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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Okay, once I was looking at some questions, and I came across this girl who had this problem. Though after she was done explaining her problem she gave a list of ways that she would like the question to be answered. The most non secencial one was when she said, "For all you people who TlaK lyk DIs" Don't bother answering. That just pissed me off because if you REALLY need help, then you wouldn't care how people answered your question, as long as it gets answered in the first place. My question is: If people list ways to answer their question, then how are we suppose to answer it honestlly if we can't fully express our feelings due to their moranic limitations?
The Answer
Although I generally agree with you and when a person says "I'm having a problem with blank but don't tell me to talk to them because I can't!" or "but don't tell me to see a doctor" when those are the obvious solutions, I get a little ticked off. If I see something like that, I rate it down or choose not to answer it because the asker clearly doesn't want the obviously correct answer. But with your specific example I have to disagree.
If I saw an answer to my question from someone who TlaKd lyk DIs I would probably not bother to read it. The effort it would take to understand the chat speak would likely not be worth the quality of advice that such a person had to offer. This might be an unfair generalization, but it is NOT an unjustifiable generalization.
I don't believe that the specific requirement of not using chat speak takes away from a columnist ability to be honest of fully express themselves. If anything, using proper English allows a columnist to express themself with greater clarity and be more easily understood. Let's face it, when it comes to giving advice, expressing your feelings is great, but if the person you are trying to advise can't make sense of what you are saying then it's pointless for you both.
If I really want advice, I want advice that I can understand. Advice I can't make sense of is useless to me.
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The Question
Ok, I lease a wonderful mare right now (she's my love and life) and I'm sick of using my trainer's tack and stuff so I'm thinking about purchasing some things with my own money. Here are the things I know I need (they do not include halter, blanket, etc. because my mare has her own). I already have clothes and a crop.
Tack:
Shaped Saddle Pad
Square Saddle Pad
Girth
Bridle
Martingale
Bit
Saddle
Wintec Saddle
Stirrup Leathers
Reigns:
Lead
Stirrups
Stirrup Pads
Brushes:
Curry
Mane
Stiff
Face
Medium
Box
Hoof
Soft
Sponge
Other:
Fly Spray
Cooler
Can you think of anything else I will need?
The Answer
Get your trainer or instructor to help you out here before you purchase anything!
You seem to have the basics covered really well, but you'll want to talk to someone who knows both you and your horse before you pick out a type of bit (you might need more then one), martingale or bridle. I would hate to see you invest in a nice running martingale and then realize you desperately need a standing martingale for all your flat work (besides that, some horses move lovely without a martingale at all).
All I can see you missing is a hoof pick and an inexpensive set of leg wraps/exercise wraps, if your mare doesn’t have them already.
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The Question
Okay..,
My friend told me that she is pregnant ......
2 days ago she told me that they had unprotected sex and that he came in her for the first time.
can you really see on a pregnancy test after 2 days that you are really pregnant?
thx
The Answer
It is ridiculously unlikely that she would receive a positive on a pregnancy test only two days after having sex. It is possible she received a false positive…
Home pregnancy tests test for a hormone that is produced only once the fertilized egg has implanted in the uterine wall. In most cases, this happens about 6 days after conception. Sometimes is can happen much later. Home pregnancy tests are accurate if you wait at least three days after a missed period, even more likely to be accurate if you wait a whole week.
Sounds to me like your friend loves drama eh?
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The Question
After sex what do most people do? Like, get up and dressed? Isn't that awkward though?
The Answer
Cuddle, talk, nap, take a shower, get a cool drink...
Those are on the top of my list for post sex activities.
Honestly, there is no right thing to do after sex. Each couple is different and have their own little private quirks and habits. So do whatever the hell you and your partner want to do. No need to judge yourself or them. If doing the Twist until you fall down after sex makes you happy and relaxed, go for it.
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The Question
for a urinary track infection is it necessary to get medication for it or will it eventually go away on its own if so how long?
also how do you get these?
The Answer
Urinary tract infections DO NOT go away by themselves, first they get worse, almost unbearably painful and then they spread to other parts of the body. Normally they spread up to your bladder and kidneys. A kidney infection is extremely serious and can require surgery. So, don't leave a UTI untreated.
It is necessary to go to a doctor and get a prescription for a UTI. There many different kinds of UTI's that need different kinds of antibiotic but they are all basically caused by bacteria in the urinary tract. The bacteria might get there because of cleanliness issues, or it could just be random.
Like the other said, if itâ??s going to be a little while before you can see a doctor be sure to drink a lot, cranberry juice is especially good and helps keep the pain to a minimum, but you MUST see a doctor or you will get sicker.
(If it makes you feel any better at all, the doctor wont actually want to take a look at your body. They will only need a urine sample to send to the lab and then they will rub your back and stomach to make sure your kidneys are fine. That's all.)
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The Question
My brother is graduating on Saturday and my mom and I were going to buy him roses to give to him after he goes across the stage. Well, my dad said that guys don't usually get roses/flowers and that it's just mostly for girls. So what do you guys think? Should we get him the flowers or not?
The Answer
Why don't you ask him?
It's his special day, if he is touched that you want to get him flowers then that is great, get him some. (My sister gave me a tiara when I came off the stage and it nearly made me cry, because it was just so me-ish...) So really, do what you think he would like the most or ask him what he would like the most, don't worry about the right thing to do.
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The Question
honestly, are there any serious side effects
with smoking marajuana?
like there is with heroine and acid etcetc.
thank you
The Answer
Honestly, I won’t cite you a bunch of studies, just tell you this: Marijuana will kill you a lot slower then most drugs, you will get stupider, sicker and addicted at a much slower rate, but you will pretty much end up at the same place.
I'm in my twenties now and I see a lot of people I knew in high school who smoked pot heavily floundering in life. Not because they are bad people, but because instead of socializing, joining clubs, improving themselves with books or classes, they are at home smoking pot. It's an expensive habit, so many of them don't have the money they wish they had to travel or learn. Even if they have university degrees, they seem stuck, something is holding them back.
I'm sure there are people who smoke pot casually and lead productive lives, but those aren't the people I know. The people I know aren't living up to their full potential, because they rather get high.
I think that is the most serious side effect of marijuana. Damn I feel after-school-special-y.
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The Question
Thanks SO much to everybody who answered my last question! Now that I feel a little more confident about this whole thing, I've got yet another problem:
Should I tell my boyfriend about this? I mean I love him so much; he means way too much to me and the last thing I want to do to him is freak him out. Everytime we joke about or do that "What if..." thing, and the idea of kids come up, he always says that he never wants them. I'm guessing the whole idea of pregnancy would get him all, i don't know...wierd. I on the other hand would LOVE to have them (but NOT UNTIL IM WAY OLDER, please don't think that I'm like that!) but regardless, I don't want to send him running. But on the other hand, if something's going on shouldn't he know? Everytime we fool around now, I get this whole wave of guilt but I still want him so badly. I don't want to make this into a big deal if it's just a false alarm. I also know that this would be a lesson to the both of us about birth control and responsibility (my mom's a nurse =] ) and that "if he really loves me too, he won't freak out but guys are unpredictable. I still don't want to risk anything between us. Any advice will be greatly appreciated, thanks
kbabe
ps. I'm sorry for writing the great american novel as my questions...I tend to talk alot too =]
The Answer
(In the future you might want to give people a link to your previous question. Questions are anonymous here, so unless you tell people what you asked before it's a guessing game.)
I don't think there is any reason to try and panic your boyfriend by telling him you think you are pregnant or that you want kids someday but not now... That dicussion can wait a bit. What you should definitely do however is talk to your boyfriend about your fear! Something like "Because we did this, I'm terrified when my period is a day late, even though I know it's normal, and I don't want to live in fear!"
You are right that unsafe sex should scare him just as much as you and that fear would teach him a lesson but he also shouldn't want you to be this unhappy either!
Protected sex is the responsibility of both of you and both of you need to know better then to give in to your urges without using protection. This fear belongs to both of you, not just you and it will probably help your boyfriend take your sexual acts a bit more seriously. The pull-out method is a terrible idea and you both need to know that, and agree to stop it.
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The Question
okay lets say your boyfrined is like sad/depressed about something..and it effects you to were you also sad...
what is that called?
The Answer
Sympathy would be the best word I think. You sympathize with your boyfriends feelings.
sym·pa·thy (smp-th)
1. The act or power of sharing the feelings of another.
2. A feeling or an expression of pity or sorrow for the distress of another; compassion or commiseration. Often used in the plural. See Synonyms at pity.
You might think you mean empathy, but empathy only means you understand the feelings, sympathy means you share them yourself.
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The Question
I know this may seem stupid. but i cannot stand freaking "popular" people. i have an advice collumn, and everyday i have a different message in my inbox from them like "stop being jelous of the popular people" or "why dont you wear preppy clothes and dress like everyone else? you'll never be popular if you do." and i sware im not jealous, and i wear all the same clothes they do. why do they think there the best? there really not that great. and i know im not a loser, so why do they call me one? they are all extremely mean, and full of themsleves. i dont want to be friends with them, but is there any way i can make them stop this? i really cant take it anymore and its really lowering my self esteem. pleaes i need help as soon as i can get it! thank you so so much!
love always.
oh bye the way if you are one of the popular people at your school, i'm really sorry im not being steriotypical and saying all popular poeple are like that. so please dont take thi the wrong way!
The Answer
Please read this:
http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=47&
Those are the Reasons Why We Ban People. Take specail notice of the ones that say:
Posting personal comments in the form of public questions.
AND
Asking the same questions over and over again
AND
Asking questions for the purpose of starting a war.
If someone is using your inbox to harass you FILE AN ABUSE REPORT AND WE WILL TRY AND MAKE THEM STOP!
File a report right here: http://www.advicenators.com/abuse.php
Lots of people gave you good advice for how to deal with people like this in your life but the way to deal with them here on Advicenators is to report it to a mod. We don't want people to be harassed here.
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The Question
I am a female from Canada.
I am in a serious committed relationship with my bf and he does not know that I am bi-sexual. I have been considering telling him because of my re-occuring problems about fantasizing being in a relationship with a female.
I love my bf as well and we have a healthy relationship. I want to tell him because I don't feel right keeping secrets from him. We are very open to each other. Should I tell him? How should I put it so he won't feel threatened?
Advice please?
The Answer
I think you should tell your boyfriend. Not because he deserves to know, but because you deserve to be able to talk to him about this and to be yourself with him.
Before you try to explain your orientation to your boyfriend first make sure you understand it yourself. If it is merely sex with women you are interested in that is one thing, but if you are actually feel like you could be in a committed relationship with a woman, the same kind as you have with your boyfriend now, that is quite different. Bi-sexuality is a rather broad term, so know what you mean when you use it and make sure your boyfriend understands as well.
From my own experience I can hazard a good guess that your boyfriend is going to feel threatened by your bi-sexuality no matter how you express it to him. Allaying those fears has a lot more to do with how you behave after the explanation then the words you use. Already having a solid and trusting relationship is a good start.
The real question is: Should he feel threatened?
What exactly are your goals in coming out to him? Do you just want him to know? Or are you hopping you can pursue something with this female, have them both or have an open relationship? These are the vitally important questions that only you can answer and ones he is going to desperately want answers too. You wont be able to put his fears to rest if you refuse to answer the tough questions.
Try to put yourself into his position and I think it will become pretty clear to you what his fears are going to be. To reassure your boyfriend just remind him of the things you want in a relationship with anyone: honesty, love and trust. All the good things you have together that will keep you loyal to the relationship you have with him.
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The Question
do you happen to know if its bad to have pot in your system (even if its been a while) when you get put under anesthesia?
The Answer
Yes. It is quite bad.
You should tell the doctor who is administering the anesthetic what street drug you took and how long ago. If it was say, a week ago, I would think you'd be safe, but if you were high yesterday, tell the doctor. Anesthetics are dangerous! An interaction with a street drug could be life-threatening. So be honest (there is really nothing they can do about you admitting to pot use, and most doctors would be grateful for your honesty. They really don’t want to kill you.)
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The Question
hate oral sex but my boy friend loves it. He spends too much time down there both my vagina and anus. What are the desease chances? what measures should I take? Please give advice.
The Answer
You can get many STDs and HIV from oral sex, the risks are only slightly less then they are with sexual intercourse. You can use a dental dam or condom while having oral sex to reduce the risks greatly but there are no hidden tricks for making sex safer: Use protection, get tested, trust your partner, and get your partner tested.
As for oral-anal sex, or rimming, your boyfriend going back and forth from your anus to your vagina can very easily spread bits of bacteria and even less pleasant stuff that causes nasty and uncomfortable (but rather simple to cure) vaginal infections. Licking through a condom or dam is by far the safest way to go but even if you don't use one you should NEVER allow cross-contamination when having any sort of anal sex, if something (like a tongue) is playing with your anus it should not go near your vagina or lips until it has been cleaned (brushed and rinsed with an anti-bacterial mouthwash too.)
But if you really don't like it, don't put up with it. It's your body after all and you are an equal partner is the sexual act. I'd certainly encourage you to relax and give it a fair chance, but if your boyfriend is doing something that makes you uncomfortable, tell him to stop or even better, tell him how to do it right!
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The Question
I just started taking the Pill, Ortho-Tricyclen, on Sunday. That was the second day of my period. (I got it Saturday morning) When will it be effective? Is it immediate?
The Answer
I did a bit of research for your question and quickly learned people have differing opinions on whether or not the pill is effective immidately. My own doctor has told me it is effective immidately if began during your period however quite a few brands of orthotricylen claim on their websites to be effective only after 7 days.
Read the literature that came with your pills, if you still have questions after that speak to your doctor or pharmistic to be certain.
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The Question
Ive been best friends with kay for 3 years and recentlyy she started dating jay. Now Jay is an amazing person,Cute resepectful loyal hard working funny and intellegent. And Kay whom I love to pieces is the EXACT opposit now dont think im beig mean she really is she quit her first job after a month.Anyway i guess my question is what should I do?
The Answer
Why do anything? Your friends aren't babies and are allowed to make mistakes and be in bad relationships. For all you know Kay might have something to offer Jay you simply can't see.
Staying friends with the both of them is simple: Just do it. Even if they break up, even if the relationship is messy. Just act in such a way that it is clear you care for them both and won't take sides.
You don't really have a problem here. They *might* have a problem, but come on girl, give them a chance, be mature and maintain your friendship with both of them despite anything that might happen.
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The Question
I have a wonderful grandmother. She is the most kind, wise person I have ever met. She has 4 children, one of which is my father. Another one is named Tary. She is unemployed. She was married and had 3 kids (2 twins and a girl). Anyways, when her husband died, Tary had nowhere to live because she and her husband did nothing. So, my grandmother offered her to live with her. Not a good idea. They completely take advantage of her and I feel so sad for her. She's a pushover, and her back has been bad for years =(. I've told my cousins (Tary's children) how lucky they are to live in my grandmother's house, and they simply said, "It isn't her house. It's our house too." Tary doesn't pay my grandmother anything for food, bills, or gas.
My grandmother is slowly getting poorer. She lives in a bad neighborhood, so she sent the 3 kids of Tary to a private school. They all failed in it, though, so they have to go to public now. Also, Tary's twin boys' birthday was a week ago. One got a cell phone, and the other got an iPod, and they're both 13! They probably didn't even say thank you. =(
My dad and his other siblings have talked to my grandmother about it and she denies it all. If I bring it up, she'll be upset. I just don't like seeing her go through this.
What do I do?
The Answer
Talking to your grandmother might not be a bad idea although it will upset her. Sometimes people need to hear the sad truth from a number of people before they can begin to believe it. Don't blame Tary though, instead focus on your grandmother saying things like "Grandma I worry about you because you have so many people to support and so little money." and "Grandma I want you to be happy and healthy and feel like supporting your grandkids is going to get you into trouble and debt."
If your dad and his siblings haven't already they might want to try and encourage your grandmother to see a financial planner or lawyer. A professional could tell her how realistic it is for her to continue to support this other family financially and the rights she has.
Itâ??s important through this whole thing (and it might take a long time to resolve) that the focus is always your grandmother not Tary. If you attack Tary your grandmother will probably take her side and might alienate herself making it even harder for her to stand up to Tary. So let Tary throw any tempertantrum she wants and whine about being bullied or attacked, ignore her. Encourage everyone in your family to ignore her as well and focus entirely on what is best for your grandmother.
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The Question
Over the years im 19 now, (im female) when my friends have goten married they would stop talking to me. Today I just found out, that my buddy got married months ago, and she didnt even tell me. I think of myself as a nice person, but i'm shy, I dont talk to them on the phone alot but still, thats no reason to ignore and run from me. Mom says they are jealous of me but why would they be like that when they are the ones with the husbands?
The Answer
They aren't ignoring you or running from you and they probably aren't jealous either. Actually they probably aren't thinking of you at all, because they are rather busy.
Marriage is a huge transition and learning time for couples. There is a lot to do, new ways to spend your time and a new life to balance with your old one. Similar to leaving high school for college, some of your high school friends drift away unless you make a real effort to keep them. Big transitions do that to people. If you are not calling old friends and making an effort to remain a friend then you can hardly blame them for not putting forth an effort either.
If you want to maintain a relationship with your married friends, call them, invite them out, stay in touch, do the work to make the friendship last. If you don't, the friendship will fade and someday your married ex-friend will sit around and wonder "What happened to so-and-so? I wonder why they never call. Maybe they are ignoring me or maybe they are jealous? Hmm, too bad. I wish we were still friends."
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The Question
I have been dating a guy for the past 1.6 years.We are pretty serious and we love each other a lot. But we keep quarelling every time over relly small matters. We are just not able to cope with our differences. Is it because we are of different sun signs? Cuz he is a sagittarius and im a cancerian. But both of us can't even think about breakin up. But all this quarelling gives me second thoughts about him.Advice needed urgently.
The Answer
So what if it's because of your astrology? Figuring out how to stop this behavior seems a little more useful to me then blaming the stars.
If you are arguing about pointless things, over and over again, then one of you needs to learn to step back and say "I know we don't agree, but this argument is pointless."
If you are arguing about things that are actually important in your relationship, then you both need to learn to stay calm and listen to one another in order to have a discussion instead of an argument.
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The Question
Well here is my problem.
I'm eighteen years old. I have a really awesome boyfriend. Prior to our relationship we were best friends so everything is sort of honkey dorey there.
We'll call him "Todd" Well, Todd recently moved out of his parents house.
He got a job at a factory and a car dealership. Aside from the fact that he has no time to spend with me now, he has no car because he can't afford one at the moment.
Now I have no problem helping him out, and neither does my family.
Then Todd started carpooling with my sister to work (they work at the same place).
Now really I have no problem with that either. But now, he comes over to my house, opens the refridgerator gets something to eat, my mother packs him and my sister a lunch, he uses the phone with out asking, and the internet. My dad dotes on Todd; Todd sometimes asks if my dad can pick him up, my mother takes him to go get his paycheck, and now he's using my sisters car during the day!
I feel a little used!! I have never asked his parents for anything much less really visited with them.
I know he needs to get on his feet, but this is making me very upset. He knew that when he moved out of his parents home that he would be trying to make it on his own and now he's just overtaking my family it seems.
I don't neccesiarly want him to walk all over town, but come on he knew the stakes when he moved out.
My parents are charmed by Todd, my mom says "Well it's normal for the boyfriend to be closer to the girl's family.." but I am feeling used and abused. He hardly gives me any attention anymore yet he feels it's OK to do this with my family.
Am I over reacting? I don't think it's fair at all.
How do I discuss this with him without hurting his feelings or making it an arguement. I care deeply about him, but this has got to stop.
Thank you
The Answer
I find in cases like this the best thing to do is write down your feelings and then pick out the kernel of truth hidden among the irritation and anger.
From your question here's the truth I found:
"He knew that when he moved out of his parents home that he would be trying to make it on his own..."
He's not trying to make it on his own; he is still acting like a teenager and has cast your family in the role of his own. This isn’t acceptable for a few reasons, firstly being he is robbing himself of the experience of being independent and becoming an adult. As long as he relies on your family so heavily, like a child would, he remains a child and cannot be an equal.
Yes, young adults who move out do need some support, so my question is: Is there a reason he can't ask his family for this sort of support in getting started? If there are broken relationships there, this is not the time to be stubborn and prideful; this is the time to mend those relationships as a mature adult.
Yes, you are annoyed and feeling used, but there isn't much you can do about your family if they are willing to help him. You might try to explain to them, that like making a child wait for the bus alone or clean thier own room, your boyfriend is ready for more responsiblity then they are giving him. But I think it's far more important you speak to your boyfriend and appeal to his dignity. If he said he wanted to grow up and be self-sufficient, point out he isn’t achieving that. Also explain to him that you are feeling like there is no ‘couple’ time anymore, it’s just the two of you and your family.
Try to stay calm and not to cry or shout or bring up all the little things that annoy you. DO NOT go through in detail every lunch he’s ever been given and every call he’s every made. Focus on the big picture. Even if you do that this is going to hurt his feelings; it might even turn into an argument, but it’s is an argument the two of you need to have. You can’t be in a relationship where you carry this much resentment, and he can’t rely on your family for support for ever, especially not if his relationship with you turns sour.
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The Question
Okay, I went to my doctor and was prescribed with "Levlen ED"
I want to startusing it now, but i was told to startwhen i get my periods.
I havent had my period for about 5-6 weeks now and i hadnt had sex since january but recently had it on the 19th of this month, i also had sex last night and he thinks the condom broke.
Is there a way i can start using the pill now without having to wait for my period to come? I know if i fell pregnant from a broken condom its not going to fix it, but i just want to start using this pill so my periods get in order :<
im extremely confused and i dont know what to do :<
The Answer
Wait for your period. It might not be as convenient for you right now, but screwing around with hormones and birth control can seriously reduce how effective it is.
The Pill should ALWAYS be started within 6 days of the start of a period, that way it is effective immediately. If the Pill is started at other times, it wont be effective, either as birth control or at regulating your period for a whole month (one pack basically).
Beyond on that, if by some chance you did become pregnant from a broken condom recently you certainly should not take an oral contraceptive unless it is one of those awful Morning-After ones. It will say so right on the box of your pills that women with known or suspected pregnancy should not take the pill, it could harm the fetus and you.
So listen to your doctor and wait for you period.
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