Question Posted Wednesday February 28 2007, 5:06 am
So my ex, Eric [of over a year] is acting strange. Lately, he's like.. "since you have Bob. you don't need me around anymore haha" Yeah, I have a boyfriend. But my ex has a girlfriend [keep that in mind]
And today.. Eric kept saying "you probably were talking to Bob while you were doing your homework"
and i kept saying no because Eric got online first so... I talked to him first.
I told him I wanted to hug him today.. when I saw him today. But Bob was holding me [it was raining] and Eric got to hug me quickly [but I didn't have time to hug back] so he says "i guess it wasn't much of a hug if you don't remember"
and it sort of goes along with.. what he said earlier "it's okay. i know your boyfriend is more important than just a friend. and don't say he's not because you know he is"
I've been with this boy for about 3 weeks and I don't know him well. Eric.. Of course I care about him. He's one of my best friends and he's very important to me. My friends come first.
I keep telling Eric he's important to me over and over.. he keeps telling me NO or that I'm wrong. I talk to Eric almost every day online. [Just like my boyfriend] and I go to see the BOTH of them when I visit their school.
I care about the both of them and I'm trying not to play favorites. Even though I should be closer with my boyfriend. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to come off as a bitch while saying , yeah I like you more than my boyfriend.. only because I've known Eric for years already and I feel more comfortable around him.
Razhie answered Wednesday February 28 2007, 8:44 am: It means he is whiner who lays on the guilt when he isn't the center of attention.
It's all fine and good to put your friends first, when they are acting like friends or are in genuine need. Eric isn't acting like a very good friend right now and he doesn't actually 'need' your constant reassurance. He is just selfishly seeking it. He is making unfair demands, he doesn’t trust you, and he is making you feel guilty for no reason whatsoever. Him telling you that you don't actually care for him is deeply childish and cruel to you. He may be deeply insecure, he may be jealous, but whatever the reason he is treating you shabbily right now and you should speak up.
Tell him once more that he is important and do not listen to him argue with you. If he writes off your feelings or tell you that you don't really feel that way DON’T argue with him. That is just giving him the attention he desperately wants. Instead just say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you can still be my friend and learn to trust me."
Do not let him drag you into a discussion about how much you care for him. You’ve told him this before and if he hasn’t got the message by now he never will.
Do yourself a favor and stop feeding into his insecurities by constantly talking about them. This kind of behavior is purely and completely attention seeking. Tell him so. If he can’t trust in your friendship with him, then he is the one who is being a lousy friend, not you. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
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