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How do I continue to live in an unhappy marriage?
I am 36 and have been married for 18 years...have been with my husband for a total of 20 years. We have been having problems more a couple years now. We have financial strain...we lost everything. That I can deal with I mean the things we lost were just that things. I went back to school and graduated last year. I thought that our lives would improve by me getting my degree. Instead things went downhill fast...he became insecure, possessive, and jealous. He would go around saying things like I know you are going to leave me now. It all has gotten to the point where I just don't love him the way I should...he has pushed me away and I don't think I want this marriage anymore. I am so tired of being unhappy, but don't know how to end it when I know that it will hurt him deeply. One of us is going to get hurt...if I stay it will be me...if I go it will be him...so confused. I just don't know what to do. Please any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Sorry so long.
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Hi there. The way I see it you have only two realistic options. 1. you can leave; or 2. you can convince him to join you in getting some marriage counseling. Just staying with him is not an option in my opinion, not if you feel as bad as you say.
I am no expert on counseling and so I cannot vouch for its effectiveness. However I hear that some marriages can be saved by them. It may help him understand how he is acting (hopefully he is not fully aware of this), and what he should do to stop.
Now, if that is not an option, then leave. There is absolutely no reason for you to put yourself through the pain you are suffering. You are correct that one of you is going to get hurt either way. However if you stay this may go on forever. If you have done nothing wrong there is no reason for you to be punished.
I know that I have not exactly presented any revelation. However the way I see it you have to first decide if you want out, or if you want to try to save the marriage (if you desire it, as well as if you think it is at all realistic). If you think its beyond repair, then you should end it as quickly as possible and let both of you try to repair your lives.
I am really sorry you are in this situation it must be very hard on you. I hope you resolve it as painlessly as possible.
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