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cutting
I realy realy need some help. My friend has been cutting herself, and i don't know what to do to help stop her. She did stop, when she was dating this guy, she said "he made me feel beautful". I realy realy want to help her, but i don't kno how. I tried to get stop, but she won't listen to me. Also she's not afriad of cutting herself, because one of her friends, friend died from cutting herself, and my friend kno's this. I realy realy want to help her stop. But i don't kno how. I also think that her mom is to blame, because her mom calls her ugly and fat. But my friend isn't, shes really pretty, and weights only 102, and her weight is dropping. So i can't tell her mom, because her mom won't help....
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Sweetie...you need to get her professional help. I know that sounds like it's impossible to do...but you need to report it to someone. That girl is young and gullible and if her mother, a figure of authority and someone she looks up to, is telling her she's fat..there's a problem. You need to report this to authorities anonymously and have them check it out. It's the only way to help her.
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hey i really feel you on this one. my best friend in 8th grade started cutting herself over a guy and it was maybe the worst 4 months of my life. she was in the same situation, her mom was really critical on her and she was always obessed with her weight and looking beautiful [even though she already was].
the one thing you cannot do is push it and make it seem liek youre angry. because if youre angry then it's going to give her less of a reason to want to stop. treat this like a disease, not a problem. you can't get angry at someone for having cancer, it's not their fault. look at cutting the same way. be there for her, and listen to her and try to get her to open up and make her see that there are different ways of venting and ranting out problems than mutilating yourself.
majority of the time, even if they know death is a certainty, people still do things to hurt themselves only to feel "alive" and to "feel the pain". most people that attempt suicide will regret it those last few seconds before they do it.
first and foremost do not abandon her. she already feels lost and confused and losing you can only make things worse. take it inch by inch, not mile by mile. start with small things that bother her and then ease yourself into helping her with bigger problems.
i spent my entire christmas break and a few months before and after that talking to her on the phone everynight and being there for her no matter what. it sounds hopeless but it really isn't.
for us, so many people kept pressuring her to stop and getitng angry with her that she startd to pick up drinking so we had an intervention wiht the school counselor. but that may not be the best for your situation since every thing is different. but just remember to keep that option open, adults can help. the right ones atleast.
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Even though your friend might see this as betrayal, you MUST contact an adult you trust that can help you in this situation. You can't stop her alone and odviously her mother is no help. In the meantime, try taking her to hang out with you where she can have fun and forget about cutting, maybe your mom could bring you guys to an amusment park, try setting a date she could come with you. But as soon as possible you need to find a teaher or coach or guidance counselor or even a parent you trust to get her into somewhere that can help her. If you cant find anyone to help try calling a hospital and ask them what they can do to help in a situation like this. Good Luck, i am praying for you both!<3
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Go to your guidence counsler.
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I do apologize for not getting to you sooner. I've had a lot going on lately and have not been able to work on my column. I have to start this off by saying that I really feel the pain of what you must be experiencing. I know this has to be quit frightening to you. Your friend is acting out. She is not getting the emotional support and guidance that she needs at her age. Her mother is emotionally abusing her. It's obvious that her mother has experienced some pretty dysfunctional behavior from someone herself, but this doesn't matter. She's an adult and needs to get a grip on things. This is her daughter and that should be the most important thing in the world to her. It is my opinion that people should not have children unless they are willing to give 200% of their time to raising, guiding and taking care of them. If a person can't do that then they should not have children. People are all too often having children w/o understanding the HUGE responsibility this is. I have expressed this opinion because I want people to understand the importance of raising children. I wish I could give you a game plan or an exact way to help your friend through this terrible ordeal. The problem here is neither you nor I am equipped to handle this kind of emotional trauma. You have to get the authorities involved. I know that sounds harsh, but it is the only way you can help your friend. There are no magic words and no boyfriend is going to help her in a permanent way. If she goes to school with you then I would go to your parents, school councilor or principle. I would let them know what is going on in your friend’s life. This is a very serious matter and if someone does not intervene your friend could do something everyone would regret. I realize it's not the cool thing to do to go to adults and tell what is going on you young peoples life. The problem here is it is life threatening. Being quiet here and something happens to your friend, you will never get over that. You will regret it. I am really interested in what happens and am concerned. You are welcome to contact me again and let me know what happens. I’ve also included some websites that might help you and your friend. Good luck to you and your friend.
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Namaste!
LULABELLE
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I am really sorry about your friend. She must be going through a pretty bad depression.
I have actually been thinking about your question for a day or two now, trying to come up with something you can do. No matter what, as I see it there is really only one general solution. Your friend needs some form of help, possibly in the form of therapy.
This means that one way or another you have to find someone who can help her. I realise you said her mom is not a good choice to talk to. What about her father? or a school counselor?
I have also been on the net a bit trying to look into the whole "cutting" thing. Its not too hard to find phone numbers that deal with teen depression and so on.
As I see it your options (other than talking to her which you have already tried) are to either get her to phone one of these numbers, or for you to find an adult who has some sort of authority over her.
Im sorry I cant be of more help, but I am not very familiar with this topic. I wish you the best of luck with your friend. Below I put in a link to a couple of the websites I browsed.
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She needs your love and support. I know it is hard to connect sometimes, especially when she is depressed like this, but try and have some fun. Focusing only on the cutting issue won't fix it. You have to make her see she has something good enough to stop for, that she has friends who care.
If you can't help her by yourself, you may have to ask for outside help. Talk to your school counselor or nurse if you can't do it alone. They will probably know what to do better than you or I.
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Listen you don't have to worry about this problem all on your own .. you can talk to a guidance couselor or parent. if her mom knew she was making her daughter cut im sure she would care . you need to get her help . because if shes really important to you, you need to save her before she does something shell regret. hope that helped .. if you need to talk to can i-m me at :: NevaHAdSum1LikeYou
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Thanks for leaving one in my inbox, feel free to do so again.
You need to tell somebody right away - an adult. School principal, guidance counselor, other relatives, whoever knows her. If you can, get her close friends involved with this too - inform them about the situation and ask them to do the best they can to talk her out of it. If you can, try to spend enough time with her so that you know what is causing her problems. Try to be there for her and always be willing to listen. Even though you said you think the mom wouldn't be much of a help, you should still tell her and her dad about your concerns. I don't mean to put you down or anything, but in these kinds of situations, you [as in the friend that is willing to help the victim out] is usually unable to provide the help they need...so I would suggest parents, older relatives, conselors, doctors, etc. I mean yes, do as much as you can to help, but don't expect to make it go away all by yourself - you and her will both need help with that. Hope that helped and good luck.
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okay well this friend of yours really needs you to help her. you cant just sit there and not help her. If you believe and truly believe that her mom is the one causing it then she needs to get away from her mother. what you can do to help with this is by telling your mom and she will hopefully take your thoughts and turn them into actions. What your friends mother is doing is called mental abuse and you need your friend to realize that. You need to get her away from her mom and into a counselor if your friend keeps doing this then she will obviously ruin her life andd never be able to make it better. You need to show her what life is supposed to be like and show her that you dont need a boyfriend to make you feel beautiful you ARE beautiful no matter what anybody says. Its not the outside thats the beauty it is the inside and everybody has beauty. Good Luck Hope i have helped!
Kate♥
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Wellthan all you can really do is be thee for her. You need to keep telling to her that there are lots of pepole that care about her about her and that they dont want her to get hurt or something happen to her. Maybe talk to your mom or an older adult you can trust and see if you can get her some help.
-Jess
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tell her that shes pretty and that her friends and family care about her alot and that if she gets hurt one day like end up in the hospital from cutting, then you all would be deeply hurt inside. maybe you can hang out with her more with some other friends and make her cheer up and happy and make her know that you guys are theyre for her whenever she needs you and cutting isnt the way to solve her problems. i think all she needs is some happiness in her life so just hang out with her more often, talk to her more and maybe make her feel better about her self
ps. to tell her that her mom is wrong you could tell her that her mom isnt there for her whenever she needs someone and that a mom shouldnt be calling their own daughter ugly and fat
im sorry if that didnt help though
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