sent me a huge text saying " i dont wanna lose you, you can go where you want and even if you dont want me to, i wont but i get really tired and sad when we fight" I personally ignored the text because i needed some time to think about everything, and then when we talked I told him things are just too much for me and i need my time alone away for a while, and he was like "you dont want me, you dont love me" i said no "i do love you, but this is too much" and we basically broke up 2-3 days ago and he wrote me saying he wants to stay friends and came to see me and we went out but we kept hugging eachother and saying we love eachother, but not trying to fix the issue?? which confused me because ummm.. are you really gonna let me go that easily? without TRYING to solve any of our problems? he knows i think hes wrong and he constantly says "you always think im wrong when im not" and now we are texting once in the morning and once in the evening asking about eachother.. and yesterday he goes "we have to stay like this, stay friends and in eachothers lives" and im sitting here like WHAT? Okay i know what you all are thinking "why do you want this to work out anyways, you said you werent commpatible so it wasnt gonna work out " yes but i do LOVE him and wish he would atleast try to see why i felt this way and try to fix himself. Its so frusturating and upsetting that this is the way hes dealing with things. He keeps saying i miss you and all but i feel like hes being normal. Did he actually wanna be single? or is this a way for him to win me back? thinking hes giving me my space?I really cant understand him. I am so confused. What do i do? I feel like i will regret letting him go but he really did drive me crazy. Thanks for reading this everyone

I see that you already know what everyone is going to think of him since you spelled it out. I would be no different. However, I am a female and older so I have some experience and knowledge I've picked up along the way. Something I've read recently in a psychologists book to explain the differences in men and women and how it affects relationships stood out and explained a lot as to why women will love and stay with a man who is not a suitable mate is the following: For women, the emotional bond is tied into the physical act so they have difficulty seeing the two separately and thus have the hard time with still feeling love for a guy who mistreats them or broke up with them, or is in some way a poor choice for a mate.

I have paraphrased the words of the psychologist but she does get across her point that this feeling of love once a female begins to have a sexual relationship with a guy is what keeps her from seeing reason and seeing how bad a choice the guy might be.
I don't think I need to list all the reasons of what are issues about him. But I am willing to bet that if you are the one who broke up, he is hoping to get you back because he had a good thing going, he did not have to improve on his character to win you, you would take him as he is with this long list of faults. You are not being too picky hon. All the issues you listed and character faults in him are things that will eventually break up any relationship for good. Sometimes it happens after many years where the problems remain the same or increase but the females feelling of love for the man she has chosen, eventually slowly fades away. That happened to me in first marriage. I married at age 20 and discovered even more issues with him as time went along. But I was determined to stay even thought family first fooled by him now saw his true character and advised me to leave me. But I stayed and had 3 kids. As the years went by, at some point I realized I no longer loved him but remained to continue to be his maid and butler, his mommy, his dumping ground, his floor mat, the only cook, house cleaner, up-keeper of yard, the only parent doing any parenting, only chauffer to drive the kids to places they needed to go, the only one to take care of any unexpected things that went wrong like a vandal breaking my car window or the water heater breaking and leaking, etc. etc. The list goes on. He basically made no effort at all, no matter what I said. If I complained, he told me the problem was me, not him. I don't mean to sound bitter, I am not actually. I just feel sorry for him but that experience was actually necessary for me to grow in a certain area I was not aware of. I was sure if someone asked that I loved myself. However I later learned that I did not actually love myself 100% because I was allowing this man to use me as he did. It may not feel like someone using you and thats part of why I was confused and stayed with him so long.
You know he'd take you back, at least it sounds like that. However at the same time, your guy, like my ex, both do not like a strong confident female. It will continue to irritate men like this and they will keep trying and trying to break a female down until she finally gives up and settles for less. I know you don't want to settle for less. You are a smart woman. So you are going to have to trust other women who have been through this stuff before and realize I am not trying to mislead you with how powerful an emotion love is and how in women it can cause us to be confused and though there are issues with a man, believe that due to the feeling of love, that all is not lost and somehow we can work it out. You have certainly tried and met lots of resistance from him. He is waiting to wear you down to come to accept the relationship all on his terms. He does not want a strong woman. My guy didn't either. My new husband does though. He compliments me all the time and practically worships the ground i walk on and would do anything for me and never attempts to change how I believe or feel about something. He is my supporter all the way and believes females actually are way more important than most men are treating them. Yeah, I found a keeper the second time around, but then, take into consideration i was no longer in my early 20s but late forties when I found him. I had more life experience and had learned some things about human nature, basics of psychology, and what is needed to make a relationship work.

I believe the reason he wants to remain friends and stay in touch preferably every day, is hoping that you are merely misguided and while cave in to his ways and views and give up yours. That is not a relationship. That is a dictator. Meaning of dictator: A dictator is someone who has absolute power — or who at least behaves as if they do by bossing others around.

Why are some people dictators? Because they believe that they know whats better for you than you do yourself. They believe that their ideals and rules and ways of life are the only right way to go and that it is their duty to get you to realize this eventually. And if you show any signs of not buying what they say and choose otherwise, then a dictator will force you with whatever harsh methods they deem will work on you to come around to their way and rule.

Maybe dictator is a harsh word to use in a relationship. But I know from plenty women friends who were in similar situations to me that they would agree that their husbands are dictator types and thats why those women with balls, finally left those men.
You are only 22 so you don't have much life experience yet. At that age I felt i was so mature and knew alot. I did...in many area's. But when it came to men and relationships, I knew too little and thats what got me into hot water. Either you decide to trust those of us who have gone thru the same in our lives in the past or you can choose the harder path of going back to him because you have this feeling of love that won't go away and suffer the consequences of being with him. It gets worse once you marry. My ex was actually really nice before we married. Fooled my friends and my Parents and siblings. He did not change until after we married. Even though I am American, and he is too, the ex began to treat me as property, as if he owned me. However he did not punish me other than lots of yelling, belittling me in front of others and verbal abuse along with some pushing and shoving. In some cultures, once married, the man is considered to own the wife, or at least she is not his equal and it is for him to lead and guide her as if she is one of his children, and not an adult partner who should have equal status in the relationship, where what she feels and believes is equally important. I hope you take all this into consideration dear.

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Hi my name is Sifundo Olwami Gumede I'm 16 years old. I am from South Africa
I started to dance when I was 10 years old and I carried on till now and it would be great if I got a sponsor from Nike or Adidas or Puma for dancing.
Do get paid for making a video go viral since I'm dancing?
And do get clothes for photographs in the studio?

You tube pays money to users whose posted video goes beyond a certain amount of views on it which show how popular it is. You wouldn't get paid by the makers of the shoes simply for choosing to wear them or dance in them for a video. That would be like me getting paid by the makers of the makeup I am wearing, the clothes and shoes I am wearing, and the makers of any jewelry I am wearing. I highly doubt that ever happens.

You will have to make a video with what you can afford to wear. If the video becomes popular enough over time, it might bring in enough money for you to get the shoe brand you want. I put in a youtube search for 'dancer performing wearing Nike shoes' and the only thing that comes up currently is several videos of performing dancers with LED shoes as you will see in the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRZYONF6hik

So if you are hoping to create a viral video in order to purchase shoes, it may take some time. The video has to be interesting enough for anyone to post it on their facebook or other page and more and more see it and do the same with reposting. It takes a while to get popular sometimes. On facebook, I created a puzzle page creating puzzles out of photos, and thats not youtube. Just a game on Facebook. For example, I started that last Fall, and about now, it shows around 125 people are seeing my puzzles and fewer are actually doing them or making comments on them. Granted, its not the same thing and I did not do it to become popular but to do puzzles myself that I liked the images of.

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OK, apologies for a long story!
He's asking if I like oral sex, if I'm hairy down below, if I like soft or hard sex, but all in a good mannered way not in a dirty or gross way. likes touching my hands, says you have a soft hands, is rest of the body soft too, he asks, I say get your hands off please and he responds by saying you love it, I say yes I do because I like him so I don't mind if he touches my hands but all these conversation happens in a different occasion when we see at college canteen.

weeks ago, we went out few times for a drink with college friends. nothing has happened apart from just a goodbye kiss with friendly hug don't know if that counts for anything. He asked me yesterday if I want to go for drink or dinner next week two days in a row and wanted me to meet up for lunch as well on one of the same day. I said ok only if I have time but I'm definitely up for dinner, he asks well you do like my company, don't you, told him yes I do and he says well, there you go then. he called me a tease afterwards, he actually said you're such a tease, frankly speaking he's been calling me that few times already.

we've known each other for a quite awhile now and gotten really close but not sexually but as a good friends who can share and talk anything to one another. we just kid loads but seems like a flirt, we just get along with sex talk frequently. sad part is we can't do anything him having girlfriend and me having boyfriend but I do wish I was dating him and I have a feeling that he wishes the same too otherwise would you guys think that he would be saying with extremely sure tone that 'you love it when I touch your hands,' also, why would he call me a tease? him suggesting for a drink or dinner and saying to me you like my company means what folks???? is it a date or am I wrong to think that? he says he likes me and also says he wouldn't do a sex talk if he didn't like me because we like talking sex stuff 'equally.' but foremost all we're friends as well who has a respect to each other. What does he want???? does he want to have an oral sex with me coz he did ask me directly if I like it?? I'm not very good at this.

Forgive me for my long writing. could I have a straight answers please? thank you so much

It is a perfectly normal thing for a guy or gal to ask what the other likes sexually if the two are both sexually attracted to each other and planning to have sex. How else would one know how to go about pleasing their partner. Its just as important to communicate during sex.

I assume you do that with your current bf, or did once upon a time if you no longer are attracted to each other. You say you wish you were dating him. But you do not say how you feel about current bf. You can lie to me but you can't lie to yourself. If you do anything that goes against your own principles, it will eat at you and make you miserable. I have no problem with dating several men at the same time for a short bit until I have decided which one is the best one for me and then tell the others goodbye. I do not do it secretly tho but I had informed each man that I might meet with other guys to get a feel for whether they fit the criteria I needed to find the guy most right for me. This was after a divorce and I was in my forties. Surprisingly, every single man I told this to, did not have a problem with it. Why? Because they understood it was a matter of personal choice, something they also do, and mostly because they were mentally prepared for it and biggest one of all---I had not made any verbal commitment to them. Males seem to understand this. Females have trouble with this and assume a male has committed to her when he actually has not gotten to that point yet.
So assuming he is like most males, and understands keeping ones options open until he chooses, you can only assume that perhaps he has not committed to his current girlfriend. Then the next question would be, what arrangement has he made with the gf. Does she know he has a female friend he flirts with and talks about sex with? I am not the typical female. But almost all women would never go for it. If you found out your bf has been doing this behind your back, what would you think. I have a pretty good imagination. I think that the question in your mind would be "Is my bf trying to find some angle to get a chance at having sex with this other gal?"
Thats what it looks like to me with the current male friend, that he is a Player.
Do you have issues being the 'other woman'? If not, then answer his call for sex and initiate it. Otherwise, if it bothers you, tell him to stop and let him know it is in very bad taste and makes him looks like a player and you will drop him as a friend is he attempts to even mention sex again.

If you don't like your current bf, break up and keep looking elsewhere. The male friend may be one option and again, he may not be once you get to know him better. Don't break up to be with him. Break up only if you can't see current bf as your Lifetime mate. Once you are single, if you wish, you could then say to your male friend, I am single again and will start dating others and let him know right off the bat if you are not making any promises or commitments until you have dated a while and decided on which guy is right for you. This leaves you an easy out with him if he is interested in you as more than a friend. It would certainly seem he is interested in you sexually. It may not be that he realizes this with his conscious mind and may even deny it but it is his subconscious mind where emotions lie, and our deepest wishes, that betray him. He is either not happy with current gf and waiting for someone better to come along before he breaks up or he is a player and wants to simply add you to his little black book of females whom he can call upon when lonely or horny.

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My current boyfriend who I fell in love with over the last 3 months has had a terrible childhood which left him with some big fears and insecurities inside. This is now putting a huge strain on our relationship as his inability to trust is coming out in full force.

First, his dad left when he was 5 or 6 years old, but not left in a I'm divorcing your mother I'll be down the street kind of way, just disappeared from his life and he never knew anything of him again. (Recently after 20 years he found him finally in another country after years of looking and they had a nice chat but obviously that's not really his father anymore it's a stranger to him)

Then, his mother begins to drink heavily, she becomes an alcoholic + promiscuous. He recalls many people she would bring home that he could hear them and how sometimes she would tell him and his little sister that she would be right back and disappear for days. Other times she would be too drunk to respond to him in a calm way so there was some abuse and name calling and hurtful things there too. (He recently after going to therapy with his mom was able to finally forgive her)

He had to basically raise his little sister by himself with the help of his grandparents (which he respects very much) but which are not very loving or warm and never provided him with more than financial help (I've met them they are very reserved almost cold - *Swedish roots)

So, all his life he has never received love, he doesn't know how to receive it. But I fell in love with him because he , despite all of this, is a genuinely good kindhearted person. He helps everyone, he cares about the earth, he cares about people. He is wonderful. He just doesn't know how to accept love.

And from what I'm seeing now that we are together for a while, he always has an innate fear that when he finds love it will leave him. This translates into - insecurities in the relationship, constantly checking to make sure I still love him, trust issues so deep about cheating (though I've never and would never). It is something I told him I was willing to work in with him.

But he takes it to a whole new level, and I know, I know very well that we can't no matter what we do give people security. That comes from inside them. I can't fix this. I know that.

Now my question is, what CAN I do? How do I handle the constant doubting and fears (it does put a toll you know) and he does deserve to have love , he craves it he wishes it so much. He always says I'm an angel sent from somewhere to bring so much love to his life and the best thing that has happened to him, but when he drinks and often when he doesn't drink too, he starts to doubt me, how much I love him, he starts to ask if I am going to leave him, if I'm always honest with him etc etc ..... what CAN I do? If I want to be with him for this not to destroy us eventually?

Oh hon, I know this situation all too well, I've gone thru it too. As to what you can do, the short answer is to encourage him to go to see a counselor. I am sure you or he may not want to do that, it sounds drastic...I know. But here's the rest of the information, as to why I say that. I had an ex husband I'll call Mark. Mark would treat me like crap, verbally abusing me. He did not come out and say he thought I might leave him but I got cards from him with the same praise for sticking with him, thanking me for loving and being such an angel and promising to do better for me. It was a nasty cycle that kept repeating and repeating. It doesn't sound like you are being physically or emotionally/verbally abused. However I was verbally abused until the very end of our marriage when he began to forcefully push and shove me just because he was angry. We were church going christians and he did everything, joining mens groups that were fashioned to help men become better husbands and fathers. He really did try but unknown to him or me, there were things lurking in his childhood as well as another issue, that were working against him.
So here's what we learned at the end of our marriage when we both went to see a psychologist for him. I got to talk to the psychologist as well, giving my take on things. What the Dr. discovered is that, like your bf, Mark was afraid that in his entire life time, that he would always be abandoned by females. The Dr based this on stories he got from Mark himself. It started in childhood when he overheard a Dr. telling his Dad in hospital waiting room that his Mom might not pull through and may die. He grew an unnatural fear that even after recovery, his Mom would leave the family one day. When that did not happen, during his teen years with dating, he couldn't hold onto a girlfriend. For some reason they all kept leaving him. It wasn't until Mark married me when he was 24 that someone stayed with him. Why did I stay? Two fold: one being that in the beginning I loved him. Two being that in the church we were taught that divorce is wrong and to trust God to heal our marriage. So I stuck with it long after the abuse had slowly chipped away any love I once had. I didn't hate him either mind you, I just no longer loved him. The Dr. realized that through-out our 30 year marriage, he had been unknowingly using a tactic some people use, doing whatever they can to force a situation to help self fulfill his own prophecy that females would always abandon/leave him. So that means Mark had been treating me like crap in order to get me to the point I was so fed up with him that I would leave him, and thus he could claim to himself that he was right all along with his imagined prophecy.

I asked the Dr. what the chances were for improvement in Mark. He told me that even with constant Dr. visits, he may not change at all to the day he died. He had to have the willingness to go and really work on it. Which he did not. He did not want to go see the Dr. in the first place. A nice couple who were new friends for us had the husband, who I'll call Sam, who used to be a counselor in the Army. He know enough to spot that there was a problem with Mark, especially in how he treated me or even his own wife for that matter. He suggested I tell him to go see a counselor. I burst out crying and telling him that it would not work because another psych. thing some people do who know there is something wrong but too afraid to see a Dr to find out what, will do a distraction tactic and keep pointing the finger at others, mainly me tho, to say that we are the problem, not him, telling others in public what a terrible wife I was to get along with.
Mark only went to see a counselor because Sam insisted it was important. Somewhere along the line he mentioned to Sam that he just merely going along with these visits in an effort to keep me but still didn't believe there was anything wrong with him. When that happened, I finally gave up and left him and divorced.
So what I am saying is that with that kind of traumatic childhood, in this case, not a mental quirk of his own but how he was treated, there is going to definitely be a need to get outside help.

If I could not in 30 years, help him to feel reassured so he could begin to treat me better, I doubt there is anything a person other than a trained psychologist can do. The Dr. felt the same. He dropped seeing the Dr. I met someone else and remarried. I have contact with the ex due to adult children and celebrations of birthdays, holidays, and he has continued to not be able to hold onto any girlfriends. One daughter told me she recently heard he had gone to see a Dr. and it was found that he has Aspergers. He has talked about it and doesnt seem ashamed to try to hide it like the other issues he suffers with because my guess is that it seems more normal, like not a mental disorder but he catagorizes it more like a learning disorder like dyslexia or even ADD. My current husband has no issues with my ex, but he has taken psychology in school and almost but didnt go to get a psychology degree. So he even sees there is still a main issue. That untreated for this lurking problem that Mark still has, he will continue to have problems with knowing how to have normal relationships with anyone, let alone a gf. This would include his children, other relatives, co workers. Finally I get it why he could never last in a job very long, 2 years at the most before he was let go. I am beginning to think that inter-relational issues between him and boss or coworkers were why he really never lasted at jobs. Mark even told me once of coworkers talking about him in a bad light once when he got to work early and heard them on other side of cubicle wall.

In your case, I believe there is more hope than there was for me. You did not mention any problems with how he treats you other than needing constant reassurance that you won't leave him. You've heard of PTSD i am sure, post traumatic stress disorder. IT is not something that only vets suffer but anyone who has lived through traumatic things, or events in life. Just as those with PTSD require special help from a professional, so will any one else with any kind of traumatic life events in their past, and your bf's certainly qualify for a need for professional help.

Usually, married couples will go see a counselor to save a marriage if possible. But I haven't heard of many dating couples who do that. I can say, it will not go away, no matter what you say or do to reassure him. Hopefully, he will want to go for help. If he doesn't and thinks he can just do more of the same he had to do as a young person, raising his sister, just using a little grit and determination and willpower to get better, then you will have to decide if staying with him is worth it or whether you need to leave because he is adamant about not getting help and you know you can't live with the same old same old for the rest of your life.
Here's a trick I used on that regard to ask myself: Can I stand the same old for the next 6 months, sure...easy...I've already done that. Could I do it for a year or two. Yes, i won't like it but I can hang in there. When I asked myself if I could handle everything the same without any improvement for the next 10 yrs or maybe for the rest of my life, I surprised myself by bursting out crying. I realized I could not emotionally handle that. And there is no reason why anyone else should have to force themselves to stay for someone who doesn't care enough about themselves or their partner for that matter, to become healed to be a better mate for their partner.
I will close with that. I wish you the best dear.

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i recently asked you a question called how to get two concert programs on Netflix and when i searched your advice column it still was not in there will it arrive before this one does ?

So sorry but your question did not show up until today the 4th. I check the column every day and have only not been on for maybe 5 days in the last 4 years. I have netflix too but have trouble searching for shows on there myself. I think that some programs are not even listed on netflix. But you can certainly call them and ask. Its an 800 number so no cost to ask.
1 (866) 579-7172

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I'm in my early 20s , a female and havnt had many full time jobs before.
I have just started new role, and I like it and the team seem nice.

My problem is that for some reason at work and in work environments I become very shy. I don't speak out and join in small talk. I put my guard up and somehow I just CAN'T join in!

At first I on purposely kept quiet because I didn't want to seem too pushy. But I'm worried if I carry on I might seem less shy and more aloof. What should I do? I have bad social anxiety.

Perhaps you feel more comfortable with people you know well, friends, family. I was like that. Anyone else was an unknown quantity and I had no idea what they would think of me whether i spoke up or not, whether I would be teased or looked down at and you know, basically all the things that come with social anxiety.
You said the team of employees seem quite nice. So maybe they are. Start with trying to befriend just one person, meaning you talk to just the one more than others, get to know him or her better, have lunch together, and once you have one person who is a friend besides co worker, that may help you to feel like anxious seeing their face among other coworkers. There are personality types where it is normal for the person to be more quiet, speak less, listen more. To prove you are listening, feed back what you heard a coworker say. Someone says their daughter wants to be a witch for Halloween, and you say, "So your daughter wants to be a witch?" The other person is happy because you have shown you were listening and people like to be heard. What can you say related to that statement? Practice scenerios like this in your head when not at work, at home alone...think out what someone said at work today and after the fact, write down all the things you could have said.
Heres some obvious ones to the example above:

1. Does she have a costume yet?
If they say yes, you can next ask if she bought it or made it.
2. (she made it) Wow, you are really talented.
(she bought it) Where did you find the costume?
even if you don't give a crap about talking about a costume, you're doing it for them not for yourself cus you like the subject matter.
3. (She hasn't even begun looking) If you have seen some Halloween stores, then mention where they are. If you have a witches hat, you could offer to lend it to her for her daughter.

It doesn't take much to seem a part of the conversation. In general, most stuff people talk about, only half is what I hear, I find interesting to me personally.

Forcing yourself out of your comfort zone in tiny baby steps is what will help you to overcome your anxiety.

If you do make a close friend of a coworker, it may be helpful to have her know you have social anxiety so she can help draw you into conversations if you can't think of anything to say.

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17/f south africa
I have a business project where we need to design a product (can exist already) and then the packaging must also be nice and we have to make a commercial for it. I know one group is making a phone holder for when you charge it. I literally cant think of anything. It needs to be something we'd be able to make and package

Thanks for explaining. So here's my idea. What of women who don't want to wear a head set over their head to hear for phone calls and mess up their hair? And it must have microphone so callers can hear you. So how about a flexible metal choker style circlet easy to place around your neck ( I've seen these in jewelry making sections of craft stores. Then using tiny microphones already created, clamp one onto front middle on some sort of rod that will hold it up close to your mouth for when you speak and ear buds and be wound around on the sides with enough cord to reach the ears. Many such devices are microphones that can be pinned onto clothing or hooked over the ear. I don't like the feeling of anything hooked over the outside of my ear. The selling point is so women don't have to get their hairstyle messed up and you don't have to worry that the part that goes over the ear will fall off constantly as seemed to happen to me.

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So I had unprotected sex with this guy and he of course came inside of me but I took a plan B pill but we had sex again and he came inside me (didn't tell me). Is the pill still affective or sound I take another?

I side with Advicemans answers. I only want to add a warning that you choose to not rely on plan B, also called the Morning after pill, as your choice of birth control. It comes with warnings to not use as your regular method of birth control and can have yucky side effects if used too much. Heres a link to information on plan b and what I just told you

https://www.drugs.com/plan-b.html

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My boyfriend has fingered me but m late on my periods ...does this a sign of pregnancy?? Pls help me with the correct solutions

Fingering doesn't cause pregnancy. Now if the male was nude and touching himself before fingering you, there is a slight chance if he had pre-cum on his fingers from touching himself and immediately placed those fingers inside of you that any sperm there might have had a chance to survive. But that still means conditions had to be right on your end with you ovulating. If not, then there was no egg for his sperm to fertilize.

Late periods are due to different kinds of stresses to the body. There is emotional stresses when you worry because you don't want to become pregnant but are not using any birth control other than condoms. Then there are physical ones like your body fighting off the beginning of a cold or sickness, even hayfever is stressful to the body. Having an episode of depression or anxieties untreated can be emotional stress leading to late periods as well as emotional aftermath of something traumatic you've experienced, or fear besides the main one of worry.

The only way to get pregnant is if a sperm meets your ripe egg. If there is no possible way sperm had a chance to get in there, then there is no pregnancy. If you feel there is a chance that sperm got in some other way, take a pregnancy test.

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Do black women wear panties?

Adviceman is right...singling out just one skin color of woman and asking that question is coming across as racist. Maybe you just didn't give the question any thought before asking and didn't mean to sound that way.

So, I am giving you another chance to be explaining how your thought processes led you to wonder this. What events have been happening to cause you to believe a particular thing.
If you don't understand what I am getting at, here's an example of the kind of back story I would need of you. Lets say you are a black man. You are on a dating site and going out with lots of women, all races. You find that of all the women you've met that without fail, you have not been able to spot a panty line on all the black women, the asian or white ones seem to all be wearing panties. Recieving that followed by "Why do you think that might be?" does not come across so much as racist rather than a weird coincidence you are experiencing and wondering if you are missing some piece of info. I would then say, its just a matter of personal taste how the women want to dress, same as men who either wear briefs, boxers or nothing under their pants. It's not a race thing but if you've experienced such a coincidence, don't pay it any mind.

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All of my college friends are getting engaged or married and I don't even have time to date.

I work full time, and take four classes. I'm always either working, doing homework, or studying. When it's not one of those then there's some kind of other life or family obligation. I can't take less classes because then I would fall under full time status.

Every time I try to date somebody I realize within a week I have 0 time to see them. If I try to make time I get extremely stressed because I have other things I need to be doing.

I feel like I'm going to be one of those people who will be single forever because I have to put work before anything else. I have to pay my own bills and the job I want will require me to get at least a Masters, but I'm aiming for a PhD for better job security. That means I'll be in school until I'm at least 30.

All in all, I get extremely depressed about it. I want to go out and spend time with somebody. I want to have fun and make memories. I don't want to constantly be so busy, but right now I feel like I have no choice. I have to do what keeps a roof over my head.

I am going to bet that some of your peers who are getting married but are in college, are either working part time or the parents have been funding their college, and there are likely some who will not be putting in as much schooling as you plan. You are correct that there isn't much time to date. You have two things that both take a high priority and should be given a great amount of time. You choose schooling. If you are having second thoughts, then put the finishing up of school on hold, date, marry, have a kid or two and then with husbands support, go back to school, before the kids are teens and more expensive to raise.
On the other hand, being in school until age 30 may sound depressing, interfering with a love life. However if you sitck with this path, you will not want to waste time to find Mr. Right, marry him and have kids right from the start.
If wondering if age 30 is too old to get married or be trying for a kid, I know plenty of women, including myself who waited to have kids, I was 27, 30 and 33 for each my 3 kids. So if you decide to stick with school til 30, I would suggest you use an internet dating site like E Harmony, one of those you pay membership to use. Men using these are more likely to be ready to settle down and marry and have kids. You don't end up having to date a lot of duds for several years until you happen across the right one. Use of a dating site cuts out that hunt for a needle in a haystack futility of trying to find an eligible man who meets your needs and wants.

One more thing to mention regarding age....don't know if you know this, but after scientific tests and research, its a known fact that the pre-frontal lobe of the brain which is responsible for good decision making and foreseeing of possible issues down the road, and being more accepting, less critical, etc... is a part that is not completely mature and done growing until people reach age 25 at the youngest and it could be more like 30. It is way more challenging to marry or attempt raising a kid at any age younger than the range I gave you. It can be done but can be very frustrating with a good possibility of making lots of mistakes or not the best decisions.

When I met my 2nd husband through dating site, we were both older and lived far enough apart that it was not working to see each other after work weekdays. Sometimes he had to work half a Saturday. We'd known over just weeks that we were a good bet for each other so we moved in together. His work days were long 12 to 14 hours easy. So he felt he had no time for me. But living together made it so we got to see each other late evening, sleep next to each other, wake together and have weekends together. We had that for 3 yrs before his job status changed and it worked for us. OUr kids were all grown, and it was just concern about our marriage. I know its not your situation, but I add this to show that when you've found the right person, where theres a will, theres a way. I wouldn't go back and do it any other way. You need to come to a place where you know that in looking back later, you would be able to also say, I wouldn't have done it any other way if I could go back in time.

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