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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I`m extremely angry right now so I'm trying my hardest not to randomly start cursing but I really want to.. I have been asking my parents to let me buy a Sidekick for the last 2 years. Yes, TWO years. Over the course of these two years, I haven't asked for anything for my birthday or Christmas except one item, a Sidekick 3. So for the past 2 birthdays and Christmas's, I have gotten nothing. Now I've been doing a lot of dog walking to raise money for this because I truly want it. I have saved up about $300 and I am receiving my next paycheck soon. The bottom line is, for the past 2 years I've been getting the best grades that I could and doing as much work as I can to get money without interfering with school. I come from a very wealthy family, but they just don't believe in material things. I feel I've done everything I can to get this Sidekick 3. I wrote my parents an 8 page essay on why I should purchase the Sidekick, I've worked my butt off in school and got straight A's, I haven't gotten into any trouble and I've been earning money by walking dogs. Now, I've told my parents that I will pay for the phone by myself but that still hasn't convinced them. Last night my family and I went to the mall and we walked by T-Mobile and I went inside the store and they wouldn't come in so I didn't get to buy the phone and my parents won't drive me to T-Mobile and if I even mention the word Sidekick or T-mobile they threaten to ground me and beat me up. I haven't been whiny about this situation at all, the problem is that my parents aren't open to anything and they won't even let me talk to them about the Sidekick at all. I think the most we've ever said about the Sidekick is maybe like 100 words in 2 years. I've prepared speeches and presentations but they won't listen to them so what's the point? I've put my heart and soul into being able to get the Sidekick 3 and I feel like they are being extremely unfair by not evening TALKING about it, or even going to T-Mobile to talk to the workers about it. I've done everything I could to get this Sidekick and it gets me angry to think about how my friends get whatever they want when they sit around and do nothing, while I'm a 13 year old working to get money and writing 8 page essays and preparing speeches about the Sidekick and I still don't get it. It's been 2 years and they haven't even thought about letting me purchase it, even with MY own money. They won't even drive me to the nearest T-Mobile which is 5 minutes away from my house, and look at it with me and talk about it with the workers. My parents wouldn't even budge when I found a few cheaper ones on Ebay. Now I really need your advice in a situation like this because as you can tell I have REALLY close minded parents and I've worked my butt off to earn this Sidekick and they still won't get it. What could I POSSIBLY do that I haven't done to let them get me the Sidekick? (They know all the features and its purposes and all of the info. and prices.) Job? Done. Good grades? Done. Stay out of trouble? Done. Be nice to them? Done. Act mature and adult-ish about it? Done. I'm sorry this is so long but I really want this Sidekick and my birthday this year has already passed and I ONLY asked for the Sidekick, so I ended up with nothing for my birthday. And they KNOW I could pay for it myself, they just still won't budge. It's sooo frustrating. If you could give me advice for my situation and just help me out, I would really appreciate it. I will do almost anything for this Sidekick. =P Haha.
Thank you.
With all due respect,
- An Advicenators User
The Answer
Parents are allowed to be jerks. Really, they are. They get to be total assholes sometimes and there is absolutely nothing their children can do about it.
Your parents don't sound terribly close minded to me. They sound decided. They have decided that their 13 year old is not going to have a sidekick, not that you don't deserve one, not that you haven't earned one, simply that you aren't going to get one. Deserving something doesn’t mean you get it. (Talk to the millions of starving children around the world who deserve a good meal.) Your parents probably think you are their amazing daughter who deserves the moon and more, but not a sidekick.
So they won’t listen to you? Here’s a trick: Listen to them. All your speeches are for not if you don’t address their concerns.
Frankly though, if it simply comes down to them having decided you will not get one, then you likely wont get one for a while yet. I certainly would not give my eleven year old daughter a sidekick, I don’t think I’d give my thirteen year old daughter a sidekick either no matter how much she begged or worked or how mature she was. I, like your parents, would be unmoved despite all your efforts and cling stubbornly to my belief that a sidekick would do more harm then good at this stage in my child’s life.
Do yourself a favor and find something else to obsess over. You probably are not going to win this one. If you want to make one more last ditch effort ask you parents why and then be quiet, don’t argue, just listen, even write down what they say so you know you’ve got it right, then work from that. But if they just say “Because we said no.” or something equivalent, then that is your answer and it aint going to change. Might as well accept it and move on. The wonderful thing about being a parent (or a teacher, or a boss) is you don’t always have to be right to get your way, sometimes you just get to pull rank.
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The Question
This was my last question,
I met this guy not too long ago. I'm 19 and he's 28. We started talking and we get along great. I think he has been very honest to me. He has a girlfriend he's been with for 4 years. She was away for work... but he told me he likes me. I started to like him a lot too. He started to ask me questions, like if I think he's cheating on his girlfriend by talking to me. I told him no, because we're not doing anything physical and I told him if he was starting to feel guilty that we could stop.... And yesterday morning he told me that he probably wasn't going to be able to see me anymore because his girlfriend was comming back. We started talking and he seemed pretty sad and I was sad... and I guess one thing led to another and we eneded up having sex...
I'm not the type of person that falls for any guy and i've always had high standards. It's really hard for me, But this time I found someone that was able to reach those standards... but he's taken. He kissed me and said goodbye. I don't think i'm ever going to see him again. I'm afraid of calling him, because his girlfriend is back... And I want to respect that and not get in the way.
Sorry this is so long. But I don't know what else to do, Any thoughts or advice?
... So he called me today and asked how i was feeling since we slept together, and he said he can't stop thinking about me. I asked him if it was a good thing, and he told me he really didn't know and that he feels a mixture of being worried and falling for me... so I just told him that I like him a lot and he told me he likes me too, but he called to make sure we don't lose contact... and that was it.
I don't know. Do you think his feelings are sincere or did he just want to have sex? I really think he's an honest guy and he really doesn't seem like the "player" type.
I care for him a lot and his happiess is important to me, that's why I'm trying not to get in the way of him and his girlfriend... But I don't know...
The Answer
It’s fine that you don’t believe in monogamy, but if he does, and that’s the understanding he has with his girlfriend, then you are helping him break his understanding with her. Don’t think for a second he won’t break an understanding with you too.
Does he just want sex? No, what he probably wants, craves, and gets when he is with you, is power. You like him so you let him call all the shots, which is just fine, but I bet you his girlfriend doesn’t let him decide how to define their relationship all by himself. She has input. She has expectations. They have a relationship together. You are easy. You have no expectations. You ask for nothing from him. You sit back and listen and let him make up his own mind. You tell him that you’ll be okay no matter what he decides.
I’m not saying either you or his girlfriend are doing anything wrong, just that those are the facts. You are easy to be with because you make no demands; you have no relationship or understanding with him. He doesn’t owe you anything. She is hard work to be with, because relationships, monogamous and otherwise, are hard work.
So are his feelings sincere? Only time will tell. I will bet you they are as sincere as they can be in the moment, but they’ll not last long. The two of you have left him an emotional escape route; sooner or later he’ll probably take it and hold you to “but you said you wouldn’t get in the way of me and my girlfriend right? So we can just be friends right?”
A guy, who breaks an understanding with girl, will not keep an understanding with another. He’s already proven to you that although his feelings may be sincere, he is willing to act selfishly and put his feelings above the feelings of those he professes to care about.
Take it from a girl who been around the block in a few different kinds of open relationships and a few monogamous ones too. DO NOT THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU AREN’T MONOGAMOUS MEANS HE CAN’T OR WON’T NEED TO BETRAY YOU TOO! It’s a common mistake we girls make getting into open relationships. Betrayal is possible in an open relationship too and open relationships take a level of trust and selflessness this guy has so far, not demonstrated.
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The Question
my best friend is dating my ex, the guy that i have and will always have feelings for. i have always avoided the feelings cuz me and my ex and my bff always hung out. over the past year we have all three become inseparatable. well i told my bff that i liked my ex, and she said she did too. now they are dating, but i know he still cares about me. and he knows i still do for him, but my bff has always been there for me adn i with her. but when he tells me he loves me and will always love me, i feel good but bad at the same time. i want to tell my bff that he does this. but that may break them up and she loves him too. he loves her he says, but not around me. i don't know what to do. do i tell my bff adn loose my ex who is also my bff. or keep it secret and tell him to stop? and how do i prevent the feelings, by the way i have had a bf for the past year and love him, but still have lingering feelings for this ex, do i tell my bf? i know its a complicated ? but please help
The Answer
In a perfect world I would say tell your friend, band together and loose the ex, because he is playing you both in a nasty and selfish way.
Think of it. He has two girls smitten over him (you don’t need to tell him your feelings hun, he already knows) and he can lead them both on, say sweet things to them both, flirt with them both and never get in any trouble because he KNOWS that they are too afraid to talk to each other about it because it might ruin their friendship.
He gets all the attention and flattery he wants, and the ego boost knowing he could have either of you and you ladies get nothing but stress and fear!
He is holding your friendship with your best friend hostage, and that is plain out wrong. He shouldn’t be saying things like that to you. Nice guys don’t tease and lead girls on like that. Nice guys don’t tell another girl they love them when they have girlfriend. This guy is not nice! He is being selfish and ruining your life!
If you can’t tell you friend, and I understand why you would be afraid too, tell this boy to back off! Next time he flirts or says inappropriate things to you tell him the truth: That he is a jerk who is betraying his girlfriend by saying things like that and since his girlfriend is your best friend, you are going to put up with it!
I know you still have feelings for him, but he is using those feelings and he doesn’t deserve them. Tell him to stop and then get some distance from him, that’s the only thing that will help you feel better.
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The Question
I am 19, female. A friend of mine (20 years old) has just applied for a job at a massage parlour, where the masseuses are topless, but there is no sexual activity - it's more of an erotic massage experience. She will be paid $80-100 an hour, and earn $1000 a week for a day and a half's work.
As a student, I could really, really use that kind of money, and personally, I wouldn't have any problem with the work. The job sounds reputable and if she enjoys the job, it could be very tempting - however, I am not sure whether I would regret it on a moral basis or not? In theory, I have nothing against it. But something inside is telling me it's wrong? And yet, that kind of money could open up a whole lot of opportunities for me within a short space of time.
What should I do?
The Answer
Wait it out, and see what your friend has to say about in a week.
If it continues to look like a good thing after talking to your friend a week or two into the job, then apply. It’s great that the company seems reputable and safe now, but I think it’s definitely worth it to wait until you can get that information from a source you can really rely on.
If it still seems good in a week, and your friend feels happy and safe, I would say absolutely go for it. If you don’t feel comfortable, you quit. No harm, no fowl. I’m sure a lot of girls quit that place after a week or so saying “Nope. Sorry. Just not for me.”
It sounds like you are comfortable with the idea of job, and that (and your safety) is really all that is important.
Yes. You may regret it in the future. Or you may laugh about it and count it as one of those funny events in your life. Regret and a bit of guilt are okay things, they guide us and teach us, but we can’t live our lives missing out on things because of them. If you regret in a months time, smile to yourself and think “Well, I’ve learned not to do that again!”
All of this advice however, is based on you discovering from your friend that this is actually a safe and positive work environment. Those places run a high risk of not being. Make sure before you step in.
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The Question
a hot jock at my school keeps iming me telling me that i make him horny and im hott. and hes like perverted i talk to him, but i mean i dont take him seriously. and hes like"i dont act like this around my friends. dont tell anyone im acting liek this to you" and im like "wtf."
whats going on?
The Answer
Ask him what he means by that.
Sounds to me like he is either ashamed of his behavoir (which honestly, he sort of should be, there are far better compliments to offer a pretty girl then 'you make me horny) or he is ashamed of be attracted to you.
Either way, you should probably stop talking to him, because if he thinks what he is saying to you is wrong, it probably is, and if he is ashamed of you, then he isn't worth talking to at all.
Compliments are very nice, and everyone wants to feel sexy, but compliments from a strange and confused teenage boy aren't worth that much in the long run.
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The Question
okay. so theres this one girl and shes probly the biggest slut i know. im serious.she will do anything with any guy and me and this one guy went out for almost 2 years. guess who comes up? her! right after we broke up she was after him and they held hands as soon as we broke up.then i went out with another guy and two days after we broke up shes the first one to make out with him. then i started liking this guy that has been my best friend for 3 years. and she started liking him too. then they went out for a while then broke up, then went out. so i stopped liking him, or i hesitated to because i know he wouldn't be over her and guess what? its been about a month and hes still not over her. she likes so many guys and shes saying they are supposedly about to go back out. like a week ago he told me he liked me too. so that helped me not to hesitate liking him. now i see them together a lot after school and stuff and im just about ready to explode! what do i do? :[ someone please give me some adivce
The Answer
Ignore her.
Girls do not steal guys. Guys leave.
If this guy wants to be with you, it doesn't matter if she completely ignores him, or if she tears off all her clothes in front of him. He'll be with you, because that is what he wants.
If he doesn't want to be with you, he won’t be.
Don't get angry with her. She is just a poor fool. Get annoyed with him and ask him what is going on! He's probably a bit confused himself, but it's alright to tell him that you don't appreciate the confusion he is putting you through.
It’s really not a good idea to get annoyed with other girls. It’s a waste of your time considering it’s really just the fact you and the boy aren’t talking about what you feel that is causing the problem. So talk to him.
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The Question
ok, so i'm 15/f and i'm gay, it's not too big a deal in my community, but i am still worried about coming out because there are some people who would kind of shun me and such. Anyways, there is this girl who is 17 and she's a lesbian, and i kind of like her, but that doesn't really matter because she has a girlfriend and i would never want to come between them. anyways, i kind of would like to just talk to her about it and stuff because i look up to her a lot, and the only person i can talk to is my best friend, who is cool with me being gay, but not too helpful since she's straight.
anyhow, this 17 year old girl thinks i'm straight probably and i want to start dropping hints, not just towards her, to everyone that i'm gay because i really dont want to just come out and say it.
what should i do? wear, act, say.......??? please help, I feel like if i just said i was gay I would lose some of my friends, and also because people would be like, so what we don't care, like it doesn't matter enough to just announce it, lol
ok if anyone-gay or straight, has any tips for dropping hints that would be awesome.
thanks in advance, if I don't like your advice i won't rate you bad i promise
The Answer
Honestly hun, if you are ready to tell people, it’s simpler to just tell them when it comes up in conversation. Changing your attitude or the way you dress, is only going to make those who would be uncomfortable more uncomfortable.
Nothing needs to change. You haven't changed. You'll be precisely the same person you were yesterday. There is no need for change. Being gay isn’t a problem, and it doesn’t define you. You probably already know that! But don’t do things that will give others the idea that is a problem or that you have changed.
Let it come out naturally. One of my favorite moments was with a good friend of mine who was asked “Don’t think Tom Cruise is hot.” And she said “No. Jessica Alba, now she is HOT.” And when they gave her a weird look she laughed and said “What? You couldn’t tell to look at me?”
It was silly, it was lighthearted and it was true to who she was. That’s the goal.
If other people have a problem, that’s their problem, not yours.
As for your older lesbian friend, just out and tell her what’s on your mind and that you hope she would talk to you about it. She’ll probably be thrilled to listen and help and tell her own story.
You never need to hide behind games to feel safe. You just need a bit of courage and a bit of confidence.
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The Question
Ok i dont think this is in the right category but w/e. this girl like hates me and 2 of my friends. she keeps saying to me she wont do anything if we dont and im like i wont but she keeps saying that all these people wanna fight us ( and long story short she doesnt like us for the stupidest reason ) anyway im really afraid someone will just come out of nowhere and start fighting me...i dont know how to fight!! lol we already talked to our guidance counselor and she said to work it out and be mature..what are we supposed to do if they keep threatening us?
The Answer
First of all, do everything in your power to not allow her to continue threatening you. Avoid her, block her online, don't speak to her at all. If she keeps threatening you despite your best attempts to stay away from her, do the mature thing and contact another adult, run for help, or call the cops.
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The Question
My best friend is pregnant. This is really hard to believe for me because of the fact that we are 13 and that we promised eachother we wouldn't do it until we were at least 20. She says she was drunk but what the hell!? She's told me so many versions of the same story and i don't know which to believe! I don't even know how she found out. She is coming over Saturday and she is going to take the pregnancy test in my bathroom again just to make sure. I'm the ONLY one who knows. I want to be her friend but if its true I don't think I can stay friends with her. She is such a bad influence on me.
The Answer
Is she really a bad influence or are you just disappointed in her? It sounds like you've got your head on straight despite the fact that your friend is quite messed up. Being disappointed in her is okay, if she is pregnant, she's going to have to learn to deal with a lot of people being quite disappointed (and angry!) with her, and you might find that your friendship can survive disappointment.
I was in a very similar situation when I was seventeen, not nearly quite so young, and although my friendship with the new mom changed a great deal, it didn’t have to die just because she made a few choices I disagreed with.
But I wouldn’t worry about it too much until after you see the test. Sounds like your friend might just really love drama. If it turns out she isn’t pregnant, you still might want to talk to an adult about what she has told you, because if she is behaving that way at thirteen, she really needs an adult to step in, and if she is merely telling you stories then she REALLY needs an adult to step in.
Good Luck.
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The Question
My bf wants to go all the way but i am not sure i am ready. I keep having fantasies of us together but i stop myself. It's getting really hard because he brings condums every time we see each other. My friends and their bf's are doing it...should I?
age: 15/f
my bf: 18
The Answer
No, you shouldn't. Here's why:
ONE
He is pressuring you. By bringing condoms over each time he visits you he is pressuring you. Instead of leaving it open to discussion he is planning for it to 'just happen'. That means he wants to get laid, regardless if you are sure of your decision or not. The moment you say "well, maybe... yes" he'll be ready to go before you can change your mind. That isn't the right way to make a decision like this.
Remember this for the rest of your life dear: Do not sleep with guys who carry condoms in their wallets. They are not being prepared. They are being indiscriminate.
TWO
You aren't sure. Fantasies are one thing. I have fantasies driving my car over 150 miles an hour. Doesn't mean I'm a good enough driver to do it, and certainly doesn't mean it's a good idea.
So to sum up: You aren't sure of your decision and your boyfriend is putting a lot of pressure on you. I'm sure he says he isn't! But his actions speak louder then his words. He wants sex, and sex isn’t something you should ‘give’ to your partner, it’s something you should be happy to share.
So tell him to back off, leave the condoms at home, and let you have a good clear think on it.
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The Question
I'm from upstate New York..
Can someone tell me why everyone loves Paris in the rain? I always hear it in the songs/movies I have.
The Answer
I think it's just a overly rommantic ideal. I did some google searching and couldn't find where the idea started. I've been in Paris while it is raining thought, and yes rain fell rather softly, but it was just as cold and wet as it is anywhere else, and just like most places, it was Paris after the rain that was prettiest.
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The Question
I have been single for about four months and it is starting to get old. There is this guy I have liked for awhile now but Its not getting anywhere. We have had sex with eachother even tho I know we shouldnt have because its just a tease. I want to make him want me but I`m not sure how. Please give me some ideas? I want him to want me as much as I want him.
I will rate high for good detaild advice!
The Answer
It's impossible to make him like you as much you like him. It also won’t make you happy.
You want to be loved. You want to be loved for being your own marvelous self. But if you work hard at making him love you, then it's not your marvelous self that attracted him. It's all the hard work you've been putting in! And to keep him, you'll have to keep working!
That's not what you want hun. Wait for someone who can give the affection you want, the affection for being your own sweet self, not the affection you can win by trying so desperately to attract him, or worse, turning yourself into someone else to attract him.
So here is my actual advice:
Be the best of yourself: Stay in touch, show him genuine affection and interest in his life. Ask questions. Be kind and let him know you care and that you'd like the same from him. Don't play games, just be consistently kind. Either he'll respond to you, or he won’t. If he does, awesome! Then he likes you for YOU! If he doesn’t, let it go, because if he doesn’t like you for who you are, then he can’t give you the love you really want anyways.
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The Question
How can you ask a guy if he likes you still without sounding desperate?...I know he used to like me but now he doesn't say it...he's not his old self..and I just want to know..how can I?
The Answer
Just as him straight up "So, are you still into me?" or something like that.
It is the playing around, the teasing the topic, and the long drawn out conversation that make you sound desperate. A straight-forward question makes you seem like a girl who just wants to know where she stands and will be cool no matter what the answer is.
Good Luck.
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The Question
I was wondering for people who wants their body to be burned to ashes when they die, how come there's still a coffin to be burried even though their ashes are going to be kept in a jar?
For example, Anna Nicole Smith
The Answer
Once a coffin has had a body in it, like for the viewing. It can't be reused for anything else. That is one of the simplest reasons people bury empty coffins. It's garbage now. There is nothing else to be done with it!
Then of course, as other said, it is symbolic. Some people never use the coffin at all for the body but many people like to have a gravesite, even if the body was donated to science or cremated.
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The Question
Ok when you excercise and your heart beats really fast then that's good but when you smoke your heart beats really fast but that's bad. Why?
Both make hearts beat fast I don't know why one is good and one is bad
The Answer
Your body needs more oxygen when you are exercising, so your heart beats faster to pump the blood quicker and get it delivering the oxygen quicker.
When you smoke, you aren't getting enough oxygen. You are breathing in useless crud instead. Your heart beats faster meaning there is even more demand for oxygen that isn't there.
So that’s the difference. When you exercise your heart speeds up to help you work and give your body what it needs, when you smoke, it speeds up because you are making it work too hard and not giving your body what it needs.
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The Question
How come during sex the women usually scream and the guys just like, whisper? Like porn
The Answer
Well, in porn, it is simply because the vast majority of porn is geared towards men who do not really want to see or hear other men. The woman is the focus. They want to look at her and see her. If they guy makes noises, he is just a distraction. Add to that, the majority of porn does cast the man in the dominant role. He is the one in control. As the one is control, he isn’t making animalistic noises of total abandonment and pleasure.
Point of Fact: Good, real, sex, looks and sounds very little like porn.
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The Question
do guys expect to get a handjob or blowjob from their girlfriends? im 14/f, and i know it seems young or whatever, but there are soo many girls giving them to their boyfriends right now, so is it normal?
The Answer
30 years ago smoking was normal, and it kills people.
Being normal is not a good way to determine what people should be doing, and certainly no way to determine what little boys should expect from their 'relationships'.
But no, in my opinion I don't believe that that is the 'norm'. It's just the 'cool', so people talk about it, and understandably, young teens have a plethora of questions about it. Finding out what is 'normal' sexual behavior is a problem that has plagued researchers for over a hundred years. It's almost impossible to do, because no one is honest about it. Teenagers lie when it comes to sex just as much as adults. Teens can certainly talk more sex then ever before, but it’s impossible to say what is normal.
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The Question
18/f
when me and my bf first started doing oral i used to try and swallow his cum, but we had a couple of bad experiences!! first time it all shot to the back of my mouth, must have hit my gag reflex and i nearly choked and started coughing, second time the same thing happened except i nearly threw up!! I had to swallow to stop myself being sick while he was cumming and that made me feel really sick after, i really disliked the texture and taste in my mouth. after this we've been using other methods which don't involve him cumming in my mouth but I know he wants me to try again even if I have to spit it out (he's not pressuring me or anything but I know he would like it and I do owe it to him to try again)... so my question is should i try and swallow it again or hold it in my mouth and go spit it out somewhere.... also any tips on how not to choke, cough or feel sick! Thanks so much!
The Answer
You don't 'owe' that Hun.
Yes, reciprocal oral stimulation can, and in my opinion should be, part of a healthy and enjoyable sexual relationship. Two key worlds there are 'stimulation' and 'enjoyable'. Oral stimulation is still enjoyable for men without orgasm, and if oral stimulation with orgasm is not enjoyable for you, and then your boyfriend simply gets to enjoy other kinds of stimulation when it comes to big finale. 'Nough said.
Of course, if you've only tried it a few times, by all means try again. However, DO NOT feel obligated to do something you don't like and DO NOT feel like your dislike of something is a personal failing. Men have absolutely no concept, and for the most part don't even want to think about, how difficult, tiring and occasionally unpleasant oral sex can be for their partners. You'll be doing every girl a favor if you set your boy straight on this. Nothing is a compulsory obligation when it comes to sex, relationships must strike a balance, where both parties have their needs meet without infringing on the needs of the other. If you canâ??t do that then the relationship wont last.
I'm afraid I might be skirting the bounds of what is considered decent on Advicenators, but I'll give you the best advice I have for not feeling sick afterwards: Make sure your boyfriend is giving you a verbal warning on his orgasm. He will probably know a good 10 seconds before you will. Don't stop whatever you are doing, but in my experience you don't want to have him right at the back of your mouth so try to stay to the front after he warns you. Yes, the taste can be bad, but as you have discovered, choking is even worse.
Also, try not to attempt this on an empty stomach. Just my personal experience there. Swallowing semen only makes me really ill if I am hungry, and if I do feel ill afterwards, a granola bar or some crackers makes me feel just fine again.
In my opinion, spitting only makes the taste last longer, so if you don't like it, swallowing the quickest way to get rid of the stuff. If you decide to spit, have a face cloth or something handy. Put it under your knee, or somewhere very close by so you'll know where it is without thinking. Hell, make him hold it so you know it won't get lost! Then take it from him when you need it.
Once more: If you two give it your best shot and you still don't like it. Don't feel obligated to do it. If you don't like it, but figure you can do it every once in a while, tell him so very clearly. Understand that if it's something you don't like, then it is something you do for him because his pleasure is important to you, not because he begs or bullies.
No matter what happens I hope you can learn its okay to say 'no' to your boyfriend. "No" doesn't mean "I don't love you" it means "No. I don't like that." Don't get the two confused!
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The Question
Is it true that you can get HPV Human Papalumoa (or however u spell it) Virus from masturbating???
The Answer
No. You can't just spontaneous develop an infection.
Only if you already had HPV in some other part of your body, like in warts on your hand, is it possible they could spread to your vagina. Or if you were sexually active with someone else who was infected. HPV isn't carried in the semen; it's on the skin, so touching someone else's infected genitalia could spread the infection to you. But as long as your hands are clean, touch your own all you want.
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The Question
I've asked this question twice, at two different advice forums. Perhaps I just won't accept the answer, I think I might be looking still to hear what I want: that I should hang on... Well, I've met this friend through business, she's 19 years older than me (I'm 27, she's 46). We get along just fine, but it's mostly up to me to keep things going and stay in touch - unless I phone, e-mail, text or visit I rarely hear from her. I've tried "silent treatment": it once lasted 3 months, currently we stand at 8 weeks and counting. It just feels as though I am not important to her at all. Last year she went through major surgery, and I supported her as much I could. I know how much she appreciated it, she said I have been "an angel" through her op & recovery. Yet, when I need a little support, she's never there. We never get to go out and have that coffee; she can never commit to a date or find time for me. Perhaps she's just not that into me? Everyone, including my husband, says that I should let go because it is one-sided (she doesn't seem to miss me when we lose touch for a couple of weeks anyhow?) And still my heart keeps holding on, I love my friend, I've gained her trust, we have an almost tangible bond that seemed to have been strentghtened in her trying time last year. I feel guilty for wanting to let go - a true friend is supposed to give without expecting anything in return, right? I had always hoped that it is divine to give unconditionally and that that in itself would be fulfilling enough. But I do in fact have expectations: I want and need her friendship, I want her to want me too and to also put effort into our relationship. Perhaps my expectations are far too high... should I let go? Or should I fight for it? When I touched the subject of me always taking the effort to stay in touch and her never picking up the phone, we ended up arguing; she said that she is busy and I am over-sensitive. Please help me, I've invested so much and this friendship has brought me so much joy (although a great deal of tears as well...)
The Answer
True friends do not give without expecting anything in return. Only slaves do that. Human beings give love and trust in order to receive love and trust in return. There is no shame in that. Relationships are supposed to be beneficial to both people involved, not just one of them.
Love her all you want. Divine love is not something God gives us because we deserve it, and it isn’t something we give each other because it is deserved either, but love doesn’t require you to torture yourself.
So go ahead and love her, but don't you dare pick up that phone again! Loving her and twisting their arm to make them spend time with you are two completely different things. Love her unconditionally, forgive her for her sometimes lousy treatment of you, and if she should contact you respond with all the loving joy of a good friend.
Her understanding of friendship is clearly different then yours. She doesn't see the effort as necessary, or perhaps she believes that friends who only speak three or four times a year are still good friends.
Stop confusing loving someone as them having some sort of obligation to you. She has made it clear to you what role you play in her life and that despite your efforts, that role isn’t going to change. If you can accept how much energy she is willing to put forth, match it, and continue to love her, then the relationship will become beneficial for you both. If you can’t accept it, then you should end the friendship, not because you don’t love her anymore, but because your love for her is hurting you to a completely unreasonable extent. Love does make demands on us sometimes, but it should NEVER be allowed to make us a victim.
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