tasuki's advice column

im a heavy 15 year old, and i want to gett flatter abs before school starts in september. what could i do without trying to do a million crunches a night? thank you

Do fifty crunches a night. It doesn't take a million. If you don't want to do the work, don't complain about it.

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My friend broke up with her bf just a few hours ago. She wanted him to be in tears, but he was happy. So she got revenge on him, and asked out this guy she knew would say yes! I felt horrible for the ex bf. I really want to call her new bf and tell him to break up with her, but I know that the new bf will tell her what I said and she'll get in a fight with me. I really don't want to fight with her because i'm the type of person who goes crazy when somebody is mad at me! Please tell me what I should do!

Thanks

Honestly, you should let it go. My friends make some horrible boy-related choices, but I try not to let it bother me. She is going to do whatever she wants, and it's best to just stay out of it. It's likely that this new relationship will not last very long, so you don't have to worry about this boy getting forced into a marriage with her. And don't feel sorry for the old boyfriend if he was happy about it. Making him happy is not your responsibility, and if he is upset, he'll get over it. You don't have to fight, just accept her and let it go.

-Lea

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My Boyfriends Birthday is comming up really soon and I can't think of anything to get him (hes my 1st b/f so I've never got a guy anything) I can't even think of anything at all please help.

A photo of the two of you would be great, in a personalized frame. You can buy things at Michael's or another craft store that you can use to make a frame. It's not hard--the artistically challenged can do it easily. A scrapbook might be nice too, it's kind of the same idea, but they take MUCH longer. My friend does this kind of thing all the time for her boyfriend, and he loves it.

-Lea

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I am/was i'm not sure if i still am pregnate but let's say i lost my baby would i be able to tell by a pregnacy test like of you lost the baby or not througha pregancy test please help me i need to know soon. thanks

A pregnancy test? No. You go to a doctor. Right now. My mom had a miscarriage once, and she had to go the emergency room. She was in extreme pain. I don't know if it's the same for all miscarriages, though. But you should be going to a doctor no matter what, so make an appointment right away.

-Lea

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my friends are always like omg he just got a boner! and i always feel left out cuz i dont know what they are...and im too embarassed to ask. CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT A BONER IS?

THANKS

The real word for it is erection. When a man is aroused, the blood rushes to the penis, making it hard. The same thing happens to girls--we have something called a clitoris that becomes erect when we're aroused, but it's, you know, pretty deep down and small, so nobody notices. Many times guys can't help but get erections, for example, if something is touching his penis he'll probably just react naturally. Just because he has an erection doesn't neccessarily mean he's turned on.

Please don't rate me a five if I don't deserve it. The ratings exist so that if somebody gives you bad advice, other people will know that it was bad and if it was abusive, something can be done about it. =)

-Lea

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I go to this camp and there is this girl I like I am 14/m and she is 16/f (I don't care that she is older) the thing is she has told me she thinks I'm hot and I've told her the same thing. She lets me feel her up and we talk most of the day at the camp. But when I asked her out she wasn't so sure because shes older and she said that she had a boyfriend (it seemed like she was using it as an excuse to dodge the question) but then she paused for a second and said she was single but then she game me this really unclear answer and left (it was at the end of the day and her parents came to pick her up so she had to leave). I'm confused, what should I do?

Forget about her. I think it's pretty clear that she's using you for her own physical gratification. Thinking that somebody is hot and feeling them up are not the same as loving or even liking a person. It's not a good basis for a relationship. The fact that she lied to you shows that she doesn't want a relationship. There are better girls out there, go find one.

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I wear a lot of black clothing. In fact, I'm almost always in black. I'm not attempting to be goth or anything; I simply like the colour in clothes and I feel it suits me. Occasionally I'll wear colours but for the most part I wear black. Ever since this though, I've copped a lot of critisism from people. So many people have asked me why I wear so much black. A couple of guys have said they'd like me better if I didn't wear so much black. One "friend" of mine even went so far to tell me I don't look good in it and to stop wearing it!

I just can't understand it. Why is it such a big deal? I'm a happy person, and am not goth at all. I just like black clothes. What should I do?

It's none of their business! They're just trying to get under your skin, anyway. Next time somebody says they'd like you better if you didn't wear black, look them in the eye and tell them that they need to get their priorities in order. It's a big deal because it's different, and people are notorious for hating differences. Also, they go with the stereotype that goths are always depressed, suicidal attention seekers (fyi, they're NOT. Most of my friends are goth, and that's not what it's about at all.) and, for whatever reason, want to make fun of that. Maybe you could wear brightly colored accessories with your black clothing. Personally, I think it looks better that way anyway. But don't listen to people who don't know you. Just be yourself.

-Lea

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Ohh boy, i just turned 15..had sex for my first time, didnt use a condom, im so stupid and im so scared now :( im stressing out so much and i dont know what to know, i had sex like exactly a week ago now, and i dont know if im bloaded or what but my stomach is starting to get big and ive gained 3 pounds-ive also been noticing im eating A LOT latly :-/ should i go get checked out..or take a pregnancy test? ohh lord help me!!

The first thing you should do is calm down. The second thing is to tell someone you trust, preferably an adult. And then see a doctor as soon as possible. You are at risk for more than pregnancy. I don't know, but I'm pretty certain that a week is too early to tell for pregnancy--but you should still see a doctor to get checked for STDs. I'm sorry I can't give you better advice, but I'm not experienced in this at all.

-Lea

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I live in Western Suffolk County, I am already divorced and my ex-wife has custody of our son. From time to time, I am still presented with custody or child support issues and would like a good matrimonial attorney. I would prefer an attorney who specializes in Fathers who do not have custody.

You should check the yellow pages. When you find someone, ask around. If the lawyer has a good reputation, she or he is probably good.

http://www.divorcenet.com/states/new_jersey/choosing_a_matrimonial_lawyer has some information on what to look for in a good matrimonial lawyer.

You may also try:

There may be a group on about.com about it. In the past, communities like that have been very helpful to me. It's easier to meet people in the same situation when there's a specific group of them.

Good luck!

-Lea

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Is god real im confused

It's up to you! Your religious belief is entirely your opinion! Some people just decide that they don't know if God is real or not, and they're happy just not knowing.

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Hey people. I've been a columnist for a short time, only from May 30, 2006. I love giving advice, and my rating is a 5. I love to read medical books, especially about puberty and stuff. Some girl here told me I know nothing about sex! Now I know that's not true, but whenever I'm insulted, my confidence goes down. And I enjoy advicenators, and helping people. Can someone say anything to boost my confidence up. And my columnist name is Triple.G, can you go there, scan my answers, and tell me if I do give bad sex advice? Thanks.

I'm in a sad mood, so I'll just give 5's.

It happens to everybody, I assure you. Ralph Waldo Emerson was critiscized, but he dealt with it, and he's the awesomest writer of all time. I think so, anyway. I've been insulted a lot of times, and over the years I've become better at dealing. You need to learn to laugh about it. None of these people know you anyway, and they must really have such an exciting life that they need to insult total strangers online. Looking over your column, I think you're doing a fantastic job. So you don't know everything about sex. I know a lot about it, but not everything--nobody knows everything. Sometimes people are just picky. Keep up the good work!

-Lea

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are wheat thins good for you? and do they taste good

They're okay in moderation. I wouldn't eat boxes and boxes of them (they're high in carbs, which is actually pretty bad) but once in a while a handful is okay. And in my opinion, yes, they taste very good.

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I've been in love with the same guy for about 2 years. I've "went out" with him about 6 times, and 4 of the times he has cheated on me. He tells me all the time that he loves me (when he's with another girl) but then when we go out, he completely ignores me. So, I basically still love him and I don't want to. What would be a good way to keep him off my mind forever and stop loving him?

He's not worth your emotions, and it's good that you realize this. I don't think you really do love him. You love it when he tells you he loves you, and you want to be with him. But loving someone isn't wanting to be with them--it's what you would do for them. All he's doing for you is playing with your heart, and all you're doing for him is falling into the trap. Just don't listen! No matter how hard it is, don't go back to him. Don't even speak to him--nothing says you have to. Repeat to yourself constantly, "He's scum, he's a waste of my time, I don't love him." You could write a list--a private one--about all his bad traits. Cry if you have to, it helps. Think of it as a road that you have to walk. You'll probably always feel something for him, since he was so involved in your life. But realize that that is in your past, and just keep walking.

-Lea

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What are some free programs you can download music on? I had bearshare, but it put spyware on my computer. I also tried limewire but you have to have java for it to work, and when I tried to download java it said there was a problem. I used to know a lot of programs, but I forgot them. Thanks!

Whatever you do, don't use Kazaa. It will give you viruses like whoa. You could get something like utorrent. Then you would download the torrents, and add them to utorrent for them to download--this can take a few minutes or it could take a month, but it's worth the wait. Still, any program like this is risky. It's also illegal in most places...I think France is the only place it isn't. So if you want to be safe and abide by the law, I suggest getting a job and just buying CDs, or moving to France. ;-)

-Lea

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does anyone no a place i can go to to get from like with the codes so i can put it on my profile. yahoo doesnt give the code and it doesnt work on my computer.
please help and i will rate!

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Hey... ok, this question is crazy so don't say I didn't warn you.

I think I'm looking for opinions more than advice... and I want to hear what you all think!!

Ok, I am a 20 year old female and I am about to start my third year of college. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for about 3 years. We actually went out for 2 years, then broke up for 8 months because I didn't want a relationship, and have now been back together for a few months. He is deffinitely the love of my life, and we intend on getting married in the future.

Why in the future and not now? Well, he recently joined the army and will be in it for the next 4 years. He is now stationed across the country and is going to Iraq for a year soon. He visits as much as he can, and we have no problems making the relationship work. We always talk about getting married in 4 years, because that is when he will get out of the army and I will be finishing up college.

So what is my question about? Well, we got to talking the other day, and the idea of us getting married NOW came up. The reason this even came up is because if we do it now, he will get payed twice as much for being married and in the military. Not only that, but I will also be able to get on his health insurance plan provided by the army. And lastly, the army would pay for my last four years of college... and because I am not eligible for financial aid, that would save us about 150,000 dollars in loans (after interest) once I am graduated.

If we get married now, there would be no ceremony since it's too last minute... he leaves for Iraq in 2 months. We would just sign the papers and be legally married. In your opinion, is this a mistake? Is it selfish or in bad taste? We both intend on getting married to each other, and we both love one another and have faith in the relationship. If we get married now, we intend on having a big ceremony in a year or two. What do you think? I mean if we are getting married anyway and love each other, shouldn't we just do it now and make our lives in the future easier?

All opinions are welcomed and appreciated! Thanks! :)

I can't say for sure if it's a mistake or not because I'm not the one getting married--this is entirely your choice, and you have to follow your instinct on it. You don't know for sure that it will make your lives easier in the future (note: once you're married, that becomes "life". Cool, huh?) because really, you don't know what will happen. But if it were me in this situation, I would seize the day and get married now! It seems like you're ready. It is selfish--that's the point of getting married! You're not doing it for your mother or a group of homeless orphans, you're doing it because you love each other! But I don't think it's in bad taste, a lot of couples do this when one of them is going into the military. The main reason, I'm sorry to say, is because you really don't know what will happen. In Iraq, I mean. But even if it was in bad taste, it's not anybody's business but yours and his.

Hope it works out for you,
Lea

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i recently learned that one of my very close friends is bisexual. She didnt tell me, i just kinda found out through the grapevine. Well, I'm fully supportive of her and everything, but I just dont know how to deal with it. How do i tell her I know? I dont want things to be different between us, because we're really good friends. Help please.
Sincerely,
Confused

First of all, don't believe rumors. Just ignore it, and put it out of your mind. Unless she tells you that she is bi, don't believe it. Go to her and say, first off, that it makes no difference to you if she is or not, and then explain that you heard a rumor and wanted to know if it was true or if some idiot with a grudge was just trying to ruin your friend's good name. Things may be awkward at first, but it won't take too long to go back to normal. I'm bi, and it took me a while to fully come out to my friends. They didn't care, and said that they loved me anyway. I don't get crushes on them, and if I mention a girl I think is hot, they react the same way they would if it was a guy. If anything, this will make you even closer--this is pretty personal. If at first she lies or avoids telling you, don't worry about it. Like I said, it took me a really long time to tell my friends, and that may be the reason that she hasn't told you about it.

-Lea

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School ended jus the other day and I'm really upset about it. I wish i still had to go to school and not have summer yet. I think the main reason is because I'm not going to see everyone everyday. What can I do to get over the saddness?

Call your friends to hang out somewhere, like the beach or a pool or a nice air-conditioned mall! Really, just because you're not going to school does NOT mean you have to stop having a social life.

-Lea

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does anybody know any hair styles that are easy but still look good? im bored of just putting my hair up or straightening it....
i rate high!

It depends on your type of hair. I'll tell you the one that works for me. I have really thick, curly hair. I started doing this style and about a week later I read in a magazine that it was actually the perfect look for my hair type--weird huh? I tie it up like I'm putting it in a ponytail, but then fold it over, so it's in a bun. Then I tie the scrunch around it two times. I leave it a little messy, because there's no use in trying to make it neat (and guess what? The magazine reccommends this!) I like to have a few strands pulled out so I can have something to twirl around my finger. And dangly earrings really help with it. You can also try braiding your hair, or buying different clips/scrunchies or other crazy products. Be experimental!

-Lea

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hi. im a 15 year old guy and i like this 15 year old girl..we r great friends and i feel like we can be more but she doesnt..ive talked to her about it before and i want to send her a song link...would For You I will by teddy geiger or Broken by seether be a better choice...thanks so much in advance

I'm sorry, but I don't think you should send her a song. She's already told you that she doesn't think of you that way--trying to force it will, in the end, hurt both of you. If you want to have a talk with her, go ahead and talk with her, but don't send her a song. It will make her feel really, really awkward.

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