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boyfriend's parents walked in on us
My boyfriend's mom wasn't supposed to be home for another hour yesterday and she walked in on us having sex. She was so mad she couldn't talk at first and then she yelled at me to get out of her house and never come back and she watched me get dressed and didn't leave until I left. Obviously I deeply regret what we did and we shouldn't have been that stupid and I just don't know what to do now. I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 23. His mom is unpredictable and emotionally unstable and she said she wants to tell my parents about this. I am so humiliated and ashamed and I haven't decided if I should tell my mom yet i don't know if I can handle that right now. Should I? What am I supposed to do now? I can't apologize to his mom or talk to her at all because she hates me now but I want to do all I can to make this situation better. Please help me!!!
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Ok first of all, you both are adults. If you want a sex life, you can have that. It's legal and nothing is wrong with that.
His mom shouldn't have stood there till you got dressed. That's disgusting and humiliating.
You shouldn't be ashamed because you did nothing wrong.
Her son is 23, he's a grown adult. She shouldn't be walking in his room and getting mad that he has sex.
You don't need to apologize to his mom. I don't see why? What happens between you and your boyfriend is between you and your boyfriend. You both are adults so it doesn't involve parents anymore.
I guess you can talk to your mom. But just remember, it's your decision and you didn't do anything wrong.
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First and above all else you did nothing wrong. You and her son are adults and you are entitled to a sex life if you so desire one. His mother was wrong to have walked in on you without knocking and waiting to be invited in; after all her son is 23 and entitled to his privacy even if he is living in her home.
His mother was also wrong in not leaving while you dressed. Here again you are an adult entitled to your privacy and certainly your dignity. You do not owe her anything she owes you an apology and as someone old enough to be your grandfather, I would say you have every right to demand one from her. Not only did she walk in on you two but she humiliated you by standing there and watching you get dressed. I can't begin to describe how humiliating I think this was or how you must have felt.
As for telling your parents. My advice is to tell them before she does. Remember the best defense is a good offense. I know having this conversation with your parents or just mom may be hard for you but trust me it will be a lot easier if you get to them or her before your boyfriends mother does. Just remember you are an adult now entitled to all the freedoms of an adult which includes a sex life if you want one.
Last, if I were you I would have a talk with your boyfriend about how he needs to explain to his mother that he is an adult entitled to his privacy. She can no longer just waltz into his room as she please. As for what she saw with you, she was so very wrong for how she reacted for there was nothing wrong going on. Two consenting adults were indulging in a mutually consenting adult activity and she needs to apologize to you.
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However emotionally unstable your boyfriends mum is, and however much her unstable and inappropriate actions and comments have imprinted a feeling of guilt and humiliation on YOU (which they WILL do I'm afraid), fact is you have done NOTHING wrong or inappropriate. I would tend to step back, take a deep emotional 'breath' as it were and wait for it all to blow over. Which it almost certainly will. I would not suggest that you be in any hurry to pre-empt her threat by talking to your own mother. Neither do I think you have anything to regret, apologise for, or feel any responsibility to make the situation 'better'. Unpredicatble people are predictable, in that you can almost rely on them them for a totally disproportionate and inappropriate respone to most things. Which she has done here. It's not your problem, it's hers. Front it out. Precisley WHAT power of sanction has she actually got over a 23 year old man, or you either? The "watching you dress" bit was totally unacceptable behaviour. Don't let her get to you. Your boyfriend should be behind YOU all the way in this issue too, and show no signs of doubt. X
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Yup, i agree with the other posters here, youve done nothing wrong. your both "of age" and the only thing she has any right to be mad about is that it was under her roof.
She probably just wasnt ready to see that, thats all. talk to your boyfriend and have him try to have a serious talk with his mom next time shes with him and their alone and she brings it up. ((i know guys dont always know how to talk to their moms)) so maybe what you can do is TELL them to highlight certain points like "i really like her alot and im sorry you had saw that" and let him know that as his mother she will most likely want to vent and just "get it all out of her system" and to just sit there and LET her do it. If she feels her son is really listening to her about something that she considers really serious then she will most likely still allow him to see you because he sat through her talk with him and didnt interrupt. therefore she will think he understands that "this is serious to her" see? ; )
It can be hard to deal with an emotionally unstable person, they LIVE every moment of their lives with their emotions more then their logic. So if he goes by that guideline and shows and tell her whatever it is she needs to hear in order to calm down about it all then everything should be fine down the road.
as for your mom, if you really think this lady will call her and tell her then its better that you jump in front of that bullet before it can hit your mom, because she will most likely make things seem much worse then they actually were to your mom and then youll catch back end of it because his mother painted a really bad picture of you (remember this will be coming from HER perspective) which is that of an irrational emotional thinker, not a sound logical one.
If you can get to your mom first, catch her alone and tell her what happened, and paint the picture for her in a better light so she will most likely defend you even if his mom DOES call yours. ; ) good luck sweetie.
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A) Your boyfriend should have told his mom to give you a minute to get dressed, regardless that it's her house you don't deserve to be shamed like that.
B) What you did wasn't wrong, and don't let her tell you it was. Maybe the timing was wrong but nothing else.
C) I don't talk to my parents about sex, period. But in this situation, it might be best to get in front of it and tell them what happened (of course you can leave out sorted details). Maybe just tell your mom she caught you guys in a private moment and really freaked out. Sometimes moms are great tools and regardless of her feelings about you sleeping with your boyfriend, her first urge will be to worry about you. Your mom might even have some advice for you.
D) In terms of the apology, ask your boyfriend. He knows her best, and will help you to know what to say. He should be apologizing and taking responsibility too. Don't shoulder this guilt on your own. Give her time to cool off before you approach her. And when you do, make sure your boyfriend is there to step in if things get heated. Good luck!
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By law at 18-years-old you are in most places in U.S. and Canada viewed as an adult. At 23-years-old your boyfriend is an adult.
Even if his mother isn't thrilled about this at your age you both have the right to choose to be sexually active and engage or not.
You didn't do anything wrong and did what was indeed a natural thing because you are in love with each other. That's a good thing.
I doubt the woman hates you but rather had a great "shock" she wasn't ready for and in the moment lashed out at you. Then again she may be super over-protective of him. In which case he has to make her aware of how important you are and that he's making sound choices and wouldn't be doing this with you if he weren't being cautious and wasn't committed.
What do you do? Well, rather than have his mother call yours which she probably won't tell your mother you have something that you're mortified over and embarrassed about and ask her advice on what to do and how to handle it especially if the woman is mentally unstable as you say.
One thing that may be a good idea if mom agrees is to invite his mother into your home to meet your family and see that you aren't a bad person at all and nor are your family for her and her son.
In the future if engaging in said activity make sure it's in a place where you can't be walked in on and promise that to everyone. I'm sure you won't be permanently banished or unable to see your boyfriend. It's likely anger and shock in the moment at seeing you both. Believe me a lot of people get walked in on so this isn't an uncommon thing.
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