Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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im a 22yr old female.
i am currently in a relationship that has been good for 3 years. just recently we have been arguing daily about everything so i decided to move back into my parents to give each other some space. we still argue a lot, the other thing to take into account is he has ADHD (has medication for it) yesterday he accused me of cheating because i did not answer my phone because i fell asleep as soon as i got in from work till the following morning (6 pm till 6 am). I feel he has lost trust in me, i can not even see my friends (which he knew about in advance) with out him kicking off at me. Don't get me wrong i love him to bits but i am starting to loose my tether with it all. please can someone put this into perspective for me? i feel like im going insane (link)
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Yup i have to agree with the others here. if youve already taken such a leap as to leave the place you call home with this guy then it sounds like your subconscious has already taken over and done the work for you and said "ok this is over, we're leaving" and you followed your heart and LEFT. so i'd say unless hes willing to go get help with his issues then i wouldnt go back.
He can always SAY hes going to change but i wouldnt go back until you start to see it and if he stops going to counseling then you threaten to leave him again until YOU feel hes making some break throughs. Im actually experiencing this exact same issues with a good friend of mine and her long time boyfriend RIGHT NOW. ((and SHE has two kids with him)) if you dont have kids with this guy then your not tied to him and should you walk away youll always be able to look back and say he was just a bad mistake that your glad you got yourself out of. If you stay with him, and the controlling continues, youll never have that chance, he'll always have something to jump on you about, nit pick over petty things, and control everyone and everything you do thats not to his benefit. Your a person too, your not his servant, and your supposed to be a team. sometimes people forget that aspect of relationships. They think "all i know is that i dont wanna be alone" and the feeling of wanting someone in their life over powers the knowledge that you are worth SOO much more then serving someone ELSE and being controlled and degraded when they feel you arent doing something right.
I sayu put your foot down with him, hold true to your expectations and he will either respect you more as a person and a woman for being strong or he will cower and if he does then hes not the man for you. You already have brains as a woman, now you just need to find your prince! ; ) good luck sweetie.
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My boyfriend's mom wasn't supposed to be home for another hour yesterday and she walked in on us having sex. She was so mad she couldn't talk at first and then she yelled at me to get out of her house and never come back and she watched me get dressed and didn't leave until I left. Obviously I deeply regret what we did and we shouldn't have been that stupid and I just don't know what to do now. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23. His mom is unpredictable and emotionally unstable and she said she wants to tell my parents about this. I am so humiliated and ashamed and I haven't decided if I should tell my mom yet i don't know if I can handle that right now. Should I? What am I supposed to do now? I can't apologize to his mom or talk to her at all because she hates me now but I want to do all I can to make this situation better. Please help me!!! (link)
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Yup, i agree with the other posters here, youve done nothing wrong. your both "of age" and the only thing she has any right to be mad about is that it was under her roof.
She probably just wasnt ready to see that, thats all. talk to your boyfriend and have him try to have a serious talk with his mom next time shes with him and their alone and she brings it up. ((i know guys dont always know how to talk to their moms)) so maybe what you can do is TELL them to highlight certain points like "i really like her alot and im sorry you had saw that" and let him know that as his mother she will most likely want to vent and just "get it all out of her system" and to just sit there and LET her do it. If she feels her son is really listening to her about something that she considers really serious then she will most likely still allow him to see you because he sat through her talk with him and didnt interrupt. therefore she will think he understands that "this is serious to her" see? ; )
It can be hard to deal with an emotionally unstable person, they LIVE every moment of their lives with their emotions more then their logic. So if he goes by that guideline and shows and tell her whatever it is she needs to hear in order to calm down about it all then everything should be fine down the road.
as for your mom, if you really think this lady will call her and tell her then its better that you jump in front of that bullet before it can hit your mom, because she will most likely make things seem much worse then they actually were to your mom and then youll catch back end of it because his mother painted a really bad picture of you (remember this will be coming from HER perspective) which is that of an irrational emotional thinker, not a sound logical one.
If you can get to your mom first, catch her alone and tell her what happened, and paint the picture for her in a better light so she will most likely defend you even if his mom DOES call yours. ; ) good luck sweetie.
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Well basically I'm used to being in a home with two other people. (My mom and brother) And my husband has a huge family and I keep to myself a lot. And its brought to my intention several times daily by him and his family. And they( since we have no transportation and we give them gas money every time we leave for Dr. And food) said if I don't get out more they won't take me. It hurt my feelings because I love his family. And it feels like he has got them to gang on me. I mean how do they know when I leave and don't when their miles away? I get it its not good to isolate me but with my depression,digestive issues, asthma, etc. It looks like I'm constantly making excuses. Which I really don't. I eat like twice a day a and drink tons of water because my stomach hurts so bad like my stomach is going to explode from pressure.( Not being gross but i don't "GO" for 8 to 10 days.) And when I do I take laxatives and its a all day and night thing. Plus I can't eat dairy spicy foods greasy or acidic. Because of my gall bladder. And yesterday my husband yells "Do something with your lazy ass!" And it upset me. Any advice for me or even tips to help motivate me and push past all the pain to do it? I NEED IT!!!!!! (link)
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can you simply start going for short walks?? maybe start with just around the block at first and then go further from there?? i can tell you now that staying kooped up inside the house all day isnt good for you either. Your breathing in stale air, dust, pet dander, and whatever else is in your house. get out and get some fresh air for a little while everyday if you can.
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My bother moved to Spain with his girlfriend. He lived with her perants. Him & his girlfriend have been kicked out and now have no were to go and can't get back to the uk. Wot can they do or were can they go for help ??? (link)
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do you have family back int he UK you can call and get assistance with getting back home?? are there any homeless shelters you guys can go to for a few days until things can be sorted out?
do you or your brother have a credit card you can use to buy them plane tickets back home??
first things first you need to get them back home so things can be sorted out and find them someone to stay with.
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I've always been considered very pretty and I've always had lots of guys after me... just that they're all either my age, a year older or a year younger, whereas I have friends who aren't even that pretty nor interesting and they have guys that are 3 years older than them after them. Does anybody have any advice for me? Idk... I just feel insecure about this... I don't know why... (: (link)
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While i DO agree with the first poster on many points here, i have to say that there ARE some differences because everyone is different.
I was 14 when i met my now husband. He was 21 at the time. we've only been married for about 4 years but in that time before we were married we had to learn alot about each other, more so than other couples who are the same or closer in age are/were. this is because we were both very intelligent but in different stages in life at the time. The main reason it worked out between US was because he was sweet and shy, and i was smart and tough (but sweet on the inside) and we both were patient enough to wait until we could be together and remain friends until that time. The secret here was that we were both on the same page about life and both had seen so many failed relationships and would talk about what went wrong with those people.
the main message here is maturity, intelligence, and attracting a guy (even if hes not older) by HIS maturity, and intelligence. If YOU act the way you would want a mate to act then you will attract someone of that same caliber. Then you can blow off any guys that are not that way. simple. ACT the way you think an older more mature guy would want his girlfriend to act. AKA like a lady, more mature, not catty or petty and arguing over the small things, and positive but humble. Carrying yourself with a sense of self confidence just by itself will have guys heads turning, and when they do smile at them as you breeze by them. ; )
finding a man thats on the same level as you mentally, and has himself together (life wise) AKA a job, a car, in school, has hopes and dreams and goals will give you all that you feel you need. he doesnt actually have to be OLDER, just grounded and realistic about life. good luck sweetie. ; )
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Hello, you answered "Can You Track A Kik Account" earlier in May this year, and it is to my undersranding, your husband is an exhacker? The only social media I have is kik messenger, aswell as instagram. I have no personal information on my instagram, nor have I ever given any out via internet. I received a messgae on Kik, a man had plugged my ip adress into a website in which had given him where I live in return. (Not my exact adress, but my hometown) He had then sent me a screenshot of the information he had received. This happened just yesterday, and I havent been able to stoo worrying. Is there any way you would know how he got my ip adress (ive been told its fairly easy) and is there any information that my ip adress gives away in which I should be concerned? Im only 13, and although I have the app, I dont know too much about it either. If you know anything about this, that would maybe help me sleep at night, I would really appreciate it! Thankyou! Xx (link)
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no your ip does not give away anything TOO specific. but if the other person knows more about computers then you then they could claim they are your computer and then gain access so certain things. idk in totality WHAT because thats my husbands world not mine lol.
but dont click on any links the person sends you because they could have created a link so that when you click on it, they get your information.
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It's seriously ridiculous. It's a child's play thing! Little girls receiving them don't give a shit about body type, they just see it as a fun, bright colored doll! When I was young I was obsessed with barbies, every time my mom took me to a store with a Barbie, I'd be arguing with her and wouldn't leave without one. I still love playing with them. When I was 7, my mom took me to New York City, and we went into this huge you store and I made my own and ran a barbie fashion show, and I'm not subconscious about my body. And for people who are it's not your childhood doll's fault. It could be peer pressure, you might be obese and insecure about it, or in extreme cases anorexic. Barbie dolls can't put you down or tell you what's perfect (they never did it in the movies and their personality is a good role model for girls), and they certainly can't make you insecure, they're freaking objects, not conscious humans! And there is a model who transformed herself into a Barbie. I personally think it looks a little creepy and fake, but if she thinks it's pretty, that's her decision, not yours. And she works hard for it. And I met her in real life and she is really spirited and nice so you shouldn't judge someone unless you've met them. Like I thought Terissa from house wives was a bitch, but my mom dragged me to some wine store so she could get her cook book signed, and she was nice! Same with big ang (I've met a lot of famous people). (link)
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i totally agree, people just over react to whatever they can sometimes to show that they are going against the grain society has set forth to show they are "different" and want to stand out from everyone else but ridiculing a small childs doll isnt the way to do it. People alot of times can have their own agenda when it comes to certain things in life, and some just like to nit pick when they see the chance.
Dont let those people effect you, if theres a doll you like, if theres a hobby you want to enjoy then screw them and just do it. you cant please everyone in life and to try would be crazy and REALLY hard. lol.
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I sent a few nudes to a guy I met online and he's sent me money in return for them and now he's blackmailing me saying if I don't send him something else then he'll post all my pics on the internet.. Is there anything I can do to stop him? Can the police do anything? (link)
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well im not really sure here, you sure did get yourself in a tough spot though. if you call the police youll have to tell them and they may never even catch him if you dont know him well enough for the police to track him down.
Was your face in these pics as well?? if so idk what to tell you honestly. you might try to just ignore him and never talk to him again and see if that will soften him over time and give up.
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Had sex with this guy - no condom last night.
and now my vagina has this very soft throb. It's not quite super painful, but enough to feel uncomfortable.
Thoughts?
22/f (link)
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it sounds like you just needed to use some lube? and maybe have him slow down a bit until your body can create lube or you can get used to his rhythm, but i would still get some lube. even the cheap stuff from the 99 cent store still does the job.
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I'd like to move out of my parents house and move in a 1 bedroom apartment. This would be my first apartment. I saw some nice apartments that were 375-$435 for 1 bedroom
How much should I have saved up for bills & furniture cost? (link)
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Unfortunately, most property management places will want to know your income and know that you make two to three TIMES the monthly rent just to insure that they will more then likely get their money each month. this is in addition to deposit first months rent, and possibly last, and sometimes they will make you get renters insurance. but you will want to ask about that when you go to see the place.
they'll want to know how long youve been employed and where at, and sometimes do a credit check on you which can take a few days and sometimes they will make YOU pay for it. (ive had that happen before) Ive lived in three different apmts. since i was 18 and im 27 now and in my years of hunting for a place you have to not only make sure you can afford the place but that once you get it, make sure you have money left over to actually LIVE. AKA buying food, doing laundry if you have to pay for water. so here are a few good questions to ask yourself while your making your budget:
once you have first, last, and depost AFTER youve got the place, in your first month how much money will you have left to live? hooking up cable, internet, turning the electricity on.
ask if youll have to pay for water or not and if theres a shared utility room or if theres a washer and dryer inside the unit. if theres none of these you will have to lug your dirty laundry every week down to a local laundry mat and back. ((not fun))
Is there an on sight manager? if there is youll be able to talk to them about any problems your having and they should more then likely be remedied much faster then if you have no on sight manager and you have to call the property management and wait for them to call you back to send someone out.
also find out if its a lease with a stable monthly rent, or if its month to month. if its month to month that means it can change at ANY TIME and you will have no choice but to pay it or move. ((rent controlled is good))
and lastly go and SEE the place in person! look for bug droppings, broken window panes, things that dont work properly, look for black mold in the bathroom and make sure the garbage disposal works if there is one.
Also be sure to take pictures!! and have them printed out once your moved in with the time stamp and date in the corner of the picture! this is one of the biggest issues renters can have with management or landlords. i know cause it happened to my family and we were kicked out because our landlord was able to get away with blaming us for braking things we didnt break. those pictures will be your best friend should anything ever happen. keep them in a safe place.
dont let this overwhelm you, once you get out there and start checking places out youll see how fun it is picking out your first place! = )
and youll feel much more independent and accomplished!
furniture you should check out thrift stores if your on a tight budget or ask family or friends if theres anything they dont need that they could stand to give up. good luck and have fun!!
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We just broke up barely 6 months ago. We were together for 9 months and recently started seeing each other again for a few months.after brake up. He never mentioned seeing anyone else at all. We were together last Wed. and he proposed to her on Saturday? He told me in the beginning of the relationship he was over her as she had left town to be with someone else.I confronted him about being engaged and he was really cruel and cold and nonchalant about it! I feel I'm going crazy because I feel it's wrong to sleep with someone you know has feelings for you, and then a few days later ask another person to marry you? He feels he did nothing wrong because he didn't promise me a relationship but he also didn't make it clearly that he wasn't interested in working things out either. (link)
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i agree with dragon, that this will definitely help you to be able to detect what to avoid this happening to you again, but bottom line what it sounds like here it you got used by this guy and in the worst way.
i cant totally understand your anger in this because what it sounds like is that he actually had feelings for someone else and made THAT person his wife when you were basically his side dish and nothing more. the only thing you can do now is learn from this and be able to recognize later down the road should someone else come along and try this with you.
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I use to use pads but I find them uncomfortable and I don't like sticking things up my vagina because I'm only 13, so what I do is roll up toilet paper ( so it almost looks like a tampon) and put it securely between the lips and it never falls out and it's always comfortable and there's no leakage as long as it's changed every few hours. Is this ok? (link)
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yup, your going to have to use something more as time goes on and you get older. the toilet paper route wont work forever. what you can do is get some scissors and cut the pad to be the shape you want. they also have pads that dont feel like crinkly diaper type material you just have to look for the cotton top style type. it will just feel like your wearing a thicker type of cotton undies that day. other then that its the price we pay for being a woman sorry girly. ; ) good luck.
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I'm 13 and I know that all teenagers have acne but I have an unusual amount. My denatiligist have me a cream but it's not helping. I clean my face with a gently soap and cloth in the morning and evening then pay it dry with a towel, use the cream my dermatologist gave me, and pull my hair out of my face. Even after all of this my face is oily again a few minutes later. With seven kids, my parents really can't afford any of those special soaps. What can I do? Are there any home remedies that really work? Oh, and the acne is in my forehead, chin, and cheekbone area if it matters. (link)
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im in my late 20's now and remember kids having this issue back in the day. i know one thing that really helped was getting some honey, and some cinnamon, mixing it together and letting it sit on the effected areas for just a few minutes everyday. its gentle, and disinfects really well. look up the recipe for it just to be sure but my youngest brother in law used it for a while and it works wonders! you may have to use it twice a day once in the morning once at night but it can really help.
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20/f
There was this guy in college that I confessed my feelings to. He was a bit startled by my confession but he said we could try dating after our exam term is over. After 2 months he hasn't sent me a single text. We live in different towns. It is clear to me that he doesn't like me. I'm incredibly mad that he wasn't honest. I told him that it's ok if he doesn't like me back,that I understand and we can still stay friends. In spite of that he insisted he likes me. And then he went without even acknowledging my existence. I have an exam in 2 days and he'll be there too. I hate liars from the bottom of my soul. I will have a hard time resisting my urge to rip him apart. Confronting him will not help because he just avoids the subject. So,how do you suggest I should act around him? I'm a medical student and I am here to help people,not hurt them. But I really have an urge to kick this guy's a**. (link)
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I have to agree with the others here. if its testing time at school then your probably more stressed on more levels in your head then you think you are. put him out of your mind and just play it cool when you see him during the class you have with him. you can smile and acknowledge him but he probably ALREADY thinks your pissed at him thats why he hasnt answered you because if he knows that you know that he doesnt like confrontation and/or will avoid things then why WOULD he come to you?
Hes probably scared of you NOW. so just calm down a bit, there may be a really good reason right now for why he didnt come to you. so right now all you can do is kind of "kill with kindness" whenever you DO see him and hopefully he will let down his guard enough to tell you what happened. try not to pressure him too much he may turn out the be the type to just start avoiding you all together and actively make SURE your not going to be somewhere where he might be going.
your frustration is warranted i understand the feeling but like the others said you HAVE to try to calm down a little and let the chips fall will they may and wait to see what happens. impatience will never get you anywhere even though it may feel like you need results now. we here on the site understand that your just frustrated and venting right now, but try to keep it together. good luck sweetie. ; )
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The preachers wife is having her first baby its a girl and the baby shower is this sunday and I have no idea what to get her she's 24 around my age if that helps I am 25. Does any bidy have any ideas (link)
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yes the huge thing will be the big question of "well what do you NEED" will she be using cloth or disposable diapers? will she be breast feeding, or formula?? these are all important things to ask that are not inappropriate if you will be at the shower and have intentions of buying a gift, then ask if shes registered anywhere and look for the cheapest item on there if your on a budget.
if you cant afford anything on the budget, you could go to a walmart or an arts n crafts store and look for something to MAKE the baby instead. baby blankets are a great one. you can also pay to have the babies name sewn onto the blanket. ((just make sure you have the spelling right)) ; )
look around some stores for some inspiration first if you need to. good luck.
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ok so my best friend is 15 and i'm 13. we have been best friends for 5 years and we have helped each other through everything. we know everything about each other and have great trust. I know he really likes me and I really like him. He has asked me out twice but ive said no cause ive got scared. I don't know if the age difference is to much or if I should go for it. I don't like anyone else and its not like im desperate and NEED a boyfriend but I really like him. we are both still virgins and he doesn't ever really show that he would pressure me into anything just a typical teenage boy but I trust him. what should I do? (link)
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I personally have always thought age is just a number because i met my husband when i was 14 and he was 21 and we're not only still together but we're now married (im 27 now and hes 34) and we have a son and we're still perfectly on the same page and maturity level and have grown together through the years. So to ME it all depends on the maturity level of both people and if they really want to have a life together (for however amount of time that is).
My mother knew him, liked him, and our parents met and decided it was ok as long as nothing go in the way of either or our schooling, like a pregnancy otherwise it was fine. our parents talked and kept in touch because they both knew how important the relationship was to us both and allowed it as long as there was certain guidelines.
i do agree with the others that you ARE young, and dating for the first few years for your parents might be a rough and emotional time, so try to give them some slack and look at it from their point of view. you are their little baby, they love you and most of all when it comes down to it just dont want to see you get hurt in anyway. so they are feeling new things that before they might not have thought was an issue right now. so try to be gentle when you tell your parents or your mom that boys are starting to ask you out but that you really care for this guy that she already knows, and is comfortable with. The best thing you can do is show your mom that this boy is sweet, good to you, and cares for you alot.
Chances are if they like him then they will be more likely to say its ok, and give this whole thing a chance and let you be with him. if they want to set down some rules then thats ok too, but in my honest opinion 13 and 15 isnt that big of a gap. i was 14 and my now husband was 21 when we met, we were instant friends, we waited to have sex, he stuck it out, and we've been together ever since. so dont let age be THAT huge of a factor. its more about the other persons life experiences and maturity level rather then how long they've been roaming this earth.
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M/15
So most of the time I hang out with my freinds the subject of who would you have sex with comes up. My freinds usaly have a mental numbered list of who they want to have sex with and are shock when I reveal to them that I dont really think about that to much. Also they dont want a relationship with the people they want to have sex with. They just want to bang them and move to then next one and I feel like that thats messed up and it kinds makes me mad when they talk about girls like that. When I think of some one I care about I think of how we would spend time together or how I can make them feel like they are special to me. Dose that make me strange? (link)
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You sound like a much more logical thinker then a sexual one and thats also great! right now all your friends brains are capable of is thinking about sex 24-7. dont let them and their B.S. get to you just tell them "i dont know i dont have a "list" because im just not an OVERLY sexual person" but that you do notice cute girls or whatever but that, a girls snatch isnt the only thing to life. i had this same problem when i was about your age.
All the guys i knew only wanted sex. I could barely have a civilized conversation with them because all they wanted to do was try everything they could to either get in my pants, pretend like they cared for a short time until they thought i would give in, or play video games or skateboard.
Well needless to say it never worked. At 14 i met a young man that was far more mature then the rest, thought JUST like you do, and we've now been together for 13 years, are married, and have a 3 year old. ; )
Im telling you, believe it when we all say that you are different from them in all the best ways a person can be. dont give in to them or their pressure to be like them, find a new crowd if you have to, but do not let up on your convictions and your thought process when it comes to females. you will score the best girl when she comes along and find someone who will last forever. ; ) good luck buddy your one of the lucky ones.
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I am a boy and I am 12 and I like a gril but how do I get her to like me (link)
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yeah i same the samething here. most girls like a guy thats already a good friend because they'll feel like they can be themselves and be more comfortable with them. just be nice to her, try to hear her out when she wants to talk about things going on in her life. girls are more emotional then boys so they will like it if they feel like your listening to them. and invite her to go places and do things with you. if she starts to do the same then you know shes starting to really like you. just keep that going and sooner or later she will tell you how she feels.
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OK, my life sucks. My mother hates me and is doing drugs, my dad keeps molesting me and I can't feel emotions or make friends. Now how the fuck do I commit suicide. (link)
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well committing suicide isnt gonna solve anything. what you need to do is tell someone. tell another family member you can trust because itll be good to have them in your corner and on your side.
it sounds like your in a bad position and just need to get away from them both. talk to other family members about living with them or family friends that you know would most likely take you in if you were to need somewhere to go. then call the police or have a family member do it, file a report, and they'll take care of the rest. you didnt give me enough info here to help you enough so thats the best i can do. but you need to get away from them both ASAP.
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I'm 19/f.
I want to break up with my boyfriend. We've been together for 10 months.
The problem is he's really nice and is totally in love with me. I'm worried that breaking up with him will crush him completely.
I just don't get excited about us anymore. When I get a text from him even if it says hey beautiful-I just feel no emotion. I don't really fancy him.
Recently he's had a go at me for not being able to come on dates. We live like a hour apart. I don't want to go on dates because they bore me.
Also my mum told my sister that I could do better for a boyfriend.
I know breaking up with him will hurt him no matter what. Just I start Uni again soon and would prefer to be single ready to mingle if you get what I mean. I'm just scared also they'll be no one else if I split up with my bf, and I'll regret the decision.
He's an amazing, lovely guy-I just don't fancy him. The type that'd say 'Is there anything I need to change'. Truth is you either fancy someone or you don't.
Should we take a break and see how it goes? he wants to see me more-I'm not so fussed. (link)
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I agree with Dragon. the sooner you tell him, the sooner you will be free and you wont have wasted anymore of your time or his.
just tell him that youll always care for him but that your just not feeling this anymore. That its not him but that you have different needs and wants in a guy then what he is capable (in your mind) of him being able to give. Also height light the fact that your going to be going back to school soon and you both will again have to face the idea of being wayyy too far apart for each other. whatever you do just be gentle because you obviously still care for him on a basic level but just feel like the chemistry isnt there, never was, but that you feel he also deserves someone that can give him more then what you are capable of right now.
make the transition smoother by saying that your still always there for him as friends and whenever he wants to just talk. Eventually once your gone and he see's theres no chance he will move on.
good luck.
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