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Everything Teen-What you need to know but can't ask

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May 23, 2006

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about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

I'm 18/f. Please don't answer this if you're younger than me... you couldn't possibly have gone through what I am if you're 13... no offense.

I've been in psychoanalysis since I was 10 years old. They THINK I have bipolar disorder, but the psychiatrist told me they can't conclusively know or medicate me until I'm 21-22.

I'm in university right now, and I'm in danger of failing out because of my mental issues... I tried to tell this to the doctor, but she doesn't want to do anything. I'm worried that if I continue at this rate I'm going to fail at university, and at life, and that there won't be a me in 3-4 years to help anymore.

I have suicide hotline numbers, and I have really supportive friends... but everything is so hard, and the doctors are being useless...

Is there anybody here who has been through something similar, and who can offer a few words of advice? I'm dying here, and my exams are coming up.

Thank you for reading this VERY long question.

--Amanda

From what I understand, bipolar disorder can start at any age, including in childhood. I don't understand why your psychiatrist is insisting on waiting until you're 21 to diagnose you. Obviously it's having an effect on your life and needs to be treated now. I would suggest seeking a second opinion, preferably with someone who specializes in the disorder. Either your family doctor or student health center at the university should be able to give you a referral.

For more details on bipolar disorder, you can try the links below.
http://www.bipolar.com/
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm

I have this male colleague that I consider as one of my closest friend in the office. Everything changed when our officemates started making some jokes that he was gay. I asked him straight out if he is and he swears to me he's not. Carrying on with our friendship, we went on a drinking spree with some friends. Tipsy, he started to get touchy-feely all over me and in a joking manner he was suggesting that we go home together in his house. Eversince then, he would praise my looks and point blank flirt with me in a casual manner? I wonder now if he's doin this to erase the rumor that he is gay or he's seriously flirting with me? Either way shall I continue to befriend him?

Perhaps when you asked if he was gay, he assumed that you were interested in him. If that's the case, it sounds like he's interested as well. I would talk to him and see if you can find out if that's the case.

i want to go to comm. college for a year then transfer to a university but does it look bad to the university that ive been to community college? like-- would they think i didnt get into a university?

A lot of people choose to attend a community college and then transfer to a university. If your high school grades weren't all that great, it can actually help you by giving you a chance to bring up your GPA. It can also help you by allowing you to get the core classes (English, math, etc) out of the way so when you get to the university, you'll be able to focus on the classes necessary for your major.

I've always been a little chubby. Not fat, but just kind of some chubbiness on my stomach and thighs, etc. In the beginning, I was 14 years old and I weighed 136 pounds, and I'm 5'2. Ever since November, however, I've been determined to lose weight. I don't know what inspired me to do it, but I believe it was basically because I wasn't happy about my body and how it looked, and especially since in gym we have to wear our bathing suits, and I didn't want to be that self conscious.

Now it's almost been 5 months. I'm 123/124 pounds and turning 15 in a week. The change is really noticeable. The thing is, though, that my mom believes I'm close to having a problem. It's just that I count my calories VERY accurately and workout as much as I can. If I go over 2000 cals I'll hate myself for it. I write everything I eat down and how much calories they are, including beverages. If we go out to eat, I have to count the calories of my possible order beforehand or I'll stick to a basic soup and salad meal. It's not that I don't eat anything; I do--including candy, ice cream, etc. It's just that I have to know how many calories are in each specific meal.

Not only that, but if my weight goes up to 126 (since sometimes it tends to shift back and forth) I cry. I feel like all my hard work had been put to waste and I'm gaining it all back.

Since I do a lot of running, a lot of weight has been dropped from throughout my body, including my face. Recently, my aunt, who came with us to a restaurant, asked my mom if i was sick because I looked like I was losing a lot of weight, especially in my face. After that, my mom has been really concerned with me and trying to stop me from working out, even telling me that my face is beginning to look "haggard" and my face doesn't look good when it's skinny. Even though I won't stop -- I still look at myself from time to time and think to myself, "Do I really have a problem? Am I really sick?" My friends think I look amazing. They think the change in me is great. But that doesn't concern me at all. It's what my family thinks.

What do you guys think? Is there a problem here I should be aware about? Thanks in advance and sorry for the longness of it all.

I have to agree with your mom. If I'm not mistaken, you're already in your healthy weight range so you don't need to be losing weight. If people are saying you look sick or haggard, then that would signal that something is wrong. Combined with the fact that you count calories before deciding what to eat and cry when your weight has a natural fluctuation, it sounds like you're getting close to an eating disorder.

In college...

1. If you pass a class but fail the AP exam, which is calculated in your GPA? Do you have to retake the AP exam?
2. If you fail a class but pass the AP exam, which is calculated in your GPA? Do you have to retake the class?
3. If you get a B in a class and a C on the AP exam, which is calculated in your GPA?

Thank you!

This might vary by school but the way it was when I took AP classes was this
1) If you pass the class, it's calculated in your GPA. The AP exam is totally separate. If you fail it, you can retake it, but it won't affect your GPA.
2) If you fail the class, it's calculated in your GPA. Again, the AP exam is separate. If the class is one that's required by your school to graduate, you'll have to retake the class.
3) Again here the AP exam is separate. Your grade in class is what counts for your GPA.

Basically what it amounts to is that the AP exam is not going to help you in high school. Your classwork is what counts for your GPA. The AP exam is simply offered as a means for high school students to get college credit. If you pass the AP exam, colleges will usually accept it as credit for certain classes. For example, I took the AP exams for English and US History while in high school. My classwork is what counted for my high school GPA. However, when I got to college, I didn't have to take Freshman English or US History because I already had those credits from taking the AP exam. I hope that helps you make sense of all of this.

I share a bathroom with my 10 yearold sister and we keep our waste basket in the closet so my dog doesn't get to it. Everytime I get my period, i make sure i push my trash all the way to the bottom and close the closet door. BUT m sister always leaves the door open. My dog gets bloody tampons and the drags them around the house. My dad is getting disgusted and so am I! He blames it on me because of course its mine, not my moms. He says things like "You know the only thing that disgusts me is your bloody tampons" Its so embarassing!! How can I deal with this? My sister is an effin lazy ass.

I would suggest talking to your mom about what's going on. She may be able to talk to your sister about making sure the closet door stays shut or at least explain to your dad that it isn't your fault. As far as other options, I can think of three. One, if possible, move the trash basket to a shelf where the dog can't reach it. Two, buy a trash can with a lid that snaps shut. The third option is inconvenient but it will work if the dog is small. Set the trash basket in the bathtub and shut the curtain so the dog can't see it.

my mom and my step dad(who is like a second dad) may be spliting up and my mom may move away from my school my dad has been offerd to buy a house which is a great deal for him because he dose not make aliot of money. but he also is thinking of moving down to where i live which would be good so i wouldnt have to switch schools but i want him to have the chance to buy a house. i want to live with my dad either way but my mom says im the only person making her not want to kill herself and i dont want to hurt her. so please help. where should i live?

While I can understand your mom's distress, I don't think she should have said that to you. She should realize that you're not an adult and you have problems of your own without having to take responsibility for hers as well. Since it sounds like she's depressed, and possibly even suicidal, I would suggest letting someone know what she said so they can get her some help.

Once you've got your mom taken care of, then you can focus on determining the best move for you. While I understand you want what's best for your parents, you need to remember that as parents their focus should be on what's best for you, even if it means they have to make a choice that they don't like.

I know this probably isn't the exact answer you were looking for, but ultimately the decision comes down to what's best for you. If staying at the same school is what's best for you, then you should stay.

i have stretch marks around my nipples and on my upper thighs near my butt, how can i get rid of them? and are they normal?

It's completely normal to have stretch marks. A lot of people have them. They generally occur when your body grows faster than your skin can stretch. With time, they will fade on their own. You can also use cocoa butter lotion to help them fade faster. They won't go completely away, but they will fade to where they're barely noticeable.

Does an Ovarian Cyst cause any pains? If so, what kind of pain? Are they really serious?

An ovarian cyst can cause pain. From what I've read, it's generally a constant, dull pain in your pelvic area. Most ovarian cysts are functional and disappear on their own. However, some can be more serious. If you think you might have one, you really need to see your family doctor or gynecologist. They can do a pelvic exam or run tests to determine the type of cyst you have and the appropriate treatment. The links below should answer any questions you have. If you need more information, drop a line in my inbox.
http://www.4woman.gov/faq/ovarian_cysts.htm
http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001504.htm

I've been working with this one company for about 5 months now. My 3 month probation is over and I'm in the union now. It's quite a large store; it has grocery and clothing and everything else. Anyways; I havent been very happy there for a long time. For one thing it's only 20 hours a week and pays minimum wage. My supervisor can be extremely moody. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her. In the past she has yelled at me. She also gave me crap for signing out 1 minute early once and warned if I did it again she'd deduct 15 minutes off my pay. She was being nice to me yesterday but then threw in a dig. She told me she had been hearing I havent been putting my garbage away after putting out stock. This wasnt true. She was really mean about the way she said it too.
I don't think anyone in my department is happy; everyone has been really grumpy lately. All I know is that I show up for work and give it my best. I've never phoned in sick; have covered for others, and I'm pleasant to everyone. I think for the ammount of effort I put in for a minimum wage part time job far exceeds the ammount of respect I'm getting. I'm sure I could find a better job that treats me nicer.
Does anyone have any advice for me?

Does your company have a human resources department? If so, find a few coworkers who can back you up about the supervisor and file a complaint with human resources. They will investigate your complaint and get things rolling so the issue can be resolved.

As far as whether to stay with the job or find another one, that's a choice you have to make for yourself. Unfortunately, changing jobs doesn't necessarily guarantee a better supervisor. I'd say that nearly everyone who has ever worked has probably came across a supervisor that they just couldn't get along with. Most of us just learn to tolerate these kind of supervisors when we come across them. If we can't tolerate them or find a resolution, we move on.

If you do decide to quit, make sure to work two week's notice before leaving. When employers are interviewing employees, one thing they look at is how you left your last job. Working your notice shows professionalism. Also, when filling out applications, I would suggest putting "need more hours" as your reason for leaving. If you put the reason as being your supervisor and badmouth her when asked during the interview, chances are the interviewer will take a dim view of you.

Hello there i'm having problems getting pregnant, we've been trying for over a year and i still have had no results. i don't don't understand what is wrong with me. i do have irregular periods and when seem to be ontime i always watch my fertile days and all but still no luck. What can i do to speed things up? please help!!

If you've been trying for over a year with no result, it's time to visit your gynecologist. They can examine you and run some tests to determine what's going on. It's also a good idea to have your partner visit the doctor as well for testing. If the doctor or gynecologist can't get to the bottom of the problem, they can give you a referral to a fertility specialist who is more qualified to treat the problem.

im going to dye my hair tomorow and i need some tips (im doing it myself not at a salon)

how can i get it to last longer.. it always seems to fade comepletely out within a month and im only aloud to dye my hair every 6 weeks so it looks stupid

and it says to not wash it for 24 hours.. if i wait 48 will it look better?

and im going to giant eagle to get my dye (they have like loreal, revlon, etc)

is there any brand there that is better than another?

and does sallys sell hair dye and if they do is it better than what i would get at giant eagle?

Do you wash your hair before you color it? I've found that waiting a day after washing before coloring makes the dye soak in better. Then, wait at least 24 hours before washing it again. I usually wait two days. What type of shampoo are you using? You really need one for color-treated hair to get the best results. I've had good results with L'Oreal ColorVive shampoo. You might also try one of the products that are made to bring out that color's highlights. John Frieda has a series of those out-Sheer Blonde, Brilliant Brunette, and Radiant Red. They might be a little pricy (I pay $6 a bottle), but they seem to help my color stay longer.

Do you use a hair dryer, straightener, curling iron, etc? If so, that might be part of your problem. The heat will damage your hair which usually leads to it looking dull and losing color faster. Try using one of the heat protectant sprays.

Since the sun and various things in the air can also damage your hair, I use a leave-in conditioner during the day. It helps to protect my hair.

As far as brands, I have the best results with Revlon Colorsilk. It's fairly cheap (like $4 a kit at Walmart) and seems to last the longest for me. Also, I tend to be pretty sensitive to smells and it doesn't bother me like some of the other products do. I used Herbal Essence once, but ended up having to wash it out before it was done because the smell was too strong.

Since Sally's tends to carry salon-grade products, their hair dye is probably better. However, you'll probably pay more for the better quality.

hi...im 16/f
here's my problem...im dating this guy named john and hes very nice, caring, sweet...i like him very much but the only problem is that his 7 years older than me...hes 23 yrs old,is it ok if hes older than me?

I'm sure a lot of people are going to say it's weird that this guy is older than you and he's probably just out to use you. Unfortunately, this sometimes is true so I would be careful. However, as far as an age gap relationship, I personally don't see a problem as long as you're compatible with each other. My husband is several years older than me and we get along great. People may not understand why I would be with someone his age, but I love him and he makes me happy and that's what's important. As far as the legality of your relationship with John, I would be very careful. If you choose to have sex, even if it's consensual, he can end up in jail for statutory rape.

I'm 15, around 160-170 pounds, and starting a diet. In my diet I plan to eat 1500 calories a day, and burn off 200-300 running daily. I'm also going to eat healthy foods like fruits, and not any junk food. I figured out this will probably help me lose 1-2 pounds a week.

I never really feel like dieting will help me lose weight, because I've been big for so long. Will I be able to lose weight according to my plan? If not, what do you think I should do?

Do you think this is a good idea at my age, and will it cause any problems?

I would suggest adding a little variety to your exercise routine. It will help to keep you from getting bored. After a while, your body will get used to the exercise and burn less calories. By varying your exercise, your body is less likely to build a tolerance for the exercise. It also helps to work different muscle groups so you're toned all over instead of just in a specific region.

Eating healthy foods is good. Just make sure to watch how the food is prepared. Calories can sneak in that way. Don't deprive yourself of snacks; this is what usually leads to diet failure. Just look for healthier snacks to take care of the cravings. Make sure your diet is balanced and includes foods from all the food groups. I found a great calculator online that asks a few questions to determine how much of each food group you need as well as your calorie needs. You can try it at the link below.
http//mypyramid.gov

I would suggest adding a good quality multi-vitamin to your diet. When dieting, it's easy to miss out on needed vitamins and minerals. A multivitamin will help make sure you get them.

I just got my wisedom teeth out on monday and my face has really swollen out (not alot, but i look different:S) anyway i've been doing evertyhing apllying ice, rinsing with salt water etc. know of anything else i could do, to get rid of or stop the swelling?

It will take a few days for you to get back to normal. Did they prescribe anything for you to take for inflammation? If not, you might ask about taking Tylenol or Ibuprofen. Both of these are anti-inflammatory medicines that will help the swelling go down and deal with any pain you might have.

Hi! I recently got out of the military. I want to start my schooling, but don't what to major in. I know a job in the medical field would give me great satisfaction. Of course there are so many jobs and specialties to choose from. I want to ultimately pursue a career as a dermatologist. Because the schooling is extensive, and standard for grades high, it can be intimidating. I considered a registered nursing degree. This is a popular profession nowadays and the programs are VERY competetive. I don't know what to do.
Thank you for your help!!!
Jillian

There are a few things to consider. What kind of hours would you like to work? Generally, unless a nurse works in a doctor's office, they can end up working any shift, especially if you're new. If working a regular 9-5 is your goal, then you might consider being a medical assistant, pharmacy technician or a medical billing technician. Can you handle blood and other body fluids? If not, then nursing might not be the best field for you. Are you able to detach yourself from the situation? If you're soft-hearted and have a tendency to feel everyone's pain, you might want to go with a career that involves less patient interaction.

Since you mentioned the financial aspect, I'll try to help a little there. First, since you were in the military, you may be eligible for the GI bill, which will help pay for college. You can find information by visiting the link below.
http://www.gibill.va.gov/

Second, you may want to consider a community college. The tuition tends to be much cheaper and classes are generally smaller, which allows for more one-on-one attention. I'm not sure about all community colleges, but I know my local one offers several medical training programs, including nursing.

Three, check with your local nursing board or hospital. Some states do offer nursing scholarships that don't have to be paid back if you agree to work in the state for a certain amount of time. Some hospitals offer the same thing if you agree to work for them for a certain amount of time.

Four, do a search for scholarships you might be eligible for. I'm giving you a couple links to scholarship search engines to get you started.
http://www.fastweb.com
http://www.finaid.org/scholarships
http://www.scholarships.com

Last, but not least, make sure to complete the FAFSA (Federal Application for Student Aid). Most colleges require this be completed so they can determine what financial aid you're eligible for. You can get information about the FAFSA and complete it online by visiting the link below.
http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/

Good luck.

Hi, I have a telemarketing interview to go to today. I would like to know what kind of questions I will be asked. This is my first telemarketing interview I am really interested REALLY need a job PLEASE HELP!

P.S. I want someone to go with me since I do not know where I am going. Would that be ok? =S

I actually did telemarketing when I was younger. The interview didn't really involve many questions. Because telemarkets generally work from a script, the interviewer asked me to read the script aloud so he could get an idea of how I sounded. If they ask you to do this, just make sure you don't mumble, you speak loud enough, and you pronounce everything correctly (ask if you don't know). Some questions he asked:
What interests you about this job?
Are you familiar with what we do here?
What skills do you have that would be helpful in this position?
How would you deal with someone who is rude and/or abusive when you call?

As far as someone going with you, it's okay as long as they don't come in to the interview with you. I would recommend having them wait outside or come back to pick you up.

i straighten my hair everyday, and i dont use any special conditioners or anything. Is that bad? i use garnier fructis shampoo & conditioner, if that helps. thanks xOx [♥]

Anything that involves heat or chemicals on your hair used regularly will eventually start affecting the health of your hair. It can dry it out and lead to breakage and split ends. I would suggest either one of the protective hair products (such as the spray tropicalbaby mentioned), shampoo and conditioner for processed hair, or a weekly hair treatment. If you can't afford those products, there are a few home remedies you can use.

Hot Oil Treatment
Warm 1 tablespoon of olive oil and work through dry hair. Cover with plastic wrap (a shower cap will work) and then cover with a warm towel. Leave on for 10-15 minutes and then rinse hair completely followed by your normal shampoo.

Deep Condition Treatment
Work a couple tablespoons of mayonnaise through dry hair. Leave on 10 minutes, then rinse hair completely and shampoo as usual.

okay, here's the deal. i wanna watch this dvd in spanish, but in the main menu i have to choose the language thingy, but since i don't have a remote, i dn't know how to do that. the only buttons on the player are play, pause, rewind, stop, fast forward, and rewind. how the hell can i choose the language thingy without the remote? is there any way? (PS: watching it on the computer is NOT an option) oh yeah and i lost the manual.

I don't think there's any way to get to the language option without the remote. If you can't find the remote, I would suggest purchasing a universal remote. They tend to be fairly inexpensive and once programmed to work with your DVD player should be able to get you to the correct menu. Personally, I prefer the universal remotes since you can generally program them to work several different things (TV, DVD, etc) so you only have to keep up with one remote.

Im 13 and in 7 grade. I have A's and B's in all my classes but one. Im failing in math. I dont know why its so hard for me. I belive its because I have never had to study for any other classes because im good at them. The only thing is that im terrible at studying. If I try really hard and study the night before for like six hours I can get a good grade on a test. Just recently I got a mid-B on my test which is pretty good for me. But I dont understand the lesson even when our teacher teaches it to us. The hardest part for me is that my best friend makes PERFECT grades. She has like 100 in three or four classes. It really gets me down when I come home with a C or D and she gets an A. I know its not her fault or anything, but I get kinda jealous sometimes because I really try hard and she doesnt have to. So does anyone know a good way to study and get over my jealosy prob?
Ill rate high as long as its serious.

First, I would speak to your teacher and let him/her know that you're not understanding what they're teaching. I've found that a lot of teachers are willing to give more one-on-one attention if they know you're having trouble with the lesson. If the problem is your teacher and you just don't understand no matter how they explain it, why not ask your friend for help? Not only will it help you to understand the lesson, but it will also help with the jealousy issue. I've found it's hard to be jealous of someone's who's helping you.

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