|
poem
can people please tell me if this poem is bad or good?
it's about fear and denial, not too long
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Work & School category?
Maybe give some free advice about: School?
It's a good start.
The poem has a bit of interest to it, but right now I'd call it journal poetry: A good self expression for the person who wrote it but not particularly impactful or meaningful for others who read it.
The repetition of And I said, And you said, aren't helping you. They are ruining the flow of ideas. This poem is difficult to read, because it is written in sentence form it’s choppy and unpleasant on the eyes.
When writing poetry there are two pieces advice I like to give. One, show us, don't tell us. Don't tell us that "When I looked in the mirror, and tears slid over the face that no longer belonged to a child" Give us an image instead, something more powerful and more true, like "The creases of age make paths for new tears across the face" or some such.
Advice Two: Destroy unnecessary words viciously. Poetry was once described to me as “The fewest, best words, in the best possible order” If a word isn’t helping you along, it’s hurting you. For example, if were to rewrite a few lines for you I would write instead
“I wasn’t sad. I didn’t weep for you
You wouldn’t have wept for yourself”
Good-bye unnesicary words! Keep only the ones you need.
Give it an edit love; it’s not a bad start at all. Just remember poetry doesn’t need to obey the rules of sentences or grammar, it only needs to obey them enough to be understood.
Good luck.
]
Think about what message you're trying to send across - Why should this poem be read? What specific emotion or revelation did your experiences evoke? Your goal as the writer should be re-creating that experience for the reader.
]
i agree with Bbeautifulbby555.
it wasn't an amazing poem that made my jaw drop, but it didn't make me want to instantly exit out the screen either.
it was a little hard to follow & was kind of odd, but as long as you know what its about & you know why it is the way it is, then what anyone else tells you shouldn't really matter.
]
The poem is decent. It's confusing though, but as long as you undestand it and it means something to you, then others' opinion shouldn't matter. :)
]
Its average..not really something anyone else could write..not saying it couldnt be improved but i didnt care for it.
]
I like it, its very nice. Did you write it?
]
More Questions: |