|
Should I call off our friendship?
I have this friend that censures people 24/7 and she thinks it's hilarious but I do not. Recently, she saw my mom, my mom has a small cyst on her face and she made fun of her. It really offended me. She keeps telling me that her whole family criticizes people (as always, she thinks its funny), and I don't know how she can be proud of that. It just shows how immature her family is, and turned her into the immature child she is now. We had an obstacle course test in PE a few days ago (I'm the most unfit skinny person you might ever know) and we had the longest running time cause I'm not used to physical activities and all my groupmates are mad at me including the one that made fun of me, and she has this attitude where you tick her off just a little bit, she ignores you for a really long time. What should I do? I really dont want to go back to cutting myself with shards.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Sounds like she's a bitch.
I poke fun at my friends, sometimes fairly harsh, but that's the thing...we're friends. We do it in jest and no harm no foul. I wouldn't make fun of their families though, and I'd stop if someone couldn't handle it.
You can find other and better friends.
]
How "real" can you be with this girl? if shes a good friend try to be gentle and let her know that not everything she says about people is hilarious.
We all have our off days where we'll say something that we thought was funny but wasnt after it came out of our mouth or sounded good before it came out.
Im really admiring your patience with this girl because she honestly sounds like she just shoots her mouth off without thinking first, which no matter how your raised, as you grow up you need to learn that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated by others. So someone needs to put her in check (somehow) before she opens her mouth to the wrong person one day and get hurt.
Maybe you can try just jokingly asking her to ease up a bit with the making fun of people. Start doing it slowly in a joking kind of manner and see what she does. If she says some crap about "this is what shes used to because her family is like that" then say "well everyone elses MIGHT NOT BE, so "lets just make sure we're not offending people all the time"
As a female usually small hints like this over time get her to start rethinking her position.
you could also try distancing yourself from her for what seems like no reason, wait until she asks you if something is wrong and then just tell her your "tired of her mouth and the way shes ALWAYS making fun of people" and that she "needs to just chill out a little because its old now"
OR ((and this is just me)) i would start finding something to make fun of about HER when she makes jokes about people EVERY SINGLE TIME she does it, and when shes offended, say "well im just doing to you what your doing to everyone else?? whats the matter??" and then laugh. sometimes a taste of ones own medicine can help.
Use your best judgement based on her personality and go from there. usually the "wellll.....its not that funny, its OLD now so stop" thing works with people like that from what ive learned.
Give her a chance to redeem herself once youve made your feelings clear. you might also try getting the other friends you have that dont like what she does to agree with you so that you can do this to her all at once. She'll see that shes slowly losing friends one by one and "no one likes what shes doing" and decide to change. If THAT doesnt work then just get all the friends around you to agree with you that what shes doing isnt right and its really cruel and mean spirited and just get them to all ignore her at once until she decides to stop.
]
I think before you call off this friendship, talk to her.
At the end, you want to know that you gave everything to save this friendship. In everything relationship, not only romantic ones but friendships, it's a two way street. If she doesn't hear you out after you talk to her, then it's time to call off this friendship.
You obviously know her family background and that this is the way she was raised. So you already understand that but she needs to understand that there are boundaries and there are things that are appropriate to say and things that are not. And that some things might hurt other people even if she thinks it's funny.
So talk to her. Let her know how you feel.
The key to this is to not point fingers at her and make her feel defensive and angry.
Use the word "I".
"I feel hurt when you say things like this."
"It makes me feel bad when you ignore me."
If she doesn't work on this, then you don't need a friend who brings you down.
As for the cutting problem. I'm glad you're not cutting anymore. Have you had help for it? If not, you should see a counselor or therapist. Not because there is something wrong with you but you're still getting these urges and you don't want to fall back on that.
Nobody should have that kind of power over you.
]
Well, whatever you decide to do with your friendship, cutting won't fix it. So, don't go back to that regardless!
You need to ask yourself why this person is your friend. She sounds like a real piece of work in your question to us, but, its easy to make one sound like they have no redeeming qualities when you are upset with them. :)
If she is really so bad that she is unable to take other peoples feelings into account, then I wouldn't hang out with her or be her friend any more. Does she make fun of YOU all the time? If so, that's even more reason to find a new friend. You need friends who are nice and make you feel good about yourself. Not one who is negative and has to belittle others to make themselves feel good.
So, my advice will be to find a new friend or friends. Just say you have decided it is best for you to find positive people to be friends with. If she wants to make fun of you for that, let her. You will be better off in the long run. Negative people tend to make you negative too. Nobody needs that.
I know it may seem like a hard thing to do but it will work out fine. I am betting there are others who will want to be friends simply because she isn't hanging around with you any more.
And no cutting! Ignore any crap she throws your way. Don't let her win by cutting yourself. Get rid of ALL negative things. :)
]
More Questions: |