Siren_Cytherea's advice column

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Q: I'm 15 and weigh 110 pounds. I think that's OK for me, because I'm about 5'3". But, some of my family thinks that I'm anorexic, just because I don't eat a lot of meat & stuff at family gatherings. Like, my grandma will be like "Oh I'm so glad you're actually eating!" When I'm like the biggest pig! I hate people thinking that I have an eating disorder, what should I do?

Sounds like me. Like, literally. Last year I was 15, 5'3" and weighed 110 pounds. You're fine. I looked up my BMI at the time because my friends were convinced that I was underweight. When I found out I was normal, I shoved it in their faces, and said "HA. I told you!" So don't worry about it. I suggest you get your BMI off a website and print it out to show them that you're fine. That should get them off your back. ^_^
-Siren

Q: i care a lot about what people think
what should i do?

The fact that you care about what people think says you're a little insecure. I'm gonna assume you mean that you care a lot about what people think of you. Firstly, you should learn to love yourself, and know that the only opinion that matters, in that case, is your own. Never let what other people think influence your opinion about yourself. =)
-Siren

Q: All of my friends are really worried about me because I cut myself. My parents don't know I still cut, but they know that I used to. I'm addicted to hurting myself and I don't want to stop. Everyone wants to change me but I refuse to. How do I get everyone to stop trying to get me to change?

Alright, I'm all for getting people to stop bothering you and trying to make you change, but you have to stop cutting. Cutting is BAD. It's good that you realize you're addicted, but being addicted to cutting versus coffee, or something, is not necessarily a good thing...
To get them to stop trying to make you change, you have to stop what's causing them to bother you. In this case, it would be your cutting habits.
Don't think of it as "changing," so much. Think of it as healing. If you can heal, then they will stop trying to make you change. Good luck.
-Siren

Q: My beau and I went to the same school a long time.
but my mom took me out of Ferris ISD. to go to Ovilla christan school. after a bad 6 weeks my mom started to homeschool me. And ever sense I have only talked to him 3 times. what do I do?

from Cokechick :.]

Are you still with him? I suggest you call him and tell him that the two of you should talk once a week at least to keep up your friendship/relationship. He's probably willing to comply. ^_^
Good luck!
-Siren

Q: I'm a 15 year old girl. I'm responsible and respectful. I don't drink, smoke, have sex, do drugs, or anything of the sort. I haven't had a boyfriend in almost 4 years and have no interest in having one, I get exceptional grades, and I'm extremely focused on my schoolwork and acting career. The problem is with my father. This past winter, I met a guy in my drama class. I'm a freshman and he's a senior, I'm white and he's black. We have no interest in a relationship, but we are very good friends. I have alot of guy friends, and this was no different. I'm friends with this guy because I can relate to him. We both struggle with depression, have a love of acting, and we just get along great. He gets good grades and has a future. He's respectful to authority and gets along with everyone. We started talking on the phone. It was just general stuff-cooking, acting, music, that kind of thing. My father is kind of racist, which is stupid, i know. He thinks that a person shouldn't associate with a black person outside of work or school. He's being a hypocrite, since I know that he's had plenty of african-american friends. Anyways, my father (whom I have no respect for for several reasons and who doesn't live with me and hasn't since before i was in kindergarten) found out and now I'm not allowed to talk to any guys on the phone whatsoever unless its my boss or a male relative. He said he'd reconsider when I'm 16, but he's already said that he probably won't allow it until I'm 18. This is ridiculous-I've already told 3 guys this year that I wouldn't go out with them, and I dont want a boyfriend at all. I'm a responsible teenager and I simply want a little freedom. I never go anywhere with my friends, and I've never done anything to make them not trust me. My father gets mad if I say anything about my friends, or anything at all besides my grades and schoolwork.He constantly puts me down about my grades and schoolwork and makes fun of me, but i'm required to call him once a week and endure the rude remarks. I just want to be able to talk to my guy friends on the phone, and i think this is extremely unfair. He won't listen to my point of view at all. How can I get him to see things my way?

Have you told your father what you just told us, aside from the slightly accusatory (though most likely true) remarks involving him? If not, you need to do so. If you have, and he's still being - excuse my bluntness - assholeish about you seeing this guy, maybe he needs to meet him. If this guy is really as nice as you make him out to be, maybe he'll be able to charm your father into liking him and giving you the freedom you want.
Sometimes with situations like this, it's good to use what you have/want to get what you want. In this case, use your friend to get your dad to give you freedom. Talk this over with the guy first and make sure he's okay with helping you. I hope this helped!
-Siren

Q: Their is a boy I like and their is a three year age difference. He said I'm too young. Am I really? He's only two grades higher than me, but that is my brothers best friend. Do you think it would be wrong to go out with him?

Three years is like, nothing. The fact that he's your brother's best friend could be a bit of a hinderance and possibly awkward, but if you want to go for it, then do so. As for the "am I really too young?" question, it's really up to you two. If he wants more in a relationship than you do, he might be too old for you. But then, girls mature faster than guys, so it might not be much of a problem. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: i have been with my boyfriend for about 10 months and the sex has been normal, however recently for some reason i have gone off sex, i just dont feel like it as much as i used to, is that normal, cause my boyfriend doesnt think so and he's getting frustrated about it, we keep arguing all the time because off this, help.........

It's perfectly normal to not want to have sex. He shouldn't get pissed at you for just not feeling like it. Give it awhile and you'll probably want it again. =)
-Siren

Q: I have liked this guy for a really long time and i really want to go out with him. He really likes me too. The problem is neither one of us is brave enough to ask the other one out. So do you think i should make the first move or wait for him. I hear him talking about me all the time. What should i do?

Well since it's perfectly acceptable in today's society for girls to ask guys out, and it sounds like you really like each other, just go for it. He'll probably thank you for saving him one hell of a lot of nervousness. Guys can appreciate when a girl makes the first move, so just take a deep breath and ask him out. You'll probably be better off once this step is out of the way. =)
-Siren

Q: my life is shit
i wanna die
here i go
its a bumpy ride

wondering how and when
it should be done
should i stab my chest
or use a gun
should i poison myself
or maybe drown
will people smile
or will they frown

will they cry
i'll never know
doesnt matter
here i go
should i slit my wrists
or not do it at all
im on a cliff
should i fall
if i die
will you care
or will you pretend
i was never there

why doesnt anyone like me?
why doesnt anyone care?
why doesnt anyone help?
why isnt anyone there?
I try to talk to people
I try to tell them how I feel
damn, i pour my heart to them
because this i can't conceal
I've always been ignored
I've always been scared
I've cried
I've tried
But now I wana die
So now I have made a choice
a choice about death or life
I wipe my tears away
and get out a knife
I stab it into my wrists
cut them real deep
soon I'll be in a better place
the bloods starting to seep
i have no more worries
no more fears
no more pain
dont have cry no more tears
now i am happy
wait, should I be?
I have missed out on my whole life
I am drenched in blood, just look at me
I am sorry mommy
I am sorry dad
I knew you always loved me
sorry to make you sad
but now all i can see is white
i'm getting close to the light
bye to people who ignored me'
bye to the people who hated me
bye to the people who didn't know i even existed bye forever
I am at the light now
I am in a better place
do not follow me
i am never to far away

I really hope this is just random poetry...If it is, it's excellent. It moved me.
If it isn't, please, PLEASE, talk to someone. Suicide is NEVER the answer. There's always something to live for.
-Siren
If you want someone to talk to, really, you can IM me. I'm SirenCytherea on AIM. =)

Q: My heart once was broken Untill I found you...
You took my heart,
You took some glue,
You put it back together,
And I thank you.

If I had a choice to live or die by your side,
I would die in an instant.

"Just Die"

I sit here cold and lonely,
I hear you whisper,
I hear you cry,
Why cant you just die?
You're my fears,
You're my tears,
I can see you here,
You're everywhere,
I can't stop what I have begun,
My Love is endless,
It's driving me insane!
Please turn out the lights,
Fade away into the dark,
I can't stop,
I love you,
I hate you,
I need you,
I Breathe you
GO AWAY.

"Disapear"

I've fallen down below,
I know you wish I wasnt here,
It's too late,
I made the mistake,
I gave in, Death is not my fear?!
Dont cry, I was sapposed to die,
Close your eyes and it will all disapear.

"You left me here"

Im crying,
Im laying here dying,
You let go, you left me behind,
I've cried long enough,
I tried to get you,
I tried to show you,
I was ignored,
and this night you'd wish u didnt leave me here,
Don't let me cry alone, dont let me die alone.

"Lost voice"

I tried to speak the words wouldnt come out.
I tried to tell you how much I love you and that I care.
I wnated you to know I wanted to say the words but my mouth forced them back in.
Losing the words to say, my mind is caving in.
I need to tell you these things if only I could, I would.

"You Let Go"

I felt your grip,
You held me tight,
Untill tonight,
I feel myself slipping away,
Dont try to save me,
Why would u want to?
You were the one who let go.

I have more... I'll add em later!!

By- MyNightmarex666

*Snaps fingers repeatedly*
Yay, beatnik applause! Lol. You are an outstanding poet. Keep it up!
-Siren

Q: I've liked a certain guy for over a year, and finally let him know. I had my best friend tell him, but she told him in front of his friends. So, his friends started saying all this totally untrue stuff about me (like that I'm a slut & that I'm easy, even though I've never had sex w/ anyone!) My friend also told me that my crush likes someone else. I know I should get over him, but it's soooo hard. Any suggestions??

Okay, first of all, YOU need to tell him his friends need to stop dissing you. Or better yet, tell THEM to stop spreading lies. Secondly, you do need to get over him. He's being an ass by letting his friends say all this mean stuff. Based on that, he does not deserve your affections. As for tricks for getting over him, take your diary and make a list of what you like about him and what you don't. Try to find more things you dislike than things you do. Could you really stand to be with a guy who has all those faults? I don't think so. ^_^
I've had this problem before, and it sucks. I hope everything works out. =)
-Siren

Q: her eyes are swollen, she cannot see
she feels like three, in that poem bout misty
shes just and expensive joke
no more no less then speed or coke
she had been kidnapped by her ex
because he was jealous and wanted sex
oh dear god he's back again
I beg please let this end
now the time has come
for him to run
for this is my last scar
do me a favor
don’t let your relationships go this far....

You're a great poet. I could completely set music to some of those...Lol. But seriously, get these published. They're very good. =)
-Siren

Q: ok. i was going out with this guy for 2 weeks, and i didnt no it but he broke up with me. he told my friend he wanted to break up. he said the reason was because he was happier bein single. then a few months later he told my friend that he broke up with me because his stepbrother thought i was ugly. so my x-boyfrind believed him. now i always catch him staring at me. and never wantin 2 b by me. Also wenever he see's me he try's to get all over gurls. I dont like him anymore. but i kinda do. why does he do that?

Frankly, because guys are really really stupid. As for the "getting all over girls" part, I think he's trying to make you jealous, which I don't quite get. Either that or he's just an asshole. Were I you, I would try to get completely over this guy. He doesn't deserve your affections. Good luck!
-Siren

Q: my boyfriend that i live with read my email from a man that i was planning on sleeping with in the near future and i no he knows should i bring it up he is giving me the cold shoulder my live in that is what should i do should i bring it up should i just ignore it the only reason i was planning on sleeping with the guy any how is that my live in and i have a non existent sex life and i was desperate well i hope someone out there can help me get back in the good graces of my live in

Okay, he shouldn't have read your e-mail, as that's invasion of privacy, but you should not have been planning to cheat on him. Planning to do it is just as hurtful as actually cheating. I had a guy do this to me once and it hurt an unbelieveable amount. Bring this up with your boyfriend. I understand you have "reasons" for planning to cheat, but maybe your live-in was just trying to preserve the relationship you had. You have to talk to him, though, else you'll never know his reasoning. The only way to get back in his good graces is to (a) talk to him about it and explain why you were going to cheat on him, and (b) tell this other guy you're never going to see him again.
Oh, and just a tip from me. Punctuation, PLEASE. I have trouble reading run-on sentences like that. I hope you follow our advice.
-Siren

Q: Ok ok. Guy trouble.

I've liked this guy for 4 years (5 in August) and I told him through a friend that I liked him. He said he just liked me as a friend back.

Well in class he'd try to ask me for something like a calculator to try to strike up conversation. I never had a calculator, and I think he knew that.

Over the phone my friend called him (I was on the line too, but I didn't talk) and asked him if he liked me.

Friend:"So do you like Hannah?"
Him: "...n...not really..."
Friend: "Why not?"
Him: "Uh...because I have a girlfriend."
Her: "So?"
Him: "I...I have a girlfriend."
Her: "You could still like her and have a girlfriend ya know. Anyways I guess I'll talk to ya later. Bye."
Him: "Bye." (very hurried and he hung up really fast)

Well now when I was in Science today he was flirting with me alot. In History, I'd look over at my friend and in the background he would be looking at me. He actually started a convo with me! ("Hey, Hannah, what hour do you have (teacher)?") Well I don't know but I felt all excited and stuff. =D

But I wonder what he would do if I called him and asked him how he felt. Do you think he would feel bad about it since he has a girlfriend, or should I go ahead anyways? Or should I just wait and see what'll happen?

You should call him. Your friend shouldn't have been the one to talk to him in the first place. I don't care how shy you are - it should have been you. However, interesting idea with the phone and you being silently on the line. Lol. The idea's cute, but it really should've been you talking to him. He may feel bad about having to tell you that he doesn't like you, but at least he's being loyal to his girlfriend. (Which means if they ever broke up, he'd be a good boyfriend. Lol.) Can you really blame him for sticking to one girl? I hate fickle guys, really. There are way too many of them. Call him if you like, but chances are he'll give you the same answer he gave your friend. Don't get too hopeful, but if you want to hear the answer from him, talk. =)
-Siren

Q: I am in love with this guy and I think he is in love with me too.We are both 13. When we are by ourselfs he is all over me but when we are around other people he acts like he is just my friend. What do I do? I am a girl.

Just so you know, this guy is a dork for trying to "act cool" around his friends. You may very well love him, but he might not love you back, if he's acting like that. Does he know you love him? Just tell him it's bothering him the way he changes into a different person around other people. If he really loves you, he'll change. It may take awhile, but he will. Hope stuffs improve! -Siren

Q: someone mentioned about...hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia
wut is that?

Yeah, that'd be the fear of long words, which I find horribly amusing.

Q: Well their is this boy that i really like and he also likes another girl. i think he likes her more though because at lunchtime he always sits next to her and he says that he likes her more. Meanwhile, their was this school dance and he asked ME to go with him and i said yes. We have been together for 3 months and this girl came along now! wow! Also, This other boy really wants to go out with me and he said he will do anything. But i think i still really like the other boy.What should i do? He also really likes me . we are having a trip and he wants to sit next to me on the bus meanwhile the boy i went to the dance with asked this new girl to sit nex to him.and if i say i like this new boy the boy i went to the dance with gets mad.what should i do?

Wow, it's a love square...(not a love triangle (too many people))So guy1 who tells the other girl he likes her more gets mad when you say you like guy2? Guy1's got some issues. If you like guy2 more, ignore guy1's random rants and go out with guy2. No one but you controls how you live your love life. If you don't mind my saying so, guy1 sounds like an idiot who doesn't know a good girl when he runs into one (namely, you). I would go for the other guy who seems to actually know he likes you. I hope it gets less confusing!
-Siren

Q: my daughter is in love with this great guy he is in prison for something stupid he gave her a promise ring at christmas and all they got along great before he went away they were in seperatable all was in favour of a marriage or at least it looked that way problem is i heard thru his mom that he is thinking on breaking it off with her i have no idea why and it is driving me up the wall she has some idea that he is thinking and i told her that if someone else ask her out for a date go im highly upset by this because they have known each other for nine yrs and he could make her happy and she could make him happy what should i do besides kill him

Well I suggest, though appealing as this idea may be, don't commit homicide. Not so good. Lol. You and your daughter seem to have a great relationship and seem to be very close. It's great that you two have this, but I think you need to let them handle it. How reliable is his mother? Did he actually TELL her that he was thinking of breaking it off with your daughter? If not, she may have heard wrong. Verify the facts. If they're really facts, an option would be to sit your daughter down and tell her to prepare herself. Even if she doesn't believe you, (which she might not (God knows I wouldn't believe my mom if she told me my boyfriend was about to break up with me), so be prepared for that) it will put the idea into her head, so she'll be better prepared anyway. Good luck with it all, but make sure you don't get too involved.
-Siren

Q: I have a really good friend. She is head over heels for the guy of her dreams. She even now dates him. She is overbering in a caring way. She really likes him but while she was gone i found something out. He thinks that she is crazy and is going to break up with her. I know if he does, she will be devistated. Should i tell her of the impending doom. If i do she might hate me but if i dont she will lose the guy of her dreams. What can i say?

Tell her. She needs to know. If my guy was about to break up with me, I'd want a heads up from a trusted friend. I doubt she'll hate you - if anything, she'd love you for helping her brace herself. Good luck. =(
-Siren

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren