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How to communicate with him
21/f, 27/m
We've been dating for about 6 months but we don't see each other as often. I only see him once a week, there are four weeks within a month, so that means I've seen him at least 24 times (which is not a lot in my opinion).
I asked him last night if he feels like we've been improving and he told me that he's worried about my emotional well-being. I didn't understand at first but eventually he just told me that he's worried about my emotional well-being, that was the main thing he was worried about being with me.
I have depression and anxiety disorder. I didn't want to take medication for it, I tried going all natural (working out, doing things I feel like I can enjoy) to release the chemicals in my brain. I'm usually not feeling down, but I won't say there aren't times where I fall back a few steps or I feel really depressed--but I try my best to feel better afterward.
The second thing he said was that he doesn't like the awkwardness. He doesn't like how awkward and uncomfortable I am around big crowds--to the point where he doesn't bring me around his friends. He told me that wasn't news for him since I told him months ago, I'm very conservative and introverted. I can't meet a lot of people at the same time, I'd rather meet a few friends at a time instead of all at once because it's overwhelming. He told me that he just won't bring me around his friends. I don't think that's a very good solution to this.
He said he's sure there are more things that bothered him, but he doesn't have a list. I told him that I wish he told me sooner instead of dragging it out. I told him that I think we should really talk about these things because if we can't find a solution or communicate about these things, there's no point in continuing on seeing each other. He didn't respond to me when I said that.
For a while, I felt like he was saying that he just doesn't like me. I'm naturally awkward and I have depression and anxiety. It made me wonder why is he with me then, why does he continue to see me? I don't know what to do about the friend thing or the "awkwardness," I don't know what to say or how to even start the conversation to get things resolved.
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Dump his ass. You see him once a week and he doesn't even know if he really likes you because of who you are? Fuck that shit. My girlfriend has similar problems and I love every part of her. Don't want to go into a crowd? Let's watch a movie at home. Having an anxiety attack? I hold her until it's over. She's feeling depressed? I act like a goofball until I see a smile.
You are you, and you cannot change that. If a guy cannot see that, he's not worth a second of your time. You need to find yourself someone who will love you for who you are.
You are.....well, I don't know your name, but be proud of yourself and the fact that you're trying to help yourself. Forget this guy, let him go find some outgoing slut who seems to better suit his needs.
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Yeah this doesnt sound like its going to end well at all. He sounds like hes just looking for a way out and for YOU to be the one to say it. Maybe he likes you well enough to let YOU determine how you'd like to end things such as still knowing each other and just staying friends or whatever your open to at this point. Obviously he cares enough to be a gentleman and allow you to decide how you want to end this.
Sounds like he just doesnt want ot hurt your feelings. sorry. good luck though.
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I would have to agree that once a week is not enough for a couple to learn more about each other and to gain trust and get better at communicating.
If a guy wasn't looking for a girlfriend relationship, but just a female social friend, a person to do things together with, then once a week works for that.
Good for you for being upfront and honest in the beginning or close to it. Perhaps he had no idea if he could truly handle it so at least he was willing to give it a try. Since he likes socializing and hanging out as a group and wanting to bring a female friend to such events, obviously, you are not going to work for him. Since he says there are more things but won't mention it, perhaps he is trying in a round about way to break it off with you without having to be the one to say I want to break up.
In your words you said IF, which a person can assume means you want to continue to try for a solution, as in If we can't find a solution, no point seeing each other. Perhaps he doesnt want to try to come up with a solution, which means he liked you well enough but isn't in love with you. Someone head over heels for you is going to want to do everything and keep trying cus they can't stand being apart from you while at the same time they don't like dealing with the issues.
I think he hoped to hear you say, "Okay, well, looks like we are too different so lets agree to break it off right now. Guys can be really chicken at being honest with females and to some extent I understand, if they don't know the female well enough to know how she will react to him breaking it off, they wont go there. they hear too many or have experienced too many females who act possessive, mean spirited, bitchy, psycho from emotions all over the place due to her cycles or PMS, or cry and sob and beg him to take her back. That's stuff many guys cant handle and are afraid of.
So I don't think you'll ever hear it from him. You'll have to tell him that you are breaking it off with him.
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