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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Sorry for the big wall of text. However, I think all of the context is needed for proper advice to be given.

So funny enough, my boyfriend and I met on reddit some months ago, and so far things have been going great. I'm 17 and he's 18. The reason we started talking was that we were both kinda lonely and in search of someone to be close to, however not necessarily in a romantic way. The reason we decided to keep talking was because he informed me that he and his family had plans to visit not only my country, but coincidentally my CITY with his parents over the holidays. Obviously we couldn't let an opportunity like that go to waste, and we kept talking, letting the chemistry build up. Long story short, we ended up meeting while he was here and we got along extremely well. We had liked each other for a couple of months by that point, and we both knew it. But that was the night we decided to make it official and he asked me to be his girlfriend. Of course I said yes. The distance is temporarily an issue, but it won't be for long as I have planned for about two years now to study abroad and get my bachelor's done in Europe (not his country, but about an hour's plane ride away) so it's not like we're just blindly walking into this without thinking everything through. In my eyes, we are being realistic about our relationship, and the whole long-distance thing hasn't even been as hard as I thought.
Anyway, to the point. After he left, we obviously both missed each other a ton, and since I'm going to be graduated by the end of this month and since he's already been to my country, we decided that we wanted to plan for me to come to him (he's still in school but he has a one week break at some point in February). Anyway, he's already mentioned this to both of his parents and they are both very supportive about it and on board with letting me stay in their home for a week. My mother however, is very overprotective. Unlike his parents, she doesn't even know I'm dating someone, nevermind someone who lives on the other side of the world. The thing is though, the problem to my mom isn't that I have a boyfriend- She's actually super excited about that. It's the fact that I met him over the internet, and so obviously he's gonna kidnap and murder me, right? I was talking to him on the phone some months ago at 1am (stupid timezones) and of course she flips the fuck out asking "who are you talking to" "why are you talking to strangers on the internet at 1am" "how do you know it's not a 40 year old neckbeard in his mom's basement" and so on. I get it, I'm her kid, she loves me, and sometimes teenagers can be naive, especially when the opposite sex is involved. However, we had been talking for quite a long time before doing our first call, loooong reddit PM's which then turned into emails about our lives, interests, past histories and so on. I was pretty confident about who I was messaging, and hearing his voice for the first time confirmed it. We of course got along great. Showed me how to play some videogames, showed me some memes his friends and he made, just talking about anything and everything etc. Just dumb harmless stuff until my mother busted in and embarrassed me with the interrogation. Anyway, we continued to call and communicate, snapchatted each other, we had multiple photos of each other at this point and know we're who each other say we are. I just make sure to be super quiet when we call now and do it later when everyone is sleeping.

This is how it goes until we meet. (We met twice, both times I told her I was out with a friend) Went great, we slap a label on it, my mom doesn't contact me once. We met once more while he was in my country, and this time my mom was blowing up my phone because she didn't believe me that I was out with a friend this time. I come clean, tell her I'm on a date, and to please, please just leave me alone as she's embarrassing me. She apologizes, leaves me alone for about half an hour, then starts FREAKING out because for some reason she got it into her head that I'd be unable to find my way home. She's yelling at me over text, calling and calling over and over again, threatening to drive out herself and get me etc. I seriously have no idea what I did to provoke this (other than not telling her I was on a date) but oh well, that's my mom, nothing new. I get home, she's calm until she tells me to sit at the table and I do. She asks how it went, if he's my boyfriend, how I know him etc. and obviously I'm not going to say I went and met up with the same boy she had such a problem with me talking to before online, as I know she'd freak. She even said herself "the reason I hate you talking to people on the internet so much is because my biggest fear is that you'll go and meet them in real life" which is exactly what I did, BUT I made sure I knew him enough and trusted him enough BEFORE doing that and we also met up in a very public place. So I told her it was an exchange student from my school, we walked around together in the evening to which she reacted poorly to as well, telling me as a girl I could have been raped and murdered and so on. Honestly, I get it's a threat and a possibility, but come on. Walking around in a public place with a boy? Possible? Sure. Likely? I don't think so. And ever since then she's been off my back, because whenever I'm on a call with my boyfriend, I tell her it's the same "exchange student" I went on a date with. I get that it's bad to lie and for most people, just telling the truth would have been a lot easier in the long run, but with my mom and the way she is, I feel as if I just didn't have another choice. She pretty much forbade me from talking to my boyfriend (before he was my boyfriend) because I just happened to meet him on the internet and nor irl. I told her everything she wanted to know about him, too. His name, his age, where he was from, why we talked to each other, etc. and she still wouldn't leave me alone. But as soon as I told her that it was the exchange student I was talking to, he literally had zero problem with me talking to him and even encouraged it. Now, however, I HAVE met him in real life.

I'll be 18 this year, and I genuinely think she's being overbearing. I find myself feeling suffocated a lot of the time, and I'm just so tired of it. Please help me out. His parents know I exist. They're on board with me coming to visit. He's a year older than me. I've met him in real life. But I just DON'T know how to tell this to my mom. I want to go and see him like you wouldn't believe, he makes me so happy and I just want to be with him. I don't want to wait until I'm a "legal adult" to go and do that. He's already getting a bit anxious about booking tickets and stuff. The problem here is I've sort of weaved myself into this lie with the exchange student and I don't know how to tell my mom the truth. I really just want her to let me go. Anyone else have overprotective parents, and if so, how do you deal with them? How do I get my mom on board with this?

The law is the law hon. Until you are 18 you are not an adult, even if its two days before your birthday. Then there is the law depending on which state you live in as to the age of consent which in many states is 18. If someone were to say something to authorities that your parents allowed you to go meet a boy when you were not yet 18, then they would have to answer to the law. I am sorry but I have no advice on how to go around the law as this is the real issue, not convincinng parents to allow you to go. Once you turn 18, if they still say no, you can ignore them and do what you want and neither they nor you would get in trouble.

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Ok so I am 30 years old and I have been talking to this 41 year old guy that I met on plenty of fish. We have only been talking a little over 2 months . He has already met my mom and stepdad . He is a really good guy. The problem is my mom told my aunt and cousin about him and now they are saying they want to meet him already. I think 2 months is a little to soon for him to meet my whole family. U want to take things slow and not rush into anything. Is 2 months to soon for him to meet them . How will I know when the time is right ? Thank you.

Talking on line doesn't count as a relationship. If you both start dating, thats good enough reason to come along with you to any family get togethers. My daughters had whomever they were dating, were a couple with, come to any family gatherings by asking first. Some gatherings may be only for family. But if family is open to you bringing along a boyfriend, then its fine. Just tell the family that you don't plan to have all of them meet some one you aren't even dating yet. The fact your Mom did is just a one time occurance. When you are dating, you will be asking if you can bring a boyfriend to the cousins birthday party, etc. And then they can meet him. Before I met my second husband I dated another guy for a short time before we both found the person we wanted to marry, not each other. However he was a real nice guy and all my daughters liked him and still have him as a friend on facebook as well as I. My husband got a chance to meet hin too when both of them helped me move in to live with my new husband. No secrets here. Btw, I met my second husband on plenty of fish. I met others on line who sounded great but I discovered stuff I didn't like or they know I wouldn't tolerate from our online stuff. But in person, they can't hide it as well so I suggest if someone sounds good on line and distance isn't a barrier such as two states apart, then bring the friendship into real life and see if there is anything that can be more than friends. YOu'll learn faster that way.

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in a heterosexual relationship. Just discovered my husband of 30 years is viewing gay porn for hours every morning on his laptop. Should I be worried? Should I confront him about this?

f you are afraid of the answers, which you will understand possible ones as I go on, then you may not want to ask him. Although I can't promise that keeping the crumbs and dust swept under the rug will mean it never sees the light of day. One day, he may become brave enough to tell you and you may or may not be ready
for the answer. His answers could blow your mind.

If you choose to talk to him, remember this is not a confrontation which to me means accusing a person of doing wrong or needing to be corrected and set straight.

There are several scenerios that may come into play. He could be bi sexual but never acted on it. This would mean he is sexually excited by both men and women. Simply watching porn then is the safest way to take care of that part of himself. It may not be the most fulfilling for him. I will make a suggestion at the end regarding something I feel is even better than watching porn.

A person could be truly gay but due to family or social cues, decided to hide that part of themselves and force themselves to live the straight hetero sexual life.

These days, there is more knowledge shared of what it is to be transgender. This means the gender you are born with is not the gender you identify with. It is mostly people in their thirties and younger who feel there is some basic understanding and knowledge on this, but those of us older, never ever heard of such a thing at the time we were getting married and so a person who is male in body parts but has always felt like a female with female likes and desires learned long ago to hide it. I have met a couple people in my life who were transgender and gay and one gay and polyamourous and those are very complicated situations.

Also, a person's mind is their greatest sexual organ, and what we see and hear and as a result think about can give us the sexual delight we seek. What that thing is that heightens and in part or fully fulfills the sexual part of each of us can vary to some really normal to strange stuff like being tied to a bed as more normal to the pain thing with hot wax poured on you to peeing on your partner and then viewing something you believe is a forbidden practice such as being gay, can easily heighten the sex experience for others.

Let me tell you of something I experienced with my 2nd husband, my soulmate. There were a couple mornings I found my hubby in front of his pc viewing naked pics of women while masturbating. I was not angry, just curious and walked up behind him, greeting him and asking what he was doing. I was not accusing or confronting or a person will clam up if you do so and you'll never find out the truth. He told me that some mornings he wakes with the need for sex but sees I am sound asleep and doesnt wish to wake me. He is being considerate of me. I told him he could wake me and he has but he still will not do so if I got little sleep or am not feeling my best. He told me he was looking for photos of women whose bodies looked just like mine and when I asked to see the photos, he scrollled through and showed me and I had to agree they looked very similar to me. He stated he wished it was easier and he simply had photo of me to use when he didn't want to wake me. Ao I said why not take nude pics of me for this purpose. He was surprised, Really? he asked. So we did some photos. Some I didn't find flattering to me but he loved them and that's what counts. He loves me even more for being willing to offer that and I love him even more for thinking first of my sleep when he is desiring sex with me.

So who knows...you might be able to have an experience where you draw even closer to each other through sharing with each other. My tips, try to be open minded about it. Remember the scenerios that make a person horny are not necessarily something they would want to carry out in real life. Allow him to share and let him know he can tell you anything, just that you were afraid to ask before now but realize this doesnt change him, just may change some things and bring it into the open so it doesn't have to remain hidden and so you both can talk it out. If by some change, he is interested in trying it, often its the curiosity and not a true fact of being bi or gay that drives it. I was once attending a pool party with hubby as our friends plus 1 to this party so I really didn't know the people there. I was sunning by the pool, opened my eyes and saw all the w omen were missing so I asked where they were? ONe husband said his wife was bi and her partner was there. They had decided to have some time in one of the rooms and when all the other women heard about it, they wanted to go watch and the majority of them were bi curious. To this day, I haven't heard from my friend of any of them becoming bi, you either are or aren't and it isnt something you decide to share.

Now as for what I mentioned as a better alternative to watching porn is a venue through which one can experience all the things they want to but never have for special reasons. I am talking of a program on the computer called Second Life. It is a venue that is run with pretty much all the things one could experience in real life.
YOu have to spend a minimal amount of money to play and once in, people earn game money to carry on. You get an avatar and name it, dress it, go to dances, clubs, sing or perform on stage, go swimming, surfing, riding motorcycles, anything you can do in real life. I used to play and my hubby does minimally now. Just for the challenge, besides his male avatar, he created a female one to see how good he might be able to do as a female and through that discovered plenty of seniors who never followed their true path, were bi, gay or transgender but hid it. NOw they can experience what it is like being the other sex or having sex with those they couldn't before. It seems to fulfill that part of a person that has always wondered or mourned for what they just couldn't b ring themselves to do. I can't swim so I trying the swimming and surfing and other water sports where I would have drowned in real life long ago. If in the talks, your husband is really curious to experience but isn't gay or bi, then I would mention Second Life and support his getting into it. I even tried being a male, and I could create a really handsome one with great name and such but when it came to typing in my conversation with women, I just couldn't think of what to say to women. Though my husband is good at it, he most definitely is not gay. I hope this helps you. But I will say, there is a reason for his viewing this porn, and if he says there isn't, he is afraid of your response and that may be in part to how you have responded in other situations over the years, if you get over emotional, instead of remaining calm, and such stuff. Hope this helps you.

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Good day all,

I'm asking this question because I have nowhere else to go.

So here follows the situation:
The day I asked my wife out, she confessed that she had been in a sexual relationship with her previous boyfriend. Although I had been saving sex for the woman I would marry, I assured her that I understood her situation and accepted her past. I was, however, fairly foolish, and never asked to what extent she had this relationship and wrongfully, by judging what person she was, assumed that it was a case that certain things happened that she was not proud of, but all within relative bounds.

About two years after we had been married, and our sex life was taking strain, I finally put one and one together and realized that she had been living with the above mentioned person for 4 years and that they basically had a married relationship. It was quite a shock to me, but I could not hold this against her too much as she had told me what her past was (though without enough detail) from the start.

We managed to remain relatively happy married for 5 years now. Our sex life is worse than ever. Her sex drive is gone and I am begging. I recently attempted improving it by asking what actions during intercourse turned her off. i.e was there certain activities that she disliked because of a previous bad experience. She then dumped a bucket on my head by revealing that she has been avoiding certain things that I've asked her to do, during sex, not because of a bad experience, but because she had done it so many times with her previous partner that she was sick of it.

Now, please understand: up to now we've struggled with our sexual relationship because she is a very shy person and can barely let me touch her body without feeling guilty or irritated. Or atleast that is the perception I have of her. I've been patiently working on getting her to loosen up for years. And she has loosened up a bit,although it later became obvious that sex was an effort for her.

After she revealed this new information I have come to realize that her past is quite different to what she lead me to believe. And I feel like I have walked into a trap. I was willing to love and cherish a woman with or without a high sex drive. But it has become clear that she did have quite a strong sexual nature. Unfortunately not with me.

It is destroying my soul.

I would like to speak from some experience here. Everyone has a past. Hopefully people mature and grow so that they are no longer as they were in the past. That said, unless their behavior hasn't changed, it really is not their past that is the problem or interfering. One must handle problems not with the past but with what is going on currently.

Off subject a bit before I go on, I do know that it is mostly religious groups that decide to not have sex until they marry. I did this too and ended up with a man I was sorely mismatched with sexually. He has a problem of being unable to relate as far as loving others and to this day, tho we're divorced, has lost every girlfriend he's has and also has no idea yet how to show any love and care to his adult children. I have since changed my mind realizing that it is hard to know by just looking at and talking with a person whether they have sexual chemistry or not. In fact I taught my daughters to approach this the same as purchasing a car so to speak. One wants to know whats under the hood or what is inside the person ie their personality and character, and when it comes to how good a match there is sexually, to give the man in question a test drive (sex) as one usually does when they really like a car, you drive it first before you commit to buying it. And this all leads to talking about your problem.

I am no sex therapist but I am open minded, spiritual and unlike the ex who had a low libido or sex drive, I needed a man who had a sex drive that matched mine and that is one thing I've learned I can't determine ahead of time without being sexual. So basically you are in the same boat as I used to be in.

Now to share a bit more of my current situation to shed light on yours. First off, we are the perfect match, being able to be best friends as well as perfect lovers for each other in that we desire each other and have the same high libido or call it sex drive. Like your wife, we both have a past, and I venture you do too even if its a non sexual one, but our past consisted of each of us with previous partners being involved in polyamory swing clubs. However since meeting each other, we have no desire to be with others. My past experiences showed me that the terrible sex with my ex was really mostly with him. Yes, there were others i had no chemistry with but I did experience some things I knew I wanted in a husband. I experienced something I can only explain as a mixing of each others energies, aura's, something unseen, like spiritual. I was simply dancing clothed with a man when I felt like something was squirming, rotating in between our chests. I was surprised but not one to keep silent on situations I was not sure of. So I asked him if he felt anything right then and he told me the exact same things he was feeling. This is that special connection I experienced one more time with another and I was spoiled for life. I would never be okay with basically the kind of sex that pales in comparison due to it
being a routine act of touchings and meeting of sex parts, etc. This was something a step above even having great chemistry.

By your wifes response as to the issue, it would seem she does not feel any special connection to you. I can't say what is going on at your end, but the both of you if you really want to give this relationship a fighting chance, should see a sex therapist. However, even he or she can't help you if the basic ingrediants needed to be the right lovers is missing. It goes beyond the sex act to loving the other person as much as yourself. I'll put it clearly so you cna't miss the point I am trying to make. You can make the opposite ends of two magnets meet. You can force it but won't get anywhere with one slipping one direction and the other going the opposite way. I used to play with magnets as a kid trying year after year to find a way to make the opposite ends meet. Its impossible. People don't tend to always think of sex as something more than indulging in a visual attraction, taking care of ones horniness, if any person or vessel will do, and seldom see it as a way to give your partner the most loving gift you possibly can.

So the problem is either something fixable or it isn't and the two of you are simply mismatched and don't truly belong together. If so and neither wants to give up this relationship, then seeing a sex therapist is your only chance of improving things. I will say here at the end that our mind are our greatest sexual tool. If we can really focus on what makes us feel loved then we will want to express that love back to our partner. SO this starts back at the friendship part. I do feel cherished because of how my new husband treats me. We are together 10 years and although there have been times when the sex is just routine in how it feels to each of us, we still focus on giving as much energy and love to our partner in the act and that makes it woth while, even if one of us personally didn't feel mucy. Most the time though, we feel some kind of energy swirlingk not only between us, but each of us have at times felt like our parts were there, meeting when in fact they weren't. I have cuddled at night to his back and not been a ble to stay there and pull away because energy flowing from his back entering into me was so strong it was keeping me awake. I know this is all not what most people have but anything close to it would be heavenly and I wish was the norm for all people but it isn't. Most people marry a best friend only or lover only when to make it work, both are needed. So something is missing. I am not the therapist though so both of you talk, in depth don't take a word or two or a phrase as an answer. Dig deep and learn all you can about each other and agree to see a professional for help. It is nothing to be embarrassed a bout as the majority of people out there could use either a therapist or at least some studying on how to communicate better with people and partners. That is why my answer is so long, I can' t conbey all you needed to hear in just one or two sentences.

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Hi. Im 22y/o and is rlly new to makeup, but I rlly want to do so. I just dnt know where to start and what products to use. Any advice?

All I can suggest is watching you tube videos on how to apply. I'll bet there are videos also that mention product lines. I no longer wear makeup so I couldn't help anymore than this

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Back in August, I wrote an advice post saying that I had a crush on my second cousin (my mother’s Cousin)- and I felt really guilty about it- that crush is still there and I still feel guilty about it.

Firstly, I didn’t make my age clear on that post- I’m 16- so you were absolutely correct, Dragonflymagic, to base your advice on what you’d tell a high school student.

Most of what I said in that post still stands- I’m still a little bit put off by the age gap (despite the fact that I’m not planning to act on these feelings and also despite the fact that I don’t know the exact age difference)- I still think she’s really nice, pretty and her accent is still really nice to listen to.

Now, these feelings were forgotten about for a few months- however my uncle recently married his long-time girlfriend and his cousin (the one I have the crush on) was there as a guest- my parents were even seated at the same table as the cousin in question (unsure if the correct terminology is my second cousin or first cousin once removed, but am going to say second cousin).

Now I’m sure this is just a coincidence that me and my family (parents and siblings) were seated at the same table, though I think it’s a very odd one.

I think I managed to hide those feelings pretty well but am worried that my parents will find out and tell the cousin in question.

As I mentioned back in Aug, this is one of mom’s closest cousins, they’re always texting each other- so I’m worried that if I tell her about this situation, she’ll bring it up in conversation (my mom’s a bit of a blabbermouth at times). My dad on the other hand probably won’t take the situation seriously.

How do I handle this situation? I’d like to speak to someone about it but my family can be very big gossips and I don’t trust any friends enough to keep it quiet.

Also, slightly random, how do I manage to find out the exact age gap? Because that could either make me feel better about these feelings (if she’s younger than I expected) or guiltier (if older).

Please reply back as soon as possible.






It's me again and sorry to hear you're still having a tough time over this.

Since you are feeling guilty about having these feelings and thinking that age gap is the most horrible thing here, I must tell you something that will hopefully get rid of these feelings.
You've already said you do not plan to act on your feelings and that is good, even if the female in question was real close to your age. Telling someone you have deep feelings for them when they don't feel the chemistry in return is Very Awkward. Imagine yourself being approached by a female classmate whom you get along okay with in class but you have absolutely no personal interest in her. Then one day she tells you she has strong feelings for you, possibly love and how does that make you feel. You just received news you didn't expect to hear and what are you supposed to do with that knowledge. The person telling you is hoping you've had a crush on them for eons and will admit at that same point your feelings and you both start dating and marry later. Nope...that is just wishful fairy tales

In reality you will now feel awkward knowing her feelings every time you have to interact in class, afraid something you say or do is going to give her false hope and that is a great possibility with the second cousin, that the feelings are just one sides, yours. I know you probably figured this already but this thing about only one person feeling chemistry for someone is way more common than people think.

Now the part that may help you feel more normal. There are males attracted to older women and this is something they already know from puberty on and sometimes a little before. My second husband is such a man. When he turned 18, he was working as a busboy in high end restaurants and many of the older women hit on him. At a time when younger women haven't figured out what they want yet and gained the self confidence to go after what they want, it is a relief on the man not having to do the asking out or propositioning. So lets see here, I gave his age and at this point he got lots of the 30 something divorcees who knew they didn't want to remarry right now or ever and just wanting the companionship and sex life. After I left my first husband, one of the first guys to hit on me was the age of my kids in mid to late twenties so I didn't take him seriously but later realized he truly wanted to date. I told him he was a nice person and from hanging out just as friends, I could tell there was too much of an age gap mentally for me. Told him I would be open to a friends with benefits for a while but once I found the man I wanted to marry for rest of my life, I would be looking for closer to my age.
Here's examples of the mental differences: He bought something that was important to people my kids age but not to me. I never commented that he bought it, never even noticed it and he was hurt by that, even when I wasn't trying to hurt hi;m. I did compromise and try to learn somethings from him but he didn't know the bands and singers of my time or the past history all of us have, the process of things when we were younger, the types of shows I had watched which he didn't recognize any of, landmarks no longer around, presidents who was in office for me but not him as he hadn't been born yet. There's way more but you may think, thats small stuff and shouldn't make a difference. I understand and there may be the odd person for whom it doesn't matter. But for the type of bond I was going for, it was not working. It is this very bond of having things and interests and even history in common where we can launch from to build a friendship. If one is lucky enough and two people both feel more than friendship for each then those two date, get romantic and possibly marry.

I just want you to know that it is normal to be attracted to a person or in general, person older than you. On the other side, females your age may look at older men and though they would be horrified to be dating one, they are still drawn to watch, spy on, admire older men. What I tell them which I suppose works as well for young men as well (in case you are not another female)
is that young people who have not been in any serious relationship yet, want to be in the best relationship with the nicest person and treated really well and loved. What I tell them, is that something as complicated as finding two lives that fit together til death do them part, is not an instant thing. It takes time to prepare and learn how to choose the right person and not simply go with someone because you were waiting for someones interest and they were the first to show it. I tell females to keep a iis of things they see that they like, admire, are drawn to in these older men. Looks might be it, well able to care for his family may be another but mostly it will be things like how he treats all females, if he has a sense of humor, whether he is a silent quiet type or a great conversationalist, an introvert or extrovert and many personality and character points. So start doing the sleuth work now asking yourself feel you are drawn to this cousin. Is she a friendly bubbly person who is always quick to laugh about something? If so, maybe you are drawn to that quality and it signifies that when older and ready to search for a marriage partner, this should be one of the qualities you look for. What you might do as you decide what the ingredients are exactly that have you developing feelings for her.

And when ever you see her, inwardly smile and tell yourself, there's one of the people with qualities I want to find in the person I will someday date and marry. If you can silently say this in your mind, your subconscious mind will hear it and eventually switch around its way of thinking about her. I might as well launch into talking about how the sub conscious mind and our feelings and emotions are linked. I didn't learn this until well into adult hood and wish I'd known it earlier. Think of watching a movie where you get angry at a character or a situation that makes you cry. Your conscious mind knows those are just actors and a made up story but your feelings are going as if this was a real life situation that was happening to you or someone you know. So basically, what our eyes see, and what our ears hear, will trap the attention of our subconscious. So if your thoughts are wishful thinking that perhaps someday when you are old enough, you and this cousin could fall in love, well...if you think certain thoughts like this and keep dwelling on them, the message it sends to your subconscious mind is that this must be very important to you to be capturing your attention like this and unknown to you, our subconscious's dont see good or bad, black or white so it can't tel'l if something shouldn't be part of your thoughts and the subcon. mind will do everything in its power to help you get what it beleves you want and won;t give up until you tell it that you no longer want to think of her that way. This gets dangerous if what you think about most is something you fear happening. Guess what part of you is going to work hard to make that fear come true because it doesn't see fear as something bad, only something you must want badly because you think of it so often. SO if your fear is the first scratch or dent on your brand new car, it can't make other people choose to do that but it can get you to make some bad judgements like parking next to an extra wide vehicle or a car parked too close to the line and too close to the spot you chose, or parking in a badly lit or unlit area known to be seedy. This makes it easier now for some punk to key your car in a dark parking lot or someones car door giving you a ding. So a lot of this is still happening because of how you are thinking and you haven't given your mind any new commands. Talk to yourself, which is actuall6 talking to your subconscious mind and can be done silently in your head or out loud when alone. You simply tell it, "I realize there are actually aspects I like very much about my cousin. It doesn't mean I can ever be in a relationship with her. But I want you on the lookout for any girls with those qualities.

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I went to the emergency room after the accident and they did a cat scan and said everything was ok. I got prescribed some muscle relaxer and ibuprofen. I take it but my head still hurts. I also can't miss too many days from my job

The advice already given is good, to see the Drs again. Something is off. Our bodies are more delicate than we think. The only thing I can think of that Drs and hospitals do nothing for is if the accident casued some vertebra of your spine to become dislodged.
I know from experience, not a car accident, but just older age that in some cases, if you see Drs and they find nothing wrong, then it is worth it to try a Chiropracter. I recently had one vertebra in my neck get so far out of place it placed stress on all the nerves and I had numbing and tingles in both arms. It got so bad it never went away and the pain increased until I asked the husband to take me to emergency. I also saw my dcotor and one at a walk in clinic and all people wanted to do was give me addictive pain meds and have me see a therapist to show me exercises that would help the problem go away. I had gone to chiroprators about 20 yrs ago so I knew it was more than therapeudic exercise could help. After seeing a DO dr of osteopathy, and their not trying to seriously check out what was causing the pain, I went to a chiropractor having to pay out of pocket because insurance didn't cover it, I had relief on my first visit. So see the Dr.s but if they can't help, do go and see a chiropractor.

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My wife was a whore when I married her. The way she let me know was by reading her diary and of stories of going out with one to four guys at a time. In the diary she told about being fingered on the school bus on the way home from school and that every boy on the bus took turns fingering her. She also said in the diary that she would go out with her girlfriend and her boy friend and they would go parking and they would fuck and she would get so honey from listing to them. She said that one night they were all out together and that her girlfriend passed out from having sex and her boyfriend put his hand on her knee and she didn't stop him, he ran his hand up her skirt and stated finger her, then he crawled over the back seat and took her panties off and fucked her. Her girlfriend woke up and caught them fucking. From then on her girlfriend would let her boyfriend fuck her every time they all went out together. We are friends with this couple and they come over sometimes. I told my wife that I think Sherman want's to get in her panties again, my wife said that would be okay and that she would like for me to watch them fuck.After we got married, my wife came home from work and she wanted to go to bed,after we got in bed I noticed how wet she was and she told me she wanted to fuck all the guys at her work and that she was noting but a whore. She said that she came back from lunch and the guys were playing cards and she ask them what they were playing and they told her strip poker and ask her if she wanted to play, she told them that she didn't know how to play and besides if she lost they would not have time to do anything else. I told her that there was noting wrong with sex and that there was noting wrong with having sex. I told my wife if she had sex with them to let me know about it, I'm sure she would let me know. I took some nude pictures of her and had them with me at a beer joint one time and showed them to this guy. When I got home that evening and told my wife about it when we went to bed, and that the guy said he would give $50.00 for some of that. My wife said she wouldn't mind making $50.00 dollars. We got to talking about having some pictures of us having sex. We talked about who we would get to take the pictures and we knew this couple who were married and I said why don't we get Sharron to do it and my wife said hell no, get Bill to do it. I said well Bill would probably want to fuck her, my wife said that would be okay with her. Should I let my wife follow though with what she wants to do and if I don't she will probably cheat behind my back. I guess by going along with her I could learn to enjoy it.

Your wife may be a phomaniac and require help from a licensed professional. I actually wonder why she wanted to marry if she has such a great desire to be with so many men. The issue is not whether you should let her go along with her own plans but whether you want a woman for wife who has an addiction to sex as it doesn't seem to matter who as long as theres a ready and willing penis. So decide what you want first. If you don't really care for her deeply, then let her do as she wants but you will likely have to fear getting an STD. Theres such a thing as open marriages but the people are not addicted to sex and only have one or two more partners and usually take the plans to be safe.

If this is your idea of a normal relationship, theere is nothing I can say, and what I think doesnt matter anyways.

If you believe something is wrong with the wife also, have a talk with her about addictions and look it up online, Yes there is such a thing as sexual addiction. However, one can not force another adult to make the right choices so if she doesn't want to change and you do not see being able to enjoy everything staying exactly as it is with her for the next 5 years, next decade, couple deciades or to the day of your deaths, then you may have to end the relationship.

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I am looking for best web development and design company in Pune want to grow my business.

I didn't even know what Pune was and had to look it up. I see now that it is a city in the country of India.
You have a valid question and it is a smart move to look for the best and most reliable to grow your company. However the chances of there being an advicegiver on this site who live in India and in your area, able to give you some advice on this is very very slim to none. I know we have advicegivers probably around the world but the majority i see are in the U.S.

Since this is very important, I don't want you to end up with no leads from this site. May I suggest you talk to other similar business owners or anyone with their own company and keeping asking around until you find someone who used a web design company in your area. Word of mouth does bring in lots of business for any company even a company who does work to support the growth of other companies. So if I were in your place, thats what I would do. Start browsing the wsb for any kind of company in your area, and the sites you are most impressed with, ask to speak to the owner or person in charge of their advertising. Good luck!

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Hi
Thanks for answering my question
I do have periods of sadness but not for 2 weeks and I haven’t felt happy for over 5 days in a long time but thank you for bringing bipolar disorder to my attention. I have been feeling like this for about 2 months or so I would say.
I do have times of happiness but I just can’t seem to get it to stay.
I seem to observe that I am less irritable and cry etc a LOT less when school is out but I still am not happy . I jest feel like I need to fake all of the time.
I am thinking of telling my parents soon bit just don’t know how or when

Don't wait to tell. If you are wrong and theres nothing big wrong, then you all can forget it and put it behind you. But if there is something that needs a Dr.s help to first diagnose the problem and then treat it, its best to let parents know sooner than later. YOu would think that with how you are feeling inside that it would show in some way on the outside but my oldest kid had depression in HS and I didn't know, couldn't tell and I talked with each child regularly to see how they are doing, if stressed or friend problems and so on and she kept it secret. I didn't find out until she had her first child and post partum depression set in on top of her regular depression and the strength of her feelings of ending her life or that of the baby really scared her and thats when she told me.

I was lucky in that some parents never hear until they get a call from police or they find their child dead from suicide due to depression. I don't think anyone really wants to commit suicide. They just get to a point where they want to get rid of depression so badly they will do anything including ending their life. LUckily there is help that works. But first, find a Dr. who is trained in CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. These Dr.s don't automatically prescribe meds without trying non medication methods first which works for the majority of people who suffer. Good luck!

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Hi thanks for answering my question, if you could it would be great if you could answer another. Just to clarify, I am 14 and have a family of 5. I am the middle child.
Here is the thing I don’t know if I have depression but for a while now I have been feeling tired, moody, constantly upset and I feel like I have to fake so that everyone thinks I am ok, I also have lost my happiness in life / reasons to continue. I get annoyed very easily , but I don’t want to say I think I might be depressed if I don’t. I have looked up many symptoms and have taken many online tests ( i know they aren’t all accurate but I thought I might as well) and they have said I have depression. My uncle suffers from depression and my parents always talk about it and say things that make me wonder if I said all this that it might ruin their lives or make them feel responsible ( nothing bad has ever been said but I get the feeling). You made me feel good last time you answered so I was just wondering what your thoughts would be on my situation and what I should do.
I would also like to state that there was an incident with a friend over 4 months ago that made me feel horrible about myself and started these thoughts and has led me to where I am right now

For many, if there is anything in the family background, stuff that might be passed on through genetics, it often happens when the body is undergoing great changes such as puberty.
What needs to be determined is whether you have clinical depression or not. Clinical depression is a condition where your brain is unable to create the feel good hormones that help you deal with the stresses of life without falling apart mentally. The good news is that only a small minority of those diagnosed with depression have clinical depression.

The other kind is situational depression. It can take a little while but usually crops up right away due to some kind of great stress. Remember that what is stressful to one person is not stressful to another. ONe thing that causes this kind of depression is polluted thinking, distorted thoughts or what some psychologists call stinking thinking. It is such negative thinking that ones emotions will follow and soon they are depressed.

Now a bit of history on the word depressed. Depressed is another word to describe something being too low as the water level in the well is depressed. So what i n a human is too low? Its the feel good hormones like Dopamine Seratonin, Oxytocin and more. The amazing thing is that there are things one can do to raise your feel good hormones, fill up the tank so to speak and they are very simple.

I found the following on line. However an adult daughter of mine who became depressed after her first boyfriend dumped her, chose to go for a free visit to a psychologist through her work insurance. Since only one visit was covered, the Dr. gave my daughter the same list of things I've been using which I found on line long ago. She didn't believe me until the Dr said that since she was not depressed before and only since the break up that hers was situational depression and she could get over it by following and doing the things on the list.I will say right now that lots of the things on the list don't sound like stuff that can help get rid of depression but if situational, then yes, they can. If using these daily doesn't help after a few weeks, then you may have the other depression which will need a Dr. to confirm it and put you on man made drugs that similate the hormones that your brain is unable to create on its own. This doesn't mean you are broken, you just need a little help to be able to handle stress better. Here is that list and if you have questions, just ask. But since most of the effects are instant, if you do this kind of stuff every day, at least some one day, some another, and don't see results in a week, then something is wrong. You can try more for another week but if after all that, the depression hasn't gone away, you will need to tell the parents that you want to see the Dr. since you are depressed. If you do nothing about it, I can't say the following will happen but I know too many people who had depression and did nothing about it, and these friends and one family member moved from depression on to mental illness. I personally do not see depression as a mental illness as all people do negative distorted thinking at some point or another but the smart oness catch themselves doing it and stop and laugh and tell themselves it will not happen to them, what ever it is they fear, in your case, it might be a fear of getting it because your Uncle has it. If not clinical depression, you can't get it like catching a cold, or being in the same family. Those who dwell too long on negative, disturbing thoughts, will use up their feel good hormones so its a two step process, first of getting rid of situational depression and second, learning how to re do your way of thinking and stop yourself each time you start thinking distorted thoughts. I will post that list in a miunute but heres something to show you how easy it is for a normal human without the problem to encounter distorted thoughts. My youngest daughter just moved far away for her husband to go to school. She recently discovered she was pregnant with her second child and was sure she sent the message via computer or phone calls to everyone. but I being her mother was one who never heard. I thought my younger sister was pulling my leg and teasing, making it up when she told me. Since she gets info wrong quite often, I told her I didn't believe her because this was my daughter we're talking about and surely if she was expecting, I would be the first to know. I even asked two questions by text and daughter answered one but not the one about being pregnant. It took several more times of trying to get an answer from her before I found out it was true. Now how do you think a people feels if they were overlooked? As usual crap that instantly fills ones mind. (They are mad at me, she hates me now for some reason because why would a daughter forget to tell her own mother, I am not important to her anymore now that she is married and a mom herself, etc) Yes, stuff like this filled my mind. But I did not chose to keep thinking about it. I talked to my own mind or inner self and said stuff like, she has only recently moved and is actually still settling in and getting used to a new place and town and so in all the big changes going on for her mind to keep track of, she most likely forgot who she already told or not. I later found out I wasn't the only family member who didn't hear from her. She has since apologized and I am not depressed. If I had dwelt on the situation and tried to imagine all sorts of plausible terrible reasons it could have happened, then the negative emotions would also have followed those thoughts.

Now heres the list:

Rebuilding Your Feel Good Hormone Supply




1. Music: Listening to it or singing. For singing, it is advised you sing a song quieter at first and build up to singing as if you were on stage. If you can't bring yourself to sing being too depressed, then at least try singing Amazing Grace over and over til you feel better. Many have said that this one song helps them As for listening, this is one of my favorites, I will collect songs that make me feel good when I listen to them. It is not the lyrics that matter here but the melody. The feeling I get is as if my heart is as light as a helium balloon and is floating upwards in my chest. I have these songs on my computer or you can put on your iphone. I will put a song on repeat and listen to it several times in a row and when done, I already feel better. Its amazing how quick this works. For an example for you, the very best and favorite song that does this for me is Clocks by Coldplay. There is something about that melody. I recently found something else on Youtube that I have to listen to over and over as it does the same for me, the song is Lone Croft Farewell by Railroad Earth.The melody that works for one person will not necessarily work for another, so keep searching until you find a few that help.
2. Movement: Dancing is a good one, it can be whatever you like, interpretive dance to the music, just dance as if no one is watching. Other types of movement that help are any kind of exercise, hard work can give you the same feelings, so jogging, gym workouts but my favorite is skipping and I am no young kid but grandma age. So I feel silly if I am skipping but it makes me automatically start laughing. Even joining a yoga class may help.
3. Laughter: So this brings us to laughter. The body will create more of the feel good hormones as you laugh. Not one quick laugh but on going, lots of it. Now everyone has a different sense of humor. Get familiar with yours and watvh comedies that cater to your sense of humor and laugh away to wellness.
4. Hugs: Yes, hugs can make a person feel better. I don't understand how this works or why, but thank God it does. This is one of the easiest to do. There are many studies being done on just this one thing. There are plenty of videos on youtube about Hug therapy. The catch is, it can't be a quick barely touching a person hug. That will not help at all. If you don't believe me, try it out. I heard somewhere that around a dozen hugs a day are what is needed to avoid feeling glum or depressed. But who recieves that many a day? I don't, however I do the best I can and when I greet friends or are leaving, I give them a nice big bear hug, as long as you can. You can't give a hug without getting one in return. About this kind of hug, to be therapeutic for you, wrap your arms around them and start the hug. Most people let go too quickly, right about when they start to feel the other persons energy, or vibes, or just encounter uncomfortable feelings. This is not the time to stop the hug! Carry it through a bit longer and you will feel the effect. This is another of my favorites and works as well as listening to songs.
5. Meditation and Prayer: This has also been mentioned to help. If depressed, who is really going to want to do any of the things on this list, however Meditation or prayer, will be hardest of all these things as you have to quiet your mind. That is hard for me to do, even though I am a very spiritual person. It certainly has not helped me when I am too upset to concentrate. But you are very welcome to do it if it really helps you. Start off with 10 deep cleansing breaths. Watch some videos or get a book on meditation if that seems to help you.

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Hello, I used to enjoy music a lot (not every genre).But lately I am unable to enjoy music and is devoid of the feelings and emotions I once had while enjoying songs. Now, I can't even listen to music that I used to enjoy much.I even tried to listen yo music of different genres and it too didn't help. This issue has been going on for over a month, and I tried to solve it by not listening to songs for over a period, yet NP result. Its really bad experience to live without songs. Please help me

If it only music that concerns you or have you stopped having feelings and the want to do other things, even routine things? If it is a lack of desire to eat, hang with friends, read, study, etc...then you may be depressed. Think back to if there was any major change in your life that could have changed things for you.

If it is only music where you have no feelings from it, then perhaps it is more about a change of life time which can be stressful such as the change from childhood into puberty or the change from a single person to a married person or the change of an adult life to that of a senior citizen. If you find you still have feelings with other arts, acting, dance, painting and other artistic venues, then perhaps you have tired of music for a while. ho problem. Someday when you are ready, the feelings will come back.

However, if you lack feelings or concerns about other things as well, then it may be an indicator that you are stressed or depressed. If it gets worse, you will need to tell others who are in a position to help you.... framily, school counselors if younger or if older, just call your Dr and have them refer you for counseling.

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my employer handed out ramen noodles to the entire company and said have a souper day....uh why??

If you want to know that bad, just ask. I know its after the fact but many people take time to mull over something and realize they can't figure it out on their own, especially if they are not mind readers and it has something to do with another persons mind/thinking.

If you don't want to ask, just have fun writing down in a journal all the possible reasons you can think of. Heres a couple of mine:

The boss is entering a mid life crisis and wants to change their persona and has always had a secret hankering to be a comedian and decided to do a play on words for his/her debut, using super vs souper while handing out noodle soup.

The boss may have overheard employees talking among themselves about how hard nosed, unfeeling and cold they are as a boss and thought to do this to prove it's not true.
If we think hard enough we can come up with plenty more possible reasons but theres no guarantee that any would be correct.

If I had it happen to me, I would be curious as to what prompted them to do something like this especially if its out of character for the boss. I would say, hey I was just remembering the day you gave each employee and free c up of noodles and realized no one knows why you felt prompted to do that. I am curious as to what your thoughts were.

If they have no good reason, then ignore it and dismiss from your mind as just a one time weird thing the boss did and probably won't do again.

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a guy that i have a lot in common with likes me and i like him too. the thing is, my friend used to have a little crush on him. she never really fell for him because once she saw him around more she thought he was annoying. now she likes someone else and has no feelings left for the first guy. but you see over time i’ve started to like him more and it’s getting harder to ignore. i do know for sure that he likes me back. we walk in the halls during school and he’s very sweet to me. i just know he’s a very good guy and i have no doubt about that. everything about him is what i’ve been looking for, from his kind and funny personality, to his looks and charming attitude. what i don’t know is how to tell my friend that i like him and what she would think about that. and if she says i can’t like him, what do i do about that. so what i’m asking is should i go for it since the feelings are there or should i not even think about it because of my friend?

and for reference we are all in highschool, same age

You must be thinking of the unspoken but expected Girlfriend Codes. I looked up on line to see what was listed as these expectations and found the following link:

https://madamenoire.com/99627/the-girlfriend-codes-rules-to-never-break-with-your-girlfriends/

I am using this as a way to start from, so we're on the same page. Some of these codes are human made, not something found in laws prohibiting, or info on what is common sense, morally right.

So starting at the beginning: Code #1: Never cancel important plans with your girls for a man

Sounds good but what is considered important plans. All of this is grey area that can be influenced by personal experience. My opinion is that if its a Birthday party or some kind of anniversary or such, and can't be rescheduled easily, you go to that girlfriends celebration and eplain to your guy why you are going there instead of choosing to be with him. If he's a great guy, he'll understand and probably actually like you even more for your morals and ethics. If just a scheduled get to together but no special importance, you can skip and cancel with girlfriends and if they ask why, you tell the truth. If its not a female only get together, then ask if you can bring your beau as your plus one.
At some point, the idea is to find and stay with your chosen mate for life and sorry but your mate comes above even friends who run third in importance next to family other than spouse who run second place in importance. So if your Mom was in Hospital and you wanted to visit her, but had a previous scheduled event with your friends, do you really think they would be hurt by you choosing to be with your Mom? No, of course not. However for some little understood reason, probably a belief that came into existence before ones mid twenties when the frontal lobe of bra,in is finally done growing to mature , choosing to go out once with a guy instead over friends is frowned upon and seen as frivolous compared to Mom in hosp. scenario. Is it really frivilous...well I see things differently. Dating can be simply a socialj thing with no intent to search for life mate. However dating is the only good way to find out if you like your potential mate beyond just the initial things, like who he is deep inside and the more time spent in each others company and talking is the best way to find out. So I see dating as important as keeping a previously scheduled event with friends. If the boyfriend asked first and the girlfriends a couple hours later, you go with the one you agreed to already, the guy.

Code two Serious conversations between you and your girls should remain confidential…even to your man This is not a girlfriend code but applies to all people in your life. It is a way of wisely and correctly treating all people in your life and so things told in confidence are not shared with just friends but anyone, even your siblings, parents, etc.

The next one is where you're hung up on ...

Code #3: Your Girlfriends’ Ex Can’t Be Your Next

Dating a close friend’s ex is deemed unacceptable by females in most cases.

Notice it says close friend. This would then not apply to acquaintances. Notice also that it says friends ex, and ex means that they were in a relationship together. This has nothing to do with a guy that a friend had a crush on or whether she currently has a boyfriend or not. You stated your gf merely had a crush on him and there was nothing
else, no romantic interest from him regarding her.

This is for if you choose to follow such a rule which I find ridiculous and when I share why, I hope you agree that this code should be abolished, gotten rid of in womens minds. Heres why:

You by now should have seen plenty cases of friends or yourself where the interest goes only one way. The girl is interested in the guy romantically but he is not to her...or he is interested in her romantically but she feels nothing for him or in some cases feels revulsion.
It may not seem fair but what is behind this situation of one person feeling it and the other not, is something called chemistry. I also like to refer to it as the pheromone factor, something one can't catch an odor of but an odor we pick up on anyways that attract us to a potential mate, date. There are two things that make a solid foundation for any couples romantic relationship and one is being each others best friend. A romantic mate has only one thing different than a friend, and that is the attraction physically, the desire and romance and yes, sex. So a guy or gal can love the other as a friend and have no sexual feelings and that is normal. Its also normal to start as friends but quickly develop romantic feelings for each other where both willingly want to be romantic and sexual together. It is also normal if your friend felt attracted to him but did nothing about it or tried and he didn't respond, in which case, there never was anything if she didn't make the step to find out how he felt. If she tried leaving clues and he did not respond, he likely had no romantic feelings. Believe me, if a guy feels something like that for a gal, he'll do everything in his power to be around her all the time, even as just a friend waiting and hoping for her to show romantic interest in him as well. A guy who is really into a gal, even if not dating her currently, is not going to show interest in one of her friends unless the guy is a douchebag who is only into lust and whose panties he can get into next and for that, he doesn't need to have feelings of love, just lust. I've never heard gals say they are afraid of dating a friends ex because he wants to add her to his little black book or red sometimes, the book where he lists all hisj willing sexual contacts.

If chemistry is the reason why a relationship didn't happen between two people, it will never change, thats the bad thing about chemistry...you are stuck with what you were born with chemistry wise. You can't do anything to change it. That is why whether well to do or a guy who looked like a male model, non of those worked out for me because we lacked the chemistry and the guys recognized that as well. So its not a matter of how hot looking, or all his wonderful attributes and characteristics in the end, its having chemistry together and that can also vary from having a little to moderate chemistry but not perfect or having total chemistry which I must state is the goal if I compare the differences of what it is like to be with someone where there is only a partial chemistry. It was okay but not rewarding in the long run. So in your case, it would seem chemistry went one way between your gf and this guy, so it would nover have worked. However you have felt his attraction for you as well as knowing you have it for him. So you do not owe her any explanation or need to get her okay in any way shape or form because of the chemistry thing.

Imagine if a couple not right for each other split up but the girls gf is actually a perfect match for the guy and it isn't about him having character flawa but that there just wasn't chemistry so they couldn't be best friends as well as lovers. So you avoid the guy because your friend dated him and end up losing out on being with the perfect mate for you for the rest of your life. This just does not make any sense. The code doesn't make sense if scientifically looked at but women make up these codes because females tend to be 'territorial' and thats the only reason there are rules females created rather than learn how to work things like this out.
and this again is common sense and how to relate to all people in general. You put yourself in their shoes and know they w ouldn't appreciate being told they were wrong when they already know that from experience. This is not a girl code but a life code, how to handle yourself in life.

Code #5: If You Come Together, You Leave Together

This again is not a girl code. This is a safety code. And as in the example, its not just what might happen if a girlfriend were left alone at a party or club but you going off with a perfect stranger you hit it off with at a party. When dating after a divorce, I made sure the first time I met a guy was at a public place like a coffee house and I came and went in my own vehicle, never getting into his. Plenty of serial killers were handsome seeming nice guys at the start. even the first few dates, I met a guy using my own car to get there and him, his.

Code #6: Be the Type Of Friend That You Want

I've not heard females spouting off this one but again, I would say this isn't about being just a good girl friend but how to conduct yourself throughout life...especially how you treat your mate, bf and your friends, male and female. Since a bf or mate should be best friend material, this applies also to how you treat the guy, not just girlfriends. The only caution I have which happens all the time is a gal finding zero time for her previous friends when the right guy comes along.

Also, the perfect phrase to find out if a guy is interested and just waiting for a signal to approach you is to say, "We've been doing great as just friends. It makes me wonder how well we'd do as more than friends. What do you think? Its important to add that small question at the end or all you've done is make a statement. Since the best couple relationships start as friends, this is a way to find out if he feels that thing (chemistry. pheromones, romance) with you or not. By saying you wonder how well you'd do romantically shows you are open to the idea. Then asking what he thinks gives him a chance to quickly say it wouldn't work if he feels no romantic chemistry, only the friend chemistry. If he does feel chemistry and likes you alot but has been holding back on saying so, due to unsure how you feel or because he's shy or afraid of rejection, he will jump at the chance to supposedly 'check out how well you'd do as more than friends.

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Hi thanks a lot for the advice... I read it entirely and I agree with what you said and I actually did have list in my head at least but it was not so detailed.The thing is I dont want to be the person with such a rigid list where no one seems to reach nor do I want to be the person that accepts any and everybody.Thus I just have a few things that i cannot compromise and well physically ...if I am attracted to you I am... The reason I allowed myself to get this far with this guy is because I really want a bilingual family since I am obsessed with languages, also he is quite the romantic type ...with him everything seemed to be everything I could have hoped for but as you rightfully said the thing I hate about him would eventually get to me to the point where I dont feel the way I do about him now. I just feel so confused you know ...Part of me wants to just forget about him and everything else but the other part of me is like this what you want for the most maybe with time he will grow up and what if he gets someone who does not plead with to better his lifestyle and well he reap what he sows then I would have given up an opportunity to be his helping hand. I have been a case like this and I was able to help the person , we didnt work out in the end but we are still friends and the situation was similar...

I will start at the end and my responses are from similar experiences in life. You said, I would have given up an opportunity to be his helping hand.

That is an admirable trait but I had to learn the hard way that it isn't the lack of someone to encourage and hold your hand that makes a person with issues willing to change for the better including seeing professionals for help if that be the case. I know because I spent 30 years with an ex husband who did not change for the better and late in marriage a retired counselor friend talked him into seeing a psychiatrist. He went only long enough to try to fool me because I was going along interviewing the Drs as well to find the best one for us. At the point he was supposed to go see the Dr. by himself, he faked it and I heard him say over phone that he was only pretending to be seeing the Dr in order to keep me.

What I am saying is that in the world, there are plenty of reasons to see good behavior in others and want to better oneself, it does not take having a gf/bf or a husband/wife because the decision comes from within us, not outside of us. Outside one self, a person sees plenty of good but also rotten nasty people. We have the ability to see the good stuff and ignore it or already be wanting to improve and so when we see things we want to strive to be like also, we make that decision to change. So the first friend has a mind already set on wanting help and wanting change.

I was married only months before the behavior he was hiding from me and my family came out and he was like that the rest of marriage. At first I thought like you that in time he would grow up and mature. Yes some people do but those are the ones who use other people as models they want to shape themselves over and then make the steps right then to start getting help to get better.

Its hard to know who might change in time and who would not or even why one would chose not to change for the better. But then change of any kind has always been scary to mankind and why so many of us get held back in life by our fears, myself imcluded. Generally most of people who already have the disposition in their teens to learn to do things the right way, not just guess, to improve who they are as people and sincerely apologixe to any they hurt along the way.
I did ask my husbands mental health Dr. at the beginning what hope I could have for how soon my husband might get better, as he was verbally abusive with me. The Dr honestly said it is hard to know with a patient. Some people really want to apply themselves and improve somewhat and in a handful of years could be improved or cured, while others can see a Dr their whole life time and if it is only their willpower holding them back, they go their entire life not improving at all. So worst case scenerio, is there hope for your marriage or not. It was my last hope try to see if anything would improve and with such odds unpredictible and the ex pulling out of the Dr. appts. I knew with the exs mindset and no intervention of a Dr, that there was no longer any chance of improvement.

As for the list and worry of it being rigid, there are two lists, one you have of must haves, which is not present in the guy, makes it a deal breaker and not get ting together with him. The other is not so rigid and is preferences, likes but if you didn't get them, you could live without it. I wanted long hair in a guy and I got that, I had a man who likes to dance, on this second list and he does not dance. But I married him. THe stuff I am talking about are things that there is no halfway or compromise point on such as wanting children but the man doesn't.. That will tear up a marriage in time. Difference in beliefs or religion is another for some. If both would say they believe in God but have never ever wanted to be active pursuers of a church life, then it could work but if both believe so differently that it requires one or the other to actually change some things about themselves to fit in and renounce their earlier beliefs, that is not right....that's the same as my going to church in my earlier days and mindlessly okaying and stating anything I heard in church that was not written in Bible. I never thought to think for myself or question why they believed a certain way and what proof was there to back up their beliefs. i should have, but I didn't until I got into my late thirties.
It is more than just. You can't end up ony halfway pregnant or have a compromise of half a child if no wants and the other doesn't.

I also wanted a man who always spoke the truth to me. No lies. And the only thing he's done that is inherit in the male species is to with hold info that was thought would hurt me, scare me, freak me out. Not just the husband but a past bf and a male friend, they will withhold and not out, of hiding something if they t ell the truth but basically that's why I only wanted just someone who told the truth and if withholding would give the truth if I asked. If I didn't ask, they'd not tell something that might make me worry about them. I am allergic to cigarette smoke and know too many friends who quit and months or years later were smoking again. so I put no smokers on my list which pissed off some guys who wrote me nasty notes about it. I believe its not about being too picky but looking out for my own health. I didn't want to date a smoker who decided he fell in love and would try to quit to make me happy. What happens when he sneaks cigarettes and I find out or starts again blatantly smoking in front of me and telling me if I d Fon't like it to open the windows or doors. Feeling sick and having a spouse who doesn't care that what they are doing is making me sick means they really don't care about me, its all about them. I looked at all such tiny details of what could happen in the future. I am glad I held my ground. Everytime when I got frustrated thinking there was no one f or me because no guy could meet my criteria, I would go out with guys who came close but didn't meet all the criteria and eventually problems cropped up and I realized I couldn't give up on what I need. What you want is the frills but not necessary like the long hair or a man who is a dancer.

Then again, I did pray and ask God if I should marry the guy who became my ex. I heard a yes. I know realize that I was meant to learn something that I couldn't in this life but not dating or marrying the guy. Diamonds are formed when there are extreme pressures in the earth that cause this. Likewise, people need to live through hardships and pressures that shape us into the people we need to become as long as we are not resisting change. I had to learn to truly love myself and I did. It was hard because there were plenty of viewpoints telling me how it was selfish, too picky or mean on the kids to divorce. But I did what I did as self preservation. I already suffered every stress related illness that doesn't kill you outright, like migraines, ulcers, all over body stress rashes, etc. Cancer and heart attack do have stress as one possible cause and both run in the family. I wanted to see my kids married and be around as a grandma which would not happen if I died. God said I had 4 years left and I wasted one waiting for a second child to graduate HS. But I believed what I heard, that if I stayed, I would develop one or the other and die. The stress has to go somewhere and it will be either mentally/emotionally or physically where it goes to settle. IN a relationship with some one who is not right for you, there will be stress.

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I'm a sixteen year old girl and I have a huge crush on one of my male cousins. He's the same age as me and has a crush on me as well. I know this because we recently admitted our feelings to each other. Now we're both really confused because we're not sure if it's right for us to date. Also, we're worried about how our family will react if we do. Any advice?

From looking at births from closely blood related couples in the past, there was evidence that such close breeding brought out the worst hereditary weaknesses and children born of such a couple could have some kind of medical issue. So at some point the info was passed around that dating, marrying or having relations with someone too close in family, is forbidden. It was not a religious reason where this was wrong. The following article says marriage between first cousins is legal in Australia but as far as the article mentioned is illegal in most countries around the world. This is likk to the article:

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-08-11/did-you-know-you-can-legally-marry-your-first-cousin/8796820
I do understand that in some areas, it is okay for second cousins to marry. A first cousin is the child of your aunts and uncles. A second cousin would be the child of a cousin of yours who may be much much older than you, so the cousins child, your second cousin, is closer to your age.

Since the purpose to dating is usually a romantic attraction two people have and they date to get to know what it is they like and don't like for a future mate, and the stats of how often ones first love in HS ends up the marriage partner, the laws were set for medical reasson as I explained and the articles mentioned in more ddetail the real reason why it is oot a good idea. Even if a child of yours was born normal, they are very likely to be carrying these weakened genes for diseasess so that your grandchildrens health and or survival may be at risk. I would think that it would still be an issue with any blood relative including second cousins. I know how the obvious traits of looks can be passed down several generations, two or three and end up in a blood relative generations down the line. My brother in law looked just like a photo of a great great grandmother on the same wall, look.ed as if she and he were identical twins. One of my daughters as a toddler looked astonishingly the same as her paternal grandmother. If looks can skip several generations before manifesting, then so can the markers for having specific diseases.

There is no reason why you can't just remain close friends. But feelings will be too raw for a long time if not forever to be close and not be able to eventually show each other your love through lovemaking/sex. Even if you didn't plan on having kids for this reason, unless both of you are infertile or snipped, then there is a chance of bringing a child into the world. I would suppose if you wait until you are both in your early twenties and still feel the same, that you both get procedures to make both of you unable to create children, then the main reason for not marrying is gone. And you could adopt.


s you have been tested

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How would I tell my parents that I think I have depression and I need to talk to someone ?

Gee, I wish you had been my daughter. My oldest told me in her late twenties aftoer getting worse with post partum depression that she had suffered depression since high school but never told me. There were no signs and I took private time each nig with my kids as they grew up to ask about their day, any concerns at all and they knew I was open minded but regardless, she kept it quiet.

As a parent, I wish my daughter had come up to me and said, Mom, I think I have depression, I've had it for (mentions length of time) and I know I may look normal, but inside I feel awful. I'm not imagining a problem where there isn't one. Something is wrong and I want to see a counselor to talk about what I have and get the right treatment. I know if there wasn't anything different about your behaviour so the parents have a clue, it will be as hard at first for the parents to believe. Its seldom a parent is messed up enough in their heads that even if they have no medical insurance or a job, that they would look around and ask to see what services are available for you. So try with the parents and if need be, give them a couple days to recover from shock if that be the case but keep asking and if in a months time they haven't got you set up with an appt to see a professional, then talk to the school nurse or counselors. YOu didn't mention your age so this applies for HS or college age. If on your own, get help and you can tell the parents anytime. No point beating around the bush, just ask them both to sit and hear you out about something very critical going on in your life. Then you say, I am not going to say a lot to make this any easier. Fact is, I believe I have depression and I want to see a professional to get diagnosed and the according proper treatment.

Before contemplating seeing a professional, there are two sorts, one that believes only prescription medicine will help such a person and the others who believe from past clients that the majority of any mental health issues are solvable leaving perhaps 10 % of people who actually require prescription meds. And will try all non med methods of healing ones thinking. Those Drs have training in CBT, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which you can find listed after their names if looking one up.

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40/m, USA. There's this old white guy that always stares at me (I'm not white) when I get anywhere within eyeshot of his house. If I do happen to walk by his house, he just stands there and stares at me the whole time. When he sees me and I'm not on his block, he will follow me in his car real slowly. Then drive fast, after going past me, then he'll wait at the end of the street and not proceed unless I change course. Then come right back. I also think he took a shirt of mine that was in my car once when I was parked in his favorite parking spot. I'm guessing he's gonna try to frame me with it, that I broke into his house or something and my shirt is proof or any hair that might be in the shirt, as proof that I was in there. I walk a lot, and a lot of times he sees me, he will follow me. Sometimes he'll just go in circles to keep an eye on me. One time I was parked in his favorite spot for 2 days and he said he would call the cops or have my car towed for the 3 day rule. He thinks he owns that spot apparently. He has it out for me, I haven't done anything to him or his stuff. But he keeps an eye on me like I'm gonna do something. What should I do? This is a primarily non-white area. I was thinking about talking to him, asking him to stop or I'll tell all his neighbors he's racist. But I dunno if that's a good idea. Race is the only reason I can think of for his behavior. I think I'm just gonna film him when he's following me. But any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

Yup, that's really strange behavior on his part. If I were you, I'd feel spooked about it too. I was thinking you'd say its a predominantly white neighborhood but but you said non white area so I am thinking that means anything else, black, hispanic, etc. He would be the one who is out of place in the neighborhood and if he is racist, my thoughts are, Why is he picking on only you and not other neighbors who are not white? That is a big a question. If you approached him to state you've noticed him following you around, the guy could feel threatened. He might deny doing anything like that. Who knows. Maybe he's seen someone who looks like a doppelganger, meaning just like you and knows that pertson and wonders why you pretty much ignore him and donsame 't act as if you know him, not knowing you aren't the person. I would think talking with him is best but then, I am white and can do so without fear of a racist attacking me for no reason. It might be safest to get in touch with a private investigator, someone who could watch whats going on from driving or walking by when you call and say it's happening. I suppose he can take photos, video of this man following you. How ever, so far, he hasn't done anything that courts could use as concrete evidence against him. What he says and what he does can be used to protect yourself if you have proof and it would be too obvious if you are doing the filming. So as long as anyone else does it, you have proof to take to the police. And there is such a thing as a nuisance restraining order in my area...heard it from a police officer when a man started following my husband and I around. You could just call the police and ask them what the laws are in your area and mention what is going on. The important part is to have a paper trail of complaint as to what he is doing, even if alone he isn't breaking any laws.

About the missing shirt, I can see how you might wonder and come up with those conclusions based on his strange behavior. However, that isn't even circumstantial evidence. Circumstantial evidence would be another neighbor who claims to have seen someone that looks like him opening or shutting your car door. A video of him doing that, would be direct evidence as his face is on it. So you may either want to ta lk to a private investigator or simply file a complaint with the police. Then if the man does something worse in the future that can be proven, if there is a paper trail of previous strange behavior such as stalking you, instead of a warning, that makes it more evidence to put such a person behind bars for a while.

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Ok, I have a problem. So I have this "friend", we'll just call her Amy. At the beginning of the year, Amy and I were both friends with a different friend, let's call her Ella. One day, Amy expressed to me how she felt Ella was mistreating her, and I offered her my support. From that day forward, Amy started to get really weird. Every time Ella was around, she would HEAVILY disagree with everything Ella had to say, even if Ella was right, and then elbow me, and give me a look that said, "can you believe her?!" It only gets worse. I invited Amy over to my house once, and regretted it. The whole time she just sat on my laptop and watched YouTube. She then asked for ice cream and chips and ignored me the whole time. She doesn't really give much in our friendship, if you could even call it that. It's always me giving her food, me helping her, and I'm tired of it. My other friends don't seem to have an issue with it. She also forces herself into our close-knit friend group by making group chats with one or two of my friends, making sure to not add the friends she doesn't like, trying to take their place. I don't want my other friends getting involved with her, that's how bad it's gotten. She makes me so uncomfortable. At lunch she insists that I sit closest to the wall, and she sits so close to me that we're touching and I can feel her breathing, even if nobody else is in the booth, leaving multiple feet of space on her other side. She then begins to scoot nearer and nearer to me as the period goes on, squishing me against the wall. I don't like how she tries to intrude on our friend group and how uncomfortable she makes me. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this, but I'm much too scared to try talking to her about it. Please help before I EXPLODE!

You can not change another person so the only action you can control is what you do about this. First off, a friend, a true friend is not a user, a leech, always a one way deal in their favor. I can't say wether its a chosen behavior or if shes got some kind of social developement issues. And it doesn't matter, what matters is that you don't like it. So the best thing you can do is to talk to her about how it makes you feel. Its only fair. Imagine someone avoiding you and you wondering why? She will likely wonder too if you refuse to spend time with her. Since you are too scared to talk to her face to face, write a letter and have someone else deliver it to her or send your message by text. While not the best way to handle this, it will let her know how you feel. Personally, if someone was squishing me up against a wall and pressing so hard against me, I'd wonder if they had a couple of screws loose in their brain. That is not normal behavior, not even if she is gay and hot for you. There are better ways to leave clues in case she wants you for a romantic relationship. You are not a psychologist and shouldn't have to deal with people that those Drs do because we really can't help a person who comes in our lives but has major issues.
I think why you are scared of her is because I know I would be due to her outrageous behavior, always pushing the limit, unpredictable as shes always doing something outrageous and I would be wondering if she does have some kind of mental issue where she might get angry at me for not wanting her around anymore. Staying quite though is not good as people like this will keep taking advantage of you and believe me she may not give up so easily if you did stand your ground. I'd come up with a written list of all the things she is not allowed to do anymore if she wants to spend time with you. She has to agree to it. Text is okay but its better to have a sheet of paper she reads the rules and signs that she promises to do so. That way if she ignores it and trys to go back to her old ways, you can show her the paper, remind her she agreed and has no more chances and you ask her to stay away from you. If she doesnt listen, call in authorities if older or if a minor, tell your parents, and school counselors that she isn't respecting your wishes and she bothers you.

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I had unprotected sex between 3rd and 7th of this month, he released in me a couple of times, but i used morning after pill just once, today, my stomach felt uneasy, i went to the toilet, and found blood on my panties. Is it normal for my period to come now or is there anything wrong?
P.S, i finished my last period on 30th of November.

Heres a website on the morning after pill. It doesn't list bleeding after the pill as a side effect. So you are best off seeing your Dr. Heres the site: https://www.healthcentral.com/article/what-you-can-expect-after-taking-the-morning-after-pill

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