BIOGRAPHY:
My name is Carrie, and I just recently turned 25. I've been told that I give excellent advice, so I created this column last year with the intention of helping as many people as possible. Although I do believe I succeeded, I ultimately turned my back on this column when I discovered just how cruel and thankless some people can be. Almost one year later a lot has changed. I've gained a whole new perspective on life and the world around me. I'm much more positive, sympathetic, and willing to listen when people truly need help. So now I've decided to come back and focus my attention on the individuals who are truly in need of advice.
ADVICE:
I'm very genuine when it comes to giving advice. I try to be sympathetic to the person asking the question, but I don't ever sugar coat things. I've learned quickly that many people who ask for help don't really want advice - they want someone who will say what they want to hear. Sorry, but you're not going to get that with me. I'm not here to make friends (if a friendship happens though, yay for me!). You'll always get the truth from me whether you like it or not. While the truth may sting just a bit to begin with, it will absolutely set you free in the long run. If you want to be lied to, please seek advice from somebody else.
CONTACT INFO:
If you like my advice and have additional questions for me, click on the link right underneath this profile that says "Ask Me A Question." If you leave your follow-up question for me in my feedback, I have no way of replying to it. Please use the link. Also, I have an e-mail address where people can get in touch with me if they need to. Feel free to use it.
IMPORTANT:
This may be a hobby in some people's eyes, but I don't like it when people waste my time regardless of whatever it is I'm doing, which in this case, is providing a free service out of the kindness of my heart. So please don't ask me stupid questions, and please make an effort to type sensibly so that I can read and understand your question. I know there are a lot of young people on this site, but that's no excuse to type like you're brain dead. Proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation is highly appreciated with me. The more intelligent your question is, the more intelligent of a response you'll get from me.
ABOUT ME:
Here are some facts about me. I like pop music (especially Madonna). I like horror movies (especially Scream). I like to chat (on MSN). I love to write (poetry, screenplays, short stories). I love shopping (Best Buy). I'm a gamer (I'm better than a guy - Xbox 360 all the way). I have a MySpace (Click "Ask Carrie" for the link). I love my doggies (I have 2). I'm not a bitch (...well, sometimes). I love to laugh (and sometimes I pee a little when I do). It happens.
Website: Ask Carrie
E-mail: soundslikepink@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: South Carolina
Occupation: What's that?
Age: 25
Member Since: June 10, 2007
Answers: 195
Last Update: September 13, 2008
Visitors: 17101
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ok i no this is super random and semi old. but whatever happend to ryan cabrera and ashlee simpson i used to love both of themmm when they were dating and then i like stoped listening to them and i just thought of it. and i was just wondering hahah (link)
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They broke up, but they both still sing. She's working on her third album and dating Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy, and Ryan has been touring and isn't dating anyone in particular.
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Ok so there's this kidd in my summer school class and i dont know anyone in that class but he started talking to me and every class he talks to me and one time he sat next to me and said i'm gonna sit next to you cause your my friend he sat next to me when he could have sat anywhere else in the classs near the people he know's but then the teacher made him move to his actual seat and he was like ahhhh man does anyone think he likes me (link)
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You're way too excited. You need to tone down the excitement or you're going to scare him (and me) away.
It's possible that he might like you, but unless you're in elementary school and determine who likes who by where they sit, I wouldn't go buying my wedding dress just yet. Don't make a big deal out of this because he might not like you at all, but if he does like you and you don't make a big deal out of it, he'll be even more intrigued by you.
You'll go from being a girl he's into to being a girl he has to chase. Most boys love the chase. So be elusive and don't get all hyper. Be mature and don't act like this is the first boy who's ever sat by you. If you react by saying "OMG!!! this is lyke totally awesome!!" he's gonna think this is the first time a guy has shown you any attention.
And regardless of if it is the first time or not that a boy has shown you attention, don't act like it is. Just play it cool and he'll be into you even more. If he doesn't continue to show interest, chances are that he wasn't into you in the first place and was just goofing around with a girl who he probably thought could take a joke.
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well im a bagger at a grocery store .. dont get me wrong i like it, i just always get nervous when i have to work and i like cry. im just shy and i cannotttt talk to anyone and i always scared im doing something wrong. i wanna feel comfortable and i dont wanna get so nervous and scared. how can i feel better? thanks (link)
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If your nervousness is getting to the point to where it's causing you to cry, you may have an anxiety disorder. You should consider talking to a therapist or a school counselor who can help you through this. There's many things you can do about it, and there are even medications that you can take, but they should be used ONLY as a last resort.
One thing you might be doing is associating the experience as a whole with your past experiences. Just because you've been nervous there before doesn't mean you're always going to be nervous there. Unfortunately, if you prepare yourself to be nervous and tell yourself it's going to be bad, you are going to be nervous and it will be bad.
You're more than likely setting yourself up for failure. Instead of making a bad situation worse, try tricking the situation out by not responding to it the way it's anticipating you to respond. If you get nervous, just let it happen. Stay positive and in control. Once the anxiety realizes it has no affect on you, it'll stop coming back.
You have to gain control by letting go of the control. If you expect to control how you feel, you're going to be disappointed, but you CAN control how you react and that determines how you feel. If you react cool and calm even when anxiety is present, in time it'll fade away. Instead of overreacting to it, underreact to it.
When you're nervous and you overreact to it, your body goes into fight or flight mode and a message is sent to your brain that says it's time to prepare for danger. Then your brain releases a chemical called adrenaline into your body which prepares your body to react. When you overreact, another message is sent to your brain....it becomes a cycle.
However, when you're nervous and you underreact to it by accepting it and not focusing on it, your body doesn't send a message to your brain calling for backup. It just calms down and fades away - it comes and goes. So even though you can't keep the nervousness from coming, you can keep it from staying and getting worse. That is true control.
Everyone is nervous and everyone deals with anxiety; you just have to deal with it in a positive, appropriate way. Consider doing some research on CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy. Also, do some research on deep breathing. Deep breathing and muscle relaxation techniques can make a world of difference. Good luck. I wish you well. :)
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My friend is comming to visit me from a place out of the states where it is legal to drink before 21. Could she bring a bottle of alcohol in her check-in baggage? When they check bags, will they take it from her if most of her stuff screams "teenager"? Any other info appreciated. thanks! (link)
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Your friend is going to get into A LOT of trouble if she tries to smuggle alcohol onto the airplane no matter what age she is. The fact that she's a teenager is going to get her into even more trouble. And since she's coming to America, she has to live by our laws while she is here. You should advise her to leave the alcohol at home or she could be arrested at the airport.
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ok does anyone know were i can find a site that says what kind of anaversary it is? like the someodd year is the paper anaversary? (link)
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http://www.presentomatic.com/eng/traditional-anniversary-gift-list.html
Credit: Dan.
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f/13
im babysitting an 11 year old boy and a 7 year old boy tonight with my brother (who is 15).
do you have any ideas on what they would want to do for fun? i havent had any experience with that age group yet, so im not very familiar..
and im going to be babysitting them from 8:30 pm to about midnight. do you have any ideas on cost? these people are pretty good friends of my mom, if that helps.
thanks in advance!
(link)
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Boys that age like games, especially video games, so play with them if you can. If you don't have availability to video games, board games or playing cards will suffice. Also, TV is a big help. Anything with an edge (like South Park or Family Guy) will keep them entertained for hours. They'll think they're doing something they shouldn't be doing and the time will fly by.
Just make sure you're not breaking any of the parents' rules. Lastly, remember to give the 7 year old plenty of attention. He'll appreciate it no matter what you guys decide to do. Girls mature a lot faster than boys do and there's a chance that both of these boys will be immature and nervous to have you watching them. Keep the mood cool, calm, and fun, and you'll be just fine.
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Well it has been raining a lot this past week, and I was wondering if anyone had any good ideas of what I could do on rainy days when I'm at home alone.
Thanks a bunch.
:D (link)
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It's raining here right now, which makes it difficult to do a lot of outdoor activities. Fortunately, I'm pretty good at entertaining myself, so I always have something I can do. Whenever I get really bored, the internet never fails me. The possibilities of what you can do online are limitless, so if you're into surfing the web, chatting, or downloading stuff, then get online.
Besides the internet, you can try watching some TV or watching a movie. Reading a book is always a lot of fun, especially a good scary book with the sound of the thunderstorm in the background. Or you may want to listen to some music and drown out the rain altogether. If you're feeling creative, draw or paint something. I like to write, so I blog or write a story whenever I get bored. It helps.
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Ok. I am going to use real names because I don't feel the need to hide this.
I have a friend Taylor. We have been good friends for a while. I also have a best friend Dave.
Dave and Taylor were together, but not going out. They really liked eachother, understandable right?
Taylor "broke up" with Dave, then hated him for the last 4 months. For no reason at all, just wouldn't talk to him and made fun on him constantly. Dave hurt for a while, but finally got over it.
Dave and I have been extremely close ever since we met. Dave and I now are kind of, as you can say, together.
Ever since Dave and I have been together, Taylor has been trying to talk to Dave again, and asks me ridiculous questions about me and him and what we do. She said that him her and can only be enemies, or lovers. So what does that mean? If she is trying to talk to him, that might mean she wants to be lovers with him.
She insists she is over him and does not want him, but why is she constantly asking me about it? And flipping out on me about him. I think she still has feelings for him, which is understandable. But she has hated him for 4 months, and Dave would try to talk to her, but she was just such a BITCH to him that he got over her.
It's not my fault me and him like eachother, we cannot control feelings. I understand where she is coming from because it is her ex, but still, they are over, and she knows it.
I don't know what to do. I do not what to loose either of them. Taylor is just being very immature about this and said she might as well go hook up with my ex boyfriend Justin, so I would know how it felt.
Dave and I have been through A LOT together. Like, a mad amount of stupid shit we have done and gotten in trouble for. Taylor seems like it is right to bring those mistakes up to make me sound like a bad person.
I tried talking to her so many times.
Now I am thinking I should just end it wtih Dave so this whole thing would stop, no matter how much I don't want to.
Someone please help me, I really don't know what to do. (link)
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You should have never started up with your best friend's ex no matter how over him she says she is. That wasn't a smart thing for you to do and is the quickest way to lose your friend forever. Unfortunately, even if you end the relationship with Dave, the damage has already been done. You're already the girl who takes her best friend's guy.
I don't think that Taylor is being immature. I think you're being immature (and naive) for expecting her to be OK with you dating her ex. Friends are supposed to support each other and be there for each other. Your actions have turned things into a competition. You have nobody to blame but yourself. I know you don't wanna hear this, but it's true.
I think you need to take some time alone to think about who is more important to you - Taylor or Dave. You can't have both. And you need to realize what you've done is wrong and be genuinely sorry about it - not because the repercussions are burdening you, but because you hurt someone who is supposed to be your best friend. I shutter to think of how you'd treat someone who's not your friend.
I've been in situations where my actions were really, really awful and I didn't think they were, and it took seeking advice from an outside source to make me realize that - yeah, I did a really shitty thing. So I'm not trying to make you think you're a bad person at all, because you're probably just someone who made a huge mistake, but you do need to know you did a really shitty thing that may not be fixable.
You're in a bad situation because you'll probably have to end things with Dave just to even get a chance to make things up to Taylor, and there's no guarantee that she'll even forgive you. You could end up alone. Or you can stay with Dave and leave your friendship behind, but chances are the relationship won't work and you'll have a hard time finding a best friend like Taylor. Best friends are hard to find. Boys are everywhere.
Good luck making your decision. I hope you can come to some kind of solution that leaves things peaceful between all three of you. :)
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I'm 14 and i've never had a boyfriend. I don't really care and I don't obsess over it or anything but if I do ever get one any time in highschool I wouldn't want to do stuff like being fingered or sex or blow jobs and all that...
is that weird? I just don't think i'd feel comfortable doing any of that. I wouldn't have a problem with kissing though..
I'm scared i'll never get a boyfriend just because I don't want to do any of that stuff. (link)
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That's not weird at all. Life is not a race. There will come a time when you are into that kind of stuff. For some people physical contact is a very intimate thing, and it can be scary when everyone around you is doing it like it's no big deal. It makes it not appealing at all.
The good news is, you don't have to be like them. You can go at your own pace and take your sweet time. Eventually, you'll meet a very nice guy who respects you for your morals and values. And when the time comes, there's a strong possibility that you'll change your mind (on your own free will) and WANT to do those things.
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okay so i don't know what to do. i've been going out with this girl for over a year now and i'm starting to get board. we have sex, that's great, but i'm not used to being with people, i can't break up with her, she'd be devstated. i don't know how to tell her that i'm just so board, but i don't know how to make things interesting again... can anyone help? please! (link)
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Aww. You're cute. There's not enough guys on this site asking for advice. We need more like you...
And since you are seeking advice, let me just suggest that you might care more about her than you think you do. I bring this up because if you break up with her or ask her for some space, you may lose her forever and regret it for the rest of your life.
Being a boyfriend and being loyal isn't about being entertained. She's not a video game or a movie - she's a human being. No matter who you go out with, you're going to end up bored. That's just life. You might consider changing your expectations.
I'm afraid that if you don't start working on this behavior now, you could become one of those lonely bachelors who goes from girl to girl searching for something that he can't ever find. Guys who get bored in relationships usually end up alone because familiarity is boring.
However, since I don't know all of the circumstances, I'm not going to just advise you to just deal with it. There's a chance that you don't have relationship ADD and that girlfriend is just a very boring girl. In that case, it's better you act now than holding it in and resenting her.
If you're interested in staying with her, you need to have a talk with her. It needs to be an open and honest talk where you do most of the talking. You need to break it to her gently that you care for her and want to remain loyal to her, but that things are too routine for you.
When you talk to her, try to think of gentle replacement words. For example, instead of saying things are "boring" to you, tell her they've become "routine". Instead of saying you want to make things "interesting again," tell her you'd like to try doing "new things."
Some suggestions: Start doing different activities together and going different places. Take up a sport with her - play tennis against each other or join a bowling league together. Refrain from having sex and seeing each other as often. Allow yourself the chance to miss it and each other.
If you're unsure if you want to stay with her, still have the talk and tell her that you need some space. She might be sad, but she'll be happier in the long run when/if you miss her and want to get back together. That's better than you saying nothing, staying bored, and cheating.
If you're over the relationship, then just end it. Don't drag it out - you'll just make it harder for her. Just tell her the truth, but do it in a gentle way. Don't tell her that she's boring and you'd rather die than spend another day with her.Save that conversation for your future divorce.
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what can i do if i unknowingly am really mean to any girls that talk to my boyfriend? i don't even relize i do it so how do i stop? (link)
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I would be really mean to all the girls who talk to my boyfriend, except I'd know about it and do it on purpose. Ha!
In all seriousness, the best thing you can do is to put yourself in his position. How would you want him to treat a friend of yours - guy or girl? That's how you need to be treating his friends. And it probably won't come naturally at first, so you're gonna have to practice at it. He'll see that you're making an effort and be touched that you're willing to make this change for him.
Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you're talking to them, constantly remind yourself that your boyfriend cares for you and that you trust him enough not to have to lash out at others out of insecurity. Hopefully you see that as the truth. If not, I would suggest examining your relationship and figuring out why you're so insecure in it. You should be happy and having fun. I promise, if you keep your guy happy, he'll be loyal to you.
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My boyfriend who I have lived with for over 4 years made a pass at my friend in our house while i was upstairs. this behavior is really not his MO and never has been. he can't give me an answer why. I need to know "WHY" should i believe him? (link)
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First off, let me tell you that you that I am deeply sorry that you're having to go through this. The kind of pain you feel when someone you love betrays you by cheating can be devastating. It can make you wonder how someone you love so much can turn around and make you feel so much pain.
It isn't fair that you should be made to feel this way, and when you decide on the fate of your relationship with him, I hope you can find the strength to rely on common sense. It isn't easy, but it's the best way to save yourself from any future pain that he might cause for you.
There really is no excuse for cheating. Those who cheat (or try to cheat) and are genuinely remorseful usually show all the signs of remorse. The cheater may become so consumed with guilt that he or she becomes depressed, has trouble sleeping, has trouble concentrating, etc.
If he's truly sorry for what he did to your relationship, you'll know. But if there's a single doubt in your mind, the chances are that he's not sorry and you need to listen to that. If he hasn't even attempted to give you a reason why or to explain himself, then he's not sorry.
Love is not always seen in words. Love is most often seen in actions. What he says is not nearly as important as what he does. I, of course, have an option of what his actions show, but that doesn't matter. What does matter is your opinion. That's the only thing you need to focus on.
Can you live with yourself knowing that you're the kind of girl who takes back a cheater, someone who not only disrespects you but your relationship with your best friend? In one action he was willing to take the love of two people away from you - his and your best friend's.
That's something I would never forgive, but it's your life and your call. I hope you make the decision that's best for you. If you need any more advice, please read my profile and don't hesitate to ask anything. Good luck and keep me updated please. :)
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PLEASE dont say anything negative. I mean I like it when you are honest but there is a difference between honest, and plain mean.
13/f ANYWAYS, i have been going out with this guy for 6 almost 7 months. I am a mormon and im not allowed to date until im 16!! Well i was stupid enough not to tell him that i couldnt date till i was 16..2 months later! The reason being he never asked me to go on a date. But he was pretty sad when he figured i wasnt allowed to date and he just kept saying that my mom and my dad just hated him. My parents are super strict, and there is no way on earth i could sneek a date. I just wish i could make it up to him because i feel SO bad. I mean this guy is SUPER sensitive. :( i just feel so sad.
:[ thank you (link)
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Um...You didn't ask a question.
If you update this with a question, I'll update with an answer.
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For my msn name, i want to give this guy a clue that im feeling him. I need a quote/ song quote that explains how i feel, something along the lines of:
"I like you, but do you feel the same way?"
Anything like that, but is not that obvious. Thank you ! :]
ALL help is appreciated!
(14/f) (link)
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Guys don't get clues, which is why there's a language barrier between men and women that causes most of our fighting and conflict. Subtlety and suggestiveness are traits that (mostly) females have. If you expect to send this guy some sort of hidden message without really sending it to him, you're going to be very disappointed. I can almost guarantee you that he won't pick up on it at all.
Very few grown men learn to read the signals and vibes girls send out, so I highly doubt that the boy you're interested in will be able to and I don't want you to be sad or surprised when he doesn't. If you really want him to know how you feel, just tell him. Guys hate mind games, and most guys won't play them. So your best bet is to just tell him or keep it to yourself.
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I'm actually really confident.
I think I look good, not great, but not horrible.. I dont mean this in a concieted way either.
Its just, I'm asian, and when I'm around other people I feel ugly.
I can't help it, I cant see why any guy would choose me over any of them, I know thats not the point.
But what can I do about feeling this way?
I only feel ugly around them, because everyone I see is goregous, young or old. I believe everyone is beautiful but myself.
help? (link)
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You seem like such a sweet girl who is beautiful on the inside and on the outside. Just from your brief question I can see many qualities that you possess that makes you beautiful to me. It's a shame you can't see them as well. You really need to start seeing the truth and get rid of the negative perceptions you have of yourself.
Unfortunately, it's very common for people to treat others better than they treat themselves. I do it too, and if I had to guess, you probably don't even have to try to see the beauty in others because it comes naturally. However, when it comes to yourself, the negativity comes naturally and all you can see are the flaws.
This kind of thinking does nothing but make us feel bad about ourselves and makes us feel like others are better than we are. This isn't true. This kind of thinking is a hopeless, self-defeating bad habit that you have to work on breaking. Most people don't recognize negative thinking as a bad habit, but that's exactly what it is.
Here's a good analogy that you might refer to when you're feeling down. Negative thinking is a lot like putting on a pair of sun glasses in the sun. The glasses might make everything look dark, but the sun is still out shining just as bright. When we think negatively, everything seems darker, but the positivity is always there - we just shut it out.
You have to learn to be nicer to yourself and more loving. Start focusing on the things you do like about yourself instead of on the things you don't. Constantly tell yourself that you're just as attractive as everyone else - because you are. You may not believe it at first, but practice makes perfect. Just like you've made negativity a habit, you can also make positivity a habit.
Just keep shutting out that negative voice inside your head that's lying to you, telling you things to make you feel bad about yourself. I guarantee you that these thoughts aren't true. With a little effort to be more positive to yourself and some patience to let the negativity subside, you'll see you're just as beautiful as you allow yourself to be.
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i'm 17, i'm a guy, i've never been kissed, i've never had a girlfriend, i really don't have any kind of friends, i have speech problems, i've got social disorders, my face is a wreck, i don't leave my room because my face is a wreck, i hate 95% of the people in my school, i hate society and the nature of human beings, my life is trash and i'm completely nonexistent in the world. thats not the worst part though. the truth is, i really am one of the nicest kids you will ever meet when i'm not having to battle with my social problems and i'm a good looking kid too when i don't have acne. when i was acne free girls that i never met before told me that i look like johnny depp's twin but the acne won't go away and it has alot to do with me wasting away my high school years. over the last few months i had been talking to amazing girl and getting kind of close with her. seriously, she's better than anything i could have drawn up. she loves metal, in fact metallica, pantera, and tool are some of her favorite bands, she's got dyed black hair, wears black all the time, she's quiet like me, absolutely perfect but recently i messed that up completely. any color i had in my life has faded away and gone and i find it hard to believe that i can get it back. does anybody have any answers for me? i don't know where you would possibly start butany advice would be helpful. (link)
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Instead of waiting for things to get better before you start to think positive, you need to start thinking positive in order for things to get better. For some reason our society is under the misconception that the results we all hope for should come before we put any effort into making a change in our lives. It's like when people say they'll exercise when they feel better, when if they exercised they would feel better.
It's a vicious circle of negative thinking, procrastination, and setting yourself up for failure. Sure you have flaws - we all do, but it's up to you how big of a deal you make out of those flaws. Do you want them to be something insignificant that you'll work towards making better, or do you want them to be obstacles that you can't overcome and can't deal with? They only have as much power as you give them.
I suggest you get our of your world more often - you're drowning yourself in it. You're dwelling too much on your problems. Once you start to see things for how they truly are instead of how you've made them out to be, you'll see how lucky you are and how good you have it. Go volunteer - helping others will make you feel a lot better about yourself and show you that your life isn't as bad as you think it is right now.
There are times when life gets really dark and horrific for everyone. The old saying "when it rains it pours" is very true. Sometimes things seem hopeless and overwhelming, but it's just an illusion. There's nothing that the human spirit can't endure. You will make it through and these times always pass. You just have to be patient and put in the effort to make the change because you're causing your own problem. Once you can accept that you can begin to heal.
Ironically, the problem is never the problem - it's how we view the problem and make it larger than life - that's the problem. You gotta change how you're seeing things. It isn't true and you're only hurting yourself. You gotta be the one who lifts yourself up and takes care of yourself. Life doesn't guarantee us a caretaker. So you have to learn to play that part. I'm in the process of learning that now. You'll feel much better about things when you learn to be the one you turn to for support.
I suggest researching Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It's a beautiful form of therapy that's proven to help people who are in situations just like the one you're in. Also, gradually open up and let others in. When we shut others out, it's easy to think that our problems are the worst problems ever because we have no one else's problems to compare them too. Once you begin to make friends, you'll see that everyone has fears and concerns just like you do. Good luck. :)
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why do guys like bj's so much. what's wrong with a simple hj, its the same thing minus the spit. or does it feel different, i dont know i dont have a dick. someone please tell me why bj's are so much better (link)
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Stick the index finger of whatever hand you use in the palm of your other hand and wrap your fingers around it. Now stick that same finger in your mouth. Which feels better to you? Take into consideration that when a guy has an erect penis, it's erect because blood rushes in from other parts of his body and makes it hard and sensitive, so the sensations of a wet mouth feels very good to the guy.
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I get really bad razor burn on my legs. I use shaving cream and lotion and everything, but I still get it...
Anyone have any suggestions? (link)
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I use Nair roll on wax. It's quick, easy, and I love the results. I never use razors anymore because I'm clumsy and would rather put up with the pain of waxing than with the pain of cutting and burning my legs. Besides, cuts and burns on your stems aren't hot.
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Is it appropriate to wear a bright red dress
to a wedding?
The wedding is a formal evening wedding. The
dress is a simple sleeveless dress. It has a
scoop neckline and shows just a little, but
not a lot of cleavage. I would wear it to other
formal events, just not sure if its appropriate
for a wedding. (link)
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I think the dress sounds appropriate (and very nice), but you might want to consider asking the bride if the dress is OK with her. I once went to a wedding described to me (not by the bride) as "extremely casual," so I dressed extremely casual and when I got there no one else was dressed casual at all. That was very embarrassing. So now whenever I go to a wedding, I always get what I plan to wear OK'd by the bride first. She'll be very happy that you did, because most brides like to control everything about their wedding day.
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Okay, today me and my boyfriend were hanging out, just a regular day. We rotated his car tires outside and then went inside his house just to relax. (His house was empty). So he goes on his computer and checks this car website while I sit on a chair, I even grab a granola bar to munch on. So afterwards he approaches me and starts to kiss me intently. Obviously, he was looking for a hookup. Then, I push him back lightly because when ever we go to his house and it's empty, we ALWAYS have to hookup! I don't think that it's always necessary to hookup on these occasions but we always do. I mean he's not a hormonal-hookup-monster but I mean what kind of guy doesn't like them? Anyway, I told him no, and I also said, why is it that whenever we go to his house we always have to hookup. Can't we just talk, relax and maybe even watch some t.v for the period that were alone. I told him I don't want our relationship to be predictable and boring. Like for instance, whenever I go to his empty house I don't want us to have the mentality that we are going to hookup. I'm a kind of person that says, "If it happens, it happens". I don't want it to be predictable, you know? Anyway, we had a huge fight because he says I always do this but i don't, I did it once before and it was for the same reason. We resolved it before, but now it seems we are not getting anywhere on this matter. Anyway my question is how do I approach the matter to him and how do we come to an understanding on the matter that can make us both happy.
P.S: It's not that I don't want to hookup, I would have if I could. But I just don't think it will help our relationship. I don't want to get bored with him. I like him way to much to let our relationship to turn predictable and boring.
Sorry, it's kind of long. I have a lot to say. (link)
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First, you should know that if you ever hook up with your boyfriend when you don't want to, you're going to associate him with making you do things you don't want to do. Once you realize someone is forcing you to do something you don't want to do, no matter how small of a deal it is, it always blows up into a huge deal. My advice: just say NO and mean it.
You mentioned that you've had this discussion with him before but it continues to happen. So there must have been a time or two (maybe more) when you gave into him when you really didn't want to. If that's the case, my advice is to stop it completely. Stick up for yourself and tell him that you're willing to compromise on some things, but not when it comes to something as important as this.
Your boyfriend doesn't seem to take into consideration that there are other things you'd rather be doing with him sometimes. That's a problem, and if you don't resolve the problem now, it'll turn into an even bigger problem later on. You need to gain control of the situation now. He's like a puppy who'll pee anywhere any chance he gets. You have to train him or it won't stop.
There's going to come a time when you realize that his happiness shouldn't mean that you have to be unhappy. You two have to talk it out, and you have to be completely honest with him about how you feel. He needs to realize that the less he pressures you, the more you'll want to be with him. And the truth is, the more he pressures you, the less you're going to want to hook up.
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