about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So today I called him it was quite awkward, So first we were talking about what happened in class ( since we have 7th period) then I asked him about his love life, ( He had a crush but she rejected him) He said that he was sad from time to time but he fine with being single

then his sister keeps coming in and he was lying and saying he was talking about the culinary project. ( since it is a culinary class) and we weren't talking about that at all. he was yelling at her to mind her business.

Then when I would talk there would be a long pause and then he would say yeah or respond to a question. But we talked for thirty minutes. He was asking me about how my day was, how I and my sister are doing. ( since I design clothes and a runway model) He was saying that basically, I know what I'm doing in life.

I made him laugh but it was nice but EXTREMELY AWKARD thought. I was thinking about going to Starbucks with him to "study" ( not really, but just to talk more.)

If he's willing to be a study partner again whether for real or not, you might suggest that you and he go to Starbucks to study as you wouldn't be interrupted by the sister. That way, both of you can speak more freely. And I definitely think that making someone laugh is a good sign. I have found that males feel more comfortable being with a gal if they are able to say something that makes them laugh. Then two people can have totally different senses of humor. Since he's laughed once already, I don't think you have to worry. Good job so far.

[view]

So I want to call out this person so bad cause she’s starting to annoy me anytime I talk to her she’s mouthing what I’m saying while I’m saying it to her, at first she’s never done it but now every time I talk to her her mouth moves while I’m saying something. I don’t really notice her do it to anyone else. I have another friend as well she’ll repeat what I say to her but I understand why she does it because English isn’t her first language and she does it to other people. Should I call her out on it or just leave it alone? Maybe I don’t speak clearly or loud enough? (I’ve been told I talk too quiet but when I talk normal suddenly I’m too loud) any advice?

No, this is not normal behavior. I wonder if she has a hearing problem and tends to read lips to understand what people are saying.She may not even know her hearing is diminished so if you speak light and soft, perhaps that also effects how reading your lips might work. If its as you say, and it is indeed distracting to you being able to hold conversation, then ask yourself, if knowing she had a hearing problem would make you able to tolerate it easier than knowing it was just a bad habit she is doing for you. If it's not going to make a difference and still irritate you, you might want to bring it up. If you know that revelation of a problem on her part would make you able to forgive this issue, then you might also want to bring it up so you can find out.

How you bring it up is crucial though. I know that people tend to bristle or get upset when one of their peers points out a problem of theirs or correct them, so it is always better taken if you make it about you or how you can relate or used to have the problem (i sometimes make up the latter if it doesnt apply simply to make them more comfortable.) So I would say something like, I've been noticing something that happens everytime just you and I are talking, not when we talk to others. So I could only think of a couple of things that might cause it, either I am the problem with my soft speech, or you may have an undetected hearing issue, or it's a combo of both.(By now she is dying to know what the problem is or you could ask if she has any idea of what you are talking about.) She might know and mention the moving of her lips and why. If she doesn't know, you tell her what you have observed.

Personally, if someone did that to me, I'd lose my train of thought and be unable to finish sentences as I watch the lips move. That happens too when occasionally on some phone calls, I hear a delayed echo of what I am saying and it is hard to resist hearing it and losing where I was in what I was saying. So it is very reasonable to bring it up and both of you work on the issue on your ends. That means you work on learning to become more vocal. I can relate to that. See how easy that is only this case is for real. I used to be so soft spoken or spoke very little and couldn't look people in the eyes, and have a fear of people other than my friend and maybe one friend. So I had back then what is now called social anxiety. Along with that was a low to non existent self confidence. So when you attempt to talk to be heard better, when you do not work on the underlying issues of whats causing you to be so quiet, you end up pretending, its not natural and you will over compensate and end up too loud, almost shouting) Again, I tried to fake it and ended up just sounding loudly obnoxious.

[view]

Hi!

This may not mean anything, but what would it mean to you if your ex liked your engagement photo on facebook?

Thanks

It means he is acknowledging the photographers talent. Maybe some creativity was shown, special lighting or the colors you and your fiancee wore were the most complimentary for your skin and hair coloring types.
If you both are not together because you were the wrong people to be in a relationship together, that doesn't mean he has to act the part of being an enemy or never acknowledging you in any situations where he comes across you or your posts. He is simply doing some things that a friend would do. you don't have to be the closest of friends, Good heavens, I couldn't do that with my ex but a married daughter lives in his house with child and husband and so I see him quite often. The question should be asking yourself how you feel about him. Was he abusive and out of line when in relationship with you? If so, there is no reason to be extra friendly, seek him out, comment on his posts. My ex just sent me a photo online of the first flowers showing up in the yard that used to be mine, snowdrops. And I said it was a good sign to know spring was on its' way. It is much better to get along civilly, no matter past grievances as it makes your future much nicer, less chaotic.

[view]

Why would a person have unnatural concern for someone?

I will say first what I see Natural Concern to be.

It is mostly about the well being of another. So if we see that a cousin was sickly, doing poorly and yet have not gone to see their Dr. you would worry for them in case it might be serious and your concern compels you to keep telling them to see a Dr. until they do.

Now, an unnatural concern is everything that goes overboard and it is usually driven by fear in the person who imagines everything that could possibly go wrong for that cousin. This would look like calling the person to tell them not to take the bus today because their horoscope says there may be a problem, you are constantly asking what he eats and urge cousin everyday to eat healthy and exercise, and you check on him if you hear of a virus going around and you worry about cousin getting sick, you tell him never to share a water bottle with anyone, wash your hands excessively, keep asking what symptoms they might have of anything, predict they are getting sick and tell them to double up on vitamin C, basically all your interaction is based on fears of things that may never happen but the persons mind can't rest because it is thinking 'distorted' thoughts, blowing out of proportion any possibilities.

[view]

During deadlift (wrong form my mistake),I do not felt any pop or click sound in my back but after 15 minutes I felt stiffness and pain in lower back and it subsided over 3 days but i still have some sensation of pain when i bend.Some serious injury has happened? or i should rest more days to see how my body reacts to it?

When you pull a muscle, it can take more time than a few days to recover to normal. I did the same thing with my legs using weights for the quads and it was too heavy. Didn't feel anything at the time but I did hours later and If I am correct at remembering, the pain in those leg muscles didn't disappear until about 8 or 9 days later. I was careful to not strain those muscles in reguar work and abstained from leg workouts until the legs felt normal. This is the most common thing that happens with any weight lift-weighting. I don't know how longs its been for you but babying your back may be a good idea if you have no acute pain, and just the tightness and soreness. You can ask one of the staff at the gym you go to because they probably see this a lot and can give you some pointers on what to do. If you have your own weights and don't go to a gym, then for the peace of mind, go in to see your Dr. If you are in great pain, there is a possibility parts of your lower spined were pulled out of place by a bad move or simply by very tight muscles from the bad move. Your Dr. would need to refer you to an Osteopath Dr. If not a injury, then the over worked muschle simply needed more time to recooperate. I can't say how long, as long as you notice that it seems to slowly feel better, rather than worse, I wouldn't worry about it.

[view]

Honestly I had no idea where to post this or ask this as I never have before but I’ve had serious, serious confusion. I am a female. I know I like other women and I feel as though I do not like men. I have a boyfriend. I really like him but I don’t think I like him in that way. I never want to marry a man and my question is what do I do? And how do I tell him I’m a lesbian?

If you know for sure that you are lesbian and not bisexual, then I wonder exactly how you ended up with a boyfriend. Or did you not feel you were a lesbian at the time you started dating?

When we are younger, we have lots of life experience ahead and it is experiences that help us decide where we fall on the scale of sexual identity. I don't know your age, but I am betting there hasn't been enough experiences yet to know for sure. I have known of plenty of adult woman, one a friend who was bi and introduced me to some of her bi friends at a party. What I found out from talking with them and their husbands is that all of them were attracted to women and only one man, their husband. So even if its just one guy, that still qualifies as being bisexual.
You may never meet one guy whom you desire sexually and want kids with but can't stand the though when it comes to other guys. All I can say right now is that it seems the guy who is your boyfriend does not bring up any desire in you for him, or lets say no romantic feelings. So if this is the case, it may simply mean you don't feel enough chemistry with him and that is the reason you give him, not that you are lesbian as there is a slight chance that a decade from now, you might realize otherwise, that you are bi sexual rather than lesbian. So all you tell him is that in the time you've been dating, you have never felt any chemistry or call it those more than friends feelings. That is actually true. He doesn't have to known the why of it. Now lets just think of how it might go if you tell him you are lesbian. He is angry and never wants to see you again thinking you've been playing him all along for some sick joke. You go off and have your relationships with women and then one day, you meet the one and only guy you can tolerate, but its much more, you have actual desire for him despite the fact you otherwise like and are attracted to only women. Then you and your husband are somewhere where you run into the old boyfriend. He see's the rings on your fingers and says to you, "Now I know for sure you were making up the lesbian excuse to stop dating me, because you have a male husband." Imagine how awful that would feel. Its less awkward if he simply thought as you said there wasn't enough chemistry for you to want to be with him. Let him be the one to assume you were hetero, lesbian or bi. But at a young age, all it will do is mess with his head and make him doubt himself as being the kind of male who can attract women.

[view]

I am a 16-year-old girl! and at my age, I have a crush of course. So today he was in a really bad mood because he was tired and had Migraine which sucks!

So he came in and put his head down and groaned and I reassured him and touched his shoulder and he raised his face and smiled and said he was okay, but then explained his migraine and tiredness. This may sound weird but I was glad that I was able to touch his shoulder because I learned that makes your crush closer to you.

I noticed also I text him about every day, and I feel like a crazy woman or something. but I was wanted to talk to him and make sure he was okay since he was not really talking to me during school.

A crush is a one way thing, you liking him but him not knowing you like him or whether he likes you back as just a friend or more than friends. Right now, what you did is the friendship part of a relationship. It lets a person know that you really care how they are doing. You are just learning about relationship, especially, interaction between the sexes. I am much older so I can tell you that the best dating relationship or being with a significant other works only if there are two things in the relationship. One is having a very solid friendship, not fake friends. This is often missing in relationships so if you are brave enough to practice this now, thats great. The only difference then in a couple relationship is adding in the romance and not having just the friendship love, but the romantic love. So, there is no need to tell him yet that you are interested more romantically. Work on the friendship part yet. It is okay to spend time hanging out together with the guy because that is part of a friendship. After you've been friends a while, if he is showing a friendship caring about you as well, then post this next thing on your phone or computer to save for this time. You can find out if he has developed romantic love for you as well. If he hasn't said so, this is what you say: "We are doing so well as friends, it makes me wonder how well we'd do as more than friends. What do you think?" Notice you only say you were wondering not saying you have a crush or have deeper feelings for him, stuff that scares away a friend if they don't feel the same about you. If by chance he asks why you are asking this. You simply put it back on him, gee, haven't you wondered the same thing. And if he says no which may be the case for lots of guys, you say, well, I just brought up my thoughts so give it a thought and tell me what you think. Don't blurt out that you have feelings or love him unless he says that he has feelings for you. The less brave guy will simply agree to try if he likes you because that is an easy way to slide into dating. But remember, work on being friends first and try phone calls sometime. Texting when he is busy away from school, means he will not be holding a full conversation with you and it could look like he is not interested because he is not holding the cell waiting for your next text. He answers and goes back to what he was doing. You can not measure if a guy is interested back if you are not holding conversations in person and on the phone. Please remember this. If you ever want other advice as you navigate friendship or more and learning to understand guys, then write to me and let me know. Good luck dear.

[view]

Hi, i’m honestly stressed during these days because i’m an honor grade 11 student and my family’s struggling both financially and in terms of health. I would like to ask if what I should do because a girl, who is my classmate, likes me and is public about it and no one has any idea that I’m gay. I do not plan to out myself any time soon because it is much comfortable for me to keep my sexuality as a private topic. I’m also an introvert, have anxiety and depression, and my family somehow despises homosexuality. I’m used to being alone or keeping things within myself because of my family’s hatred towards homosexuality and with my father’s early passing but lately, I’m worried about hurting my classmate’s feelings and at the same time, I do not want to be outed. I honestly need help and your advice could honesly be life-changing and will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and God bless.

Since you are not ready to come out about being gay, then the white lie of not being ready to be in any kind of relationship is true. You do not owe her or your family the truth of how you feel sexuality, That is your personal business. I always advise those who are still minors living at home, to not say anything simply because they feel bad about keeping a secret, especially if they know the parents are deeply anti homosexuality. And some believe so due to the stance of a church they attend. If you say something at home, you then have to live with harassment from parents who truly believe you are going down the wrong path and its their job to train you the right way. Of course, since they are wrong, you have to pretend to be hetero until you become an adult or when you finally meet someone and fall in love. If you came out and told this girl only, and that you are otherwise still keeping it a secret and don't want to come out, then with her knowing and being attracted to you, it would be hard for her to not stay away from you. Just other classmates observing how she changed acting more like she is dating you or something would be enough to get other kids feelings that you must be gay and word of this could get leaked by a kid saying something to their Mom who knows your Mom and all of a sudden, they all know. So don't feel bad about keeping it secret until you are ready.
You could always rely on saying you are hetero but not ready to start dating yet, or haven't found anyone you really like. when someone is quiet,, shy or a loner, it's hard to know if they are telling the truth or not from simply observing them. So don't worry. If later in life, you are out and find girls coming after you that you don't feel anything towards, you tell them the same thing a girl tells a boy if she isn't attracted to him. "Sorry but I don't feel any chemistry towards you. or I don't have those kinds of feelings for you. Just because you are gay doesn't mean you will automatically like any girl who comes your way or who is interested in you.

[view]

Hi, I am a 16 year old girl and i have a crush obvisly at this age. So i have liked my crush for a couple months now. I also helped him to get a girl that he liked, he asked her out she rejected him. I was screaming in joy( which is completely messed I know) anyways, recently I was talking to him and went on a silly tangent about valentine's day since it was today. SoI said to him if I had I man I would want him to give me food, he then said I have food and proceed to point at the cupcakes on the table. Also, I said that I kinda want a boyfriend and he responded with yay since I told him previously that I didn't want a boyfriend... I could be completely delusional I don't know. Also, i find myself ALWAYS texting him first....

Other than the crush for a couple months, I have no idea how long you both have known each other. Since you mention texting and having helped him catch the interest of a girl he told you he liked, those things sound like the doings of two people who have been good friends for some time, definitlely longer than the couple of months. I am betting you started as just friends and somewhere along the lines as you got to know his personality better, you felt drawn to him for some character traits and began to admire him as a person and well, fell for him.

What you mention being a silly tangent about valentines day is actually not silly at all but an ability to turn conversation to a topic you want to talk about without having to be obvious and ask point blank questions. I do this all the time, leading the conversation so I commend you, that was good thinking because if the words you wrote are exactly what was said, then I think it went rather well. When you mentioned that if you had a guy, you'd want edible gifts from him for valentines day, he did not have to say or do what he did. He could have simply nodded or said, yeah me too, or some little comment like really? not watching your weight then? Nope, I think he saw this as an opportunity to say something encouraging to you. Before you think it, men do not say kind encouraging things to females they are not interested in at all because it could backfire with the girl they aren't attracted to starting to come after him all the time thinking he really likes them. No, guys are smarter than that. So what reason could he have for pointing at cupcakes and saying "i have food". He didn't say he was willing to share it with you. But what he said can be taken as a flirt, even if not actually saying he would offer one to you. He is simply acknowledging that he understands what would impress you and what you'd expect was a food item and so this was a way to show you that he qualifies. Now just in case I am reading too much into that statement and action of his, lets look at the next thing he said. when you hinted that you want a boyfriend now and he says "Yay!" and since he doesnt have a girlfriend, this means he knows there is a chance for him if he is willing to try it out. But he didn't ask. He could have been scared, or worried that you meant anyone else but him since he is a friend. Most hetero friends have trouble moving on to more than friends because each is afraid to say anything in case the friend doesnt share the same feelings and the fear is of losing the friend then. There is a special thing you can say if you have been friends now for a while, to find out if he is attracted to you the same way. You ask "Since we both do great as friends, I was just wondering how well we might do as more than friends. What do you think?"

You have to ask the What do you think or he won't feel he has to say anything. This is the best no pressure way to find out if he doesn't feel that way about you as he would say something along the lines of that wouldnt work. I only feel friendship with you, nothing more. Or he would jump at the chance and say yes, lets try if he is too scared to blurt it out right then or he will tell you he;s felt that way for some time. Often, a person will tell the one they like that they like someone else to see if the person shows any hint of being jealous but that is not a good way to go about it. So it could be that the dating the other girl didn't work because both were not interested i each other.

[view]

18/F/South africa
I started at a work 2 months ago. There are only 3 of us that work in the shop. It's me, a guy who's also 18 and then the manager and she's 27.
At first I hated the manager but through the past month I found out alot about her and that she was raped and I was able to relate to her alot. The one day at work I cried to her because I was going through personal problems. From around there I started looking up to her, sort of in a sisterly figure way.
Then the guy started working with us and she preferred him because his dad helped fix a door and lights and he's not as shy as I am so he talks more. This sucked because I wanted to be friends with her but it didn't happen and then he was working his way up to be her friend. Then today at work he told her that yesterday I told him that I look up to her and she looked at me and I got embarrassed and just looked down and tried laughing it off. I was anxious the whole day about it and when she came back to close the shop he told her about how anxious I was and she just shook her head.
I'm worried because I'm scared she thinks of me as childish because I look up to her. How do I fix this? Do I talk to her about it? Should I message her and explain myself and just say like I don't want her to see me as childish? (It's a really chilled workplace so we don't need to be professional) or what should I do?

You are worrying over nothing. It is possible for a person to have more than one friend, even closest friends, so you are not out of luck because you think she has become good friends with a guy. Before I go on to explain more holes in your logic, or shall I say distorted thoughts, everyone does this at some point but many catch themselves doing this and stop. Others don't and keep adding one false thought after another and often it is based on having a low self esteem, meaning you don't think too highly of yourself. Be cautious because if you had been sexually harassed or even raped and thats the one and only thing you can relate to her on, don't bring it up. Many people do not like to have someone bringing it up in any way, even to say they relate. It is better to have other things in common, same sense of humor, liking some of the same food, hobbies in common and that is okay to bring up. Dont think that because you went through something traumatic that that is enough to base a friendship on because it sounds like that is what you are thinking and that is not correct. Looking up to someone as if they are a sibling is healthy and normal. But then you complain next that she prefers an 18 yr old male because his Dad did some repairs. That does not compute at all, its doesn't make any sense. Why? Lets use our imaginations. If what you are thinking is true and this truth is put into words by the other two people, it would sound like this. Boss to male employee: I prefer you. He is puzzled as he doesn't know what she means, "Preferred in what way?" "I prefer you over my other employee as an employee and I also prefer to have your friendship, not hers. He now looks extremely puzzled. "Okay. Why do you say this?" "I say this because your Dad was so nice to help fix things around here." "Okay, let me get this straight . . .You want to be my friend, but only because of my relationship to the person who helped you in the shop? Sounds more like you were impressed with my Dad and want to become his friend. Other than doing the work you give me each day to do, I haven't done anything special extra at all." First of all, she is 27 not 14 or so. She is more mature and most likely does not think that way. You are putting words into her mouth, predicting how she feels and what she says. Unless you are a psychic, you don't really know and even they get things wrong sometimes.

Next you say he is 'working his way' to becoming her friend. Is it really work? I don't think so. Friendship just happens if two people open their mouths and communicate together so they can form some kind of connection. Usually in work positions, while the relationship is still friendly, the people are not friends away from work. In 40 yrs of working, I only became good friends away from work with one coworker. For example, we both took our families camping together at their favorite camping spot. That is time spent outside the office and what I am talking about. A friendship with a coworker or a boss is not going to be the same thing as a friendship not related to work. It is good for the atmosphere on the job if all the workers are friendly and get along well. It would be miserable if all were mean to each other. But there is no such thing as automatically having all the kinds of things in common you need with a friend and have that with every employee and the bosses just because you work at the same company. ITs not the same thing. If he is doing something that appears like working hard to become friends, then my guess is you are guessing wrong on what is going on. I was once shy and had low self esteem and like you, always imagined the worst in each situation. I was way worse off than you. So my guess is that what you see him doing, is actually smiling, greeting her by name. Making a point to ask how her weekend was, and just pass time while doing work, more fun by talking to another person. That does not mean that in his heart is a wish to make sure you feel excluded. I did that to myself when I was like that, and sadly the truth is, you most likely are doing the same to yourself. You only talk to me of how you feel about her but not that you have talked to her. It isn't the same to say it to someone else. I have no idea why you feel so anxious that she now has heard, but only through him, that you look up to her. I know plenty of people who have felt the same way about someone and told them. And guess what? Never was anyone offended, or thought the person was immature or stupide. In fact, those looked up to felt flattered, it was a compliment to them. It is a good feeling to have someone look up to you, not a bad feeling or a nuisance as you may think. This guy is also your age. It seems you feel that he is not childish but you are? I'll check again, you are 18, and he is 18" That is the same age. Young peoples brains finish last in maturing to full adult potential so even if one may act a little more mature, neither will truly be mature until they hit their mid twenties. If you dont believe this, look up on the internet,by putting in these words and then reading away 'Pre-frontal Cortex in Teens.' This also explains why at 27, you see her as someone to look up to and want to become like one day and don't worry, you will. But you have to work on your fear of people with how they might react. I had social anxiety. It is a real thing. You have it too, to some extent. So if you want to work on yourself, since your situation and how you feel is only caused by you, and the cure can only be supplied by you, then ask me to send you instructions on what to do to overcome this fear. You may still have low selr esteem but I think once you are having success approaching people and having them respond to you in positive ways, that will automatically help your self esteem. If you write asking for this help, you need to click on the phrase in the blue column 'search advice columnists' and look under letter D for me, Dragonflymagic. Open my column and choose the button for sending me a message. This is the only way you can write directly back to me, rather than writing another post that goes to all and they wont have any idea what you are talking about. good luck dear.

[view]

I love my younger sister more than anything, but I have been incredibly attracted to her since adolescence, and I have been “in love” with her for decades. I have not acted on it. We are both divorced, after marriages and our children are adults and our parents are deceased, so we would not be hurting anyone.
She is beautiful and never long without a lover, until recently. She always makes terrible choices and gets hurt. This has ignited the smoldering desire that was never dormant but long muted. I’ve tried everything not to feel this way, but I am now obsessed with her, to the point near total distraction.
I know many people have “friends with benefits”. I feel compelled to broach this prospect with her soon, and not sure how to do so. If this happens, we would do so secretly. I have always been a very loving and respectful partner; many friends and family have frequently said they wished they had a husband like me. I absolutely adore and treasure her.

Any suggestions or ideas?

Has anyone had/have a loving, consensual sexual relationship with a sibling?

As already stated, deformitys in children from two people too closely related was the main reason a relationship like this was forbidden or considered illegal. I don't know about marrying. It may not be possible. But then you both are divorced. Many in second relationships do not go for marriage certicates because any benefits,, even income tax is better as singles than being married. So as long as there is the life time commitment to be husband and wife, that shouldn't stand in the way. You are older, have raised children so if all precautionss are taken to make sure there are no children created between you two, then there is no problem. You getting snipped if she isn;t already in menopause is the easiest and most carefree way to handle this. its easier and faster recovery for the man as well.
The way it sounds, this has all been on your part, the feelings. You have not made any mention of how she's always felt about you. I can understand if you have no clue because this was not the kind of subject to bring up in the past. But now it seems to be something that you have to at least check out. So I also vote for you being straightforward and telling her of your idea. She would have to have such feelings for you too. Or maybe it could be developed by spending lots of time together. I agree with it being secret if done as it may disturb your and/or her children. There is nothing wrong when it comes to older people, siblings living together as they age for companionship, financial reason and just having another person around in case something were to happen. YOur sister may react to immediately by Kiboshing the idea without really giving it any thought. Don't think this is the final answer. Give her time to think about it and give her what seems like normal reasons to see your good qualities as a partner. It could be seeing her clothes line down or sagging and you offering to fix it for her. Shoveling her path and using salts to de ice so she doesn't fall. If you hear she is sick, going over to provide company, or if its not stomach flu, bringing her a meal you've cooked. Basically you would be doing the same for her as you would with any lady you meet. You don't ask a woman you just met if she'd like to live with you, or be your lover or marry you. Because you already spent years growing up with her, you feel you already know her so nows the time to just jump in and do it if she is willing. But I am trying to imagine myself in her position. If a brother asked me the same, I would have to say, my first reaction might be, ew...no...that is wrong...without giving any real thought to it. I know what I know about my brother from him growing up with me. But that doesn't translate into knowing what kind of mate you'd be behind closed doors where no one else would see. I would need time to come around to being ready to even secretly date and hang out with the man my brother is now to see if I can even feel something for him. Everyone at church thought my husband was the most wonderful husband and couples even said, I want out marriage to be just like yours some day. My reply was, "No you don't." But thats all I'd say. The truth was he was good at putting on a show for people, even those close to us but at home he was verbally abusive. You already say she isn't making good choices in men so she may have no idea what she is really looking for. If the most you can get is her agreeing to live together for financial sakes and companionship but that she doesn't feel that way to be a lover, then you may have to be willing to be as much as she is comfortable with, having lovers on the side. I can't say that she could ever change her mind on the sex part, but if you are there to comfort her after she is hurt by another man again and again, you can use that to show her the differences of how you treat her versus how others are treating her and reminding her that you are still willing to be there in already knows from experience of living together you would never do anything to hurt her.

[view]

My girlfriend has got pregnant after only like 2 month we do love each other but she saying were not ready and financial and she already has 2 kids ages 2 and 5 and had said she wants more kids just when her youngest is at school full time what should I do.. But am ready 100 percent and always wanted a child too

I agree with adviceman. I will share as well that I know from people I am familiar with that just because they love each other, that isn't always good enough to make a tough situation like this work. As stated, you are not married. When married, a couple needs to compromise and make decisions together as it affects their life. Singles who are simply dating but have not made that commitment, will have the experience only of decision making for one, themselves or some people still have the mentality of a single once in a committed relationship. You may believe that you are in a committed relationship simply because she agreed to be your girlfriend. There are two levels to dating couples, those who meet and hang out together, have sex, maybe even live together, as they learn more about the other and whether this is someone they like or would feel they are settling for less, in which case, the relationship ends and they move on to try another relationship.
But if they get along well together, then they become a committed couple, staying together long tern or life long, with or without a marriage certificate. Commitment comes from the heart, not a document. So you need to learn, aside from her being pregnant with 2 kids by someone else, exactly how she feels about you and you about her. She has already one man to do child support on the first two kids. It's not too big a stretch to have another child with a second daddy paying child support. However, she knows how much she can handle so I feel it is smart that she has decided it best to wait until the youngest is in Kindergarten or first grade if she already can't handle two kids full time without it stressing her emotionally or financially. I want you to do your best to put yourself in her shoes. This takes some imagination of you being female and pregnant, with two kids and the Daddy of the third child wanting to keep the child. You did not mention marriage. If she is hoping for marriage and man who will love her other two and raise them along with yours, being a Dad for all, then maybe that will make a difference, but maybe not. These are things you need to find out by having a good talk with her, not only checking out where you stand legally with a lawyer. Find out if she even wants a mate life long who will help her with the kids. Maybe she'd be game for keeping the child now if you could hire a pay a nanny/housekeeper to help her out. You know she can't do it financially. That is one reason she gave but I'll bet it isn't the only one. If you can not afford to help her out that way and marry her if she is willing, then having a happy little family of 5 is never going to happen for you. SHe is already in a desperate situation so if she learned to not make snap decisions because of her desperation, she may not jump at your offering to be her boyfriend for forever or husband for forever if she has a list of criteria that she wants in a mate and daddy for her kids and feels you just aren't the right one but better for the companionship right now than no one at all. I am not saying you're a bad man, just that a single woman with 2 kids can have many reasons for not going for any options you try to present to her including her carrying the child, giving it to you, getting whatever compensation from you for carrying the child, and then you as a single man trying to raise your child yourself. You'd soon find out how hard it is, especially trying to work and yet have to find good daycare for your kid. Its not easy.

[view]

So I’m about 6ft tall and I’m pretty slim, but the thing is I’m a size 13 (UK), which is really big for someone of my build and height. I people like to stop me in the streets and make their jokes or try and guess my size but I didn really care. My friends like to make a joke out of it and it’s been a recurring thing for years. Since they started, I feel as if I’m getting more and more insecure about them so now I pretty much avoid going out when unless I have to. I hate how big my feet are. I’d appreciate any advice on how to tell my friends to stop and/or how to cope with my situation, seeming as I’m stuck with these clown feet for life.

If I get this correctly, it didn't bother you when strangers commented on your feet, it only began to bother you when your 'friends' commented and not just once or twice but keeping it up for years. You can not stop their comments. The only thing you have any control over is how you mentally react to it. When a person says something to you, about you whether it is complimentary or derogatory, you have control to either accept it and believe it or reject it. Its easy to accept a compliment and feel better, but what do we do when someone says something not so nice, poking fun at us or worse? We aren't taught this skill. I read a book once that said we get so easily sucked into agreeing with whatever a person says, however the bad part is that once we have agreed, that sets balls in motion internally. Our ears hear, the info goes to our brain where we process what was said and decide to agree with or disagree. But we don't see it as an agreeing thing if its something bad. So I tested this fact. The next time someone told me it sounded like I was getting a cold. (I had seasonal allergies) I made my self actually speak the words that I disagreed with that perception and then I would explain I had hayfever. In the past, I might have said nothing which is as good as agreeing because my mind would feed me phrases of self doubt, "Are you sure its hayfever, isn't your glands starting to feel bad and headache starting. Maybe I have a fever . . . Don't tell me you never went through such thought processes before. Everyone does when a person repeatedly says something about a certain thing about you. In my case it was symptoms of hayfever they confused for a cold. In yours, it's the size of your feet as being not normal and an oddity one mght find in a freak show.
Point I am making is that I developed many head colds because I listened and took in what a coworker who was 'germaphobic' said to me. I dwelled my thoughts on what she said. Funny thing is that we are able to change things with our thoughts and create stuff that wasn't there to begin with. In my case, by believing there was a chance that maybe this time it really might be a cold coming on, my body followed the directions of my thoughts, it will do this physically and emotionally. I gave a slight toe hold to the possibility and I got lots of real head colds where your can't taste or breath, and your head feels stuffy and heavy and you can't think straight and have an achy head. All those symptoms that I have never had with hayfewer, just the sneezing and watery itchy eyes. The sneezing was the only thing in common.

So I need to tell you that in some way, you broke down and began to take in what they said as you being abnormal. Thats the first mistake. You need to change how you think about your own feet first to get the results you want.
The second mistake is in how you view what is normal and what is not. In nature, you will see that for the most part, be it flora, fauna, humans, all have a basic place on a scale of size and features that the majority fall into but on occasions there will be differences that do not fall into the range for what is average for most people. Would you call an albino animal, be it a crow, a bear, a deer (all I've seen photos of) to be abnormal? They have a gene that causes them to lack any color but otherwise, inside and out they are just the same as any other of their species.

Then there are size differences such as you complain of. Peter Dinklage, actor who played on Game of Thrones. If you read up his bio on Wikipedia, you will see that he has a form of dwarfism. While most humans are not that size, he is still normal, having all the same parts as anyone else, just smaller. Issues he has to face due to his size, Dinklage initially struggled to find work as an actor, partially because he refused to take the roles typically offered to actors with his condition, such as "elves or leprechauns.
On the other end of the spectrum is a person much larger than most. So I will use Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States. By age 21, he topped out at 6ft 4 inches and had the feet to go along with it with different sources saying the feet size could be anywhere from 12 or 14. He was noted saying he weight 174 while president so he was tall and thin as you with large feet. In an article about Lincoln I got the following: "a neighbor of his from New Salem named Camron crudely described him using the words ‘thin as a beanpole and ugly as a scarecrow’. That did not stop him from thinking his size would hold him back from anything he wanted to pursue or he wouldn't have even tried to become a president of the U.S. Here's that link about Lincoln if you want to read it:
https://heightline.com/abraham-lincoln-height-weight-measurements/

What about Dinklage, and his size? He didn't let that dictate whether to pursue acting or what roles to take and I commend him for it. I love lots of the roles he has played not because of his size but his acting ability.

You have that choice too. I know its unfair that some of us have to work harder at overcoming insults, and teases, and rude comments that come our way but thats the way it is. I now see it as a blessing in disguise now that I am older, as it helped me to develop healthy supportive thoughts about who I am and what i look like. I got the usual teases for wearing glasses and being quiet and shy. I heard this stuff enough that it was something that happened on a weekly or monthly basis, the incidents.
You didn't say whether you were male or female but females have it hard as society comments that women shouldn't be tall. Here's a positive way to look at it. What about tall men at over 6 ft who don't want to stoop over life long to look their 5 ft wife in the eyes, some tall men prefer having a female who is equally tall so they can look into each others eye easily. True, she won't have as many options in finding a guy but it's not impossible and thats a good thing about todays technologies, being able to find a tall man on a dating app on line.
You feel you have no option being born with big feet and it is evident in your last sentence, "I’m stuck with these clown feet for life." Well, you are right about not being able to change the size. But do the people who wear Clown suits actually have extremely large feet? No, maybe one person but in general, when the idea of creating clowns first came about, someone must have thought that extremely oversized feet would be funny. I am guessing that someone has called you as having clown feet and after hearing it enough, your subconscious mind accepted it and now you really don't like if actually hate your feet. I can't give you instant quick fix help as the part of regaining a sense of your feet being normal for your height or above normal for your age is okay. There's nothing wrong with it. In the article on Lincoln it has been suggested that he had a rare genetic disorder called Marfan syndrome. The disorder affects the body by elongating the limbs, fingers. This is what can but not always be the cause for extreme heights same as dwarfism is the extreme in lack of heights. These genetic differences though rare, are not abnormal. Abnormal is what happens when there is too much pollution and after effect of bombs and other factors from our planet affecting how a baby looks when it is born. Some may look like rare genetic defects, like a missing limb but you know when something else is affecting normal developement when you look at births by doing a search on line for birth defects after Hiroshima. Look at the photos. There is an overwhelming amount of people born with misshapen heads. There might be a photo shop pic or two but there are many that are the real thing. I'll bet people born with those defects would give anything to be normal as you with the only thing wrong, is that they and others don't like the size of their feet. I get it, its harder to have choices in footwear or you have to special order. Almost everyone will have something about them that means it's harder to get stuff that fits, like having short legs and long torso, or me with short torso. There are plenty of cute tops or dresses I could not buy as the items were made for a longer torso, no matter what size.
It may seem I have rambled or over talked on the subject but I know there is no problem with having more examples and logic to help you adjust your thoughts on your own feet. Instead of suffering the laughing and teasing, join them, not believing you have something bad. Comedians who have a healthy outlook on themselves and their spouse of kids will use something from life to make funny jokes, just to make others laugh, even if they later say, thats not true, I love my wife or I love my kid. People usually don't know what to say when they encounter someone with something obvious that falls outside the parameters of what one would consider average for humans or normal but that doesn't mean it is abnormal. Using a male body part for example, most menns penis length fall into an average range as stated in an online article "an erect penis of 6.3 inches is in the 95th percentile. That means that out of 100 men, only five would have a penis longer than 6.3 inches." You can find that and more under

the article goes over womens preferences. So while men actually want a penis bigger and longer than normal, due to women mostly having an average lenght vagina, their preference is for the average, not long length but maybe more in girth around. This is the only example I could think of where a human actually wants something outside of the average and normal sizes.

So if you are a male, you can easily use this as a joke, no matter your size, and simply say, yes...I do have large feet and that also means I have a large, (here you say whatever you are comfortable with like package or point down to your crotch or say junk or cock or whatever. I'll bet this will give some laughs with buddies, give shock to strangers who dared to even point out your feet size...hey they started it is what I'd say if they were offended. Eventually your male buddies will not bring up your feet anymore because your constant reminder of how having another big part makes them feel inferior, why would they continue. If you are a female, of course you can't use that to make a joke but you can say things about your feet to make others laugh, like "My feet are so large that in hot weather when bubble gum re-melts on the sidewalk, I end up stepping on 5 gum spots with one step whereas the average person gets only one. I win! And then laugh. You will find the jokes that work best for you. Here is another I would say if I had the large feet, Yep, my feet are large, so large that I can wipe out an entire ant colony with just one step. Although made up and just funny and the jokes out of proportion with reality, their negative thoughts or tease are bad manners and what they say will be out of proportion as well on a negative side so make your sound positive. Here's another, "My feet are indeed large. It works well for having a new dance partner just stand on my feet as I lead them through dance steps. Its helpful for those who say they can't dance or are afraid of stepping on or tripping over my feet." While totally made up, it is funny, or would be if someone else was saying this about themselves, then you may laugh. I know in truth you don't think of your feet size a laughing matter but laughter does seem to produce more results in awkward situations like this and will lay peoples minds at rest. Especially if you start it all before they can strive to think of something to say. People feel more comfortable around a person who is comfortable themselves with their deformities or differences whichever the case may be. I have seen people in wheelchairs who are bitter and snap at anyone asking if they'd like help with a door. While others would simply smile and say thank you or others yet say thanks and add a funny comment like "I wasn't looking forward to being a wheelchair sandwich again." That makes others know you are okay with your feet and make you more approachable and soon you will have friends, maybe new ones, who want to spend time with you because they like your personality, not because of your feet giving them fodder for jokes. When those who tease find they can't make you uncomfortable any longer, there is no pay off for them, especially those doing it to be mean. So there is no reason for them to continue. This I have found to be true. As long as I as a shy young person felt uncomfortable or ashamed, I was picked on more. In my twenties, I learned to do these tricks and also not beieve I am defined by what people think of me. Heck, my looks don't match my personality, I even know that so people just get a wrong impression of me if just assuming what I am like personality wise and are surprised I am different. I get that often enough still today. I know that, and I don't let that bother me, I don't take things personally. In most cases, strangers who say something do not have a premeditated idea to be rude and point out your feet, they just haven't been trained good manners or what to say or how to act around anyone who seems different to them. Heck we get that even with skin color difference or knowledge that someone is gay. All of a sudden people have no idea how to act or what to say. Its dumb but true. You can do these people a favor by teaching them how to act around someone different than you after making them laugh first to disarm them. I hope this all makes sense. It means a lot to me to help anyone who feels badly to love themselves more and not be affected in bad ways by other peoples thoughts or words. SO write straight to me if you want to talk more or anything. I can try to look up a Ted Talk of a gal who was born deformed and she really feels good about herself and also has a way to charm people ad set them at ease. If you are interested, ask me and I will search for it. It really should also help put things in a better perspective as to what you can do for yourself. Yes, the other people have bad manners, but you'll get that through out life in many different scenarios. The biggest impact you can make in your world is by showing others how your difference has made you stronger, how it doesn't bother you and by subtly teaching the general public to not feel so awkward around someone who looks or acts different, and all because you bring up your situation first if possible and tease about it or make jokes about the benefits of big feet. I had a pastor of mine once call me Vertically Challenged and he laughed. He wasn't trying to be mean, just trying to be funny as he knew I liked humor. So I laughed and said how it was a good thing being smaller as I could fit in small spaces that he would be too big for. Think of yourself, coming upon a vet with one leg only or a person of color with white patches of skin on their face, you are immediately feeling compelled to stare and then look away quickly so to not get caught staring. Anything out of the ordinary will catch a humans attention quickly. It still happens to me. I saw a man with a crutch a couple weeks ago at Starbucks. I suppose since my husband broke a leg in three places over 4 years ago, I know how hard it is to get around on a walker or crutch. It was the thumping of the crutch that got my attention in peripheral vision. when I actually looked, I saw the man had only one leg and the crutch was his choice for getting around rather than a wheelchair and he was doing well. I was impressed with how well he did but went back to what I was doing, not giving him another glance. He did not know that he made a great impression on someone that day, that he was willing to find different ways to do the same thing we all take for granted every day, walking on two legs. You can make those great impression too. Since you actually wrote in for advice, I already know you can and will overcome it dear.

[view]

We never really spoke to each other much beforehand but one day in December we were playing Kahoot together (I know, very random. Now, if you don’t know what Kahoot is, it’s an online quiz app that’s often used in schools. She asked me to be on her team for the Kahoot (though it was quite obviously because her close friends were absent that day). We got along well, there was some sort of spark there- I felt we had a good connection. She seemed to enjoy playing the game with me too. We got along very well but this crush on her literally came out of nowhere and has lasted a couple of months now.

I think it’s just refreshing to have a teen who’s relatively ‘normal’ and doesn’t try too hard to be edgy like most of the kids in my school do.

I’m sat next to her in another class where we often work together, however since that aforementioned game, we seem to be getting much closer. It’s literally the oddest situation ever.

Now, I’m not exactly the most confident guy in the world (I have Asperger’s) so I’m not sure if/how to act on my feelings for her. Most of her closest friends don’t take me very seriously (not many people generally do), so I’m worried that if we do get together, I’ll be laughed at and ridiculed by numerous people.

How do I ask her out when no-one’s around? Also, how do I build up the confidence to ask her out in general?

I’m worried about rejection, as my attraction to her is much stronger than her attraction to me (I don’t know whether she sees me as anything more than a friend).

Now, I’m currently in my last year of high school (UK high school, age 15) so I really want to ask her out before May/June as there’s a chance I may never see her again.

Hopefully someone here will be able to advise me what to do.



You wrote "I don’t know whether she sees me as anything more than a friend).

You have partially solved your problem with that one statement, especially the words 'more than a friend' and those are the words you need to use.

Next time you see her and are alone so she is not distracted by seeing other people, you will ask a question as I will write it. Memorize it. You must include every little part for it to work. Also, this is not to ask her out but discover if she feels anything at all for you, mainly feeling that pull, a chemistry with you, the kind of chemistry of not just friendship which you both already have, but the romantic kind.

"Since we do well together as friends, it makes me wonder how well we would do together as 'more than friends.: You say it exactly that way because each bit as a purpose. I will explain.

This is not the awkward, put on the spot feeling for her if she is not into you that way if you come out and ask her straight if she'll go out with you. If she doesn't feel anything more than friendship without the added romantic desire and love, then she either has to let you down, say no and risk hurting your feelings or lie and pretend but it will not be a rewarding relationship but she is not into it in the same way you are. Yes, many have lied to avoid hurting their best friend.

If you state that you were just wondering, that does not equal the fact that you already feel that way, so a person is more likely to reveal how they feel in return because in their mind, they reason that your choice of words say its just a thought in your mind, you are curious but it doesn't mean you are already at that point of having feelings or wanting to explore the feelings. So it lets her off the hook.

If she doesn't answer but asks why you ask, don't panic, just say, "I was just wondering. Haven't you ever wondered the same thing?" This puts it back on her to answer both questions now. Yes or no she never thought of it. And then she had to answer either, no, I know we don't even have to try because I know I don't have any of those kinds of feelings for you. Or she will say, yes, thats a good idea or something like that, where she doesn't have to come out and admit how she feels if she is sure. And if she isn't totally sure but brave enough to try, she will let you know but saying, 'yeah, lets try being more than friends. the only 'more' than friendship is friendship plus desire and love when it comes to bf/gf relationships. I had a girlfriend in HS who has Aspergers. She would repeat some stories to me over and over asking if I'd heard it yet, Even if I said yes, she'd tell me the story anything. I know I plenty of people now who will start talking to me trying to talk to me when i am unaware because they are behind my back. As this is a very important thing for you to know, please make sure you are facing her or have got her attention first by placing a hand on her arm or shoulder and waiting until she turns to you. This is a neat trick to use before you start talking to someone if you have Aspergers and tend to just start talking at a person without the eye contact. Almost all of the time, when I want to mention something to a stranger, a friends, even my husband, I need to get their eye contact if they aren't already looking at me and simply calling the persons name or the touch method both work really well. If she is already talking to someone else with no signs of stopping, patiently wait with a hand on her shoulder and she will turn to you because that is a silent signal you want to say something. Then you say, "When you are done, I just wanted to say something to you in private." Either she leaves the other person then or finishes while you wait. Other than this, I do not see Aspergers as making a person unable to be a good choice for a relationship. Knowing your weaknesses and tendencies and coming up with tricks you Always live by and use every single time, will help you to have an even better relationship, same as any people without Aspergers should be doing. This is easy simple relating stuff that may not come naturally to you but will help greatly in relating to any people.

So if she says no, that she doesn't want to be more than friends, that is actually not a rejection of you, because of what you said, it is her stating that she doesn't feel the chemistry needed to be more than friends.

I can't say why its there for some and not for others. After a divorce, I met and went out with plenty of guys. It didn't matter how rich they were, or if the guy looked like a hot male model, I met one guy like that and after 3 dates, he lost interest as the initial interest in my looks wasn't enough for a relationship which is true for everyone. One he started getting to know me a little better, he realized, that he did not feel any chemistry with me.

Was I rejected? Nope. It was a matter of both of us not feeling chemistry toward each other. It is never a rejection of what makes up the total sum of you, not habits or hobbies, or mannerisms, but the fact that there just isn't any pull toward you, the romantic attraction or chemistry as I call it. Don't let a fear of not having chemistry with her, stop you from using my question to ask her. Worst case scenario, you will eventually find someone you admire as a friend who also feels chemistry back for you.

[view]

I've been dealing with this for about one month now. I'm suffering from severe constipation. I'm only pooping on the weekends. But, when I go, it is several times a day and usually a very large amount and it is very painful. I've never had these issues before. I'm 28/f.

Recently, however, my home life has become much more stressful. I'm a teacher. The kids are misbehaving more than I have ever seen any other class misbehave in five years. I think that the issue is more emotional than actually physical. On the weekends, I suppose I have more of an opportunity to relax and the muscles are less tense.

I am feeling so stuffy and full and bloated. I'm even having pregnancy dreams bc I assume that subconsciously, I'm feeling pregnant. I am not eating well bc of how stuffy I feel. I've been losing weight in the upper body. Like, my collar bone is popping out and my ribs are becoming more and more detailed. But, then my stomach is just so bloated, that during the week, I'm wearing pants a size larger than what I normally wear.

This is very uncomfortable. I've tried benefiber. I try to eat high fiber foods. PLEASE HELP! I'm so uncomfortable. Any advice is appreciated, especially if you've ever had a similar experience.

I hope you understand that this following line of yours is not normal for any kind of constipation, mild to severe, "Like, my collar bone is popping out and my ribs are becoming more and more detailed."

It could be that the constipation and the loss of upper body weight, enough for the skeleton to be pronounced, are both symptoms of the same medical issue. So in that case, treating just the constipation without seeing Dr and telling him/her all you've told us, may not resolve your issue and it will continue and get even worse, whatever the unknown medical condition is.

However I will share what works well for me for those odd occasion when I feel bloated and can't go regular every day, I use Magnesium Citrate. Here is A Walmart add and photo of the bottle, it is a liquid to drink.
https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/walgreens-magnesium-citrate-saline-laxative-oral-solution-lemon/ID=prod5601649-product

I only use this when it is really bad and other laxatives have not worked.

You say its only been going on one month so if after using the product, in some time you find the problem repeating, then it truly may be your diet or other problems. I don't mean to scare you but there are some other issues only a Dr can help since this is something internal going on. My Mom once had a part of her intestines become partially blocked, maybe it kinked and folded over on itself, not allowing much of anything to pass so she became bloated and full and was in pain. She had to had a surgery to removes the bad part of the intestine. I have also read of such a thing as a tapeworm, something that doesn't occur much anymore. However it wouldn't cause constipation but all you eat, it eats so you never get the nourishment and you become very underweight. Since this is not happening to all of you, just upper, I'd have to say its due to not eating well or often enough. I am no Doctor and these are the only two things I can think of other than stress already mentioned. Yes, stress can affect ones physical health. I knew a gal who became a toothpick of a person and had all sorts of intestinal issues. She was eating some health food diet and became quite yellow and sickly looking. When she finally told us a bit of her past, before her marriage and her husband and her joining a church, they has sex before marriage. She mentioned this bothered her a lot and she stressed over it constantly, thinking she had to be perfect before coming to church and that having such a thing in her past made her a sinful bad person. Eventually I moved so I lost track of her, but she honestly looked like a non thriving cancer patient and all of it was due to her stressing over something, not letting go of it and that thing affecting her bowels or whatever other part of the body. Some people are more mentally affected by stress, or their skin breaks out, headaches, migraines, stomach ulcers, etc. In her case it was the functioning of her bowels. Her Husband and son who ate the same diet were robust and healthy and nothing wrong with them, so it wasn't due to poor diet. She kept turning to alternative health cures rather than going after the real cause, her distorted outlook, reasoning and thinking which I believe brought this all on. So it may be that stress is behind it for you as well. Think of what has occurred or changed for you in the month since this started. It can be something small and not so obvious or the bigger thing, like changing location or living place, getting a new room mate, a new job or promotion to a higher position, or loss of a job. Stress of learning something new, loss of a boyfriend, fighting with a friend or family, and the list goes on. It can be as simple as finding your first gray hair or wrinkle, which can occur at a younger age but doesn't mean the gray will come in quickly now, its just an occasional occurrence, I had that too. But if you worry every day over getting another wrinkle or gray hair and can't let it go, then even something like that can cause you stress. If you can't figure it out, then its time to see a proffessional. See your general care Dr. and let them know what is happening. Get a check up to rule out any underlying issue he/she may have to treat, but also mention your mental health and your stress that coincides with when your constipation started. Ask to be referred to a mental health professional. It doesn't mean you are crazy, just needing some help with the stress .

[view]

So basically I got dared to tell my best friends that I liked him more than friends. So I did it then he told me he liked me back. I didn’t know what to do so I said pranked then he got really mad. He blocked my friends and I from everything possibly. I’ve been trying to make accounts so I can talk to him and reach him but he keeps on shutting me down. I feel so bad and terrible you don’t understand. I’ve been upset since this happened. I miss my best friend. How do I get him back as a friend and make things okay?

You can't get him back as just a friend 'best friend' because in saying you liked him as more than friends, he gave you his true feelings, that he has felt this way about you either for a long time now or from the start and he was just afraid of telling you for fear of losing you if you didn't feel the same. It's now, not about the prank but that the truth is out in the open.
Yes, lots of girls and guys will date a best friend of the opposite sex and hope it grows into something more because they believe they are in love with the person. You can't have him back as a best friend because he wants to be your boyfriend and sweetheart, not just your best friend.

Here's something you need to know about the difference between a friendship and a romantic relationship, the friendship is still there in a romantic relationship but you have the added chemistry and desire for the person sexually. Not that you would have sex, but both are excited to be holding hands, cuddling and kissing and feeling the delicious results of those things in your body, reactions you don't get if just a friend.

This friendship you have lost has never been what you thought it was, never simply your best friend, but he has felt something more and has been wishing he could pick up a hint that you liked him as more than a friend which means having the romantic feelings.

If he had not harbored any secret feelings of love for you, and was only a friend. Then he would not have reacted as he did. He would have said, "Sorry, but I don't feel the same way back." and then when you say it was just a prank, he might have said, "Well, that was a mean prank to play but I am thankful you were not serious so we can just remain friends. And he might not be so angry.

Unfortunately, there is no hope of you being a friend with a guy whose feelings for you surpass that of just a friend.

If you lie to him and tell him you have feelings for him anyways and are sorry and for some odd reason he decided to take you back, then you would still be lying to him, although you have him back. This won't last for long if you are wildly grasping for ways to get him back because this is under false pretenses and eventually he will know because your body will give away your secret. If he holds hands, hugs and kisses and you don't respond in certain ways that a person with feelings would, he will know you are lying. So don' even attempt this. What you've already done put you in the frying pan, under an uncomfortable hot situation. Pretending to have the same feelings just to get him back if it works, would be like jumping out of the frying pan directly into the fire and that means, even a bigger mess. Because if you even dared to attempt such a thing, the guy will be even angrier and will be sure to broadcast to every guy in school and the neighborhoods around to avoid you because you can't be trusted and that will kill your chances of ever dating a guy as long as you live in the same area, same school. You won't get any dates until you move far to another part of the city to go to school where people don't know of your shenanigans. The best thing you can do is when making a bad judgement error, is to learn from it. What did you learn dear?
I hope its not only to not prank someone about feelings. If you thinking other kinds of pranking are okay, better start asking yourself why you have such a burning desire to play mean games on people you know. Ask yourself in that case if perhaps you don't care enough about them as friends that you don't care if you hurt their feelings. Other things you could learn is to not do something just but other friends urge you to do it. If you don't and they drop you as a friend, then that is good, because they were not really good friends if they would ask you to do something that would intentionally hurt someone else. If they asked you to jump off a bridge, or attempt to roller-skate blind folded, would you do it? You'd know it was too risky and you could die. So if its something that would affect you, you probably wouldn't listen to them. So why is it okay to think its okay to do something that would affect someone else in a bad way. And here is where you would say, but I didn't know he loved me, or i wouldn't have done that. And this is were the final lesson to learn comes in. Before you do anything, your own idea or someone elses, learn to use your imagination and put yourself in the other persons shoes. I still do this as an adult and I can say if you learn this one thing, you will use it again and again your entire life because it really is very useful in helping you to have the best interactions with people or even just understanding of another person. Putting yourself in anothers shoes is a way to imagine what it would feel like if you were the other person. I'll take you through it. Just reverse the situations. So here we imagine that lets call him Peter, and his friends egged him on, telling him to say to you that he has feelings for you that are of 'more than a friend'. Lets say that he doesnt have these feelings but you do. Lets say you have felt love feelings for him since you first met but you kept it a secret. So one day he tells you of these romantic feelings and imagine how elated you are, you no longer have to hide your feelings and can tell him in return that you have had feelings for him as well. Then he says it was just a prank. Over the days and weeks after, he is trying everything he can think of to get back together as friends, but you were hurt. You were tricked into betraying your true feelings, ones he doesn't have for you in return. How awkward would it feel to even hang out with him doing normal stuff, walking, eating lunch together, watching a movie together, and always wondering if you are doing anything that he is picking up on as being in love with him. You get paranoid about looking at him too often, thinking it would scare him away as a friend, any gesture or words you speak, you would be self scrutinizing, wondering how it will affect him. SO basically, the easy camaraderie you had before with him is gone. All this detail, in thinking out how you would feel and react if it was happening to you will help you understand why your friend is angry and not willing to get back together as friends, because if you did your imagining correctly, you would already know that it would be impossible to regain something that was false before, he was not your best friend only, he was a hopeful that one day he could be your sweetheart as well.

[view]

Hi, I met a girl at a digital marketing seminar. We started chatting there, she is cute, smart and very sociable. I asked here if she wants to connect on Facebook, perhaps to exchange ideas. So we did.

After exchanging a few messages on FB Messenger, she asked if I want to meet for coffee, bring our laptops and exchange ideas on digital marketing. I said sure, and we did just that. We found this quite little coffee shop. A couple of hours pass, I ask if she wanted to grab a drink after? But she had to meet a friend for dinner next. I said ok, and we went our separate ways. A couple of months pass, I ask her about her website (a travel blog) and connected her to my friend, suggesting she interviews him, he happens to be an avid traveler. She replied, and we exchange some more FB texts. Then I ask if she wants to meet again for coffee to do some kind of brainstorming. She said sure, though we had to postpone a meeting here and there but we ended up meeting. We discussed our websites among other things, non-work related topics. A couple of hours later she said she had to visit her friend (who is sick and she is cooking for her), so she gotta go. I said I had to go as well as my parking time will expire. I asked where her friend lives, and it happens to be right on my way home anyway, so I offered her a ride and she accepted. We talked all the way there (20 minutes?). When I dropped her off I casually asked "Wanna do lunch next weekend?" She said, she is going to Montreal to visit her dad. I said "Ok, another time then" Hoping she suggest an alternate day, but all she said is " Yeah, sure! enjoy the game with your friends. See ya"

I like this girl, but I don't know if she is interested. Remember I asked her before, if she wanted to go for a drink at the end of our coffee get together, but I think she legitimately had to go for dinner and now she has to go to Montreal for the weekend so couldn't do lunch. I'm open to hang out with her as a friend and see where it goes from there. Another thing is that she sometimes replies to my messages in within 1 to 2 hours, but someties it takes 8 to 20 hours? Remember it's FB messenger. I also have her phone number, but haven't really text her through phone. Does that matter? We're in our early 30s, if it matters.

You wanted a plausible reason to see her so you started it all with asking her to join on messenger to exchange business ideas. As far as she knows, you may be intrigued with her looks and her brain but there are no hints that you would like to get to know her more. It is no wonder she grabbed at the only thing she could to see you, the 'exchange ideas' idea. If you had done less business and told her you couldn't concentrate on business as you were with a beautiful women and would like to get to know her more, she most likely would have jumped at the chance. I really don't think even for business, that males or females would meet up with someone, for whatever reason if they were not attracted in some way or open to getting to know the person better which might lead to romantic dating later. The reason people don't tend to meet with someone one on one, whom they feel no interest or chemistry with is that they don't want to falsely encourage the person and have someone they don't like, now trying to ask them out on a date. Exchanging ideas, while legitimate enough a reason to meet should have only been the excuse to get together. You dangling the hook with that as the bait, she took the lead and went running with that morsel of a reason to meet.

So at this point, if you still want to see her, it will be awkward and embarrassing and you will have to be honest with her and let her know what you have been thinking, because she doesn't read minds so whenever you want to meet to discuss digital marketing and then hope to get to know her...it won't happen. Yes, I know this means putting yourself out there and risking being let down but it is the only way now because I am betting that at this point, she believes that with your couple chances, that you are only interested in her mind business wise but whatever clues she is looking for that you are interested in more with her, you are not giving off those clues. There may be other ways to do this, but if you seriously want a chance to get to know her to see if there is a possibility you could become more than friends, then you need to actually say those things to her. Meeting for a drink may not be her thing. Going drinking, while innocent in itself, can speak to a person of someone having a tendency to be the 'party animal' and may not be what she is into. You need nothing more than a coffee shop, or meeting at a quiet place for dinner. The thing is to do a lot of talking, and not watching movies or going somewhere where the atmosphere is not conducive to holding a conversation easily.

Okay, now the hard part, don't chicken out and text, actually phone call her. Put it in your own words but you want to get across that you were initially interested in meeting with her again to see if there might be enough chemistry to be friends at least and once you both get to know each other better as friends, then discovering if there's a chance to be more than friends. this way you let her know you are not looking for a one night stand, but to actually be a friend at first and then possibly more. You have to be sure to mention friendship and becoming more than friends, as that phrase is not as threatening if the other person is a bit gun shy. You are putting her in the position where she has to let you know if she even wants to meet or not. Then you will know for sure if she is interested. Heck, you could even ask her to go on a walk with you, somewhere like a park or popular walking path. Start the walk just talking but try at some point to put an arm around her or hold hands without asking for more and ask her questions about herself. what questions? Anything as long as it can't be answered with a yes or no and her answer stops there and you keep having to ask questions and this method will start to feel like an interrogation.
Ask where she grew up. Ask if she has siblings or is an only child. Tell me a bit about your childhood, like how you spent the time on summer vacations, what you did to earn money back then. Yes, these are all valid. It is part of her past and is part of who she is today. If you show genuine interest and can compliment her at points or encourage her in her talents and hobbies, it will make her feel you have a true interest. I know just about everything of my 2nd husbands past. He is willing to tell me the stories and they are entertaining, you will have to be able to do the same, so think ahead about what things you would share about yourself to help her understand something of why you are the person you are today. I am able to tell others, all my husbands stories of events in his past as I've heard him tell me and others plenty of times. This is how well you want to get to know each other. Dating is a mechanism for learning what you like and don't like about another person, so it helps you determine if you have even greater interest and want to move to a romantic relationship or whether the interest you thought you had before you knew them, you no longer have. It could happen with her too. This is normal and okay then after the handful or month or two of meetings as friends to decide you want something different. If you already know what you need and want in a mate, then refer to that list in your mind. With my 2nd husband, he had only two things he needed and wanted on his list, I had 5 or 6. These were 'must haves' in a mate or it would be a deal breaker if not present in the other person. Do not attempt to use texting to get to know her. The biggest part of communication is non verbal meaning facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language. A person can say the same phrase and in one way, the words along with tone of voice and body language let you know the person is acting condescending towards you whereas the same words with different non verbal hints let you know the person is teasing you and not seriously dissing you. With texts, you don't get any of those helpful things. With a phone call, you at least get tone of voice. My hubby and I would be on the phone every evening after work for hours talking a week before we met in person, but eventually the talking should be done in person so you can pick up on the subtle things. My husband was the gentleman and did not make the first move to kiss but I could tell in his eyes, facial expression and body language that he was indeed interested so i made the first move. Once he knew it was okay with me to move on into the romance realm, he needed no coaxing. Your gal may not know enough about non verbal clues so she may not make the first move. I suggest you watch some videos on youtube about body language when a person is interested in you. There are plenty and they really help. Good Luck.

[view]

So, I have a crush on my bus driver! I don't usually freak out like this when I have crushes on someone, but this time, its different. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I'm 19 years old female and he is in his mid 30s I guess. It all started last month when I sat next to him in the passenger seat and caught him staring at me a couple of times! I take his bus every weekend and get so excited when the seat next to him is unoccupied. You might think that that's fine, but the problem is that he is illiterate, doesn't speak my language, old, and is from Bangladesh. Not that I have anything against his country, but we both are totally different. Different religion, culture, you name it..... Whenever I catch myself thinking about him I cry a little! It's never gonna work out and I DON'T want it to work out! How can I be this stupid to have a crush on a bus driver. I just want it to stop. HELP PLEASE :(

As Adviceman said, this is natural. I crushed on certain males when I was a teen, be it my peers or an older married man and some celebrities. With all of them, it really wasn't just about looks. There will be something else, some character trait, something he stands for, something in his personality that caught the eye of your subconscious mind so it is easy to feel yourself crushing but not know with your conscious mind, what exactly it is that caught your attention so. Once I thought I had figured out what things I was attracted to, I tucked those away into memory and usually a crush would lessen in intensity and eventually disappear. This is my belief that humans tend to crush so that we would pay attention and figure out what traits we like in a potential date, mate. We will gather this info from watching and observing men who are not interested in us or aware of us, and from those who want to date. We gather information over many a date or crush to have some idea of what we want in a partner. Often we have to experience a negative behavior first to see that it is detrimental to having a healthy happy relationship. I will give you an example, I was unhappily married but staying due to having kids. I was essentially in the position of a single woman, still needing to learn what kind of man I would want and need for myself after a divorce when the time came. I remember waiting at an outdoor fish and chips place. There wasn't space for neat lines, so everyone stood in a group. A man who was there with his wife was called on by the cashier. 'Are you next sir?" Then man turned to an elderly woman standing right next to him and his wife and said, 'I believe this young lady here is next". That woman just had someone make her day, using a phrase describing her in a way she hadn't heard in a long time and she thanked him and was all grins. Immediately, i knew I wanted to find a man who had this trait of this man. It was easy to continue to watch him and feel other observations now, such as the sound of his voice, and I felt he was good looking. A woman is going to notice a man in that way too, if she finds even a trait or two she likes about him. It doesn't mean he is right enough, or she is totally serious about wanting him for herself and sometimes a guy who is interested in her may be several steps backwards from what she had before and she has to be careful to not settle for less in the male she dates next. We are made to like certain traits we see in males. Would they make a good provider, a good protector, etc. ? Even female mammals are constantly watching traits in males fighting for her and she usually will choose the strongest male. With all my observations of what I did want, and knowing from experience what kind of man I did not want, (verbal abuse) I made a written list and followed it in finding my second husband after a divorce. Knowing how to use info from crushes and experiences in finding traits I did like, helped me to find the right man the second time around. I just wish I had known this all for the first time around. So you are very normal. That combined with knowing what to do when you feel like this will help you in eventually find the partner you will be with long term or life long.

[view]

Hi I'm a 25 year old woman still living with my mom. I really want to move out but I don't think I can support myself right now. I work full time as a Clinical Lab assistant and I'm currently in school. Things are starting to get really bad at home in my area. I live with my parents and I'm paying half of the bills. There's a lot of drama and threats going on with my extended family & others. I don't feel safe with people threatening to harm me. I also take uber to school/work. How can I get some kind of help?


I don't qualify for University dorm. I'm looking for housing in the city that I go to school in. Its not the same city I live in. I'd be safer if I was out of the my city. I dont know if I qualify for housing though and I think it takes a long time

When you say People try to cause drama in your life, is it total strangers or are we talking people who know you and you know their names? It doesn't matter if it's friends, family or friends of friends and family, if you are given a verbal threat to your life, you can go to your local court and pay for a restraining order against that specific person and then they can not be able to be within a certain amount of feet from you or you can call the police and they will be hauled off. Here is a site about restraining orders'

http://www.answers.com/Q/How_much_distance_is_in_a_restraining_order

If you qualify for disability you should qualify for housing and should be able to choose where. It may be low income housing or a set amount you recieve to pay your rent if capable of doing that, otherwise it would go to an adult who looks after all your affairs. You probably already have a contact person who sees you once a year to evaluate whether you're the same, better or worse as far as qualifying counts. That would be a good person to contact to find out the name and number to call to get this kind of help. You can call or show up in person at your local DSHS office. This would be the same office people go to for food stamps and cash assistance. I think it is a good idea that you get a place near your school which you already know to be a better neighborhood. There are places that we don't purposely go for anything just because they are known to be high crime bad neighborhoods. I wish you the best dear.

[view]

Been talking to a girl for 1.5 months,went out 2 times and etc. Anyways, im a bit scared of calling her out alone,cause of 2 reasons. First being that when i met her,a year ago,we talked for 10mins and friend of mine came to her after that and said that i have a crush and if he doesnt help me,i will kick his ass.(Which is false).She came to me and said that she is not interested in me but i started laughing as i didnt know what was going on.She realized that friend set her up and told me about it. She apologized to me and year later,on some song i posted on instagram,she reacted and we talked since then.
Second being that she texted me first only 2 times,and i texted her maybe 3-4 times after liking my text saying Good Night.
When we went out with her friends,brother of one of her friends came between us and she switched places,2 times.Thats green light but im not sure...

There is no issue of whether she is attracted to you or not since she's gone on a couple dates and has been willing to text. Liking a persons appearance is only the very first step for two people getting together and becoming a couple. Yes, dating is fun but it also serves a more important component to whether two people become a couple or not. If people are going on dates, the female and all her friends will assume this is now a committed relationship. That is silly when there has been no commitment made other than to go out on a date. Dating is for learning more about the person and its a process and can take time to learn a lot about each other. Once you know the person well enough through dating, then you decide if this is someone you really like all of their character traits and personality or if there are things about the person detrimental to the health of a relationship. If you won't settle for less, then the thing is to break up. If the person is great, then you become a committed couple and some become engaged and married in the future. so what I am saying is that you can't begin to learn what you like and don't like in a female until you do some dating. Usually, no one hits the jackpot and get the perfect person with the first one they date. I didn't. None of the people I know did. So you need to start the process and ask if she's like to spend time hanging out with you. It can be going to dinner or a movie but best in learning about the person is hours upon hours of talking and listening to each other stories. If you find you can't care less to learn about who she is inside, then the attraction is purely romantic, not friendship as well and both are needed for healthy and rewarding long term relation;ships. This is your time to learn, long before you get to a marriagable age or are independant and want to live together. If you don't make a move and find out how this could have turned out, you will spend your life wondering 'What if'. Wheh it comes to possible relationships, that is one thing that seems to plague most people, wondering how thing might have worked if they could have gotten together. Heck my 2nd husband and I tell each other stories of how we imagine things were like if we met each other first rather than both our exs. This is something people do and these thoughts can torture you forever. So to avoid that, take a chance. You can ask the parents or her ask her parents at some point if they can have a friend over on the weekend to watch movies, listen to music, play boards games. It is a good way to have private time with no one to butt in but siblings.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker