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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I met this boy in my history class. The teacher made us sit together for a project, and we hit it off almost immediately. I started having romantic feelings for him, but I later learned he has a girlfriend. Despite him being in a relationship, we have sexted each other on multiple ocassions, and even had sex. I've tried talking to him about multiple times, but every time we agree to back off, we both go back to this. I know the right thing to do would be to back off and keep it that way, but I love this attention I'm getting from him. No other boy has treated me like this before, amd I don't want it to stop. I know it's selfish, but I'm still struggling over what to do. Hia girlfriend doesn't know about me as far as I can tell. We're both in highschool if that helps anything. Thank you for the advice in advance!

Ah, you are in the middle of learning some moral lessons in life. Morals are lessons relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior and not just knowing something is wrong but exercising will power to actually do what you know is right. It seems you know what is wrong, so what is left is using sheer willpower to stop doing what you know is wrong.
You are learning that things that are wrong or bad are not always a clear cut thing to avoid due to how it feels good, looks, sounds good. This is your lesson. Yes, of course it feels good to receive attention from a male, to have verified how attractive you are as a female.

There is nothing more to stopping this than simply not doing it, no matter how much you keep wanting it. So I can't say it will help for you to know some possible reasons why you are drawn to him, what is actually going on with him having two girls in his life, and so on. So I will share a few things. They aren't in themselves things to make you want to stop having sex with him while he has a girlfriend but perhaps with the added knowledge, it will help you to stand firm and stop, even if he can't or doesn't want to.

First, when young girls start going through puberty is when a certain need arises, to receive positive affirmations from a male figure in her life or perhaps the kind of attention or love she receives is wrong because she doesn't see it as positive or it actually isn't good or positive. Sometimes there is no Dad in her life who is the most likely one but know that I do not speak of sexual attention, but verification that you are a pretty female, talented female, etc. I naturally began to want to spend more time in Dads presence, needed more bear hugs and craved his comments on talents such as my latest poems I shared with him, latest skill on guitar, or even getting his opinion of how the dress I choos for a school dance looked on me. It just meant more to have a Dad comment that I would indeed look pretty for all the boys rather than having my Mom, another female asy that. As a result, I had experienced positive attention and love from Dad so I never experienced with sex while in High school. I have read studies that conclude that females that don't recieve the right kind of attention from a male figure in her life, is going to look for it in sex. It may be true for all, but may not be for you, it's just the most common reason. See, having sex is a way that some females get that feeling of being loved, even when the guy may not love her. Sex for most males is about lust first, scratching that sexual itch with a female who is willing to let him do that. So why if he might not have sex with a girlfriend, does he come to you then? Pay attention, this is important. Another lesson for you to learn is that the majority of couples out there married or not, where one or both of them cheat on the other is actually for a reason. They are with the wrong person! I'll go back a bit to explain how someone can be wrong. A solid, happy rewarding relationship is built on two things, one being each others beat friend and the second being each others sexual equal. The goal is to find both in one person, not having the best friend in one person and the lover in other which unfortunately is the case with the majority of couples out there. Teens need to be taught info like this but it doesn't happen, or there would be more successful couples rather than divorces. Yes there are other reasons for breakups but this is the most common one. When I divorced a husband of 30 years since he was verbally abusive and getting worse and refusing Dr. help, I found that even grown men did not over their life learn that it is more than just the initial looks that attract that help keep a persons interest in you. For men, being visually stimulated as a trait in all except gay men, they react sexually, to a certain female. Yes, some want only the sex and will juggle as many females as they can who seem to be content with just the sex and not looking for more. This is bad as females have been training males without realising it that it is okay with them and it is acceptable for them to recieve only a part of him, not all of him as a person. We tend to accept lots off bad behavior and treatment, as I did too in my past with my first boyfriend who was my first husband. So, no I don't think you are a bad person for being in your situation, I was there too once. But I do think that if a person doesn't learn and choose to adopt a behavior change for the better, and sticking with your moral beliefs, then it is a waste of experience and unproductive if what you do means you do not make some character changes in yourself. If making such choices to ignore the lesson and continue doing what you know is wrong, only then do I feel that a person is doing something wrong. Many do what they know they shouldn't but just because they do doesn't mean you should.

Another thing against teens is that although their bodies have changed and matured into sexual beings, a part of their brain is not anywhere near being done growing and fully mature. I am speaking of the pre frontal cortex. You can look up reports on that part of brain in teens for all the details on the web, but basically it affects good decision making so it is a good thing for teens to try to learn from any bad decisions, not feel shamed by the fact they were learning from a situation that was a morally not right thing to do. So it is good that you have decided to reach out for advice. This is the best thing you can do throughout your early adult life, use the parents or other older adults as a sounding board for advice. Take in all the opinions, lessons, and shared info or knowledge to then make a better decision Before taking an action rather than after once you are in the middle of a mess. Right now, you are at the stage of reaching out for advice after the effect and the next step for you is to learn to do so before. I know talking about sex and your experiences are not something a teen would share with parents but the need is still there so you will need to have another adult who won't freak out but give you the words you need to hear.

You are in a tough part of life, the time when young males are more interested in getting their first sexual experience or finding a sex partner rather than being interested in a girls moral character.Eventually, as males grow older, they begin to be interested in finding a female they love not just for the sexual connection or her beauty which is skin deep, but for the unique beauty of her soul, her personality, her character.
Another help for you might be discovering there is a difference between a male saying they love you or a male being 'in love' with you. Humans use 'love' to describe something they like very strongly. SO a chocoholic may say, I love chocolate. Another says, I love Mexican food, or even I love my girlfriend but he may only love her looks and a few of her personality traits, often those that first caught a persons interest, like sound of their laugh, their sense of humor, etc. But more often that not, we can love certain people without being in love. That was the case when a counselor differentiated the two for my first husband and asked him if he was in love with me, not just loving certain aspects of my character. This would pertain to the friendship part of a relationship. The husband admitted he had never been in love with me at any point. So not only was he not my best friend, but the sex we had was just routine machine functions, taking care of that itch and anyone will do, not because I was someone who ignited his desire by simply looking at me, playing with my hair or simply listening to my voice as I talk as is the case with my 2nd husband. I learned what I did not like in a man and vowed to never settle for less than what I wanted, no matter how hot looking or rich a guy might be.

What you are teaching this young man is that women are willing to take any little scrap of attention they will give, even if they have no interest in committing to a relationship because they want all of you, inside and out. If you will do it and lets say he stops seeing both you and his girlfriend, he will continue to do the same because there are plenty of girls desperate enough to be able to say they have a boyfriend and will put up with less than ideal behavior from a male, including verbal or physical abuse. This happens for a great amount of teen females.

So, this all boils down to some thinking you need to do. If you are okay with just being the sex partner and don't want to learn something from this, then ignore all I've shared and keep seeing him. At some point, life will blow up in your face and you will be very hurt emotionally when treated as if you don't really matter to a guy.
Truly the best thing is to start with learning how to be a close friend to a guy you like and really spend the time learning from each other how the opposite sex thinks, reasons stuff out, and so on. It is very different. For example, males of all ages will not share something with their girlfriend or wife if he feels it might upset her, such as an unexpected bill in the mail, or that he developed a serious medical condition, and even if with the wrong girl, guys have trouble being honest and breaking up because they fear crying and hysterics in the female. So when keeping info from a female, its not a desire ti be dishonest or
shifty that compels them but a want to protect the feelings of the female. It stems from a mans natural instinct to want to protect. Women who misunderstand this will be very upset with their man. Women who do understand will thank them for caring about protecting their feelings but instruct that they wish to know in the future so that both can make decisions together as couples should if they are committed to each other, married or not. There is so much more I could talk about but this should be enough for you to understand maybe why you feel so much drawn to him, the difference between lust and love and what a whole healthy relationship truly is. I know as I've had the worst in the past and have the best now in my man.
If you still struggle and it feels like you are fighting yourself, like there are two of you inside of you, one wanting to keep up the sexting and sex and the other wanting the opposite, then I may have to explain to you about how ones subconcious mind can fight against your awake/conscious mind so that you are forever battling basically . . .yourself. No one else can be blamed, not even the boy who is cheating on his girlfriend. If thats the case, and you want to hear that as well, look up my name Dragonflymagic in advicegiver list and bring up my page. From there you can start a new qusetion, reguest directed just at me rather than going to all her on advicenators.

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How can jealousy be contagious or a disease?

I have never heard that. Of course, I am Grandma age so if you are younger, maybe it's something the younger generations say without really understanding jealousy or envy. Envy is often mistaken for jealousy too. So I can't say why you may have heard that. It could simply mean that friends talk among themselves, sharing how they feel and the coincidence of a friend recently feeling jealous and then yourself feeling jealous, one might think it is contagious. You know it isn't contagious nor a disease but it does have to do with a persons mental health as far as whether they have mostly healthy thoughts or suffer from negative and distorted thinking. What you see is distorted thinking. Jealousy is something internal where only the individual can fear a loss of something, like a job or someone like a boyfriend/girlfriend being stolen away. Therefore, if a friend is fearing losing a job, others can't catch that feeling like a disease because they are more likely to have other feelings about their job, being satisfied or happy with it. Envy is not fear of loss but wishing you have what some one else does.. . as in feeling envious of a friend whose parents are rich enough to get him/her a brand new car for their birthday.

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I notice along with my other coworkers how mean my female colleague is to my coworker. She says things like “he doesn’t know anything” “He never does his job” She also talked about his fashion and called him whiny. He never says anything to her about unless he does it in private? Also other coworkers have come to his defense and he doesn’t have anything to say . On the other hand, they laugh and joke with each other. I would say their friends outside of work. But why does she feel comfortable talking bad about her friend infront of people. People have already brought it up to her and her response is “he says mean too” It’s clear other people are saying something but she continues to insult him. I feel like he needs to have a private conversation with her about her behavior. Have you ever experienced something like this at your job? Should I just mind my business?

If he were a minor, not an adult, then it would be the parents job to see to his welfare and that he isn't picked on. Since I assume he is an adult, it is for him to decide if it bothers him or not and if it does, then it is up to him to go to the boss with the issue.

Without more elaboration, I'd aay its best to mind your own business. You are not his mother and he is not your non-adult child.

A boss will only see a problem exists if it is effecting the overall productivity of his/her entire department. So yes, name calling, back stabbing, insulting and such can cause an environment where half the workers or more are miserable due to the negativity going on and that effects how they feel coming to work every day and affects their concentration and ability to do their work.

So, if it is affecting you this way, then you can only go to your boss and make it about how you are being affected, not your male colleague. The boss doesn't need to hear you say whom they are treating badly verbally, just that if it is affecting your ability to work there. So you could tell your story without mentioning names and if the boss wants to know specifics, you can say, I will tell you as long as you don't share that I told you. I don't want things to be worse for me. An observing boss who really cares about the employees will at some point observe this behavior for himself. You didn't say it was affecting your productivity at work, only that you didn't like how they treated him. There will be many things you won't like in life especially as to how some people treat other people, but regulating and monitoring a persons morality is something that can't be done. What one person finds to be bad behavior is normal to others as they were raised in dysfunctional homes or it has been their own choice to act a certain way. About the only thing with society doing anything about those with really bad morals is when a person likes killing people for fun or stealing big stuff and of course, they are then removed from society by getting locked up in jail. No one tries to reform such people, even those who do petty wrong things.

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What does it mean?

Sounds like you have a wise person you hear from often in your life. However, you ask us to explain quotes and idioms all the time. I have never known someone to have so many needing explaining. I am betting you get these phrases from someone older than you, perhaps a parent, aunt uncle or grandparent. It really is best that you ask them what they mean. It seems many of these are tied to helping you make the steps necessary to move on with your adult life. No one says it easy but there is much wisdom in what this person or persons tell you. Just ask them to not use idioms or phrases as you are not quite sure exactly what they want you to compare their lesson or advice to in words you understand. It is good to learn new stuff. All I will say is that they want you to make good decisions and know you are at an important crossroads. So ask them to explain this to you. I am sure they can. Don't be afraid to ask, this is how we all learn, by asking when we don't understand. In your case, it seems you are hearing a lot of things you don't understand so you need to let the person know to speak more plain instead of cute easy phrases

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I have a week off of work next week for Christmas. At first I was really excited since I just moved to a new neighborhood and can’t wait to explore it but now I all of the sudden feel nervous. I’m nervous about being lonely. I’ve been feeling very lonely lately and wanting to spend time with people I love, who don’t have time for me. My best friend never has time for me. The man I’m in love with never has time for me. My mom never has time for me. All my other close friends live a long distance away. Yeah I could try and make friends but that’s hard, and it doesn’t make me feel that feeling I want to feel. That feeling of being in the presence of people who understand you, who you trust, and who you can relax with because you know them so well and you know you can be yourself and you just love them. It’s different from hanging out with a person you don’t know very well, which often makes me feel MORE lonely. I guess I’ll be spending yet another bunch of days all alone. Any tips for making the most of alone time? I honestly feel like I’m an expert at this at this point, but how do I get around the self-pity and all overall loneliness?

I know that Christmas can be depressing for some people because it is equated with spending time with and celebrating with those you love and who love you in return, basically family and friends.

However from your choice of words, I am getting a picture of you being an introvert, maybe some social anxiety so trouble making new friends. I also wonder if your world is more about how you feel rather than worrying about how others feel. My husband and I are spending Christmas day at a church kitchen cooking for the homeless and poor. It's the first time doing this and it doesn't bother us that it is not the traditional Christmas that most people are experiencing. We are homeless ourselves and money tight so instead of buying gifts as our way to focus on others rather than think of ourselves, we are giving of our times and services.

Being excited about being in a new neighborhood and wanting to explore it makes sense but what does not make sense is flipping to feeling nervous about it. Then nervous or anxious may be the word and worried you might end up lonely. I am no Psychologist but have read enough self help books so I can better share help with others. All I can say is that any psychologist reading this might believe that your feelings of anticipating what will happen and believing ahead of time that it will be bad, ending in loneliness is something called 'fortune telling' by professionals and it is not normal. A person broods over their distorted thoughts, thinking out whole scenerios of how something that hasn't happened yet will turn out. Maybe you did have a Christmas where no one got a chance to see you as they were too busy. That doesn't mean it will happen every Christmas. If it does, a healthier way to think would be to not focus on what you are lacking in your life but to focus on those less fortunate than you. I know a woman who told me yesterday that she had a tent she no longer used and noticed a homeless man and spoke to him asking if he'd like to have a tent, he said yes and she brought it to him the next day and her heart was filled with joy to hear him excitedly exclaim, "Oh my gosh, I have a home for Christmas, I have a home!" I am not saying there's anything wrong with thinking of yourself and wanting things for yourself. If you don't have health care, get your hands on some self help psychology books. I can recommend anything by Dr. David D. Burns. He now trains other psychologists and writes for the average person to improve their thinking. It would be best for you to see a professional who can spend enough time with you to discover what exactly needs tweaking in your thinking. Most all peoples problems start with faulty thinking and believe me, most people all do this at some point or another, even me. The thing is, lots of us are good at catching ourselves thinking something negative or distorted and catch ourselves and tell ourselves we are not going to think that and verbally replace that thought with some kind of positive thought. So it is normal for this to happen. However if a person focus's only on negative thoughts all the time, nothing good or happy to think about or focus the mind on doing, then a person can become depressed and it sounds like you may be.
You did say the man you are in love with never has time for you. You did not say that you were in a relationship with him and that he loved you in return. For all I know, you may be just crushing on a male friend who has no idea of how you feel. He may not feel romantic chemistry for you, but if he does, there's no way to know unless you approach the guy and ask, "We do great as friends, so I was wondering how we'd do as more than friends. What do you think?" You can't expect a man who may not realize you exist,and have feelings for him, to read your mind and just know this if this is the case for you. I am watching your choice of words. You did not say My boyfriend or my fiancee or my husband.

So all I can say is spend your time focusing on what you can do for others, get in to see a doctor or start reading books if you can't. However if you feel suicidal due to your depression if that is whats going on, then you need to call the Suicide hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

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Im so in love with the higher boss then she just took a leave of absence to have a baby. when she comes back how do I proceed Im so excited around her.Ima man horney and married!

There is love and there is lust and men often confuse one with the other. They are not the same. However in using the word 'love' we describe how much we like something such as a favorite dessert. I love chocolate ice-cream. This would mean there is an aspect of that dessert I like . . .maybe I like creamy desserts, cold ones or am a chocoholic. Love and being in Love also are not one and the same. So I hate to say this because I am sure it will upset you but you are being led by your thoughts and feelings, allowing your subconscious to rule your awake life. The subconscious minds (SM) job is many. It keeps you blinking eyes, taking your next breath so you don't have to be mindful of those things. It takes over running everything while you are asleep.It keeps track of what you seem interested in, meaning what thoughts mostly occupy your conscious mind. It doesn't differentiate whether it is lawful or unlawful, good or bad, a good decision or could hurt you. It simply starts to flood your mind with thoughts of her, giving you more of what it thinks you want, even though she has a bf or husband since she's pregnant and you are married.

There is nothing wrong with sex and I am no prude but there are some things that need to be considered.

You say you are horney. So what? Every adult on the planet feels that at some point or another. Just because we feel it, does not mean we have to find a way to make it happen with a certain person. There is something called self control. You use it to keep your junk in your pants.
If she is not single, and you are not single, you hace no business going after her. So as to how to proceed, think hard about whether you want to be married anymore. If there are problems such as she no longer wants sex, one or both no longer feel desire for each other, but may still love each other as best friends, it is time to see a marriage counselor. This should straighten out your thinking to find what the real issue is and whether it can be fixed or not. Your wife needs to know and be given a choice to work on saving your marriage or mutually agreeing to end it. Yes, a divorce after counseling may still hurt but it won't be as painful as how she'd feel if betrayed by you sleeping with the boss or other women in time to come. Sure if you just don't give a crap about her feelings and don't care if she is hurt, then she deserves to get a divorce from you becaues not only do you think only of yourself but that is what is called being selfish, not thinking of how what you say or do will affect others, including your wife. So the only proceeding I recommend is talking to the wife, letting her know the thoughts you struggle with and whether or not you go to counseling or she decides on divorce, then once single you can do what you want. I can't regulate morality, that of your self or even if the boss was open to affairs. It may be you have a fetish for pregnant women. Let the fetish stay in your mind and not be played out in reality. If this is the issue, then make an account on Second Life on line, create an avatar and spend time explring this fetish there where you are not taking advantage of others in real life and destroying their lives.

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When I asked my new boyfriend how much he missed me he replied from the earth to the moon so what does that mean by saying “from the earth to the moon?”
Thanks all

You really have to learn to ask what a person means when they say something that you don't understand. You probably checked the internet for those words and didn't see them. They resemble idioms, something we use in English language and heres a link with examples. https://examples.yourdictionary.com/idiom.html

It can't be found under idioms becaues he made it up but that doesn't make it meaningless. I can make one up too. If I was in Arizona on one of those 120 degree days and someone asked me if I was feeling Hot enough in a teasing manner. I could make up an idiom to say how hot I was like "I am as hot as a turtle stranded on a concrete sidewalk. Or I am hot enough to fry an egg on. Yes its silly or funny in many cases or it can convery how important or serious they mean something.
So in your case the distance from the earth to the moon is a great or big distance. So he was comparing how much he missed you as being greatly missed. You did not ask 'did you miss me' but 'how much . . . and so he had to make up a measurement.

So now here is another couple ways it could have been said just for example sake so you start to understand how to use these expressions, the already common ones or what you make up. If my hubby who loves sushi asked me "how much did you miss me, I could answer, "I missed you as much as a sushi roll without seaweed." If you know what sushi rolls are, it helps to figure out what this meant. Sushi has some fish, a tiny slice of cucumber, rice, wrapped up in seaweed to hold it together. One could not make sushi rolls without seaweed, it would be incomplete. So what I could be meaning by that is that I felt incomplete as a person without him around. I could say I missed you from here to Italy, again meaning greatly as that is meant to convey as great distance. Remember you started it by asking How much, so he was simply answering and telling you how much.

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"Being everything but happy for someone when they share good news is a real sign of internal conflict. catch yourself when you’re getting around to that and pump the brakes."

I will make characters in a mini story to help you see what it means. Sara is the one being told this by a counselor in college. She went home for the Holidays to spend Christmas with her family. She is the oldest and has a sister Megan who is younger. Megan surprises them all by bringing along another person, a male, introduces him as her fiancee.
Sara is shocked. Sara is in her last year of college and though guys have talked with her, no one has wanted to date her. She's never had a boyfriend. Her sister is turning 19 and is engaged? Mom and Dad are excited. Instead of being happy for Megan, Sara says everything but Congratulations, "I thought you said you would never marry young and wait until you finish college...what happened to that idea?" Sara gathers steam to continue, "You guys just said you've only known each other one year. You don't know each other well enough. YOu could be jumping from the frying pan into the fire! Heck Peter, you even told us you left your job. You mentioned a conflict of interests but how can you support my sister without a job. Do you walk away from all your jobs, finding excuses? Megan, do you really think he is all that reliable?
You can feel sorry for Sara just hearing her feel bad for herself and lash out with all sorts of feelings and nasty comments instead of being happy. But if you didn't really know Sara well, you might not know that she has issues and always has. Ever since her sister was born, she felt she had to compete and do better or do something first to keep herself in her parents hearts as their favorite child. She has always had self esteem issues and everyone in the family knows she is selfish but she doesn't think she is. Sara's need to compete with Megan her self esteem and selfishness are the internal conflict and the stuff she said was the sign that those things might exist in her and her life.

To catch yourself, means stopping yourself before you start saying and acting anything but happy and allowing yourself to feel terrible. The speaker may not even know this, but it is important to monotor our thoughts and if they are unhealthy, negative, etc a person should start looking deeper inside themselves to check why there might be reason for them to have these thoughts. Our emotions are linked to our subconscious mind. What ever we think about, our subconscious feels must be important and brings you more of these thoughts whether good or bad. PUmp the brakes means taking an action to stop your car or in this case, yourself, stopping yourself before you get started down the wrong track. Once you dwell on negative distorted thoughts, the subconscious supplies emotions to go along with the thoughts, postive emotions like happiness for good thoughts and jealousy, envy, anger from negative thoughts.

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I’m finding myself increasingly annoyed at my best friend and I don’t want to be because it’s not fair to her. I’m annoyed because she is almost never free and “booking a time slot” to hang out with her is often near impossible. She can only spend time with me on the rare occasion she is available which is usually a very specific window of time. We are both quite driven and focused on our future careers. The difference between us seems to be that I need my best friend and she doesn’t. She spends most of her time doing work and spending time with her family. Her family still rules her life (having to set aside an entire weekend for your aunt’s birthday??) but I admit it’s not fair for me to judge her or say she should live her life differently. I just find it somewhat condescending and self-important that she has zero time for friendships. She’s not a celebrity. She’s not working a high powered job. She is busy, as am I. But she also PILES things on her plate to purposely be busy and as we know, that’s not the secret to success. I’m just starting to find it all a bit flippant and uncaring. If my feelings of annoyance are selfish and wrong tell me and please help me find a way to work through them in a kind, nurturing way.

Think about how you need her hon. That is important because if it is simply because you are very social and miss spending time with her. If you have things in your life that are difficult for example where you need someone to talk to and get suggestions, and pretty much, you don't feel like a whole person and are relying on her to fill in those spots for you, that is not a healthy relationsnip. I don't think this is what you meant but I have to add it in case thats true because I have read many times on meeting your mate, that one needs to be whole before they seek a partner. A partner is not meant to be ones crutch or enabler and it wears on any relationship.

It may be just that you both are busy and she is on a different path now, not all the same activities and stuff to do that you both used to do together.
This happens for many after HS. You have a close friend and think it will be forever. But it happened to me too. My best friend moved with her Dad who had custody when he divorced and he took her to another state aa a young teen. Later she married, had kids, and worked several jobs, you know the usual for any person. And we lost touch. But time we found each other on Facebook, both of us had been walking such a different path with different life experiences that we no longer had the same interests, beleived the same things, and so on. I found there truly was little to talk about other than updates on our children or our siblings and thats it. It may not happen for you
If she is married, her first concern will be her husband and home and kids or future kids and that can take up most of ones attention and energy. I know this isn't helping other than to let you know this is normal. There isn't a solution to this ss far as I know other than acceptance of a change you don't like and moving on with your life, making new friends

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My instructor wrote that in my evaluation that I would become a great nurse and told me not to limit myself. What exactly does this mean?

You might ask him exactly what is he warning you to not limit yourself on.
It could be different things like once you have your degree, not looking for just one type of nursing related job which would be limiting yourself but open to all positions that require a nursing degree. I know for example that working in a caregiving situation going to homes of people who have severe health issues or are paralyzed and need someone to take shift turns being present. Some procedures are only what nuraes can do, and not a regualar caregiver as I was, who would cook and clean, get them someething they need etc. This is my best guess but your instructor may have had something else in mind. I know you may feel embarrased about asking later but all you have to say is that you have been thinking about what he said about not limiting yourself and you didn't want to assume one thing when he meant it differently. Also, next time someone says something you are not sure what they meant, it is not that you are dumb or will come across as such, a good about of people are not clear when they speak to others with giving examples automatically of what they meant so they can't be misunderstood. So its not really on you dear, but others who just don't make themselves clear. So you ask, 'could you please give me some examples of what you mean?" I do this all the time and am never left wondering about something a person said.

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I’m 20, female and from the UK.

So for the last few years, my mental health has been going downhill, along with my self esteem and confidence. I tend to overthink a lot, to the point where I plan ahead for every possible situation (even the weird and unlikely ones). I’ve never been great in social situations but I don’t know what to do about it anymore. It started with me just being awkward socially, then after failed attempts to improve I started to dread talking to people I barely know. Now there are times where I will start to panic uncontrollably and have to hide in the bathroom until it’s over before going back into the social situation. I can’t live like this anymore and end up just hiding in my bedroom for multiple days per week. I really want to do something about it, but talking to someone irl isn’t an option (long story). What is some good advice you recommend that doesn’t require telling someone about the situation?

You say advice that doesn't require telling someone about the situation, and no one on here is a mental health professional plus you are telling someone, you are telling us. I think you mean, you want advice so you don't have to go to a professional mental health person. I can relate to your problems because I used to be shy and had bad social ansiety, low self confidence, esteem and I overcame it all without seeing a mental health professional. I did do lots of reading on the subject.

You may be afraid to see a professional because of the typical shrink portrayed on TV. I have to agree that just talking about it does not help the majority of people or they get put on meds first without trying other meds. I had a friend loan me a book by Dr David D Burns and this man speaks of a way to work with people to really try something called CBT Cognitive behavioral therapy. Long after I overcame my social anxiety, I came across this information and it happens to be exactly the same advice I got in prayer God gave me only one step at a time and now I am a chatterbox and usually the first to talk to people. I will share how I did that by pasting a doc. in. If truly your issues are due to distorted thinking which it sounds like, that and panic attacks, then what Davide Burns hsa in info on his site should help. Here is that link: https://feelinggood.com/

Please go look at the books he has written. You might want to order them at your local bookstore or see first if the library has them. I found one of his books at the libkrary. I would recommend "When Panic Attacks" and "Ten Days to self Esteem"

As for the info on getting better in social situations, here is how to start working on that.

I used to be so shy I wouldn't get up to use the pencil sharpener in grade school because I didn't want the other kids to stare at me. I refused to do book reports for fear of speaking in front of the class. So my grades would suffer. In contrast, my dad was a very friendly extroverted person and always bringing home new friends he had made. Us kids liked it cus these “uncles” would bring candy for us and many had accents from around the world with lots of interesting stories too.

It took until I was about 17 before I decided I was sick and tired of being so shy. I didn't have the guts to just switch behavior and start talking. Strange how I never thought to talk to my dad about that and get help from him. So I prayed and asked God for help (He knows each of us better than anyone )
and here's the answers I got. It sure helped me and I know it will help you. You can skip any steps you already have mastered.
None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.

1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.

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So there is this girl I like but she is a junior and I am a sophomore and I really want to walk up and talk to her but she always walking with people or sometimes tbh I’m just nervous. Plus I have overbite and my teeth are kinda crooked and I have been rejected before because of this reason. She talks to a lot of guys and I don’t know if I can stand out, I’m not shy in fact I’m like the polar opposite. I don’t even have a phone so I wouldn’t be able to text her outside of school. Any advice?

While it is important to be attracted to a persons looks and you have concern here, that isn't the only thing that can win a persons interest in you. There's an anonymous quote that starts with "Touch a womans mind and you get her interest..." I believe that is a good way to go. When someone asks you, What are your interests? it is pretty easy to answer, right, your hobbies, collections you have, favorite sport, your hopes, dreams, whether you like any kind of animals, and so on. All these things are not going to be of interest as well to another person, especially a female. But friendship is the best place to start. If a female is going to be turned off by your looks, then either you try and try til you find one to whom it doesn't matter or start with building a friendship and once you are close friends with a female, if there have been romantic feelings for her, you ask "Since we're doing so well as friends, it makes me wonder how well we'd do as more than friends, what do you think?" That line gives her a chance to confirm she'd like to try, if she already has feelings without having to feel embarassed to admit it or she would say, no it wouldn't work, I don't have those kinds of feelings for you. You know she is comfortable talking to guys. So listen in to what she is talking about with others and if you have anything to say to add to the convo, politely say, I couldn't help but here what you were saying, and launch into what was being talked about. This advice is for grown men in a you tube video I watched. It is on how to approach and start a conversation or enter the conversation. Even if its a group of females only and they are discussing the latest chick flick. If you have read previews, had a sister or Mon who saw it and their comments to share about it, then this is your chance to join a conversation.

Trying to win over a girl in HS is kinda hard to begin with and relationships don't always last long. A matter of months or only for a year. In comparison to your lifetime, trying to win the one you like doesn't mean you necessarily are going to be the one who she is attracted to, at least deeper than skin level.

I know this may sound corny but if HS males were to study how to be attractive personality wise, no matter their looks, then by just demonstrating this, they will attract females who like their actions and don't mind the looks.

Let me tell you that as a female who married at 20 and the man was verbally abusive until I left 30 yrs later, I know what it feels like to not be appreciated by a man. I had the good looking man but not good character or personality. So I wanted to find a new husband with what I wanted most, to be treated like a Queen, cherished and seeing in his eyes and his actions that I am the one who rocks his world, only me, no one else. And guess what, I found it. He looks good enough to me but I can tell you right now that many women would not even look at him twice because he is a bit overweight and very hairy all over his body. Some women hate tons of body hair. I don't mind, my Dad was hairy so its normal to see a man like that. He did have long hair which I like. He wrote me in a dating site and was truthful, saying he wasn't really tall, but not short either, overweight and hairy 'so you may not be interested' but I wrote him back and we met and found we had so much in common but what won me over is his being consistant in his behaviors. A guy can be extra nice, courteous, polite at first and as soon as he thinks he'ss got her interest, he stops and goes back to who he truly is. So a girl sees sweet behavior followed by him acting impatient with her and finally yelling. My second husband and I have been together 9 1/2 years and in that time, he has never yelled at me, cut me down, spoke condenscendingly to me in public, humiliated me on purpose, and so on. He is the kind of man that if he looked like a male model, he'd have females flocking to him for the rest of his life. I know all you want is to talk to her. But I am trying to impress on you that at your age, now is the time to start learning what will attract females besides looks. Looking at most facebook pages, most females of all ages seem to post what interests them and that seems to be videos of recipes and how to make, cute baby stuff, cute anilmals and stuff about pets, any video of special things someone did for another, whether to surprise them on a special occasion or a free service they do to help other people. This is what catches females interest. In HS this may not work yet but by college and older, women seem to like anything that is touchy- feely, meaning its cute, sweet, wonderful and touches their heart. So if a guy. Since I don't know the girl, I can't tell you what to try to talk about with her, not having any idea what her interests are. She may be a nice girl but she may also by snobbish below the surface and brush you off no matter how hard you try and it doesn't look good if a male is always trying to hang around a girl who will never like him but may use him to get something she wants and act sweet as if she is now interested in you just to get the answers to test questions. Don't fall for that. If trying to talk and start a friendship with her, I know you will be disappointed but there are plenty of fish in the sea, so to speak, which means you will have a chance to meet a girl you really like on the inside and outside. So what do you do in the meanwhile? Read books on the subject, watch videos on how to win over women. Women love a guy who knows how to cook something other than cheese and macaroni, I am talking more complicated stuff like a Thai food, or making enchilada's. So there's always the chance to study recipes, watch cooking shows, or even take a class. It won't help you now but after HS, you will be happy you can impress women with making a meal for them. They also are impressed with a guy who dresses clean, not wearing ragged or stained or baggy clothes, I don't care if the trend is still to wear pants around their mid thigh with boxers showing, women are visually stimulated too and I have heard adult women talk about the newest male employee as having a cute butt that fill his jeans well. They want to see a guys physique. They love romantic gestures so if she is into nature, gardening, she most likely will want a live plant compared to cut roses that are going to whither and die soon. It can help to know the names of the most common flowers and be able to converse about that. They like having a man use manners, like opening a door for them, offer to help carry something, pulling out a chair for them etc. So taking a class on learning proper manners is helpful to impress later. Knowing some basic ballroom dancing is also romantic. I took only a little bit of classes. Hubby wouldn't dance much so I got a dance partner for classes. I found a friend of ours liked to dance. He'd taken tons of dance lessons. What I discovered in dancing with him is that it feels special to be held by guy in dancing. YOu don't get that in dancing the modern separate way. I have seen couples do a variation of ballroom couple dancing to rock and roll songs. As soon as the guy like the one I knew was extremely good at leading, all I had to do was be able to follow his lead, not knowing any of a particular dance, and he was able to make me look good and it was lots of fun. A girl who absolutely won't dance of course won't be thrilled or impressed by you dancing with her like that but the majority will be. This is the kind of stuff I have heard adult women say they wished their boyfriend or husband was like when another shared about their guy being like this, romantic, organized, takes pride in his appearance, the part you can work with, your hair, your smile and what you wear, able to cook and not afraid of cleaning up. So if at a party with family friends for example, you go ask the hostess if you can help her gather dishes to take to the kitchen, maybe even insist on helping dry dishes if she washes. and she has a son or daughter in school with you, she will be saying something to her child about how sweet and wonderful you are. The word of this will be shared at school. IF a boy, the guys will be snickering and teasing and think of you as a nerd. Any girls whose interest is attracting by overhearing and asking who will be certain to be keeping an eye on you. If a girl, again, she may or may not get it but she will certainly be sharing it with her girlfriends and word will get out. My husband is always looking to how he can help a female in need although I am top on the list and he will always be helping me first. If you can learn to be like this, women fall over their feet to be near a guy like this. As I said, he isn't male model material and we are older but he still gets women staring and observing him because of how polite he is, he uses Ma'm and My lady to address females, my self included when we met, now I am honey or sweetheart. LOL. The widow next door whom we were visiting on her deck, had a clothes line that had come down and was just laying there. He promised to come back later and put it up for her and he did. SHe didn't ask. He is always on the looking how he can be kind and helpful like letting the female in line behind us go first if she has less than us, even commenting on her necklace or earrings if he senses she is a female who has been unloved all her life and doesn't recieve compliments. I am usually with him and women seem to be able to tell he's not hitting on them and I remember one saying her daughter gave her that necklace for her birthday and I mentioned that she had a very special daughter to get her something so pretty. The woman was beaming with happiness, same as when my husband compliment any jewelry even art work on her nail. that is safer than complimenting her hair, makeup, or her outfit as those seem to click with women as a man having ogled her. I hope this long explanation gives you something you want to work towards and it doesnt't take long to pay off. Study, watch other couples too, even older couples, if the man is saying or doing something that makes an older adlut woman giggle like a school girl, then it's something to take note of.

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Hello!

So, I need some advice on how to determine my feelings for two people. These two people are girls (I am a guy, 16), and they are both in the category that I consider romantic interest. I'll try to be brief, but it's important to know the context. The most important bit is the last paragraph and the 2 questions after.

The first (we'll call her Cat) was my first romantic interest ever. I met her in my Freshman year of High School, and I adored everything about her. Cat was a distant friend the first Semester because we didn't have any classes together, but she became a very close friend in the second Semester up to the point that we "dated" for about a month. I use those quotes because we never actually said that we were dating. I screwed up pretty hard with her because I didn't know how to communicate and was not confident or proud of myself. We ended our "relationship" almost entirely and remained at a distance from doing too much together despite agreeing to be friends.

Fast forward to this year, I am a Sophmore in High School who is a very different person than last year. Over the summer, I detached myself from Cat and decided that I would do everything I could to improve my image to myself alone, which was a great success. It just so happens that within the first month of school, a popular yet divisive Freshman (we'll call her Fox) fell for me in a Theatre class. I fell for her too, but I was able to navigate our relationship to success; we've been dating without a label (but highly inferred) for the past 3-4 months.

The problem is this: even though I thought our relationship was over, I think Cat is interested in me again. She's started to talk to me in a friendly manner (the way she did when we met), presented open body language, and she even has a new job at a cafe that only I ever go to. I'm almost sure that she knows Fox and I are dating, so I'm not sure why she's doing what she's doing.

However, I still kinda have a thing for Cat. She was my first romantic interest that only failed because of my shortcomings. In opposition to that, I still like Fox too; we're only growing closer as time goes on, which is something that I couldn't experience with Cat. I'm not sure about my feelings for either of them anymore.

How do I determine my feelings for them both?

How should I carry on?

This will be long but a simple short answer will not train with with a skill you need for life in how to go about dating, who to choose, etc.

You know, it may not be shortcomings as much as it is about a new phase in life, interest in girls and dating after going through puberty. There is no instruction manual with all the explanations to figure out the opposite sex and understand when a behavior is a common trait in almost all of people of one sex or the other. So yes, often guys will say or do something that makes logical sense to them but females hate it thinking it was something done due to deep down hateful or uncaring attitudes. Females will drive males crazy always wondering what they mean or what to expect from a females behavior, or that their feelings can flip on a dime practically.
So it is important to have the friend factor in there. Not friends as in being classmates, friendly to each other when meeting in certain places together but real friendship, which many folks do not have any idea any more what it is. They even call enemies friends just because they know of them. A true friend cares about you, will support you, not tear you down, is someone who will keep your secrets, who will look out for you and your best interests, is always there for you, is someone you can count on when you need a helping hand, builds you up with compliments, and just loves to hang out with you.
I say it is best to start as friends and then move into the romance part after giving the friendship a chance to gel. The only difference between just friends and dating partner or a marriage is that there is romantic chemistry. This chemistry isn't available in all people or is lots weaker in some so you can't just pair up with someone and have chemistry with everyone who is interested in you and likewise you won't feel this chemistry with all females. When I mention chemistry, I am not talking solely of lust which is different from love. Females tend to wan to skip friendship and go straight to romance with guys. I was only friends with guys in HS, never dated til after HS. I spent time trying to understand guys well and even that was not enough. I still made a mistake and married the wrong person for me at a young age.

As for Cat, it is possible she has questions in her mind if things could have turned out. One month is not much of a chance to become friends if not something more. You may even wonder the same. When you have a casual friend, you may have them for a year. A very close friend though is someone you've hung with for way more than a year, usually 2 or more years. Since you didn't even have 6 months to a year with Cat, you and her never really got a chance to see if things would work out between you.
Now on the other hand, I am going to take a guess that in theater class, you and her were acting, practising roles. So if she fell for you and you for her, it certainly wasn't the friendship and personalitys you both fell for. You both were attracted at the very least to a person because of a role they were acting or how they portrayed that role, which may not even come clsoe to resembling who you are at core. At least this is a possibility to think of. Most likely, at this age group, it is teens falling for each other only because of one half of the equation, just how attractive they look. Maybe the smile, laugh and how the voice sounds but that is usually all there is to the attraction. Don't get me wrong, it is important to be attracted to a persons looks. A woman who is asked to marry a guy is going to expect him to only be interested in her looks, no matter how they may change over the years. See, the eventual end result of couples getting together is sex and lust, or sex and love. When love is missing, I mean being in love with, then it is too easy to toss someone aside if you are not in love with the complete package, inside and out. Why am I telling you this? YOu only wanted to know which one to choose and concentrate on or wether to just be friends with both or something else.
Well, I can tell you that it is best to start practicing and learning what I will share next abut how to find the right girl for you. Its not just about having a date and having fun. You can also be learning things along the way that will help you in the future when you are ready for a long term partner or marriage. Yes, thats a long way off but its actually a good idea to do what I will share with you now. It will help you in deciding which female is best for you. Always, you date and if you find things you don't like about a behavior or characteristic of a girl, then you move on and never settle for less, each person you date should be an improvement. There will be things you didn't realize were important to you such as her being more like you if you are quiet and she's quiet or you're a chatterbox and she is as well. Being opposites on this, will kill interest pretty quick.
So here is what I did after a divorce to find a new mate. It worked tremendously and I am very happy. You can use aspects of what I share in this document I paste in to help you decide what girls to date now. If you guessed wrong, then you break up and check out the other one to see if you could be interested. This info works for males as well although this doc is addressed to female who ask this question more often than males. SO just think the opposite if it says he when it should mean she for you. Here it is:

I went through this search in my late forties after an almost 30 yr marriage to a man who was never in love with me, verbally abusive and not my sexual match. I was ready to finally find Mr Right and what I believe I heard while praying, is that I had to make several lists and refine them as I went along.

First, how well do you know yourself? I used a dating site 2nd time around. It worked for me to find my true love. However, to fill out a profile for yourself, or to really describe yourself in a convo in person, your personality and who you are at core, is hard to do, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesn't work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may be promising. This is not just those met online but any you meet in person as you're out and about. They will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. At least, hopefully they will, if not, they may not recognize that you are the one for him and that is too bad for him. You want a guy who sees the real you inside too and will know he wants you, the whole package. You'll need this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.

So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same?

I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grandkids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.

Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenerios, you will be drawing on this list to make a specific list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.

Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy can't meet your criteria, can't meet your Must Haves and wants you to lower your standard for them and they don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isn't afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick it up but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didn't smoke, it was from his son who uses the car but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn' t matter. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. Sticking with your needs, not lowering standards, helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....

Do not worry that this is extreme. In fact it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, a woman who will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the model types in looks in a test case study.

The other list is the what you want, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself in case you find several guys who meet all the critieria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.
So here is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers to me, but if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. This list is things you would like to see but if you don't get them, you can live without it, for the rest of your life.

I promise, these lists will help. You'll also refine it or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something important you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. It is okay to give examples if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of 'boyfriend.' Obviously, you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid.
Hope this helps you. This is a lot said and yet there is so much more detail to share. So ask me if you have questions.

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I work at a fairly small company and there's this one girl who is super loud and everyone always talks about her when she's either off or even just walked out of the room.
They say that she's lazy and clingy, and it happens every single day and even on private group chats. I don't join in because I feel like it's nasty but I hate how bitchy people are. Is this something I could raise with a manager or will that make them turn on me?

I am not sure I am clear on what you feel is nasty, the fact the girl is obnoxious and loud, or if its true that she is lazy and doesn't do her share of the work, or whether you have no issue with her but don't like how people talk about her behind her back.
It may or may not be important to your boss to have all his employees like each other well enough to treat each other with respect and care so that together you all work better. Some companies, even small ones are interested in trying stuff to help workers gel together and boost moral by having them all participate in some off work site fun activity together such as a picnic, playing a team game together. This is up to your boss to decide if he wants to do and this may help.

But since all of you are adults, no adult wants to or likes being corrected. Yes, how they behave is not the best way to be. If they are like that with her, likely they do the same with many others. If you do not participate with them and you go tell the boss, it will be obvious that you were the one who said something. This is something you can't regulate, trying to force a person to behave better if it is not hurting the amount of work getting done. As soon as the bitchy attitudes and talking behind her back does affect productivity greatly, it then becomes an issue the boss needs to be aware of. However just because only you are disturbed and its affecting your work is probably not good enough, the productivity of all the workers would have to be affected by how they are behaving, not getting enough done. Just talking bad or hehind someones back is not classified as bullying. They would have to be doing things to her, saying such stuff to her face for it to be considered bullying and then, yes, you should report bullying done to you or anyone else who may be too afraid to report it.
There is a chance the super loud girl talks loud becasue she has some undetected hearing problems, hearing loss. People talking louder is common in the elderly whose hearing is starting to get worse and so we tend to talk louder when it sounds to our ears that can't hear as well, that we are still talking in a normal tone when we aren't. I have talked too loud at times and hubby tells me, he has done the same. I know plenty of older people or younger ones with hearing issues who do this. It could be a bad habit or something that happened to them due to whatever in their past caused them to have speech issues such as loud talking, stuttering or clamming up and getting nervous, whispering all their speech, etc....

The best thing is to try first to talk to them. I don't know many people in their 40s or older who would pick on a person because of their looks or a behavior trait. I people watch and never see older adults talk bad about someone, tease with intent to hurt or embarrass them, etc. This is behavior more often seen in those 30s and younger and often enough not even in those past mid thirties. So they were not raised well or were defiant against their parents. You can't change them but may be able to get them to regulate how they behave at work. Say something about how disruptive the atmosphere of the workplace is when they verbalize how they feel about this girl. You would appreciate it if they just keep their feelings and thoghts to themselves. This isn't asking them to change their behavior. You are making it about you and that you have trouble concentrating on your work when you are hearing them talk about her behind her back if this is really all that is happening. YOu know they probably to do the same about you. Eventually you will get to an age where you no longer give a damn what other people say or think of you whether to your face or behind your back. I used to have issues and fear about what others thought of me. By time I got into my forties, I no longer cared and I love how free that feels. Just do your best being a good example. If you have talked to them and it continues and bothers you or it gets worse, at least you have tried to best way first. Only then would I say something to the boss. If he/she is not a person of great morals either, your boss may not get it and think of you as a problem maker. If they do get it, that it is affecting your concentration or the moral of the place when knowing most the people there would stab you or the other girl in the back if they could, that is something the boss would want to know. Just let the boss know before you start that you want this to be anonymous and that they not reveal you as the one who said something. All they have to agree to is telling their staff that they themselves have caught some of them saying stuff or behaving in such manners that are not acceptable to him/her.

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He is very annoying to me sometimes. He is very stubborn but very funny at some points. Sometimes he may or may not impress me. He is an athletic person but also a bit smart. He sometimes looks at me and catches him looking at me. I don’t if he is trying to make me jealous by hanging out with a lot he f girls. He is also a bit popular. Also I am 12 and in 7 th grade.

Young males and grown men all have certain characteristics that are mostly related to their gender. Throughout history, a male of a younger age who was interested in a girl would be annoying. It seems counter productive to annoy someone you are interested in befriending and maybe dating at some point but yeah, guys tend to do this, not all but a good amount of them. It is seen even in earlier grades. I had a daughter once in second grade complain of a boy who pestered her all day long cus he sat at the same table. I talked to his older brother, asking to follow them home and meet the parents. I told them the kids were struggling with being friendly and more annoyed at each other and asked if I could visit a while with my daughter. The kids saw us gorwnups getting along so they went off to play and after that were great friends at school, so much so that they were teased by all the others of being BF ad GF which was not the case, just classmate friends.

Now here is something else about guys of any age. If they are not interested in a girl for at least a friendship if not more, then they will not risk paying her any attention, good or bad, and certainly won't look at or stare at her because they fear a girl they are not interested in at all, feeling encouraged by their attention or stares and actually approaching him and maybe asking him out. Guys are also very afraid of having to deal with saying no and getting a girl so upset she cries or becomes vindictive. So they usually decide to desire a female from a far and not make a move but their actions show they have some interest.
Don't feel its a bad thing if guy is only interested in friendship at this point because I can explain why it is an excellent thing. Friendship is also part of what successful marriages have. They are best friends and also have the one thing that just friends don't have, the romantic connection, or chemistry as I call it. I know that girls tend to want to skip over the friendship part and go straight to dating and romance. Of course many guys will cooperate and try this because it is the only option girls are giving them. Some males though would rather start slow and start with friendship. At your age, there is much to learn about how the opposite sex thinks, reasons things, comes to conclusions, what prompts them to take certain actions and believe me, it is so foreign to how females would do it, and in fact to this day, does not make sense to me at all. But understanding by learning through friendship that something is a bred into a males instincts of how he acts and thinks, gives you a way to know how to handle it without becoming upset and thinking he is unreasonable or stupid, or getting mad at him for something that is second nature to him. So I recommend starting with friendship. Guys are more likely to not feel threatened becoming a friend rather than going straight to the dating thing. I have heard from the few teen girls who get this and are the only accepted female friend in a group of guy friends of 4 to 7 guys on the average. Those who wrote in had more than one eventually become interested in dating her and thats what these girls wrote in about.
He could possibly be paying attention to other girls by hanging around them to see if the girl he is truly interested in reacts in jealousy to that. Most young people feel this is a good way to figure out that someone like them. However, too many on both sides are good at hiding their feelings.
SO what I suggest in this case is finding an opportunity to talk to him about class or anything in common to the situation you both are in, like if a field trip was coming up, asking what he thinks of it. Try to get a short convo going so that after it, you can say to him, "I really enjoyed talking to you and would like to do that again. Lets trade numbers so we can chat and maybe hang out as friends. If the signs he has been giving are signs of interest, maybe only as much as having a chance to get to know your personality to see if he likes you enough as a person to even keep as a friend, then you would think theres a good chance he will respond to a chance to get to know you, especially if you are not giving any signs of desperately wanting a boyfriend. Sure young males are into anything sex since going through puberty and many try to find their luck getting a girl who will let them explore, using her. Even one who is supposedly just a friend may think about asking or just make the moves but when we are young, stepping into the romance and sex realm too early can change the dynamics of a relationship so much that friendship goes out the window and a guy only wants you for sex. It won't be till he is anywhere from 25 to 30 rhat he really wakes up and realizes a female can be his best friend and sex partner and that he wants only her in his life forever. SO now is the time to learn and explore friendship which can turn into dating. Once you've been hanging as friends a while, if both of you are still interested in each other, the line you use them to possibly move forward is, "We are doing so well as good friends, that its made me wonder how we would do if we tried being more than friends. What do you think?" What you just said was acknowledge getting along well as friends, and you are wondering, not that you are romantically interested already. So he wont feel pressure and is more likely to answer truthfully. But you must state your thought, and then don't forget to ask him what he thinks. This is his chance to say, 'NO, I don't have those kinds of feelings for you, just friendship so it wouldn't work." or he might say its sounds like a good idea and he's willing to try if he does feel interested in you that way.

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I can't find a job. I even applied to the ones that said you must have 6 months to a year experience. I only have my classroom and hospital externship experience. The externship was only 2 weeks. I'm looking for part time phlebotomist jobs because I'm still in school. How do I convince someone to hire me?

The problem may be that you are still in school. If a position needs to be filled asap and you are not available due to the schedules conflicting, no one is going to want to promise you a part or full time job once you graduate.

There is a chance the market is swamped with people with degrees for that work but not enough jobs are available. It doesn't matter that you've been told that anything related to the medical field is a good job bet because medical field is booming. One of my daughters was told that, went to school to become a doctors assistant in a clinic and became to look for work when she graduated 5 to 6 years ago. She found absolutely nothing. She tried volunteering to get some experience without pay. That was hard too and she ended up only finding a chiropracter who heard about it and wanted her for free to do office work, nothing related to her degree. SHe'd kept in touch with her classmates and at least half or more of the class were also unable to find a job position. So all I can recommend is try for a while to find part time, and if nothing comes of it, offer to work part time for free if they will allow you to use them for reference on job experience. This is how some jobs worked out in history, a person wanting to become a "whatever the job was" would go to the person already doing that kind of work, or had such a business and ask if they could apprentice with them. There is something about apprenticeship on line. Here is a link. I cheched the fields they have apprenticeship for and 'healthcare' is listed.

https://www.dol.gov/apprenticeship/

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I have this “friend” that every time we have an exam she’s always asking me questions like “what does this mean” or “did you study this” she’ll even go as far as to ask “where is our exam located?” It’s starting to piss me off at first I was fine with it but it seems the only time she texts me is if she needs help, sometimes I’d message her about anything and she’d either end the convo early or she’d see it and not respond. However, once it’s exam time or assignment time my phone is buzzing with her asking for help. When I ask for help she doesn’t know or she says “just ask the teacher it’s common sense” but if I said that to her she’d be pissed. Last year during exam time there was this one girl, I ended up redirecting all my “friends” questions to her cause I couldn’t answer them and guess what? That girl ended up blocking both of us on whatsapp that’s to show you how much she bothers people. Any tips on how I can deal with it? I don’t want to be rude but it’s just getting on my nerves now if I can figure it out myself she should be able to too

Well, if you've already tried suggesting she asks teacher and she gets mad, I suppose you could always say "I don't know the answer, I guess I better ask the teacher" even if you do know it. Just say I don't know to every one of her questions.

If she still doesn't stop asking you or it occurs to her that this is your way of blowing her off, and says you are lying you can then admit it and say Yes, I was lying, would you care to know why?

Then tell her the truth, that you find her to only need you when it is exam time, otherwise, she is a friend you never hear from. You don't want to hurt her feelings but there is no way to hint that she stops pestering you for study and test help. Either she is truly having trouble not understanding, has some learning disablity or even a mental issue that makes it hard for her, or she may just be lazy and doing other stuff, not paying attention, etc. and if you or anyone else bails her out, that is called 'enabling her' helping her to remain stuck where she's at without learning to make changes in her behavior.

Another option is to tell her that if she asks you again for help and won't go to the teacher for help, then you will go to the teacher and let them know she needs help. No matter what you say or do, she will react by becoming upset or angry with you. That is something you can't avoid if she is the one trying to avoid dealing with whatever her issues are. She is happier remaining oblivious, not thinking too hard about what needs doing better, etc. When you won't cooperate, she knows her wanting to remain as she is without change for the better, is being threatened so she gets mad but remember, it isn't you being mean or such, she is actually the one with the problem. I had an ex like that. I know how it works.

I am guessing you haven't actually suggested she ask the teacher due to worry over her reaction. But it has to be done, she must be confronted in this way since she is someone you can't just get upk and walk away from, due to being in the same class. You could always block her. But if she contacts you in person, then you'd have to say something and tell her, I suggeset you go ask the teacher for help. If you ever ask me for help again, I will go tell the teacher you need lots of help so she/he can help you. Yeah, she won't like it as you are challenging her to do school some way other than she feels is acceptable. What she is doing however is not acceptable.
When it comes to talking to the teacher, you let the teacher know how often she is asking you for help, give lots of examples. Let teacher know you have suggested she ask them for help but she won't. You don't know if its a learning disorder or her not applying herself but something is very wrong and you'd like for the teacher to approach her and check into it to see what is up and maybe suggest she stop asking you or other students for help. It is the teachers responsibility to deal with it once advised of it. If they don't, go to their boss, the principle with it because you shouldn't have to deal with being pestered for help. If she gets the help or answers without having studied or understood, then passing a test doesn't mean she knows anything. The purpose of a test is to know if you are understanding and getting it, whatever you are studying. So to help someone who doesn't understand or is too lazy, simply makes their situation worse. Remember, it isn't rude to come out and make it clear if she doesn't pick up on hints or gets angry when you suggest her asking the teacher. The best thing is to not play games with her, lying or such, just make sure you've simply told her that if she does not understand or feels lost with the material, that she needs to ask the teacher. That way you can tell the teacher you suggested that but she didn't go ask. Also, I am guessing this person is not really a 'friend'. We meet co workers, classmates and such people are acquaintences but that does not make them a friend. A friend would not use you when its only convenient for them but not want to be a friend at other times. That is definitely not a friend.

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hello, So i'm 25 F. I was in a relationship for about 5 years. A very happy one until it got a little toxic by the end. I started dating someone new. For about 5 months and we ended things on good terms. It was a mutual breakup. My ex of 5 years wanted to meet up and talk once I was single and the convo started off really bad but by the end of the night we were laughing grabbed dinner and coffee and sat in the car talking for hours which is exactly what we used to do when we were dating. Recently we were hanging out and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. Now this became a routine. thing once or twice a week, he calls me all the time to see how my day is going, we grab dinner... Although he keeps saying we are friends with "benefits" when i went to an event with someone the next day he was asking a whole lot of questions for someone who always says he doesnt care about what I do. That same day i sent him a text letting him know that although this is all that it us between us I do still love him despite what he thinks. He texted me back saying my words dont match my actions. When literally that same night i was out, so was he and he kept posting all these pics with other girls when i never did that. So I guess my question is.. What shoud i do? Should I just move on and leave it as is, and I dont really understand his thought process. Because we arent dating but it almost feels like we are. Help pleasee

I will start with addressing things you said as you wrote them. You said it started Happy and ended Toxic. That is a very big difference. The only reason most people could make such a big switch is pressures outside the relationship, stress of some thing or event that happened in his life that made him go off track of who he usually is, and even then, I don't think it could be labeled toxic. However your idea of what is Toxic versus what I experienced in first marriage that truly was toxic, may be different. I don't need to know the gritty details, but without some kind of idea with examples of how he used to be and what he was like in the end, I can't really be sure when giving you my thoughts or advice.
I will say this, it is very possible that what you thought was happy in the beginning, wasn't the most healthy relationship, with issues laying just beneath the surface where you couldn't see them. Or in my case, when I married at 20, I had no life experience by which to compare his behaviors. What didn't occur to me back then as potential problems, Looking back, I know I had plenty of Red flags, warning as to his true nature. In 5 years, a person should be able to see consistancy of good behavior. An example would be if he says he is a person who is slow to anger and never yells, then you would never have seen that pop up periodically or him mysteriously change his true nature at the end to something toxic. I am thinking that whatever issues he has, there may not have been the perfect situation until later to draw those issues, and distorted thinking and behavior out of him. What I am trying to say hon, is that without some kind of reason, like a time bomb inside of him (behavior wise) waiting to explode, you would not have seen a healthy, happy relationship change so drastically.
So you dated a new person 5 months but stopped. I have no idea why, only it ended on good terms. Was it his heart longing for someone from before or perhaps your heart still having a thing for the 5 yr BF? I know nothing here. If you can end on friendly terms, the wisest guess I can make is that neither of you felt the kind of chemistry that makes the one big difference between a Romantic relationship and a friend relationship. Yes, that makes sense but I know it doesn't take 5 months, let alone 1 month to discover. When finally divorce from 1st husband and dating again, I used dating sites and those who sounded promising on line, I arranged to meet in person asap at a coffee shop. Why waste 6 mon to a yr chatting on line before meeting to find out that there is no chemistry. I will explain what chemistry is to me. I believe it is the most perfect match of pheromones between two people so they feel strong sexual attraction of each other. There is also a weak connection or none. I shot for strong attraction. One guy met me for dinner, when we met in the lobby of the restaurant and were immediately seated, we both felt nothing at all and both spoke at once saying almost the same thing like "This is not going to work, is it?" I good way to judge when there is absolutely not even a tiny bit of chemistry is when a romantic kiss feels icky like you just got it from a male relative, Dad, brother, uncle...it would feel gross. So so mediocre chemistry is when the kiss feels okay but you aren't hot for and needing and wanting the guy in your life sexually. Too many marriages are just this kind of chemistry and end up with one tiring of sex as it is no longer mind blowing and the other still wanting it so they go out and get it elsewhere.
Since your ex wanted to meet up with you after you left, if you are the one who initiated the breakup, it says he didn't want to give you up and had not gotten over you and hearing you were single again gave him hope. He would start slow, just be friends and reassure you it was nothing more than friendship with benefits. But if this is so, then he is really wanting the whole relationship thing again. And without any intervention to fix what caused him to go toxic, it will eventually come back.

If he is the one who initiated the break up, it could mean he felt something wasn't right, that maybe you too didn't have enough in common to make a real long term or life long commitment work. He may have questioned whether he even loved you or was in love with you. Men can lust for a woman as far a sex goes, but lust should not be confused with love, it is NOT the same thing. I am married and I feel the love from my 2nd husband, and also feel the lust when he can't get enough of me, is ogling me during the day, and just the look in his eyes says he is mentally undressing me already. That is lust dear.So lets say, since he hadn't met anyone, that he still wants to but doesn't like being alone, most people who had a relationship feel naked without a partner, uncomfortable, empty handed so to them, its a feeling of wanting to fill that empty spot. If he knows he is not the right person for you and he is the one who broke up, unless he has changed his mind and gone from toxic to being in love with you, then he is most likely using you to fill that empty spot for now in his life, the companionship and the sex, until he finds a girlfriend at which point he will most likely break off even the friendship because what female is okay with dating a guy who remains best friends with an ex and sees her on a regular basis...that just rarely ever happens where it is okay.
So if he seemed comfortable with you and by the end of the night you both were laughing and having a good time, it was because he is a known quantity to you and you to him. Why do people buy jeans that have been stone washed to look like and feel like an old pair of jeans? Because the old ones are way more comfortable than a new pair. Its may be a bad example but it is also true in relationships, it is scary sometimes, and uncomfortable going through the stages of a new partner and breaking them in so to speak like a pair of jeans so you can become comfortable with the over time. He and you probably felt comfortable to each other. I know what I am talking about because after the divorce, I dated a guy a short time, it didn't work out, I met others to date, no one stuck and after 18 months had gone by, he called up and wanted to meet and the friend with benefits things started. He was comfortable but not without issues. I knew I could handle them for a short while and I was in need of an apt so he said we should become roommates. We did. He was likely doing the thing of she's someone for now but he may have had ideas of making me his for good, even though I wouldn't go there. I was divorced, almost 50, and knew he wasn't the kind of man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I made it clear we were only friends. However when I had a date who came over to pick me up, he introduced himself as a friend and room mate and my date was understanding, and also totally bamboozled by my male friend who tried to make friends with him and suggested we all go out to dinner together. Well, he was a controlling person and took over that date, drinking excessively during the dinner and was stinking drunk when we got back. I only had a slight chance to whisper I was sorry to my date as the roommate went ahead to open the door. I had a talk with the roommate and told him as a roommate and acquaintance/friend, not even a close friend, he had no right to suggest or try to direct my life. That was my decision. He secretly moved out days later leaving me with a place i could not afford on my own. This and other such things are what gives me experience to speak on this subject and make my best guesses with what you did say.

So there is a chance that if once toxic and now having issues when you go out on a date with someone, he is jealous, acting too weirdly curious for now but may become controlling in behavior very soon. He may feel threatened if he was thinking of having you as his girlfriend again, even if he denies that. Guys aren't dumb you know. They won't share things that might spook a female or make her feel concern or get her upset. They will also tell her things that they feel she is ready to hear, even if its not how they feel, and will lie and say they love you when they do not.
Then again, there are males who have no idea what love really is. Some are as confused on the love/lust differences, same as females and may feel lust and so they say I love you.

So when your guy says in response to your comment that you love him, he said your words don't match your actions. A man who was simple a friend, no benefits because there is no such chemistry between him and the female, a man such as that would not ever be confused and accuse you of not really loving him, because he understands that there are many kinds of love, love for family, friends such as he, and romantic love such as in a married couple. So the fact that he feels your words don't match your actions, means he is referring to another guy going to an event with you as the action that goes against the words I love you which would only apply if you were in a committed relationship, engaged or married, neither of which he is with you. So little does he know that he just gave himself away. He let out something that tells you exactly where he stands no matter what else he says to assure you that you both are just friends. He wants to claim you as just his, belonging to him only, whether by your choice or by any force or subterfuge of his.
If he went out the same night you did and posted pics of him with other girls or just other girls, he was trying to make you jealous. After all, you were one in a relationship, so in his mind, you and he don't equal 'friends' because he has the experience of both of you being more than friends. He is only going to see you as personal girlfriend material and saying he can be friends with benefits is something he can't do and may not even be able to personally see in himself.

From my experience, a dating relationship that did not work for whatever reason, won't work suddenly as friends only, the chemistry there is for a romantic relationship so it can never be friends with benefits.
Lots of guys will agree to that however hoping that in time they can change your mind or you will change your mind and fall in love.
I will state this again--chemistry is the difference between friendship versus romantic relationship with a man. If it's not there and never has been, he can easily be just a friend and would never make moves on you. He simply would no feel compelled to or even want to.

Since there was enough chemistry for both of you for five years, he was just lying to himself, you or both when he thought he could be just friends. That or he really has no clue due to lack of life experience yet or not having read enough books on male female relationships, the do's and don'ts and how to spot and handle the differences between how the sexes act, reason things, and how they articulate stuff.
So I am saying that there is NO way that he and you could be in a friends spot if he ever felt something like chemistry for you in the past.
I will share one more thing. Before I met my husband, I was approached by a guy who said he only wanted friendship. He saw me on the dating site. I refused at first. But he explained he had taken a teaching job in that state and was from a place similar to where I used to live, we had some things in common and other than other teachers, he had no friends yet in this area, as he'd recently started his position. SO I gave in, we met and had fun hanging out as friends. HOwever, fairly quickly as time went on, he must have fallen for me, I certainly saw the desire in his eyes one day and he hadn't said a thing or made a move but by my age, I knev what a guys eyes could change to look like if he was feeling sexual desire for you. I said, "No, no no no no." He asks innocently what? And I said, we are only friends but your eyes are saying something else, that you want to be sex partners as well, thats not going to happen. He didn't argue with me and respected my boundaries even though his face told a different story. Make he learned how to hide it, or I began to feel comfortable with him as a friend, and being divorced with many months since the last time I had sex, I was going crazy, I am very sexual and wanted sex. So one day I surprised him by saying, I had decided we could be friends with benefits. He went for it. He met someone else finally at the same time I met a guy I starting dating and we broke off seeing each other totally.
Then when family issues called me back to my home state, and his dating had ended as well as mine, he wanted to see me one last time. He never said anything to let me know that he'd fallen in love with me. The chemistry was felt by him but never ever with me for him. I was simply comfortable enough knowing I could trust him to even consider being so vulnerable as being someones sex partner. When I commented on how glum he was acting he only said, "YOu should realize why by now." I thought he meant because I was leaving and he was going to miss me as a friend. However once back home, I kept in touch on Facebook and at first he wrote but then abruptly stopped after a month or two. When I asked what was up, He said he had loved me. He had even had hopes of marrying me. He truly wanted a woman to marry and settle down with because before the year was over, I was surprised to see wedding photos posted of him with a wife. So my experience is that friends with benefits can work is there is no real strong chemistry/desire for sex with ones friend. If just one person for some reason isn't in touch with their feelings or is lying or pretending for whatever reason that they feel no chemistry but can be friends with benefits even though they have had desire before and maybe have now, then it wlll not work. This is all I can say without knowing what issues drove you apart and whether those are issues that can be addressed in couple counseling or whether the differences or issues or serious enough that there really is no way it can work or should work.
With out knowing the whole story, I still feet it is best that you no longer see him if you know you don't want to spend the rest of your life with him as your mate and father to your children some day.

We've ruled out him being able to be a friend or FWB, and that leaves a romantic relationship as the only possibility. Romantic but with toxic tones can go either way, some people can be helped with seeing a mental health specialist/counselor for any issues that are toxic to the relationship as long as they willing admit they have a problem and are decicated to getting help and overcoming those issues. If theres a chance this is the situation you have and you love him as more than a FWB, then you both should consider getting help.
If however it is like my situation where a retired counselor friend told my husband he needed to see a psychologist or he may risk losing me, he actually went. But he only went to fool me into staying with him simply cus he was going to see a Dr. hoping I'd see this as a good thing as stay with him. However I heard him telling a friend on the phone that the only reason he was going was to keep me, not becuase he has a problem because he claimed he didn't have those problems so he was only going to pretend in effort to fool me. Did he think I was an idiot and wouldn't see that he wasn't making an effort to treat me better? The ex counselor friend when I told him, sat down with my husband and asked if he was in love with me. He didn't answer and only complained how terrible I was. The man asked again, the husband said he loved me for being the mother of his children. That was not an answer either. So the man told him, love for certain aspects of a person and being in love with a person are not the same thing. So finally my husband admitted he had never been in love with me. While that explained a lot about his behavior and treatment of me, I knew then that it was over, this marriage could not go on. I wanted a man who was in love with me and I found that in my second husband. Its only by all the tough stuff I lived through and experienced that I learned what to look for and to not be intimidated to ask for what I wanted, no matter how many guys said I was unreasonable. They felt that way because they knew they couldn't meet my criteria. Decide exactly what you want in a guy and what things if present in a man is a deal breaker for you no matter how well off he is or how hot looking he is. YOu have already made yourself clear with your ex/FWB but he isn't accepting that. It could be another trait that some males have, something they unconsciously do without being aware of it for a while, where they will pretend to be friends, ask for more, like friends with benefits which in a shrewd way is getting exactly what a man had before, the friendship and the sex. But that doesn't mean there is necessarily love for the woman. So if she begins to hang with another man, no matter what he said, in his mind as a male he has fooled himself into thinking a believing his female friend is a woman who is in love with him and in a committed relationship with him and this all only because men can be territorial over women. If any man comes nears his woman flirting, he will become distressed or angry. I said, 'his woman' whether the female wants to be or not or feels that way herself that she belongs to him. Some males have to be the alpha male, the leader, the one who gets first choice on everything, the others do not horn in and attempt to take anything away from the alpha. So he may be seeing this as other guys horning in and attempting to take you away from him which they can't do if you are just a friend. So somewhere in his mind he is mixed up or he could be a controller and those types never have lasting relationships because of their disorder.

Hopefully you understand his distorted but actual thought processes now. I agree it is best for you to walk away from him and cut off all contact, even on media.

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So long story short I had this friend and we had a Snapchat streak. Then she goes on her Snapchat story saying “she’s done and shes leaving social media and ending all streaks” so I messaged her and asked what was wrong and she said she doesn’t wanna talk about it and I told her I’m here if she needs anything she said “Ik” so literally 30 mins later she goes back on social media and posts like she didn’t have a mental breakdown. She also killed our streak, but the next day she sent me a snap so I was confused and just opened it then sent her one back and then she stopped sending me them. So it made me to think she sent that by accident and that she’s actually still doing streaks but ended it with me. I also noticed she’s friends again with this guy she had a fight with and part of the reason why they fought was because of something I didn’t even tell him but was involved in what she did. I messaged her asking her what I should do on my bday she said “idk I’ll talk to you later I gtg” she used to never have to leave convos so quickly. I think it’s jusy affecting me because Snapchat is how I stay in touch with her now that she ended the streak it’s like she doesn’t care.

Well, from what you said, I am pretty sure there's nothing you've done on Snapchat or what you wrote that made her act like this. In the convo you said you're there if she needs anything. The fact that she didn't close all down and went back on line means she is not sure of what she wants to do. That and stress are common things to make a person come across making irrational decisions, not keeping to what they said. Another thing is that she may not want you to see something she does that she feels you won't approve of or worse, talk to her and try to give advice when its not asked for. So I agree with the other advice giver that it looks like she is distancing herself. When a friend starts to do this, all you can do is give them the distance they want. Even if she if offended or mad at you for a reason imagined and made up in her head (that happened with 3 of my family members to me) all you can do is give her space. Periodically down the road, you text a hello, was just thinking of you, nothing else. This lets her know you're not made and willing to stay in touch or become as you were before. In my case it took months or almost a year with one family member before they willing began to talk and keep in touch, however with no explanation or apologies at all. YOu may have to expect this too, especially if she is confused, stressed, undergoing some change in life that she feels others may not approve of. She may end up going so far down a dark path that she never reaches out to you again. All you can do is pray for her, don't buy her, let her be. It is hard, I know. There is no way to make an unwilling person to be a close friend, same as it goes for couple relationships, you can't make an unwilling, uninterested person want you all of a sudden. There is no way because we are all born having free will and some use their will to resist things like a good friendship. So I suggest more like once a week, just writing her a note on line or however. If no response, take it to once a month. If she closes out all media she is on, then you have no choice.
A good true friend will confide in their close friend, even when they don't see eye to eye on things, as long as both feel they can share whats on their mind without fear of humiliation, betrayal, being put down, having a different choice or plan shared when they didn't ask for help or advice. So apparently she either doesn't feel safe that way with you, and it doesn't have to be your fault, or she had changed as a personality quite a lot recently so that she really doesn't feel anything in common with you to remain friends. This actually does happen quite often. A gal I was close to in School I am no longer close to. It doesn't matter that we had our own families and lived states apart, but I grew and changed so much as a person that I no longer had the same things in common with her and could not share freely of the things that interested me now because I knew she wouldn't approve. If I just hinted at reading books on some of these hobbies or interests as a way to feel where she was at, she was alarmed already. Nothing bad hon, just the usual things that people disagree on like politics, religion and what a good relationship is, divorce, etc. In the meanwhile, don't wait around for her to respond back. Find a new friend to add in to people you like who treat you well in return.

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Hi I'm a 22 year old female. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now, we just had our first baby too. She's 5 months so we moved very fast as you can tell. Faster than I expected (or wanted) and we live together as well. I don't know if it was the pressure/stress from having a baby or from getting into a very committed relationship but I just don't feel the same anymore.
When we initially started talking, I hadn't dated anyone in years. I wanted to put myself out there again and ended up meeting him. It was fun and I was enjoying the relationship but obviously things became very serious once I got pregnant. It became a little stressful, and then moving in with him was a big adjustment too. It's all been a bit overwhelming which made me become a little distanced.
We haven't been intimate in many months (I lost count) and I know he wants to very bad. Lack of intimacy is a daily discussion. I understand he has needs and I use to try and go along with it but at this point it just feels wrong to go along when I know I'm just not into it and I wouldn't enjoy it.
I have love for him and forever will, he's the father of my child. I just don't want to be in a relationship if i'm unhappy. I want to raise my daughter in a happy home with good surroundings even if that means being separate.
He doesn't know all of this exactly but he can tell i'm not as affectionate obviously.
So should I say something? Am I giving up too fast? Maybe it's a postpartum thing, but I just truly feel like I might've fallen out of love. It's scary, I just want to make the right decision/move.

Thank you for reading, looking forward to your advice. God Bless.

My first thoughts also were some kind of post partum thing. Depression is common and seeing a therapist could rule that out and I agree to see a Dr. to rule out a medical reason, something simple like being low on something your body needs.
I will say that in my life, I have met many many women who know they were not depressed after having a child or two or three. Some saw Drs. but they simply were no longer interested. No one ever talks about the 'other' reason because it's hard to discover if a person doesn't have full knowledge of how things work in relationships. I am sure you would agree that it is important to not only be best of friends with your partner but both have a wonderful close sex life and continued desire for each other.
In the women who stopped having sex after they had a child or several kids, they simply did not feel desire for sex, not because they did not need it, but because they didn't feel it with their partner. I have know a few fairly closely and it wasn't any depression although I had one daughter experience depression after the birth of her first child and confided it immediately to me so we got her in to a Dr. for help.

I am doing the math and it's been 15 months you've been with the boyfriend. Take away the 5 months age and the 9 months in utero and that means you got pregnant a month after meeting him. You mention pression back then from getting into a committed relationship so I want to first go over only 2 commitments there can be.
The two are not the best choice for each other (may know it but may nit yet) but now that a baby is on the way, they are committed to that baby, both being there for baby. That kind of commitment lacks the commitment to each other first, a commitment of wanting to be with each other life long because they are so deeply in love, not just love some aspects of the person as you might love the same in a friend.

The other commitment is what I just described, in love with each other, as both friends and sex partners. One month of dating under your belt was not enough to explore whether the both of you were a perfect fit for each other.

There is another thing that misleads couples thinking they are perfect for each other and they may be, but on only one of those two parts of a solid foundation for a committed relationship, one being the friendship part and loving them as a friend, but the sexual desire and want to have sex, and have a vibrant fulfilling sex life as well. This is called NRE and I will explain soon. You have only half the equation because you do not desire him that way and as you said, you try to go along with it but you're doing it more for him than because you want or enjoy it. Marriages like this end in divorce when a couple being best friends only, have one or both cheat on the other to get their sexual needs taken care of elsewhere. Some still want to stay together because they love each other as best friends and as long as they get their sex taken care of with other partners, they are happy.

NRE stands for New Relationship energy. It is a real thing. The closest I can explain using something other than a relationship is being a child at Christmas who has begged for a certain toy, has dreamed of it and is so excited when they get it. Sometimes a toy held your interest indefinitely, while others only did for a short while but it wore off when the excitement of having it wore off. This happens most often in relationships. NRE doesn't last forever. I think it exists to help people have a chance of meeting the right person, but people feel this energy which is that heightened feeling of joy, a head in the clouds experience and seeing your world and this person through rose colored glasses. So we assume that this means we are in love and I assume that is what was happening still when you discovered you were pregnant so it seemed like a good idea to stay together as a couple who loved each other, then the NRE wore off at some point but maybe not as fast due to the changes of pregnancy, I can't be certain on that. But eventually, you were no longer feeling that extra excited feeling around him or the head in the clouds in love feeling or no more desire to have sex with him because it was out of this world wonderful. After a while of not having sex, a females systems can go asleep. And she will have absolutely no desire for orgasms, even on her own with masturbation. This isn't gone forever and can be reawakened when she meets the right man for a sex partner. As long as she stays with the one who does not make her body respond this way, her sex drive will reman dormant. So many women think this is a normal thing to experiene later in a relationship or after having kids but it is not normal. So I do suggest going to counseling together where it's more likely to discover if there is something other than not having the chemistry to be each others best sex partner. It doesn't hurt to have a general checkup and mention what you are experiencing. But if you are not depressed, then it is more like something along the lines of what I shared.

By the way, one partner can feel there is chemistry while the other does not, or it has worn off, in which case, the chemistry was never there for that one or both. Many people also confuse the love of some of the characteristics of a person, which one can love in a friend too, as meaning they are in love.
Love and in love are not the same thing. With my second husband I have found not only my best friend but the best most exciting and fulfilling sex partner ever and it keeps getting better with more new experiences in sex as time goes on. We're in our 10th year together. We are both in love. We are both about 60. So we really appreciate having that special someone but know that as we grow older, eventually the time will come when one of us passes. Both of us know if and when that happens, that the remaining partner will not have a desire to live anymore when the other is gone. It's like losing a part of you, an arm or leg and would take a great adjustment. The more in love, the harder it is for a partner to carry on alone. If it feels fairly easy to think of leaving someone, and knowing you won't miss them so devastatingly, then you may just love but not be in love with. YOu stated you have love for him. YOu need to discover what kind of love it is you feel for him. A therapist can help if you can't figure that one out on your own. I have given you enough info though to figure it out for sure on your own.

I know that if you are sure you do not love him that your choices are to part, remain friends and allow him visiting rights and he pays child support or to stay with him and never have a sex life for the rest of your life, with him going out and having sex on the side since you don't want to.
One more thing to think about is that your child learns things from observing its parents. It learns to reach for things, how to clap, kiss, wave, and on and on from watching the parents. It is also watching when you are not trying to demonstrate something like how to clap. A child will take in the behaviours of the parents and assume that is normal as it has nothing else to compare it to. So a child is learning that parents co habitate but aren't necessarily in love, never kissing or give loving touches during the day. It is not something to keep hidden from kids. Yeah they shouldn't be watching you have sex but seeing each other show love toward the other is normal. My oldest as a little child got excited one day after growing up seeing us cuddle and kiss. I had Christmas candlesticks in holder but they were too big for the cancles. I wrapped some tissue to take up space, yet one candle was leaning, crossing across the candle next to it, "Look Mommy, the candles are kissing, just like you and Daddy!"

I really tried but he was verbally abusive to me, not them and so they grew up taking this in as well. As adults now, I see how that impacted them in negative ways. My youngest choice a man as bad as her dad, just in different ways. The middle daughter wants to remain in control so she avoids having a boyfriend who might be controlling and mean. So she choose wimpy males who have no backbone and let her call the shots and lead them around, always telling them what to do. She doesn't want to ever marry or have kids. The oldest could decide what a good man was, she left the first, left the second but is staying with the third who is probably a sociopath due to his behavior and what I learned from his mom of his Behaviors growing up and actions of his birth father. Yeah, this is probably worst case scenerio but anything less than a normal loving relationship is what your child will learn if you think that staying together is best for the child. I know too late now that it is not best. I know from talking to adults who figured out the problems they have as an adult stem from observing and copying their parents when young. And some not by their own observations but those who saw professionals.
You should not sacrifice your happiness and the future of your child by staying if all other possibilities of problems are ruled out and its down to lacking desire and love for him in a sexual way. Friendship love isn't good enough. YOu are still young and have 50 plus years of great sex to have with the right partner. I am not saying he is a bad person. There are many men I met while dating after a divorce, who were really nice and I liked them very much as friends, maybe some I admired greatly but there was no chemistry, no sexual desire for them. I learned quickly to at least give a goodbye kiss on the fist meet up/date to see if I felt anything I might not have felt already conversation wise. In conversation, the words keep flowing on both sides. Not saying times of quiet is a bad sign. But if i have trouble keeping a conversation going, answers were short instead of experiencing a real interest in each other where we are leaning toward each other, totally focused on the other and can't wait to add to what they are talking about, that's a good sign something may be up. The kiss however is really telling. I have kissed guys who responded with a romantic kiss that felt gross like I was getting it from a male relative. I have kissed others with whom I felt those wonderful feelings one should feel if being kissed by someone with enough chemistry to make the relationship work.

My second husband is different in a way. Yes I felt the NRE, but I also felt the chemistry at the same time in kisses, in sex, cuddling, etc. However, as time went on we bagan to experience a higher level that I am not sure many people ever experience as I have not read anything about it anywhere though I keep searching. We seem to have 100% the right chemistry, treat each other as our best friend, and we can finish each others thoughts and sentences. We as so in tune with each other and are experiencing a certain type of energy that has nothing to do with the physical part of sex, maybe has to do with our auras and energy fields and feeling like those mix and blend and we feel sensations totally different from regular sex. So on a scale of no chemistry to full chemistry, we're at the top and everyone else I really liked before, falls some where in between. I don't expect most people to find what I have found but anything from half way on up is really good and I wish that for you. You need to have a talk with the boyfriend. He has to know how you feel and that unless he's mistreating you, yells or belittles, doesn't pay enough attention to you in sex, etc, then its not his fault and he as a wonderful man will be the best match for some other woman but he just isn't for you. If he thinks you are making this all up, have him read my response. I wish I knew this stuff when I was your age or I might have made very different choices in my life. I wish you the best and cooperation in the counseling thing. Although its most married couples who end up going for couple counseling not dating couples who are not married.

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