NinjaNeer's advice column

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Q: So im 14 weeks pregnant and not sure of what im having yet. Im very worried, there is a disease in my family that is only shown in boys, I was wondering if i would carry this? Its called hirschsprung's disease not many people have heard of it, but the question is its on my dads side of the family My dad has 2 brothers, my one uncles 7 year old boy has it, and my uncles daughter's newborn son now has this disease. Would i have the same cells as my cousin? I dont really understand anything about cells and how the work but i need to know my chances of having this disease for my unborn child.
Also is it wrong to bring a sick baby into this world? The last thing i want to do is get an abortion but is that the best thing to do if my child will suffer from this disease.
Advice would be great thanks :(

If your father doesn't have it, it's unlikely that you and he would be a carrier. However, I am not a doctor, so I can't really tell you for sure. Have you talked to your doctor about your concerns? They can confirm the medical bits.

As for whether or not it's wrong to bring a sick baby into the world... I think it all depends on how sick. If the kid is never going to have anything resembling a normal life, and is going to be in pain for the entire duration, I would say it's iffy. But for something like Hirschsprung's? I looked it up, and it looks like there's an established treatment with a high success rate. Even when the surgery doesn't succeed, there's a back-up that allows them to keep living. Their quality of life wouldn't be affected too greatly.

I have asthma and bipolar disorder: both are genetic disorders. That means that I run a strong chance of having children with one or both of these. Would I pass up having children just because they won't be genetically perfect? No, because I know that there are ways of getting around both and living fairly normally, and because I would at least know what to look for in them so that we could head off any negative symptoms early on.

Some might argue that it's wrong to knowingly bring a sick kid into the world. I think that's bordering on eugenics, unless that child's life would be incredibly painful and miserable. Sounds to me like your baby will be fine :)

Q: Why do I get so many crushes on guys, but there are very few I actually want to date?

There's only been 2 guys that I've met that I'd actually have really wanted to date, in my entire life (excluding celeb guys haha), but with all the tens of other guy crushes I've had I didn't feel they were good enough. So if I didn't feel they were worth being my first boyfirend and all, why would I develop a crush on them?

Like I have a crush on a guy now at school that I don't really know but idk why I just feel a connection with him.. and he's not even that attractive or anything so it really confuses me, cause usually appearance plays some part. I'm not cocky or anything, but I'll admit I have good looking features. cocky is actually a huge turnoff for me.. I almost always crush on quietly confident guys. I don't flirt (at least not consciously) cause I'm afraid of rejection, but also cause I don't want to lead someone on when I don't want to be in a relationship with them. Or do I? Sometimes I kind of fantasize about guys that I don't even necessarily want to date, like this guy on my mind right now. I'm a 17 year old girl.. is this normal? Sometimes I just feel an urge to want to kiss someone or be with someone but I still haven't even reached anywhere near that level.

Once a guy clearly had a crush on me but I thought he was gross, and then once he started liking someone else, I got jealous. What is up with that? I wasn't even doing it on purpose. But he just seemed more mature and everything. I don't even know if I'd have much time for a relationship.. and the idea of heartbreak after getting so far into a relationship is a very foreign and sort of scary thought. But sometimes it's like my body just wants it, though I have many years ahead of me for relationships.

Why am I so awkward in general.. ugh. Especially in the field of "love". I have no legit experience with it. The closest I've gotten to a relationship was like in 4th grade, but were in denial of our crushes on each other. I didn't even know he had a crush on me til years later when a friend told me, like it was obvious. Or maybe I did? Haha Idk that was many years ago. He's changed a lot and I live in a diff place, so w/e. I don't even think about him that way, anymore. Some other crushes are hard to shake, though. Oh yeah he's one of the guys I was talking about that I wouldn't have minded dating. There's another guy.. he has a gf now, and he was seriously like the perfect guy but my family had to move to a diff town, unfortunately. occasionally i still think about him and feel a bit pissed nothing could have happened. ehhhhhhhh

sorry this is just me rambling by this point. any help is greatly appreciated!

Crushes are superficial things. They're based on stuff like how the person looks, their mannerisms, etc. Basically, they're nice to look at, but you don't really care what's inside their heads.

Whether or not you want to date someone depends on their personality, their goals and aspirations, and all the other things that hide beneath the surface. You have to know someone a little deeper before you want to date them. Most guys I've dated, I haven't had crushes on.

It's perfectly normal to hold back until you really know what you want. Superficial relationships tend to be pretty short and painful. If you wait until you find a guy worth your time and effort, you won't be disappointed.

Q: Are you supposed to do homework by yourself, or with other people, so you can have a better advantage?

And why?

When people do homework together, without the teacher saying so, is that cheating? Or when people copy homework from other people. Or is that having the best advantage?

I thought you were only supposed to get answers from other people when you didn't understand something and needed help. But copying directly from someone else, or doing certain parts just to get the work done faster. It's not ethically right, and I thought that is not how homework is supposed to be either. But my mom thinks otherwise, and now I'm really confused.

I'm a 17 year old junior.. and it takes me longer to do work and everything cause I never cheat with homework like that. Honestly I'll admit I cheat occasionally on tests and quizzes, but I'll admit its wrong. If I spent more time studying, which I'm trying to do, to be a better student, I wouldn't have needed to do that. I only get answers when I don't understand something but I thought that's what the main point of homework was.. to only ask when you needed help. and there's a difference between having help and being lazy. at least admit its wrong.. people seem to act like its okay and everything. and then they wonder why our world is so f***ed up. from someone copying work from someone else to "get the best advantage" to a politicians avoiding taxes to "get the best advantage", its the same f***ing concept.

Are we supposed to try and have the best advantage or do what is ethically right? I am so confused.

I find that doing homework with others is advantageous because you have someone there to help you out if you're struggling with a problem, and you have a basis for comparison for your answers. If you and your friend both answer the same question and get totally different answers, you can compare and figure out which one of you is wrong: that's something a textbook can't give you. Both of you are doing the work, so you're not cheating.

Copying homework is technically cheating. However, I have been known to do it, especially if the homework is on something that I understand completely, and it's just page after page of busy work that will be marked. Why do I do it? Because I don't need the practice, and it's being forced on me. In cases like that, if it weren't being marked, I would just do every third or fourth question to check and make sure I have the right idea. I wouldn't do that for an assignment, though, because they aren't so much a matter of "did you do this work" as opposed to "where are you in your learning so far".

I do find it funny that you're comparing people cheating on homework to the end of morality as we know it, but you admit to cheating on tests. ;) Just think how much more time you'd have to study the things you NEED to study if you weren't stuck doing pages of questions about things you don't need to reinforce further.

Q: Hello to all and thank you for your interest; this question is open to all! :)

I would like to know your brutally honest opinion about girls with dread locks.

Hot? Gross? Don't care? Let me know!

Thanks for your time!

Blessings :)

It depends on who you're trying to attract, and how well done your dreads are. I've seen some dreads that are actually kind of cute, but they tend to be the ones that are professionally done and smaller. If you do them yourself, chances are they'll look more like ratty tangles than dreads. Ick. If you're looking to attract more of an 'alternative' sort of person, then they will find it attractive. Employers, not so much.

Dreads are washed, contrary to popular belief. You wash them with dish soap so that they stay dried out.

The part that you may not have considered is the post-dread stage. Eventually, you will want to get rid of them. The only way is to shave your head to about 1/2 inch. So keep in mind that not only are you stuck with dreads once you have them, but you're also stuck with no hair when you do finally get sick of them.

Q: hey I'm a college student and I have been looking for employment on campus. Although I don't live on campus, I spent a lot of time here. I usually do homework in the library and I'm very involved in school activities. I'm really enjoying it to the fullest extent. However, I need some money, like a lot of college students. I have a scholarship, so it's not so much that I need the money to pay for classes. That's covered. But, I need to make money to pay for other things. I hope that by the time Fall comes around, I will have a job at school because I'm already on a list for work-study students. However, in the meantime, I want to make a small business just so I can have a little bit of income and I won't be SO broke. I really want to do well in my classes this semester so I'm not going to find a job outside of school in the meantime. It just wouldn't work out with my schedule and there is only like a month left of school. I just need something to carry me just a little bit longer. What kinds of things would people be willing to invest money in? I mean, I know people don't really buy jewelry and stuff. They do, but it doesn't really sell too much. I was thinking maybe of catering. Like, lunches and dinners. Maybe dinners may be good for the people in the dorms. Lunches would be good for the commuters because we usually eat lunch on campus. I thought of maybe selling clothes and purses but people won't really buy that outside of a store. I wouldn't mind having a store with my mom or something. Maybe we could start off by doing promotions/events/trunk shows. I really don't know what to do. I do excellent makeup, but I don't have a license or anything like that. Can you give me some good ideas. I was thinking of something that might cater to my friends at school because that would bring more business. But, anything is good :) ideas are appreciated.

I know it's not as glamorous as selling stuff, but something that does really well in my student city is cleaning. Especially if you offer a post-party cleaning special, you can make a ton of money(a service in my old neighbourhood charges $100+ for the morning after a party). A lot of students would rather kick in a few bucks a week and hire someone to clean their common areas than to do it themselves. You don't need any special skills or equipment (just cleaning supplies) and you can set your own hours. At the end of the year, you can also do really good business as people are clearing out of their rental places/dorm rooms and need to have it spotless in order to get their deposit back.

Another idea if you have a car and don't mind working weekends is to run a delivery service. Offer to pick up booze/snacks for people for a fee. You'd be surprised at how many people will pay a %25 mark-up on alcohol when they're already drunk and want more. It also keeps drunk drivers off the road... double win!

Other than that, it all depends on what sort of talents you have. I've made a little bit of money knitting stuff for people. If you have a similar crafty talent, that can make you some money. Catering is difficult to do unless you have the proper licensing.

Q: My best friend, who is also one of my roommates (I'm a freshman in college), is depressed. She just told me that she is seeking help and going to a psychologist but I'm still really worried about her and I don't know how to help her. She is not herself anymore at all. I tried to make her laugh and cheer her up, but she wouldn't even crack a smile. She kept saying nothing interests her anymore. I don't know what could've happened that triggered it..we tell each other everything and I don't think anything happened in her family...we've actually had some of the best times this year together. Everything seemed to be going great.. Then all of a sudden she just wasn't herself anymore. The past week she has been going home instead of staying in the dorm room, and is just not herself at all.

What can I do to help her? What could've caused this? A chemical imbalance or something? And how long will this last... because I hate to see her like this, and I really just want my best friend back. :(

Depression doesn't necessarily have a trigger. People can be genetically predisposed. The reason it would be coming out now is her age: symptoms often start to appear or get worse when you hit your late teens/early twenties.

What can you do to help her? Listen to her. Don't abandon her, no matter how awful she's being. I lost all but 2 of my friends during my mental health struggles, because I wasn't "fun" any more. Try to get her out of her room, keep her eating healthy and maybe even exercising a little. Don't try to force her into social situations, because that can be really difficult. If she won't do things for her (which is a huge possibility) try to get her to do things for you. YOU need to go for a walk. YOU need to go get food. That sort of thing. Depressed people don't care about themselves, but they are fairly pliable when it comes to doing things for people they care about.

If she is seeing a psychiatrist, it's only a matter of time before she will be put on an antidepressant, likely. Things will start to improve, but it takes a few weeks for antidepressants to reach their full effectiveness. Untreated, depressive periods can last anywhere from a few weeks to years. Fortunately, you can often go off of antidepressants once you're out of the pit.

You are an amazing friend. It's not many people who would stick by someone while they go through this. If you find yourself having a lot of trouble, you can always seek counselling to help you through your friend's tough times. Your school should offer it for free through student services.

Q: hey 17 f
so i got a puppy about 3 months ago and hes a yorkie/shiht-zu and he is currently 4 months old. he bites me all the time. i hit him (lightly offcourse) on his back not on the head but he just growls at me and gets angry and trys to bite me even harder. i also say "NO" when he bites me and again he growls at me and doesnt listen at all. i really dont know what to do becuase he bites my little brother also. (not hard since he is a puppy) but still. how can i show him whose boss? and make him stop biting me? i mean eventually he is gonna grow and its actually gonna hurt. thankyou so much in advance.

To get our dog to stop his puppy nibbles, I developed a weird sort of thing that seemed to work.

Rather than hitting him, I would curl my hand in a tube around his nose, then tap the end of the tube with my other hand and say "No bites" in a firm voice. Then I would stop playing with him for a little while.

Don't worry too much. This is how puppies play, but it is a behaviour that needs to be nipped in the bud.

Q: What do you think is the minimal age that you can wear perfume? being in high school and being hit in the face with smells of BO and AXE spray is horrible, but I'm almost 18 and I'm not really upping my age at all (I don't keep up witht he laest fashion, heels aren't ym thing). I kind of thought that a perfume would be nice and could be discrete if it's a faint smell.

I'm not a fan of like really noticable ones but there was this article I found of new perfumes that someone using perfume for the first time would try since it can hlep you with even weight loss, etc. I was kind of concerned because the same perfue could smell different depending on the person's own body but these ones kind of stabalize things.

My list includes:
Tsi-La Misaki
Pacifica Mediterranean Flag
Giorgio Armani Acqua di Gioia
Dawn Spencer Hurwitz
C.O. Bigelow Lemon Eau de Parfum
Harvey Prince Eau de Lite

What is your opinion? And have you used any of these?

Personally, I hate being stuck in a fog of cheap scents. I do like using a bit of nice perfume every once in a while, though.

You really can't go by someone else's opinion of a scent. To one person something might smell light and citrusy, and to another it smells like you're wearing a citronella candle around your neck.

When you go to check out perfumes, bring a little baggie of coffee with you. It can help to 'reset' your nose in between scents. If you find one you like, have it sprayed on you. It can change with the heat of your body and with time, so walk around for a good half hour to see if you still like it. I've done this experiment before, and what smelled lovely the moment it was sprayed smelled like rancid flower compost 20 minutes later. Or I just decided I didn't like the smell enough to carry it with me all day.

Personally, I use Vera Wang's Princess. The best way I can describe it is lavender with notes of chocolate. It's not too flowery or musky, and it doesn't make you smell like a pre-teen. I also have a lotion for days when I don't want such an intense scent. A little on my wrists is all I need, and it lasts longer than perfume. I strongly suggest that route if you're looking for subtlety. Most perfumes also come in a lotion.

Q: So, I've used tampons multiple times. Every time I take it out there's a piece of my body tissue that wraps around the end of it. i have to take my finger and pull the tissue off of the end of the tampon before pulling it out. This is always an extremely painful process. What should I do???

It sounds like the tampon absorbency you've chosen is too high for your flow. When that happens, the tampon will stick to your skin, and it hurts like crazy to pull it out. Try going down by an absorbency level.

If you are still having trouble, but want an insertable option, try looking into reusable menstrual cups. You can get disposables or ones that are reusable for a full year (like the Diva Cup). I find I don't have the same problems with them that I used to when I was a tampon user because they're made of silicone, which doesn't leach moisture. You can leave it in for 12 hours, take it out and rinse it, then pop it back in. You boil them at the end of your cycle.

Q: 20 female.

So every one tells me that i still look really pretty without make-up. I won't lie i will go out in public without make-up and it doesn't bother me. I do usually wear make-up when I go outbut I'm not like some girls where they have to always have make-up on. Usually when I'm around guys, and its night time or something I'll take a shower and so I'll have no make-up on and my hair will be all gross haha (my hair is kind of wavy, but not cute when i leave it naturally) My best friend that i'm always with freaks out whenever a guy might have to see her without make-up and I don't see it as a big deal. Sometimes I feel less pretty around her because I won't have any make-up after a shower and she will be all done up still though.

For instance. Last weekend we were at a hotel and four of our guys friends stayed with us in the same room. I just had to take a shower because I always do at night so I don't feel gross. So i had no make-up on and my hair not done. I guess I didn't really care. But my friend got in the shower and just washed her body off and didn't get her hair wet and didn't take her make-up off.

I guess my question is, do guys really care if a girl doesn't ALWAYS have her make-up on? I asked one of my guy friends that night at the hotel if i looked different without make-up because people tell me i don't look that different and he said "no, but that's a good thing!" i don't want to be walking around sometimes without make-up with me thinking it's not a big deal and guys are thinking "oh gross, whats she doing"

Any comments are welcomed thanks!

One of my guy friends went on a rant about women and false advertising. He said that it sucks when you ask out a really hot girl, and then once the hairstyle, makeup and padded bra come off, she's not nearly as spectacular looking and probably kind of high maintenance and mean to boot.

There's a difference between "guys like natural women" and "guys like women who aren't complete gargoyles when they're not wearing makeup". Most guys like the results that makeup gives. What they don't like is waking up next to a hideous, mascara-streaked beast with orange foundation marks all over her pillow. For them, it's nice to know that you can take a girl camping without her complaining that there was nowhere to plug in her straightener.

You wearing makeup less often is an advertisement that you are not high maintenance, but that you know how to doll yourself up when the time is right. That's a good thing.

Q: hi!am the one who took the 50piritons and today is the 3rd day and am stil ok,is there any problem or can i die?

Seeing as you're still writing to us, you are likely past the worst of the dangers. You should still see a doctor, to rule out any possible invisible organ damage that may have been done.

And yes, there is a problem. Something led you to take those pills. Nobody takes 50 allergy pills because they have a sniffle. Even though you're past the immediate physical danger, the emotional reasons behind your taking the pills have to be addressed. When you go to see the doctor, ask for a referral to a counselor. Many work on a sliding scale depending on your income, so money isn't a factor. I strongly suggest that you start seeing a counselor who can help you work through your problems. Suicide is not the answer.

Q: I have been overweight my whole life. Back in high school I dropped 40 pounds. I gained it all back and then some. I have been trying to watch what i eat but with working crazy shifts its hard. I also have been working out to turbo jam, but to me it gets boring east. I thought about joining a gym, I did in the past and didnt feel it was working, but then again it was too big of a gym and i just got on the ellipitical. I would like to lose 50 pounds atleast before summer. I also have a problem with being hungry a lot and didnt know if i should check into a appetite suppresser?

You want to lose 50 lbs in the next 2-3 months? Have you considered cutting off a limb? ;)

Unless you weigh 400+ lbs, that just isn't a healthy option if you want to keep the weight off.

Losing weight is a matter of calories in, calories out. If you eat less than you burn doing all of your daily activities (breathing, moving, exercising) you will lose weight. However, if you eat too little, you will stop losing weight as your body decides to take a death grip on whatever calories you're consuming and slows its processes so you don't die. I suggest that people use a website like SparkPeople or MyFitnessPal (both are free - I use MFP) to help set goals and track food and exercise.

If you're hungry a lot, it's probably the food you're eating rather than how much. If you find yourself getting hungry, eat a snack made up of a carb and a protein (like apple slices and peanut butter or a piece of cheese). The carbs will give you a boost of instant energy, and the protein will give you long-lasting energy and keep you full longer. Foods that are high in fibre, like raw veggies, fruit or whole grains, keep you full for a long time too.

Find an exercise you like and can keep doing. If it's just walking, that's fine. If it's joining a dance class, or a yoga class, or doing random workout tapes at home, go for it. If you don't like it, you won't keep it up.

Lastly, you have to recognize that this is a forever lifestyle change, not a diet. You can't live on celery and tuna for 4 months, lose 40 lbs and then start mowing down nachos and beer and expect to stay the same weight. You have to choose healthy foods and stay within reasonable limits in order to keep the weight off. You might be able to lose 50 lbs by the summer, if you were to stop eating, exercise like crazy and be miserable. I can guarantee you that as soon as you went off your 'diet', you would gain back all the weight and more. It's all about being able to maintain your choices.

Q: Recently I posted a question asking opinions about a story. What I got pretty much said it's stupid and makes no sense, rather than constructive criticism. I only put the basics of the plot, but it's supposed to be stupid.
What happens is a zombie goes on an epic journey to find his lost cookie. He goes through a cave of snakes, a river of piranhas and fire, and a dragon's lair and survives, then he falls off a cliff after getting the cookie and dies (again). Is it really so stupid I shouldn't bother?
I'm not trying to sound like a whiny lady-dog!

I agree with the previous poster. Keep in mind that I'm not an author, but just an avid reader with a taste for the unusual.

If this story is meant to be a novel for adults, it's lacking a certain amount of depth. If it's a short story, go with it. I just can't see you stretching this plot as it is into a full length novel. If it can be summed up as "Zombie looks for cookie, experiences difficulties, finds cookie and dies", it's probably not complex enough to extend into a good novel.

Maybe if you gave some back story as to why he's looking so determinedly for his cookie? Is there some deep, existential reason for him needing this cookie? Does he learn something about himself along the way? Do others learn something from him along the way? It's okay to go off-the-wall, but there has to be some meat on the bone or else you're just being weird, rather than being weird with a purpose.

Q: a guy just texted me asking me to prom and i dont know if anybody else will... But the thing is that this guy has kind of a stuttering prob, which isnt bad but my friends just kinda laughed and are like "well do you want to go?" And i dont really know. I want to go to prom, i really do!
But this is so complicated because people are gonna be talking and my friends will just laugh at me and i just feel bad.. i dont want to say no.
He isnt like "weird" he plays sports and has friends and stuff but still... idk. My OWN friends are kind of iffy about it.. HELP!

If you're going to feel awkward, don't go with him. The worst thing you can do when it comes to prom is to go with a guy you don't really like. You'd either be stuck making small talk awkwardly with him, or you'd end up ditching him to go hang out with your friends, which would be unpleasant for him.

You can go to prom stag. Lots of my friends did, and they had a much better time than if they'd gone with some guy they didn't really like!

Q: 20female Shaun-18

So this weekend me and my friend went out of town to go see our friend Nick play hockey. I put a status on facebook up saying we were going there and then when we get there i get a call from this kid Cory. Turned out that Cory, Paul, and Shaun (Nick's friends) were all up there too watching him, me and my friend also know these boys. So they came to our hotel before Nicks game and then after they all came back to our hotel room and stayed the night. Well in our bed it was my friend me and then Shaun. We didn't try going to bed until like 3 in the morning. Well Paul was acting really strange and was basically freaking me and my friend out (thats another story) so as we were laying down in the bed i got really close to Shaun because i was scared and he is a boy so i felt safe. Keep in mind all the lights were off so it was pretty dark in the room. Then all of a sudden Shaun puts his arm around me and we started cuddling. I thought, there is no harm in this it's nice to just cuddle with someone every once in a while ya know!? But ...then i couldn't resist him. He had his shirt off and he has a really nice body so i just started gently running my fingertips down his sides and i could tell he was getting turned on. I never thought that would turn him on. So then he started running his fingers down my arm since his arm was around me and it tickled a little but felt good and as he was doing that i was still running my hands down his sides and you could tell he loved it. Then my legs were basically tangled in-between his but i wasn't on top of him at this point. BUT then after a little bit he basically put me on top of him and i could feel he had a boner. All of our clothes were still on, well he just had his shirt off. I started to just move my body up and down on his, so we were basically dry humping. He had his hands down my pants but was only touching my butt and then had his hands all over me and i was running my hands through his hair and was really close to his face. But we never really even did anything..we never kissed, madeout, he never fingered me and i never gave him a hj or bj. But then he tried doing something and i was like stop because my friend was in the same bed right next to us so it was a little weird and then he was like yeah okay well i dont think we should be doing this or it's not a good idea and i was like yeahhhh and then i got off of him and he turned and faced away from me in the bed.

But then in the morning he was acting really weird and making it SO awkward. He was telling his friends get your stuff and lets go i'm going to wait in the car for you guys. Nobody knew what had happened at night, only us. My friend didn't even know. My friend was like jeez Shaun was acting really weird this morning why did he want to leave so bad? But now i feel like it's going to be awkward when I see him next. I don't really even feel like we did anything bad? But he was the one who made it really awkward. Should I feel awkward about this...? I don't know how to make it not awkward when I see him after he basically didn't say anything to me in the morning.

The problem is pretty easy to spot. You didn't see it as a big deal. He did.

Imagine if you were fooling around with this guy, had a great time, then all of a sudden he stopped, rolled over and went to sleep, then pretended that nothing had happened the next morning. You would question yourself. You'd question your sexual prowess. You'd be embarrassed that you had allowed yourself to be led on only to be abruptly dropped.

Some people don't think that physical contact is a big deal. Others do. If I had the sort of night you did, I'd be seeing it as a pretty huge freaking deal. He might be taking it more seriously than you, but unwilling to discuss it because he sees that you don't see it as a matter of importance, and doesn't want to appear 'weird'.

Q: Today, my ex boyfriend called me the name of his current girlfriend. And for some reason this made me FURIOUS... why...?? I honestly don't know why I got so mad... Maybe cause he and I dated for a longggg time, and they're fairly recent and I think she's a whore and not good enough for him? Or maybe cause I obviously still have feelings for him... Hahaha yeah I really don't know why I got so mad. Has any one had the same experience? It happened in study hall, and he was trying to crack his knuckle in my ear and I tried to run away from him cause it grosses me out and he grabs my wrist and goes "(her name)!"

Sounds like you need to back off. You aren't dating this guy for a reason. Remember? You broke up. It doesn't matter what you think of her. Your place is not to judge her. In fact, if you think about it, you weren't 'good enough' for him, and he seems to think she's better for him than you were. It's time to step back and let her be his girlfriend now.

As for calling you her name, it's a pretty common thing when you're in a relationship. I accidentally grabbed my sister's butt after being alone with my fiance for a month. You get into patterns, and they stick sometimes.

If his behaviour bothers you, leave him alone. It's time to move on.

Q: 16/f

I feel so stressed out. I haven't felt like this in a year. I think it's mostly school. I'm so horrible at math and I've been trying to understand and tutoring and all that but it stresses me out. I'm afraid that if I can't do good in it, that I won't do good when I get out of high school and go to college because I'm not too great at math.

Then being able to afford college because I'll be a senior in a few months. The college I'll most likely end up going to is thousands, like maybe $9,000 including room and board, and all that. I'm afraid if I don't get enough money by that time then I won't leave.
I could wait a year but there are reasons why I don't want to but if it comes down to it, then I will.

We haven't had many family problems recently. Awhile ago it was really tough but now I don't think any of that is the problem.

I've been taking what people say pretty seriously. My friend will ask me what I'm good at and he'll say I'm not good at really anything. He said I was good at cleaning and cooking. I don't suck at school but I'm not amazing. My friends point out random things that are wrong with me. I usually just ignore it and it really didn't bother me. Lately I've been taking everything so seriously and I don't know how to stop. I tell myself positive things but it's so hard.
Anyway, sorry about how long this was but any help would be great. Thanks!

Math isn't necessarily all that important when you go to college. If you're planning on majoring in engineering or science, you will need to take complex math courses. If you're planning on going into economics or business, the math you take would be considerably easier. Very little calculus, mostly graphing and adding/subtracting/multiplying/dividing. If you're planning on going into the arts, you may not need to take any math at all. Take a look at the college you're planning on going to and see what the required courses are for the programs you want to apply to. You may be pleasantly surprised. Personally, I'm no good at artsy things, so I stuck with a program that didn't involve that sort of thing. To each her own! There's no point in fighting to complete a program you won't enjoy.

As for making money, yes, there are student loans. There are also scholarships and bursaries for students in need. Try searching for scholarships that you can apply to. You'd be surprised at how much money you can bring in by writing a few essays. You'll also have the summers off to make money, and you can work part time during the school year. I've made it so far without student loans. It just means some strict budgeting and a little less partying than you might like.

If your friends are being overly critical of you and it's bothering you, you need to let them know. Next time one of them points out a flaw, give them a look and say something like "When did I ask for your opinion? Should I start pointing out all of your flaws?" They're picking on you because you accept it gracefully. If they don't want to hang out with you because you're standing up for yourself, they're not worth the effort.

Last but not least, if you are feeling seriously down, try going to talk to your guidance counselor. They can help you to work through some of the hard parts in your life.

Q: I am 21 and my boyfriend is 22. Him and I had an on and off relationship back in 08 till 10. We broke up for good for about 6 months a while ago. Him and I started dating again because we felt like we have worked out our problems. While we were broken up he had sex with Shannon and karen and I had sex with 1 guy who was my new boyfriend. While me and him started hanging out again I knew he did things with these girls because he told me.

While him and I were together Karen kept calling him and left a message saying “fu*k your gf and come see me.” so after this incident he stopped talking to her. I met Shannon at a football game where he didn’t introduce me and she didn’t talk to me. The next time I saw her was at another football game where she said hello and talked to everyone else but me. The third time was at the movies where not much was said being we were at the movies I understand that but when we left her and her friends trailed in front of my bf and I. The last time I saw her was at a party where I met my bf best female friend and I was very kind and friendly to her and Shannon was there and ignored me.

I told my bf before we started dating I didn’t like the idea of him still talking to girls he recently had sex with but I still allowed him to because its something I had to get over and couldn’t be jealous over. But they messed up and I told him I didn’t want to be disrespected and that’s how I felt. So he stopped talking to both of them for the past couple months because he agreed with me that what they did was wrong.

Recently we have been fighting about Shannon. Shannon and my bf go to school together so im sure he sees her around and talks to her for a bit. But today he asked me what we should do about it if he talked to Shannon again. I am very furious with this because I was treated bad but he doesn’t see it like that anymore. He says I was shy (which I am) and that I didn’t make an attempt to talk to her which I find false. he says that he knows her personality and shes not like how I described and that I am shy and I don’t talk to people and etc.

So am I being jealous? Do I allow this? Do we break up? And please just be honest with me because I know sometimes people on this site are very kind and wont be harsh but I have to handle the truth so please give me the truth just don’t be too harsh I guess. Thank You

Sorry about the delayed response. I opened your question to answer it, then closed it to think about it, then life got in the way.

This is a complicated one. Personally, I wouldn't say you're being jealous. I think you've been fairly accommodating of his wishes, and that you've been very understanding. I think he's being a bit of a jerk, because he's not extending the same courtesy to you. The thing about compromise is that it takes two people. One person can't compromise on their own. Personally, I wouldn't have a huge issue with this, but if you do, you do, and he has to understand that. There has been disrespect from these girls in the past, and you are under no obligation to be besties with them, or anything beyond civil, for that matter.

It all comes down to what you can handle. If you can handle him doing what he wants without regard for your feelings, then allow it. That is incredibly difficult, though. Remember that there's a reason why on-and-off relationships are on-and-off: it's because something isn't working. If that something still hasn't been fixed, maybe it is time to move on.

Whatever you decide, you should have a talk with your boyfriend. Let him know that him continuing a relationship with these girls is a deal-breaker for you. Let him make the decision. Let him know that this isn't something he can agree to for a few months at a time. This is a condition to be maintained as long as he is dating you. If he can't handle that, then he obviously feels that it is more important to talk to them than it is to be with you. The problem is that so far, you've allowed him to do what he wants. There have been zero repercussions for resuming a relationship with them. You've got to set some boundaries that you are comfortable with and some 'penalties' for straying outside of those boundaries. If that means that he can't date you any more, then at least he has that warning and can make decisions accordingly.

Q: Okay so I'm 20. I feel like I can't breathe properly, as if I'm not getting enough oxygen into my lungs which causes me to feel lightheaded and dizzy. I also can't do a full yawn sometimes and like i need to yawn every couple of minutes. It usually takes me 6 or 7 tries to get the satisfaction, its the same as the breathing.

I am a smoker, have been for 6 months BUT I've been having this exact problem since I was 5 years old and the only thing the doctor will do is put that thing to my chest and back and ask me to take deep breaths but I don't have the breathing issue when I'm in the doctors office seeing as i only talk to him for 5 minutes.

Doctor also said It could be anxiety and yes I've had anxiety and depression before but like I said, it's been happening since I was 5. Sometimes when I try to get that oxygen satisfaction after a while, my shoulders hurt near my chest area(like the colar bone area) and i can't take deep breaths again for about 5 minutes.

He hasn't even mentioned the possibility of it being Asthma or anything else besides stress and axiety but that can't be it for the reason i stated above and also because it happens 24/7 every single day even when i'm calm and i'm stress free! Dad thinks I'm crazy too, like it's all in my head, but it's not. I've tried breathing exercises and i walk alot and i drink a lot of water and everything and yeah, since I was 5! and I'm pretty sure i wasn't suffering from anxiety or anything when I was 5 so thats another reason.

Does anyone else have the same problem and if they can help? I feel like i'm about to faint or worse, die!

It sounds like you're straining to breathe. You should definitely have your lungs checked out. We can't really diagnose you here, because we aren't doctors, and if we were, we couldn't give out advice online, sight unseen.

I have asthma, and what you're describing sounds a lot like what I deal with when I'm having an exacerbation of my symptoms. If your doctor refuses to do a test on you or send you to a specialist, find one who will. Pulmonary function testing isn't that intense or expensive. I would also go for an allergy test if you haven't had one. The fact that you're experiencing this 24/7 suggests that there's a constant factor. Just because you don't sniffle doesn't mean you're not experiencing an allergic reaction.

It may not be asthma. You could have another lung issue like emphysema, COPD, or even bronchitis. In the meantime, you're not going to like my advice. STOP SMOKING. If you think you may have asthma, it's the worst thing you could possibly do. Also, keep track of your symptoms. Try to keep a diary with notes on what you've experienced each day. That way when your doctor asks for specifics like the impact of exercise on your breathing, you have it ready to go.

Q: How do I tell if the e-mails I am getting about donating to Japan's disaster relief are real, honest charities that aren't out to scam people?

I want to give, but I don't know who to trust and I don't want anything to do with the red cross for my own reasons.

Thank you!

I also refuse to donate to the Red Cross! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one... people tend to look at me like I'm crazy.

If the charity is contacting you by e-mail, don't donate. If they're contacting you by phone, you can do a check online with your country's tax service to see if the charity has non-profit status. You can also view the charity's tax information on the Canadian website.

The Canada Revenue Agency charities search engine:

http://www.cra-arc.gc.ca/chrts-gvng/lstngs/menu-eng.html

The IRS charities search engine:

http://www.irs.gov/charities/article/0,,id=96136,00.html

If you aren't sure that the person contacting you is from a certain charity you want to donate to, you can always tell them that you will call them back or donate online.

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My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.