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Anger issues
I'm a 14 year old female. When something gets me angry, I really get angry and it lasts for days even if the issue is solved. I have enough control over myself to not lash out violently but it just makes me feel so shitty, sitting there with anger rushing through me. I've tried every tip and trick online that's supposed to relieve anger, and nothing works.
The reason why I'm angry right now is because the other day I was speaking to a group of friends, and one of them asked which shows we've seen on Broadway. Note that I live in the most bourgie town ever that I don't belong in because my parents can hardly afford food and rent. So, everybody listed tons of shows except this one girl because she doesn't really like musicals but still has been to a few. I've never gone to Broadway because my parents can't afford rent half the time let alone visits to the City and going to fancy theatres. They all acted like thats the most shocking thing ever and as though it were my decision to not see shows (we live in NY so location isn't an issue), and when I told them it's because I don't have money they all laughed along knowing they're some Middle Class and Upper Middle Class fuckers who live comfortably. I ranted about it in my diary, and that didn't work. I feel like yelling at them about it but that won't do anything except make people mad at me.
How do I relieve my anger?
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I have read what Dragonflymagic wrote to you and it is not that I disagree with her, I don't. I do believe part of the problem may be hormonal. It is I also believe that part of the problem is that this has been going on long before puberty.
Part of what makes you angry is something you cannot do anything about. That is what your parents have chosen to as a Living up to the Jones life style of Champagne tastes and not quite having beer pockets. Meaning your family is not exactly poor but they are living above their means.
This problem overflows into your social life as you have described it. Your anger at your friends is not wholly aimed at them for not believing you but once again aimed at your parents for something you cannot control.
I truly cannot tell you why your parents have chosen to live this way when it might be better to move to the suburbs and live within their means. The most common reason fro living this way is for appearance sake for ones job. People who must keep up appearances for their job have fancy houses in fancy addresses, fancy cars and the wife's are eye candy to complete the effect to help dad move up his job.
As parent we sometimes forget how are actions reflect to our children and their social life. You need help in dealing with these issues so as not to let them anger you as they do. Unfortunately you of course cannot talk with your parents. You need to talk to a professional.
My suggestion is this. Either Mom or dad should have medical insurance which would also has something called Employee Assistance Program(EAP). This will pay for the first few visit with a child psychologist more on this in a minute first we have to get you there.
Your anger issues also have you suffering from a form of clinical depression. Once again it will take a professional to get mom and dad on board to get you help. You start by telling mom your just not feeling well and you would like to see the doctor for a physical. No because a physical would include a female exam and you are 14 years of age a law called HIPPA says you have the right to medical confidentiality when it comes to any examination of your reproduction system. You ask the doctor to ask mom to wait in the waiting room.
From this point forward nothing you say to the doctor can be related back to your mother. You tell the doctor your having anger issues just like you told us and it has been recommended you speak with a child psychologist. The doctor will still want to do a complete exam and a screening for depression. Now with your permission the doctor can tell mom you need to see a psychologist for talk therapy for depression.
Once you are with the the therapist anything you say is completely confidential and cannot be repeated back to your parents. The therapist becomes your new best friend you can tell your deepest, darkest secrets to and your parents will never hear them as you complete confidentiality.
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I read an article once about Moms who took their daugthers to the Dr. because the teens going thru puberty were having out of control or over the top emotional issues. All females when their body begins to release hormones for the body to mature and change will become more emotional, cry more easily or get irritated more easily sometimes for no reason. However, a situation of today that wasn't present when I was a teen was an overly high influence of synthetic female hormones in all of our world, due to pollution. It isn't thought to be harmful but our bodies absorb it as we come into contact with it so that when our teen bodies start to release its own female hormones on top of that, the result is an over load of hormones. What that does to her emotions is not just make her sad easily but sadness so great it leads to suicide or irritation so great, it leads to severe anger issues, losing control, long lasting anger and in some cases, anger that led a teen to doing harm to another. Moms wrote that it is a simple test the Dr. can do to check for high levels of hormones and if that is the case, there is medication that is needed only for the duration of the puberty/maturing phase and after that most likely are not needed but can help a females hormonal emotional responses to become like it should be, a whole lot less intense. I am guessing this may be a possibility with you. For all that I read, and how you express yourself and making your points, I see that you are a very intelligent young lady, and its rare to read from teens who can express themselves and who have the conscience of right and wrong that you have. So I know that for you, it is less likely to be due to the mental anxiety or self worth or confidence issues that many teens suffer along with lack of self control and making of bad decisions. The way others are treating you is typical for teens who haven't learned yet how to care about others feelings, it's more all about them. Had the same happen to me, not broadway but simply going out to movies at the theater. Its a common thing for people to do but my family did okay as long as they cut out special things like going out to movies and going out to eat often. I was 19 when friends said my dress and hair kind of made me look like Princess Leia. I asked who that was for I truly didn't know and that's how they discovered I had never see the movie Star Wars though it had been out for a few years. At first they didn't believe me and teased that I was a good faker. Since they were a bit older than the people you likely know, they weren't mean and in fact all said, that I should go to the movie with them. I had started working and had my own money and went. But I can tell you that even without them being mean, I felt so embarrassed and humiliated for not knowing anything about that movie or never having gone to a movie theater in my life. It made me feel like a weird reject of society briefly, even though they said nothing to cause it. SO add in the insults or looking down at you and laughing, I can imagine how bad you feel and I see it as a reasonable situation to feel angry over, even if you do not react in response to your anger against them. However, if what you've read on controlling or relieving anger hasn't worked, I think this is something to check out, the overly high hormone issue. Other than that, all you can do is watch your thoughts more closely because our thought life leads to the emotions we feel. If instead of anger, you told yourself to feel sorry for them that they don't know any better and it's due to their age and hopefully they grow up and become better people in 5 years or so, then by telling yourself it isn't something to feel angry about each time you feel the anger and instead should pity them, that can help. Its hard to focus and consistantly do this but it may be one of the things you've already done. Best wished to you dear.
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