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What should I do about my friend
e and I have had a bit of a falling out lately and yesterday we started to talk again. He seems to think I ve been purposely trying to avoid him even though sometimes I just have trouble communicating. I told him that but he still doesn t seem to get it. He says he s scared to tell me how he feels about everything and I told him it s just an excuse for not being upfront to me. We ve been best friends for a long time and all I want is for him to stop being so indirect about his feelings. He also got his "gf" (they re not dating but they are romantically involved 😉) to talk to me for him and she had nothing to with it so that pissed me off. How can I talk to him? What should I say now? I just want him to be direct about how he feels and stop acting like I m purposely pushing him out of my life.
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Sorry hun, I don't think I can give any helpful advice as what you write is too vague for me. I have no idea what your falling out was about (it might provide some clues), I have no idea about how regular you see each other for him to believe you are avoiding him and if anything has changed in how often you see him, I have no idea what you mean by sometimes having trouble communicating (to me it's a matter of social anxiety or lack of communication skills that cause the issues) I have no idea what the "Everything" is that he is scared to reveal how he feels about. (Everything covers alot of things. I need some examples of specifics) I have no idea what is causing he to feel scared in the first place (I would like input from you if you have any ideas based on anything that previously happened in your friendship to cause him to be scared in the first place) What exactly is he not being upfront about...(just one thing he isn't giving you an answer on? or you ask him lots of questions and he evades every single one...that is helpful info to me) I do not know what kind of feelings you want him to stop being indirect about. Feelings are emotions. (So it can cover him not telling you what flavor of icecream he loves or what genre of books he hates or it can be more related to how he feels about you and where you stand in his life which you did not state) If the other gal is not a girlfriend, then they are only friends with benefits, nothing more. I can understand resenting him having her get involved. Perhaps he feels she understands him better and doesn't have the same issues with him. But then again, she wouldn't need to have that work out for her if all they have is the romance and sex. It takes more for a full relationship between a man and woman committed to each other as a couple, to work out.
I can hardly tell you what to say, let alone to know if there are contributing factors to the problem. By what you have mentioned so far, you have a problem with him being direct. I don't understand why that is a problem. People all have their differences. Some differences, others can tolerate, some can't. these differences may seem a great deal to some but differences are just that, being allowed to be different does not necessarily mean one or the other is wrong. Different does not mean that a person is misguided or erring in some way and needs to change or see that some one elses idea is right and they were wrong. If I meet someone with whom there are too many things that irritate me simply cus I am not like that, I don't try to convince them to change to be someone I like to be around. Heck I even have a family member or two whom I choose to spend lots less time with as their personality is very irritating to me and I know they love and care about me but its not fair to them for me to force the issue and spend tons of time with them which causes me to be so irritated that I might bark at them or say something that hurts their feelings. They are who they are and no one can change another person except the individual himself/herself. And that only if they come to a place of feeling that they can improve upon their character and then they do.
Not trying to evade helping but I know this is important to you and I just don't feel like spending a lot of time guessing or explaining for zillions of possibilities when there may only be one or two scenerios I need to address. Thank you for your patience hon.
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