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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

My husband's parents recently brought up the idea of buying a large piece of property in my town so they, my husband and I, and my brother-in-law and his family can all live together. We will each have our own house on the property so it will be something like a family commune.

I'm against the idea. They tend to be nosy and don't see a problem with dropping in unannounced and expecting to be entertained. There is also the fact that they do not like me and go out of their way to make sure I know that. They have went so far as to tell me that I'm a bad wife and tell my husband he made a mistake marrying me. I have told my husband that if they do move here, I want to move somewhere else. He is also against the idea. He sees their obvious dislike of me and also doesn't like the idea of the loss of privacy. I spoke to my sister-in-law and she said that she and her husband are against the idea as well. She also mentioned that she would want to move if they move here.

My problem is this: no one will tell my in-laws that they don't like the idea. I'm afraid that if no one says something, my in-laws are going to take that as acceptance of their idea and go forward with it. They already have started the search for property. Once they buy the property, we'll all feel obligated to move onto it, even though it's going to make us miserable. My husband and his brother say that they can't stop them if they want to move here. If I or my sister-in-law say something, we run the risk of being accused of keeping them from their sons and grandchildren.

How would you handle a situation like this?

You don't have a good relationship with them anyways. They've already accused you of being a bad wife so them accusing you of trying to keep their sons and grandchildren away isn't going to destroy the relationship you have with them or anything like that. I think that the best thing to do would be to get everyone together for a sort of family meeting, as cliche as that sounds. You can organize it and be the black sheep for a little while, but once you get it all started, other people will chime in. Someone just has to initiate it. If people don't want to do something they're going to stick up for themselves once they feel comfortable doing it. You can create that comfort by getting it all started. Everyone else is just too afraid to be the one to bring it up. I hope that everything gets straightened out and I wish you luck!

No, Lisa, he lives in a different county. He lives 80 miles away. And I never got his AIM or email. What now?

Unless you know where he lives I think you can answer this question for yourself. There's nothing you can do but be upset about it for awhile. If your paths cross again someday get his e-mail address or at least SOMETHING. You made the mistake of not and, well, the opportunity has passed you by for the time being. If you know his last name, which you probably don't, but just in case you do, you can search for him in hotmail, myspace, xanga, and other internet sites. Other than that...yeah, you can give yourself a kick in the butt for not acting when you had the chance. A lesson for next time I guess. There's nothing I can say to make you feel better and you're probably all out of options. You'll get over him in time. Just like with any crush. That's all I can give you. Good luck.

I met this guy at a series of math conferences. He's really cute, fun to talk to, and really smart. During the conference breaks, we basically spent the whole time talking and hanging out. I know this sounds ridiculous, but...I have a big crush on him now. The only problem is---I'll probably never see him again. He goes to school in a different county. How should I get over him?

I know this makes me sound like a moronic, blathering idiot, but at least I can find some advice here without anyone actually knowing who I am.

Hmm, well it wouldn't be a bad thing to talk to e-mail back and forth or talk online. Even if a relationship is out of the question you can still be friends with him. Plus, having a crush on someone you can't date isn't necessarily a bad thing and it's not like you can control how you feel! You'll get over him with time. For now, I would say try to stay in contact with him. Who knows...maybe you two will meet up again sometime somewhere and the circumstances will be better for a relationship. And if not, at least you'll have made a great friend in a different country. Not too many people can say that they have that. I hope that everything works out for you and I wish you the best of luck!

i REALLY like this guy. but we kinda just got in a fight.. he wasnt in a good mood in the first place.. and i was trying to tell him how hes feeling.. and i dont know. im just not, good at calming people down. i seem to make them madder obviously.. anyway, now hes mad and he blocked me.. and i dont wanna call him because if i do i think ill just make it worse. and i like him A LOT. what do i do?

Anything you do is probably just going to escalate the situation. Relax and give it time. Everything will get straightened out quicker if you don't do anything at all. Pretty much just pretend like nothing happened. I hope I helped you and good luck!

Ok well this is a really strange question since most people ask the opposite, but does anyone know how I could gain like 10 pounds since I am really really skinny and people blame me for being anorexic? (and please just don't say eat more, since I already eat a lot and it doesn't really do anything). I pretty much want to gain weight all over, except for my abbs which i want to keep flat. Any ideas? Thanks a bunch in advance!

This is something you should ask a professional about. Talk to your doctor or see a dietician. You want to gain weight, but you also want to do it in a healthy way. Good luck!

Do belly (navel) rings look bad on overweight people? I want to get a belly ring but I am overweight so I am not sure how good it will look. What do you think? Thanks

I think it would look great. I know some larger girls that have belly button rings and they are just as cute on them as they are on anybody else. I think that if it's something you want that you should go for it. Good luck!

i have been getting discharge for about 6 months, and i asked waht it was when i first started getting it. i was told that it means that i am going to get my period soon. but it has been a half a year and i still dont have my period. why is this and when will i get it? and please don't say, "oh you are so lucky not to have your period don't worry about it it will come when it comes it isnt something you want." because that is not my question. my question is why i haven't gotten it even though i have been getting discharge for a long time, and when will i get my period.

There's no set time when you will get your period. Generally, you'll get it about a year after your breasts start developing and a half a year after your pubic hair starts growing. However, it can vary a lot from person to person. I'm not sure how old you are, but I know people that have gotten it anywheres from age 11 to age 16. The reason you haven't gotten it is because the hormones that cause ovulation haven't been released in your body yet. That's all. There are common signs of it coming that most women experience, but everyone is different and not all women experience them. This is nothing to worry about. Good luck!

my friends have been bugging me about how i have been taking 6 - 8 advils a day. they think i have really bad headaches because i tell them that. but sometimes i take them just for the heck of it.. my friends think that one day i will o.d. but i told them i wont. i also said i stopped taking them, but i havent.. i just dont want them to worry.. do you think im addicted? i dont, but i was wondering what you all think.

If you don't need them, why do you take them? You are addicted. If not physically, you are addicted mentally. Stop taking them and see what happens. If you can't stop or you get sick when you do, you need to get help. I really hope that you do get help anyways. You are a pill popper and doing that can have a very very bad impact on your health, mentally and physically. Good luck.

so i am a female at age 13 going on 14. and about a month ago when i was working on a project with two guys(nerds). anyways he started asking why i had a mastache. and yes everyone has hair their but it shouldnt be noticable like this is? how do i get rid of this problem?
please dont say ignore them
xoxo KML

Did you think it was a problem before those creeps said anything? If so, go ahead and get waxed if you want to pay all that money and waste all that time. If not, those guys were doing nothing but trying to hurt your feelings. A guy did something similar to me when I was younger and it still hurts. I hadn't started shaving my legs yet and he made a comment about how hairy my legs were. I made a fool of myself by trying to use my mom's razor and ending up with one poorly shaved leg and a huge, nasty cut. I get overly embarassed about any hair on my legs to this day and am constantly reminded of what he said to me. I let what that guy said get to me and I shouldn't have. If you go and get waxed you'll only be making a fool of yourself like I did. That kind of reaction is exactly what those guys are looking for. They want to feel powerful and have influence over people. So, they play games with girls that they think are weak and easily influenced. Don't give them what they want. They don't deserve it. There's no reason to get rid of that little bit of facial hair. Like you said, everone's got it and it's not noticeable unless someone is purposely looking for it. Run your own life and make your decisions for you, not for the jerks that feel a need to put you down because of their own insecurities. You may feel bad and self conscious about it for a little while, but if you do something about it you'll be reminded of what they said to you for your whole life. Let it go. Good luck.

okay so i talked to my crush a few days ago. and he says he doesnt know who i am. And i can kinda see that because we havent seen each other in about a year. But i was wondering. Do you think he could be lieing? I mean i remember every glance he shot me and we baiscally stared in each others eyes all the time. And I know he did like me. Do you think hes just saying that he doent remember me? or is he seriouce.. Because im starting to think the maybe if he'd see me again that he might remember.
15/f

I'm sure he knows who you are. I think what he meant was that he doesn't know very much about you. Try to get to know him a little better. As for him having feelings for you, since you have a crush on him you may be misinterpreting or almost imagining the signs you saw. I've done it before and lots of other people have too. That doesn't mean he can't get to like you though, so again, try to talk to him some more and maybe hang out too. Good luck! :)

hii! well today for the first time i tried putting a tampon in..i think its tampax pearl or something like that..and im not sure if i should like wear pads still to school or try to keep using tampons..because it took me awhile to get it in..since it was my first time..but then im scared that i wont be able to put it in again in school..but tampons are sooo much nicer! also the only scary thing is my period is SOOO heavy..its unbelieveable and i cant use the super absorbant ones because my mom only bought the regular ones and then since i just started using then i dont wanna start withh the super ones..i wanna try and get use to them! i think it would be easier on me for gym class (because running and blood going all over..is not the greatest feeling (sorry sooo..gross haha) but..rather than using a pad im just scared that it will leak..since its super heavy and im using a regular tampax..and that if i have to change it during school..i willbe late to class and i wont be able to get it in..what do u think i should do?? because i like tampons alot..its like you dont even have your period! ahh im soo confused..any help?? suggestions?? what would u do?..thanks!!

As already said, you should get used to using the tampons at home before you wear them to school. Get comfortable with them first. Another thing you can do if you're worried or you're having a really heavy day is to wear both a tampon AND a light pad. That way if there's a leak, it doesn't matter. After you've used up the regular tampons have your mom get the super ones if you think they will be better. Tampons hurt when you take them out for one or both of two reasons. They expans a bit as they soak up the blood, so they're slightly bigger coming out and your muscles may not have been relaxed. Try to relax your muscles as you're pulling it out. You'll get used to it before very long. Good luck!

I like this guy and my question is what should i do. we have one class together, we do track together, we flirt all the time, we have a bet as to who will get the higher gpa for the semester, and we are friends (but we just started being friends this past year so not that long). You see the thing is i dont think he likes me, we flirt and hang out but i dont think i've ever heard him talk about girls (in the sense he liked them) except when hes making fun of these two really creepy girls who are like whores in our class together. i have fun with him and i dont know what to do because he also flirts with my friend (but shes a BIG flirt and im not, in fact im pretty shy)! help please, what would you do?

Yow, don't ask what I would do! I would let that opportunity pass me by. I'm not a hypocrite or anything, but I'm not that quick on my feet if you know what I mean. I get scared too, which is not a good thing to be in a situation like this. Anyways, enough about me, you should go for it. Even if he rejects you, he seems like the type of guy that you could go right back to having a fun friendship with that wouldn't be awkward. If you two are into each other, which you definitely are, don't let the opportunity to have a relationship together pass you by. Hint at a relationship gradually more in your flirting and if he doesn't take the initiative himself after a week or two, go ahead and ask him out. You won't regret it. It's worth the try and nothing that bad can come of it really. I hope that everything works out for you and good luck! :)

My b/f and i had sex on March 10 & on March 17. i was supposed to get my period on March 16. i still haven't gotten it. my b/f used condoms both times and there were no rips in them when he 'pulled out.' i have some of the symptoms of being pregnant. AM I????? please help. i will rate high for great responses.

thank you

You're probably fine. If your cycle is following a normal schedule you would have been able to get pregnant closer to the beginning of the month. You can miss your period for reasons other than being pregnant. If you don't get it in the next week take a home pregnancy test just to make sure and hopefully put you at ease. A pregnancy test won't work until 2 weeks after you have sex, so getting one now is a waste. It's going to say you're not pregnant even if you are. I wish you luck! :)

One more thing...something you should think about. Is sex really worth all this stress?

Okay, I really really really want to have sex with him (a.k.a. my boyfriend) but everytime we are about to "do it", I chicken out.

I don't know why, I guess that it's because I'm a virgin.
But I wish I weren't so scared. And I can never figure
out why I back out.

What should I do? Wait to have sex? Or just hold my
tongue and get it over with?

[p.s.] i'm a female, 16 years old

You shouldn't just jump into sex...meaning start small. Since you're ready, but just worried about pain or bleeding, try other things to prepare your body for sex first. You can do them alone (masturbation) or you can do them with your boyfriend (manual sex aka. have him finger you). This will help...stretch you out...and lessen the chances or degree of pain or bleeding when you do have sex. Make sure you use an effective form of protection too. Maybe even two! Good luck!

im a junior in high school and all i ever hear is people talking about what they want to do with their lives. i have no clue what im going to do with my life what i want my profession to be if i want to go to college or what. i know i dont want to work in fast food for the rest of my life and i know i wana move out but i dont know how to go about doing what i want i've tried to talk to my family and friends about my issues but noone listens to me!!

Most people don't know what they're going to do until they're at least 20. Even a lot of the people that have their lives all planned out will either change their minds or end up very unhappy doing something that they hate. It's easy to dream in high school, but having a plan for exactly how you want your life to be is unrealistic. Once you get out into the world a lot of the time you'll see that something you thought you'd love just isn't for you. I learned that the hard way. When I was in second grade I decided that I wanted to be a Marine Biologist. Since I'd already made up my mind I didn't look into anything else. I didn't realize how huge of a leap I was taking when I decided to go to college 4 hours away from home for Marine Biology, something that I knew very little about. I had my heart set on it and sure enough I hated it. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't see a future that I'd enjoy and I had no backup plan. I made a big mistake by knowing exactly what I wanted. I left no room for a change in heart. Everything got straightened out though. Now I'm where I'd rather be, still 4 hours from home, but in a different college and a different major. The majority of college students change majors and/or colleges at least once. You're not in any trouble at all and as long as you have confidence in yourself and what you can do (which it seems you do!) you're not going to end up working fast food for the rest of your life. My advice is to go to college as a liberal arts or undecided major if you're not already planning to. A rinky dink state college or community college is just what you need. It's inexpensive, easy to get into, usually close to home, and you'll get a better idea about what you want to do. A lot of people pay for college on their own (like me!) if your parents are against it or won't help for whatever reason, and even though it seems like money down the drain, it's so worth it in the long run and it's not all that hard to pay back the loans. Trust me, you're in much better shape than you may think. Not knowing what you want to be may be a big deal when you're 25, but you've still got a ways to go before then. Try not to worry about it so much and maybe have a talk with your guidance counselor or someone from the career center of a local college. Good luck!

about last week me, my cousin,my best friend, and my boyfriend all went to the mall and the movies together. i never knew until my cousin told me that he liked my best friend. and i talked to my best friend about it at the time and everything she told me was basically i like your cousin and i will go out with him. well my cousin never got enough courage to ask her out . he was going to this weekend but things happened and no one could leave the house. he has wanted to call her and do it but he doesnt want to do it on the phone.

my best friend;
she has beening talking to a guy that she has meet online for about 2 yars now. he has came down here once and seen her he shock her hand and left. i thought that was the most stupidest thing he could have done. after that day she stopped talking to him (he lives about 3 hours away from where we live) well just recently she started talking t him again. and now ever time she calls she goes i love bryan i love bryan and it bothers the hell out of me.

the problem;
my cousin likes her a lot and she doesnt care anymore all she wants is bryan. it hurts knowing ur cuz has fell so hard over a girl an the girl doesnt like him back. and my boyfriend knew it was bothering me and had a talk to my friend with me on the phone to now she wont talk to me or nothing. i dont know what to do. she wont get over the guy that will probably never see again. can someone help me out please.

This relationship or whatever it is with Bryan in all likelihood will not work out at all. Distance makes it too hard especially at a young age and especially if the relationship actually STARTS long distance. My guess is that nothing at all worthwhile will happen with that. What you need to do is, like younggrandma said, stay out of other people's love lives in the future. If you hadn't told your friend about your cousin, your cousin would have had to tell your friend himself and everything may have worked out perfectly. You did what you thought was right at the time and most people in your position would have done the same thing. It just wasn't the right thing to do. Now that you are involved you can try to set things right. Talk to your cousin and tell him that he needs to talk to your friend. There is still a chance. He can give her a lot that Bryan can't. He can hold her hand, hug her, and see her every day. If she can see that and isn't completely obsessed with Bryan yet, she should go for your cousin. He needs to work up the courage because if he doesn't he will not only miss his chance with your friend, but may have problems with starting relationships well into the future. If it doesn't work just let it go. If it was meant to be, it will find its own way. Good luck!

I still love my exboyfriend more than anything. I don't know what to do though. I am WAY too scared to ask him back out and my friends won't do it for me because they hate him. I'm still in love with him and I need him. Please Help Me

I'm not trying to sound mean or sarcastic, but...if you love him so much and need him that much, why is it so hard for you to ask him out? Either do it or don't. Nobody on here can help you. Stuff hurts sometimes and there isn't a quick fix or perfect answer for everything. This is something you need to deal with and figure out on your own, or talk about with someone that is very close to you. Since it's so hard for you to ask this guy, I think that maybe you should reevaluate your feelings for him. It may feel like love, but how can it truly be love if you can't even talk to him and tell him how you feel? It sounds to me like you just like him a lot and are attracted to him. Nothing more. My advice would be to either ask him out again the very next time you see him, or move on. Again, I'm not being mean, just honest. Try reading through your question as if someone else had written it and I think you may see where I'm coming from. Good luck!

i am a girl. 1 am 26 yrs. I allready have sex with somebody. but not very deep. but i am not sure i am still vergin. now i am going to married with differen person. now i am very up sad because if the person know that i already sex with somebody else mean sure this person dont want me. my questions is the person can find out that i already have sex with somebody else? please advise me?

Sex is sex. You are not a virgin, but there is no way for anyone to know unless you tell them. So you can keep it to yourself for the rest of your life and no one will know any different. A torn hymen is not a accurate way of telling because it can be torn from other things like stretching. Some girls don't even have a hymen, plus, you said that when you did have sex that he didn't go very deep so your hymen should not have been affected by that anyways. There are quite a few people that believe that they can tell if someone is a virgin, but they definitely cannot. If your guy gives you a hard time about it, he's not worth it. It's pretty rare for a person to have one sex partner for their entire life. It's silly to require that your partner hasn't done anything with anyone but you. Not only is it old fashioned, it's very unrealistic. Good luck!

What are some good love songs of the classic rock genre?

thanks!
xoxo

Aerosmith's "Angel" and "I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing" are good ones. I think enough else has been mentioned though, goodness. :)

I'm a guy and 16 years old. I was just wondering if going anywhere or doing anything is ok for a first date (my first ever). It'll be this friday. I was thinking about a movie and then some dinner. Would that be ok? I'm pretty comfortable around her, but I'm not too sure if this would be better for later dates as opposed to the first one. Any other ideas or suggestions, things to remember? Are there any guidelines or rules that I should follow as the guy? It is true - guys are much more nervous than girls when it comes to this. Thanks in advance; will rate

I think that a first date should be a fun date more than a romantic one. Movies and dinner might get a little awkward. You'll both probably have different expectations. Should you hold her hand at the movie or put her arm around her, what should you talk about at dinner, what kind of movie should we go to, what will she like.....there's just too many things that can go wrong. Until you know her a little better her expectations for dates and how she acts during them, I'd stick to something more active. Some suggestions would be bowling, the park, laser tag, basically something fun that you'd do with a friend to have a good time. I don't really know what you have in your area, but I'm sure you can think of something. Dinner and a movie isn't a TERRIBLE idea and it could go well, but it's kind of risky. I wish you lots of luck and I hope that your date goes well!

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