ask FernGully
the angry canadian



Ferns General Advice Do or do not, there is no try. If you have to try, then it just isn't you.
If you aren't sure if you should have sex with him, then you are not ready to have sex with him.
"But I still love him!" Well he does not love you. If he loved you, he would not hurt you.
Let's get one thing straight. STUPIDITY IS NOT COOL. So hey, why not aim for more?

There's your answer fishbulb.



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Down, please.

Ahoyhoy. If you see abuse of users or of the site, report it using an Abuse Report.

I'm a 21 year old useful person. I am generally not in the advice game except for some rare occasions. I am mostly here to help keep advicenators running smoothly (though they don't really need me).

As a side note, everybody sucks but me.
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hey i like your general advice on the side. i like that picture of you too whats in your mouth? by the way do you mind if i put your general advice on my site i can understand if you say no though. (Indeed)

I'm glad you like my general advice, however, I'd prefer if you didn't take it for your own column. It's special to me.




I am 13 years old--i no kinda young but i have had strech marks on my left thigh for 3 months and i just recently noticed that I am getting some on my right thigh too. They are blue and like pink on the left thigh and just white b/c they just started showing up. I was wondering how can i fade them? It would really mean alot to me if u could find some ways like home remedies ~Marked For Life P.S you can e-mail me if u know ways at missygirl8_2000@yahoo.com (Indeed)

The best way to reduce stretch marks is to use Vitamin E lotion/cream. It might not get rid of them entirely, but it will definitely improve the situation. If you are still concerned, consult a dermatologist, because they will be your best source of information on scarring/scar tissue (which is what happened to your thighs, most likely from growing very suddenly).




My boybriend has braces we really wanna kiss, but i'm scared that something will happen because of his braces. Will anything happen? Please answer my Question!

14/female (Indeed)

Well, no, things should be just fine. Fact of the matter is that - you don't kiss someone's teeth. If you are also implying some sort of tongue movement, well then just be careful not to attempt to lick his teeth.




Ok. First off, Im somewhat depressed..and no one beleives me on that. Just to say :) Anywho, Im what the labelers would call "Gothic", and I am , I know that. But i live in a conservative town, and Im the only person "gothic" within many many miles of here :) People all around me are talking shit, and Im fine with it.. I know how to deal. But , theyve created like an alter-ego for me. They decide who I am to everyone else, Im guessing. I cant say anything because my friends/family dont listen. No one really knows who I am and I want to be, ME damnit, heh. Im trying to let people know what Im like but the alter ego grows. I have really no where to run to, or anyone to have help me (yeah I sound desperate). I have NO idea what to do, and neither does the psychologist, she knows I cant really do anything in my case. Any ideas how I could be normal with out getting brutaliated by everyone, and how I can have people listen? (Indeed)

I don't really want to bore you with any of the standard 'you can only be yourself/don't let other people define who you are' crap, because that doesn't really help you. Fact of the matter is, people are jerks, and that won't change any time soon. You shouldn't have to change yourself to suit other people or make them leave you alone, so my only advice is to keep being as 'you' as possible, and hope that people will get tired of trying to make you into something you're not. Most people worth your time will realize in due time that you are not what people claim you are or make you out to be. I guess what I'm saying is that you should continue being how you are, and if people can't accept that and need to make crap up, well then you'll have to just be content knowing how stupid they are in comparison to yourself. As for depression, sometimes it's nice to just talk to someone about the things that depress you, so you should find someone to confide in for that kind of thing, someone you can feel okay letting in on the stuff that bothers you and brings you down. It does wonders.




Does anyone think it would be okay to go swimming on your period, and without wearing a tampon? My mom said I have to wai till I'm about 15, and I'm a couple of years younger. What should I do??!!! And if so, what do i do after i get out of the pool?! (Indeed)

It might not be okay to go swimming without a tampon while on your period. You might get lucky and be fine, but more than likely - you won't. Being in the water doesn't stop your period, and you may end up with an embarassing situation or you'll need to invest in a new bathing suit. I suggest wearing a tampon, or not going swimming at all. I can't understand why your mother won't allow you to, but you should talk to her about it. At a young age, it's true, you probably shouldn't be using tampons on a regular basis, but it shouldn't be an enormous problem to only use them to go swimming. If she educates you properly on using tampons, you should be just fine. Talk to her.




ok i have been looking all over the internet for a homemade recipe for a face mask that gets your skin glowing... well i was always gunna try them untill they start telling me these weird herbs that i never heard of or dotn know where to get them...so what is a recipe that has ingredients that i have at home or that i could just go to the store and buy...i want a glowing face!!!pleez help (Indeed)

You'll probably find that Jennifer Lopez has glowing skin because of make up and lighting, but I understand what you mean when you say glowing skin. The brand Aveeno makes a line of facial cleansers that are specifically for getting 'glowing, radiant skin.' I use two of their products, one is a regular cleanser which cleans your skin but also has these little flecks of reflective particles, so your skin gets the appearance of being somewhat sparkly/radiant, without actually being covered in sparkles. Another Aveeno Skin Radiance product I use is their scrub, which exfoliates your skin. Exfoliating can really do wonders for dull looking skin. There really aren't any at home miracle ways to give your skin a healthy and nice looking glow, because if there were, everyone would be doing it. I'd suggest talking to a dermatologist (your regular doctor can set you up with an appointment if you ask). They can tell you, from an unbiased view, what your skin really needs to look its best. Plus, there are so many products just like the ones I've mentioned, that you may have a really tough time deciding what is best for your specific skin.




my boyfriend fingered me last night and i no im not pregant but ever since my vigina has felt really weird and am i going to bleed as its the first time ive ever bin fingered. (Indeed)

Sounds somewhat normal, but it sounds like you need to tell your boyfriend to be more gentle with you, he could do some serious damage if he isn't careful. It isn't highly likely that you'll bleed, and if you do, it won't be very much. If you do bleed a lot or find that the weird feeling doesn't go away, then you may want to consider getting real medical attention, because there could be more serious problems. For now, try not to worry, what you're feeling is likely a common feeling.




how do you make the angry canadian come under ferngully? (Indeed)

It is just simple HTML. The trick is getting it in the right spot under the proper heading in your column style. If you want it where mine is, it has to in the same heading as the tag.




how can you tell if a teen guy about (14)
like you

and how can you call that person with out getting nerves and chicken out
(Indeed)

It is kinda tough, but I recall that 14 year old guys were generally kind of mean to the girls they liked. But of course, this was 5 years ago, so maybe things have changed (oh man, that made me feel old). The guy will either be, really nice to you, or jokingly mean to you. Or if you notice he is extra nervous around but not other girls - that would also be a decent sign that he might like you.

As for calling someone and not getting all nervous, just try to remember that if they do like you, they like you for being the normal you, so if you are worried about sounding cool on the phone (which makes you nervous) well then they aren't going to like that as much as they'd like the normal you. It might help if you have a friend there for moral support, but make sure YOU call them, and not your friend, because otherwise that is lame. Also, try to remember that the person you are calling on the phone is probably just as nervous.




hey Fern, tis' AG (though I'm sure you have already checked :P)

Ummm, I got demoted by the computer of few days ago and I have been answering questions like crazy to get back to the L1 spot. I'm finally a L1 again but I was wondering if its really necessary to post a thread in the mod discussion about getting my L2 privliges back.
(Indeed)

Nope, I took care of it for you.

WELCOME BACK YO




I am constantly insulted by my sister. Before, she would make fun of me, which I would just shrug off, but lately, its been getting to a point where I just feel like there is no point to anything. I cant even cry when she says things to me, I just shut down, and let her go on and on.

Like tonight, I walked into the living room, and she began to swear at me. She said that I am a psycho, and that she cannot wait for me to leave for school (college in the fall) because I am worthless. I have not even said anything to her at all at this point, I really don't know what I did.

What I really dont understand is how she will talk to me one night insultingly, and then the next day she wants me to go shopping with her.

I really dont understand it-if anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it

(Indeed)

The next time she goes off on a big verbal rant like that, turn around and calmly walk away. You've mentioned that you usually just sit there and take it, well stop doing that, because you don't have to. When you begin to calmly walk away, your sister will probably be cut off from her ranting and will question what you are doing. Then, you can tell her that you refuse to be subjected to her sudden mood changes any longer, and that you are not around simply to be the subject of her ridicule. More than likely she will be confused, because chances are, she doesn't realize what she is doing to you. You can then try to talk to her calmly (it is best not to yell and to say everything to her completely calm, because anything else will really just take the situation out of hand) and tell your sister what you've said in the question - that you are confused because she treats you horrible one night and not the next, and that you are not okay with the way she treats you and her subjecting you to her rollercoaster of emotions. If you feel like you are going to cry while you are telling her this, then cry, because there is no reason why you should have to hold back your emotions when she clearly does not do the same. Hopefully she'll see your point, and the next time she feels the need to suddenly burst out at you, she'll take a second and think about what she is doing to you when she does.




I'm a 16 yr old female. I've been trying my hardest to change my eating habits, but it's so hard! I've been trying to avoid junk food but it's really difficult, and I haven't been doing the best job. It's just so much easier to eat something bad for you. I buy all healthy food for myself but my family loves stuff thats bad for you, and I can't help but grab some junk food instead of an apple or soemthing. I need to start avoiding it but it's EVERYWHERE! Please give me some advice on how to ignore the temptation and become healthier! Thank you so much. I rate 5's! (Indeed)

Apparently, the worst thing you can do is tell yourself 'you can't have ANY of that because it is forbidden junk.' That just makes you want it more. Try for balance. Be conscious of what you eat, but don't tell yourself that one ice cream cone (as an example) is a big failure, because that just makes sticking to healthy eating so much more difficult. Don't avoid the food, you need to develop the ability to look at junk food and tell yourself that perhaps next time you'll have that, or that even, you would feel better about yourself if you passed on the junk-type food. You will never really suceed as being a genuine 'healthy eater' if you can't see junk food and have the ability to just say no, because it is all in your head. So, make sure you remind yourself not to make junk food 'forbidden' and that it is okay to eat something unhealthy once and a while, but you'll feel good about your eating habits if you can be around the junk food, knowing that it isn't something that you need.




ok well i have been going out with my boyfriend for about 9 months now and i really love him. he has only had sex with one girl. but many times. they broke up long be fore we got together. so just say i lost my virginity to him do you think he would have any kind of std from having sex with just that ONE other girl.?? like do u think theres a chance of him having an STD, from that one girl and then having sex with me and then all of a sudden i get it??? thanks i rate HIGHHH


ok first.

-this girl was a virgin and lost her virginity to him
-my boyfriend was a virgin and lost his virginity to her.
-so basically they lost there virginity to each other
-they used protection.
-i was a virgin and lost my virginity to him
-we used protection.

(ok this may sound gross but if your going to talk shit then dont bother writing)
-i made him take it out before he cummed if that helps anything.

(Indeed)

Zapreth is right, you should make an appointment to see a gynecologist, because although with your situation it is less likely that there are any issues with STD's, you still need to go just to be safe. Now that you are sexually active, your most healthy and wise decision would be to make visiting a gynecologist a regular thing. It is especially good to see that you used protection, as most young couples just tend to somehow completely 'forget' that.




can a girl get pregnate if the guy smokes alot of weed before they have sex? (Indeed)

Um, yes. There is no reason why smoking a lot of weed before having sex would reduce the chance of pregnancy.

So yes, definitely. The only sure way to reduce chances of pregnancy are contraceptives.




All hail FernGully, Queen of the Long Paragraphs!!!!!!!! (Indeed)

Damn right.




I recently started dating a guy with a very very close family. I am 22, he is 24, and still living with his parents while he saves up to buy a house. The problem is that I'm starting to see signs of his parents making too many decisions for his life.

First of all, he is christian, and quite religious. Me and him have made the decision to wait to have sex, at least for now. I think this is a personal decision that is between me and him.
He stays at my house sometimes, and has already slept in the same bed at me while staying at my mothers house, at my house, and at my sisters house. There is not a problem with this because we are both adults, and are very capable of making out own decisions.
But, recently he told me that he doesn't think he should stay at my house anymore because his parents are already getting suspicious. He has already told him that we're not having sex, but, apparently, they don't believe him, and are trying to stop anything from happening.

Another thing is that I'm planning a trip to Florida, and he really wants to go. He is allowed two weeks vacation from work, and would only need one week. The problem is that he works for his father. I would not see a problem if his father told him "I don't think I can give you the time off, because I need your help here" But, instead, he said "I don't think you should go because you need to save your money"
This guy is 24 and is capable of making his own decisions on where he sleeps at night and what he spends his own money on.

I'm wondering how I could make this clear to him, that it bothers me, without making it uncomfortable. I do not want to make things uncomfortable for me and his parents, him and his paretns, or me and him. Any advice would be much appreciated. (Indeed)

It sounds like his parents have made major decisions for him before, and now it is just the norm. He probably figures his parents cannot steer him wrong or even that living in their house means they still have control over his life. As for his parents assuming he is having sex, so he doesn't want to stay over any longer - I'm sure that if they figure you are already having sex, you won't just stop having sex if he no longer stays over somewhere with you. That is an issue his parents have, and I don't think him not staying over anymore will solve it anyways, so he shouldn't stop unless you decided you didn't want him to, etc. As for telling him this, just say, flat out, that not staying over at your house and such will not change how his parents think, and that you really don't want to stop spending that time with him just because his parents aren't sure of how to trust him. As for this trip, it sounds like he could really use the week away from his parents. Work out exactly how much it will cost him, or at least a good idea of how much it will cost. Then this guy can show this to his father and tell him that he works hard enough all year to deserve a break, and that he can clearly afford the cost, which I doubt is too excessive. I guess the only other thing I can suggest is that you suggest these things to him, but don't tell him what to do either, because it is clear that he has enough people trying to run his life already. If he decides not to take your advice, and listens to his parents, try to take into account that he still lives under their roof, and it is probably just second nature that he always listen to their advice, so go easy on him. When he has finally saved up the money to buy himself a house, I would hope that the independence he would then have would allow him to make lots of his own decisions and maybe let go of the idea that his parents are the final say or the best say.
Yay you rule.




im 15 me an my bf had sex on the last day of my period and he came in me but that was may 2 and its only been a week since and yesterday i took a pregnancy test and it showed up negative but do u think its to early to tell??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? (Indeed)

I suggest you wait another week, and then take another pregnancy test. Then look into contraceptives, because if you intend to have sex again, and don't intend to use condoms or look at getting on birth control, this kind of little crisis will become a normal thing.
After taking another test in another week, go see a doctor.




I think that my daughter (14) has been using drugs. She hasn't had it easy and I haven't really helped that. A few of my old boyfriends hurt her and violated her. I've stopped dating because of it she doesn't deserve that and I don't want that to ever happen to her again. Recently I've been noticing that she's been coming home after 10 (her curfue is 9) and she acts differently. I've tried talking to her and she says that she isn't doing anything and that she just loses track of time. I don't know what to do. I'm not a great mother but I'm trying as hard as I can. Does anyone know how I could talk to her about this or how I can help her if she really needs it?

I will a rate high to anyone who at least tries thank you ahead of time. (Indeed)

There really isn't too much in your question which would point to drugs necessarily. She could be telling you the whole truth and harping on her or accusing her of using drugs may only push her away from you. That doesn't mean that you simply allow her to break her curfew however, because that doesn't send the right message. You can talk to her and tell her that if she wants to reasonably discuss her curfew officially being lengthened to 10pm, then maybe you'll be willing to compromise. Let her know that if she is only willing to tell you where she will be and that you're ensured she's alright, that maybe you will let her have a little more freedom, because trust is important. I believe the key to staying informed in your daughter's life is not through accusations or assumptions about what she is doing, but a mutual feeling that if she needs to, she doesn't need to be afraid to come and talk to you. Make it clear to your daughter that despite the troubles in the past, she needs to sit down and talk to you, with yourself in a position as someone who understands and listens, without the looming idea that she is going to be punished if she tells you, for example, that she has done drugs. I think it would be better if she were able to talk to you calmly about the situation, so you can offer advice. In order to go about discussing this with her, you need her to come to you about the situation, I believe. I think you should approach your daughter, and let her know that 'should' she need someone to talk to, you will of course always be there, and she need not be afraid to simply have a discussion with you about life in general, then possibly leave her with this thought. The last thing you want is for it to seem as though you are prying into your daughter's life, because that will only push your relationship further apart. Remember, don't ever assume, let her come to you with her problems and make it clear to her that you will always try your best to understand her situation so that you can help her, because she is the most important part of your life.




We interrupt this program to bring you this important message:

*ahem*

Q.

Thank you for your time. We now return to your regularly scheduled bullshit. Enjoy. (Indeed)

Q to the extreme yo'.

Plus 7.3.

Yep.

Yours in Q,
Fern.




Dood. You give good advice. It's nice to have someone honest and respectable around here...and the fact that you are Canadian just floats my boat. (Indeed)

Hah boat floating. Awesome.




Holy Matrimony Batman - I need to go back up!
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