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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

17/f
I was best friends with this girl for 5 years and then last year may we stopped being friends because we got In a fight and we became very different (she always wants to go out drinking whereas I don't). Then in December I messaged her on Instagram telling her I miss her and hate how things turned out and she just sent a heart back so I left it then last week I said happy birthday to her and she just sent a smiley face back. Then yesterday I saw she added my number back because I can see her WhatsApp story and profile picture. I really just wanna message her because I miss her so much. How can I sort things out with her?

I have had everyone except one person in the family I grew up in, stop talking to me at some point because they were angry at me. It went on for months and up to a year. In all cases, I had to make the first move. At times, my calls were ignored. I gave them more time and tried again with no luck. It took letting quite some time go by and then I called talking and soundly as if there wasnt any silence between us, and as if there wasn't a misunderstanding or agument that started it all. For example to a sister, I called and my first words were "You've got to hear what my middle child just did. It was so cute and so funny." "She responded with what is it, tell me." Then she laughed and kept up a convo but never brought up what happened to start it all. I never reminded her. The same for all other family members, at some point they overcame their anger and were willing to talk to me as if nothing had ever happened and no one brought up what happened or apologized. I hope this shows you that theres always a chance to get back together. So it is a good idea to message her and just start talking and sharing about whatever, as long as you do not bring up you or her needing to forgive or start talking about what started it all. If she really does want to discuss it, then she will bring it up and then you both apologize and hug and everythings good. Once you are back on good speakingk terms, enjoy those parts of her you can relate to. When she starts talking about stuff like her getting drunk or other things you don't agree with, you could tell her that those interests of her do not appeal to you so you wouldd rather she not focus on 'and list the topics' There are plenty of people who can remain friends as long as they both agree to never bring up religion or politics or some other forbidden topic between them.

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I've been working for a company since late November. I like the job and my manager, but when it comes to my coworkers I'm having a lot of problems.

When I first started I was trained with somebody else who was really scummy. In short he was breaking every rule you can think of and pretty soon he got fired for it. Well it turned out that he was referred for the job by one of the workers who was already there and he got so mad that they kept me and got rid of his friend that he spread rumors about me and turned everybody against me. I talked to my manager about it (he's a manager from out of state) and he told me to just ignore them and keep my head up so I did.

Then they hired another guy who was relentlessly sexually harassing me and I wound up having to report him because he started stalking me and messaging me online too and then he got fired and people started calling me a snitch.

Now I'm in a volatile work environment where nobody likes me and one of the guys in particular keeps calling me a "dumb white b*tch" among other names and telling everybody horrible things about me. One time he even threatened to pick me up and slam me into the wall and kick my a**.

He also deters as many of my sales as possible which is a big part of my job and I get fired if I can't make any sales.

I don't know what to do. I can't report him too when I already reported the first guy and now everybody says I'm a snitch. Even if I did the other coworkers don't like me either. He's already told me he's going to force me to quit...I don't know what to do. I can't be without a job. :(


Adviceman gave good advice. I just want to add regarding calling the police now and filing a report of sexual harassment with one guy and another for the threat of bodily harm from the another/or same guy. Even if they can not do anything right now, it is very important to have what is called 'a paper trail'. This means that if any person threatens again or sexually harasses, you let the police know again. Having you simply report the threats is important in case you are pushed, touched in a threatening manner or hurt or beaten in some way. This is a criminal offense, assault and battery. If the police need to respond to such a thing in the future, they will arrest the offender for sure if theres a paper trail of complaints regarding the same in threats in the past. That makes it a pre-meditated offense.

With an off site manager and the situation as bad as it is, if I were you, in the meanwhile, I would continue working for an income but at the same time look for a new employer and once you have the new job, leave this one.

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hi, i have this case, to have sex with a prostition girl,i do use condom, but is ghonorea posible to transfer from blow job..

Yes it is one of the ways it is transferred. I will post a link that goes into details about gonorrhea.

Since there are often no symptoms to see, people can have it and not know. So it is important to regularly go for STD testing. That is Sexually Transmitted Diseases and health clinics or your doctor can check for it.

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/stds-hiv-safer-sex/gonorrhea

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I'm a seventeen year old girl. I went to a Valentines dance on Friday with a girl that asked me. I have never been with a girl romantically before. During the dance, we were touchy, and did make out in the hallway. The thing is, I think she feels something, and I don't. I didn't feel love or disgust. Just nothing. I'm so scared to say anything to her about it. I think I might be straight. I'm just so confused! I have no idea what to do.

You do not owe anyone a relationship or sex for that matter just because they asked you out or asked you to be their girlfriend.

So the best thing is as Adviceman said and tell her what you told us.
In many hetero or same sex people, there is something that happens pretty often, where one person is interested and would swear they feel a connection to the other while the other person does not feel any romantic connection, feels no chemistry or spark at all with the other. In my life, I have met many folks who are gay and there is no way to know that they are. They don't act a different way or dress or look any different. This makes it hard for a gay or bi person to find someone. Its a guessing game for them half the time. So she may have felt something for you and thought to ask and decided if you say no you are straight and if you say yes, that you are gay or bi. You do not want her to believe you still are or you may have other gay females hitting up on you until that is made clear.

So as already told, you need to ask yourself some questions. With sex, it matters which sex you are attracted to, enjoy ogling (looking at) and fantasize about. If women, you're gay, if men you
re straight, if both, you might be bisexual.
How can you know without having been in a dating relationship or having sex yet with any?

Because the mind is part of the sexual experience and has been called another sex organ. For example,If our thoughts are on a female and we are female and we find those thoughts get us horny and wet, then most likely you are gay.
Bot please do not mix this up with thoughts that center around what feels to you like forbidden or dirty or a no-no because focusing on those scenerios in your mental fantasies can arouse you for masturbation but many of these, we wouldn't want to do or experience in real life. A good example is woman find it erotic to fantasize about a man forcing her but being raped in real life is not an erotic experience, quite the opposite. So it would have to be thoughts that are consistant for you, not a onetime imagined thing.

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we broke up after five months and he ended the relationship as he's got a gf and kids with her. but we loved each other and relationship really flowed but we're going to stay mates. when he called it off he said he didn't want any stress as it is and I told him, I'm not in your life anymore and I'm the one who's causing you stress and he replied you're in my life, one way the other you're in my life. so what's did he mean by this one way the other?? we're both 24. I hope you guys don't judge me. love is blind.

To say 'one way or the other' in the context in which he used it, makes me think that he either means that you will see each other again for sure but without naming the ways how like having friends in common, frequenting the same stores and eateries, belonging to the same club, exercise class, work at same place, etc. And if non of those apply, that could mean that he is promising to find ways to purposely with intent to do so, run into you, kinda like stalking.
Now heres a site that explains the same idiom:

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/one-way-or-another-one-way-or-the-other

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I am 17 and in high school. My boyfriends mom is in the hospital and valentine's day and his birthday are coming up. With high hospital bills and little money I don't want to put him in an awkward position if he doesn't get me anything even though I want to get him something. What do I do.

If your mom was in the hospital, would you honestly have your mind set only on what would happen for your valentines day and what your sweetie might get you? The best way to know what to do is to use your imagination and place yourself in the other persons situation. I know I wouldn't be feeling festive or really care if we did anything for Valentines day. But I might like to know that my sweetie cares enough about me and how I am feeling with a parent in the hospital and it would be even more meaningful if he asked to come along to visit my mom and bring a get well card. Aside from that, it would mean a lot for him to at least say the following if not put it in a blank card where we can write our own words: With your mom in the hospital, I am sure that your Birthday and valentines day may feel as if they get kicked aside because they are not as important. I want to let you know they are important to me and once your Mom is feeling better, I'd like it if we would do something special together to enjoy celebrating a belated valentines/birthday for you.
That would be meaningful to me and worth waiting for. So all you'd have to decide is how to put that in your own words and whether to use a generic blank card or simply say the words to him.

You know that due to life events that mess up things, sometimes a holiday or birthday or other significant event can't be celebrated on the specific day assigned to it. I just went out to dinner with my husband last night because he works Valentines night. It didn't make it any less special.

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I'm a 14 year old female. When something gets me angry, I really get angry and it lasts for days even if the issue is solved. I have enough control over myself to not lash out violently but it just makes me feel so shitty, sitting there with anger rushing through me. I've tried every tip and trick online that's supposed to relieve anger, and nothing works.

The reason why I'm angry right now is because the other day I was speaking to a group of friends, and one of them asked which shows we've seen on Broadway. Note that I live in the most bourgie town ever that I don't belong in because my parents can hardly afford food and rent. So, everybody listed tons of shows except this one girl because she doesn't really like musicals but still has been to a few. I've never gone to Broadway because my parents can't afford rent half the time let alone visits to the City and going to fancy theatres. They all acted like thats the most shocking thing ever and as though it were my decision to not see shows (we live in NY so location isn't an issue), and when I told them it's because I don't have money they all laughed along knowing they're some Middle Class and Upper Middle Class fuckers who live comfortably. I ranted about it in my diary, and that didn't work. I feel like yelling at them about it but that won't do anything except make people mad at me.

How do I relieve my anger?

I read an article once about Moms who took their daugthers to the Dr. because the teens going thru puberty were having out of control or over the top emotional issues. All females when their body begins to release hormones for the body to mature and change will become more emotional, cry more easily or get irritated more easily sometimes for no reason. However, a situation of today that wasn't present when I was a teen was an overly high influence of synthetic female hormones in all of our world, due to pollution. It isn't thought to be harmful but our bodies absorb it as we come into contact with it so that when our teen bodies start to release its own female hormones on top of that, the result is an over load of hormones. What that does to her emotions is not just make her sad easily but sadness so great it leads to suicide or irritation so great, it leads to severe anger issues, losing control, long lasting anger and in some cases, anger that led a teen to doing harm to another. Moms wrote that it is a simple test the Dr. can do to check for high levels of hormones and if that is the case, there is medication that is needed only for the duration of the puberty/maturing phase and after that most likely are not needed but can help a females hormonal emotional responses to become like it should be, a whole lot less intense. I am guessing this may be a possibility with you. For all that I read, and how you express yourself and making your points, I see that you are a very intelligent young lady, and its rare to read from teens who can express themselves and who have the conscience of right and wrong that you have. So I know that for you, it is less likely to be due to the mental anxiety or self worth or confidence issues that many teens suffer along with lack of self control and making of bad decisions. The way others are treating you is typical for teens who haven't learned yet how to care about others feelings, it's more all about them. Had the same happen to me, not broadway but simply going out to movies at the theater. Its a common thing for people to do but my family did okay as long as they cut out special things like going out to movies and going out to eat often. I was 19 when friends said my dress and hair kind of made me look like Princess Leia. I asked who that was for I truly didn't know and that's how they discovered I had never see the movie Star Wars though it had been out for a few years. At first they didn't believe me and teased that I was a good faker. Since they were a bit older than the people you likely know, they weren't mean and in fact all said, that I should go to the movie with them. I had started working and had my own money and went. But I can tell you that even without them being mean, I felt so embarrassed and humiliated for not knowing anything about that movie or never having gone to a movie theater in my life. It made me feel like a weird reject of society briefly, even though they said nothing to cause it. SO add in the insults or looking down at you and laughing, I can imagine how bad you feel and I see it as a reasonable situation to feel angry over, even if you do not react in response to your anger against them. However, if what you've read on controlling or relieving anger hasn't worked, I think this is something to check out, the overly high hormone issue. Other than that, all you can do is watch your thoughts more closely because our thought life leads to the emotions we feel. If instead of anger, you told yourself to feel sorry for them that they don't know any better and it's due to their age and hopefully they grow up and become better people in 5 years or so, then by telling yourself it isn't something to feel angry about each time you feel the anger and instead should pity them, that can help. Its hard to focus and consistantly do this but it may be one of the things you've already done. Best wished to you dear.

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I am moving to Colorado this year with my husband and I need help finding a job suitable for me. I am a selective mute/social mute, but I do know some sign language and am constantly learning more signs. I use PSE, Pidgin Signing English which uses actual ASL words, but the sentences are structured the way English is spoken, unlike traditional ASL. Right now, I work in a grocery store, but once I move I will need to find a new job. Is there any way, I can find a community or online list for mute people? I have been a casino soft count clerk, a cashier, housekeeper, landscaper, and deli clerk. I just need help in a new state.

I would not know if there are agencys in Colorado in your area that may have answers for you. However, logically thinking, if no one has anything other suggestions you might try the local DSHS office in the city you're moving to. Department of Social and Health Services. Since its about services, I would think that they could hook you up with a job counselor. I used to do care giving for the mentally challenged and those able to, were matched up with jobs that they could handle with their job counselor acting as a go between for them and the employer if they had issues. In your case, you are handle to communicate well, just that it works for the rest of us to read what you write. So that is my best suggestion. Wish you weill in your move.

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This is a totally random question but after watching some tv shows I got curious.

When a man proposes to his girlfriend and his girlfriend gets down too, does that symbolize anything?

Mostly I see the man get down on one knee and the woman is standing or sitting in a chair.
But after I watched friends when Chandler and Monica got engaged and she was down on her knees and then watching the office when Michael proposed to holly and she got down on her knees while he was proposing, does it have a meaning?

I thought it was cute but never really thought about it until now.

If you want to know where they got that idea, I think you'd best get your answer by writing to the producers and writers of the show you saw this in. My answers would only be guesses, like perhaps it is a custom at another country or that it was simply a cute idea they dreamed up.

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I'm a 13 year old girl and was wondering if it would be wrong to have sex with another guy my age.I really want to have sex and feel like I'm pretty ready. Wanted to know what anyone thought.

In case you may entertain the thought that adviceman is biased cus he's a male, regarding what he said about pressure from guys with famous one liners and it being about lust is so very true, from a female stand point. I am female and can verify its true.

As for whether your body is ready for vaginal sex, even reports done on the percentage of people aged 15 to 24 excludes 12, 13, 14 yr olds for a reason. IT isn't stated in the article I will post link for you,

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/news/20120816/when-do-us-youths-start-oral-sex-intercourse#1

but keep this in mind, the vagina does stretch but think of brand new rubber bands vs older ones. When you pull them in opposite directions, the older one stretches easily, the new ones are tighter and you have to use more force. Same for the vagina and force is what it will feel like. A penis will not glide in easily with lube and no, it will not feel good. In fact it can be very painful. And no matter how much hormones are flowing to make you feel horny, in having sex, that doesn't necessarily mean your body has matured to the point of sex even being enjoyable to you. However, if you want to experience something non rewarding, non satisfying and something you regret waiting for, then be my guest, its your decision after all. You did ask for advice but I'll bet you were hoping to hear us say, sure its a good idea. Have sex and You'll really love it. Heck even at 20 when I married and had sex, I was not able to enjoy it as the same level I can now that I am older. No matter how old, it just keeps getting better in time. And since it is stated that the mind is the greatest sex organ, I also believe that myself even at 20 and any friends back in their teens all agree they weren't mentally prepared either for sex when younger. A HS friend recently saw me at reunion and confided that she got pregnant early like 17 and was having sex even earlier and wishes she had waited. The sex wasn't even memorable and something she wished to erase from her memory. I have heard from many females I know who have no problem sharing intimate stuff, that it also wasn't a good experience at all and same thing, wishing they hadn't done so. But maybe you are one who doesn't learn by hearing advice, maybe you'd prefer by the school of hard knocks, meaning experiencing it yourself. But remember, you then can't go back to the point of before it ever happened unless time travel becomes available to the common people in the next month.
Now I will post a link to article for females regarding the brain as a sexual organ and about how it affects arousal. Many women are not aroused and ready as males are before sex and only get there after lovemaking has already started. That would be me and many friends I know of who say the same. Its more rare to find women wet before sex and the engorgement of her female parts in blood flow all without stimulation before sex. This engorgement, let me tell me is vital to a woman really enjoying herself and having orgasms. For example, I didn't have orgasms until my 40s due to having someone my whole life til then who was not a good sexual match and who did not really love me, sex without love makes a difference in how pleased and satisfied a woman will be. Only now that I have a wonderful 2nd husband where we are both in love with each other and want to take the time to please each other, is sex finally rewarding and something we look forward to like newlyweds. Heres that article and please do read this, very helpful to females.

http://www.healthywomen.org/content/ask-expert/7789/brain-sexual-organ

So what do you do for now if waiting? Masturbate as suggested previously. Spend time enjoying the feelings you have for a guy by spending time becoming friends. Focus on and grow your friendship. Not just saying this due to your age. Friendship is an important component of any relationship at any point in time, even when older. The most successful long term relationships and marriages are ones where each person is not only sexually equals but are also best of friends.
A relationship that starts as becoming best friends will be more rewarding and exciting when a couple finally do move on to the sexual part. Hang out with him just as you do with your girlfriends. You do lots of non sexual things with girlfriends and enjoy the time and bonding together. If a guy won't treat you as a friend and wants to skip ahead to just the sex, its another indicator that he may be more in lust and actually loving and caring about you.

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Hi 19/F.. I really need as much advice as possible please. I want to move out of my moms house. She still thinks I'm a baby. I am 19 and working and my curvue is still 10 pm although I only go to my bf. I never go anywhere else. We fight a lot because she always tells me what to do. I want to be my own person now. I want to move out in three monthes. Me, my bf, his friend and grandma want to get a place togheter. But my mom will never talk to me again. We are close but she is smothering me. I talked to my grandma about ir but she keeps telling me you are going to hurt your mom. Should I move out? Please help me.

If your moms personality is the touchy-feely type, then she will probably feel hurt. Since the biggest concern here for you is her being hurt, you need to decide if her feelings of hurt would be justified?

I hope to make that clear so you can decide. Even if Mom is not that type of personality, many parents find it hard to suddenly switch from being the parent of a minor to a parent of an adult child. My kids are just before and after 30 in age and I still find I do not like some of their decisions but unless they ask for advice as you have, I can not interfere. I have learned how to be a parent of an adult child. It means allowing them to make all their own decisions, not making suggestions, or treating them as if I was still training them with boundaries and rules.

If living in a parents home, then her house rules apply to you. If she asks for no noise like playing music after 9 or 10, that is a house rule you would need to obey, no matter what age you are. Telling you that she doesnt want you bringing a guy home to stay overnight in your room is also her choice as it is her house, even though you are an adult. However, if she says you must be home by 10 or have to check in by phone or that you can not spend the night with a boyfriend at any location other than her home is unreasonable and you are not required to follow them. In fact, following them is a bad thing for you and Mom. WHy? Because you delay your learning your own independence for one. Secondly, by complying and following Mom's treating you as a minor, you train her that it is okay to treat you this way and that any minor verbal protests are to be ignored because you don't really mean it and you will do as she says in the end. You are not alone. A great many write in here, with the same problem.
Your asking If you should move out, is part of the problem. You are so afraid of Mom being hurt that you are not looking at this properly. If at 19, she is not going to allow you to be an adult and make your own decisions, then when do you think she will? Would it be at some magical age of 25? Nope, there are plenty of twenty-somethings still with the same problem with their parents and usually its the Mom. Would she finally allow you to be an adult once you are in your thirties? Older? And will she have meddled so that you still have no husband and children or only the guy of her choice who isn't right for you and you are divorced at a young age or still married because she says so and you are miserable? I occasionally meet Moms my age who still have an adult child living at home, unmarried and totally dependant on her, never having become an adult because she never allowed it. I don't know about you, but I would not look forward to still having a parent treat me as a little child when I am 30, 40, 50. If it's the fear of hurting her feelings,( which by the way is another point I'll address next) then she can feel hurt the rest of her life which means you will not be able to be an adult until she dies and by then you will find yourself adrift in the adult world without the tools and knowledge and experience of how to be an adult.

Now, as for feelings, just because someone has a certain feeling, does not necessarily make it a valid one. Remember that last movie you watched that made you sad and you cried real tears? You know it's just actors/actresses and a fake story but your mind was drawn in by the story, it was sad and you cried. This is how the human mind works, whatever your thoughts are focused on, your emotions will follow. Good thoughts, positive thoughts and a person is a happy well balanced person. If the thoughts are negative or distorted, then the person will not be making the best decisions for themselves or those around them.

Your Mom has some distorted thoughts about being a parent. SHe may have been a good Mom when you were a child but as you reached your teens, that was the time for her to start transitions for her sake and yours, of giving you little by little, more responsibilities and choice making where she could still oversee and train and help when you struggled or made bad decisions. This was her chance to prep you for adult hood while slowing releasing her parenting hold on you rather than it being so abrupt. YEs, no parent is perfect and many moms who poured their entire life into a mate and/or children, will find that when a child grows up and leaves home, that they don't have life of their own aside from the kid/kids. They have no hobbies or things they are involved in of their own, and no direction in life and feel adrift. So naturally they are afraid to let go of a child and allow them to be an adult. Even your grandma is not supportive in the right way. In a perfect world, at least your Grandma would be telling you what I am telling you right now. But I have a feeling that she may not know any better than your Mom.
I am not saying that they aren't lovely likeable sweet people. Even sweet people with the best intentions can make mistakes like this and choose to cling to what is most comfortable. Change is hard for everyone. No one really likes change. So on this subject of training a child to become responsible for themselves and letting go when they become an adult at age 18, this is change many are uncomfortable with or totally subconsciously resisting, even though it is important that this change come about.

With this all in mind, I encourage you to go ahead with the plans and move out. As to when you tell MOm, it depends on how much you can stand verbal harassment ahead of the event. Prep your mind for this, no matter when she learns of it, she will react and think of all the reasons why it might not work and try to talk you out of it. But be strong, and do not let her anger or tears make you back off from what you want to do. You owe this to yourself as a way to start learning independence. Adults aren't exempt from making mistakes that in hindsight they realize they could have done better. But that's the thing, people, no matter whether 5 or 35 or older, will make mistakes, but whats more important is that we learn from the mistakes. That way we don't repeat the same thing, make less mistakes and no parent can help their child avoid mistakes. The biggest one is the parent not allowing their child to be an adult. Are my kids still learning? Heck yeah. They are adults and more often than not, they make decisions that I already know are not the best but all I care, and have to remind myself is that some people learn better by making their own mistakes rather than by being told what to not do and what to avoid as I am telling you. You've had enough arguments with Mom to know that things are not going to change unless you make a drastic move. Your Mom has put herself in a situation where she is going to have to learn the hard way, how to be a parent of an adult child. So yes, she'll be upset at first but the only way she can even begin to learn (against her current short sighted wishes) to let you be an adult, is by having that choice made without her. Because it is no longer her choice. You need to take over control of your own life. We only have the control that we decide to take, (take meaning action) or we give up our control by choosing to not rock the boat and giving away our control subtlety, little by little because perhaps we are tired of fighting for it. NOw that you know whats really going on and that Moms attitude is wrong and why, I hope this gives you the strength to move out. Moving out is the only solution I know of where the adult child gets out from under Moms control. I'd wait until you have found a place and have a move in date to tell Mom. At that time it will become obvious when seeing you pack up your stuff.
All you can do is let her know " I still love you Mom, but it is time I learned how to be an adult and make my own decisions, for better or worse, as long as I'm learning from them." SHe most likely will protest or start yelling at this point. Do not yell back. Wait til she runs out of steam and slowly but firmly share the rest verbally or written in a note you hand her, especially if she is still not allowing you to have your say. Think of it, If you or she treated other adults this way, it would be seen as rude, being a busy body, controlling and not friendly at all. So you may have to hit her with the truth. SOmeone has to do it and apparently no one has in all her life. NOt telling her doesn't protect her at all and only prolongs how long it takes her and how difficult it is for her to finally get it.So you can say or write:

Mom, I love you but if I want your advice or opinion, I will ask for it, just as any other adult you know. However, if I do not ask for it, please don't give any, same as for any adult you know. Unwanted advice is usually one of the things that other adults will not like from another adult, no matter if you are right or not.And no matter that you are my parent or not. It's time I learn to be an adult and take control of any decision making regarding my life. Your days of raising me and teaching me and making rules to protect me were for my childhood and teens. At 18, age wise I became an adult. It means I have the right to make my own decisions now and that is what I plan to do. You are still my parent but treating me as if I was still a minor is no longer going to work. You will still be a part of my life so don't worry" She may not really hear it when you say it. So perhaps if it is written as a note that you can hand her once you have finishing reading it to her, if she allows you, that is best. Keep on your phone or computer whatever you write that is somewhere along the example I wrote for you. That way, if she destroys or loses the note, you can read it to her again, even from the phone once you have left home. Say nothing else. If she cuts you off or hangs up, walk away and don't engage in an argument that can't be solved. She wants you to remain a child and you want to become an adult in charge of your own life. You can not budge from what you want as it is imperative that you do so, that your live your own life and do not allow Mom to attempt to live her life through you. She can change her mind and should but may not. That is the only way the two of you will not have a life long stand off. She must live her own life, learn her own lessons even at her age still. ANd you must become an adult in all ways. I wouldn't go into saying anything different than what is in a saved explanation to her. Every time there is a need, only read off the same you've said before so make sure all you want her to know is in that note. And you tell her the same thing until she finally gets it. Do not let the fear of her cutting you out of her life stop you. I have had two sisters, my Mom, my Dad at some point in my adult life became angry when I had done nothing wrong and every single one at some point stopped talking to me. I truly was not at fault and in each case, their thoughts of how things should have panned out, their preconcieved ideas regarding me, did not go as they had imagined in their minds. I had kids at the time so I wasn't even your age. But this stuff can happen. Months went by, and closer to a year with one of no talk, hanging up if I called or refusing to answer the door. SO I went on with my life and left them to get over their self inflicted wounds of hurt feelings. At some point, they each came around and started talking to me. I did not ask them to apologize, never mentioned the original issue as long as they were willing to be a part of my life again, the rest is minor and not important. Your mom will not be able to stay away and shut you out, no matter what she might promise to do if you moved out. In time she will come around. You just have to be okay with waiting for her to do that.

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Do they get good promotions and pay raises for this job? Or is this just a crappy job with no benefits?

Aircraft cleaning will be like any other cleaning job, whether cleaning city buses, office buildings or hotel rooms. It doesn't take a college degree and therefore there is no advancement to a cleaning job unless there is a position of supervisor of the cleaners.
I worked with someone who had a 2nd job cleaning city buses. It was a late night job and very hard work. You'll need to be willing to work hard and get average pay for it. If you want to know about benefits and the pay scale for this particular job, you'd need to ask the airlines or the airport you want to work at.

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So you answered my question on “is he ready or not” and we’ve had discussions and we don’t want to have sex like just makeout maybe oral. I get tested monthly and have all of the safety percaussions, but like idk I get what your saying with the fact that there are many possibilities but the thing with asking him is like I don’t want to put him on the spot or put him in awkward situation. I know he trusts me because we have talked about personal stuff Many times before a lot, and he definitely doesn’t have “problems” down there. Last time I was on his lap And grinding and I definitely felt something big building and when he’s on top and we’re dry humping I can most definitely feel it. Ik it’s not about control because we’ve been in the pool / hot tub half naked and nothing really happened like of course kissing and grinding and he licked my breasts or whatever but like he’s always been able to stop when it goes to far no matter the situation. It’s just when I touch his thigh he freeZes or when it comes close to him like actually like acknowledging it , he just freezes irdk

irdk either. Since it's not about him unable to get it up or he doesn't mind the contact of grinding against him, its as baffling to me as you. The only thing left I can think about is that he has a problem with lasting long and at the lightest touch by hand, he ejaculates. Pre-mature ejaculation is embarrassing to guys, especially when it will interfere with them being able to please a lady. I would think that just the contact of grinding is enough to make him come if thats the issue but our minds play a big part in sex. If he masturbates often or a lot, it could be he is so programmed to respond to his own hand that he fears if yours gets anywhere near him, he might come.
Other than that, I can't think of anything. And since that is a hard subject to bring up with a bf, you probably aren't going to know. I don't know how long you are willing to go along with things as they are. Perhaps it could get to 8 months or a year and nothing else yet. At that point you might ask, "I know I would like more from sex. So I need to know if you would too and if there are any concerns you want to address before hand, like birth control, or whatever" This would be his chance to come clean and share with you whats going on. If he doesn't, then you must be okay with never having more than you have or ending the relationship and moving on.

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Hi so me and my boyfriend are both juniors in highschool and we’ve been together for about 7 months. So like when we’re tobether we do the regular like making out and stuff but we were sitting at his table doing homework and he normally rubs he inside of my thigh but like today he started inching his way up my thigh and like I was okay with it because I wanted it to happen. (We’ve known eachother for a long ass time and if it was anyone else I wouldn’t be ready but for him I was ) so I go over to his house a lot and everytime I do his hand slowly makes his way up and at some point it eventually got there so like now he will kinda rub me outside my pants. But like whenever I put my hand near him like the inside of my thighs close to him he will freeze and then try to do something to make me move my hand without saying move your hand and I’m just confused because he does stuff to me like he’s ready but whenever it comes to him he like completley shuts down. And like recently we’ll be in his room and we’re kissing and I’m on top of him u know getting our thing on and we don’t have sex because we already talked about not wanting to do that yet but like I’m on top kissing and grinding or whatever but like anytime it comes to my hand coming close to him he just like freezes and I’m just confused if he’s insecure or he’s ready but he’s not like idk

With making out and heading towards making love, a couple needs to be mentally and physically prepared. Physically meaning the girl is on birth control already BEfore they get to that point, and mentally, being able to discuss and talk out what they are feeling and want to do. Communication is Vital to having a good sex experience and its not just a one time thing when you're first starting or the first few times. No matter how long I've been with my husband, we both communicate every time we make love, without fail. Sometimes its, my body is reacting to a certain touch or move and next time it isn't and I never know when or why but I let him know to try something else. Or he will vocalize what he'd like to do next with me. You two have created the sexual guessing game using only gestures and not speaking about it. Thats like trying to play Charades only in sex and that does not work very well.
I suggest you ask him. I can't know exactly why he wouldn't want you to touch him at all. I have an active imagination though and can come up with lots of possibilities and they may all be wrong and knowing a list of possibilities still doesn't inform you which one it is, unless you'd prefer to go through a list and continue playing charades to guess which is the correct answer. Also, there needs to be a certain level of trust between the two for him to actually answer you truthfully if you ask. For example, if he is ashamed of how his penis looks, size, blemishes...he may not answer at all. If he is afraid of getting you pregnant, it may be he prefers to not be touched and get aroused to the point he may lose control and try to have penis in vagina sex right on the spot. Perhaps he is one of many young males these days with sexual difficulties. My husbands daughter confided that every guy she dated in college had low to no sex drive. Others had problems getting hard. Why? It wasn't her. I have heard of others with same issues and all I can think of is the toxicity of our planet somehow affecting babies in-utero, with some reports saying that there is a greater percentage of male baby genitalia that is smaller than average. So you'd have no way of knowing if he has difficulties sexually and he may be too embarrassed to share that but with desire for a female, all he is limited to is kissing and touching her. However he never spoke a word asking if it was okay to touch you and just waiting for a reaction so likely you are the first person he's ever done this with and so is extremely cautious and taking it slow as he doesn't want to scare you off. You might want to get on the pill, too many girls still freak out due to accidents with condoms and think they are pregnant. Condoms are okay protection for some STD's. NOt herpes tho if the site of outbreaks is not covered by condom and if he knows he has a version of it, that may be holding him back. I know its hard to start talking about sex. I used to not be able to speak the word 'Sex" when I was in my early twenties and married! But I know once you force yourself to speak out loud of sexual topics, you get over how uncomfortable it felt and it gets easier, but it is important the two of you talk.

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when i asked a question called how to ignore a tv program you answered it but when i looked back on it the question was now unanswered and Dragonflymagic i hope you get this in your advice column.

Not sure what happened but I have ability to go back and see all my answers. If you're the one who wrote about Rick and Morty, then this answer is for you.

If you are seeing these characters not only on TV but as you say everywhere, I am guessing you mean billboards, signs on buses, on clothing for sale, etc. The reason it is irritating you is because you have trained your mind to look for them.

Heres an example. Lets say you have a Volkswagon Golf car. Until you got the car, you didn't realize how many are out there on the road. But now that you are familiar with how yours looks, you seem to spot them all the time. No matter what new car I get, I begin to notice all the others of the same make and model.

What you need to decide is to focus on looking for something else that is equally popular. Perhaps a couple things. Once you have decided to look for something new everywhere you go, you will begin to see these things. I suppose you could consider this a game. No, it doesnt make Rick and Morty disappear from your view but once you are looking for something else, it will not bother you as much when you see them. I have a grandchild who still likes anything about the Disney movie Frozen. I never noticed any 'Frozen' stuff before until I was told the child liked anything about 'Frozen'. ONce I had that in my mind, I see it everywhere all the time. I hope this helps you. Its worth a try. Otherwise, you're just stuck having to feel miserable seeing that stuff.


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My 63 year old dad was recently diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer’s. My family dynamic is not exactly easy to mobilize to help with the long haul we’re in for. I don’t live in the same state & my sister (who does) hasn’t been much help (outside of directions ive tried to put in place from time-time).

Making matters worse is my dads 20 year girlfriend. They own a house together and are technically in a legal “domestic partnership”). She has never been very supportive in any matter, let alone something like this. She still works and travels almost half the month for business leaving him at home for 2-3 days at a clip. All the while interacting with every man on social media when out of town. If you saw her FB, you wouldn’t even know he she is with anyone. No pictures of them. No check-ins, likes. They’re barely friends.

They have never really been too in love...more like convenient partners after each of their first divorces. We’ve begged him to leave her several times (prior to the his health concerns) to no avail. Even when we see the frustration & depression sinking in through the years. He does not want to be alone (which i fully understand).

My sister has always said they’d take care of him, have him live with them if ever needed but he has always been a stubborn one & would never agree.

Neither my sister or my dad’s gf have helped with the doctors, appointments, paperwork...

My father is getting worse. Is on medication (when he remembers to take it) and conversations are slowly becoming harder and harder with everyone.

I don’t know what to do.

I feel like I’m the only one that can diffuse the situation & lead things on the right path. It’s pretty impossible for me to move back home & every time i start the ball rolling with everyone, it always gets dropped and nothing progresses. It pretty much digresses every time and i have to start all over. My dad has alienated his friends and family over the years. Mostly because of the girlfriend. She always finds a way to piss them off one-by-one until they eventually stopped coming around completely.

He is on disability (gets something each month to live), has an ok (not exceptional) amount of money in savings, retirement plans that he can use (but hasn’t drawn from).

The main problem is the girlfriend. If we forced her out, it would lead a path for destruction. First, my father would be devastated if she ever left. They own a house together. Believes that he is and has always been in love with her. I’ve tried talking to the girlfriend, leveling with her, but she plays doe-eyed deer every time. Promising to help & take the lead, but never does. I’ve asked if nothing else if she could make sure medication is being taken & i still have no confirmation ever. She wouldn’t even take a morning off of work to drive him to a doctors appt & is completely manipulative. To her and pretty much everyone.

By not helping at all, she’s endangering my father every day. I’m trying to stay positive as much as possible, but the appearance is that she’s content with things this way. Uses it to her advantage some times, manipulating him by claiming she said or done things that i know 100% are inaccurate. She’s always been like this. And now it’s frightening to think she could be using it to her advantage every waking minute of the day because he won’t be remember most of it anyhow.

Should i be taking any preliminary legal actions at the moment (he refuses to sign a will by the way) in order to prepare for a fall-out with the girlfriend?

Should i hire a private detective to watch the girlfriend in case there is a domestic partnership battle over anything?

Has anyone had an experience like this with a difficult loved one & a manipulative spouse/partner?

Any advice at all would be sincerely appreciated! Thank you.

My mother in law from my ex has full blown dementia and I've known of others in my neighborhood, a single elderly woman who would end up wandering the roads near home on a hot summers day, bundled up as if it was 20 below zero and we assumed she didn't remember where her home was. We tried to get her to come in our car as we knew where she lived but she refused. I worried about her when we collected payment in person for our adult newspaper route. She opened her wallet, handed me a hundred dollar bill and asked if that was enough. I was horrified that others could easily take advantage of her state and began to ask if she had a address book I could look at, a son or daughter I could call. She couldn't comprehend what I was asking and I was too young to know of such a thing as agencies that you can call if an older adult needed services so they could live comfortably to the end.
With you in another state, you can't be checking on him and when he gets even worse, or no longer recognizes you and puts up a fuss it's harder to deal with an adult who thinks you're a stranger who walked into their house or worse yet, that they are a prisoner being kept by a stranger in some strange house, I've heard both scenerios with people I know. I don't have experience with a manipulative partner. But I can say that legally, a girlfriend is not a wife, no matter how long they had been together unless that state believes common law marriages to be as legal as the other.
If not, a lawyer can help you to get the paperwork done to be handler of all issues pertinent to his welfare. If a girlfriend is ignoring or endangering him, there are agencies that protect the elderly or mentally ill from abuse or neglect of hired caregivers, or family or friends in caregiving role. So WHen you get a lawyer involved, I don't think you'll have to worry about the girlfriend anymore.
YOu may at some point need Power of attorney or guardianship depending on the mental ability of the loved one.
The following article is related to alzheimers

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/planning-guardianship-of-alzheimers-patients-149572.htm

I have been to nursing homes after Dad had a stroke. The facility also had Alzheimers patients there and all the doors were locked and you had to be buzzed in. Too many Alzheimer people like the woman I mentioned on our paper route will wander off, become lost and could die if the weather is bad, or they cross a street as a car is coming or some person takes advantage, beating them to get what money they carry. At some point, he will need to be in such a facility and if you are the legal caregiver, you'll want him moved to a place close to you so it is easier for you to check on him and make sure he is being taken good care of. Not all facilities are as good as they appear as we found out first with our Mom and later with our Dad. You don't want an under staffed place neglecting him.
Get an elder law attorney asap and they will be able to guide and help you navigate what must be done at this stage and what must happen later.

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It feels like my best friend (we’ll call him R), is abandoning me for another social group. This group can’t really seem to take a liking to me (although I’ve developed a reasonably good friendship with one of them) but they’re fine with R. They don’t take me seriously enough. I feel as if R is too social now and I’m quite the opposite. I miss the days when it was just the 2 of us bantering but now it feels like he doesn’t have time for that anymore. I don’t want to stop hanging around with R, but I don’t like him hanging around with this group . This probably sounds really cheesy but he’s basically the only friend I’ve got and I don’t want to risk losing him
How do I either
a) get him to stop hanging around with this group?
b) get this group to tolerate me?

I used to be in your place. When I was younger, I'd literally have just one friend. When she got mad and decided to avoid me for a while, I had no one. Then in HS, I only had small groups of friends of 5 or so. I did not have many friends and a good majority of students ignored me, avoided me or teased me but wouldn't befriend me. Looking back, I now realize that if I had asked someone the same questions you are asking me, how to get a person to stop hanging out with other and how to get other people to tolerate me, that no one would have been able to give me an answer because for the most part, the problem didn't lie with the others but with me. And as for having the power to make someone do or not do something, that is stuff of fairy tales and does not exist in the real world. Switch it around and lets say there is someone who wants to be your best friend and wants you to stop being best friends with R, is there any way a person could convince you to do something you do not want to do? What could a person say short of threatening to hire a killer to wipe you out, that would make you drop R and take on the new friend? If someone offered you a large chunk of money, would you? If you can answer yes, then you are not really a true friend and can be influenced easily and that's the kind of person who would turn their back on someone too easy because they care more about what they want than friendship. Back to me, I knew all along what my problem truly was, I had social anxiety, wouldn't talk to others and if I did, it was too obviously stressed and boring and young people have no idea how to deal with people like that other than to ignore them, pretend they don't exist. I sense there may be something like that, something about your character they don't like, that makes them feel uncomfortable or bored. Or there may be a character trait they don't like that is not a bad thing but a good thing. Sometimes those who are much more mature and wiser than their years are shunned because they come across as more of an adult and what young person wants to hang out with a person who reminds them of adults. So, there is no way to give an answer for A, is there is none. And for B, you need to look closer at yourself and determine if there is anything about your personality that turns off interest in others towards you. If there is something you can improve in yourself and still be a good person, then focus on that and don't place blame others. If there is no reason why they should shun you, then perhaps you don't need improving and are already way beyond them and need to wait for them to catch up and mature and yes that can be a lonely road. I've seen others with that problem as well as the one I had. When ever I hear someone say they have no friends or only one or two, most often it points to a person being shy, not knowing how to converse with others or having social anxiety, and I know because as I said, I've been there. If theres anything else you'd like to tell me, I truly would like to help but you didn't say anything that I can really work with. I've had to guess mostly on this or let you know that the questions you asked, taken at face value without any back story, can not be answered. If you write again, I can only answer if you post a new question or go to my column and choose the button to write to me.

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Hi! SO I'm a teenager and I always come to my mom to talk about anything because i know shell listan and know what to do and so on. On the other hand, me and my dad not so much. He always yells at me for everything and its very hard to always come and talk to him without him getting mad at me for some stupid reason. He checks my phone every day so he doesn't trust me and calls me a slacker for my grades in math and says i have the worst study habits. I find this very annoying! I want to get along with him but he makes that most of the time super difficult....advice on this for me please!! Thanks

I tend to feel that Dad is harder on you either because you are a male or for reasons that he wants you to turn out better and stronger than he ever did. Often times a parent will put unreasonable expectations on or be harder on a child for what seems no apparent reason. Guess what? All parents are simply humans who are prone to error and have made mistakes in their past that they don't want to see you repeat. The bad part is parents don't often admit what they wished they themselves had done better but simply become what seems unreasonable to the child. So this can happen to females too, just not as often as male children. The parents come from a generation that may have been influenced by their parents as far as societal expectations that the man should be intelligent, strong, a hard worker and good provider for the family he will one day have. Also, a parent doesnt want to look weak or bad to their kids. So if you attempt to talk to him about listening more and being more supportive and understanding, instead of wanting to change and be that for you, walls of defense go up, especially if you hit the nail on the head and got it right. He could yell more or clam up and ignore you to avoid feeling so defective as a parent. I know it sounds crazy but most humans do react that way so it may be better if you ask your mom to talk to him for you without telling him you asked her to.
Ask if she knows what he struggled with when he was younger, like your age. Theres a chance he struggled in some areas. Even if not, have Mom ask him to be supportive of you and more encouraging. My kids are approaching or into their thirties and when they were in HS, I already could not understand the new math. Dad who was an accountant couldn't either. And math was never my strong subject, however I know enough to double or halve recipes or see a percentage off sale tag and look at the original price and determine what that would be and whether I could afford it right then or not. My strengths lie in other areas and I wish my parents had encouraged me to follow further education in areas that I had strengths, like writing, botany, art. Perhaps your Dad was great at math and it would be a good idea for Mom to suggest he sit down with you and try to help you to do it the new way. Then if he can't get it either, he could as adviceman suggested, get you a tutor. I watch what my grown kids do, the decisions they make, how they keep a home and it d rives me crazy, I am disgusted on some days and really worried on others. But a good parent knows to let the child learn the hard way and learn that way and not put my expectations on them to uphold. I can only be there for them when they fail and need someone to hug and hold them. If I say I have a suggestion and would they like to hear it and they say no, I'm fine, then I cannot say anyything
but not all parents have grown and matured to that level. Its one of the hardest things a person will ever do, how to be a parent of an adult child. If you can realize how hard it is for him to be the supportive parent and why, then half the battle is won. Hopefully a talk with your MOm about helping to smoothe the way with Dad will help.
If nothing improves, do not let anything Dad says keep you down. Figure out your strengths and use them in what profession you seek later and schooling if needed. The worst case scenerio for adult children is parents who wished they themselves had done better in life and try to live their lives through their children. This means meddling constantly in a childs life with very unreasonable expectations such as 'you must go only to the college I want you to or that I went to' , 'you must follow the profession I did to carry it on it the family' 'you must call me every time you arrive somewhere so I know you are safe' 'you should not date anyone of your own choice' and the parent doesnt like anyone you do ever. and the list goes on. Parents showing up at your doorstep to make sure you are doing as they wished you to do, disapproving of how you keep your home even if its neat. Hopefully that will never happen here and Dad will stop being unreasonable and more supportive..

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I have two friends that I'll call Friend A and Friend B. I met Friend A this summer, and we've been friends since! I would have to say I spend more time with Friend A. We play the same sport, eat lunch every other day, and we have a class together. In that class we have together theres this guy, aka Friend B. Me and Friend B only spend that class together, do we really only hang out during and after that class. Friend B has a ton of the same interests I do, which I suppose is why we became friends! Recently though, our teacher gave us assigned seats, and Friend A and B are now sitting right next to each other, while I'm halfway across the room. Friend A and B started bonding with each other, and I've been getting this pang of jealousy ever since. I'm feeling tye jealousy towards Friend A mostly. I don't understand why I'm feeling so protective over Friend B when I'm pretty sure me and Friend A have a better bond.

Yes. It sounds like jealousy. Jealousy is a fear of losing something or having lost something. In this case, your fear is that with the seating arrangement, and what you can see happening, it feels like you are being left out and might lose the level of friendship you have with either A or B.

Our minds play these games with us when more often than not, what loss or change we fear is not something that will go on forever or may not even be real. Sure its easier to be friendly with someone you sit next to. But its also true that a person can have more than one close friend. We call that best friend or bestie. That already is a false way of thinking, comparing people and finding one to be better than the other when the only comparison you can make is that any two people are different. I'll bet that A and B are not carbon copies of each other and that you although having much in common with friend B. You became friends with B first so when you see A becoming friends now with B, it feels like A is barging in on what y ou feel is an exclusive friendship, meaning that only you can be friends with B and that is acting territorial, and as if you owned the other person. I know you realize you don't own B but the ways our minds act and our emotions follow, is very similar to how upset we get if there is something we own, a coat an outfit and another person steals it from us. Then it makes sense to be upset but it wouldn't be jealousy. If you are friends with both, try inviting both to hang out with you on the weekend. It is quite normal for students to group together in small friendship groups where all are important parts of the group and equal friends. In thinking back to HS, in 9th grade I was one of 3 females and 2 males who formed a friendship group. By 12th grade, I had a totally different friendship group, all females, 6 total with me included. This is normal. SO focus on the good that can come from this, a small friendship group that you guys may add another person or two, to it rather than focusing on the negativee of A taking away what little time you have with B in school. Start thinking and find ways to spend time with B away from school or after school and be sure to include A because A is your friend too.

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17/f
I think I might be depressed. I'm constantly tired, irritated, feel down, I'm stressed out, i hate my body, I can't concentrate, I'm constantly on the verge of tears at school lately, I don't have an appetite, I feel horrible. I'm headgirl of my school and it's really stressing me out. Schools only been open for two weeks but I've never felt worse. Everything I do is wrong because I'm "head prefect and should be setting an example" even if I'm not doing something bad. I try be nice to everyone, I'm top in my class for regrades, I'm always respectful to teachers and her they point out all my flaws since I became head prefect. It's like they expect me to be perfect. When I was 13 I cut everyday and had a bit of an eating disorder. I hadn't cut for 3 years and this week I've cut twice. Ive been bottling up my feelings for months and now I feel like I'm gonna snap but I just can't let myself cry. I let myself cry earlier and I broke but I stopped myself and I just don't feel like I'm done.Ican't speak to my friends because they won't get it and it won't help and my school friends won't care cause they didn't make it to head girl and I did so they won't care of I fail at it. I have a new teacher who doesn't like the girls in our biology class and he's just really rude, and he's also in charge of the prefects which makes it worse because he picks on me and blames me for what goes wrong even if I have no control over it. He even gossips about us to the chemistry class.
I have a female teacher who is really nice and she studied phycology as well. I've been thinking about just speaking to her because I just feel like I'm about to snap and lose it and I can't do it anymore, it just feels so hard to cope. I don't know how to speak to her though? How do I ask to speak to her, especially without my friends noticing? I don't want to annoy her or make her think I'm looking for attention either. What do I even say when I speak to her? I know I can't say that I cut because she'll have to go tell my parents I guess but if I tell her any of this besides the cutting will she be obligated to tell someone? Please help me know how to do this. I can't tell my parents it's not a option and I can't get myself to a therapist

Speak to someone, preferably a person you are most comfortable with. If the teacher has no idea how to help you, keep choosing people until someone gets you the help you need. a school nurse or counselor are also good choices. But please tell someone. I had a daughter who had depression in HS, but none of the signs for it showed. She was great at covering it up. I could tell when she was upset with a friend long before she told me after I asked questions about whats going on with the friend. SO it wasnt that I was not involved enough or caring enough to know. It hurt badly to discover it after her first child and post partum depression added to what she already suffered put it totally out of control to where she said she had feelings of wanting to kill herself and the baby even tho she knew that was wrong. So she got on meds after seeing her Dr. I still feel bad as a parent that I wasn't able to help her earlier and she had to suffer, simply because she chose for whatever reason to not tell me or anyone else. There are people who care about you who will not want to discover you have been suffering in silence. Please don't chicken out and tell someone, or the teacher you like. I'd also talk to other students about the male teacher who is rude and gossipy. Find a couple others who will go with you to complain to a counselor or the principle. If you can't stand the teacher because he is not doing well as a teacher, others most likely feel the same. Only one complaining can be easily ignored but if 3 of you or more complain together and highlight what he is doing wrong, then its likely the teacher will be talked to and told to straighten up.

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