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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I want a healthy relationship.
Before, I thought I did have one. I told a friend that I never had a fight with my boyfriend at the time. We were going out for about 9-11 months straight and we haven't had any argument [screaming, avoiding calls, etc kind of thing]
She said WE WOULD HAVE A FIGHT. and that our relationship would be healthy if it did.
but we never did.
Is Conflict a MUST for a good relationship?
Because I'm all good and there' no problems.. like fights. I honestly don't like drama.
Is that bad?
In my relationships we don't fight.. It's just something we don't do. We talk about things and compromise
Is that .. wrong or what?
Or was she jealous?
The Answer
I don't know if she was jealous, but to an extent I do agree with her.
Conflict is just a fact of life in all genuine human relationships.
Name calling, screaming and punching are bad, and certainly not necessary, but if I were with someone I never had rather strong disagreements with, then yes, I'd worry about the health of the relationship.
Not fighting is okay, but not having a serious disagreement from time to time is scary. It either means you don't care enough about your own principals or thoughts to fight for them (in which case you aren’t being genuine and you aren’t really learning anything about each other) or it means you are so good at avoiding conflict that you compromise yourselves to death.
If you and your boyfriend never have disagreements about politics, the way to deal with friends or parents, or even where to go Friday night, then yes, that is unhealthy.
If either of you bottle up, ignore or avoid disagreements just because you can't stand to 'fight', then yes, that is unhealthy.
Fights shouldn't escalate to name calling, phone call avoiding, or screaming, but if they aren't happening at all, you might want to take stock of the relationship, and yourself, because something is a bit off. No one agrees all the time and some disagreements are worth hashing out, not compromising over.
An example might help this make more sense: I dated a boy for years who I never had a serious ‘fight’ with, but if you got the two of us talking about abortion we would probably go home furious with each other. We simply didn’t agree and never would when it came to that issue. There was no way to discuss it out or compromise on it. We had our principals and neither of us were going to budge. It made us damn angry with each other sometimes but that is a healthy fight, and I’m glad we had it. I’m glad both of us were strong enough people not to avoid the conflict.
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The Question
Me and a girl work in the library we do the same workstudy job. And, our job description does not include getting books for people unless they really need our help because for one we're not allowed to answer reference questions and most students can find there own books. But the girl asked me to find a book for her i asked her "You don't know how to find books?" she said yeah i do but i'm gonna go look for this book i need. So i agree but then i sas her over there talking to this cutie clear across the room no where near any books than she goes an dhugs another one. So I didn't get it 'cause if she can do that she can find her own book and i told her that. an i wrong, right, or just justified?
The Answer
You weren't in the right. You were simply rude, and rudeness is never justified.
People in this world are always going to do lazy, silly, hypocritical things. If you respond to each person who you think is behaving this way with self-righteous indignation, you are going to make a lot of enemies and have a far harder time of it then you need to. Having a bit of generosity of spirit will make your own life far more enjoyable.
As I see it, two things would have been 'right' in this situation:
Politely declining to get the book for her in the first place.
or
After having agreed to get the book, retrieving it for her despite her behavior and simply taking a mental note that she may not be worth helping in the future.
Take a deep breath dear and swallow a bit of that pride. If you get your panties in a bunch each time it looks like someone may kind of be taking just a little bit of advantage of you you are going to waste a lot of your energy and time being pissed off. In my estimation, thirty seconds of your time wasted on a lazy person is better then behaving like a jackass.
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The Question
So my ex, Eric [of over a year] is acting strange. Lately, he's like.. "since you have Bob. you don't need me around anymore haha" Yeah, I have a boyfriend. But my ex has a girlfriend [keep that in mind]
And today.. Eric kept saying "you probably were talking to Bob while you were doing your homework"
and i kept saying no because Eric got online first so... I talked to him first.
I told him I wanted to hug him today.. when I saw him today. But Bob was holding me [it was raining] and Eric got to hug me quickly [but I didn't have time to hug back] so he says "i guess it wasn't much of a hug if you don't remember"
and it sort of goes along with.. what he said earlier "it's okay. i know your boyfriend is more important than just a friend. and don't say he's not because you know he is"
I've been with this boy for about 3 weeks and I don't know him well. Eric.. Of course I care about him. He's one of my best friends and he's very important to me. My friends come first.
I keep telling Eric he's important to me over and over.. he keeps telling me NO or that I'm wrong. I talk to Eric almost every day online. [Just like my boyfriend] and I go to see the BOTH of them when I visit their school.
I care about the both of them and I'm trying not to play favorites. Even though I should be closer with my boyfriend. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to come off as a bitch while saying , yeah I like you more than my boyfriend.. only because I've known Eric for years already and I feel more comfortable around him.
Why is my ex acting like this? What does it mean?
The Answer
It means he is whiner who lays on the guilt when he isn't the center of attention.
It's all fine and good to put your friends first, when they are acting like friends or are in genuine need. Eric isn't acting like a very good friend right now and he doesn't actually 'need' your constant reassurance. He is just selfishly seeking it. He is making unfair demands, he doesn’t trust you, and he is making you feel guilty for no reason whatsoever. Him telling you that you don't actually care for him is deeply childish and cruel to you. He may be deeply insecure, he may be jealous, but whatever the reason he is treating you shabbily right now and you should speak up.
Tell him once more that he is important and do not listen to him argue with you. If he writes off your feelings or tell you that you don't really feel that way DON’T argue with him. That is just giving him the attention he desperately wants. Instead just say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you can still be my friend and learn to trust me."
Do not let him drag you into a discussion about how much you care for him. You’ve told him this before and if he hasn’t got the message by now he never will.
Do yourself a favor and stop feeding into his insecurities by constantly talking about them. This kind of behavior is purely and completely attention seeking. Tell him so. If he can’t trust in your friendship with him, then he is the one who is being a lousy friend, not you.
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The Question
well i have only had sex twice.
the second time was last night and we didnt really go all the way.
he was too drunk to..you know.. get hard but we did other stuff.
he put it in me like twice but that was it and it didnt even go all the way in.
he fingered me really hard and since then i have been bleeding a little bit down there.
i know its not my period because i just got off like a week ago.
and im kind of swollen and sore.
and ive had to pee ALOT.
is this normal and do you think that i might be pregnant?
thanks in advance =]
The Answer
If you had unprotected sex, even for a moment, then it is possible for you to be pregnant.
It's not normal to let a guy play with you until you are sore, blistering and bleeding. Next time tell the damn fool to stop and play gently. You'll be saving yourself, and any other girl he ever gets his hands on a huge favor if you can teach him that less is more when it comes to stimulating the female.
Having to pee a lot is generally not one of the early symptoms of pregnancy. If urination burns or is painful, then you need to see a doctor because you likely have a painful, but relatively harmless, infection called a UTI. A very easy thing to get if you are sexual active, but it's more likely the whole area is just really sore and sensetive. Give your boy a good talking to!
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The Question
My fiance and I were In a car accadint recently. The guy was drunk and hit the passanger side of the car; The side I was on. This ended with me having 3 cracked ribs and a lot of bruises but other than that I was fine. Why the hospital kept me there for 5 days I don't know. They said I was in a coma, but I was only asleep for about two days and they drugged me up pretty good. Anyways, I was able to go home yesterday and ever since I got home my fiance has been extremely over protective and he even told me that he blames himself for what happened even though it's totally not his fault. I told him that but I can tell he still feels guilty and I don't know how to deal with that. Now back to him being overprotective, he won't let me do anything by myself. I know I have 3 cracked ribs but I know how to walk. He's pissing me off, however I do know he's just trying to help
and that I shouldn't be annoyed or anything but I am. I know how to take care of myself. This morning I blew up on him saying that I didn't need him or his help and that he should just leave me alone, and som other stuff. Now I feel really bad, and I can tell i hurt him because I know he just wants me to be safe. I don't know what to say to him. I haven't talked to him since this morning and it's not that I'm mad at him anymore it's just that I don't know what to say. I guess I'm just tired of people asking If I'm okay or If I need anything and that I have to take time off of school. My fiance thinks I'm still mad at him and has tried to talk to me several times, but I don't know what to say so I just tell him I don't wan't to talk. It relly is seet that he wants to take care of me and all, but how do I approach the situation without hurting him or ending up having another fight? even though it wasn't really a fight, just me yelling at him.
Sorry this is so long, I just really need advice.
Thank-you so much to anyone who answers!
The Answer
Just apologize to him and let it be done with.
You are angry and frustrated. He is guilty and scared. It's a lethal combination that is sure to cause some trouble. You know you stepped out of line when you yelled at him, so apologize for it. At the same time, realize that blowing up at him might have been the best way to make him realize your feelings.
After you apologize, tell him what you just told us: That you are frustrated and tired of people babying you. Tell him you know he is only doing because he cares but that you wish he would stop. Promise him you will take care of yourself and ask for help if you need it.
Keep that promise and you two will be just fine.
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The Question
about the question with the teachers ron-de-vu... and you gave them like a 10 minute answer that tells them the truth about how to stay out of it... i can not believe they gave you a 1! what do they expect us to say? we dont even know the teachers...! Lol. your score should be bumped up a little...it was the truth...not what they wanted to hear. i filed an abuse report already if you dont mind =x =]
The Answer
I don't mind at all about the abuse report at all. YG is probably sick to death of hearing from me. I'm always getting myself poor ratings. This site is constantly reminding me that I should work on my skills of persuasion and not be so... blunt?
I know I was a bit harsh on them and it's the sort of behavior a lot of people, especially teenage girls, engage in. It is just too bad that I wasn’t able to get my message across.
In the future tho, this is exactly the sort of comment that could get posted in my forum! There is actually a rule against posting personal comments as questions. Anyways, here’s the link to my forum if you ever want to chat more: http://www.advicenators.com/talkaboutme.php?userboard_id=20556
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The Question
so, there is this person, she's actually a teacher at my school. A lot of people think she's a lesbian(she's only 22 also) but me and my friends think that there is something going on between her and another teacher at my school (Man). so i'm wondering, how do you tell if a person is a lesbian? and what are some signs that people are having an affair. it's also a boarding school and they both live there.....
i just want people's opinions, my school is kind of boring and not much happens so, my friends and I are trying to investigate :)
this is why people think she's a lesbian:
she is really athletic, coaches field hocket and softball
dresses ungirly- like button up shirts, sweaters, slacks and jeans- nothing girly
always wears her hair in a ponytail-never down
really competitive and kind of a tough attitude
This is why we think she is having an affair with my science teacher
they sit together a lot, interact a lot
walk places together
his wife is out of town for a month, and we have only noticed them hanging out since she has been gone
people have said they talked about "watching movies" at each others apartments or something like that
once, she was wearing eyeliner and my friend was like "why are you wearing eyeliner?" like teasing her, because she doesn't usually wear makeup, and then my science teacher came in and my friend was like "wear are you going" and he said "nowhere you would want to go" (which seems very suspicious) and then the woman said "we're just going to the gym to play basketball"
They just seem sort of, i dunno, together
anyways i know this is long, but it's kinda funny, and i'm just wonderign what other people would think about this??
hmmmm.....very suspicious
The Answer
I am using every ounce of self-control I have to not use some very nasty words as I try to explain to you why this IS NOT AN OKAY WAY TO ENTERTAIN YOURSELVES.
I don’t care how bored you are. I don’t care if you live in a series of rooms all painted white with no windows and absolutely nothing more interesting then the sex lives of your teachers to talk about. Nothing can make the game you are playing a good one.
It’s abusive and it’s cruel of you to sit around and speculate about these adult’s lives.
Has it occurred to you, even for a moment, how harmful what you are doing could be? Not just because it’s none of your business and not just because there is likely nothing inappropriate going on, but because you discussing these things, starting and fueling these rumors could lead to intense emotional pain for both of these people? They could loose their jobs if someone takes your silly comments seriously. They could loose their livelihood, the respect of their peers and have their personal lives fall to pieces. All because a bunch of girls were bored.
You will be faced with this dilemma often in your life and I promise you will not just be a better person, you will be a better liked and more respected person if you stop this gossip mongering. How would you feel if your teachers or fellow students put this much energy into dissecting your every move? Only to come up with the conclusion you were an adulteress? You would be pissed off! You would be hurt! You would feel betrayed and violated!
This game you are playing is a really bad way to treat people. It will not win you friends. It will make you enemies. It will also make people think of you as irresponsible with your words and make them distrustful of you.
So be mature about it and butt out. If you have nothing decent to say about someone else, keep your mouth shut.
Watch soap operas if you need to talk about other people’s sex lives.
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The Question
for startersIm going to say this as apropriatly as i can
I was sexualy asaulted by 6 guys && then a couple months later i was raped and my brother said "If this keeps happening people arent going to believe yu they will just think yu are crying wolf"
well recently i was partying with some friends and i was drunk so i wanted to have fun but not have sex and i made that clear to everyone. me being bisexual i was all over my friend thats a girl. Well these two guys were looking on and one of them had already fucked my friend that night and the other liked me. well some how the guy that liked me ended up grabbing my friend and fucking her. The other guy grabbed me and i told him he cool lick meh down there so he did and then he put a condom on and i pushed him away and told him no i wasnt going to have sex with him And he said stuff like "let me just touch it i wont stick it in" and i told him again im not gona have sex with him. So he touched it nd told me he wasnt gona stick it in and then he tryd to nd i tryd pushing him away saying stop but he just pushed me down and told me to chyll out i tryd pushing him away again but he wouldnt listen nd so i just layd there nd he started having sex with me nd i was crying. after he was done i got up and ran off upstairs.
What should i do? I dont even know if this is wrong it just makes me feel wrong and dirty. Is this wrong or not?
The Answer
Of course what they did was wrong. Hideous and terribly wrong. Nonconsensual sex is wrong. There never needs to be any doubt in your mind on that front.
First you should report any assaults or rape, to a parent, to a teacher, to the police, whichever you are most comfortable with and then, if nothing else, start talking to a counselor.
Secondly: STOP GOING TO PARTIES WHERE SEX IS THE MAIN FORM OF ENTAINMENT FOR THE GEUSTS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX.
Did you honestly think this was a safe environment to go around exploring your sexuality? Did you think every girl there was perfectly safe just because she was going to say no?
I'm not saying anything that happened is your fault, because it isn't. But you can't always trust strangers to take care of you and respect you. You have take care of yourself and not put yourself in potentially dangerous situations. Don’t walk down dark alleys all alone, don’t ride in a car without a seatbelt and don’t go places with people you can’t trust are doing a bunch of things you don’t want to do.
Parties where random sex is happening are a really good place to get assaulted or raped. Walking out in the middle of a battlefield and telling everyone "I'm totally neutral in this war and I don't want to kill anyone. I just want to hang out on this battlefield! So no one kill me.” Well that’s just great, but someone might still kill you. That sort of thing happens on a battlefield. You shouldn’t take silly risks. Don’t hang out on battlefields.
Again, I’m not saying it’s your fault. What the guys did to you is completely wrong. But at least in this most recent situation, you might have been able to avoid the whole problem by thinking your actions through and behaving with a bit more caution.
Your feelings are something you should really work out with a counselor. You don’t need to go around feeling awful about yourself. You need to be able to love yourself and take care of yourself. Get some guidance. No one expects a teen to figure all these things out by themselves.
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The Question
I just recently found out that a guy that i used to date has more than 1 kid. Someone that i used to be friends with said he told her that he had 3 kids. I think the trick is lying, why the hell would he tell me he has i kid, because i seen his son, i saw a picture of him and he looks just like him. What im not understanding is that why would he tell her he has 3 kids and tell me he has 1 kid. This trick claimed that she has been knowing him for a long time, longer than I have known him, she claims she used to talk to him and he told me she used to like him. do yall think she just told me he had three kids so that i wouldnt want him anymore. well i dont talk to him anymore, but when i was talking to him he said he only had 1 kid. I understand men lie, but females lie to, because some of them are jeolous females, i really dont think she that type, but she used to be my friend. i dont understand what would he see in her. he is the type that is kind of a dog, if he not go be faithful to his babymamma, because he was going with me while he was going with his babymamma, so really he cheated on his babymomma with me. If he is not going to be faithful to his babymomma what makes my old freind think he is going to be faithful to her. someone please help me out do yall think she is telling lies so she can be with him, do yall think she is jeolous, she claims she has been knowing him longer than I have, why would he tell her something different than he told me.
The Answer
Does it matter?
You said it yourself, he is a dog. Do you want that kind of scum in your life?
She seems to want that kind of scum in her life and that is entirely her bussiness. You could keep being her friend and tell her straight up "Whoa deary, he is telling you something different then he told me. Doesn't that worry you at all?" But you have no reason to stick your nose into this messy situation. Just take a deep breath and back out. Whatever nonsense is going on there doesn't have to be your problem unless you make it.
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The Question
can people please tell me if this poem is bad or good?
it's about fear and denial, not too long
http://storywrite.com/story/65235
The Answer
It's a good start.
The poem has a bit of interest to it, but right now I'd call it journal poetry: A good self expression for the person who wrote it but not particularly impactful or meaningful for others who read it.
The repetition of And I said, And you said, aren't helping you. They are ruining the flow of ideas. This poem is difficult to read, because it is written in sentence form it’s choppy and unpleasant on the eyes.
When writing poetry there are two pieces advice I like to give. One, show us, don't tell us. Don't tell us that "When I looked in the mirror, and tears slid over the face that no longer belonged to a child" Give us an image instead, something more powerful and more true, like "The creases of age make paths for new tears across the face" or some such.
Advice Two: Destroy unnecessary words viciously. Poetry was once described to me as “The fewest, best words, in the best possible order” If a word isn’t helping you along, it’s hurting you. For example, if were to rewrite a few lines for you I would write instead
“I wasn’t sad. I didn’t weep for you
You wouldn’t have wept for yourself”
Good-bye unnesicary words! Keep only the ones you need.
Give it an edit love; it’s not a bad start at all. Just remember poetry doesn’t need to obey the rules of sentences or grammar, it only needs to obey them enough to be understood.
Good luck.
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The Question
15/f
Since the day I met this boy, Alex, in September 2004 I have liked him. I'm sure he felt the same to me but things dragged on and never happened. I recently found out some things that allowed me to get over him.. mostly.
Despite RARELY talking, today he sent me a message with one of those poems about sex with "YOU'RE FUCKIN SEXY" at the end. Sure, he can think that of me but I also have a 4.0 GPA. Alex clearly isn't right for me.
I am wondering what I could say back to his message. I want this jerk to lust over me but think he has no chance. I am feeling quite bitter and would like a little revenge for all of the time I wasted thinking of him.
I was considering replying with a simple "oh" to him, so he would just be confused/defeated. I am not interested in sending the poem back or not replying.
Thanks, any suggestions or overall insight is greatly appreciated! =)
PS: For more info, just ask!
The Answer
So, you've mostly gotten over him, he doesn't have a chance with you, he isn't worth your time at all BUT you feel like insulting him and making him feel shitty anyways?
That is called a petty female mind game.
The time you spent thinking on him was your doing. The time you are still spending obsessing over causing him pain is your doing. I’m sure this little turd has a lot of faults but your thoughts aren’t one of them. Your thoughts are your own and you simply made an honest mistake by being interested in him.
Oh yes, I'm being a bit of a bitch right now, but behavior like you are considering is what gives all women a bad name, and on behalf of all women out there, I’m taking a bit of offence. You are considering treating him badly for your own pleasure. That is never okay, in any situation, not even when a guy screws over a girl. It makes for a funny movie, but it’s not an okay way to live.
You should not try to make other people feel bad in order to make yourself feel better.
You want to reply to him, reply with the truth "I'm not interested in you like that anymore. Never will be again. Sorry babe." That will frustrate him I’m sure, but it will also be honest and mature.
Otherwise, prove to yourself and to him that you are in fact over him, that he is in fact not worth your time and that he is in fact beneath you in ever possible way, and don’t respond to his message.
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The Question
I am a male, 19 years old. I dont know when i started mastuebating but now i am a mastuerbation freak. I mastuerbate everyday sometimes even 4-5 times. Is mastuerbation bad and how should i stop myself from doing so??
The Answer
Masturbation isn't itself a bad thing, but if you are feeling compelled to masturbate four or five times a day then this habit is likely interfering with the rest of your life. Any habit, engaged in so much that you ignore things like work, family or friends ought to be looked at very seriously and scaled back on.
If you are masturbating instead of living your life, then yes, it's become a bad thing. How do you stop yourself? Pure force of will dear. You find something else to do, something more productive to do instead. You don't even need to stop all together if you don't want too, just scale back so the habit doesn't run your life.
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The Question
Hello everyone. I'd like to sing "Taylor the Latte Boy" at my High Schools Spring program. However, I dunno where I could find the music for it. I know music is available because I've seen another girl perform it at another high school. I don't need the music for like another month but I'd like to be prepared. Can anyone help me?
Just a side note, I can't order anything online, I just can't.
The Answer
Taylor the Latte Boy was written by the team Mary Goldrich and Zina Heisler. This is a link on amazon to thier song book that contains Taylor and what it looks like.
http://www.amazon.com/Goldrich-Heisler-Songbook-1-Marcy/dp/0634093770
Since you can't order it online,yYou'll have to go into your local bookstore and see if they can order it for you. Any larger chain like Coles or such, could probably get it for you.
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The Question
Is one kiss considered "cheating"?
The Answer
The only person whoes view counts on that question is your own and the person you are you with.
Many would say no. Many would say yes. A whole bunch more would say maybe, its all in the details. Go ask the important people in your life.
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The Question
Me and my sister are both teenage girls, 15 and 16. We butt heads on a daily basis. We fight at least twice a day, and by fight I mean physically and definitely emotionally. We've physcially fought so badly that we leave bruises, marks and scratches on each other. Emotionally is the worst though. She has no idea that everything she says to me/calls me hurts me so badly. As my older sister everyone expects us to fight, but this type of fighting is over the line. We fight twice a day, at least!
We're past the point of working it out, our parents have tried everything. And honestly I'm sick of crying everyday.
Our fighting is literally making my parents life hell and tearing their marriage apart. Not only that but it's making my life hell too.
What do I do? And please don't say ignore her, that NEVER works.
The Answer
At some point, if you don't like what is happening, you simply have to change.
That means leaving the room before a fight starts. That means choosing to stop the fight by letting her win. That means talking about your desire to not fight. That means not giving into your angry and frustration.
And all that is really hard work. Even harder work if she wants to keep fighting.
But there are no real tricks to it doing it. You just need to be truly dedicated to not letting arguments escalate. You have to be willing to sacrifice your own pride to make things better.
A good place to start might be to apologize, to your parents and to your sister. God knows you aren’t blameless in this. Start by saying you are sorry for your part and this, telling them you want it to change and ask for their help in fixing it.
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The Question
sometimes classified as a psychedelic or a hallucinogen?I've never heard of anyone experiencing hallucinogenic effects because of it,so what's the logic behind this?
The Answer
I’ve heard Cannabis called a mild hallucinogen before, but I’m not sure that is technically accurate. What Canabis certainly is a psychoactive drug or psychotropic drug, which means it acts primarily on the central nervous system and alters brain function, changes perception, consciousness, behavior and mood.
A hallucination is a sensory perception experienced in the absence or inspite of external stimulus, and an illusion is a misperception or misinterpretation of existing stimulus. I would think what cannabis causes would mostly be classified as illusions, not hallucinations.
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The Question
I just bought Summer's Eve (sensitive skin) feminine wash. I was just wondering if this may cause a vaginal yeast infection?
The Answer
Unless a gynecologist has suggested to you that you use that product, I certainly wouldn’t use it. The vagina is self-cleansing, that means unless you have some sort of health problem it will just take care of itself. Cleansing products can mess up the natural balance of mucus and bacteria that the vagina needs to stay healthy. That can cause things like yeast infections, or even make it smell worse as the body tries to fight off what it sees an invasion.
Ask your gynecologist if you having some sort of problem. I wouldn’t recommend a product like that without a doctor’s approval.
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The Question
Whats a new world order??
The Answer
This is the sort of thing wikipedia is perfect for.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_World_Order_(conspiracy)
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The Question
After 3 years in a relationship (2 of these living together), my boyfriend and I (we are 21 y.o.) broke up on good terms. I initiated the break up. We had been best friends for over 5 years at the time of break up but we agreed the relationship was not working and we were better off just as friends again. He said he still loved me and that he couldn't live without me in his life. I felt the same and we said we would try our best to maintain a friendship. He had no other good friends and neither did I.
For a couple of months we seemed to remain friends, but he became distant, making excuses not to see me and avoiding my calls, though denying he had found someone else (he is not the type to move on quickly, so I believe this is true). One day he said he was working, so I went to surprise him at work (some 30 minute drive out of town). He wasn't there and when I called him, he said he'd left already, but judging by the time of his txts to me, he must have lied about his whereabouts. I was angry and hurt, and decided to give him some space.
This morning, around 3 weeks after the above, I rang him and got a very cold reception. I couldn't believe this was my former best friend talking. The conversation ended abruptly when he had to go as someone had arrived at his house (an excuse, perhaps).
Here is where I need advice. I can accept losing him as a friend if that's what he wants, but I need closure from our relationship so that I can move on! But how do I get closure from someone who won't talk to me or see me? Is he likely to change his hostility toward me if I give him time?
Any suggestions would be hugely appreciated :)
The Answer
In my experience 'closure' is a fancy way of saying "Hey! You owe me man!"
Sadly dear, he doesn't owe you anything. It would be nice and mature and considerate of him to explain to you his resentment and be honest about his obvious desire to end the friendship, but he doesn't 'owe' you that. That would just make him a better person then he seems to want to be at the moment.
Closure and distance from the relationship isn't going to happen when he explains his twisted thoughts to you. None of his explanations are going to help you, or make you feel better. In fact, they will make probably make you feel angry and even worse then you do now. You will only begin to feel better when you no longer care what his explanations are, so for your own sake dear, stop chasing him!
Send him one more casual message and say you get the feeling he isn't interested in being friends anymore, and although you don't know what is wrong if he ever wants to renew your friendship he is welcome to call you.
Then let it go. He has nothing left to offer you as a friend or as an ex but mental anguish. End this silly game so you can actually get down to the business of moving on.
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The Question
whats a fourm and how did i make one? i tryed lookng at help/faq but didnt see anything.
The Answer
Sizzlinmandolin has a very good instructions in there forum right here:
http://www.advicenators.com/talkaboutme.php?userboard_id=25421
Also, I'd really suggest you change the rating you gave russianspy1234. You might not have understand the advice they gave you, but I think after you read Sizzlinmandolin post you will realize it was actually perfectly right.
One ratings should only be given for advice that is abusive or insulting. Rating one for anything else could get you banned.
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