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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

So there’s this job that would be perfect for me, that requires two qualifications,I’m not qualified for it yet but by the time the job starts (May) I would be qualified for it because it’s something I’m going to learn at school so if you were in my shoes would you still apply or just find a another job?

Yes apply for the job in person and explain you will have the required class completed by the time the job starts. You have nothing to loose. If you are not graduating in May remember to get working papers from school and bring them with you.

We are in our 20s and don’t know what to do. The only option given to me is for me to convert to being muslim. It sucks because he does not want to let down his parents and wants his parents to accept me. If they find out he is still speaking to me, they would arrange a marriage for him and force him to marry whomever they choose. They even told him if I decide to convert my whole family basically would have to do the same or do whatever is “halal” like his family. Which I think is nonsense cause my family would never do such a thing. I really feel like his parents just don’t want him with me...There has to be another way to get through this. Yes, conversion is a big step to take in my life but I really do love him and can picture and fully be okay with having a future with him. I really don’t know what to do...I really can’t and do not want to lose him. Someone please help

I'll make this short and bittersweet; walk away now before the hurt grows to big.

Your parents will not accept him and his parents will never accept you. This would put a huge strain on any relationship. In the end you will end up hating each other. Walk away now while you can still remain friends.

You're 20 something; there are plenty of fish in the sea. Rebate your hook and start dating others. This man is not your Price Charming he is still out there waiting to meet you.

I have to take this class but there's only 3 students enrolled so far. It has been postponed but this class is a requirement for me to take. What if they never get more students enrolled?

See if this class is available on line. Many students today are using on line classes to save money. This could be why enrollment is low.

When I finally get to the point that I feel like I am ready to socialize with people who may or may not be sober, I face this question, “Do I want to go to happy hour?” Anticipating the changes I will face after leaving recovery rehabs.

My thoughts are if you are just coming out f rehab is to stay away from Bars and Happy hour for a while. You need to be saber for awhile and not put temptation in your path.

I would also suggest joining aa and getting a sponsor to help you through those time when you what a drink. MR. Brother in-law os a 30+year recovering alcoholic and credits them for saving him.

My boyfriend wants me to introduce myself to his mother while his in Dubai. I have no idea what and how. Advice please.

While this is a strange request on his parr there could be some good reason(s). To introduce yourself is entirely up to you. If you decide to do so I suggest the following ways:

1. If she is on social media send her a friend request. When and if she responds you can explain who you are and ask her to meet you for lunch or coffee.

2. Call her on the phone. If she agrees to meet you set a time and place.

3. Last but not least is the old fashion way; go knock on her door one day.

My only question is why he didn't introduce you to her before he left. This could be some type of loyalty test. If so I caution you on growing this relationship for the man is a controler and he will want to control your every move, including what clothes you wear, who your friends are. Everything in you life . Controllers can also be violent and you can get hurt/ So think about this and then decide

"Rock Bottom will teach lessons that the Mountain Tops never will."

This phrase; "Rock Bottom will teach lessons that the Mountain Tops never will," could have several meanings I take it to me this: Reaching the top of the mountain is as has as you can go and learn no more. Rock Bottom means you can't go any lower and you can look at lessons learned from falling to help you reach new Goals.

My fiance (27m) and I (24f) have lived together roughly 4 months and been engaged for about two. Once in the past (before we were engaged) I caught him texting his ex and almost broke up with him, but he promised me he would never do it again and begged me to give him another shot. I did because he never cheated and the messages weren't very flirty and never amounted to anything. We've been together 7 months.

Then last night I went through the history on his phone and found out that just in the last week he was looking at photos of his ex on facebook and Instagram. I also found messages to a girl he kissed once a few years ago (who he went to school with). The conversation wasn't flirty and she was just asking him professional questions for their job field, but then he asked if she wanted to get drinks next time she was in town. I upon finding these things of course freaked out and told him we were done and I was leaving.

He insisted that none of it meant anything and I was overthinking things. He said he was just bored at work and absently looking through his ex's photos because he was just "curious". He also insisted he offered to go out for drinks with this girl as old friends only and nothing more and showed me proof they never went out following the discussion.

He agreed to delete his facebook and promised me he would never go on it again and that he loves me more than anything and that he had no idea these things would hurt me. He also agreed to relationship counseling and that if I ever catch him doing anything like this again that he understood me ending things.

At first I didn't believe any of it, but I kind of do when I think about it. He has had lots of female friends in the past and even lived with two girls at one point. Neither of which he was dating. One of his other best friends is also a girl (older married woman) and i knew that when we started dating and have met her twice. He's also never been in another serious relationship so I kind of can maybe understand how there could have been these misunderstandings. This is his last chance though and I'm not believing him again if I catch it happening. Am I being naive?

I also understand we got engaged super early in the relationship, but I don't like how everybody seems pretty uninterested in our wedding plans. Our wedding date is supposed to be a year away and I really thought my friends and family would want to be more involved, but one of my best friends is entirely uninterested in coming down to go to it because she's in another state. My mom would rather we just eloped and my dad hasn't even met him. His mom says she can only come if we do it within an hour of where she lives and his two best friends feel pretty much the same. As you might imagine, this isn't how I thought my dream wedding would be. My other best friend said she'd be there no matter what and it seems like one of his other best friends feel the same. My idea is pretty much turning into that we should have a very small wedding (if we make it that far) wherever we want it to be and use what we would have spent on a bigger wedding on a honeymoon for us. Either that or just putting off the wedding until whenever.

Another looming issue is his desire to get a house (in the next 3 months) in our current residential area. While part of me is fine with this, another part of me always thought in a year I'd be moving up north and to a big city for grad school. I'm not sure yet that I want to give up that dream if this is how things are going to be.

I of course love him to death, want to make things work, and don't want to make a mistake of giving up on this out of petty doubts. I know the grass always seems greener on the other side, but I also don't want to settle if the person I'm doing it for isn't the "one" after all.

First if you are sure nothing has come of his social media contacts just forget about it. My wife and I are married 48 years come this June. We both stay in touch with ex boyfriends/girlfriends. For good reason we both dated within a close group of friends. ON the day we married she said to me, "You can look at the menu all you want but if you ever sample I'll cut something very important to you off.

I think you are being a bit demanding and controlling with your demands on his social media use. If he is sleeping in your bed every night you have nothing to worry about.

As for your wedding. Your mom wants you to elope; GREAT. Ask mom and dad to contribute to your eloping. Then plan a nice destination wedding. When I say plan I mean pick a nice Caribbean Island or someplace nice. I know most of the beach hotel on theses Islands have wedding planner. They do all the planning all you need to do is get a dress and work with the planner over the phone for what you want.

As for your fiance not interested in wedding planning. Don't be upset with him for like mot future husband he know the wedding is for the bride hence everyone say it is the brides big day.

I'm a sixteen year old high school girl (I'll be 17 in a couple months). Some months back, I was responsible for a car accident that severely injured the driver of the car that I struck. The accident was a result of me texting while driving. I was lucky enough to walk away with a few bruises. The other driver had to be taken away in an ambulance. After the police completed their investigation, I was charged with vehicular assault.

I have a court date coming up where I'll be accepting a deal we worked out with the prosecutor. The upside is it'll allow me to be convicted as a juvenile. However, I'll also have to spend 90 days locked up in the county juvenile detention center.

I own the fact that what I did was stupid and reckless and I'm lucky it didn't turn out worse than it did. And I know that I totally deserve my punishment. I plan to write my victim a letter of apology from juvie if he doesn't come to my sentencing hearing.

I just wish I knew what to do about my parents. They're so disappointed and upset with me, and I don't blame them. I hate what's happened to our relationship. We used to be so close before all this happened. Now, I feel like all trust is lost. I wish I knew what I could do to start healing our relationship.

For whatever it may be worth, I'm really sorry about what I've done. I promise I'll never do anything so stupid ever again.

With all the warnings about texting and driving people still do so. When I'm driving if I see anyone texting and driving I notify the police of the license plate number, location and direction.

That being said I do have a couple of suggestions for you.

1. Ask your school principal if you can speak at an assembly about your situation and why this is happening to you.

The police should have accident photo's and the prosecutor may have other photo's of the accident scene with the victim being assisted by the medics and fire department. Put together a slide show for the presentation. Presented to the principal, if he or she likes it ask if you could present it at other area high school.

The result of you doing this, will show your parents and the judge, yes tell the judge what you have done and bring a printed copy to court, that you are taking responsibility.

While you have a deal with the prosecutor the judge is not bound by the deal and can impose a different sentence. BE honest though if you do this as judges can see right through those just trying for lighter sentences.

2. While in Juvie you can ask to see the psychologist and ask for help in mending your relationship with your parents.

Good Luck and I hope you have truly learned from this and your victims suffering is not chronic.

One of the things you will have to deal with is the law suit headed your way and to your parents. I don't know where you live so I don't know the law. The results of any settlement could pose a financial hardship which could effect their ability to send you to college. Make sure you include all the possible ramification of the still to come law suit and it is coming one your victim is fully recover. Do the research, ask your attorney if you and your parent can be sued for more then your auto liability coverage.

I am a certified phlebotomy technician. When I was in training, there were some things that I didn't understand. My instructor mainly focused on how to draw blood from a patient. We didnt spend a lot of timw on other things and it went really fast. When I took my certification exam I didn't do well on the "processing specimens" part but still passed the exam. Will they train me on the job or just expect me to know?

Many of today's employers expect their new hires to be fully Qualified and to hit the ground running. Just as many who are hiring someone just out of school will tell them to forget what they learned in school and they will teach you the way of the job.

If all you are required to do is draw blood and leave the rest to the techs. The fact that you did poorly and that one part of the exam should not bother your employment value.

I prefered hiring people just of of school or training. Doing so allowed me to train them in how I wanted the job done.

I’ve been applying for phlebotomist positions and haven’t heard anything back yet. I’m looking for part time because I’m still in school. I have volunteer experience working in the hospital. I did patient information, ran errands and comforted sick patients. I’m planning on getting a CNA and EKG certifications. All I have for now is phlebotomy certification. I don't know if this is true, but do you have to know someone to get hired?

It help;s to know someone who the hospital trusts to give you a good recommendation. While that helps the hospital has to have an open position. Also the position you are looking for, to the best of my experience, are full time position.

A recommendation from your instructor might go a long way in finding a job. You may also want to try for a position with a company like Quest.

why don't I have a boyfriend?

This is a loaded question in that without further information about your lac of a boyfriend including your age. It is next to impossible to give you an answer that might help.

I am 29 year old female and I got a facebook message from my aunt dot that I have not heard or seen from since I was 12 years old and she invited me over for Christmas dinner. The thing is my dad died when I was 12 and I have not heard anything from them since. We live in the same town yet no calls or visits in 19 years then out the blue she calls and wants me to go to their house when I haven't heard from them in 19 years . I feel like something is up like she and my uncle both want something other than me eating dinner with them . Am I wrong for feeling this way? I simply declined the invitation by simply saying I will be eating dinner with my other aunt that dau ,but thank you for the invite without being rude. I just want to know am I wrong for feeling like my aunt and uncle are up to something ? To give you a bit of an idea of what kind of people they are . The day after my dad died they cleaned out his house of all his possessions and didn't leave me with anything . Not even his pictures !

It is possible that know they are getting upwards in age that they want to correct past wrong. I agree you did the right thing in turning down the dinner invitation. To see what there true intentions I suggest you call them and see if there is a time you can stop by for a short visit. It appears they may have been offering an olive branch. Offering to visit with them will satisfy your curiosity. A short visit in mid-afternoon allows you to leave quickly if it is not an olive branch they are offering or stay for dinner if offered.

I’m 20, female and from the UK.

So for the last few years, my mental health has been going downhill, along with my self esteem and confidence. I tend to overthink a lot, to the point where I plan ahead for every possible situation (even the weird and unlikely ones). I’ve never been great in social situations but I don’t know what to do about it anymore. It started with me just being awkward socially, then after failed attempts to improve I started to dread talking to people I barely know. Now there are times where I will start to panic uncontrollably and have to hide in the bathroom until it’s over before going back into the social situation. I can’t live like this anymore and end up just hiding in my bedroom for multiple days per week. I really want to do something about it, but talking to someone irl isn’t an option (long story). What is some good advice you recommend that doesn’t require telling someone about the situation?

You"re telling us so you are talking to someone about your problem. As we are not medical professionals and this medium is somewhat awkward I will make a few suggestions.

First I would like you to see you family doctor for a full physical. Anxiety can have organic problems that a physical will highlight. Be honest with your doctor as to what is troubling you.

Should there not be an medical problem your doctor can prescribe medication to help relieve the symptoms while you seek help from a psychologist for talk therapy. From personal experience I can tell you that in many cases talk therapy will help you get at the root cause of you anxiety.

If you are like me some long ago trauma you think you have forgotten about but have built a wall around to keep you safe has started to come out. IF your honest with the therapist you will get to the root cause and then find way to deal with it.

Can you give an example?

A good example of overcoming adversity would be someone who has grown up in poverty and is now a self-supporting person who has worked their way out of the poverty ghetto.

A neighbor of mine is a good example of this. He grew up in one of the worst most violent sections of the county. Most boys would join a gang to survive but not him, At an early age he had set his mind on getting out of the ghetto. Today he is a college graduate and a retires Captain from the County Fire Department.

Hi I'm a 22 year old female. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now, we just had our first baby too. She's 5 months so we moved very fast as you can tell. Faster than I expected (or wanted) and we live together as well. I don't know if it was the pressure/stress from having a baby or from getting into a very committed relationship but I just don't feel the same anymore.
When we initially started talking, I hadn't dated anyone in years. I wanted to put myself out there again and ended up meeting him. It was fun and I was enjoying the relationship but obviously things became very serious once I got pregnant. It became a little stressful, and then moving in with him was a big adjustment too. It's all been a bit overwhelming which made me become a little distanced.
We haven't been intimate in many months (I lost count) and I know he wants to very bad. Lack of intimacy is a daily discussion. I understand he has needs and I use to try and go along with it but at this point it just feels wrong to go along when I know I'm just not into it and I wouldn't enjoy it.
I have love for him and forever will, he's the father of my child. I just don't want to be in a relationship if i'm unhappy. I want to raise my daughter in a happy home with good surroundings even if that means being separate.
He doesn't know all of this exactly but he can tell i'm not as affectionate obviously.
So should I say something? Am I giving up too fast? Maybe it's a postpartum thing, but I just truly feel like I might've fallen out of love. It's scary, I just want to make the right decision/move.

Thank you for reading, looking forward to your advice. God Bless.

I believe you are suffering postpartum depression, very common in new mothers. Before jumping overboard from this relationship I suggest two thing.

First a complete physical to ensure the problem is not something medical.

Second ask you PCP or Insurance company to recommend a psychologist who can help you through your depression and help you sort out your feelings.

I'm male, 13yrsold and want sex now but I can't? Also I'm gay

It is not unusual to be wanting sex at your age. It is the hormones of puberty playing havoc on you body.

You are way to young to be putting a label on your sexuality. If you are gay it would be something your born with and would know at a lot earlier age. At 13 you are still in the early stage of puberty and your hormones are running wild. Most all of us at this age have mixed feeling about our sexuality and it is not uncommon to have sexual feeling for someone of the same sax.

Most of us, boys and girls, feel safer experimenting with someone of the same sex. As you get more comfortable with your sexuality you most likely find girls attractive sexually.

But very important at your age is not to announce to the world you are gay. Doing so will subject you to bullying and gay bashing by other kids in school.

I'm 15 and my parents have always been super protective of me. Maybe it's because I'm an only daughter in addition to being an only child. Who knows. I do know I was determined to get more freedom. Several months back, I came across something online about GPS watches. I did a little research and presented my parents with a proposal. If they got me one of these watches, I'd be willing to wear it in exchange for a later curfew. After sleeping on it, they agreed.

So for the past month or so, I've been wearing this watch. They've held up to their end of the deal. I'm finally able to stay out as late as all my friends. The only restriction I have is that they've programmed the watch to send them alerts if I'm late for school or try to leave school early. I never play hookie, so that's not a big deal to me. In case you're wondering, this watch has a lockable wristband. That's how they know I'm not just taking it off once I'm out of sight.

I recently told a friend what this watch does and he thinks this arrangement is just nuts. Personally, I don't see the big deal. I get more freedom and my parents get to worry less. Seems like a fair exchange. What do you think? Was I wrong to make this deal?

I think you are a very wise young lady. You found a way to get your freedom while giving your parents a way to worry less about you when you are out of their sight. I would have made the same deal with my son had the watch been available when he was 15.

Hey , so i am a computer science major who's passionate about programming and software.However, i hate studying any other courses besides what i like. Like right now , I'm studying Discrete mathematics ,which I'm failing . A lot of rage in growing inside of me ; i just wanna throw my notebook and computer at my professor. The question is how do i deal with this situation ; i have tried studying 7-9 hours daily for this course but it's too hard for me ; it's making me feel so obnoxious. I thought of dropping out of school but my parents refused. Those courses have nothing to do with programming absolutely nothing.

I agree with your parents that dropping out of school is not the answer. That being said you should look at computer Tech school that teach only the area of Computers you wish to study. There are any number of these schools that offer these types of course. The degree you receive is not the same as one you would get from a University or standard collage though it will lead you to a job you want and will enjoy. Most of these schools offer job placement assistance as well.

Is that saying that you're not doing good now, but can get better? Or they see you having a bright future? Like if a teacher says you have potential.

Generally when someone says "you have potential" they mean they see something in you that needs nurturing to bring out the best in you. Depending in what context it is said it can have somewhat different meaning. If a teacher uses that phrase it is generally followed with but he/she is not applying themselves or he/she needs to look at advanced studies in a subject.

If a teacher has said, "you have potential" without further explanation you should ask what they meant. The one thing you do not want to waste is your potential. Take advantage of what your school has to offer in the area of potential. Should the school not have the resources then your parents need to fight for them to supply what you need.

I am a 42 year old male. I have been married for 16 years. Several months ago my wife and I hit a bit of a rough patch. I began a text relationship with a younger coworker. Nothing physical ever happened between us. Long story short my wife found out about the messages. She made me stop immediately. My wife and I have moved forward from this event and have grown closer. The problem is I still think about the other woman frequently and sometimes it is a distraction with work and family. How can move on from my feelings from this woman?

I see nothing wrong with having a friend of the opposite sex. As long as this relationship is nothing more then texting between friends and you have no bigger expectations I see no reason to stop texting.

You wife may have been wrong to stop you depending on what she saw in the messages. If the messages were just two friends talk about work and family life. Sort of the same conversation you might have with a buddy over a beer there is nothing wrong here.

I suggest couple counseling for you with a psychologist. Doing so allows you to say why you might want to continues texting or your wife can say how she really feels about this in a safe environment.

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