Alin75's advice column

I have a local GNC near my school and i was wondering what one would recomend for a highschool football player in the sense of protien shakes. I was thinking cell-tech but after some research and seeing the price i decided to forget that idea. I don't want any creatine or drugs, i want something with protien, vitamins, and that works. any ideas?

I dont live over there so I cant be very specific in regards to brands (though I will mention a couple). However I do know something about protein shakes, so maybe I can give you some basics and you will know what to pick by reading the lables.

First off you have whey shakes. These come in different degrees of purity usually denoted as a percentage. Whey concentrates range from about 60- 80%, and whey isolates are above 80%. Whey is an excellent protein source with a very high biological value and, amongst other things, the highest proportion of branched chain amino acids. It has proven effects and a rapid absorption rate.
The best kinds of whey are either ion exchange or cross flow micro filtered whey isolates.

One also can get casein and egg protein shakes. Both have slower absorption times than whey (particularly casein). These are ideal to take before bed, so the body has something to use to build muscle throughout the night.

Also for all of these a good glutamine content is very good. Glutamine is an amino acid which we require very large amounts of, particularly when one is in training.

In regards to brands check out stuff from Prolab and/ or Optimum Nutrition. There is also something called Designer Protein which comes with vitamins.

Personally I prefer a high grade of whey for after training, and then I take my vitamins separately. If you dont want to invest in different shakes, you can cut some corners and use whey in water after training, and whey in skim milk before bed (to slow down the absorption rate).

Hope this was of some use to you. Good luck.

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I don't know if it's that i'm PMSing, or what, but my nic fits last for hours. I just keep crying and shaking... and my thoughts all day long go back and forth from "i just want a bleeping cigarette" to " i hate my bleeping boyfriend for making me quit when i really don't want to".

please tell me if quiting while PMSing is a horrible horrible idea, cause right now, it feels like it.

also, any advice on quiting smoking without gaining a ton of weight would be super appriciated.

thank you in advance for any advice you can give me.

As a former smoker I know how hard it can be to quit. I have no idea about PMS, but I know I have felt similar to what you feel right now.

In my case I almost didnt sleep for two weeks. By the end I looked like more like a junkie than a person that had taken a step towards a healthier life.

The weight gain issue is difficult. I used lolipops to get me through that period, but they arent exactly healthy. It beats binge eating however, and used moderately you should not gain too much weight. Maybe you could try to go for gum or something similar. It really can help to pop something in your mouth when you get the urge to smoke.

What you have to do is to keep in mind that this will get much easier soon. I dont know how long you have not smoked, but usually things get easier after the first couple of weeks. Within a couple of months everything should be totally under control. This is really not as long as it seems, even though now you are probably counting the minutes not the days :)

The only other advice I can give you is to keep yourself as busy as possible. Also avoid people, places, and situations that you associate with smoking. You want to stay as far away from that environment as possible for the time being.

Best of luck.

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im thinking of starting a martial art. Im leaning towards aikido or kung fu. im not particularly fit or healthy, and im a pretty big guy, 6 feet and im 16. what would be my best choice? thanks

Well I have not done kung fu, but I did train aikido and ju-jutsu when I was younger.

Let me start by making a few comments about aikido. First, the idea is very noble, in the sense that they aim at creating an art that is used purely for defense, and where you need no strength whatsoever. That being said, it is also an art that takes a lifetime to master. You will not be able to do much with a few years of aikido training, at least nothing compared to what other martial arts teach you.

Another thing I would like to add is that for a big guy it is probably not an ideal choice either. I am also large and I found it frustrating to have my strength be totally redundant. Every move is designed to avoid any physical exertion, which means that it consists of numerous steps that have to be executed to perfection.

Finally, my last point of criticism is regarding its effectiveness. All lessons taught to us by the Ultimate Fighting Championship and other such venues indicate that this kind of art would not fare too well against others. You cant be sure since aikido does not enter these competitions, but, when you see how simple the moves have to be kept when fighting other experts, realistically they dont have a chance.

I know that you are not aiming to jump in the ring, but it is still a point to consider imo. What will I be able to do in 10 years? Aikido's greatest strength vs other arts is in its ability to deal with multiple incompetent oponents, like in a bar brawl.

I wont comment too much on kung fu since I only know bits and pieces. I would like to state that their record in mixed martial arts is not all that great (at least to the best of my knowledge). I saw contenders early on in the UFC when the styles were more pure, and they seemed a bit weak. But then again, there are many different styles so who knows (just make sure you get your info from a non biased source, since I have sometimes found kung fu practitioners, particularly Ving Tsun, to seem a bit brain washed lol).

Well, I hope you can use this for something. If I may throw in a recommendation outside your two choices, I would say ju-jutsu. It has much of the finesse of aikido while maintaining a strong element of practicality and effectiveness. Essentially you get elements from judo, karate, and aikido. It is a very complete art with a proven track record in mixed martial arts.

Just a thought. Good luck finding your calling :)

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ive never understood dreams

can someone please tell me wat it means wen you always have dreams wen someones just trying to kill you

also my dad said its impossible to know youre in a dream wen you are

but i have dreams like that and he wont believe me
i dont know what that means either

i had a dream once where a lady tried to kidnap me and in another dream there was the same lady so i knew it was a dream and i kept trying to wake myself up but it never worked

WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WAT THIS MEANS!!!!!!!

I am not an expert on dream interpretation, but I can tell you that it is VERY possible to know that you are dreaming. That phenomenon is known as lucid dreaming.

They have techniques and even devices that are used to teach people to realise they are dreaming. Not only is it possible, but it is also within most people's reach with some training.

If your dad does not believe you have him read this wikipedia article:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lucid_dreaming

Actually I used to lucid dream all the time as a child. Now its very rare unfortunately.

As for the meaning of your dreams I cannot help you specifically. There is this site where you can look up general concepts and see what they tend to mean. Dream interpretation though is rather personal, and it does not always follow that something means the same for different people (as far as I have understood anyway).

http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/

Good luck.

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do guys shave down there to?
or is it jus girls

In most cases guys do not. You do get a few that do though, but it is very uncommon.

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yesterday i was at my boyfriend's house and i had a really bad headache so i fell asleep. when i woke up my hand was like on his penis and i pulled it out realy quick and he acted really scared. he was like, were you awake? i said no then he said oh yea me neither i was dead asleep. but i know he wasn't... after i made a comment he said i put my hand down his pants when we were sleeping, like i just stretched out and boom, there it was, but he was wearing elastic pants and tight underwear there is no way i could have done that in my sleep. I feel really uncomfortable around him now because we have never done anything sexually really and he always said it didn't bother him. What should I do? I wasn't awake the whole time so I don't want to confront him accusing him. Should I just forget about it?

This really does not sound good to me. If you can conclude that there was no way that your hand accidentally got beneath his underwear, then it follows that he stuck your hand down there.

I personally think he deserves to be confronted. How you want to take this is up to you, but just keep in mind that the guy tried to take advantage of you while you were asleep. That is the very definition of non consentual.

What you can conclude from this is that he does want to do sexual things (that should not be altogether that big a surprise since most guys do). You can also conlude that you have got yourself a boyfriend whose ethical standards are well below par, and who clearly does not respect you enough. Where you go from here is your choice, but I would be very wary about continuing this relationship.

Good luck.

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I am 36 and have been married for 18 years...have been with my husband for a total of 20 years. We have been having problems more a couple years now. We have financial strain...we lost everything. That I can deal with I mean the things we lost were just that things. I went back to school and graduated last year. I thought that our lives would improve by me getting my degree. Instead things went downhill fast...he became insecure, possessive, and jealous. He would go around saying things like I know you are going to leave me now. It all has gotten to the point where I just don't love him the way I should...he has pushed me away and I don't think I want this marriage anymore. I am so tired of being unhappy, but don't know how to end it when I know that it will hurt him deeply. One of us is going to get hurt...if I stay it will be me...if I go it will be him...so confused. I just don't know what to do. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry so long.

Hi there. The way I see it you have only two realistic options. 1. you can leave; or 2. you can convince him to join you in getting some marriage counseling. Just staying with him is not an option in my opinion, not if you feel as bad as you say.

I am no expert on counseling and so I cannot vouch for its effectiveness. However I hear that some marriages can be saved by them. It may help him understand how he is acting (hopefully he is not fully aware of this), and what he should do to stop.

Now, if that is not an option, then leave. There is absolutely no reason for you to put yourself through the pain you are suffering. You are correct that one of you is going to get hurt either way. However if you stay this may go on forever. If you have done nothing wrong there is no reason for you to be punished.

I know that I have not exactly presented any revelation. However the way I see it you have to first decide if you want out, or if you want to try to save the marriage (if you desire it, as well as if you think it is at all realistic). If you think its beyond repair, then you should end it as quickly as possible and let both of you try to repair your lives.

I am really sorry you are in this situation it must be very hard on you. I hope you resolve it as painlessly as possible.

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If I do the following excercises daily, will it be effective on trimming my waistline and butt? If so, How many inches on average do you think I would lose in a week.

1.http://youtube.com/watch?v=mmek7iASeCI
2.http://youtube.com/watch?v=QU5oOIk9CfQ

P.S. If these are not at all effective or useful please, please tell me and if you can, please give me some advice on what I can do otherwise or in addition to these.
Thank you!

You cannot spot reduce fat. Doing an exercise for a specific area of the body will not trim anything off that area. Humans dont work that way despite popular myth, and despite what that girl says in the first video.

What this will do is it will build muscle and tighten up the area a bit.

Losing fat is an issue of the energy you consume vs the energy you burn. You have to induce overall weight loss, and genetics will determine if one area gets emphasised over another.

It follows that exercises which burn a lot of calories (e.g. cardio and sports) are most effective. Strength/ resistance exercises are also good in that they prevent muscle loss and positively affect the metabolism. However there too one is looking towards full body workouts for the most profound effects.

Needless to say, all your efforts will depend entirely on your eating habits.

Dont get me wrong I am not discouraging you to do these exercises. Any exercise is good and can make you look and feel better. I just want to make you realise that your success in losing inches will depend on a totally different set of criteria.

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Where is United Kingdom? like what language do they speak? Are they British? And oh, What do British people speak? I'm really curious.

United Kindom is where? And ow is it different and the same from United states?

I am sure some of the British people here can do a more thorough job than me, but this is the short version. The United Kingdom is primarily composed of England, Northern Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. It is located in Europe, the main part being the island of Great Britain. The official language is English thought they recognise some local languages as well (e.g. Welsh).

The United States is on the other side of the Altantic. They are two seperate entities.

Here is the wiki link for UK:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_Kingdom

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Who is this guy and what exactly does he do? The only thing people ever say about him are sentences similar to these...

"Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognises the element of surprise"

When Chuck Norris jumps in the ocean he doesn't get wet, the ocean gets Chuck Norris'd

CHUCK NORRIS DOES NOT WEAR A CONDOM
because
THERE IS NO PROTECTION FROM CHUCK NORRIS.

Chuck Norris was a martial artist that won numerous karate tournaments in the 70s. Then he went on to be a movie star in the 80s, doing action style movies. He was quite popular when i was a child.

Anyway then he went on to star in Walker Texas Ranger which is something that the younger generation may have seen him in.

He is one of the classic action stars and, although he might not be on par with the likes of Stallone or Arnie, he has quite a reputation. He is one of the few stars that actually made a name for himself because he could actually fight. In his early days he even trained and acted with Bruce Lee (please dont say you dont know who he is or I will really feel old lol).

Anyway the Chuck Norris quotes are just a recent internet phenomenon. They are just for fun.

Here is the wiki link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris

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me and my boyfriend had sex last weekend.
so it went like it normally do. but when he had it in, it felt like he ''cumed'' so i kept saying take it out take it out i think you cumed and he was like no keep it in, it feels good, but i was like YOU CUMED and he said no i didnt i would know now lets keep going. now i was trusting him. so i kept going believeing him. so 10 minutes later he took it out but it was halfway in and felt like he really did cumed. so i was like i think you cumed and he said baby i didnt and he starting kissing on me, and he kept going down like he was trying to eat me out. so i left his head back up and we started tongue kissing again, my perious was suppose to come this week, but it didnt, and my tummy has been a little puffy from usual, what do i do?
should i break up with him? we been together for 2 years. && both madly in love, but then again i always had iiregular period, should i be worried?
oh if it helps 13/f, im in 8th grade
i wear a 34 b, && my body is pretty mature, && im 5'7 or 5'8,

First off, just so you know, the whole pull out method does not really work. Guys ejeculate small amounts of semen during sex and these can make you get pregnant.

What you should do first of all is check and see if you actually are pregnant. If you had unprotected sex you should always be a bit worried. Second you should either a. stop having sex and just be 13 years old, or b. if you really must then start using protection.

You see when people advise children not to have sex it is precisely for this reason. They are not usually educated enough to know whats safe and what isnt, they take risks (like you boyfriend probably just did), and they are not usually equiped to deal with a potential accident.

As for what to do with your boyfriend, you can try talk to him and figure this out. However remember he is also just a child and he may not fully understand what a mess he can get you into. Self control at that age is... lacking.

I do hope for your sake you are not pregnant. If you dodged the bullet be a bit more careful next time.

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In movies, when they have sex scenes, do the actors/actresses actually have sex with eachother? and do they use a condom or anything when doing it? How does that work?

In anything but hardcore pornography the actors do not have sex. If you are talking about mainstream movies it is most certainly all simulated.

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H'okay. I'm 20 years old, and I'm a girl.
I'm in really good shape - I can run for an hour straight, I can bike 8 miles (outdoors, not stationary bike), and I work out 3-4 times a week, sometimes 5 or 6 if I have time and can make myself walk to the gym in the cold, lol.
I eat well, protein, veggies, fruit, barely any refined sugar, minimal complex carbs...
Oh yeah. I'm 5'4", and I weigh about 125.
I'm aware that I have a LOT of muscle mass - my legs are pretty much rock hard, I have more bicep and ab definition than some of my guyfriends, and I'm actually doing a fat-cutting routine that seems to be working, kind of.
Thing is, I can't seem to drop below 120. Last time I weighed less than that was tenth grade. I really, really want to get down to 115, but I don't want to risk losing any of my muscle that I worked so hard for. Lol
Also, the underside of my arms is causing me problems. My arms are bigger than they should be at my weight, and they make me look bigger than I am. Any tricks?
I know how to burn fat. I know how to gain lean muscle. I just don't know how to drop poundage, I guess. I did it when I tried South Beach diet, and I didn't gain the weight back that I lost, but I'm still not happy with what's going on now. I won't cut anything out of my diet, so don't bother suggesting the fads, they're horribly unhealthy.
If I'm already doing so much weight training and cardio, what can I change, or do, to fix this?
This fat-cutting routine I'm doing, I've only been doing for about a month, and I do see results, but I feel like they're not solid.
Also, I have crohn's disease, if anyone knows what that is, and every time it flares I lose at least 10 pounds. Do you guys think that's the reason I can't drop those last 10? Because my body is afraid to lose it, 'cause if I get down to 115 and my crohn's flares, I'd be underweight?
I guess with all the background, here's my real question: how do I drop 10 pounds in a healthy way?

Hey there. My first thought when I read this was why is the number in iself so important to you? If you know how to cut fat and build muscle, you can build more or less whatever kind of body you want (looks and health wise), so why care about whether the scale says 120 or 115?

From your question it is a little difficult to understand whether or not your current diet is working or not. However, let me just say a few things that may influence it.

First off are you eating often enough, and are you eating the right stuff at the right time of day? Ideally you should be eating 5 or so meals a day, balanced but tailored to what you are about to do. This would imply smaller, less carb intensive meals later in the day.

Second, are you getting enough Omega 3? The typical western diet is very deficient in this essential fatty acid. This is linked to a large number of health issues and also to overweightness. If you are not, consider getting a daily supplement.

Other than this I can only point you towards general guidelines. Are you sure you are eating a properly balanced diet (typical percentage recommendation is usually 40- 40- 20 or 40- 30 -30, as percentage of calories from carbs- protein- fat). If are doing all of this, then you have to lower the number of calories you eat slightly. As with any weight loss there will always be some muscle loss though, thats unavoidable.

I doubt that your body is not letting you lose weight because of the disease issue. I think its more likely that your bodyfat percentage is pretty low and you have to take fairly extreme measures to lower it further.

Remember though not to get too caught up in the numbers. As our resident fitness trainer here on advicenators always used to advise, dont use scales to judge your progress, use a mirror.

Good luck.

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Hi, I'm about to play a grand final game for soccer next saturday and my coach wants me to play forward (attack).

How can i "get past the goalie"??

Any tips will be helpful!

Thanks in advance.

Kronix

Well if you are talking about a one on one situation, I can think of three general ways off the top of my head.

1. Dribble... the obvious one. Let the keeper come forward a bit and then dribble to one side or the other if you are able to. Alternatively run straight at him/her and then make a move in full run. These are damn hard to do though normally.

2. Pass feint. Turn your body to one side, as though you are about to pass to another attacker. When the goalie reacts, move in the other direction. This would necessitate a player backing you up of course (if the goalie does not react, then pass the ball and let the other person score).

3. Shoot feint. One of the easiest and most effective if done right. Pretend to shoot, but make it believable putting your hips, shoulders, etc. into it. At the last moment just tap the ball forward or a bit to the side.

Remember most goalies will try to go down at or near your feet, and they will try to cut your angle to the goal by moving forward. This makes them a little immobile once they have committed their line of action (since it’s pretty hard to change direction once you are hunched down trying to cover the low angles). Most good strikers are very very cool under pressure, and they are very aware of the exact moment when the keeper is committed.

Good luck.

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I want to know where I can find any good Free Download of a PowerPoint.

Anyone know?
This would REALLY help if this is answered before Friday.

Thank you!

I also recommend the openoffice alternative that was suggested below. It is more or less an exact copy of Powerpoint, things work the same way, it handles a wider range of file types, etc. In general the entire open office package is a pretty good substitute to Ms Office.

Just one word of caution though (which is what I wanted to add here), if you do use Impress. Remember that when you save you have to change the file type to Microsoft Powerpoint .ppt if you want to be able to open your work on a computer that is running Powerpoint.

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I dont get it.. like for example, Elvis Presley, Bob Marley, John Lennon, Jimi Hendrix, and a ton of other rockstars.. like why do they feel the need to get so drunk and take so many drugs and other crap to harm their bodies? then when they die the fans show all the support.. and yea its dissapointing.. but its like.. why do they have to do it? ive asked someone on youtube and they just said like its a custom for rockstars to do that kind of things.. but thats crazy. i mean they certainly know they could die from doing stuff like that too much? also other celebrities like marilyn monroe, or amy winehouse and other current celebs.. or infact everyone in general. drugs. alcholol. smoke. i just freaking hate it.. i dont get why people do it so much and i dont want them to cause its just a waste of their lives!!! its been bothering me for a while.. i mean is real life so pathetic they have to do that? and how do people get peer pressured into it? im 13, and i could never see myself doing anything like that, its just disgusting. but some kids get pressured.. but how the hell can you be pressured to do nasty things like that? they need to get some self respect and learn that you can make other friends. luckily in my society that kind of thing doesnt happen or atleast i've never heard of it.. not in middle school or around my friends and family. i only have 1 uncle that smokes.. i dont see him that much but the next time i do i'll try to get him to stop.. cause its just terrible. :/ its just messed up. and so basically my questions are

1. why do rockstars do these things? why do they feel the need to? dont they know it could really harm them?

2. same Q as 1, but with other celebrities.

3. same Q as 1, but with ordinary people.

4. well your opinion on it, and if you agree with me and stuff.

It is very hard to understand what people feel when they are truly troubled. You see it all the time, people being unable to handle dissapointment, saddness, pressure, rejection, etc. Humans have a tendency to seek some sort of escape when they are faced with things they cannot handle. That leads to all sorts of abuse.

Now, two reasons why this kind of behaviour is so abundant amongst rock stars. First, these guys are often troubled before they even started. Just listen to Nirvana. Fame then sometimes only adds a new form of pressure that they were not used to before. One more thing that they cant really handle.

Second, the general culture within rock is to live in the moment, to have as much fun as possible, and to say "screw you" to the norms set by society. Its not difficult to see how that kind of attitude can lead to abuse. Particularly since at the beginning you think you can handle it.

Without blowing it all out of proportion, there are also of course the cases that just get out of hand. Most people think they can handle the occasional indulgence. In some cases they can, in others they cant. Some people are more prone to addiction in general, some react badly to certain drugs and not others, etc. I could write a book of examples just from personal experience here.

Of course those people that can be happy without any sort of abuse are best off. However, for some people its a tradeoff. You have to understand that some people are not as pleased with real life as you are. The statement "waste of their lives" is a very one sided perspective. I have met people who simply dont give a damn.

Similarly I have also met smokers who are very aware of the tradeoff that they are making. Smokers who are willing to take their chances for the enjoyment this habit brings them in the present. I am not saying that this is a good way to approach life (though once again "good" is so subjective), but I can actually accept someone who has made that choice. Even though, I would not make it myself.

Dont get me wrong, I think its great you feel this way. I also think its great that you would never be pressured into doing anything you dont want to do (thats actually the most important thing). My point is only that it can be very hard to put oneself in someone else's shoes. Life affects us all in different ways, and we interpret and react to these events based on a huge number of environmental and genetic variables. Addiction, the need to escape, torment, frustration, all of these things can mean totally different things to different people.

But I do agree though, it is sad, and I too feel its a shame when one hears of those kinds of tragedies. For regular folks, celebrities, musicians, etc.

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Well, my bf has a little drinking problem. Its not all the time, but when he starts he cant stop, but hes not dependant on drinking. He doesnt do it all the time. Well, one time he said he went to a poker party. I went out to a club with my girlfriends. While i was there, i danced with my girls. Well, this particular club had like little beds with a sheer curtain around it for people to hook up. Well, i saw this girl getting a little friskey with a guy, like shed known him for a while, well they closed the big black curtain, but before that she took off her clothes and so did he. I thought i saw my boyfriends face so i ran up there and i peeked through the black curtain. I saw the back of the guys head having sex with the girl, well he had long brown hair like my bf. I didnt want to seem like a pervert if it wasnt my bf, so i crept to the other side and saw it was my bf!!! I ripped open the curtains and was like WTF JAKE and hes like katie, come join, i love threesomes! and i was like WERE OVER. The next day he called me and didnt remember anything at all! I told him about it, and hes like well i was at my friends but i started drinking, and we ended up at the club...then all black, then i woke up in the club with no shirt on. I dont know what to do. I was like well were over, and he showed up with flowers, the next day with candy, the next with a diamond necklace. I think he really wants me back. Should i take him back, or kick him to the curb??

Well I wouldn't in your place. There are two reasons why I would not forgive this.

First and most important, everyone who drinks must be responsible for their actions while under influence. Too often I see people justifying all sorts of stuff with "Hey, I was drunk." The thing is, you choose to drink, it is not forced upon you. That makes you responsible, it does not provide a licence to get away with immoral behaviour. If one cannot control one's actions, one should not drink, period.

Second, and this is just a hunch, I think his blackout is way too convenient. Thats another thing I have seen from time to time, selective memory following a booze up. It might be that he is telling the truth, but I would really consider the possibility that his memory lapse frees him from the responsibility of having to explain himself.

Also consider this, if you do take him back, how will you guarantee that this will not happen again? Will he stop drinking for you? I would reckon that since he has shown such extreme lack of awareness (taking his story at face value) he should be willing to never touch another drop again. Anything else would be totally unacceptable in my opinion.

Whatever you decide I hope it works out for you. I would be very reluctant to accept his apology however.

Good luck.

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I wonder who farts more girls or boys. Is there any research? Whats your opinion?

My money is most definately on guys :D

If nothing else we tend to be larger and to eat more and so on.

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Do you feel it's okay to change your significant other? Let's saying, you liked to drink. Do you think it's okay for your bf/gf to persuade/threaten your relationship for you to stop? Vice versa. Do you think it's okay for you to tell them to stop or make them feel guilty because you don't like it? What if they only drank on special occasions or every other week/month. Is it okay to control them?

I'm curious on your thoughts :]

Personally I dont think its ok. The only exception to this is if it was an abusive problem (i.e. if there were signs of alcoholism, or extreme negligence or abuse when under influence).

We all have things that we enjoy doing, and presumably one knew this before entering the relationship. It does not seem fair to me to then try to mold someone into something else, or to try to deprive them of the things that they have come to enjoy. Not without a really good reason.

Now just to share a few other thoughts on what you wrote. I can respect someone who says "ok, I cannot live with this and if it does not stop I will leave." Thats fair enough and honest (very drastic in this example, but firm and to the point). Guilt trips and idle threats however have no place in any relationship. That just makes the times you have together more miserable, and it will make the person on the receiving end react in ways you do not want (e.g. they may become dishonest, they may wish to spend less time with you, they may even leave, etc.).

So, bottom line, I dont think it is ever ok to control someone in a relationship. One can try to use gentle persuasion to try to convince a person to change a habit one dislikes. However one should also be open to the fact that they may not wish to change it. Without a good reason they have every right to stand their ground. I think it is only ok to interfere drastically if a situation is becoming a real problem.

Thats just my opinion anyway :)

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