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Mental health/ talking to people
Hi thanks for answering my question, if you could it would be great if you could answer another. Just to clarify, I am 14 and have a family of 5. I am the middle child.
Here is the thing I don’t know if I have depression but for a while now I have been feeling tired, moody, constantly upset and I feel like I have to fake so that everyone thinks I am ok, I also have lost my happiness in life / reasons to continue. I get annoyed very easily , but I don’t want to say I think I might be depressed if I don’t. I have looked up many symptoms and have taken many online tests ( i know they aren’t all accurate but I thought I might as well) and they have said I have depression. My uncle suffers from depression and my parents always talk about it and say things that make me wonder if I said all this that it might ruin their lives or make them feel responsible ( nothing bad has ever been said but I get the feeling). You made me feel good last time you answered so I was just wondering what your thoughts would be on my situation and what I should do.
I would also like to state that there was an incident with a friend over 4 months ago that made me feel horrible about myself and started these thoughts and has led me to where I am right now
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
For many, if there is anything in the family background, stuff that might be passed on through genetics, it often happens when the body is undergoing great changes such as puberty.
What needs to be determined is whether you have clinical depression or not. Clinical depression is a condition where your brain is unable to create the feel good hormones that help you deal with the stresses of life without falling apart mentally. The good news is that only a small minority of those diagnosed with depression have clinical depression.
The other kind is situational depression. It can take a little while but usually crops up right away due to some kind of great stress. Remember that what is stressful to one person is not stressful to another. ONe thing that causes this kind of depression is polluted thinking, distorted thoughts or what some psychologists call stinking thinking. It is such negative thinking that ones emotions will follow and soon they are depressed.
Now a bit of history on the word depressed. Depressed is another word to describe something being too low as the water level in the well is depressed. So what i n a human is too low? Its the feel good hormones like Dopamine Seratonin, Oxytocin and more. The amazing thing is that there are things one can do to raise your feel good hormones, fill up the tank so to speak and they are very simple.
I found the following on line. However an adult daughter of mine who became depressed after her first boyfriend dumped her, chose to go for a free visit to a psychologist through her work insurance. Since only one visit was covered, the Dr. gave my daughter the same list of things I've been using which I found on line long ago. She didn't believe me until the Dr said that since she was not depressed before and only since the break up that hers was situational depression and she could get over it by following and doing the things on the list.I will say right now that lots of the things on the list don't sound like stuff that can help get rid of depression but if situational, then yes, they can. If using these daily doesn't help after a few weeks, then you may have the other depression which will need a Dr. to confirm it and put you on man made drugs that similate the hormones that your brain is unable to create on its own. This doesn't mean you are broken, you just need a little help to be able to handle stress better. Here is that list and if you have questions, just ask. But since most of the effects are instant, if you do this kind of stuff every day, at least some one day, some another, and don't see results in a week, then something is wrong. You can try more for another week but if after all that, the depression hasn't gone away, you will need to tell the parents that you want to see the Dr. since you are depressed. If you do nothing about it, I can't say the following will happen but I know too many people who had depression and did nothing about it, and these friends and one family member moved from depression on to mental illness. I personally do not see depression as a mental illness as all people do negative distorted thinking at some point or another but the smart oness catch themselves doing it and stop and laugh and tell themselves it will not happen to them, what ever it is they fear, in your case, it might be a fear of getting it because your Uncle has it. If not clinical depression, you can't get it like catching a cold, or being in the same family. Those who dwell too long on negative, disturbing thoughts, will use up their feel good hormones so its a two step process, first of getting rid of situational depression and second, learning how to re do your way of thinking and stop yourself each time you start thinking distorted thoughts. I will post that list in a miunute but heres something to show you how easy it is for a normal human without the problem to encounter distorted thoughts. My youngest daughter just moved far away for her husband to go to school. She recently discovered she was pregnant with her second child and was sure she sent the message via computer or phone calls to everyone. but I being her mother was one who never heard. I thought my younger sister was pulling my leg and teasing, making it up when she told me. Since she gets info wrong quite often, I told her I didn't believe her because this was my daughter we're talking about and surely if she was expecting, I would be the first to know. I even asked two questions by text and daughter answered one but not the one about being pregnant. It took several more times of trying to get an answer from her before I found out it was true. Now how do you think a people feels if they were overlooked? As usual crap that instantly fills ones mind. (They are mad at me, she hates me now for some reason because why would a daughter forget to tell her own mother, I am not important to her anymore now that she is married and a mom herself, etc) Yes, stuff like this filled my mind. But I did not chose to keep thinking about it. I talked to my own mind or inner self and said stuff like, she has only recently moved and is actually still settling in and getting used to a new place and town and so in all the big changes going on for her mind to keep track of, she most likely forgot who she already told or not. I later found out I wasn't the only family member who didn't hear from her. She has since apologized and I am not depressed. If I had dwelt on the situation and tried to imagine all sorts of plausible terrible reasons it could have happened, then the negative emotions would also have followed those thoughts.
Now heres the list:
Rebuilding Your Feel Good Hormone Supply
1. Music: Listening to it or singing. For singing, it is advised you sing a song quieter at first and build up to singing as if you were on stage. If you can't bring yourself to sing being too depressed, then at least try singing Amazing Grace over and over til you feel better. Many have said that this one song helps them As for listening, this is one of my favorites, I will collect songs that make me feel good when I listen to them. It is not the lyrics that matter here but the melody. The feeling I get is as if my heart is as light as a helium balloon and is floating upwards in my chest. I have these songs on my computer or you can put on your iphone. I will put a song on repeat and listen to it several times in a row and when done, I already feel better. Its amazing how quick this works. For an example for you, the very best and favorite song that does this for me is Clocks by Coldplay. There is something about that melody. I recently found something else on Youtube that I have to listen to over and over as it does the same for me, the song is Lone Croft Farewell by Railroad Earth.The melody that works for one person will not necessarily work for another, so keep searching until you find a few that help.
2. Movement: Dancing is a good one, it can be whatever you like, interpretive dance to the music, just dance as if no one is watching. Other types of movement that help are any kind of exercise, hard work can give you the same feelings, so jogging, gym workouts but my favorite is skipping and I am no young kid but grandma age. So I feel silly if I am skipping but it makes me automatically start laughing. Even joining a yoga class may help.
3. Laughter: So this brings us to laughter. The body will create more of the feel good hormones as you laugh. Not one quick laugh but on going, lots of it. Now everyone has a different sense of humor. Get familiar with yours and watvh comedies that cater to your sense of humor and laugh away to wellness.
4. Hugs: Yes, hugs can make a person feel better. I don't understand how this works or why, but thank God it does. This is one of the easiest to do. There are many studies being done on just this one thing. There are plenty of videos on youtube about Hug therapy. The catch is, it can't be a quick barely touching a person hug. That will not help at all. If you don't believe me, try it out. I heard somewhere that around a dozen hugs a day are what is needed to avoid feeling glum or depressed. But who recieves that many a day? I don't, however I do the best I can and when I greet friends or are leaving, I give them a nice big bear hug, as long as you can. You can't give a hug without getting one in return. About this kind of hug, to be therapeutic for you, wrap your arms around them and start the hug. Most people let go too quickly, right about when they start to feel the other persons energy, or vibes, or just encounter uncomfortable feelings. This is not the time to stop the hug! Carry it through a bit longer and you will feel the effect. This is another of my favorites and works as well as listening to songs.
5. Meditation and Prayer: This has also been mentioned to help. If depressed, who is really going to want to do any of the things on this list, however Meditation or prayer, will be hardest of all these things as you have to quiet your mind. That is hard for me to do, even though I am a very spiritual person. It certainly has not helped me when I am too upset to concentrate. But you are very welcome to do it if it really helps you. Start off with 10 deep cleansing breaths. Watch some videos or get a book on meditation if that seems to help you.
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