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I realy realy need some help. My friend has been cutting herself, and i don't know what to do to help stop her. She did stop, when she was dating this guy, she said "he made me feel beautful". I realy realy want to help her, but i don't kno how. I tried to get stop, but she won't listen to me. Also she's not afriad of cutting herself, because one of her friends, friend died from cutting herself, and my friend kno's this. I realy realy want to help her stop. But i don't kno how. I also think that her mom is to blame, because her mom calls her ugly and fat. But my friend isn't, shes really pretty, and weights only 102, and her weight is dropping. So i can't tell her mom, because her mom won't help....

I am really sorry about your friend. She must be going through a pretty bad depression.

I have actually been thinking about your question for a day or two now, trying to come up with something you can do. No matter what, as I see it there is really only one general solution. Your friend needs some form of help, possibly in the form of therapy.

This means that one way or another you have to find someone who can help her. I realise you said her mom is not a good choice to talk to. What about her father? or a school counselor?

I have also been on the net a bit trying to look into the whole "cutting" thing. Its not too hard to find phone numbers that deal with teen depression and so on.

As I see it your options (other than talking to her which you have already tried) are to either get her to phone one of these numbers, or for you to find an adult who has some sort of authority over her.

Im sorry I cant be of more help, but I am not very familiar with this topic. I wish you the best of luck with your friend. Below I put in a link to a couple of the websites I browsed.

http://therapistunlimited.com/rehabs/Articles/Depression/Teen+Depression/

http://www.focusas.com/Depression.html

well in the future i plan on adopting a child but I'm having a hard time deciding on where to adopt from.. I have 2 things to consider
1) how bad situations are were the child is from
2) how well they will fit into my family (looks wise)

I was thinking of adopting a baby from china but 1- they wont look anything like my family
2- there are over 50 nationalities in china and i don't know which one to pick

i think i want a baby from Mexico but i dont know! its so hard to decide

if a white female with slightly tan skin and dark hair

I want pics only please! if you can send me pics of coutries that alow adoption and what a child from there might look like that their situation what not that would be amazing! (must have most of that to get a 5)

I'm really open to any country accept like america and canada!

Have you considered Eastern Europe (countries like Romania and Bulgaria for example)? Eastern Europeans (with the exception of Hungarians) tend to be dark haired, white and possibly somewhat tanned. I put my money on that it would be the closest match to what you are after.

Pictures wont do you much good since they look like every other dark haired caucasian child. For example, you wouldnt be able to tell a Romanian person from an Italian or Spaniard.

Certainly the situation for many children in those areas is really bad, so I think it would fit both your criteria.

Ok I kinda have a strange question, but I'm going to ask anyway. If you did butt excercises every day, would that make your butt get any bigger? Like, would it build up the muscles in your butt, so that it would appear bigger? And if that's true, what kind of excercises could I do to do that? Thank you soooo much!

If you did butt exercises you would definately build muscle. This could make it look bigger, but that depends on how much muscle you build (at the beginning the area will tighten up somewhat which will have the opposite effect).

Here is a link to a bodybuilder site with all sorts of exercises, just click on the muscle you are interested in (glutes in this case):

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/exercises.htm

i need to eat heathly because i need to lose weight in less than a month, plz help me what should i eat?

Those were some of the most dubious answers I have seen. Beware diets that offer quick fixes. Anything more than a couple of pounds a week is happily digesting your muscles and/or dehydrating you.

There is no need to go on any diet where you focus on a specific set of foods, or where you neglect a food group (e.g. carbs). These do not work better than a properly balanced nutrition plan. Also they are sometimes bad for you and dont offer a viable long term solution (meaning you often put the weight back on).

First of all you need to estimate how many calories you burn, both on a workout day and on a rest day (if you work out). Here is a link:

http://www.internetfitness.com/calculators/bmr.htm

The calories you burn consist of your BMR + all activities. This is only an approximation, so you will have to feel your way through it.

Anyhow, once you have calculated how much you use, create a 400-500 calorie deficit every day.

Now, as far as meals are concerned, it is very important to eat often. Plan out 4-6 balanced meals every day, evenly spaced out (I will explain "balanced" below). Divide the amount you eat between these meals, eating a bit more before periods of increased activity and a bit less before periods of low activity. Always eat for what you are about to do, never for what you have just done.

Drink plenty of water, this helps your metabolism, makes you feel fuller and is generally healthy.

Now onto what you should be eating. A meal being balanced means that it contains all the major nutrients (carbs, protein and fat). What you should consider is cutting back on saturated fat. These are generally found in things like butter, fatty meats, cheap oils, etc. Unsaturated fats are found in things like nuts, olive oil, canola, fish etc. Read the labels of all the foods you eat.

So, when you have your calories calculated, allow yourself at most 20- 30% of these cals to come from fat in general. E.g. if you eat 2000 cals in a day, that means (at 30%) 600 cals can come from fat. There are 9 cals to a gram of fat... so no more than 66 grams of fat. Of these less than half should be from saturated fats, in fact a third is even better.

The rest of your calories you can divide more or less evenly between carbs and protein, perhaps emphasising the protein a bit more (there are 4 calories to a gram of either).

Needless to say, avoid junk foods, sugar (as in the stuff found in soda, cakes etc), excess salt etc. Eat high on greens, they help fill you up and are a good source of vitamins. Check out the food pyramid in the previous answers for more specific ideas on what to eat.

For more specific recipes and ideas here is a link to a bodybuilder forum where they share recipes on healthier food (this stuff is generally low of saturated fats and high on protein):

http://www.muscletalk.co.uk/Bodybuilding_Recipes/forumid_31/tt.htm

One final note. Dont push too hard, you will ruin your own efforts. Starvation type diets affect your metabolism in a negative way, making weight loss much harder (eating often is key here, I cant stress it enough). Learn the meaning of proper nutrition, and the weight will come off steadily. You will also be healthier overall. Good luck.

I know this ex-colleague of mine but not really that close to him. I think i have a crush on him but i dont really know if he likes me at all.

He's confident, witty and a workaholic.

However, he gets shy/uncomfortable, when i ask him simple personal questions for eg: Do you go for swimming. I think he has a problem of talking about himself to new people or just not that friendly.

So one day, i gave him some sweets via his secretary (i didnt really know him that well at that time in office) and he was quite startled and stared at me and waited for me to say something when i bumped at him at the doorway.
He had those puppy eyes..but didnt say word!.
I pretended not to appear interested in him becos i was too shy.!

Later, i sent him email and was able to chat with him about work..and he responded quite well except that when i asked him for lunch, he just disappeared and dint reply yes/no.,,which was kind of weird. Cos he could have said no.

I managed to obtain his cellphone and he replies all my sms except the ones on personal questions.

I called him once but he was so weird and acted like a total stranger to me.why is he like that

So how do i even talk to him tru the phone as a friend, if he's that shy since i dont see him anymore in office?

How do i get him to even talk to me like a normal friend?

Would appreciate your advice.

Let me warn you ahead of time that this is not something I know much about. Since you dropped it in my inbox though I will share my thoughts with you anyway.

This is very tricky because this situation is really extreme. I am a very shy person, never knowing what to say around women and so on, and yet still I cant seem to relate to much of this.

First of all, I cant see how you can do anything to be able to talk to him normally through the phone. That part does not seem to be in your control, either he loosens up or he doesnt.

When I read your question first I thought he was a shy guy who was interested. As you kept writing, I am not so sure anymore. Im not saying he isnt interested, but the way he acts is a bit over the top. Is this guy "normal"? Have you seen him talk normally to other women for example?

If he is interested, and if he is that shy, I dont think you are going to get anywhere with the emails and so on. As I see it you have two options. One you can wait and try to slowly build up a friendship. Im not so fond of this option because it might take months only to realise that it wont work anyway.

Secondly theres the direct approach. How about just calling him up and asking him out to lunch in person? Make up an excuse if you have to, although I think its probably better if you play this one straight.

In the end you dont work with this guy anymore so you dont have that much to lose. If he refuses to see you then I dont think there is anything more that you can do. Then I would consider the possiblity that he isnt interested, or isnt ready for a relationship (for whatever reason).

Good luck.

((i rate high))

ever since ive been starting this diet i have been getting really bad stomach pains (not like period) but it hurts..this is my diet::

Day 1-eat a lot of food. everything i can. then i eat so much it makes me throw up..!
Day 2-eat nothing.at all..
[[repeat]]

Why in heavens name would you ever have gone on such a ridiculous diet. Im sorry I dont mean to offend you, its just that this one really surprised me.

If you want to be healthy and lose weight start with the following:

- Eat frequent small meals (aim at 4 to 6 meals a day spaced out every 3 to 4 hours or so).
- Drink plenty of water
- Eat balanced (from all food groups) and keep your saturated fats low.
- Create a calorie deficit of a few hundred cals daily (as in eat 400 cals or so below what you burn).

Stay away from the diet you are on, and for that matter any other quick fix. They mess you up in all sorts of ways and, in the end, they dont work the way they promise.

I'm 16/male. I was just thinking about[and no not willing to try this] two ways that I heard to minimize the effect of drinking, mostly hangovers.

1. Drink a cup of olive oil before you drink

2. Take Tylenol before you drink

I think the second one causes problems if you do that too often with your liver. Can anyone verify any of these two? Is it true or not. And again I have never drinked and plan not to, but I was curious when I heard these statements. Thanks.

I agree with everyone that the second one does not do anything good.

The olive oil one I heard about and tried once many years ago. I had heard that it was only a couple of spoonfulls though, not an entire cup. The "reasoning" behind the oil theory involved something about it coating your stomach or something like that. It was a particularly intense (for lack of a better word) holiday, so I figured why not try.

After all that, I still cant say if it worked. It seemed to have some effect at the time but nothing very conclusive anyway. Also, I rarely get very hungover so that makes it even more difficult to tell. So, even if it did, it wasnt a heck of a lot.

I know this didnt help much, but I thought you might like to hear fomr someone who actually gave it a try.

i'm not sure on what thing your suppose to put this in but are you suppose to shave your cat? does boys like it shaved? are you suppose to shave it before you have sex?

Hmmm I am guessing that you dont mean a kitty-cat.

Most guys that I have talked to like the girl to shave. Not all guys do (myself included). You most definately dont have to. My advice is, if you dont really want to shave, just trim it a bit. Just go with what you feel most comfortable with as its hard to second guess what guys like here.

well these guys at my lunch table where saying something like oh no guy shaves down there.(i don't know how we got on the subject ) all four of the boys agreeded with each other. so are they right? like i thought they did since girls do. but i don't know.
thanxx

There are some guys who do but it is very very rare. I have talked to a few who do, but they often complain that its too bothersome to keep up. You have hit upon an area where most guys are big hypocrites. They want the girls to shave all over but wouldnt consider doing it themselves under any circumstances.

Considering how often I cut my face shaving I can guarantee that I will never allow a razor anywhere near the areas in question :)

Do crunches/sit ups really work? I have heard that they do and also heard that they don't do anything. Can someone please tell me if they work & if so, what they actually do? I'll rate 5s. Thanks!

Also, what are some other tummy-toning exersizes? Thanks In Advancez!

Well it depends. People often refer to them in both muscle building and weight loss contexts. So...

If you mean do they build muscle on the abdominal area then yes (with crunches being far better).

If you mean do they make you slimmer on the abdominal area, then absolutely not.

Here is a link to a site that has all sorts of exercises for all muscle groups (just click on the abs and you will get all the examples you could want):

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/exercises.htm

You should be aware that people overemphasize training the abs, while often neglecting the rest of their body. If you work out your whole body (at the gym) you often wont need much of an ab workout as the muscles are used as satbilizers. I have read articles by bodybuilders who never train abs except a bit prior to competition (and yet have a perfect sixpack).

Anyway, good luck training.

I Am Fifteen Years Old. Female. Around Five Two. One Hundred Thirty One Pounds. I Am On A Diet. How Much Weight Would I Loose To Be Normal, Normal Meaning Look Good? I Want Your Opinion. Not The Doctor's Or A Specalist. K. Thanks. Bye.

The estimate given below sounds reasonable. However a person's weight depends also on his/her build type (shoulder width etc) as well as on how muscular he/she is.

For example, if I go to am-i-fat.com and punch in my stats for my lean bodyweight (about 190lbs and 6ft) it says I am overweight and need to exercise.

What I am trying to say is that you should take this into account when you look at the numbers, and rely more on a mirror than on a pair of scales. Of course if you are average in both build and muscle to fat ratio, then those estimates will probably be ok.

Lately I've been hearing voices and seeing things that aren't actually there. I don't want to tell anybody because they'll think I'm crazy.

And also my kitchen timer's been talking to me.

This isn't a joke, I know it sounds like it is, but it isn't. I'm really scared about this.

-Possibly Crazy?

This is the most obvious advice that anyone could give, but it has to be said. Go and tell someone ffs. If you are being serious then you definately need to see a professional.

Crazy is a strong word, and I am no expert, but it could be any kind of mental disorder. Do not leave this unattended under any circumstance. Dont worry what others think. Tell someone you confide in if you are a kid (your parents for instance). If you arent a kid, just go see a professional on your own.

ok my dad wasnt home so i snuck a reeses peanut butter cup, even though i wasnt supposed to have one and i dropped it and my dog ate it...is he going to die? please help me i am so scared right now...hes a wire fox terrior, 1 year old and weighs about 18-20 pounds if that helps...please help me danielle

The thing is they say that chocolate can be lethal to dogs but the dosage has to be quite substantial. One of my friends has a border collie kennel (well, sort of anyway), and I have seen those dogs eat chunks of chocolate (again dropped by accident of course) without any trouble at all. I havent seen any of them even get indigestion from it. Of course I have to keep in mind that border collies are really pigs in disguise :).

What your doggy got shouldnt give him anything more than a slight stomach ache (if even that), as far as I know anyway.

Ok so this is kinda of a long story...well i cheated on Scott last night with one of my ex-boyfriends, see Timothy ( the guy i cheated on scott with) and me have known each ohter since we were kids he was my first kiss and my first real boyfriend. We dated a couple of times but were three years apart so we had to sneak around well he moved awhile ago, like far far away and we lost touch with each ohter. Well i saw him yesterday for the first time in maybe like a year or two..and he told me that he's still wating on me and he still loves me and then we kissed not once but alot. And the thing is i don't feel bad about it at all..i don't plan on telling scott what happend i know i probaly should but...i want to be with timothy but i don't know what he wants i was supposed to call him but i am too scared should i call? i am not going to break up with scott unless things work with me and timothy...is that wrong? i am stressing out about this and i dont know what to do please help me...

I really do think its wrong. You are using these guys and abusing their trust. Particularly Scott. Actually I really feel sorry for him. He really deserves to know what he is getting here.

Actually the fact that you dont feel bad is the thing that I find most worrying. Dont you care about this guy at all? If you do, do you understand how disrespectful you are acting towards him?

If you have any real feelings for this guy, and even accepting the fact you arent going to tell him, at least have the decency to break up with him.

i started doing track and my muscles hurt SOOO BAD. I do all the exercises and we do stretching too. Like 2 hours each day. My thigh's, legs, feet, stomach, upper back, head and THROAT all hurt. I am getting sick from it, i don't get why and i have to keep doing track for like the next 3 monthes. I don't want to be sore for 3 monthes. help
-thanks in advance

You wont be sore for the next 3 months. You muscles will adapt to the stress.

This reminds me of the times when I went back to the gym after a longer break. The agony of the first few weeks.

What you can do is buy sports/muscle cream to rub into your muscles. I am not sure what its called (in the U.S.), but you should be able to find it at any drug store. Basically it heats up the area (burns like hell in other words). I use it for soccer. Helps me quite a bit.

Also, using Creatine might be an idea as well. It helps muscle restitution and peak performance.

The other things you should do is pay special attention to your nutrition and amount of sleep. If you take care to eat right (remember to take a vitamin pill as well) and sleep a bit longer than normal you will soon see results.

Either way, even if you do nothing things will get better.

Good luck.

I'm 5'8, 158 pounds, 15 years old, not active at all.

On this coming monday, im starting a diet which will hopefully help me lose 1 or 2 pounds a week, but I need to know if it will work. Here is my daily plan:

Breakfast: Honey bunches of oats cereal, 1% Milk
Lunch: Fruit salad, water
Supper: Anything my mom makes (healthy)

I will also be running on the treadmill for about 20 minutes at 4m/h. I've sort of been using the calorie-counting method.

Anyways, will I lose weight with this, or is it a waste of time? What can I change?

You arent eating often enough. As mentioned earlier by Ericstarr, you need up to 6 meals a day to optimize your weight loss efforts (in fact all his advice will improve your situation).

I also agree with the OldOne that you are better off pushing the cardios to over 30 mins. Dont get me wrong, the 20min thing is fine, and I have had great results with just that, but over 30mins at a time is better. Just work your way up slowly of course, no need to overstress yourself.

I just want to add a few things:

- Try to eat slightly larger meals before exercising and slightly smaller ones afterwards (in terms of calories). In this way, always eat for what you are about to do. If you are about to take a nap and are due for a meal, eat just a little. Too often people eat the largest meal (dinner) after exercising. It wont kill you, but its not ideal.

- I have read a bit on whether or not it is possible to elevate the metabolism through cardio workouts. I have come across conflicting material (some claim that it returns to normal after an hour or so). However, if its possible, variation is the key. So do your workout normally for a few weeks. Then change it a bit (put up the speed for example, or add some elevation... you get the idea).

- If you decide to incorporate some resistance training (which would be the best thing to do), then the variation principle applies there as well.

Good luck!

Answer to the edited part:

First of all check the packages of the stuff you eat, they should list protein content. You will find that most foods have a certain amount of protein, the tricky thing is finding those foods that dont have a too high content of carbs and/or fat.

Sources of animal protein include meats, eggs (all the protein is in the whites), fish, milk products
Sources of plant protein include: Beans, soy products, grains

When composing your meals, keep track of the proteins, carbs and fats. Remember about 20% of your calories should come from fats (there are 9 cals to 1 gram of fat) and, of these, less than half should be saturated. Saturated fats are found in things like fatty meats, butter, cheap oils, junk foods etc. Non saturated fats are found in olive oil, canola, nuts of all sorts, fish etc. Check the packages.

From this it follows that although some foods have a fair amount of protein, they are also a source of "bad" fat. This includes most cheeses for example. Meats should also be lean, so as to take advantage of the rich protein content without the fat. Same thing goes for milk products.

I would avoid the dip and cheese in the snacks. Fruit and vegs are great, but you should still try to add some protein into the snacks so as to balance the meal (low fat yoghurt comes to mind as an easy snack). Nuts are also a great snack, but in moderation due to the high calorie content (in small amounts they are really healthy).

You dont have to make this an exact science, although I think you will benefit from tracking your calories and so on. Just focus on keeping animal products in general as low on fat as possible, while intaking the bulk of the daily requirements from nuts, fish, good oils etc.

If you find it hard to keep your protein up, then buy a protein shake. Pure whey (which is what most good shakes are made of) is one of the best and most quickly absorbed sources of protein out there. It should not be a total substitute to protein in your food, but its a great supplement.

Here is a link to a recipe sharing section of a bodybuilding site. I know you are not a bodybuilder (neither am I), but there is some great stuff here:

http://www.muscletalk.co.uk/Bodybuilding_Recipes/forumid_31/tt.htm

These recipes are pretty much all high on protein, low on saturated fat and often low on carbs too. Lots of healthy alternatives to choose from.

ok this is so totally embarrasing

im 13 and i havent had my first kiss. i feel like everyone is so ahead of me and im just the loser in the back you know? ive had boy friends before and stuff but i odnt no im kind of scared and i dont no how to kiss and how it works. what if im bad!?!

Seriously dont worry about it. I know its easier said than done, but there is absolutely nothing wrong in not having had your first kiss at 13. In fact in some ways its a very good thing.

Theres no set way as to how it works. When the time comes you will just have to wing it. However, you are putting way more pressure on yourself than the situation merits. Just relax and be gentle (dont ram your tongue down his throat or anything) and you will do just fine.

Anyway, try not to think any more of it. Dont compare yourself to others and just go at your own pace. Also remember that when you do get to kiss a guy, he will very likely be just as nervous as you are.

Ok well this is a really strange question since most people ask the opposite, but does anyone know how I could gain like 10 pounds since I am really really skinny and people blame me for being anorexic? (and please just don't say eat more, since I already eat a lot and it doesn't really do anything). I pretty much want to gain weight all over, except for my abbs which i want to keep flat. Any ideas? Thanks a bunch in advance!

Well most of those answers were a bit... odd.

Anyway I would recommend going to the gym and starting to do weights. Then create a calorie surplus (eat a few hundred calories more than you burn) and you should be well on your way.

Eating loads of fatty stuff is bad advice for a few reasons. First its unhealthy. Second there is no way to stop fat accumulating on your abs (no doing crunches/situps wont prevent that in the least). Third if you are the type of person that cannot gain weight it is unlikely that this will work on you. I have seen people who simply cant gain weight try to drink cream by the carton daily, so as to add to their calorie/fat intake. It didnt work.

Your best and healthiest bet is to start a weight training program.

What do you do if you have a test in a class and just dont understand anything? And the teacher, your parents, and tutors just cant explain it well enough to get it?? Im so worried and sad about a test coming up because I dont understand it! Its history, too, so its memorizing too and I just dont get it! I seriously think Im going to fail this test.

First thing you need to do is relax. I know... easier said than done, but if you dont try you will not succeed.

When I was in school I was (unfortunatly) the laziest person on earth, so here is a technique I developed that got me through literally dozens of tests. With great grades too I might add. I am assuming an essay type test, if it isnt (if its multiple choice or whatever) then just ignore my answer.

I soon realised that how you phrase things can be the difference between a top grade or a failing grade. If you only know a couple of dates, or a couple of names, you have to use those to give the illusion that you know more.

So, first thing first, learn the general story of the events, and learn any general principles. This is a must, but its easy to do. Note down which coutries went to war, why they fought, why one lost etc. Dont concern yourself with specifics (dates, names, events), just with the principles behind them and the overall story. Treat it like a novel almost.

Take notes always since at the end you should be able to look back only on your summary of the overall story (a book can be summarised in a few pages of general principles and story).

Now, once you have done that, then you need to pick out a few important names and dates. This is not so hard because you now have an outline of all the important stuff that happened (and why it happened). For each important event pick a name, a year, or maybe a small specific event. Just so you have a few in the back of your head.

When taking the test, always refer to these hard facts as examples. The key is to phrase it in a way that gives the examiner the impression that these are mere examples of your overall knowledge. That you could talk about this forever if you wanted to, but what is really important is discussing the principles behind the event.

Anyways, I hope you get the idea behind this. This is tried and tested and worked all the way up through to the end of university. Of course, one should always study hard, but if caught off guard at least this way one gets the general background on the events. Its also a crash course in written mainpulation that could lead to a great career in politics.

his guy I like wants me to suck his you know what. He has had a lot of girlfriends and he's really cute and I do like him and everything. Would it be bad if I did it?

To be honest I am not sure why you would choose to ask this question here (and I might add without giving out important info... like your age). I am not sure anyone can add anything you dont already know.

You understand that you would be engaging in a sexual act (for anyone other than Clinton this would be considered sex). You also understand that the chances are that it will not mean anything more. I am not saying that because it wont mean anything you shouldnt do it, thats up to you. Just as long as you understand it.

You understand the fact that you would be one girl amongst many to him. I hope you dont think that by doing so you would gain emotional ground with this guy... Im not saying its impossible, just pretty darned close to it.

So, if you are ok with this, then its fine. If you are not ok then its not. Needless to say if it was my daughter I would probably bring out the proverbial shotgun, but thats a different matter altogether.

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