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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My mom is friend's with this lady [40] who is gay. You wouldn't think she was but she told me. Well, I go to work with the lady and when i [13] sleep over we sleep in the same bed because i dont like sleeping on the couch. Does that make me gay because i've heard if you sleep with a gay person thas makes you gay? 13/f .. [ i dont think it is true ]
and are you born gay?
The Answer
Sleeping in the same bed as a gay person does not make you gay. Neither does sharing a drink with a gay person, swimming in the same pool as a gay person, or having a gay person sneeze on you.
Sexual orientation is not a disease. You can't *catch* it just by being in contact with another person who calls themselves gay, any more then you can catch the colour of their skin or their taste in music.
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The Question
I am 15 year old male, gay, and attending High School. In the past year, I've come to terms with who I am and I've come out to 2 of my friends. My huge problem is that nobody my age comes out of the closet so I am going to be single for a while. I am despretely lonely and wanting someone to sweep me off my feet. I just feel so deprest and want to have a boyfriend like all the other straight couples have where you love each other and understand each other and comfort one another. My problem is that there is this guy that I like but he has no clue I exist. I think that he is gay. The signs are that he is in tennis, went to tennis camp and is trying out for the tennis team, is in drama class, his eyebrows look plucked, he looks well made up and his hair is curly and conditioned, he is fit, and all his friends are strangely attractive. I also see the way he looks at guys and can kinda tell. I really want to become friends with him so that I can be around him and be happy and possibly get him to come out to me and maybe even become my boyfriend but I don't know how to go up to him and become his friend. It's like I can't just walk up to him and say hey what's up because we don't know each other so I was thinking of bringing up tennis because I've started taking lessons and stuff and I'm going to try out for the team just so I can be there with him and possibly go to his camp and get closer to him. I just don't know how to become his friend or how to talk to him. What should I do?
The Answer
Sounds like you have a good plan to get to know this guy better babe. Just take it slow and be yourself. Alot of guys your age aren't as comfortable with themselves as you are. Don't push, just accept people for who they are and were they are in life.
If this guy isn't gay, or simply isn't interested, don't take it too hard. I'm a theatre geek myself and I'll tell ya all the guys who look queer aren't and all the guys who look straight aren't.
Anyways, maybe you can reach out to other gay teens around you through community groups or centers. I know I was shocked when I found out that my tiny little sub-urban town had a Gay Teen Art club with over twenty members from thirteen all the way to 20.
Good Luck!
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The Question
Okay, I used to like this guy named Caleb, who was 2 and a half years older then me, and I thought that he liked me too. I kept staring at him at school, but we never really talked (I just thought he found me nice looking). Then, I found out he had a girlfriend. I thought we could've been friends, so I kept talking to him online and through email. I thought we were friends, but then he told my friend he didn't like me at all (probably because I came on too strongly). Now, his girlfriend has moved out of the country, and we talk and he considers us friends. All my friends tell me he likes me, and I REALLY think he does. I even had a dream about him last night... It was about him and I, and he asked me out (in the dream). I don't know what I should do, because he has a girlfriend, and sometimes he acts all jealous when I talk about other guys and stuff like that. And other times, he says he misses his girlfriend. Please help? Free five for decent answers.
The Answer
This guy has made it pretty clear in the past that he isn't interested. He stayed with his girlfriend, he wasn't keen on being friends with you and he got angry when you expressed your feelings for him.
Leave him alone now. The ball is in his court, if he likes you he'll say so. Listen to what he really says not your dreams.
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The Question
I'm 25 and have lived in my own apartment for three years, but I recently met a girl my age who has a house and a spare bedroom and wants a housemate to help with payments, so I'm going to move in with her. She's really cool and we hang out and have gotten to be friends. Here's my question: a few people (my parents, mostly) have told me that any time you're going to live with someone new you should have a set of ground rules that you both work on and agree to... like, what hours it's okay to play loud music, who's going to do dishes when, stuff like that. I told them the idea is silly because we're friends and she's going to think I'm weird and uptight if I propose something like this. If my music is too loud, she can tell me, you know?
So what do you think... should we just go with whatever for a while, or work out an agreement? What sort of stuff should we put on this list of rules if we do it?
The Answer
In my experience alot of friends can manage up. Agreeing on these things before hand can sawithout hard and fast rules over music and cleaning and such, especailly when dealing with only two people (last year I lived with nine... don't remind me.)
The important part to have figured out and on paper is how you will split any money that is involved. Groceries, cable or phone bills, rent and any repairs or costs that crop ve you alot of hassle and court apperances.
Even if you don't have set rules, it would probably be good to have a discussion with your friend, does anything really bug her? What about having company or people spend the night? Feel eachother out on the big topics and keep communicating, you'll be fine.
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The Question
This is... kind of odd, I suppose.
Please only read this is you are female.. and know what you are talking about?
I'm 13. I've had my... yeah...
But I've never liked a guy. Ever. Been kissed. Wanted to kiss. Never had a crush or a boyfriend or anything.
I have no interest in girls, either. Nothing.
I'm not shy around boys or girls.
What's up with me? :/
The Answer
It's entirely normal. I didn't notice males at all until I was about sixteen. Consider yourself lucky, intelligent and an independant thinker.
Someone is going to flame me for this but my personal theory, is a lot of very young teens and pre-teens who date aren't really doing it out of genuine feelings of attraction or love, but are mimicing what they see in the media or how older people behave.
I promise you, by skipping out on this period of childish and more often then not, destructive and hurtful relationships, you will be a happier person in the long run.
Just look at the questions we get here everyday from people your age and be grateful. Save your affections for something really meaningful and enjoy your youth as long as you want.
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The Question
sorry it's a little long well one of my close friends asked me out and he's kinda known as a cheater and I'm thinking of telling him yes but I've been hearing all these rumors that he kissed his ex and that he was trying to hook up with some other girl and it just makes me wonder about him.I asked him if it was true and he said no that he puts it on everything he has and he swore to god. my friend asked him too and he told her the same thing I really like him but I think I might get hurt if I say yes I will rate a 5.please help
The Answer
You've only got your own gut to follow on this one, if you don't think you can trust him, then don't date him. Maybe just be his friend for a while, see how he bahaves first hand.
If you do decide to go out with him, watch out for yourself. Trust has to be earned. Listen to what he actually says and does, and not what you want him too.
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The Question
My grandfather is a very old, sick, frail man. He is 93 years old, a cancer surviver, a husband, a father... He hasn't been doing so good lately. Last week he called the funeral parlour to make arrangements for himself, he told my grandmother what song he wanted to be played at the funeral, where he wanted to be burried, where he wanted the wake to be. I'm really upset, because I love my grandfather dearly, he's such a great man. When my other grandfather died when I was eight, I went to his funeral and I couldn't keep myself together at all, it was so scary for me to be there seeing him in a casket completely lifeless when he used to be this happy man who would joke around with my brother and me when we were younger, who would take us down to the corner store to get candy since my dad wouldn't take us.. I don't want to have to go through that again. I know it's the right thing to pay my respects, but I'm just so scared. How can I get over my fear of going to his funeral? I do want to be there to pay my respects, but I'm so so scared. Can anyone help?
The Answer
Remember that you wont be alone when your grandfather passes. In the room with you will be your whole family and all his friends too. They will probably spend the whole funeral telling great stories about your grandpa, what kind and funny things he did and what a wonderful person he was.
Yes, you'll probably be sad and scared and have trouble holding yourself togeather, you wont be alone in that. If you feel uncomfortable aproaching the body don't feel you absolutely have to (in my family, any one below eighteen is discouraged from it). But going to the funeral isn't just the right thing to do for the your grandfathers sake, but for your own too. Take it as an oppertunity to talk about your grandfather, to share your stories and your love for him.
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The Question
I always have trouble on picture day, I have wide shoulders and a large bustline, and not many styles of shirts look flattering, tank tops make me look like a football player, and halters are even worse. I look too busty with a v-nack, but simple shirts seem to just make everything look worse. Does anyone have any shirt ideas that can flatter or disguise my flaws?
14/female.
The Answer
Try a button up blouse, especially one with princess seams, it's a little formal, but I think you'll be pleasantly surprised with how you look in one. Also, try sweaters with high but long necks, ones that aren't quite off the shoulder.
Good luck!
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The Question
This guy, Justin, and I got back together a couple of weeks ago after breaking up. We have been on and off for about a year, the longest time we went out was for 2 1/2 months. Well I went out with this guy Nick, and Justin didn't call me almost all summer because he thought I was still with him. When he found out we weren't together he called me and we both confessed that we'd never stopped loving each other. Now that we're back together, I've fallen harder for him that ever before, and we have alot stronger connection. He's a totally changed person. He's trying to stop doing drugs and smoking, he backed away from a fight yesterday for me, he actually DANCED for the first time in his life and before we started going out he called my dad for permission to be with me. He's actually doing his schoolwork and staying out of trouble and he tells me it's because he loves me and will change to be with me, even if I don't ask him too.
That's just a little bit of background information though, so you can see that we really do love each other and this isn't just an impulse desicion. Well...I've always thought of him as maybe being my first and lately I've thought about it more and more. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to do it for a long while, but I do have a few questions.
How bad does it hurt?
What do I do...if I'm on bottom OR top?
What are the condoms that are most reliable?
Did you regret your first time?
Anything else?
Sorry it's so long but THANK YOU SOO MUCH IF YOU ANSWER!
The Answer
I'd like to say, that even with your history and strong attachment to this guy, your on-agian-off-agian relationship makes me a little nervous for you. Stop breaking up! If he is worth staying with, stay with him.
Yes sex can hurt the first few times. It is certainly not unbearable, but often not pleasant untill you stretch and get used to one another.
Most girls seem to find it eaiser to be on the bottom at first.
Condoms are all pretty much equally reliable. Buy the lubricated ones and make sure they are not expired. But a pack and experiment, make sure you can put them on properly. Most condom rips and holes result from improper use.
Don't rush yourself into this. I have never heard anyone say they regret waiting to have sex, but alot of people say they regret thier frist time. I know I regret mine.
Take care of yourself!
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The Question
Hey I got a question. Well first off I started photography about a year ago, and while I was in school I used to use a manual camera with film I rolled and what not. But now that school is out I dont have a dark room to use, so I have been using my digital camera and going to walmart to do my prints.
I wanted to join a gallery in a nearby town, and they had an opening in the nudist section. Now my question is, is there anyway I can print nude pictures somewhere where it wont be a problem? online or can I do it at walmart if they dont have a problem?
thanks
The Answer
My memory tells me that Walmart does have a problem with pictures depicting nudes although I couldn't find thier policies online. Beyond that, I imagine some of your models would feel uncomfortable with such a method of printing.
If you are serious about making digital prints investing in a home printer and professional photo editing software that is up to the task might be worth it.
I'd ask the gallery, or the other photographers at the gallery where they go for prints. Many stores that are not large chains would probably be more agreeable to handling nude prints and building a relationship with a professional printer would probably help you a great deal.
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The Question
HI. i would like to get money out of my bank accont, but i am onley 13. is it possible to get $300 out? can my parents do it?
HELPPPPPP!
Note: i need money for a horse
13/f NY
thankyou
The Answer
Is there a problem is asking for your parents help? I mean certainly they know what type of account you have and what you need in order to get money out of it.
At thirteen your account might not be your own, it might be joint or under your parents name, in which case, you definately need thier help.
On a side note, $300 will not get you a horse by a long shot. An inexpensive horse runs about $1000-$2000. $300 will barely cover the first vet bill or the first months feed.
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The Question
Ok, yesterday, I was really stressing out. I had a ton of homework, I discovered one of my friends are a cutter, and I have like 3 major tests that I bombed. I spent an hour crying in the principles office.once i got home, I got really short on breath. My chest constricted. I got really nausious and i couldn't breath. i got really dizzy and i passed out. I have no clue what happened. Can anybody help me?? Is it serious?! does it like actually have a name, or is it just me short circiting.
ppplllzzz help.
i give 5s for reasonable answers!!
signed,
anxious and twitchy
The Answer
Welcome to the wonderful world of panic attacks. Some people only have one or two in thier whole lives, at times of extreem stress like the time you are having right now.
Calling it short circuiting is a good way to discribe it. What doctors actually believe happens is the brain's normal mechanism for reacting to a threat (the fight-or-flight response) is triggered and your body reacts physically, with nausea, dizziness or lightheadedness, increased heart rate, sweating and chills.
All and all, not pleasant. The good news is you might never experience one agian, but by all means research them and learning the coping and breathing skills that will help you. The counselors at school might be alot of help too, you'll be shocked just how many teens have experiences like yours these days.
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The Question
hi my name is justin and im 16. i live in the bronx, ny. and im into the oreintal stuff, so recently i bought a katana. (its a sword) its not sharp or anything, but my father hetes it. he said he thinks one day i might get angry at him and chop him to piecies. which makes sense, but my father owns a desert eagle( a gun) thet he brought back from the war( its either the vietnam of persien, im not sure..) so should he complain even though he owns a gun?
signed..
Konfused
The Answer
Should he complain? Maybe not.
But the deal here is, he is the adult and you aren't. He makes the rules of the house and you don't. He chooses what weapons are okay to have in the house, that is part of his responsiblity as a father.
If you want to keep the sword I'd suggest talking to your father seriously and calmly. Chances are accusing him about his gun will not help you keep your sword. So stick to your own issues, it is unsharpened, decorative only, and you know better to turn it on a person, right?
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The Question
ok, so I'm a Freshman at this high school.... well the Homecoming Dance is coming up and A LOT of ppl want to ask me....i dont hav a BF, but i like a lot of the guys that wanna ask me... this one sophmore asked me, but i dunno if my family wld wanna let me go w/ him since they dont kno him very well.... then there's a buncha lil' freshman guys that wanna ask me too...and i kno them better than the upperclassmen!!! so what shld i do, go with the older guys or younger??? and if i go w/ the older, how do i break news to the freshman (and vice versa)!!!
~So Many Dates!!!
The Answer
It's just a dance, relax. But if you want my advice go with someone in your class who you know well and can have a good time with. Don't put so much presure on yourself, it's not like you are picking a husband. Just make sure you can have a good time with whomever you choose.
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The Question
well. i went camping with my friend adam who brang his friend john with. we were walking in the woods and john was flirting with me and i finaly took his hand, forgetting he had a girlfriend already. so it got dark and the curfue was eleven. so we stayed out and i dont know how but me and john started to make out. and it was the first time i had ever made out in my life. so, we would always go on trails with adam and we would always make out. it was like me and john were together and that i was his girlfriend. they went home and we went home and when i got online, we started to talk. and i never liked his girlfriend. so me and her always talk now and now shes like my best friend. even tho she tells me sometimes to back away from john and stuff cuz he's hers. but i cant. finally, john promised me he would never hert me. i got online the next day, getting an IM from his girlfriend saying, omg. john purposed to me. so i got really pissed and started to cry. john still calls me cutie and still loves me. we're going camping in september again. what should i do??? PLEASE HELP ME!!!!
The Answer
Slap him. Hard. And then get over him.
This guy is all talk. He says he loves you, he says he'd never hurt you, an he treats you like his girlfriend, but only when you are alone.
That's not how someone who actually loves you treats you and you know it. Love is costant and concerned and respectful. This guy treats you like a doormat. He gets what he wants from you and then runs back to his girlfriend.
I wouldn't even take his purposal to her very seriously. Clearly everything that comes out of his mouth is bullshit. How many more times will he need to prove that to you before you find the strength to end things?
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The Question
We've been together with my bf for 1 yr and 1 month and recently we had a fight(a big fight) two days ago.And in the next day, he wont call me,text me or even visit me at my house...i miss him so much because everyday he wud visit me in my house...and that night i texted him that are we still together? and he doesnt text back...today i texted him that im home now, will u visit me and he didn't...i really really miss him...i cry a lot bcoz i totally miss him...what should i do?forget him?or should i stay in this realtionship?
i will rate 5...promiz
jean
The Answer
Stop texting him. Never wait by the phone for a guy, especailly one you just had a fight with. Pull up your socks and go visit him.
It's very childish for him to just ignore you and leave you in the lurch. Confront him and figure out what is going on. If he continues to be such a jerk, not explaining anything or willing to discuss it with you, dump him, be nice and clear about it too. Maybe someday he'll learn avoiding people is no way to deal with your problems.
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The Question
ok, i got my braces off today and my bottom front teeth are sore...well the gumm around them is at least. It swelled up really big and is covering like half my tooth. My school starts in like 6 days..how do i get rid of it and keep it not so swollen..haha sry i worded that wrong. :) thank-you
The Answer
Do not brush them hard right away! At first, just let them be for a day or too. They are irratated of course. Help the swelling go down by buying some mouthwash with floride in it like the OralB blue stuff. Do not gargle with salt water. That is good to help sore gums if they are infected or something, but not when they are simply irratated by brushing, flossing or things like braces.
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The Question
Do you think its okay to teach your child to hit someone back if they hit him first?
The Answer
Maybe this is just because I'm a chick, but I would say it's not wrong exactly, it's just not necessary.
If it were me, I would focus on instilling my child with intelligence and respect. Let them know that physical violence isn't okay, give them the problem solving skills to find away out, or avoid most situations that might call for physical violence (as well as protect them from those situations myself, while I'm still able).
A child with intelligence and confidence will hit back if they must, it's only human. But I see no reason to condone that behavior by teaching it.
Maybe I’m just an idealist.
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The Question
Do you think it is okay for a young person to have plastic surgery? I really don't like my nose but I don't know if I should say something to my mom now or just wait until I'm older. What do you guys think?
The Answer
It is not a very good idea to have plastic surgery until you are in your twenties. Untill then, your body is still growing and changing, including your face. Your new nose might end up looking awful on your fully grown face. Talk to your mother if youd like, but I imagine most surgens will advise you to wait until you are definately finished growning.
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The Question
My brother is getting married next month. He lives in Washington and we have to fly there for the wedding. I am scared to death to fly and I really don't even want to go if I have to. Should I say something to my parents? Should I just go and hope it doesn't crash? HELP!
The Answer
You should mention your fear to your parents. They might have ideas to help you cope and will be supportive. Extremly few planes ever crash, you are far more likely to be in an car accident then a plane crash.
Bring music to listen to, plenty to read, and even take some medicine to help you sleep and keep your tummy sound. Make sure you take slow deep breaths and stay relaxed. Bring some hard candies to suck on during the take off and the landing, that will help you keep your ears from poping and feeling the height so much.
Having said that. Please go! This is your brother, and marriage is a once in a life time deal. The couple will probably be deeply hurt if you don't come to thier wedding, and many other members of your family will be dissapointed too. Welcome your sister-in-law into the family in person, you'll probably regret it if you miss this day.
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