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I am the "other woman" and I want to know if that's how it will always be.
I'm 16 and I've had a thing with a guy that's 8 years older than me, since I was 14. He's had the same girlfriend since we started. They have two kids together. He tells her all the time that he doesn't want to be with her though and he tells everyone close to him, including her and his own mother, that he's leaving her when I turn 18, to be with me, since it's technically illegal with me still being a minor. I've known him my whole life, and he's stuck to the same thing since we started this crazy thing. Do you think he'll really leave her to be with me? And if it affects anything, the kids aren't really his, but he raises them.
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You're breaking the law and breaking up a family.
Also, you have to think about this: If he's willing to cheat on her with you, what is going to prevent him from cheating on you in the future.
It's no good for you, it's no good for him, it's definitely not good for her, and it's EXTREMELY unfair to the kids. Call it off. Think about your life. You're too young to be ruining so many lives.
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You need you end the relationship with him. As long as he is with another person it is wrong on both ends to be together. You may love him, but if he truely loves you he will get his drama figured out before pursuing any other relationships, including one with you. He is trying to "have his cake and eat it too." Once he ends his current relationship maybe there can be something real between you. Right now, I hate to say it but, he is using you.
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first of all he's disgusting!! he's 8 years older than you?!! omg that is so wrong. at 16 i understand that you can be in love i was definitely in love at 16 but this is not ok. he is a sex offender and should be reported. I think if he hasnt left her now to be with you that would give you a clear indication that he's never going to leave her, and that he's ashamed to admit that he is with someone so much younger. if he can't come out with it now he won't ever.
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Given the age difference between you the "Knowing him all my life" is not significant as for much of this time you were a toddler growing into a child then a teenager. This does not equate to a relationship of the type I think you are looking for.
What is evident is he is using one or both of you. If he is not having sex with, which he should not be as it would make him a child molester. Then he is using the other women for sex and you as an excuse for not getting married to her.
I have my doubts he will marry either of you. In two years when you are of age he may want to take your relationship to the next level and have sex with you. Marriage though is something I do not see in the future for him with either one of you.
What I see at the moment is you being an enabling force in his ability to stay single and not marry the other women. There is really little you can do about this as she can provide what you legally cannot. What you can do is tell him that as long as he is living with this woman you do not is to see him or talk to him any longer and let it be known you two are no longer friends so it can get back to the other women. Then he does not have you as an excuse as to why he won't marry her. At that point his true colors will come out.
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I wanna thank the people that didnt AUTOMATICALLY bring up the "well its illegal" commentary here.
If at 14 or 15 someone would have said that i shouldnt even be around my now wonder husband, your comment would have gone straight out the window here. What we need to try to understand here is that emotions are just that EMOTIONS. Age does not always matter. some people may LOOK younger than they really are. ((my husband looked like a young teenager all through out his 20's))
So being with him just didnt feel wrong because he didnt ACT like an older adult either. so again to the poster, i say this isnt so much about AGE but its about what your allowing to happen to yourself in the midst of all this.
You are standing in the shadow of an older and more capable woman with children. Your also risking HIS life because he could be put in jail, so really try to think of this as "if you care about him, youll let him go just for now" ok?
Im not going to try to pretend i understand your strong feelings for him because hey i had them for my man too, but dont risk his life, and the lives of the family hes involved with, and the innocent children who will miss him should this all come out. You dont want to be the reason or excuse for why he wont commit to her, or why he looked outside the relationship for what he thought he needed.
good luck sweetie. just try to use your best judgement here. ; )
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Do I think he'll really leave her to be with you?
No, he won't.
What's the point of being with her now then?
If he actually wanted to be with you, then why be with another woman? That's not waiting for you.
I don't understand that at all. If he doesn't love her and doesn't want to be with her, he just shouldn't be with her regardless of you being in the picture or not.
The fact is, he wants her and he's just a liar and a cheater.
I'm also questioning what adult wants to be with a 16 year old. Think about it.
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If you don't love a person, you don't stick around.
You are a fun diversion. He tells you he has told her and his mom & others things, but he is a liar.
When you cheat on someone, you are a liar & a cheat.
To expect anything more is crazy.
You are young and you are being taken advantage of. I'm not wanting to hurt your feelings but, you need to break the cycle now. If you don't men will take advantage of you and hurt you your whole life.
I know you want to believe that he tells you the truth & that he is different from all the other men who pull this routine all the time. He isn't. He is old enough to know better. You won't want to but what you need to do is tell another adult & stop him from doing it to other young girls. If he doesn't have yet another on the side yet, he will have as soon as you wise up.
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Okay, lets see if I am getting this right,
you've known him all your life and thats only 16 years. So I must assume for this to be significant that when you were a toddler of 2, you and he were good friends with him at age 10. Hmmm, siblings maybe but really knowing the person? I am not convinced it is significant yet.
Okay, when you were entering Kindergarten, he was going through puberty. Tell me what young boy going through puberty has any interest in spending a significant amount of time with a Kindergartner.
And so on and so on until you are now 16.
I am not trying to say that having 8 years age difference is a bad thing once both are adults.
What I am saying, is that "knowing" of this person, possibly cus he was a child of friends of your parents does not qualify as you really knowing who this guy is as a man. What can a child have picked up about a guy. And I still see it odd that he wants to be with you once you turn 18. At least he is abiding by the law and waiting but if I were you, I would take this the same way as you would just meeting a strange man unknown to you before. Having seen a person as you grew up doesnt qualify for knowing his character as a man now. I would suggest you take things very slowly.
At 24, if he feels overwhelms with a girlfriend who has two kids that are not biologically his at all, he gave it a good try but he may not be father material, at least at this point in his life and he may have problems making long term commitments to women, and who knows what else. So take things slow. He may never seek you out. But if he does, take care, for there is a chance he may only want you for sex.
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