Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
Answers: 822
Last Update: June 30, 2016
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adviceman49
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Does anyone know what i can make at home to get me off? I want to try anything new other than my hand. (link)
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Are you a male or a female?? an electric tooth brush can work wonders on the clitoral area, and if your a male the vibration from it under the balls are works well from what im told. just put a soft thin material over the head of the brush and turn it on.
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F/18. You see I'm sharing an apartment with my best friend from six years (middle and high school) and its only been three months and a few weeks but I feel... strange. Its like I'm slowly getting to know her for real. At the beginning of the semester she dyed the tips of her hair blonde (I mean like yellow-yellow and not just tips, practically the whole half of her hair). She's the type of girl who's always wanting to do things right and is proper when needed to be. The thought recently occurred to me... that maybe... she's been trying to... I don't even know how to put it. It seems like she often tries to impress with her shorts and her dyed hair and her supposedly innocent acts where guys have flirted with her but she didn't notice. Sometimes I feel kind of bad and self-conscious when I'm around her and we're accompanied by people, because compared to me:
I'm thin and flat-chested, she has more body;
I'm shy and don't talk much or have a flirty/witty attitude of any sort, she talks much more than me and has a reachable personality;
She is way smarter than me.
She is younger than me by a few months yet she drives and I haven't gotten my driver's licence yet (I actually haven't had time to get something other than my Learner's Permit)
She has also done a few things I'm not very fond of. She takes a lot of the space on the cabinets in the kitchen and the fridge (we're two and the place is not that small so there should be enough space for both... yet there isn't); she's ditched me on various occassions for different things and different excuses; she's always interested in many guys and is quick to get all the attention.
I guess I just want to be mre upright and have more personality but I'm torn in two here: Who's really wrong? Me? Because of my image complex and posible feelings of jealousy towards her life and how she is able to do things I can't.
Or her? Because of the occasions in which she has not supported me/been there for me/ ditched me/comments on how I'm a 'twig' or 'boney' with a playful laugh that actually bothers the smithers out of me(yes I do not know if that Word even exists but in my mind it does)/shot down my dreams (she always has a "fact" or an "opinion" about my ideas or my style of dressing or... you get the idea).
I already said to myself that next semester I would start a new me and try to be more outspoken, confident, etc. I actually feel bad about
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Ok, it sounds like there could be a little bit of jealousy going both ways here, and like most females the passive aggressive approach is famous.
By her cutting down dreams that youve had, shes trying to keep you under control and below her for some reason which says to me jealousy somewhere we just dont know where yet.
You've openly admitted your jealous of some of her attributes which is ok because thats natural. its a "the grass always looks greener somewhere else" type of thing. Im sure you have good things about YOU that she probably doesnt have and wishes she DID.
If shes ditched you on a few occasions that that says "i value other things and other people more than out friendship" to me. So i say, GO make that time if you can to get your permit and become more upwardly mobile. Develop your own life because you two are not attached at the hip and you will one day have to stand on your own just like everyone else weather she is still in your life or not.
Making comments that your body looks this way or that signals she might actually be jealous that you are more thin then she is and she doesnt like that so shes turning your natural thin build into a bad thing. (which TRUST ME it isnt cause when you get older and have kids, youll still look amazing and she probably wont ; ) hehehe)
Try having a talk with her about how you feel when it comes to agreeing to store things where in the house since you deserve to have a say in it too. maybe try a gentle "hey can we talk? i noticed that it seems like theres not much storage space here and there and IM THINKING if we do this or that, it might help leave more open space for this or that" THIS WAY she will be forced to either agree or cut down your idea as a friend and thats not very nice, and see how she reacts. best friends dont usually want to cut down each others suggestions right away.
If she DOES have a bad reaction you are well within your rights to say "ok well it was just a suggestion, we DO BOTH live here so i thought i would help organize" it will make her feel bad/guilty before you approach her come up with a solution FIRST so that your ideas and suggestions dont come off as abrupt and she doesnt feel attacked or like she has to put her defenses up.
good luck sweetie ; )
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Hello Advicenators: I have a Asus RT-AC52U Dual-band Wireless-AC750 Router. I have it connected to the Comcast box that is in the house for WiFi now. I am having difficulty completing the ser up. I can not seem to open the "launch browser" that the instructions mention. I tried entering the generic # they also give for set up with no success. It came with a install disc but I don't have a drive. I have a Samsung Google Chromebook. Any further instruction you can give me will be appreciated. Thanks, Dzadzy
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go to your wireless settings and select the name of your wireless router. you have to choose what you want the name for YOUR unique wifi to be called. lol
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if im horny and a girl what do i do about it? (link)
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if you can you might want to get someone thats older that you trust to order to either a dildo or a small vibrator. Vibrators are small and very easy to tuck away somewhere so someone ELSE does not find it. Dildos are a bit bigger and more cumbersome when it comes to concealment.
for someone thats very young but feeling the urges we all do, i feel that this would be the best solution. its safer than sex with a person who could get you pregnant because neither of you know what your doing yet.
you can also get quite creative with an electric toothbrush if you dont have the money. I feel the education on this is important because NOT knowing is what leads to pregnancy.
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Hi, so currently I am pretty sure I gained weight. Shorts that were huge on me now fit me perfectly and I feel like some of my pants are tight for me now. Does anybody know how I could possibly loose weight fast, like in 2 weeks or so? (link)
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well it may not be in "two weeks or so" but usually counting calories helps alot. staying well under 2500 a day (depending on how much junk food you eat a day) try to eat things are low in calories, try to walk or run, drink more water, if you have eat meat, eat only baked or grilled meats like chicken and no fat. This will create a slow but steady weight loss for you that in the long run will help you KEEP the weight off.
((my uncle is a doctor so i get some of this from him)) but try checking out calorie counting websites. its really as complicated and as much work as you think it might be. ; ) good luck.
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I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for years, until his family moved to Alabama. I chose to stay behind to take care of my grandparents. They raised me, I feel I owe them. Now Nick's back and pushing me to choose him over family again.
How do I tell him that while I do love him, I would be unhappy living far away from my family? (link)
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This can be a tough one. I made it clear to my husband when dating early and on all our hours upon hours of talking about everything in life that i could never just up and leave my family. This is my home (its his as well and his family is here and wouldnt want him to leave either) he has ALSO been offered a great job that was across country but after talking about it, turned it down because he loves his family as too much to leave as well.
So you see, its really the kind of thing where you need to try to not have fear about all this and just SAY, i care about US alot but this is my only family thats ever really cared about me and i cant just up and leave them like that and see what he says. Stay calm wish him the best of luck with his new job and that youll always care for him. This will be a test to see how willing he is to make things work with you. this will tell you his determination, and devotion. it did for me at least, and although it WAS a test it was ALSO the truth of the situation.
I'd rather be just OK and making it in life and working and still with my family then without them and have boatloads of money because then, i'd have no one to share it with. Its just not the same when you have to travel hours to get to your family. Also, adjusting to a whole new place youve never been to before LET ALONE have to LIVE there for who knows how long. Its lonely as well because hes at work all day while your still at your new place trying to make it comfortable, and then theres tackling getting to know the lay out of the land of this whole new place!
I just could NOT handle that. In my opinion you only have one family and only so many of those relatives ACTUALLY care about you, so i say stay close to those people if they stayed close to you in the past and tell your man this is how it is and im gonna leave this choice to you but i cannot just up and leave my family.
My mother was dying from breast cancer up until about 3 years ago when she finally passed away. My husband was offered an amazing job across country, and turned down the job. I took care of my mother until her last breath, even up rooting from across town to find a place as close to hers as possible so that i could even WALK to her if need be (which i did with my brand new baby boy in a stroller and he was only about 4 months old) just to make it possible to care for her so she wouldnt have to leave her home and die in a hospice. well i did it and i could not be prouder of myself for staying with my family for as long as she was alive. My father is now ailing and he will be my next family member to die most likely and im not having to help HIM more and more while being a stay at home mother and my husband works a lower end job that isnt at the same pay grade he could have gotten had we moved away and we could not be happier. ; ) think about it. good luck.
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Greetings!
I have a challenge for you. A challenge for the minds of detectives.
I am now under home arrest for 10 months without trial because I went for a cup of coffee and police invented a false report. My trial is near and I have a challenge, a plea for help an innocent person.
If you just want to take the challenge without knowing the details then jump to the paragraph HENCEFORTH
WHAT HAPPENED
On December last year, I went for a cup of coffee to the coffee nearest to my parents house, 50 meters away, 11 AM. I arrived there, there was only one person present at the entrance of the coffee, a guy I had never seen before in my life, the inside was totally empty.
Henceforth, I was in good mood and made small talk with the guy who was standing on the door of the coffee. We made small talk for 20 minutes.
Then, 8 SAWTs arrive, park, get out of the van, insult and menace us both. I very politely said they had not right to treat citizens like that, except for a good reason, which I demanded. We identified ourselves, and emptied our pockets.
In my pockets there was nothing against the law. Just tobacco, some coins, my cellphone, a lighter and a keyring with 2 (two) keys.
Both keys were the keys to my parents house, where I lived at the time.
In front of the coffee, there was an ancient remains of a market. There were several doors at the back of the market, near the coffee.
Then, after a while of searches in the place, one cop decides to grab my keys, test it on several of the doors in the back of the coffee's front, and the key to my parents house opens one door. 3 seconds after (before the cops had to time to even see what was behind the small chamber to where the door led) I am cuffed behind my back and dragged to the floor of the police van.
During the process, I begged several times for the cops to walk 50 m, go to my parents house and see that that key was the key to my parents house.
One cop meets me there, and asks "Who was above me?", I believe he was asking for whom I worked for. I explained I hadn't a clue about what he was talking about. He got angry, and said he would be right next to the judge and that my fate was doomed.
Meanwhile, the other guy who was in the front of the coffee, also enters the van, cuffed, because he too had a key to the said door.
At the police station my father calls me, I ask him to come to the station ASAP and bring his and mommy's keys (exactly the copy of the my key which had opened the door). He goes to the station, the same cop that met at the van met him, my father showed him his and my mother's keys, and assured that the key I had was a copy from those keys, they had given me. The cop said he was rather busy and left, without comparing my keys with the others. Furthermore, in his report, he fails to mention at all the fact that my father had been there at all.
Later I discovered that behind that door, on a small compartment was 0,5kg of Hashish and that the owner was the other guy, who obviously understood I had nothing to do with it.
On the next day, I am presented to the judge. When the judge read the report, I was terrified, the cops had written that they had made a surveillance, saw two persons approach to buy drugs, that they made the order to the other guy, and that they had saw me entering and coming out two times from the said door, to pick up the drugs, give them to the client. The client would then give the money to the other guy.
Yes, because the other guy had €100 in notes on his pocket and in the past was under arrest several times because of drug dealing.
Funny thing is, if my role was to go to the small chamber to pick up the drugs, then why on Earth the other guy would also have a key with him? Any cognitive capable person would obviously hide the key. He was busted with me because he had the key with him. So, why on Earth would he (we) be that stupid?
Of course, what the cops said is an utter and absolute lie. They did saw me during 20 (twenty) minutes at the front of the coffee...but that was all. Two guys did approach the other guy, but I step aside to the entrance of the coffee, as to distance myself of what the other guy was doing.
I am, since that day, for 10 months now, under home arrest, waiting for trial.
I had and have a good paying job (Internet based), taught at Universities, have 30 published books by one of Portugal's top publishers, have no criminal record, etc?
I had arrived at my home-town 2 (two) months ago. I lived outside my home town for some years and so I was catching up with my parents.
And working on my paid job and scientific, artistic and philanthropic work.
In my opinion, the only rational explanation for cops having lied that way was seeing me there with the other person for 20 minutes, then they open a door with my key... I believe they were convinced that I had to be involved. They knew I had no criminal record, I always told it was the key to my house, and justice in Portugal is very soft. Cops get frustrated all the time when they catch real dealers and they walk away in court. So, given the circumstances, the cop, convinced of my involvement, decided it would do better justice "for all" if he gave that helping hand.
HENCEFORTH
The big day was scheduled. My Trial will be on the 3rd of Nov.
So, the reason to this story is to ask you all for help. All things play in my favour, everything. If they find a drug dealer in any prison in the world with my CV, then put in jail for life.
Except, of course, two lying cops that will repeat on trial as witnesses what they wrote in the report. AND THAT'S QUITE SERIOUS.
I have a crucial, necessary, and vital request which is the following:
In court, when my lawyers interrogate one cop at a time, in separate, what type of questions could make them contradict themselves because, they DID NOT see me going from the coffee's entrance to the small chamber. Furthermore, while I was there, nobody went to the chamber.
The lie starts when they say I moved from the coffee's entrance, went to the small chamber, entered, went inside, came out, and then delivered something to people who had approached the other guy.
This is a lie. Being a lie, it's always possible to think of some detail that will make them tell two different things and, henceforth, show in court they are: a) liars; b) don't have a clue about what they saw or not
So, what question would you make each different cop to achieve the means of making them contradict themselves?
What would you ask. What details do you think it could be a good source of potential interrogation points.
I have prepared screen-shots from Google Maps of the place, so you can see where was what. Also, an aerial view to thing about where the observation was done.
Here they are:
http://postimg.org/gallery/cakdw4my/
aerialviewofthezone1; aerialviewofthezone2; coffee map; coffeentrance; frontal view of the coffee from the street; small chamber view close; view to the left of the coffee; view to the right of the coffee
Thank you very very much in advance.
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Well it sounds like they think you were involved in SOME kind of way, weather you were the one to go back to "the chamber" or room or not. You could be mistaken for a "look out" for the real criminals and thats why your being dragged into this.
On a personal note, its PROBABLY not the best idea to be chatting it up with some shady person thats just standing outside of a coffee place ALONE and doesnt have a reason to be there. If the place was empty then get your coffee and sit down or take it to go. It just makes it look all too perfect that your standing there with the guy even though you didnt mean to. You were clearly in the wrong place at the wrong time and your got burned.
there is nothing you can really do at this point except HOPE the cops contradict themselves or that the judge will ask the questions your asking HERE to the cops that caught you and hope he sees the holes in the case. Maybe your defender can focus mainly on this being a wrong time/wrong place kind of situation and that you had nothing what so ever to do with any of this. you were an innocent bystander who was chatted up by a criminal right before HE was caught for what he was doing.
The cop that was supposed to compare the keys obviously didnt care enough to see if they matched and technically he doesnt have to listen to anything your parents say because they could come down there with ANY OTHER KEY or copy of a key. it may not be admisable in court because you could have told them to do that. idk how the laws work where you are enough to be able to help you here, but it seems like you just accidently got caught up in something you really wernt involved in. all's i can say is good luck and i hope they see that you wernt apart of this.
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19, male. So over the past few months I've changed my perspective on many things. A few months ago I would have never behaved how I am now. It just seems like everything around me is fake. I've been planning on bringing an escort to my house as soon as my visiting family guests leave. I don't see the point in having a normal relationship at my age. I don't have the time for it anyway. My last relationship ended because I was always at work. Every time I see couples, they seem so fake and generic. Like everyone follows a made up standard of how a relationship should be. To add to it, I no longer see the point in being all emotional. Once you fall for it, if anything goes wrong, you get hurt. I let that happen to me before. I ended up ruining a friendship and slowing down my own progress with my life goal endeavours. So why should I put myself in that situation again? I'll actually save money and time by seeing escorts. No one gets hurt and I help the economy, along with gaining experience. A few months ago I would have disagreed with myself. I just don't want my friends and family to find out.Ironically, a lot of people think highly of me. But they're not going to understand, everyone's view on what's right and whats wrong is different. I bet if there were a guaranteed no judgment setting where nobody could judge them , they'd do things they would never do now , cause there'd be nobody around to tell them they're wrong. And I know the risks of STD's. The dilemma there is that someone you love and trust can give you one too. So there's no way to be completely safe from it. I honestly see more pros than cons, the cons are mostly universal in the fact that they can be found in normal relationships anyway. But the pros seem to heavily outweigh the cons, I get to stay working, I could focus on my goals, I get what I want, and I save time and money.How am I wrong for this??And I know it's selfish,but you need to be selfish to succeed, I'm not living and working for other people so. Just can't let my family and friends know. (link)
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I have to agree with the others on two points here. You sound very motivated work wise, but your actually putting it at risk by hiring escorts. Should you get caught, well.....obviously you know already based on what the others have said. So your only setting yourself up for failure there.
It also sounds like right now youve got break up syndrome, weather it was all that recent or not, your showing the classic signs by saying whats real and whats not anymore, i dont know kinda stuff. Really, its in every word you spoke here....
Also, being successful in life does NOT mean you have to be "selfish" thats a foolish outlook on life. TRUE you do have to dedicate alot of your time to working toward your ultimate goal but your also trying to pave the way for yourself and set up a future for you a any possible family you will have one day and there is nothing wrong with that. The only danger is you have to make sure you dont overwhelm YOURSELF in the process.
My husband is an admitted work-a-holic ok, very great at his job and works long hours to bring home the bacon for me and our toddler but its something to admire and any future female that understands hard work is what it takes in this world will admire that too, not sneer at it or try to discourage you.
Dont self sabotage your future by hiring illegal women to come around when you want a flesh and blood female. Go to the store or online and buy a toy if you need that certain something.
also i want to remind you of the important statement that people care about people who care about themselves, and you clearly dont right now. Try to do some things in your free time that make you feel good about you even if you dont right now. Buy yourself a few new clothing items, or things you been really wanting but havnt gotten. you would be surprised how a new pair of shoes or a hat, for a guy can make him feel a lot less stressed and a little happier knowing that hes looking good even if its just for right now.
People who take care of themselves are usually seen as "having it all together in life" so even if you dont just try making it a habit to start taking care of yourself a little more here and there everyday. try something new.
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Hello, 20 year old female. I am going out Friday night and Saturday night at school to hang out with my friends for Halloween and I had an idea to go out Friday as nice Sandy and Saturday as Sandy after the make over. My question is, would a poodle skirt and blouse be a cute costume for a college party? I can't seem to decide if it is or not. I'm not asking if it's "sexy" so I pick up guys, I just think a poodle skirt could potentially be too jr high. Please help! (link)
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Sweetie ITS HALLOWEEN!! thats the beauty of it! its the ONE day of the year you can dress as anything you want! lol.
just have fun with it and own it and people wont care. ; )
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I have this friend that censures people 24/7 and she thinks it's hilarious but I do not. Recently, she saw my mom, my mom has a small cyst on her face and she made fun of her. It really offended me. She keeps telling me that her whole family criticizes people (as always, she thinks its funny), and I don't know how she can be proud of that. It just shows how immature her family is, and turned her into the immature child she is now. We had an obstacle course test in PE a few days ago (I'm the most unfit skinny person you might ever know) and we had the longest running time cause I'm not used to physical activities and all my groupmates are mad at me including the one that made fun of me, and she has this attitude where you tick her off just a little bit, she ignores you for a really long time. What should I do? I really dont want to go back to cutting myself with shards. (link)
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How "real" can you be with this girl? if shes a good friend try to be gentle and let her know that not everything she says about people is hilarious.
We all have our off days where we'll say something that we thought was funny but wasnt after it came out of our mouth or sounded good before it came out.
Im really admiring your patience with this girl because she honestly sounds like she just shoots her mouth off without thinking first, which no matter how your raised, as you grow up you need to learn that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated by others. So someone needs to put her in check (somehow) before she opens her mouth to the wrong person one day and get hurt.
Maybe you can try just jokingly asking her to ease up a bit with the making fun of people. Start doing it slowly in a joking kind of manner and see what she does. If she says some crap about "this is what shes used to because her family is like that" then say "well everyone elses MIGHT NOT BE, so "lets just make sure we're not offending people all the time"
As a female usually small hints like this over time get her to start rethinking her position.
you could also try distancing yourself from her for what seems like no reason, wait until she asks you if something is wrong and then just tell her your "tired of her mouth and the way shes ALWAYS making fun of people" and that she "needs to just chill out a little because its old now"
OR ((and this is just me)) i would start finding something to make fun of about HER when she makes jokes about people EVERY SINGLE TIME she does it, and when shes offended, say "well im just doing to you what your doing to everyone else?? whats the matter??" and then laugh. sometimes a taste of ones own medicine can help.
Use your best judgement based on her personality and go from there. usually the "wellll.....its not that funny, its OLD now so stop" thing works with people like that from what ive learned.
Give her a chance to redeem herself once youve made your feelings clear. you might also try getting the other friends you have that dont like what she does to agree with you so that you can do this to her all at once. She'll see that shes slowly losing friends one by one and "no one likes what shes doing" and decide to change. If THAT doesnt work then just get all the friends around you to agree with you that what shes doing isnt right and its really cruel and mean spirited and just get them to all ignore her at once until she decides to stop.
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Gender:f age:15
I really like this boy. We used to talk like ALOT. But he's made other girl friends and talks to me less. We have been friends for a year. I want to ask him out but I dont know how. He's asked for my number, and he likes to make dirty jokes with me too. But I'm the only one he makes dirty jokes. I really don't know what he wants either. Once my friend was like" aw you guys dating? . You cute" he got really red and it was awkward cause I really like him. He got jealous when I was talking to this boy (the boy was my cousin and he didn't know) I caught him staring at me he really red and had snapped a pencil. But why would he distance himself if he likes me you know? But anyways, I just want to know how to ask him out,if I should, and for. What reason would he distance himself? Tysm. (link)
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Yeah it sounds like he likes you and is making sexual jokes with you because hes either very comfortable with you to the point where he feels like he can talk with you about anything, OR hes trying to get you to see HIM in a sexual or more than just a friend kind of way by indirectly making jokes about such things. hes trying to plant the idea in your head already from the looks of it.
I would try just getting close with him while your sitting next to each other and finding a convenient time to give him a peck on the cheek or something thats innocent enough to just barely cross the friend line and see how he reacts, play it totally cool, STAY CALM and if he acts like he doesnt like it then play it off and pretend like it was just apart of the joke you were currently making. Maybe link your arm in his when your walking somewhere and if someone says are you a couple then "jokingly" say yes and look at him and see what his reaction is, then turn to him while your still holding his arm and say "idk are we??" and smile and wink at him. you know.....something to put HIM on the spot and MAKE him answer the person. Then no matter what his answer is, stay calm and play it cool. if its "no we're not" then giggle and agree with him, if its "yes" and he seems all happy then keep playing along!
; )
good luck!
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21/f, 27/m
We've been dating for about 6 months but we don't see each other as often. I only see him once a week, there are four weeks within a month, so that means I've seen him at least 24 times (which is not a lot in my opinion).
I asked him last night if he feels like we've been improving and he told me that he's worried about my emotional well-being. I didn't understand at first but eventually he just told me that he's worried about my emotional well-being, that was the main thing he was worried about being with me.
I have depression and anxiety disorder. I didn't want to take medication for it, I tried going all natural (working out, doing things I feel like I can enjoy) to release the chemicals in my brain. I'm usually not feeling down, but I won't say there aren't times where I fall back a few steps or I feel really depressed--but I try my best to feel better afterward.
The second thing he said was that he doesn't like the awkwardness. He doesn't like how awkward and uncomfortable I am around big crowds--to the point where he doesn't bring me around his friends. He told me that wasn't news for him since I told him months ago, I'm very conservative and introverted. I can't meet a lot of people at the same time, I'd rather meet a few friends at a time instead of all at once because it's overwhelming. He told me that he just won't bring me around his friends. I don't think that's a very good solution to this.
He said he's sure there are more things that bothered him, but he doesn't have a list. I told him that I wish he told me sooner instead of dragging it out. I told him that I think we should really talk about these things because if we can't find a solution or communicate about these things, there's no point in continuing on seeing each other. He didn't respond to me when I said that.
For a while, I felt like he was saying that he just doesn't like me. I'm naturally awkward and I have depression and anxiety. It made me wonder why is he with me then, why does he continue to see me? I don't know what to do about the friend thing or the "awkwardness," I don't know what to say or how to even start the conversation to get things resolved. (link)
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Yeah this doesnt sound like its going to end well at all. He sounds like hes just looking for a way out and for YOU to be the one to say it. Maybe he likes you well enough to let YOU determine how you'd like to end things such as still knowing each other and just staying friends or whatever your open to at this point. Obviously he cares enough to be a gentleman and allow you to decide how you want to end this.
Sounds like he just doesnt want ot hurt your feelings. sorry. good luck though.
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I'm 16 and I've had a thing with a guy that's 8 years older than me, since I was 14. He's had the same girlfriend since we started. They have two kids together. He tells her all the time that he doesn't want to be with her though and he tells everyone close to him, including her and his own mother, that he's leaving her when I turn 18, to be with me, since it's technically illegal with me still being a minor. I've known him my whole life, and he's stuck to the same thing since we started this crazy thing. Do you think he'll really leave her to be with me? And if it affects anything, the kids aren't really his, but he raises them. (link)
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I wanna thank the people that didnt AUTOMATICALLY bring up the "well its illegal" commentary here.
If at 14 or 15 someone would have said that i shouldnt even be around my now wonder husband, your comment would have gone straight out the window here. What we need to try to understand here is that emotions are just that EMOTIONS. Age does not always matter. some people may LOOK younger than they really are. ((my husband looked like a young teenager all through out his 20's))
So being with him just didnt feel wrong because he didnt ACT like an older adult either. so again to the poster, i say this isnt so much about AGE but its about what your allowing to happen to yourself in the midst of all this.
You are standing in the shadow of an older and more capable woman with children. Your also risking HIS life because he could be put in jail, so really try to think of this as "if you care about him, youll let him go just for now" ok?
Im not going to try to pretend i understand your strong feelings for him because hey i had them for my man too, but dont risk his life, and the lives of the family hes involved with, and the innocent children who will miss him should this all come out. You dont want to be the reason or excuse for why he wont commit to her, or why he looked outside the relationship for what he thought he needed.
good luck sweetie. just try to use your best judgement here. ; )
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So, im 22 female. my parents have been together for 30 years. Back when i was 15, I always caught my dad on porn sites or using a webcam.. too young to realize. when i was 18, i realized how much he was always leaving the house at night (my mom works nights) and the nights my mom didnt work he would be home. He would come home those nights acting weird, i knew something was up. I found him in a chat site, and in his search history a lot of searches for escorts, prostitutes, sex sites, etc like craigslist. It bothered me, knowing he was doing something behind my moms back and I knew, and disgusted me he was spending money on it. I tried to let my mom see the evidence by calling her nights he was out late when she was at work saying why isnt he home? Why does he have a webcam. The situation really bothered me knowing that I had this information that would break our family apart.
Anyways, I decided to completely forget about it as i moved to college, and hoped that he would change on his own or my mom would figure it out.
Here I am, almost 23, living at home finishing up my last year of college. When I went to his computer to print something off, I found a phone that isnt his primary phone, it was a prepaid phone. On it was texts to prostitutes named "trantran", and a guy with his full name listed, address, and sexual messages of plans of meeting up, what my dad wanted, what the other person wanted, when and where they would meet, and him saying he was on the way. There was about 3 visits to different people in a week... this obviously is a multiple times a week thing.
So, my dad is hooking up with "trans" and a guy, and i researched this guy based on his name and address he gave, and he is a !!!junior in highschool!!! This is something I cannot and will not forget, nor ignore.
To top it all off, I found this out 2 days ago, and 3 days ago my mom found out she might have breast cancer. So, here I am. Understanding my dad is rather gay, a sex addict, but do know hes cheating religiously on my mom and I am the only one who knows.
I can't tell my brother, him and my dad work together in their own business, and i dont want that stress to be put on my brother.
I told my boyfriend, he's helping as much as he can.
So what if I tell my mom, one, she is about to find out if she has cancer. Two, I feel like this decision, although I know this is not my fault, but this decision to tell her is heartbreaking because I am responsible for all the pain and stress she is about to go through. My whole family will fall apart, my grandparents aunts uncles and family friends will all be so mad etc. My dad will hate me for basically having all this information against him (I know that its his fault, yes, but still, i will have zero relationship after this). Who knows if he will hurt himself, run away, do something horrible.
What if I dont tell my mom. I feel guilty as hell knowing that she is being treated this way, having to lie to her, having so much anger to keep this horrible secret in because of him, but then again only I feel the pain of the situation if I dont tell. And my family goes on as is. Plus, my mom is supporting my family and my dad, as he is in debt from opening his store, yet he is spending money on sex..
What if I say something to my dad, how will he react, does he need help bc hes a sex addict or will he be embarrased bc maybe he is gay? Will he continue his ways, will he laugh in my face, will he hurt himself, will he run away, will he kill himself, will he really try and get help?
This situation is not my fault, but the outcome of this situation at this current moment is riding heavily in my hands.. i make the decision what to do, who to tell, what to say.. And i really just need help. No one, no one wants to find out their dad is this type of person, it RIPS me apart knowing he is cheating, lying, spending money on this, having sex with a high school student, knowing he must be sooo messed up in his head, must have such deep serious problems, be so wrapped up in this that he does it multiple times a week, comes home, lives a double life.
It tears me apart to know my mother, someone so sweet, caring, and giving, doesn't know, she doesn't deserve this, she will be CRUSHED, they have an upcoming vacation together. What if my dad gets caught by the police, what if my dad goes to jail, what if my dad is so emotionally messed up he has no idea what to do and feels alone, what if hes got so many problems he just ends up hurting himself. How do I sort these emotions out in my head, how do i make a decision, how do i deal with all of this..
any advice is helpful. (link)
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I say try to be as strong as you can here, and confront him in a gentle way. Say "hey id like to sit down with you and talk". Maybe tell him that you know "whats been going on" and try to leave out details but give him enough to let him know that you are aware of his indiscretions, his other prepaid phone, and his "online activity". I would come from a non-judgmental place, and that you WANT to offer support if he feels that he has a problem that he'd like to get some help with if thats the case. Keep a straight poker face so that he feels that you are not bringing your own emotions into the situation here. ((undivided, serious, straight face, with lots of eye contact will usually do the trick here when confronting someone to show that your completely serious and that you want answers)) and most of all stay calm, outbursts of any kind will NOT make anything better. This is about him and HIS problem, not YOU and your emotions. He will need to see that youve removed yourself from the situation a bit and your just here to A: get the truth, and B: see if he wants help, so that this doesnt have to get out of control anymore then it already is.
Ask him in he plans on coming clean to your mother and most of all ask him if HE thinks, he needs help. Wait, see what his reaction is to all of this while your sitting there, and really listen to what hes trying to say to you (sometimes it will be "coded" in such a way that you wont be sure what to think of his answers) because you ARE still after all his child he will see you as such and you will need to make sure that you know how to show him that you are able to step back and "look at the bigger picture here" and ask him to do the same with you while your sitting there talking.
offer to help him get help, and you will come off to him as if you were the first to step up and offer a supportive loving hand when he was in a vulnerable spot. aka with his hand in the cookie jar if you know what i mean.
I have experience in this area, before my mother died i confronted my uncle and my grandfather about my mothers molestation accusations as only a teenager, and no they both have the most respect for me because i came to them when no one else would and talked about something that was taboo.
The important thing here is to give the person the benefit of a doubt and firstly assume that they are "suffering" and are ill mentally. Because anger and judgement will automatically make them shut down and close you all out and things could spiral out of control and WILL most likely end badly.
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Long story short, this family I know had an infant son die at birth. I visit his grave on occasion and leave him flowers, but Thursday will be the first birthday of his that I will leave him anything. I'd leave flowers on his grave, but I've already done so recently and I want to leave him something birthday-ish. Any ideas? (link)
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well depending on the rules of the cemetery maintenance people (if the rules arent listed already when you visit) you can leave small toys, small teddy bears. birthday balloons that can be anchered down into the grass so they dont fly away. small baby angel statues. things like that. ifs its a well kept up resting place, there is most likely rules about what you can leave because the care takers of the place are the ones that eventually will have to remove it and throw it away. nothing is allowed to stay there permanently because the grass around the sit has to be mowed and maintained.
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I am posting this for a friend. She started dating this guy around November of last year they had their ups and downs. Disagreements. He's not the most attractive person in the world but he really cared about her. They split up in July because he'd come home from work and play video games all night get up and play video games. Never go to the store with her. She has two kids he never went to the park with her or anything he just stayed home or worked so then she stopped going to his families house because he wouldn't do things with her. It's like they were just annoyed with each other (link)
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okayyy so whats the question here? all youve told us is the situation your friend is in (which in itself DOES sound a little unhealthy) but im not understanding what your trying to ask about specifically...
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I am 18 years and I am in a relationship with a guy for about two years, we love each other a lot . but he yearns for my virginity . but I want to wait but he can't , should I save it ? or its gonna be really wrong?
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I agree with the other poster. He might not be ready to wait, you might not be ready to give it up to him.
neither of you are wrong, but sometimes even if two people love each other it doesnt mean that they GO together, in fact some still remain friends or have some level of caring even after they've moved on to someone who WILL wait. its your choice and no one elses.
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Last night I had a dream about this guy that I swear I've met before, but I don't know where. Maybe I haven't met him, but I'm not sure. I remember what he looked like in my dream vividly. He had longish fluffy dirty blonde hair. Sky blue eyes behind thick black rimmed glasses. A really adorable white smile. Obsessed with dark clothing, especially his black converse. His name was Michael as it was written many times in that dream. I showed him the note I wrote for the Horned God and he didn't judge AT ALL. And he said he was EXACTLY like the guy I asked the Horned God for.
What exactly does this mean? (link)
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I actually dreampt of my now husband of 14 years before i knew him. I dreamed as a girl that i would meet him but that HE wasnt ready yet not me! lol.
In mine, i didnt know the exact features of his face but in the dream he had just dropped me off at my house for the night after a date, and i was looking back to watch him pull off in his boxy white volvo, and he was wearing a blue hat. i also knew that he was close to pacific islander (i am also so it just felt so perfect) and i remember feeling like he was "the one"
we met, i didnt know that he had the car right away but he had the cap on thats for sure! we became good friends and i found out not to soon later that he owned the same car that was in my dream! it really freaked me out but i was SO happy! i didnt tell him at first but i did much later as well as everyone at our wedding ceremony during our vows. hehee
you may have just got what you were really wishing for thats all. ; )
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Im from Namibia
Really need some advise
im friends with a guy we just made friends 3weeks ago
got to know each other ..i really like him alot he is just a guy that i want but the thing is he has a girlfriend..I dont know what to do? Help me please what should I do? (link)
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well you just answered your own question. he HAS a girlfriend, so getting him to try to be with you before he breaks things off with her really is not a good way to start a healthy relationship with someone.
you can like him all you want but unless hes willing to break up with his current girlfriend then you need to step back.
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Hi, I'm from Kenya and I have a painful question.
My mother and I having been having issues for months now and it's only getting worse by the day. She would look for the smallest thing I've done wrong and create a mountain out of that. She has shown me how much she prefers my sister to me and that really hurts me. Whenever she is stressed out, she will ALWAYS look for something to blame me for. She has said some very hurtful things to me, things a mother should never say to a daughter for example, calling me "cheap" infront of my friends. The worst part is no one can talk to my mother except my brother who now is not even talking to her. She scares me and I dread waking up to her everyday. If I had a choice, I would sleep and never wake up. Please help me! (link)
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I agree, if you cant get her to sit down with you long enough to say "can we talk on a more serious level??" then i would try to find someone else to stay with until she realizes that you are still her daughter and should not be treated like trash. some time away might make her miss you and regret what she said.
No wonder no one wants to deal with her, shes bringing this all on herself by acting the way she does. Sounds like she needs a wake up call. try to just go stay with ANYONE ELSE just temporarily to give her enough time to miss you and ask you to come home. dont tell her how long your leaving for (let her feel the fear a little) just let her know youll be living somewhere else until she decides she'd like to change her attitude, and talk with you like a normal person instead of talking AT you and not listening to anyone.
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