John obviously makes you cut yourself. He treats you wrong. Whether its just verbal abuse or hitting you, they both cross the line. It doesn't matter what all you've been through, it doesn't mean things can't get better. You're stopping things from getting better by not dumping John. If you refuse to get professional help, then you will get no help. I can promise you that. It is only better when your mom knows about your current issues with self-harm and bad relationships. Get yourself out of this and get help. There is no better help than knowing that your mom knows and that you don't have to hide things from her. I need you to do this for yourself. This is the only way out, Nikki, and you know that. Please give me a chance my inboxing my name and talking to me if you aren't quite convinced. Its ok to be scared of professional help, but you are scared of what life you are living right now, so please, for once, take a scare thats worth it and tell your mother.




-TheTeenGirl

Right now, you aren't looking desperate by calling him back. You're being lied to and would be doing the obvious by calling him and seeing whats going on. You need to ask him why hes not calling back. Whether he thinks of you as deperate or not, you aren't. I know this is a little late, but you need to ask the very next time you talk to him, or at least when he says he'll call, ask, "are you really going to this time?" Make sure you get it straightened out with him before talking again, or you'll just feel deperate all the time, you are deperate when you don't call and ask whats going on.



-TheTeenGirl

I understand that you'd like to have a boyfriend right now and everything, but maybe from your best friends' school isn't the best place because you can't get to know them if they're different schools. It honestly sounds like fake hook-ups with guys to me. I think it will be a long time until you get a boyfriend thats serious with you and serious about being with you. And when you push that serious and protection in your life with someone, it won't happen. You're young, and this isn't going to sound good, but you've got to have your fun as a single girl, do fun things for yourself other than guys. Sure, be with this guy, but let what happens, happen, but don't push at it. Thats my key to finding love, you don't spend your life as a young girl chasing it, it will come around and get you before you know it. Its what happened to me, I spent my 5th grade year trying to find a perfect guy, and every guy I dated in that grade, were jerks. So, I stopped and just picked up on my school work, and now, here I am, 14 years old, and I have a boyfriend, and we've been together for a year now. I don't know what will happen, but I never saw this coming. I concentrated on school and friends, and now I have them all. I know this answer wasn't what you had in mind, but I am hoping that you'll understand me after trying it if you do.





-TheTeenGirl

No way. You hardly know the guy, and hes moving. You'll be emotionally damaged. He may be your best friend or just your friend, but you both don't emtionally and physically know each other. Theres no reason for you both to have sex, it should never happen between you two because hes moving, and it doesn't matter if its in September, the fact of the matter is that hes leaving soon, very soon. You both need to stop asking sexual questions anyway, or you two or going to end up getting closer, and thats the last tangle you want to get yourself into. And you should tell him this, tell him that he needs to stop asking those questions, its wrong. Remind him that hes leaving soon, so you are both better off going your seperate ways and finding someone else.




-TheTeenGirl

Don't do anything except live your life and act normal around him. You never know if hes going to actually break-up with Sarah. And if he does end up liking you, don't you think you and Sarah will have problems? Shes your best friend, and you might lose your friendship over this guy. You've got to think about how Sarah will feel if he breaks up with her. You have quite a lot to think about, most likely, shes going to be upset. But, it sure is rude to date someone your best friend loves like Sarah did to you. Right now, you need to live your life, because you don't know if this will happen.



-TheTeenGirl

Your boyfriend is wrong and he knows that he is. Him and Ashley have gotten a little too close for friendship. I think you should probably dump him now for calling you stupid because you were upset. Its probably the best thing to do at this point. Hes really hurt you, and you shouldn't take it anymore. And as for Ashley and him, let them be and just don't talk to them. Take the info about him out of your profile, and just leave it blank so he will suffer not knowing the updates in your life. Any girl would be jealous of this, so you aren't stupid for feeling jealous, he is stupid for feeling like he can do this to you and call your feelings about this wrong. Hes a bad boyfriend in denial.




-TheTeenGirl

That is highly rude to your parents and you need to show the boys that you won't tolerate that kind of talk at all. Tell them firmly that they better stop, and if they do it again, don't let them come over to your house for a day. These guys just sound cheap, they don't need to talk to you sexually at all, especially not in front of your parents. Yes, you'd better say something, because that is unbelievably disrespectful to you and your family that has to listen to your perverted friends. Boys can be perverts at lots of times, but to do it in front of family, is out of control, I'm suprised nobody has said anything. I suggest you talk to them immediatly and stick with your word to show them that you're serious.




-TheTeenGirl

I don't think theres much to say, you were both cutters, thats it. You both were cutting, and now you aren't anymore. Just don't talk about it anymore, its the past, so leave it there. Cutting isn't a past you want to remember.



-TheTeenGirl

When you ask, it makes me want to tell you to go to a private school and start over, because of the way you ask, "should i go to a new high school ( a private one bc i cant move) ??? or just stay where i am and be pretty sad." But, I'm thinking that maybe staying in public school with your friends would be better. You don't have to not be friends with them, try bonding with one of them, hang out more, or for the heck of it, find new people in your classes and start making friends and small talk, because going to a new school makes me think you'd go and feel even more sad because you don't know anyone, and then you just shut yourself out. High school is very different than middle school is from what I've heard. I am starting my freshmen year soon too. You meet a lot of new friends, different people, its a lot more fun. Theres more people, so that means you gain more friends. I don't want you to skip the opportunity of trying public high school. I truly think it will be a decision you won't regret.




-TheTeenGirl

You don't need to change for your best friend, you need to do what best friends do when there is a problem. You talk. Ask her if she is upset with you, or dislikes you in some way. But, ask her for the truth. Just say, "Listen, [Amy], at times, I get the feeling you don't really like me, is there anyway you can tell me if you've gotten tired of me, or tell me the truth about what might be going on?" If she says she does like you, bring up examples of what made you think so, like, has she ever avoided you? Remind her of times when she was rude or avoided you. And if she does say that you're annouying or something, ask her what you do that gets to her. Don't change until you realize you really do have a problem that effects people around you.



-TheTeenGirl

I think you shouldn't even be with this guy. Is it really smart to get with a guy that will cheat on his girlfriend? You both just sound like people who just lie to each other. You told him you have a boyfriend, hes kissing you even though hes with another girl. Him telling his cousins he 'loves' you means absolutely nothing. Its obvious this guy is going to get his way with you. Hes going to have sex with you soon, and then you'll find out that hes found a new girl he 'loves'. You're being very unfair and disrespectful to yourself by giving yourself up to him. I don't care if you rate me low, I know you will because I didn't answer your question the way you'd like to hear. But I'm warning you that this guy will not respect you, and he doesn't love you.




-TheTeenGirl

Don't sneak out with an Ex boyfriend to watch porn with his friend. I don't know if he'll rape you, but if you broke up with him, then don't start spending time with him suddenly. Just leave him and his friend alone to watch porn or whatever they want. Its not right for you to sneak out with him. So don't bother going with him.




-TheTeenGirl

I don't think its important to prove her wrong about her being too good for you. You should never have to prove that to someone. She sounds selfish to me. I think that you should try getting a different girl, a girl that will see how good you are by giving you a chance. Honestly, you deserve much better than this girl, and this girl doesn't deserve to have you or be proven by you that you are good enough.



-TheTeenGirl

Stop there. Your boyfriend is pushing you into having sex? Thats not right. You shouldn't have sex whether you feel ready right now or not, because this guy is pushing you, and it won't be healthy if you give him what he wants because he tries forcing you. It will not be committed if you go and do it. You need a serious talk with your boyfriend. When you say you aren't ready and he pushes you in anyway, you say (firmly) "Listen, I said no, I am not ready, so stop pushing so hard." You have to say it like you mean it, but if he starts copping an attitude with you, then you need to end it with him before you do go with it and make it only committed to yourself. I think you're going to end up breaking up with this guy. Nobody should ever try pushing you, some guys can get impatient, but pushing is crossing the line. You have to be careful with what you do.




-TheTeenGirl

Theres no right or wrong answer. But I can tell you that lots of guys like giving girls their first kisses and other things they havn't experianced. It may be akward being 18 and never been kissed, but its not like its abnormal. Its your business about who you've kissed, and whether you have or havn't. But, you'll know its the right guy when he accepts you for your inexperiances.




-TheTeenGirl

Thank you for asking me.I really think that before you two started talking, you should have made him tell you what the deal was with you guys breaking up and it being blamed on you. I think that you shouldn't give your ex another try until you get some answers from him. If hes rude just because you talk to him, then hes not a great guy. I understand that you really like him still, but it sounds like this guy is just treating you wrong. If you don't ask him what happened, then you'll never know what mistake you could have made. Its probably his mistake. Don't ever date a guy who won't tell you what happened the first go around. As for getting him to talk, just ask him what happened, if hes rude, then don't talk to him. He doesn't deserve to be around you if you aren't allowed to know what happened. So basically I'm saying that you need to straighten out what really happened in the past. And please don't try so hard to get him to like you, because you've got to stay your own person, and if he doesn't want you for you, then hes not going to work.





-TheTeenGirl

Ok, I doubt the way you're going about this situation with your dad is the right way. I think you should talk to a close adult, maybe a family member you might have a chance to bond with and talk to your dad. I'm saying that you shouldn't tell your dad like that, you tried, it didn't work. But don't just go up to your dad and say, "dad, I'm depressed and I wanna kill myself." You don't need to include suicidal thoughts so quickly. Tell him that you've been down and whats got you down. Maybe your mom not being around upsets you. But, when you just flat out say that you want to kill yourself just sounds silly and you want attention. You have to ask him for some help. And just tell him that you're really sad and you need something that can help you feel happier. And if he still doesn't really come around, I suggest telling your mom once you get the chance and maybe you could see a therapist. I've been to a therapist, they aren't rude, they aren't stupid, and they aren't for sissys. They're people who listen and give advice. And I think what you need is a listener.





-TheTeenGirl

You can't make your friend stop. But, you can encourage her to not make out with guys, shes way too young to be making out. And, I think maybe talking to your parents about what you should do is probably a good thing to do because they might talk to her parents about it. I'm pretty sure her shrink will tell her differently then what shes said. Kissing is a normal part of life, but not when you're 12. But, most likely, shes just going to have to make 1 life changing mistake and she'll get it. But, I think talking to your parents about how you should handle this would be a good thing to try.




-TheTeenGirl

You still had your bad behavior this new year, 2005. Which is why your parents can't believe you yet. You stopped your behavior about 4 months ago, thats definetly not a lot of time yet. Its too akward for a girl to get drunk, sneak out and do sexual things with guys and then suddenly change. You getting raped was probably the biggest change in your life. And who knows, if it weren't for that, you'd be still out having sex. I'm not saying that its a good thing that you got raped, nobody in the world deserves it. But, now you probably realize what can really happen if you disrespect yourself and your parents. You can't push trust on yourself from other people. Its too early, you did this for about a year. But, sometimes talking to your parents about how much you realize how bad something that feels good, really can be.



-TheTeenGirl

There isn't just one peticular weight a guy wants. Some guys like girls skinny, and some guys like lots of meat on a girl. You'll never get an exact scale or weight. Besides, you shouldn't try to please guys with your weight. Everything about your weight is your business and is only lost or gained for yourself. When you're married, its ok to lose weight and look attractive for your spouse. But right now, you'd just be going for a low weight just to get guys, and you shouldn't use your body for that.


-TheTeenGirl

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

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