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He has a girlfriend 2
This was my last question,
I met this guy not too long ago. I'm 19 and he's 28. We started talking and we get along great. I think he has been very honest to me. He has a girlfriend he's been with for 4 years. She was away for work... but he told me he likes me. I started to like him a lot too. He started to ask me questions, like if I think he's cheating on his girlfriend by talking to me. I told him no, because we're not doing anything physical and I told him if he was starting to feel guilty that we could stop.... And yesterday morning he told me that he probably wasn't going to be able to see me anymore because his girlfriend was comming back. We started talking and he seemed pretty sad and I was sad... and I guess one thing led to another and we eneded up having sex...
I'm not the type of person that falls for any guy and i've always had high standards. It's really hard for me, But this time I found someone that was able to reach those standards... but he's taken. He kissed me and said goodbye. I don't think i'm ever going to see him again. I'm afraid of calling him, because his girlfriend is back... And I want to respect that and not get in the way.
Sorry this is so long. But I don't know what else to do, Any thoughts or advice?
... So he called me today and asked how i was feeling since we slept together, and he said he can't stop thinking about me. I asked him if it was a good thing, and he told me he really didn't know and that he feels a mixture of being worried and falling for me... so I just told him that I like him a lot and he told me he likes me too, but he called to make sure we don't lose contact... and that was it.
I don't know. Do you think his feelings are sincere or did he just want to have sex? I really think he's an honest guy and he really doesn't seem like the "player" type.
I care for him a lot and his happiess is important to me, that's why I'm trying not to get in the way of him and his girlfriend... But I don't know...
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It’s fine that you don’t believe in monogamy, but if he does, and that’s the understanding he has with his girlfriend, then you are helping him break his understanding with her. Don’t think for a second he won’t break an understanding with you too.
Does he just want sex? No, what he probably wants, craves, and gets when he is with you, is power. You like him so you let him call all the shots, which is just fine, but I bet you his girlfriend doesn’t let him decide how to define their relationship all by himself. She has input. She has expectations. They have a relationship together. You are easy. You have no expectations. You ask for nothing from him. You sit back and listen and let him make up his own mind. You tell him that you’ll be okay no matter what he decides.
I’m not saying either you or his girlfriend are doing anything wrong, just that those are the facts. You are easy to be with because you make no demands; you have no relationship or understanding with him. He doesn’t owe you anything. She is hard work to be with, because relationships, monogamous and otherwise, are hard work.
So are his feelings sincere? Only time will tell. I will bet you they are as sincere as they can be in the moment, but they’ll not last long. The two of you have left him an emotional escape route; sooner or later he’ll probably take it and hold you to “but you said you wouldn’t get in the way of me and my girlfriend right? So we can just be friends right?”
A guy, who breaks an understanding with girl, will not keep an understanding with another. He’s already proven to you that although his feelings may be sincere, he is willing to act selfishly and put his feelings above the feelings of those he professes to care about.
Take it from a girl who been around the block in a few different kinds of open relationships and a few monogamous ones too. DO NOT THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU AREN’T MONOGAMOUS MEANS HE CAN’T OR WON’T NEED TO BETRAY YOU TOO! It’s a common mistake we girls make getting into open relationships. Betrayal is possible in an open relationship too and open relationships take a level of trust and selflessness this guy has so far, not demonstrated.
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If he can have sex with you, then he's not in love with his girlfriend.
The both of you girls need to cut him short. He's an ass & who knows how many times he's done this before. You could be just another girl, and I'm betting you were.
Guys will say anything to get into someone's pants. Whether he's 28 or not.
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Well, your standards are not as high as you say if you would fall for a guy who would cheat on his girlfriend of four years with a girl who should be in a different stage of life than he is in. He should be seriously committed to his girlfriend. Instead, he's sleeping with you behind her back. And I think you're wrong. Sex with another is not the only way of cheating - emotional intimacy is just as sacred to a relationship as sex and he gave that to you instead of his girlfriend. He cheated on you with her even before the sex. Now maybe you're just so perfect for him that he would not have done it with anyone else. However, I think he was letting his junk call the shots when he hooked up with you. If it's really a matter of two soulmates finding each other, even though one was already attached, he will break it off with his girlfriend soon so he can be with you. If not, then just know that he is not in love with you or for some reason can't break things off with the girlfriend. You will probably not end up together and you will likely be better off because of it. He has to live with his infidelity. He'd better hope his girlfriend never finds out.
I think he was sincere about really liking you. But an honest guy doesn't sleep with someone when he's already in a relationship with someone else. He may not be the devil, but he's no angel either. Be realistic and proceed with caution.
Sabine
You said: Good answer. Very honest, which I liked. But try looking at it from the point of view of someone who doesn't believe monogamy... That is why him having a girlfriend doesn't bother me... My main concern is if he is just after sex, I want to know if his feelings are sincere in that aspect...
I'm not judging you on not believing in monogamy. There are some people who simply don't believe it's in human nature. However, does your guy believe in monogamy? Moreover, does his girlfriend *think* he believes in monogamy? That's more important. Surely you don't believe in letting someone mistakenly think you're being monogamous, right? So this guy can't have it both ways. He either believes in it and honors his committment to his girlfriend or he tells his girlfriend that he does not believe in monogamy and they agree to either have an open relationship or no relationship at all. No betrayal, no guilt. You're in a difficult situation. You have my best wishes. Again, Sabine.
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