about

I'm a mother of 2 boys who are 13 months apart. Talk about a handful. I'm a wife to the best husband I could have ever dreamed of.
I'm one of the very blessed.


I have Bipolar 1 Disorder. I hate taking all these medications and always going to doctors appointments, but life is too short to let mental illness get the better of me.


Often times life is a challenge, and nobody knows that better than me. I wake up wondering if this is going to be a day my illness overpowers my meds, and either sends me flying like a bat out of hell, or leaves me laying on the couch like a wet dish rag.


Thank all that is good in the world that I have an excellent support system at home.
I'm one of the lucky ones.


I'm honest, and that can either be a perk or s flaw. Depends on how you choose to look at it.
I like to see it as a perk, because it's better to hear the truth than to be told candy coated bullshit.






advice

Mangy Momma,

I do understand that if a question is for a specific columist,hands off,,what I need to know is that I notice questions dated today but are answered by different columist,so is it ok to answer questions that have already been answered by other columist? Also what about questions answered previous dates and they are answered by different columist,is it ok to go back and answer them also or are they just old news?..or do I just work with "be the first to answer these" ?.

Your Advice would be so appreciated,

Thanks,
Columist Val

Hello!

You can answer any question you like. Even if it's got 5 answers (or 50), if you feel you can help out, feel free to add your input.

Date doesn't matter- if you find something from yesterday, or even a couple months ago or older, that you feel you can help with, go for it!

So many questions get approved into the pool every day, that a lot of good questions get lost in the shuffle that can still use good answers.

Happy advising! :-D

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So, this question is gonna sound really, really stupid but I'm desparate for an answer. I'm a sophmore in high school and about a year ago, I stopped being friends with my best friend and when that happened I didn't have that many friends and still only have a couple. I really wanna start hanging out with people but i just don't know how to ask. I've gone on sites that had examples of what you should say when you are socializing but its all really corny stuff that people my age would never say. This is such a dumb question but when you start hanging out with someone for the first time (not dating, just friendship)how does it all work out? Do you just say, "wanna hang out" and stuff like that? Do you go in groups? Do you call them or ask them in school, or ask them online? I wanna ask people but I don't no how I should do it while looking cool. If you could give me exact examples of what you say or dialogues that would be great. I'd also prefer it if people like my age could answer (like in high school or whatever). Any other advice would be great. Thanks so much!

Well, I'm not your age, but I can tell you if you try to sound cool, you'll likely sound like a fool. You don't want that for certain.

If you are trying to meet new friends, you don't just blurt out "Wanna hang out?" Rather, you just kinda spark conversation about this or that. This or that being something you have actual interest in.

You will know if you and this person click. If you do, that's when you ask, "Hey I'd like to talk to you some more. Want to meet up later?"

I wouldn't go up to a group and try to make yourself a part of it. You would be better off getting acquainted with one person from the group, who will in turn introduce you to his/her friends.

ygs-29/f

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16-f

my boyfriends birthday is comming up in about 2 weeks he's gonna be 17. We've been dating for 7 months and i dont have like any money so my moms gonna have to buy it and she doesnt have much either....he like gummy worms so i was thinking of getting him a big bag or sour gummy worms & maybe 2 shirts that i think he would like...does this sound like an ok gift??

any more ideas??

Why don't you get some kind of decorative jar with a lid and fill it with gummy worms? Get him an extra bag or two to refill it.
You can't go wrong with what he loves, and buying a decorative jar (or something similar) would save money compared to buying shirts.

ygs-29/f

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okay so i no that sounds worng but here is my story. Okay so i do have friends but a friend it supossed to be someone you trust. well i cant trust anyone. one if my good friends talks stuff behind my back and i no that but she like "controls" one of my other good friends, Sally. Sally is so fun around me but when she gets with the other girl she changes. and it sucks cuase she talks about me to. and i hate it godd. my life sucks right now i cant trust anyone! i need help

Yah. Not very good friends, are they.
Best thing I can tell you to do is try to branch out and find new friends. I promise that there IS someone out there who is in your shoes, and would love to have a good trustworthy friend.

I know, hard to do, but you just got to go out and make yourself available for new friendships. How do you do that? Just go around sparking conversations with different people. You will know right away if you and another person click.

ygs-29/f

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I just lost my virginity yesterday and I used a condom but some precum did get in my vagina because I put the condom on the wrong way the first time then I switched it to the right way and reapplied it.

I'm on the 3rd day of my period now and I'm pretty scared that I'll get pregnant.

How long do I have to wait before I can take a pregnancy test that will give accurate results?

Wait to test until you are overdue at least 2 weeks for your next period. This is because, assuming you are a teen, you are still not likely regular.

STRONG WORDS OF ADVICE:
Good for you for being a smart girl and practicing safe sex with a condom. However, if the condom is put on wrong again, better safe than sorry- USE A NEW ONE. Don't reapply one that has already been used.
Yah, it didn't see it's full use, there, but it was still a used condom. If it was inside out, then turned around, then neither of you are protected from STDs.

I've been seeing all over the news lately that statistically 1 in 4 teenage girls in the US have an STD. So protect yourself.

ygs-29/f

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My wife and I had been married for over four years.
I have ADD and high anxiety which I'm not taking medication for.
I had a pretty good paying job but was laid off early 1n 2007.
My eyes started giving me problems before the lay off but I did get them checked out while I still had insurance.

Found out this year that both of my eyes have cataracts. I've attempted working at three jobs but my eye sight prevented me from passing the probationary period.

Here's my issue. I had a step daughter that had always found a ways into getting into trouble. Everything you asked her not to do, she went ahead and done. The computer she would stay on Instant messaging, My spacing all her friends till early morning.
I gave her so many chances but she proved to me she didn't care.
Her mother and I constantly fought about her because every time I tried to lay the Law down, the discipline was always to severe.
Even if it was just a few weeks without the computer.
Then she started on the phone..the same thing.

My wifes daughter wouldn't barely do any thing in the house.
And after her mother and I told her we expected more from her since she was 16, like washing clothes, doing the dishes...she made sure she washed only her stuff when begged, ( and if she washed three loads of clothes, it would take over three days and then you'd never find them put away) until I got so tired and fed up with her and the way me and her mother fought all of the time because how she ran the house, I made her move out when she turned 18 and graduated.
My step daughters every other word was profanity, and I don't think that she once told her mother or me the truth.
And Lord if you found her in a lie ( which was always ) she would cover it up with another one. She never admitted to anything she done. From bringing guys over when her mother and I were gone, to finding a ways to explain why she messed around with her best friends boyfriend.

Well, My father and mother passed away with cancer. And I made sure that no body smoked in the house. My wife and I don't smoke.
My wife invited her brother over ( or he invited his self ) and in both houses we used to live in, he smoked in each one, not caring.
And my wife let him and to this day, if he wanted to visit...I'm sure the same thing would have happened.

Well again, on Christmas eve of 2007, her daughter wanted to spend the night with us, to be there on Christmas. She smoked.

When I went down to visit my family in Alabama, mysteriously as it sounds, my wife let her daughter move back in knowing full well we never got along. Knowing full well her daughter never listened to one rule of the house, never helped out.
Then one day out of the many fights that broke out in the few months her daughter stayed there, my wife asked me to leave. And I did.

Amy, was I asking to much? Showing respect seems to be a thing of the past in today's society, but the way my wife handled each situation, and the way her daughter and her whispered and told there secrets, was it fair or justified at the way things were handled?
It seems as though the many things I accused her daughter of doing, my wife finally told me that yes, she did smoke pot, yes she was smoking in every room in the house when she ( her mother ) was in the hospital, yes, she fooled around with boys when we weren't there.

But instead of digging in deep and finally sticking up to her guns
and giving discipline to her daughter, it was easier to let me go.

What are the parameters of a marriage? Just because a person has children, does that erase the morality or any since of any opinion I may have had? I love her mother very much, but would I be asking for more heart ache if I tried pursuing this marriage. I don't want to walk away from this marriage. To me I think the Lord gave her to me, I'll get counseling and change anything I can.
But if I'm going to be the only one who'll attempt to change, will
this be visible?

Thank you


Something you all have to start doing is respecting one another. Your wife has to respect you by seeing to it that your wishes DO matter. Your step daughter needs to respect your home.

You have to respect your wife by not criticizing her parenting skills (we all make mistakes), and you have to respect that all of the fights about your step daughter most likely has a lot to do with her disrespect for you.

And because the girl has been the topic for several heated debates (she's not stupid, she knows) you should apologize for that. Yah, she surely owes you an apology, too, but don't get hurt if you don't get one. Because you are right- you can only do so much on your end, but making that step to say your sorry is the right thing to do.

I fully understand why you don't want smoke in the home. Is it really worth fighting over? No. It's not.

Remember that there is no bond like the bond between mother and child. Encourage that bond, don't discourage it.

ygs-29/f

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okay, i just kind of need to vent and maybe yall can give me advice on what to do.

So me and my boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago, and not even 3 days later he had a new gf. i was upset of course. but the reason he broke up with me was because my ex best friend lets call her kelly. told him i cheated on him, and i didnt and his new girlfriend was just a rebound girl. He won't talk to me because kelly has him beliving i hate him. which sucks so bad, we ALWAYS have this awkward eye contact in the hallway and theres a few occassions where ive caught him starin at me nd watchin me walk in the hallways and stuff..i still like him if you haven't already figured out and i dont know what im holding on to or if i should at all. i mean what would you do? I'm too shy to talk to him because i have a feeling he hates me or something of the sort and its hard to say what all kelly is saying to him and shes always all over him in front of me and she has a boyfriend. Am i dumb for still liking him? i mean i just keep thinking that all that awkward eye contact means something, i could be wrong though. Any advice what so ever?

Why would you be dumb for still liking him and holding out hope?
What I'd do? Tell him that if what she said was true, you certainly wouldn't have lost your boyfriend AND told your best friend to take a hike at the same time.

ygs-29/f

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Where could i find dragnet season 2 the one with "the big high" my moms been looking for it and she cant find it. Help? Thanks.

If it's not out on DVD yet as said below, when it DOES come out:
If all else fails, search someplace like Amazon.com since they seem to have just about everything.
Or you can check with Hastings. If you have a local Hastings store, if they don't have it in stock, they'll look it up and order it for you if it is available.

ygs-29/f

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well there is a guy i meet not too long ago from a friends bday party, at first i saw him i didnt realli pay attention, but i kno i dont like him anything more than a friend, but recently he ask me on a date, cause i own him a favor so i accept his date invitation... and then he told me to meet him at at a place for a movie , i waited for abt 20-25 min he did not show up so i decided to get something to eat, then i called him to confirm that if he is commin or not, he did not pick up his call then 5 m ins later he call me back, i told him that i will meet him up at the theater ard movie time so i hung up ,,, did i do the rite thing???? what should u guys do if this is ur situation????? im totally confussed of my feelings. but something for sure is i dont like him at all as a couple he is even ok for a friend, i barley kno him realli




thx guys!

You did fine.

If I were in that situation? I'm assuming he didn't show at all? You didn't really specify that.
I'd be relieved, really. Sounds to me like you didn't really want to go on the date, but did because you "owed" him.
Now you owe him nothing, and don't have to do the whole awkward "out on a date with a guy you don't want to date" thing.

ygs-29/f

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I always have to pee, whther I'm drinking water or not! It's very disturbing, and I'm sure that my teachers are ticked off of me asking if I can go to the washroom every time. I even go after lunch so I won't bug my teacher but 20 mins into class, i had to go again! What can i do?

I agree that you should see your doctor. Frequent urination could be a number of things, and your doctor should see you.

DO NOT avoid drinking water.
DO try to void your bladder between classes.

Let me pass on a tip: I'm 3rd trimester pregnant, and I know your pain. Some days I consider just moving into the bathroom since I spend so much time there.
I was told that when I go to urinate, to be sure to lean forward to put pressure on the bladder in order to help it completely empty. Maybe that will help you a bit? Worth a try, anyhow.

If you feel your teachers are getting upset with you, you can take them aside and explain to them that you are having a problem with frequent urination. (Well, I can understand that would be embarrassing to tell a male teacher...) They will be more understanding than you'd think.

ygs-29/f

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HELLO,
My 16 year old neice stole my daughters $350 sunglasses she bought with her own graduation money at a family x-mas party. This week I saw my neice wearing them. What to do. Parents are unapproachable and can be hostile. What should we do?? Neice is in counseling for similar issues.
Carol

I agree with the columnist below- you got to say something, and you got to get those sunglasses back.

Her counselor needs to be made aware of this incident, so her parents NEED to know, whether they want to hear the truth or not.

I also agree that the best way is to say that you are understanding and not mad, that you just want the sunglasses returned.

I mean, really. If she were to have got caught stealing such a pricey item from a store, she'd be prosecuted. So by bringing this to her parents attention, you are actually helping niece in getting over her problem.

ygs-29/f

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Ok So my bf and I had unprotected sex. I KNOW the whole "omg you shouldnt ever do that without protection" I know.. Well Im very worried of course. He used the withdrawal method and Ive read studies on precum on how it may not contain sperm depending on certain circumstances such as if hes previously masturbated or gone to the bathroom. Ive done the withdrawal method before when i was less experienced with it and found when i did it before i was very less careful. I didnt get pregnant though. im not due for my period until the end of the month so im worrying myself and maybe for nothing but how can i keep from being worried? FYI when we had sex he is like 100% sure he didnt get it in me and it was like 3 days after my period so it wasnt my most fertile time. any advice would be helpful! thanks!

Word of wise- Don't trust a teenage boy who says he's 100% sure "he didn't get any in you." Actually, don't trust an adult male who says that, either. Not saying that he would lie to you, but better to be safe than sorry.

So. Before sex, do you quiz him on whether or not he has previously masturbated or urinated? Yah, that doesn't do much for the whole mood thing, does it? So, you don't know, and it only takes one out of the millions.

And, you can get pregnant at ANY time, no matter what your fertility cycle is. You can get pregnant during your period.

I'm not trying to freak you out. I'm just trying to make sure you are aware.

How do you keep from being worried? You don't, really, until you know for sure. Until then, you can try to keep your mind on other things, and push it to the back of your mind.

Not only for pregnancy's sake, but for safety's sake, start using condoms. One who is responsible enough to have sex should be responsible enough to protect themselves. Condoms are the only thing you got to protect you from STDs.

Recently, it's all over the news that 1 in 4 teenage girls has an STD in the United States.
1 in 4!

You deserve to protect yourself from that. If you can't afford condoms, the health department generally hands them out free of charge. Don't be too embarrassed to ask, because there is NO shame in protecting yourself.

Ok, ok. I know, I'm lecturing. But I wouldn't if I didn't care.

ygs-29/f

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hey guys:
i have no choice to do this for advices, i have an older sis, she is married but now she came back to live with me and my parents cause of some reason. 1st of all she decided to marry EARLY b/c she said she found her love of life, and have a kid rite now, she dropped her college b/c of him and her kid, she made her choice!!!!!!! well now she decided to cont with her education so she came back home so my parents could help her take care of her kid! but thats not the onlything she want, since i follow my parents will i go to college i be the BEST I COULD possiblly beening, but my parents seems like her a whole alot better,i need a car to drive to skool and im gonna pay for it, all my parents do its use their credit (since i dont got none) now she saw me gonna get new car, she want one too, and lab top, new car and want my dad to pay for her insureance too, i mean i think its her own fault that she made bad choice from the begining and now she is commin back ask my parents for whole alot of help
and my parents arnt rich at all working family as well but she its just keep askin askin and i dunno how am i gonna deal with her !!!!!!!!!!!!! any thing would be nice thx guys for reading this long note

I agree with Razhie.

Yah, she's needing a helping hand from your parents, but she's needing it in order to make a better life for her child.

When you move away from home and have kids, especially if you do so when you are young, going to college isn't near as easy as one may think. It's hard to juggle a baby, a home, bill paying, and schooling.

Sometimes you HAVE to ask for help. Sometimes, you need a whole lot of help and support from your family.

Yah, she needs a car. She needs means to go to college, she needs a car to have means to transport her baby, she needs insurance to legally drive that car, and she probably needs a lap top for college studies. She needs the help of your parents to provide a good living environment so she CAN attend college. She needs the help of your parents to look after her child so she CAN attend college.

Your parents are helping her because they want to, or else they would have turned them away.

If your going to fret and stew over this, try to keep that baby in mind, who is innocent and helpless and deserving of a decent shake at life.

Also keep in mind that you can take comfort in this situation. Why? If you ever get down and out, Mom and Dad will help you get back on your feet again.

ygs-29/f

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I'm a 42 y/o single man. Less then a month ago my best friend died in an accident. I have not been able to come to grips with his death. I have recently been having thoughts of ending my life. This happens whenever I am alone, especially at night. I have lost loved ones before, including my parents and brother all within a year of each other, but I never felt this type of despair, or loneliness. I am afraid I may eventually give in to my suicidal urge. Can anyone help me?

When you are alone at night and you get to feeling this way, ask yourself, "Would best friend want me to feel this way? Would best friend want me to end my life, or go on with it?"

Grief counseling may be just what you need. I strongly suggest you seek that help immediately.

ygs-29/f

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Ok so I got my ears pearced in January 2008. Well on my left ear there is a huge bump of infection. The doctor says they dont need to do that side. But 2 am this morning i woke up with pain in my right ear. The earring has gone down in my ear and it stings!!They say Im going to have to get a shot on the ear so itll num and they can take it out. But I hate shots soooo much!!Today, March 13, at 2:30 p.m. that is when i get my shot. And Im scared and I want to know does the docter give the shot in the fat part or cartilage part? Please PLease tell me before 2:30 p.m. central time!It is 11:34 central time right now!!Please Help!

13/f

Most likely in the fat part.

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okk..
details..
me and my boyfriend have been together for 19 months... he has liked his ex. and my best frends before.. while we were going out. but i forgave him casue we have been through alot.. it yeah we love eachother.. but a while ago i had a ONE day thing for this kid.. it was stupid and nothing.. he found out.. it took a while for him to belive me but he did.. and things were amazing. we just stopped fighting and everything was good. i completly stopped talking to the guy.. he never stopped talking to any of his girls and i dont have one guy i talk to.. hes kinda jelilous..lol ok so now the SAME ex girlfrien he had a thing for told him that when i liked this guy we kissed. witch DIIIIIIIIIID NOT HAPPEN.. but he would rather belive her than me.. i love him and wanna be with him so how do i get him to belive me.. he already called the guy and he said he didnt.. but he still dos not belive me..
what do i do..?

So.... He's taking ex girl friend's word over YOURS? What kind of deal is that?
You can talk to him about it and try to straighten it out. But to be quite honest, if he is such a jealous guy, you can talk and talk until you puke coat hangers and he STILL may not believe you.

If I were in your shoes?
I think I'd be moving on. I know, that's hard to do. But really, his past behavior and the fact that he holds more trust in what the ex says over what you say tell me that you can do a whole hell of a lot better for yourself.

ygs-29/f

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well my exboyfriend and "babydaddy" came pick me up this past friday we were just gunna hang out have a few drinks well we ended up sleeping together and he has a gf ughhhh so heres my problem am i supposed to tell her what happened cause he is def not going too she has a right to know even if i dont like her i mean i would want someone to tell me so what should i do TELL her or NOT??

I agree with soundslikepink.
Yah, you may still harbor feelings for him. That's natural- you created a child together. You are forever bonded through your baby.

BUT. He is no good for you, obviously. He's sleeping with you while girl friend is sitting at home (or whatever) innocent and unknowing. Gee. Did he do that to you? If you got back together will he do that to you? It's not a healthy relationship to have.

At this point, best relationship you can have with him is what involves your child ONLY. No going out for drinks and hanging out. It's not about you anymore, and it's not about him. It's all about baby. Trust me, I know.

Now, do you tell girl friend? No. It's not your place to say. You are also the bad guy in the situation. No since causing more problems. Maybe you think it will ease your guilty feelings? Too bad. You bought that guilt, so you own it. Sorry, but that is how it is.

Don't be taking matters into your own hands to destroy girl friend's world. Yah, she does have the right to know, but not from you. You may think you would want someone telling you, but maybe she doesn't want that.

What if he plans to stay with this girl for the rest of his life? What if you tell her, and this effects her to the point that she wants to use this situation to try to keep him from seeing his child? It's been known to happen. It's a lot more common than you think. And when it happens, the "grown ups" don't stop to think that the child is the one who's taking the fall for their mistakes.

Just let it go, forget about it, move on, and don't let it happen again. You'll be far better off.

Like said below, you need to spend your time focusing on your baby. I know how hard it is to not be free to be you and do what you want, but that's a part of having children. It's all about the child, now.

ygs-29/f

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im 13;
and am like a type A in my size bras ...
almost all my friends have bigger boobs then me
its kind of embrassing.
i was wondering if theres any type of foods
to increase your breast size?

Well, you could stick a couple of oranges into your bra in order to use food to increase their size.

Oh, you mean foods you can CONSUME... My bad.

No.

Everyone develops differently. Yah, you are a size A, but you are only 13. Give your body some time. You never know, you may be 18 with a D cup.

You don't want to rush it, and you have no need to be embarrassed. Almost all your FRIENDS have bigger boobs than you. So how about the rest of the 13 year old girls in your area? Likely there is more than one who is in your same shoes.

ygs-29/f

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canyou be pregnant and still have your period because i still have alot of signs is it really possible??

Well that all depends. You didn't describe your period. Was it normal? If so, pregnancy is not likely.
If it was short and light, it could be what is called "break through bleeding." But don't take that as a sign that you are pregnant. You could have just been having a light period.
You need to get a test to be sure.

Here's a good link for early signs of pregnancy:
http://www.whattoexpect.com/pregnancy/ask-heidi/week-4/pregnancy-signs.aspx

ygs-29/f

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im 13 years old ,
and i have had pimples on my face for a while now there also on my neck back and chest.
ive been washing my face and useing witch hassel
and taking backton a over the countor persription
but yet; i still have pec marks from picking pimples that arent going away i was wondering what age is the appropiate age to stop getting pimples and how long does it take to get these pec marks to go away.
P.S i will apericaite all the answers i can get .

thank you,

Well, when the pimples stop varies from person to person. I can tell you that you shouldn't pick at them. You can cause acne scars, which are pock-like marks that don't generally go away.

I'd say that if you are having acne troubles, you can try some over the counter acne treatments. If those don't work, you can see your doctor to get prescription treatments.


ygs-29/f

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