TheTeenGirl's advice column

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Q: my boyfriend is really mean to me, he gets mad at everything, sometimes hes nice and sweet but then other times hes mean. like today i told him someone was trying to get wit me and he goes ok im like do you care? hes like no and i sad your a asshole and he said i know and then i said im gonna laugh when i die cuz the kid was really bothering me and wouldnt leave me alone and hes like punch him in the face. hes soo mean some times. how do i get him to be nicer?

It sounds like you're being mean kind of. I mean, just because he says he doesn't care that makes him an asshole? No, it really doesn't, he probably doesn't care because he either trust you enough to not get jealous, or hes not interested in you. Now, you should have asked, him, like, "Howcome you don't care, you trust me?" Or something like that, but you guys need to talk in private, he does sound like a jerk. I sugest for starters saying, "Ok, I don't like the way we are together, I really like you, and I really want us to be nicer, because you're usually the nice part of my day." And be calm, but if he starts yelling, hes not worth it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok i went on vacation and missed 14 school days. Im overwhelmed with the catching up i have to do ( my math teacher was a bi*ch and didnt give me my work) Math has always been my weak spot and its accelerated kind of so its going to be so hard for me..My teacher only stays after on mondays on tuesdays...Does anyone have a plan on how i can get my worked turned in..study for all my tests (in all the subjects) and make up my classes (we have an attendance policy) If anyone can give me a solid plan to follow that would be great..im just really overwhelmed. 5's for everyone..unless your a jerk. thank u!

If I have make-up work, my plan is to not have friends over after school, to not goof around on my free time at school, and to do as much as I can possible. Asking the teachers for help is good too, even though they are rude, I'm sure they will still help you, because thats what they're there for. Make sure that you know what you need to study, ask the teachers to show you after classes. Basically, 14 days should definetly be enough for you to make it up, I really think it is possible to do it in about 10 days. But, you have to make an effort and be willing to do it, make sure you turn all of the work you get done so it won't get lost in your unfinished work.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Sorry this is so long i'll rate 5's. Today during lunch me and my friends jenna and roquel were sitting around talking, and jenna said she hasn't gotten her period in a long time and is worried that she might be pregnant. Jenna thought that i knew about this already, so she was like roquel where did u go to get your abortion?and roquel was like not everyone knows about that jenna. roquel wouldnt tell me that because she was in my law class, and i debated against abortion so she knows how i feel about it. even thought im completely against abortion, i dont judge my friends so thats why i didnt even say anything to her.but now everytime i see her i get sick to my stomach thinking she would actually do something like that.i know its none of my buisiness so dont tell me that, but how do i get over feeling so ashamed of her?its to the point i wanna smack her for being so stupid!because i cant say anything about not having sex, because ive had sex myself but i used the pill AND a condom, so if ppl did that there would only be a 1 percent chance of getting pregnant, so i cant believe she was dumb enough to get herself if that situation where she could get pregnant, knowing her who has done lots of bad stuff, she probably gave in when the guy said he didnt wanna use a condom.i really need advice about what to do, because she is a good friend and i dont wanna lose her as a friend even though i feel so different towards her now.

Well, I'm telling you that I am against abortion too, but you can tell her that my 17 year old sister had a baby, and shes doing fine, she loves the baby, and shes still happy. But, try not to get too upset with her, shes probably really having a tough time, and doesn't want to throw her future plans away, and yes, I understand that she should be prepared for any of these consequences to come her way, but were here now, and you can convince her that you both can help take care of the baby, and if she doesn't want it, convince her to still have to baby and put "it" up for adoption, because at least the child has a chance to experiance life, and she won't have any guilt of getting rid of her child in an awful way. But, you've just got to understand that shes probably upset with herself, and she needs someone to tell her what will help and maybe one night, you can have a little sleepover thing and tell her that you will help her in any way possible. I hope she doesn't get an abortion, please suppot her, and don't get all mad if she is still saying she wants one, give her the good side of the coin about having this baby.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I want my boyfriend to kiss me first. But I think he wants me to kiss him first. And I dunno what to do. His best friend keeps telling me to give him a kiss, but I kinda wanna wait til he kisses me! I am really confused about it tho lol. I might just give him a kiss tomorrow and see what happens. What do you guys think I should do? If it helps I'm 13

While you guys are alone, just say, "how about we both kiss at the count of 3" It sounds pretty kiddy like, but thats a good way to get a kiss.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: For those who know about my constant problems I have with C then here comes another problem if you don't know then you know now. Well anyways me and him have been getting along good so far but all of a sudden today. He is kinda mad at me I think. I mean he didn't actually talk to me today and he hit me. Usually me and him we play like that but today he actually hit me like he was mad. If I did something bad I am sorry for it. But what should I do. I can't just say that I am sorry because he hasn't said one word to me all day except for this morning when I asked him was something wrong. He didn't respond in a happy manner so I left him alone. What should I do I really really like this boy!

I say you ignore him, and when he tries to talk to you again, which he will, trust me, say, "hey, I don't deserve to be hit and I don't like it." because you should NEVER take a serious hit from a guy, don't let it happen. You say that you really like him, but I think you should always wait for boys to come to you instead of chase them around.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok look i kno this chick and we've been goin out for about 9 months and she wants to do stuff really bad and dont get me wrong i do too but i am not done with puberity and i am shy about it i dont kno what to do what do i do? what do i say? should i just go for it and see what happens or should i just wait?

P.S. we love each other VERY much!! :)

I think this will work out, you guys should be at least close enough to be able to tell each other your fears. So, I really think you should tell her, and ask her what she might be scared of, shes probably scared too. But yes, talking is the key to a good relationship, good luck with her. (Also, if she really loves you, she wouldn't care about what you or any of your body parts looked like.)

-TheTeenGirl

Q: [13/f] everyone at my school sees me as a shy person who always follows the rules and everything and thats not at all how i am! i got detention today and this kid saw me in the office [iv'e had detentions before, but i dont brag about it to look "cool" like all the other kids] and he was like "whoa! YOUR in DETENTION??" I feel like everyone knows me for someone i'm not and it's really starting to bug me. i'm not at all how anyone sees me, not even my own friends.. does anyone know how to like idk, show everyone "who i really am"? i know that sounds gay but i don't know how else to say it

I think you're going through a stage where you don't wanna be known as, "the good girl." Which is ok, but you shouldn't care what you're known as. Plus, I'd rather be known as the goody two shoes, than the slut in the back seat, you know. It also sounds like you wanna act all bad and show off by getting detentions. You don't need that, trust me, it takes a lot more than detentions to satisfy the idiots who thinks its "tight" and "awesome". Don't get yourself into that, just ignore them, don't let it get to you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok im 16 and my bf is 19......he was a pub. safety off. at the local mall and a girl he worked wit asked him out and he said no because he had a girlfriend (mind you she is his age) so my bf got fired and now that he dont work there evrytime i go to the mall shes always on my ass...and just friday she almost threw me out of the mall because i raised my voice to a girl who was talkin shit bout me........is there a possibility i can get her fired?....and will it get my bf in trouble for datin a 16yr old?

Yes, its stupid to date someone that much older than you, you should stay away from that cradle robber. Hes just a big pervert. Sory, theres the truth.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: is it normal to every so often not have your period for a month? i have never had sex and im 14 thanks..

Well, you have your period about once a month, and after you've had it for a while, it should seem like it doesn't happen for a while.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ok ive been wit this guy for 3 1/2 months......i kno im to young to love someone but i seriously would be in a state of deppression without him......anyway ive been really mean to him lately like startin fights wit him for no apparent reason..and being sarcastic just to get him pissed..........lASt week i broke up wit him 3 times and we got back together but im so obsessed with him but i cant stop treating him this way.......it might be just because of my perod (i hope so) but im so mean and i dont want to lose him......how can i try to stop acting this way

plz help me

I've had the same problem before, and it caused some serious problems. But, sometimes, when I feel like being mad, I just try thinking of how much I love my guy and how much I need him, and I start to tell him why I appreciate him so much, its like talking yourself out of being mad and thinking the opposite, don't try to pay attention to what next thing he says or does wrong, just focus on the present of things with you guys. Try telling him this, "Hey, I know thing havn't been working out mainly because of me, but I am willing to be better, and I was wondering if you could help me and support me on my decision and know that I'm trying not to be so picky and mean." That way, he'll know you're working on it. And you guys can get through it, good luck!

-TheTeenGirl

Q: OKay...i am 15....I had my first period in Nov of 2004....and i started my period yesterday...this has never happend to me before...but...When i go pee...i bleed too....why is that???? like...i bleed more than i pee...and the blood is all gooey and chunky...i hope non of u think im weird...im just really nervous...because this has never happend to me before..
thanks girls

You aren't weird, this is very normal, and it happens to all girls. And sometimes you bleed because you probably are having a heavy flow of blood, and its normal, it seems gross, and it is, but hey, women are tough.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I love my b/f but i dont know if he loves me. because we are a secret to everyone because of his friends. what should i do?

Sounds to me like this guys a jerk. One of those guys who like to hide their girlfriends because they are ashamed. He may love you, but you shouldn't be with him if you guys aren't public because hes stopping you. You need a guy that treats you with respect, a guy that will want to show you off to the world, I mean, don't you want that? But, it sounds to me, like hes going down the drain anytime soon, unless you talk some sense into him, but good luck.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: ive gone out with my boyfriend for a while now. and all weve done is kiss once. ive talked to him about it bc i know that he is the type of guy who gets nervous to do those things and is slow like that. i was the one who made the move in kissing him the first time also. anyways we got in this big fight last night about it. it got really bad and we almost broke up. but we made up. he told me that on monday (tomorrow) he was going to start doing those type of things (holding hands, kiss etc.). so i believed him and said okay. but then i started thinking that what if tomorrow he kisses me but then thinks oh i did something so everything is okay again. and then he will stop doing it. so to my question what do i do if things just stay the same after talking to him so many times? do i break up with him?

I'm not liking what you said in this question. You're basically pressuring him into kissing and hugging you. Sure, everybody wants to be kissed, but nobody wants to be forced into it, don't you wanna feel like hes holding your hand because he wants to? You probably do. But now, your gonna know that in the back of your mind, "hes only doing this because I am basically making him." If you liked and respected this guy, you would have just waited and would not have cared about the love stuff until he was ready. If you were nervous and scared about something, and was forced into it, you wouldn't like it, trust me. Now, I really think you should apologize to this guy and wait for him, or just break up with him and go for someone that you don't have to have patience for, because what road you're headed down, you belong with one of those guys. So, right now, I am suggesting a break up, but not because he won't kiss you, its because you won't wait for him.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: my best friend is mad at me because i wont break up with my boyfriend because moves really slow and weve been going out for a really long time and weve only kissed once and he is the type of guy who gets nervous to do those types of things. i like him alot so im willing to wait for him to be ready to do whatever. she doesnt think he is the right guy for me. he is a great guy and the only bad part about him is that it takes him forever to give one single kiss. do i break up with him if we dont even kiss? or do i just deal with it and stay with him? and ive already talked to him about it a few times and he says hes trying his best.

If you don't have the patience, leave him, don't lead him on. And your best friend needs to feel happy for you, maybe she goes a faster speed but she needs to respect the speed that you take on. And you will eventually kiss, I used to be that way, and it takes lots of time to get comfortable kissing and hugging and being really in love and not afraid to make a move on someone. And, I am telling you, that it is better to hold on, than wait for a guy that moves faster. He told you hes trying his best, so give him a chance and wait as long as he wants to wait, it will pay off. It sounds like you need a discussion with your friend, why does she care so much about what guy you date? Its not like he hurts or insults her. She needs to leave your relationship alone, and just support it instead of reject it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend (I ama female, if you were wondering). I'm 16 and he is 15. Although, it was a teenage relationship, we did love each other. It might not have been that deep and meaningful kind where people get married, but it was love nonetheless. Whenever we hung out, I'd get butterflies and I would be happy, something I haven't felt in a while. Towards the last few days before I broke up with him, he wasn't really there. I felt like he was avoiding me, he wouldn't tell me anything when I did ask him, and we barely talked. Then the day before I did end it, he told me he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with me or not, which made me decide to end it. On the day we broke up, I cried...a lot. Then, that was it. Every now and then I'll think about him and get a bit sad, but otherwise I am very happy. Being as he was my first love, I relaized there will be others and that I should move on, and I am trying to be positive.I can't help but feel guilty that I am not that sad over our breakup. Any advice?

Well, if you are happier, obviously the break up was a good choice. Sadly to him, it wasn't. But, you guys hanging out with him not being over you, is probably not too good. You'll keep leading him on, and it will hurt him even more. But, I am thinking that you just might be more than past the halfway mark of being over him. But, the break up sucked, so, maybe you guys could talk it over and tell him why you broke up with him, sounds like to me you left him high and dry with no answer or explaination of why you broke up. To him, it was probably more than love. But, you should talk to him, and work things out, and maybe next time if he says he doesn't know if he wants to be with you, talk to him, don't just put an end, you have to ask him why. Whether it be another girl, just not ready for dating, no longer into you, or any others, you should know, and its better to talk. So please talk to him, and be calm with him.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: 14/f...my friend told me that she was going away this weekend so i didnt invite her over..bu then i saw her profile on AIM and it said she was at her other friends house..so basically she lied to me and i now i dont know what to do..i am afraid to ask her about it..and i really dont want to..=/

Well, wait, now, I've been known when I am at places and my away message is on, I just throw on one. Like, I was watching TV, and I could just put one on quick and run, and it usually ends up saying "out to lunch" or something like that. But, I think you should call over at her other friends house if you have her number. But if you don't, call her house and if someone picks up, ask where she is. Try not being afriad of asking, listen, I'll reassure you why you shouldn't be, and why she should be scared.

*Because if she did lie, she will be afraid of getting caught
*She will be afraid of losing your friendship
*She will be frightened of the idea of losing your trust.

Just think of it this way, you deserve to know the truth, that girl owes you the honest truth. Don't go up to her and start yelling, be calm and say, "Ok, what happened, I thought you were in Boston." And don't smile, just look serious, so she won't smile or laugh back as if its a cruel joke, and let her think shes off the hook. You have to know, don't let her step all over you and get away with it.
(Talk to me in my inbox if you need some more answers or more help.)

-TheTeenGirl

Q: breaking up with your boyfriend for his best friend...?

OR

still going out with him because he's a really good guy and you're afraid to break his heart...?

OR

what should I do, because my boyfriend is the most amazing guy ever, and he'd cry and be depressed for months if anything happened. But I just don't have feelings for him anymore, and his friend and I like eachother... help!

Hey hey hey, thats not a good idea to just go date his friend, that would hurt him so bad. Its ok to break up with him, because you don't want to keep leading him on, but please try not going for his friend, he'll be torn, and its wrong. That is the worst thing, honestly. You should just break up with him. And you may need time, because if he cries, you probably will feel bad and need a few days to heal for doing what you've done. Not a punishment, don't punish yourself, just take some time for yourself, don't go dating his best friend. What if hes angry with you and can't turn to his best friend to channel his anger because his best friend happens to be dating the girl hes angry with? You don't wanna get tangled up in this situation. He will need someone to talk to after the break up, so let him have that person, please. You will be doing the right thing.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Hey it's me yet again with yet another problem.
There's this kid who I have strong feelings for, and we were into each other for the longest time. He just broke up with his girlfriend and he's miserable because he cared about her... gurr it makes me so jealous!
He's ignored me for the past month... just all of a sudden stopped liking me. I care about him SOOO much. Should I be mad for his ingoring me like that and going out with someone else... and just avoid him? Or try, now that he's single... to get his attention again????

I'd say leave the guy alone for a while, maybe call him every once in a while and see how hes doing, but don't push it with him, just be his friend, thats probably all he needs right now, someone to just tell him its ok. And don't be mad at him, if you're mad, show that anger to yourself, because showing it to him will probably make him feel worse. After his whole break up proccess, which will be a few solid months, you can start getting him into you and just hsng out. Try not being just like his old girlfriend, being yourself is easier. Because if it turns out you don't get a chance with him, you will have changed for nothing. You should never have to change yourself for a guy, even if he feels worth it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay my friend likes this guy, but they broke up and he doesnt lik eher at all..so she had a new boyfriend...and i started to like her ex so i told her so she wouldnt be mad at me..but she got mad and we are in a fight now...and then she broke up with her new boyfriend cause i like her ex.. and ithink shes gonna try and get her ex back so i dont have a chance but im not sure...i dont know what to do cause i was only trying to be a good friend by telling her that so she wouldnt have to find out if i like dated him

Go straight to her and say, "how can you just get mad at me like this? I didn't know it would hurt you to date him, but thats all you had to say, I never knew you weren't over him, so why couldn't you just say you weren't? You had a new guy and I thought it would be ok, but if you had said that you didn't feel comfortable with me dating him, I wouldn't have done it, you know that." Now, this has to be calm coming from you, because at least it shows some remorse that you want her back into your life, but just assure her that you didn't mean to hurt her by asking and that you just wanted her permission.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I have to do a speech and presentation in English on Tuesday. I am really nervous and hate looking at people, and if I look at my friends I just laugh. However, I can't get anything higher than a B if I don't have 'audience awareness' and I have to get all A's. So does anyone have any tips on how to be less nervous or how I can have more 'audience awareness' or even how to stop myself laughing at the funny parts of my presentation?
Thanks!!

Well, this is hard, things like this takes a bit of practice. You have to stand up straight, and think about how serious this is, think in your head as you're reading "I'm going for the A, I need the A." And think of serious things, and if you find yourself about to laugh, just keep reading and take a deep breath after a sentence and keep repeating the phrases in your head. Pretend that if you laugh, then somebody's feelings will be hurt because you're reading about somebody important, and they have a medical problem, just get through it. Good luck on your speech.

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.