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how to get along with my dad
Hi! SO I'm a teenager and I always come to my mom to talk about anything because i know shell listan and know what to do and so on. On the other hand, me and my dad not so much. He always yells at me for everything and its very hard to always come and talk to him without him getting mad at me for some stupid reason. He checks my phone every day so he doesn't trust me and calls me a slacker for my grades in math and says i have the worst study habits. I find this very annoying! I want to get along with him but he makes that most of the time super difficult....advice on this for me please!! Thanks
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I tend to feel that Dad is harder on you either because you are a male or for reasons that he wants you to turn out better and stronger than he ever did. Often times a parent will put unreasonable expectations on or be harder on a child for what seems no apparent reason. Guess what? All parents are simply humans who are prone to error and have made mistakes in their past that they don't want to see you repeat. The bad part is parents don't often admit what they wished they themselves had done better but simply become what seems unreasonable to the child. So this can happen to females too, just not as often as male children. The parents come from a generation that may have been influenced by their parents as far as societal expectations that the man should be intelligent, strong, a hard worker and good provider for the family he will one day have. Also, a parent doesnt want to look weak or bad to their kids. So if you attempt to talk to him about listening more and being more supportive and understanding, instead of wanting to change and be that for you, walls of defense go up, especially if you hit the nail on the head and got it right. He could yell more or clam up and ignore you to avoid feeling so defective as a parent. I know it sounds crazy but most humans do react that way so it may be better if you ask your mom to talk to him for you without telling him you asked her to.
Ask if she knows what he struggled with when he was younger, like your age. Theres a chance he struggled in some areas. Even if not, have Mom ask him to be supportive of you and more encouraging. My kids are approaching or into their thirties and when they were in HS, I already could not understand the new math. Dad who was an accountant couldn't either. And math was never my strong subject, however I know enough to double or halve recipes or see a percentage off sale tag and look at the original price and determine what that would be and whether I could afford it right then or not. My strengths lie in other areas and I wish my parents had encouraged me to follow further education in areas that I had strengths, like writing, botany, art. Perhaps your Dad was great at math and it would be a good idea for Mom to suggest he sit down with you and try to help you to do it the new way. Then if he can't get it either, he could as adviceman suggested, get you a tutor. I watch what my grown kids do, the decisions they make, how they keep a home and it d rives me crazy, I am disgusted on some days and really worried on others. But a good parent knows to let the child learn the hard way and learn that way and not put my expectations on them to uphold. I can only be there for them when they fail and need someone to hug and hold them. If I say I have a suggestion and would they like to hear it and they say no, I'm fine, then I cannot say anyything
but not all parents have grown and matured to that level. Its one of the hardest things a person will ever do, how to be a parent of an adult child. If you can realize how hard it is for him to be the supportive parent and why, then half the battle is won. Hopefully a talk with your MOm about helping to smoothe the way with Dad will help.
If nothing improves, do not let anything Dad says keep you down. Figure out your strengths and use them in what profession you seek later and schooling if needed. The worst case scenerio for adult children is parents who wished they themselves had done better in life and try to live their lives through their children. This means meddling constantly in a childs life with very unreasonable expectations such as 'you must go only to the college I want you to or that I went to' , 'you must follow the profession I did to carry it on it the family' 'you must call me every time you arrive somewhere so I know you are safe' 'you should not date anyone of your own choice' and the parent doesnt like anyone you do ever. and the list goes on. Parents showing up at your doorstep to make sure you are doing as they wished you to do, disapproving of how you keep your home even if its neat. Hopefully that will never happen here and Dad will stop being unreasonable and more supportive..
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This is a tough question to answer as there is no sure fire answer to the question. From what you write, since you didn't say, I will bet you are a guy. If I'm correct the problem is one that all teenage males face in some way or other.
Girls usually find they can talk to dad easier then mom for the simple reason that dad has never with mom because dads are always harder on the sons because they want their sons to grow up in to responsible men. Moms see this and provide the balance that the boys of the family need by listening and providing a little extra love that isn't coming from dad.
As far as doing better in math I can only suggest that you try getting dad involved in your math course. Today's math may be well above the math he took when in your grade in school. When he see's why your struggling he may back down a bit and maybe offer to get you a tutor.
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