Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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So I'm 17(f), and I don't ever wear any makeup of any kind, but I'd really like to wear makeup once in a while, not because I don't think I look good, but just to enhance my features. I want to find sort of a very natural look.
I have tried a few things, but I have discovered that I am unable to apply mascara; it ends up all over my cheeks and eyelids and I poke myself way too many times. Eyeliner is doable but not easy...
I also have fairly full lips, particularly my upper lip, so anything with significant colour is definitely out.
I'm pretty cheap too...I don't want to spend too much money on makeup...so I guess the fewer products needed the better?
So yeah...if anyone has suggestions about some looks or tips that I should try...I can experiment a bit with my mom's and friend's makeup for some stuff to find out if I like it before I buy anything, but I just need some help! I am so clueless and I don't want to bug my friends with this!
Also, I know I want to get some kind of concealer... suggestions on what kind (not brand...like format/style...)? (link)
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Ok this is a little tricky because with the make up industry you HAVE to just buy certain things in ORDER to try them out. Its either that or you just walk into the store and OPEN one of whatever it is your looking at and apply it to a small area of your hand and rub it in to see if it suits you and then close it back the way you found it if you dont and move on (which most girls do but no one talks about, so just find the "already open" one of whatever make up your looking at and try that one) ((little secret there)) ; )
NEXT: i went through this journey so i understand, i am ALSO someone that likes enhancing natural beauty and not trying to change my look so im on the same page with you there.
Heres what I DO and maybe if you want you can even pm me for more ideas.
I have olive skin (which is a complicated, tricky skin type to get color for foundation right) so i use a BB cream AND a tented sunscreen at the same time. Now if YOU have this type of skin you can take advantage of the fact that they both have coloring in them, to use them as a combined foundation, to use them to contour! its REALLY easy once you get it and simple.
You make sure one of the creams is slightly lighter then your skin and the other slightly darker, then buy yourself a decent blending brush and start with the lighter cream on your forehead, down the bridge of your nose, lips and chin, and around your eyes. be modest with this you dont need alot.
Then take out the DARKER cream put some of that on the same brush (dont worry about cleaning the brush off your blending this all in) put some of the dark one on the brush and dab that along under your cheeks the SIDES of your nose and the outside of your forehead (where the ends of your eyebrows are) then blend it ALL in together and poof! your contoured! ; )
They have great "liquid blush" that comes in stick for like a small deodorant almost in a push up stick, that ALSO comes with a contouring part on it that aids in contouring. check into those.
Powders like bronzers and such can be great if used in moderation, but beware of the powder clumping later in the day with wear, or accenting "peach fuzz" some people dont like that.
Bags under eyes: try the under eye brightening sticks. I have one it works GREAT. It has a little brush one the end and you just twist the other end and it pushes the liquid up through the brush where you then just brush it on right under where your bags are and the rub it in. Just find the skin tone that looks closest to yours.
Eye brows: try to get the eyebrow KIT that has a small little brush and powder that allows you to brush on more color to make your brows look sharper and neater. Pencils i tend to find can be too harsh but maybe thats just me.
Eye liners: Both liquid and pencil can be great but if you dont have a steady hand like you mentioned, you can use pencil and then is you choose, you can use the liquid to make it looks sharper and neater. (just make sure you never lose you pencil sharpener! lol ; )
Lips, its best with a natural look to go with tented, or glossy type lipsticks, something with a little bit of glitter is fine but anything more than that will not keep to the natural glow look.
good luck and if you have more questions, just pm me! Im a former model with a best friend whos a make up artist so i have A LITTLE experience here. lol
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Im a 14 year old girl and I knew this guy last year, and we've been best friends for like a year and a half!! I love him and I told him that I like him on new years. Thing is I want to get him something special for his birthday. Nothing expensive like that just something thoughtful because i love him and I know who he likes so nothing might change.......please give advice Thanks!!! (link)
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movie tickets? a gift card for his fav. place to shop? A t-shirt from a band he really likes? a toy drone?
more of anything he likes basically? lol theres lots of things you can do.....hope those can start you off. ; )
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16 female
I have been talking to this guy for about 6 months now but my mom says I can't date him because the police says he is on there watch list because he does drugs but I still have been talking to him via text and I just got in trouble because mom goes through my texts and told me if I continued she would take my phone and he sent me a text saying if I wanted him to still be my friend I had to send a naked picture but what if my mom sees it what should I do help? (link)
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You should absolutely NOT ever send ANYONE naked pictures first of all ok. Once something goes out there he can put it on the internet or if his phone does automatic uploads it will go online to his personal account and he can share it where ever he wants. You will regret this if you do it. It sounds like hes already a shady guy if the cops are watching him ok. You dont need to be mixed up with someone thats already under their radar.
If this WAS a legit relationship (which i dont even think it is) then he could see you in REAL life. Fuck the pictures ok. Save your dignity for the right guy and dont lower yourself by just letting any fool that asks for pictures have that, your special, your body is special, and only the RIGHT guy should be able to see that stuff and i might also mention, the right guy WONT ask for pics. ; )
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I did it i talked to him about everything, I opened up completely to him,, i didnt have the chance to face him because he was packing and i was working so i may said that it should be better if we end it ,, and you're not the right guy for me.. It was really long massage,, it's been 12 days and no respond he went without saying anything ,, not even ok as you wish . NOTHING..
I'm in a misery i miss him and im not happy .. He's gonna come after 3 weeks and i kinda have the feeling he won't talk at all he's being indifference makes me go more crazy.. So.. (link)
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im assuming you texted this to him?? hunny that was a horrible thing to do, i have to be honest with you. Breaking up with someone even over the PHONE is bad ok, let alone over email or text or what have you.
You should have at LEAST talk to him in person or over the phone....honestly its no wonder hes not saying anything to you he HURT. Guys retract back into themselves and get quiet when their hurt. Men arent usually complicated creatures when it comes to love and feelings. Its basic. You say something like that to someone....ANYONE really and YEAH your gonna get the kind of reaction....I doubt you'd like it if someone did that to you. just being honest.
You should have just waited until you had the next chance to talk with him over the phone or in person.
Really at this point theres not much you can do now, you chose to take the path you did in doing that to him so now all you can do is just live with it. Maybe learn not to do that again to someone....sorry if that sounds mean but thats the truth. Ask anyone else how they would feel if someone did that to them....= /
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hi there for the past few days that i havent heard from well hd hasnt been on any social platforn since then exept when he received my msgs yesterday could it be that he might be going through something and when he is ready will talk to me again or is it finally over i feel like im overthink heavy..i just miss him so much and hoping that il hear from him soon..do you think i will??iv decided to stay away and give him some space mayb text hm at the end of the month or next month.. (link)
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I think you are over thinking it. It sounds like he needs some time. Its OK to to feel the way you do about him still, but if he doesnt want to be apart of your life anymore then you cant force it. Give it a month or so and just kinda silently watch him. (not like stalker status) but just watching him to see that hes carrying on with his life and that hes gonna be ok. Then after a while you can give yourself closer that hes gonna be fine and you guys just wernt a good match.
Maybe give him some time and then check in on him here and there, and just say that you wanna make sure hes doing well and that your just concerned but that if hes REALLY ok then your happy for him and youll leave him alone. Offer to be there for him if he needs to ever talk about anything, and if he does stay calm, hear him out, dont get emotional, and look at what ever it is hes telling you from a FRIENd view point, not a girlfriend "im emotionally really invested here" view point. does that make sense?
after that let HIM come to YOU.
The other thing is that texting him isnt a good idea, and the only reason i say this is because its WAYY too easy for someone to just NOT answer you. What happens here is you GIVE them the freedom to either not answer or pretend like they never got the messages you sent and just allows them to cut you out of their life if they want, and thats why i dont mess with texting when it comes to really serious stuff.
If you want to address really emotional topics or get his attention so that he CANT ignore you then you need to go see him face to face and say "hey i just wanted to check on you, i got the hint that your not interested, im OK with that but not hearing from you really made me concerned and i thought something bad happened to you"
This will guilt him into giving you SOME sort of answer about his well being. Most people dont want to worry others and WILL make them want to at least say "im ok and everything is fine but...." and this is where they'll give you SOME sort of an answer about how their doing mentally.
dont rely on text messages for everything, they arent reliable when it comes to trying to address important issues that people would rather run from.
good luck.
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Hi sorry to bother you constantly im sure you have read my post bout my ex on new years eve and what happend as well as wheather or not i will hear from him again..today i just missed hm so so much i ended up texting hm saying and i quote "Hey mister mister thought id pass by and check if you still alive..was cleaning and saw i still have your book and hope u still hav my band must wash it out neh #JustJoking anyway hope u algoodies and stuff and not working too hard,enjoy the rest of your week,hope to hear and see you soonest,take care" so that was my msg to him he got it but did not reply or mayb he deleted it before he read it...i probably wont hear from him anymore hey,im not angry or anythng its just hard..so i gues im finally gna let him go and leave him alone like you said..i just thought id try one last time and see if he would speak to me bt i gues i wl never hear from him again (link)
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well, you probably had a good feeling you wernt gonna hear from him but you did it anyway, and you clearly got to see the results of that, so i dont think theres anything i need to say here.
All you can do is just except it and move on. Not everyone that you cross paths with in life is meant to stay. We're on our own paths and sometimes youll cross the path of someone thats not ready for something YOU are or doesnt view the world in the way you do, or in a healthy enough manner that they can conduct themselves like a decent person would. Theres nothing you can do for someone who just isnt interested, they will have to learn the hard way later with certain things in life as well.
you just keep on working on you, and move forward. When hes ready if ever, he may come back but dont base your life around it. Its ok to continue to care for someone and not be with them. This is called "loving someone from a distance" Wish them well, hope that they improve themselves but not dwelling on them because you have to live your own life still and not just simply existing.
; )
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21/f
So about a week ago I stepped out of my comfort zone and went on a blind date with someone I met online. I have never done this before and I was so worried that he would look nothing like his pictures or be really weird. He picked me up and we went for drinks and it was so easy to talk to him and everything felt so natural. He was very open and said he has met up with 2 other girls about a month ago on a blind date and it was very awkward and nothing ever happened. One red flag i discovered was that he got out of a 2 year engagement about 4 months ago. When he dropped me off he kissed me goodbye and texted me right away saying he had a great time. He lives about 5 hours away but was in my city because all of his family lives here and he has come to my city about 8 times in the past month.... so the next day he wanted to see me again so i invited him over to watch a movie and he met my parents and they thought he was really nice. We just talked, cuddled and watched movies and then he left. He went home the next day and he always texts me and calls me cute and says that he really enjoys my company. Last night he told me that i am welcome to come and visit for a weekend whenever i want, and he also said next time he was in the city that I should come to his family's place and play games with them.
I have been hurt so much in the past and I'm really scared that I'm "catching feelings" way too fast for this guy and I'm trying everything not to develop feelings. It feels as though it's too good to be true and he's just saying all of this to get some action. So I was wondering what everyone else thinks? and also... should i go up and visit him for a weekend?
Thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read and answer this
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Well if his family is down where YOU live then thats a really good sign. This means that hes tied to the city your in and Once hes done with whatever it is hes doing (maybe school or a temp. work situation) he could easily consider moving back because YOUR also there.
Him having just got out of an engagement isnt necessarily a "red flag" because you dont know the story behind all that yet. When you learn of what actually happened between the two of them, then THAT will give you what you need to judge weather or not he is ok to be in another relationship again.
So far it sounds ok, just make sure this is what he also wants and is ok (or willing to consider) distance.
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Hi. So I'm 14 years old, and I'm female. Basically, I'm not a nice person. I'm really full of myself, and I value myself more than other people. I talk about people behind their backs, and I have a lack of empathy for people. Like if an acquaintance of mine died I wouldn't care. I know I'm awful but I still think I'm 'awesome'. Yes I get self conscious, and yes I do get anxious- but a lot of the time I feel like I have too much self esteem. I attention seek as well. I've had counselling, it didn't help. I used to be so nice, like genuinely. But I've changed, and it's not as simple as just being nicer and appreciating people more, it's a habit that I can't get out of and I simply can't be bothered with other people. I want to change, but I wouldn't know where to start. My friends are starting to get sick of my bad attitude, and I don't want to lose them. I have told my closest friends, they seemed rather nonchalant about it. I don't know what to do and advice would be appreciated, but I don't want hate. (link)
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Well clearly your not too full of yourself to come here and ask for help right?? lol
Well lets turn the tables here, what if everyone around you started treating you the way you treat them?? how would that make you feel? And dont take this lightly either i mean REALLY people going out of their WAY to make life difficult on you.....you probably wouldnt like it. In this world you DO get what you give, so if you treat people the way you do, your GOING to get it back at some point.
Its kind of like The person who lies all the time. We all know someone that lies constantly do we? WELL....what happens when that person is actually telling the truth?? NO ONE believes them, and NO one is willing to back them up on it when things are serious. and depending on what the subject of what their saying is, they may be REALLY feeling like they NEED to be believed! and guess what no one gives a fuck cause "hes the lier"
Well, youll be seen as something similar to that. "oh shes the girl that doesnt give a shit about anyone but herself and is mean and uncaring" then when you actually ARE nice, it wont matter because of your past history.....I dont know, its just all about how you want to be treated. Some people are worth caring about more than others in this life and in your life and its your job to figure out which of those people are worth the effort. You have to figure out what is being nice and helping someone out with a favor, and what is selfishness on your part.
Everyone "values themselves" little more than others i mean thats pretty normal, but you dont go and act like or treat people that way. Most people are reasonable people until you give them a reason not to be. Unless your miss
understanding the things people say to you and just THINK their saying mean things, then thats a communication issue you have that you need to work on.
If you have alot of self esteem then why dont you use it for something good? teach a class full of kids, or stand up infront of a large crowd at school, or lead a group. Something that requires everyone to look at you, THEN see what people think of you after.....
you are your own worst critique so your probably playing this up a bit to be worse then it really is, but just treat people how you wanna be treated, i mean its not that difficult.
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22/f, 29/m
Our relationship is a bit complicated. We had a lot of problems in the relationship due to trust issues. He broke my trust several times. He lied to me, hid things from me, and said things to his ex-girlfriends that he shouldn't have said. Because of that, it caused me to be anxious and insecure in the relationship.
He broke up with me a few times last month in December and the official break up with on New Years Eve. He told me that he still loved me and that maybe later on, we could try again. We even agreed that neither of us would date anybody in January and he even wanted to keep seeing me from keep me from moving on. I was feeling very conflicted and confused from what he was saying and doing. He would tell me one thing, but he'd hide every trace of me on his Facebook page, or add a cute girl on Facebook, talk his his ex-girlfriend (not inappropriately, though). And I'm feeling really lost. I had to ask him directly and told him that if he was trying to have his cake and eat it, too, that's not okay.
We were trying to work towards me pressing the "Reset button," meaning that we pretend that we never dated and to start over. I have been trying to work toward that, but the fact that he added another girl on Facebook just told me that he was reverting back into his old behaviors. I had to speak to him about this last night. I told him that if we were trying to start new, we can't make the same mistakes that happened that placed us in our current place from before. He understood, apologized, and said that he'll stop.
But as the conversation continued, he understood everything that I was saying but he was being really negative about the whole situation. He admitted that he was being negative and pessimistic, but he was being realistic. He told me that he's having a hard time because he feels guilty being with me because of the things that had happened between us a year ago. He loves me but he can see a better future without me and can imagine a better fresh start with someone else (not having anyone in particular in mind). He ended up bringing up little issues like him shaving his beard may make a difference in our relationship. At this point, I thought that he was just trying to think of any little thing he could think of to keep us apart.
I was frustrated. Because I'm the one that has depression, but I was the only one who was being optimistic. I told him that I was trying to move on from the past, and I wanted him, too. He said he does and that was the reason why he broke up with me in the first place. And became more confused and asked him does he just want to completely give up then and if he does, he needed to tell me now so I wouldn't try so hard for no reason. And he said, "I don't know," and that he just knows that he was happier in other relationships than in ours and that it was his fault.
It was a constant cycle. I pretty much clarified that I was willing to press the "reset button" and as long as the same mistakes from before doesn't repeat itself, I feel like things would be a lot better. I tried to be optimistic and realistic about the situation knowing that it may not work, but I feel like if we worked hard enough and he was more positive, things will get better. We confirmed that he does think negatively and him thinking negatively will affect any chance we will ever have together. However, it doesn't seem like he's willing to change those thoughts. He admitted that there could be a slim chance of us working, but he doesn't feel like the prize at the end of it is worth it. He told me that he'll TRY to be more positive and that he sure he won't make the past mistakes again... but that's the most I can ask for right now.
And that breaks my heart. I wasn't much of a cause of what put us here. It just told me that I could do everything right and still fail at a relationship. I don't know what to say, what to do, or what to think. I'm trying my best and it doesn't seem like he wants to try. When I ask him what he wants to do, he doesn't give me a direct answer.
What now? (link)
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Ok lets break this down little by little, but before i do im going to give you the general idea of what i got from this first.
It sounds like he just doesnt want to try, hes done, hes lazy when it comes to change because he claims to know that hes being negative, yet refuses to just outright SAY that hes done and wants to split. Someone who cant be straight with you because of this is selfish. I say that because Youve clearly given all you can to this and in a relationship it takes two people that are willing to meet each other halfway and he sounds like hes not willing to do that even though your supposed to be his most treasured person (or should be when your in a relationship with someone else) sounds more like hes in a relationship with himself, hes living by his emotions (which can often mean moment to moment) and this is unstable, and unreliable when trying to have an adult relationship with someone. So next time gonna copy and paste everything you just said and then im gonna tell you what i think and i hope that helps.
Our relationship is a bit complicated. We had a lot of problems in the relationship due to trust issues. He broke my trust several times. He lied to me, hid things from me, and said things to his ex-girlfriends that he shouldn't have said. Because of that, it caused me to be anxious and insecure in the relationship.
"He broke up with me a few times last month in December and the official break up with on New Years Eve. He told me that he still loved me and that maybe later on, we could try again. We even agreed that neither of us would date anybody in January and he even wanted to keep seeing me from keep me from moving on. I was feeling very conflicted and confused from what he was saying and doing. He would tell me one thing, but he'd hide every trace of me on his Facebook page"
Ok your feeling conflicted because your hearing your better judgement tell you straight up that what hes saying SOUNDS like bullshit. And it is. No one does shit like this. If this isnt the type of relationship you want to be in then your going to have to just say "no thats not what im looking for sorry" and goodbye. It sounds like HE doesnt even know what he wants and is just as confused or more then you, and thats not healthy either. He needs time alone to figure out what he wants and you dont need to be there for that.
"or add a cute girl on Facebook, talk his his ex-girlfriend (not inappropriately, though). And I'm feeling really lost. I had to ask him directly and told him that if he was trying to have his cake and eat it, too, that's not okay."
Well there it is!! your better judgement has managed to peek through! See with this type of thing, this is more about what your willing to put up with when in a relationship wth someone. Some people ARE ok with their significant other still knowing their ex, SO LONG AS there is no dirty talk or under handed things going on, and they know of YOU and that your in the picture and not to cross boundaries.
This branches off into another issue which i wont fully address right now but in short no one should EVER be telling you (or you telling them) who they can and cannot continue to "know" or speak to just because they are now in a relationship with you. They may tell you that it makes them uncomfortable, and make their feelings known but at the end of the day we all the only ones that are accountable for our actions and theres no blaming others (like his ex trying to flirt and come on to him) except HIM for allowing it and continuing to have communication with them. Someone who demands you no longer speak with someone youve known or who was a major part of your life for along time is selfish and controlling and if their doing that kinda shit then thats only the tip of the iceberg. and you need to re-evaluate your relationship with them.
"We were trying to work towards me pressing the "Reset button," meaning that we pretend that we never dated and to start over. I have been trying to work toward that"
Ok notice what you just said here "YOU were working hard toward this goal"......question....where was HE with all this?? Cause im hearing a WHOLE lot of YOU doing things and nothing of what HES actually doing to work toward the same thing.....this is sounding more and more like a very one sided relationship. No "starting over" im not really sure that can be done at this point. It seems that too much hurt has gone on to be able to salvage anything worth while here because based on what youve done and the things hes said, it just all sounds like your doing all the "leg work" here and hes just lounging around emotionally and not sure of himself right now.
"but the fact that he added another girl on Facebook just told me that he was reverting back into his old behaviors. I had to speak to him about this last night. I told him that if we were trying to start new, we can't make the same mistakes that happened that placed us in our current place from before. He understood, apologized, and said that he'll stop."
maybe he didnt SEE this as a mistake or something that would upset you unless you spoke to him about this BEFORE and didnt mention it here. otherwise he could just be telling you what you want to here to be able to keep the status quo so things dont dramatically change in anyway to where hes forced out of his comfort zone.
"But as the conversation continued, he understood everything that I was saying but he was being really negative about the whole situation. He admitted that he was being negative and pessimistic, but he was being realistic. He told me that he's having a hard time because he feels guilty being with me because of the things that had happened between us a year ago."
No hunny, theres a difference between being negative and pessimistic and being outright hurtful. It sounds like he knows himself enough to know that hes not going to change and is using the EXCUSE of being "realistic" to justify his behavior. You can be realistic without being hurtful, its really not that hard if you just try.....
"He loves me but he can see a better future without me and can imagine a better fresh start with someone else"
And after he said this you didnt immediately except that its over? Hunny when i guy says this (which is rare because they dont normally like to air honest feelings) this means its OVER. I really hope that AFTER this statement was made that you excepted it for what it is....guys arent complicated creatures like women are, they dont usually say one thing and then MEAN someone else. Their usually quiet until the absolute last minute when their forced and out of options.
"I was frustrated. Because I'm the one that has depression, but I was the only one who was being optimistic. I told him that I was trying to move on from the past, and I wanted him, too. He said he does and that was the reason why he broke up with me in the first place."
No, see here he meant that hes trying to move on from YOU, your apart of "the past" now and he wants to move on from it.
You cant force someone to move on at the same rate you are, people have their own natural pace and have to do things in their own time not at someone elses. I know thats disappointing but people are people ya know....
"And became more confused and asked him does he just want to completely give up then and if he does, he needed to tell me now so I wouldn't try so hard for no reason. And he said, "I don't know," and that he just knows that he was happier in other relationships than in ours and that it was his fault."
Ok HERE is sounds like hes trying to go easy on you and make it so that YOULL give up and stop trying without him having to really communicate that hes done. None the less it sounds like hes been done for a WHILE now. when guys usually say "i dont know" it usually means "no" and "i dont want this anymore", and they just are afraid of what your reaction will be and dont know how to handle hurting/watching someone they care about hurt badly.
Theres alot of men who arent equipped to deal with heavy emotions but are perfectly willing to jump into relationships with people. That last part he said sounds like hes trying to let you down gently.
"It was a constant cycle. I pretty much clarified that I was willing to press the "reset button" and as long as the same mistakes from before doesn't repeat itself, I feel like things would be a lot better."
I hope your not actually thinking that this man is capable of being in a steady relationship with ANYONE right now let alone you. To tell you the truth here, it sounds like hes done with all of this, like its run its course, and your the only one here thats still hanging on to something that isnt there anymore. It sounds like your in love with the IDEA of still being able to be together but you may not want to face the reality that hes not interested, and wants to move on. I think you should let him.
See, the thing is....when you want to be in a relationship with someone, you want to be able to put forth the BEST version of yourself out there and i think it sounds like hes aware that hes not the best version of himself right now and it isnt fair to someone else to have to deal with issues he feels he still needs to work on within himself because they will come out in one form or another and you wont like it. It sounds like thats what is happening here.
"I tried to be optimistic and realistic about the situation knowing that it may not work, but I feel like if we worked hard enough and he was more positive, things will get better. We confirmed that he does think negatively and him thinking negatively will affect any chance we will ever have together. However, it doesn't seem like he's willing to change those thoughts."
Ok see thats a rare moment you were able to get from him there. Guys dont usually share their thoughts in such a manner. What he did there was basically tell you that he knows himself, he knows how he is, and he knows hes not going to change much beyond the person he is right now, and at this point you trying to cling on and dig your claws into him isnt going to help. (sorry if that comes off but im trying to be as plain as a can be here because its already a complicated situation) You already said yourself here that it seems like hes not willing" well thats because hes NOT and isnt interested in trying either.
"He admitted that there could be a slim chance of us working, but he doesn't feel like the prize at the end of it is worth it. He told me that he'll TRY to be more positive and that he sure he won't make the past mistakes again... but that's the most I can ask for right now."
Well hes right, that IS the most you can ask of him right now. See this is tough but i have to tell you this so that you will know much sooner the next time. Some people CAN and are capable of putting the past behind them and letting it stay there.....others are not. Their not ready to except and move forward and start anew with that same person. They just cant put shit behind them. Ive actually been through this and witnessed a friend go through this whole situation before and worked closely with her recovery afterward.
"And that breaks my heart. I wasn't much of a cause of what put us here. It just told me that I could do everything right and still fail at a relationship. I don't know what to say, what to do, or what to think. I'm trying my best and it doesn't seem like he wants to try. When I ask him what he wants to do, he doesn't give me a direct answer."
well firstly, hes not giving you a direct answer most LIKELY because HE doesnt even know. Your not a good match, some people just arent, and you didnt fail at anything, it takes two people to be in a relationship and both people have to be willing to grow WITH each other and meet each other halfway on things both emotionally and in the everyday sort of sense and HES the one thats not willing to budge on anything so theres no failure there on your part. Its all on him. You did everything you could to try to make it work, even giving to the point of frustration and exhaustion.
Sometimes love for someone just ISNT enough, and i think that is a tough lesson that not all people are willing to realize and understand before they find themselves direction in it neck deep.
Sometimes, people will go so far out on a limb for someone they care about emotionally that they find themselves standing there alone because the other person isnt as invested as you were. This often happens to people who allow their emotions to rule their lives.
For now just work on yourself, let him work on himself, leave him alone, and dont bother each other.
Spend time with your friends, have fun, do projects to keep yourself busy and time will pass and youll be able to look back on all this and say "what was i thinking? this guy didnt wanna do the work to be with someone like me!"
You sound very giving and like you deserve better, so find that someone special when the time is right that will give back in the ways you do!
good luck ; )
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so i kinda like this dude..???
i want to chat with him (text) but i mean like we often chat too but its like maybe few days a chat?? sometimes i wanted to text him but im too nervous... im scared that he'll ignore my message and cant seem to think of a good topic to start the conversation...
any tips on starting the conversation? (link)
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start off with things that make you relatable to each other. Ask how hes doing, how his day has been, tell him what your doing, and make fun of it. Down down to earth, make light jokes and if he tries to make a joke about YOU then own it and say something like "hahaha yeahh every time we talk im always doing laundry i know!"
Act like your doing something that keeps you busy but also says "i have time to kill to talk with you because im waiting for the dryer"
the possibilities are endless really...
good luck..
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So i will never hear from him again and we hav been seeing each otha a year and 8 months chatting everyday bt lately i dnt knw what happend we hardly spoke nowadays he would stl ignore my text bt then reply randomly..i was so clingy at once but he still showed up mayb he was just using me..so was that was the last time he i heard frm hm on new year and eventhough i wont text first and just leave hm alone i stl wont hear frm hm ?? Will he even notice if i just remove myslf nd stay quiet instead of hm doing..wl he even miss me..im jst asking though and if he shows up what must i do (link)
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it sounds like he has some problems, and if he cant be reliable then hes not the type of person you need in your life anyway.
If he shows up your more than welcome to be nice but know your boundaries and dont let people just come and go from your life with no expectations because once they get what they want and know they dont have to be loyal or give anything back, they will continue to do it and not respect you as a person.
I say just let him leave. He has his own free will and if he doesnt feel your worth being around or keeping in touch with then its his loss not yours. It also sounds like he may have someone new and doesnt want you knowing and thats why he is trying to distance himself.
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He don't ever want to have sex anymore unless we are drunk. He says he is always tired. (link)
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Im going to agree with dragonfly here, you havent really told us your and his age, your current relationship situation, or what might be going on enough to give you a helpful for focused in answer.
Basically the more vague you are with your question, the more vague we will be with am answer unless you lay the whole situation out to us to that we can evaluate it all and give the best most realistic answer.
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I recently met this guy at university... We went out for coffee and for walks almost every day 9 times in two weeks. Then he asked me to slow dance with him at the school dance. This caused conflict as there is another one of my friends who apparently liked him. Anyways, the guy and I went out and he said that he just wants to take it slow. He recently came out of his one and only relationship (a short 6 month relationship) and I want to respect his space. He never was intimate with her or kissed her so I am pretty hopeful. I am unsure of what to do next... I keep remembering the dance and all of our conversations. I have never dated anyone before and would love some pointers. He seems like a great guy! He had his head on straight and is really mature. Is it okay to take time? Does he like me if he slow danced with me? Also we went on Christmas break and he went away with his family but we had a talk before he left that he wanted to take it slow as he has not had much time to think about our relationship yet. I am just really excited and I am not sure what is a safe move to make. He said there is a chance of us putting a label on it in the new semester and that it doesn't scare home he just needed some time to focus on exams (which are super stressful as he is in physics courses) and wanted to spend time with his family again. I struggle because I keep comparing myself to his old girlfriend and she is beautiful.
What do I do?
(link)
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Wow, well first off it sounds like you have a REAL man on your hands there! and he sounds like a GENTLEMAN too!
That is so sweet of him to go and tell you out right that he has other things going on but is clearly showing that youve caught his eye! That is a very rare thing you have there, and i suggest you not go and sabotage it.
His last girlfriend MAY have been prettier or thinner or whatever, but the TYPE of a relationship you have with one person to the next is totally different and there is no love like YOUR love, and the feelings you may have had for an old ex-boyfriend (when your comparing it to your current guy) will NOT be the same and thats a GOOD THING.
Its even ok to still care for an ex you may have but knowing that your not a good match, the reasons why, and that your not a healthy person with your with them is what makes adults split but still KNOW each other for years to come and be OK with it and even HAPPY for each other. see?
This guy clearly likes you but hes aware of what life is. Its not a game. and he knows where he needs to put his focus right now and its not on you, but youve clearly caught his eye so i say for now, just let him be, dont rush it, and let things play out, then see what he wants to do when he CAN be with you and focus more on you. ; )
The best thing you can do for him right now is to just encourage him with school, dont stress or obsess with someone he says hes over and done with, and just go with the flow.
good luck
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Hi i recently posted a question about my ex boyfriend on new years and what happend..well the following day i texted hm to say sorry for phoning him and that it wont happen again he must njoy hs weekend..he then texted back and said that he was stuck in the middle of nowhere without diesel so he wasnt in the best mood when i phoned i then asked hw did he get home,he read it but did not reply..later the night i wen on whatsapp and saw that he blocked me from his one number i then inboxd hm on fb and askd if hs whatsapp is working coz i cant see hs number and then he said its cause you did the same thing you just done a few minutes ago so i axd did he block me and he said yes i then asked so what does that mean and he told me it means nothing at all so i said cause now it feels like he dnt wna speak to me anymore nevermind not seeing me..and then he askd me how many platforms do i need to communicate with him and i just said fb and then he told me that wheneva i see his online i text hm and it kinda bothers me so i said sorry and it wont happen again and that i hope im stl gna see hm again this year and stf and then said goodnyt (im just being honest of what i said) he then textd back and said lol stop your shit woman and i askd what am i doing so he said and i quote dyou thinking that im angry at you i just dont want you sending random msgs to my phone everytime im online" i then told hm it sounds like hs angry and il stop my shit and then he replied say you can hear my voice shit your good i think he was being sarcastic there i then said no his text and its woman instincts he read but ddint reply its been 3 days since i last heard from him.i saw he shared a picture on facebook saying if you not losing friends you not growing up..im at the point where im overthinking everything do u think that post was meant for me and that our friendship is over.do you think i will hear from him again he will msg me first? I dnt knw what to do,iv decided to respect hs wishes and not text him anymre and just stay away cz i feel like thats what he wants and i feel like its always a problem when i text hm cz most of the time he just reads and dont reply but he is almost whole day everyday online,mayb you right mayb there is someone else..will i hear from him again and if i do what must i do..i dnt knw what to do anymore help pls (link)
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Yeah i read your other post too and let me just say it sounds like your EX needs to BE you EX. Hes sending you clear cut signs he doesnt want to be in your life anymore and you need to let him go.
It IS true (and this happens ALOT) that people can misunderstand each other because their talking over text and not on the phone. This gets people into trouble ALOT with each other because they cant hear your voice, their intent, or their feelings through a text so NO on your intuition i dont agree with that. your looking at a text having thoughts of your own already about him, and then he says something and all you have in the room with you is your own twisted feelings and misgivings about whats going on so now things seem even WORSE then they were before see?
My policy is that whenever there is what seems like a disagreement between me and someone else, i just CALL THEM, because even though your reading what their saying and it seems all clear, feelings in humans are NOT, they are deep and complicated and in order to fully hear someone out you need to hear their voice because someones voice is full of lots of UNSAID things when your talking to them.
It sounds like your over analyzing, and like he wants to break things off and kinda fade away and your not allowing that to happen and now hes mad about it. Leave him alone ok. Just move on.
And PLEASE PLEASEEE, this is to you and everyone ELSE that talks over text alot. do NOT text when your angry with someone, JUST CALL THEM. Theres too much of a chance that youll misunderstand each other and make things even worse or start a fight where there wasnt one. I go through this alot with people who are overly emotional, and it doesnt mean their bad people, but certain people you just CANT sit there and have "deep" conversations with over text because they view the world differently and NEED to hear the sound of your voice talking to them about certain subjects and not just left with words on a screen.
; )
good luck.
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It was great at first but now any little thing i do he cant stand it or it annoys him. He acts distant till it is time to lay down and even after that he is right back to the distant act. I caught him in a lie the other day by telling me he didnt go to his friends house when he did.He said he didnt want to tell me cause i would be mad. Im so confused because this is never what i expected from him.
Im 21 felmale and he is 27 male (link)
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ok first, when you say "he" i just wanna make sure your talking about your boyfriend right?? not a son or family member.
Since hes a boyfriend, my next question is, why does he think you'd get mad at him for wanting to go to a friends house? does he think your controlling or clingy? if so thats definitely something that needs to be worked on because that cause sabotage a relationship in NO time. Distrust or other things like this can result in things happening that your describing here, it will then spread to other areas of the relationship and pretty soon your fighting over every little thing.
If this is the case, you need to find out if hes maybe going through some things right now of his own and then ask what you can do to help, encourage him to do things that make him happy, and if it makes him feel better to go spend some time with just his buddies, you need to let him do that. Girls need their friends just like guys do, the bond may be different and in a way us women dont always understand but the intention and the meaning really makes a difference.
If this has never happened before and its totally out of nowhere then you need to try to gently get him to talk about it. Be there for him, stay calm no matter what he says, dont get overly emotional, and hear him out. Thats the BEST thing you can do for someone who might be going through something really deep. They dont need someone who is going to think about how this all effects THEM.
so just try to get him to talk about it, show you care, and just ask him in a calm manner, "hey whats REALLY going on with you? are you ok?" "youve been distant lately, is something wrong?" and just dont give up. Be persistant that you KNOW something is off and he will give in and tell you in one way or another.
good luck
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i greatly appreciate your detailed answer, but i think my questions went over your head. im not talking about making random friends at school. ive graduated already and i hate having too many people to talk to. im talking about manifestation with the universe...... law of attraction. i asked for a friend to save my life to come into my life and i have been having endless dreams and visions of him. but my actual question is: how do i act as if he is already in my life when im not able to see him physically or speak to him physically? my feelings for him now seem ordinary, i'm not overly excited like i used to be about him. I dont want to daydream or visualize about him anymore and it feels weird to do so. (which that is how i would be if he was physically here.) i was thinking on acting as if: make an email and send him emails and act like the reason why i cant see or talk to him is because he's extremely busy and he's unpacking since he just moved??????? Or would getting no emails make my mood too low? Should I just think the secone one? idk just a suggestion, but what do you think??? (link)
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Well heres the thing, ive read law of attraction books (idk if you have or not) but i dont remember there being anything in there about pretending or dreaming up friends that dont exist and then trying to talk to them. That actually sounds a bit weird to me.
Also, what sense does it make to try to email someone that doesnt exist?? it sounds like your bored or unhappy with your life and your trying to dream things up in order to fulfill some empty part of you.
Laws of attraction only apply and work when you get out there and use them on the people around you that actually exist because those people may know someone you dont yet and then when you go out someone and they happen to have that friends with them or you run into them, will you actually get a result.
I DO believe in laws of attraction, i dont think its just a bunch of hubub but i do think that focusing this much of your time on it isnt going to make it work more for you in the way that your going about it.
If it helps, read more books on the law of attraction, also try the book Thinking fast, thinking slow, and another called Rich dad poor dad. These books will change your life based on the mindset you have demonstrated here with me.
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My ex bf and i are seeing each other for almst two years now i saw him 3 weeks ago havent heard from him since sunday so i texted him tuesday and told him about a movie that the msnt forget to get he read it but ddnt reply i then texted hm before new years to he ddnt read it or reply i thnk he deleted it..when it striked new yearz i phone him and then asked if he got my text and he told me yes he ignored it on purpose and then i said ok and wished him happy new year he didnt even wish me.. what does it mean,am i right when i say he wants nothing to do with me anymore he probably moved on,I found myself crying so much on new year it really sucked :'(
I dont knw what to do or think,was hm tlng me that hs way of saying leave me alone its done and over i moved on want nthng to do with u anymre..iv decided to rather stay away (link)
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The thing is sweetie, you have to learn to create your OWN happiness before you can try to put your happiness in someone else hands. Even a potential life partner.
You will find yourself very disappointed in life if your always expecting someone else to give you the happiness you really truly want. Its also not fair of you to think that other people should just KNOW what your soul needs as a person to be happy and feel fulfilled in life.
People will come and go through out your life, some will stay longer then others. We're all on our own sort of "life path" and hes clearly off in his own world, and not thinking of others at least right now and thats a sign that hes meant for someone else. He obviously has more learning to do about how to treat others and you dont want to be there during his first "trial runs" at attempting to learn this stuff because you will only end up getting hurt in the process. What you want is someone who is further ahead with their life skills and communication so that this kinda stuff wont happen.
You may not see it right now but theres someone else out there for you and you probably just havent met them yet. The sooner you move on from this guy and work on yourself, your own happiness, and being the best version of yourself that you can be, the sooner youll attract the right kind of people and then eventually the right kind of guy.
youll be ok ; ) good luck
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I did my acrylics at home the clear ones and I used regular nail polish on top no gel kind, can I use a nail polish remover to take it off when I need a full, will it damage my acrylic? (link)
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ok so theres a couple things here that contradict.
I DO nails and im not understanding that you mean when you say you did the nails at home. Did you BUY like the plastic press on nails?? cause those are plastic not acrylic.
Do you know HOW to actually do acrylic nails so you went out and BOUGHT the powder, purple liquid, brush, and teh equipment needed that a shop would have but then you just skipped buying the crystal gel? Cause if you did that was a mistake. Acrylic nails last longer if they have the gel coating over them, its like doing a beautiful paint job on a car and then not putting the clear gloss coating which is the last step to the process to complete it.
Regular nail polish only contains a very small amount of acetone in it which is basically the only ingredient you need to remove nail polish. Pure acetone can eat through plastics, gel coating, and top coats. If you bought press on nails or anything thats plastic, forget about trying to save the nail because it will chemically melt the surface while your trying to rub just the top coat of clear nail polish off and because its clear you wont know how much your removing so that you can stop.
if you need help just pm me.
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So you've probably seen some of my questions about how I don't have any real friends and today being my birthday just proves what kind of friends I have. I don't hype up my birthday because if you're my friend you would've remembered like I get it sometimes you have a lot on your mind and forget but this happens every single year, if I don't tell me friends "hey today's my birthday" or if I don't text them the day before "tomorrow's my birthday" I won't get a birthday wish. The only person that's not in my family that wished me a happy birthday was this girl who I don't even talk to anymore, we drifted apart I tried keeping the friendship with her but she stopped cause she has more relatable friends now. Every time it's my friends birthdays I always remember to wish them and even try to make it special for them but for me they don't do anything other people get texts and stuff at midnight on their birthdays I got only one from that girl so I let it slide at that time now it's nearly 12 noon ad literally nothing how much you wanna bet if I say it's my birthday on snapchat they're all gonna message me happy birthday? What can I do about these friends? The ones I really wanted a happy birthday from I texted them a Happy NYE to see if they realize NYE equals my birthday cause they know that so far no reply yet. Don't say they may be planning a surprise cause they're not it happens every year even at my birthday party last year. The only time they treated me like it was my party was when it was time to cut the cake either than that it was like I was a guest at somebody else's party no one paid attention to me, when we took group photos I was pushed to the back when clearly the celebrant should be in the middle of the front, they would talk to each other no one would really try to talk to me they would leave in groups to go take pics no one wanted a pic with the bday girl. I turned 17 today (link)
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Ok im gonna break this down for you piece by piece here because As an adult you will need to realize what im about to tell you, and the sooner you do, the better.
Firstly, understand, that not matter what happens in life, you need to make your own happiness and not rely on people around you to complete that, because if you do you will always be disappointed.
secondly, because of the day your b-day falls on, weather people have forgotten you or not, its new years eve. lol. So your b-day unfortunately falls on a very inconvenient day for most people, so you should assume they forgot about you because they didnt say anything, this whole time of the year is VERY busy both around xmas, and NYE. These peoples family members could be planning things like trips and your friends (if their underage) dont really have a choice in what happens yet depending on the family their from.
Your b-day being over shadowed because it falls on or around another major holiday (two actually) this is a very common problem, and it doesnt ALWAYS make your friends "not really your friends" or uncaring because of it.
Sure theres always the fact that people are busy during this time of year, or the possibility that those people really dont care, but at the end of the day, its YOUR day and ON that day, being able to simply do something for yourself that YOU wanna do (where as you normally wouldnt) is going to have to be enough. Youll discover that as you get older, this is the case with adults. Life is not a fairytale, its not what you see on tv, and its not ever going to go the way you think it will.
Give yourself something special for your birthday, show other people that you dont NEED them to make you happy, and usually people will be MORE attracted because they see someone who is in control, and will run their life as they see fit and have a good time with or without them and they will want to "go with you" and will "regret" having not thought of you or remembered see? lol.
If you do something cool for yourself, this shows everyone that "they could have been there, had they hit you up and/or remembered" that it was your bday. Dont let the fact that they didnt acknowledge your day effect you when they speak to you about it and just play it off, act like its fine and then mention something cool that YOU went and did WITHOUT them and that your OK and HAPPY about it and the next time they will WANT to be there. ; )
good luck.
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i'm not easy to fall in love but when i do i can't move on...i love my ex but he already love someone else...well he's a player he also smoking even tough he's in 7grade he say it's was natural for manado people but when we in realation ship i even didn't know he's smoking well i still love him tough...what should i do???????i love him so much (link)
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Well, your still young from what i hear and it sounds like you already know what your supposed to do and because your letting your emotions get in the way, your ignoring your better judgement right now.
Listen, theres one thing in life thats going to fuck you up every. single. time. which is letting your emotions rule you. Your sitting here telling us things you already know your not happy with in a partner and yet you still want to put yourself through that. why would you do that to yourself? is he really worth all this? there are questions you need to be asking yourself.
Be logical, be rational. Once you do, youll know the answer.
I dont think you love him, i think you love the IDEA of being in love with him and what things "could" be like, and that isnt reality. what IS reality is what your seeing him do and say RIGHT now and thats the best your going to get unless you either say something to him about it or walk away and find someone who treats you the way you want to be treated.....
your life is what you make it, and so far this is the point your at. Step back and look at your life right now, look at how you got to this point, and think about "is this really a good idea?", "is this person really good for me?" "is he worth it?"
take some time, think it over.
good luck ; )
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