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Considering Telling Bf About Bi-sexuality
I am a female from Canada.
I am in a serious committed relationship with my bf and he does not know that I am bi-sexual. I have been considering telling him because of my re-occuring problems about fantasizing being in a relationship with a female.
I love my bf as well and we have a healthy relationship. I want to tell him because I don't feel right keeping secrets from him. We are very open to each other. Should I tell him? How should I put it so he won't feel threatened?
Advice please?
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Okay, listen! I am a bisexual woman myself so exuse me if I am blunt. Every man unless they are gay fantasize about 2 or more females together at one time. It turns them on. You need to talk to him but make it fun for him. Don't come right at him with the situation. Bring up a mutual conversation and mention girl on girl action see what he says about it. Then you can just throw in there that you like it. If the conversation goes south just reassure him that you are with him even though you have these feelings and that is not going to change because of them. He will understand and besides if you know each other as well as you think you do then he already knows and just hasn't said anything about it. Don't be scared of how you feel, it is only going to create more stree for you in the future.
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I don't think your bisexuality is really relevant right now. You're with one person, a man, and you're happy with him, am I right? If you've been with women in the past and want him to know about it, that's one thing, and it's okay to tell him. If you're having issues in the relationship and would rather be with a woman, that's something he might be interested in, too. But just to say, "I'm bisexual," it's like, great, okay, what do you want him to do about it? It'd be like me telling my boyfriend, "I like men." what men? now? previously? more than him? enough to leave him?
Everyone has fantasies about other people, it doesn't really matter if those people are the opposite or same gender as who they're with, they're all just people, and you have to decide if you'd chose one of them over your boyfriend for any reason.
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It would be impossible for anyone to know how he will react to hearing you are bi-sexual. Have you brought up the subject in any context? Maybe if you spoke about it in general terms and gauge how he reacts, you might be able to sense whether or not to go further and tell him about your sexuality. He could either be all for it, positively against or even have no thoughts on the matter at all. Only you will be able to sense where this kind of conversation will be able to go. Are you looking to introduce another female into the equation for a threesome, or do you want to go off with someone else altogether? How would you feel if he said that he fantasised about being with another man? Also, have you thought about the trust issue? Do you want an open relationship with your boyfriend? Would you mind if he saw another girl? There are so many questions that would need thrashing out before you could take your relationship to another level. I hope that I have helped in some way. Good luck.
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I have a friend who is Bi and she has a boyfriend. I'm pretty sure he knows and doesn;t seem to mind. Um I don't think she ever has relationships with girls but I know she finds girls attractive. My advice is to tell him that your bi but that you still love him and wanna be with him. He hopefully won't mind but you have to be open and honest in a relationship. If he can't accept you how you are then it's not worth your time. He might be stunned at first but if he cares for you he'll get over it. I'm a straight girl myself so I can't imagine how you feel but I still think the direct approach is best for anything. Good Luck. Hope it turns out ok.
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I think it unlikely that your boyfriend will have a serious problem with the fact you fatasize about other females- this is probably THE number one fantasy in a guys head. I obviously can't speak for him but I'd assume that he'd fairly turned on by your desire for the fairer sex. I don't think you should worry too much about his being threatened- why should you being bi have an extra influence? If you were going to leave him it'd be for an individual, not a whole gender, right?
The only thing I'd worry about is whether you decide to actively indulge this fantasy- threesomes etc. In that sort of situation it's always hard to keep individuals from feeling threatened, so you'd need to be extremely reassuring- explaining to you partner that you love him and care for him and feel nothing beyond sexual desire towards whoever else you decide to involve.
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I think you should tell your boyfriend. Not because he deserves to know, but because you deserve to be able to talk to him about this and to be yourself with him.
Before you try to explain your orientation to your boyfriend first make sure you understand it yourself. If it is merely sex with women you are interested in that is one thing, but if you are actually feel like you could be in a committed relationship with a woman, the same kind as you have with your boyfriend now, that is quite different. Bi-sexuality is a rather broad term, so know what you mean when you use it and make sure your boyfriend understands as well.
From my own experience I can hazard a good guess that your boyfriend is going to feel threatened by your bi-sexuality no matter how you express it to him. Allaying those fears has a lot more to do with how you behave after the explanation then the words you use. Already having a solid and trusting relationship is a good start.
The real question is: Should he feel threatened?
What exactly are your goals in coming out to him? Do you just want him to know? Or are you hopping you can pursue something with this female, have them both or have an open relationship? These are the vitally important questions that only you can answer and ones he is going to desperately want answers too. You wont be able to put his fears to rest if you refuse to answer the tough questions.
Try to put yourself into his position and I think it will become pretty clear to you what his fears are going to be. To reassure your boyfriend just remind him of the things you want in a relationship with anyone: honesty, love and trust. All the good things you have together that will keep you loyal to the relationship you have with him.
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I'm not sure how comfortable you would fould feel about this approach, but it's an option. Perhaps bring it up in terms of "what's your fantasy" at first. Get him to openly discuss his, and tell him how you'd like to be with a female. Then depending on his response, you can talk about it the next day in a more serious manner, regarding your sexual orientation. Because you first brought it up as a fantasy, it might be easier for him to feel more secure with your bisexuality because he knows you're not going to leave him for a girl.
Good luck with however you approach it.
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