Siren_Cytherea's advice column

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Q: What do I do to get a guy to like me and want to ask me out, or be noticed in a innocent way? Also what are some signs of whether a not a guy likes you?

I'm sorry to tell you that you can't really "get" a guy to like you and want to ask you out. You can, however, get him to notice you. The best way to do that is to talk to him.
Bottom line is BE YOURSELF. If the guy can't like you for who you are, then you don't want to be with him. It's much too tiring to keep up an act all the time. So be yourself around him.
If you don't know him already, get to know him! Then if you still want to go out with him after you get to know him...ask him out yourself. It's perfectly societally acceptable for girls to ask guys out nowadays. It IS the 21st century, my dear.
As far as whether he likes you or not...does he flirt with you? Does he turn his body towards you when you two talk, or at any time? Do you ever catch him staring at you? You ever find him trying to get closer to you? Does he stop and talk to you in the halls? Yes to any of these could mean he likes you.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: What should i do when i've fallen for the right guy at the wrong time?

OHHHHH, I know EXACTLY how you feel! I met my dream guy, just when I'd decided that I wasn't going to have anything more to do with guys. It took me a little over a month to admit to myself that I liked him, and another month for us to go on a date.
We're still together.
I say let what happens happen. If it's meant to be, it'll happen, and there will be nothing you can do about it (trust me on this one, I fought my crush on my guy as hard as I could, but it, ah, didn't work). If it isn't, then it won't happen. Just let fate do its thing. Or god, if you don't believe in fate. ^_^
Hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: how do u get a girl to want to go out with you?

Wellllll, you can't really "get" a girl to wanna go out with you. If she wants to, she wants to. If not, she doesn't. However, you can try to convince her to give you a chance by being really sweet to her.
But whatever you do, do NOT change for a girl. Don't change for anyone. If you're gonna change the way you act, change for yourself, not to get a girl to like you.
If the girl can't like you for who you are, you don't want to be with her.
So basically, be sweet, be gentlemanly (hold doors open for her and the like (that means stuff to girls, trust me)), be nice, be confident (but not cocky), but most of all, be YOU. Talk to her. You two have to be able to have a conversation, otherwise the date would be both awkward and boring. Lol.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: I am 14 and my boyfriend is 18 but we are madly in love ...so we had sex about a month ago and i havnt had my period....we were also protected with a comdom but you know they are only 85 % protective...so i have been looking online about signs of pregnacny and i seem to have none of the signs except of a late period...i told my boyfriend about it and he said to wait till the end of october and see if you get your period..so im gonna wait and then take a pregancy test....but theres a 50 50 chance i might be and if i am...im not shure wut to ..is there any way i can get by this with out my parents knowing ?? is there any way i can kill the baby before its nooticeable...?? ...can i i have an abortion with havniing my parents know and can i have it before it get noticeable? or is there any pill i can take that can kill ??...i know its wrong but i dont know wut to do so plz tell me...thanks!!
~*shadysladys001*~

Oh my. You know, stress can cause a late period. How late is it? If you're panicking about it, that can make it late. I had a late period after the first time I had sex, because I was kind of panicked about it. (I wasn't on the pill at that point.) I'd probably wait 'til the end of october.
Unfortunately, there is no way for you to get an abortion without a parent's or guardian's consent. Whatever you do, DO NOT try to give yourself an abortion. It's really, really dangerous. If you are, in fact, pregnant, you need to tell whichever parent you trust most, or maybe even one of your relatives. You can't handle the whole pregnancy thing alone.
As far as the whole no signs of pregnancy, watch for morning sickness. That comes when you're six weeks pregnant, I believe.
You might not be pregnant. If you're not on the pill, your periods probably won't be regular anyway. I mean, before I went on the pill, my periods always came every other time 23 days, and 31 days. So don't panic. Your periods will be irregular for a damn long time, lol.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: My last boyfriend and I used to call each other *all* the time. I really like my current boyfriend but I'm way to shy to call him! I'm always scared he'll be busy or something and that I will look stupid.

Aww, honey! I have/had that problem. I used to always end up catching my boyfriend when he was, like, shaving, or changing for work, or walking out the door, or in the shower...Lol.
Just tell yourself "I have no reason to worry. He'll be glad to hear from me. I'm his girlfriend, aren't I?"
That's what I tell myself when I get shy/nervous about calling him, and then I call and he's always glad to hear from me, even if I do catch him in the middle of something. Just be confident that he'll be happy to hear your voice.
Or, dial the number really fast before you can stop yourself. I use that trick, too. Lol.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: What do you do if you like somone but you dont want to? And you really think he likes you cause he alwas flirts with you, but your not sure.I'm 13 and a female

Ooh, I had that whole "like someone but don't want to" problem last year...I ended up dating the guy 'cause I couldn't get rid of the crush I had on him.
Take into account his every tiny little flaw and blow them waaaaaaaaay out of preportion. Make yourself so disgusted by the flaws that you can't stand him.
If he always flirts with you, chances are he does like you.
Of course, if he doesn't have too many flaws that you can see...you may have the same trouble I did. Lol.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: I am a 23 year old mother to an 11 month old son and I am still breastfeeding him. I am slowly introducing him to cow milk but he won't be ready for that full time for a month or 2 or 3, who knows. I love breastfeeding but am just about ready to be done with it even though I will miss being a size 36 C. The only thing I won't miss is going back to an A or B bra. I love the closeness and the bond my son and I share from it, but now it's like he's older so it's more annoying now because he is so clingy to my chest area not just to eat but for comfort. He eats 2-3 meals a day of baby jar foods and he loves little finger foods and he drinks juice but will not drink anything but that and breastmilk. He eats really well, but when he wants to be breastfed he gets so fussy and demanding and he puts on this really moody act wherever I am. I am sick of having to whip out my boob when I am with friends or family now. Not just because of how they look at me like, "you're still breastfeeding him?" but also because I am now annoyed by it, I want my freedom back. The problem is that my boyfriend works 2 jobs, he is on his feet from 6 a.m. until 1 a.m. 4 1/2 days a week and it is really important that he gets his sleep at night. Now we only have a 1 bedroom apartment so I need to keep my son quiet at night, so how do I do that? I breastfeed him all night long. It is hard to put him in his crib and keep him sleeping. I am still waking up with him at all hours of the night like he's a newborn!! Although I love to cuddle with him and wouldn't mind sleeping with him a little here and there I am sick of sleeping with him ALL of the time. I want to stretch out again and sleep for 8 hours at a time, not a 1/2 hour to 4 hours only. We are not getting a 2 bedroom apartment until April 1st, and believe me when that time comes things are so gonna change. But what do I do in the meantime? I can't afford formula, nor does my son like it. I heard something about mixing evaporated milk with organic milk until he is ready for full time cow milk. Does anyone have any suggestions? I want my son to become independent from his mommy's breast now. I'm afraid it is only going to get harder to keep him from wanting it the longer he stays attached. Urgent help, advice and suggestions are wanted A.S.A.P!! Thank you.

Just so you know, you may not get many parents on this website. I'm seventeen, but very close with my mother, and we've talked about things like this.
I can understand that you want your freedom back, but do keep in mind that 11 months is still very young. As far as becoming independent from his mommy's breast, I hear that breastmilk is sweet - you might try sugar in cow milk. Just a suggestion. I have no idea how well it'd work, but it's worth a shot, right?
I'm not so sure that it'd be harder to detach him if he stays attached a little longer. I believe my mother said she breastfed me until I was about 2, and I actually made the decision to stop myself. Having a baby, as you well know, kind of hinders your ability to do things, and have free time. A baby is a full-time job, and you've got to expect that you'll be up late with it, and all that, until it grows up.
You probably won't be able to sleep for 8 hours at a time for awhile because your baby is still young. Give him time to grow up - don't rush him. Teenagers are much harder to deal with than babies.
-Siren =)

Q: there is this guy at my school, in my first period class that i really like. we have a lot in common and he's always been nice to me when we talk, and he thinks that i'm funny, too. the problem here is that his friends hate me. could his friends disliking me affect that he might actually like me? and if not do you think this guy does like me? i need help please!

That depends entirely on how much he listens to his friends. If he listens to them, it could be an issue. If not, don't worry about it. Have you mentioned to him that his friends don't seem to like you, and that it bothers you?
I mean, my boyfriends friends all like me, but think he's nuts for staying with such a musically-driven girl. I would honestly turn down a date for a voice lesson. ^^
The "does he like me?" factor has a lot to do with the way he acts when he's around you. Girls are very intuitive, generally. Do you get the "he likes me" vibe? If so, he may. If not, he might not. If his friends are the only thing in the way of him liking you, mention to him that you kinda like him. You never know what could happen! I ended up dating the guy I sat next to in math class, by chance. (We got alphabetized, lol)
-Siren =)

Q: See my friend (who ewveryone is tryin to hook me up with) is blonde hair blue eyes, is into drawing, art, japanese animation, and dresses like me, i mean not gurl pants and clothes but like the arm band necklace and all, and he is the same age and on the other side i am a brunette, brown eyes, and i love all the things he does. Im just wondering if I should dye my hair all the way blonde, and get blue contacts, because Im stupid and like no offense but like ive always loved blondes and wanted to be one, fav color blue, but im not shur if he would like it. Should I change?

The question shouldn't be Will he like it? It should be Will YOU like it?
Never, EVER change for a guy, even just to get his attention. If he can't like you for who you really are, then you don't want to be with him. It's too tiring to keep a mask on all the time. Be who you are. If you want to dye your hair blonde and get blue contacts, do it because you'll like it, not because he will.
It's up to you if you change or not, but make your decision for you, not for him.
Hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: I am 13/f. Ever since I have been dating my boyfriend, I have been thinking things I really shouldn't be thinking. I keep getting all these...desires to do things to him. I shouldn't be thinking things like that, I'm only 13!!! How do I stop?

Heh. Don't worry about what you "shouldn't" be thinking. Age is a state of mind, not being. Keep that in mind.
I admit I've had a bad case of my mind being stuck in the gutter lately, but hey - if all else fails, I say blame your boyfriend for it. Lol.
But seriously, it's hormones. You're a teenager: You have hormone issues, you're growing up, you have every right to want to do things to your boyfriend. Don't worry so much about it. If it bothers you, ignore the desires, but don't push away the thoughts. Those thoughts and desires recognized help us prepare for more intimacy in relationships. In other words, you're normal. Most people have those kinds of thoughts.
I hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: Ok im aditioning for a school play and everytime a start to say my lines infront of my teacher i get so nervouse, shaky, and i just freeze and/or forget my lines. Can someone please tell me some ways how to calm myself and someways to remember my lines better? thankyou all very much, i rate good!

Okay, I never get stage fright, but I went through the same thing. I learned a monologue in one day, went to audition for a play, and totally blanked. Do roll-downs. They help calm you. Stand up straight, keep your knees bent. Start by tilting your chin down, then roll your body down vertebrae by vertebrae (like a reeeeeally slow toe-touch). Hang there for a few seconds, then sloooooooooowly straighten up. You should feel more relaxed. If you get nervous tension (I get it in my hands, and always end up playing with my rings or something), put the tension somewhere else.
OH - and before you go to do your monologue or however you're gonna audition, make sure you know it backwards. Seriously, memorize it, say it the right way, then say every line starting with the last one, and ending with the first one. I did it, and I felt so confident. Try starting at different places, too. If you do that, and you know your lines solidly, just let your brain go on automatic when you're on stage. Think about something totally obscure. Just make sure you don't suddenly click in and start thinking about what you're saying. Lol. I've done that.
I hope this helps - good luck with your audition!
-Siren =)

Q: ok I've been dating my boyfriend for 3 months and hes really sweet! and i like him alot but all we've done is makeout, he's tried to go down my pants but everytime he does he pulls his hand out and starts laughing so i dont know whats wrong. what should i do?

I'm guessing it's a nervous reaction. How experienced is he? If he isn't too experienced, chances are it's the whole nervous thing. Or maybe he's reacting to your reaction...what do you do when he - well, - sticks his hand down your pants?
Your best bet, I'd say, is to ask your guy why he keeps doing that. Point it out - he might not realize he does that. If you point it out to him, maybe he'll stop, or at least be able to tell you why he does that.
I hope I helped!
-Siren =)

Q: what is love? how do u know when u r in love? please help cause i have wanted to know for a long time

Every single person will give you a different answer for this question. This is as big a question as the whole "meaning of life" thing. "What is love?" is just as confusing.
I think you know you're in love when you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I knew I was in love when the words "I love you" slipped out. It just...felt right. When you're in love, you know.
Love is amazing. Love is technically a trick of the brain - a mix of chemicals and all that. But it's become emotional. Love, to me, is knowing I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't even look at other guys anymore.
You'll find your own definition of love in time.
Hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: is it possible to love more then one guy at a time?

That answer is debateable. I think it's possibly to only REALLY love one person. Love, to me, is the feeling you have when you're with, or when you know you've found the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. What you may be feeling, unless you're in a relationship with both guys (which I doubt), is infatuation. Very strong feelings for both guys, but not love, exactly.
I'm biased towards the whole "love is when you know this guy is the one you're gonna spend your life with" thing because I'm totally and completely in love with my guy and couldn't picture feeling that way about anyone else.
The answer to your question really depends on your definition of love.
But that up there *points to the first few lines* is my opinion/input/two cents on the whole issue.
Hope this helped!
-Siren =)

Q: i am known as the 'brains' of the class cuz im like da smartest. theres dis one kid who always acts ghetto n hangs around people like dat. he is like a bully but not really bullying people around to do stuff. he asks me to copy my homework but i always say another friend is copying it. what should i do to make him stop?

Just tell the truth - that you don't feel comfy letting someone copy your homework. It's as simple as that. If he asks why you let other people, admit that you lied because you didn't know what else to tell him. If he can see that this is the truth, then he should really stop. If he doesn't, talk to your teacher about what's going on, and ask her for advice on this situation.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: on a minimum, how much are u supossed to drink daily?

You're really supposed to drink eight glasses of water a day, but very few people actually drink that much. I drink at least half a liter of water day, judging by evian bottles. Lol.
-Siren =)

Q: hey everyone ok im gay for starters and i have been made fun of my whole life for it and now people at work are starting too and i think im going to kill myself so please talk to me.:(

Think of it this way...You don't really want them to know that they're affecting you, do you? If you kill yourself, that's what you'd be doing. You'd be letting all those assholes that made fun of you know that what they said bothers you. You're stronger than that, aren't you? Come on!
Seriously, don't kill yourself. It's the coward's way out. People need to realize that being gay is not something to make fun of. It's not a defect, or anything. It's a preference. Honestly, guys are easier to deal with than girls. That's why I could lever be bi. Lol. I just hate the majority of my own sex.
I would ignore your coworkers and anyone else who makes fun of you. I don't see any reason to make fun of anyone, gay or straight. It's totally stupid.
Have you ever tried talking to anyone about what you're feeling right now? I don't usually reccomend psychologists, but maybe you could use to have someone to talk to who you know will not judge you, or divulge information you want kept under wraps.
If you need someone non-judgmental to talk to, you can IM me at SirenCytherea on AIM. I'm on every night until around midnight eastern time.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: ok i think i have a problem, i love sex so much i cant explain and me and my boyfriend only do it like once a week, and when we do he satisfies me alot in everyway but when we're done,10 minutes go by and im ready for another round, he'll give me like two good rounds but i always want more,and he'll be worn out. am i un normal or somethin cause i feel liek i need it all day everyday what is wrong with me.

Heh.
You're fine, honey. You just have a high sex drive. You're definitely not abnormal. It's hormonal - if you're worried, or don't like it, it's a phase, of sorts, that will probably pass in time. Your boyfriend should enjoy this...Lol. Most guys have higher sex drives than girls, but to me it sounds like you've got the opposite problem!
If you really need more than you're getting, try satisfying yourself.
Just know that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q: Hi,
This is the first time I am seeking advice from an advice column.
My boyfriend lives in another country and we are trying to have a long distance relationship.I am a graduate student who also works and my schedule is pretty tight,especially during semesters.
I spend most of my week working and attending class and spend my weekends, ctaching up on class work.My boyfriend has a pretty light schedule at his workplace and spends his weekends out with his friends.Every night, I wake up at 2am just so that we can spend time together for maybe an hour or so ( the time difference!!!). Well, this Friday night, he went out with his friends and came back at 7 30am ,saturday morning.I have no problem with him having a good time, I like going out and having fun too.Its just when he came back,he came online ,and seemed really excited about coming home this "early".It bugged me a lot, it felt like he was trying to rub in the fact that basically I have no life.
I don't know whether its the stress which is affecting me, or his attitude.
I would appreciate some comments.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that it's a combination of both the stress and the way he's acting towards you. Have you spoken to him about the way he made you feel? I'm not sure he did it intentionally.
My boyfriend went clubbing with his coworkers and didn't ask me to come when he knows I love to dance and never get the opportunity. It bothered me that he went and was talking to me about how fun it was, but he didn't do that just to bother me. See what I mean?
No offense to guys, but they can be heartless, totally unintentionally sometimes. We also have to take into account that they cannot possibly read our minds. There's no way he'd know that what he told you "bugged" you if you don't tell him. Point out to him, maybe, that you're stressed, too, and ask him to be sensitive to that. He should be able to comply. It sounds like your whole long-distance thing, though, is working. Just COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS! A lack of communication is what really kills most relationships. Just keep talking and everything should be fine.
I hope this helps!
-Siren =)

Q:
Mkay.. im 13 and i am really falling in love with my boyfriend. Like i want to be with him for the rest of my life and ive never felt this way before. How do i know if this is really true love? Is it to eairly to have a serious relationship?

p.s. my aunt found her true love in Jr.High. they got married so maybe it will happen to me!

First of all, age is a state of mind, not being. Just because you're thirteen doesn't mean you can't be in love. I mean, I'm sixteen - I'm only three years older than you, and my boyfriend and I are totally and completely in love. It's not "too early", sweetheart. ^_^
If it's really love, you'll know. Every fiber of your being will scream to you that this guy is the one you need to stay with. I knew I was in love when I couldn't picture myself with anyone else. I love this guy way too much to even think about other guys.
When you stop looking at the way other guys look, you know it's love. Lol. But seriously - you'll know if it's real. It's awesome that you feel this strongly about your guy.
Just make sure you don't get too carried away too soon! Wait and consider all possibilities and all that before you jump into anything.
Congrats on finding a great guy for you.
Hope this helps!
-Siren =)

bio

I'm a laid-back 26 year old with a Psychology BA, starting my MA program, and working my way into the field as quickly as I can. It took me an extra Bachelor's degree (in vocal performance and creative writing) to figure it out, but I was put on this Earth to help, to heal, and to love.

I have made the decision to dedicate my life and career to helping others. I am here to do just that.

I've been a member since 2004, and since I signed up, I've gone through quite a lot and learned quite a lot from it. I'm here to give guidance where I had none; no one should have to go through the difficulties I went through alone.

Feel free to visit my website/blog, if you want to read my experience with domestic violence and my thoughts on it.

***While I do tend to answer mental health and other health-related or medicine-related questions, I am by NO MEANS a licensed physician or practitioner of any sort. Any and all advice I give for these questions is from my own experience or studies.***

If you need to get a hold of me quickly, my screen name on AIM is SirenCytherea. Just let me know you found me here.

I'm a strong believer in the idea that there are no stupid questions except the ones left unasked, so, please, keep an open mind, heart, and mouth.

Siren