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should i date him
ok so my best friend is 15 and i'm 13. we have been best friends for 5 years and we have helped each other through everything. we know everything about each other and have great trust. I know he really likes me and I really like him. He has asked me out twice but ive said no cause ive got scared. I don't know if the age difference is to much or if I should go for it. I don't like anyone else and its not like im desperate and NEED a boyfriend but I really like him. we are both still virgins and he doesn't ever really show that he would pressure me into anything just a typical teenage boy but I trust him. what should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Do it life is short. i am pretty sure he feels the same way about you.he might be shy.just do it casually.
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I personally have always thought age is just a number because i met my husband when i was 14 and he was 21 and we're not only still together but we're now married (im 27 now and hes 34) and we have a son and we're still perfectly on the same page and maturity level and have grown together through the years. So to ME it all depends on the maturity level of both people and if they really want to have a life together (for however amount of time that is).
My mother knew him, liked him, and our parents met and decided it was ok as long as nothing go in the way of either or our schooling, like a pregnancy otherwise it was fine. our parents talked and kept in touch because they both knew how important the relationship was to us both and allowed it as long as there was certain guidelines.
i do agree with the others that you ARE young, and dating for the first few years for your parents might be a rough and emotional time, so try to give them some slack and look at it from their point of view. you are their little baby, they love you and most of all when it comes down to it just dont want to see you get hurt in anyway. so they are feeling new things that before they might not have thought was an issue right now. so try to be gentle when you tell your parents or your mom that boys are starting to ask you out but that you really care for this guy that she already knows, and is comfortable with. The best thing you can do is show your mom that this boy is sweet, good to you, and cares for you alot.
Chances are if they like him then they will be more likely to say its ok, and give this whole thing a chance and let you be with him. if they want to set down some rules then thats ok too, but in my honest opinion 13 and 15 isnt that big of a gap. i was 14 and my now husband was 21 when we met, we were instant friends, we waited to have sex, he stuck it out, and we've been together ever since. so dont let age be THAT huge of a factor. its more about the other persons life experiences and maturity level rather then how long they've been roaming this earth.
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IF you were my daughter and you want to date him in the true definition of dating; my answer would be no you should not and cannot date him as you are too young. Now in today's world you young people have a different definition for dating than we did. If you mean by dating that He walks you to school, you hang out together with friends at school and when you are together as a group. This would be okay with me.
While a 2 year difference in age is no big deal down the road when you are older; right now the age difference is equivalent to spanning the Grand Canyon. He is two years more mature than you, has a lot more experience with dating then you have and experience you need to gain by going through the process he has already been through. For a girl this process is a little more restrictive than for boys for the obvious reason and is also why you should not skip this step and jump into dating older boy.
I believe you know in your heart that dating a 15 year old is not right and your parents if they knew or found out would object. This is the reason you are writing us. My suggestion is you sit down with mom and talk with her about dating. A good way to do this is to ask mom for some you and mom time, maybe a trip to the mall together for shopping or just lunch out someplace. Tell mom you need some girl talk time. When you are together simply tell her boys are asking for dates and you don't know what to say or do. Then sit and listen to mom.
You may not like the answers, just remember this. You are the minor and like it or not you must live by their rules. Mom and dad will lighten up on some of the rules for dating when they learn they can trust your judgment. This trust is something all children have to earn, it does not come with the territory of being their daughter or son.
Listen to what mom says, ask questions but the responsible thing, the trustworthy thing to do is not to argue or start screaming she is being unfair. You can ask if there will be exceptions to any rule you fine unjust. Then go from their. This is how you will build trust with mom and dad and earn the right to date somewhat as you please sooner rather than later.
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If you are not going to have sex yet for a few years and he is your best friend, then I don't see how things would change. Dating at your age is pretty much like the hanging out together that you've done growing up. You might ask your parents what guide lines if any that they may have for you dating. This is something they may not haven given thought to yet but its time now.
If your parents know him pretty well and realize that this is the guy who'd like to "date" you, be ready to answer their questions as to what, if anything would be different from him being your best friend to being your boyfriend also. Hormones that come into the picture at your age will be a concern for parents. So if you both can tell them that you feel you are too young for that yet but are starting to feel the romance feelings besides friend feelings, then perhaps that would entail being able to cuddle together while watching a movie, holding hands and maybe the kiss in greeting and kiss goodbye. The heavy kissing can lead to more.
If your parents don;t know him, it may be time to invite him over a few times so they get used to him. I've heard from plenty of teens where the parents let their girl start dating earlier because they really knew the guy well from him hanging out with their family a lot and knew he would treat the daughter with respect and was her best friend. If you have parents who don't communicate well or talk to you much and are paranoid about the subject of sex let alone talk about dating guidelines, then it will have to be up to you to do what you are comfortable with.
So talk with him and ask what things he see's changing or other things that would be new to your friendship if you were to start dating. Always ask questions. You got scared because you did not have enough information to make a decision. If you do decide to date and at some point in the future, your urges are running out of control and you dont think you have the willpower to hold off having sex with him, then go to Planned Parent hood. they deal with teens often, hand out condoms. But even that isnt the most reliable, and you may be the age at which they will put you on the pill, and its all private, parents dont have to know. I am not advising you take this path, your body has a lot of maturing to do yet to have sex but I see no reason to not hang out with him as boyfriend/girlfriend.
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