I'm a woman in Texas. I'm married and have a school-aged child. I have a medical background. I'm quite liberal, socially. I love helping people with medical, parenting, and social questions. Don't ask me about tech stuff or finances, because I need advice on those things myself!
Gender: Female
Location: Texas
Age: 34
Member Since: December 17, 2006
Answers: 795
Last Update: September 2, 2007
Visitors: 49964
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Xenolan
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Hi Sabine,
I'm the person whose question "dating dilemna(self-loathing)" you answered today. I was just a little unclear on one point-do you agree with Xenolan that I should try emailing this guy, or do you thik that as he didn't ask for my details, it isn't worth my time? I really think that he was shy-he wasn't "flirting" in the manner of someone who is easy with girls and knows how to make them jump, it really felt like he liked or was at least comfortable around me. Or do you think that a guy is NEVER too shy to ask a woman out?
Thanks, and sorry to bother you again. (link)
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So sorry for the long delay. This was the first week of school for X's and my kiddo, so we've been very busy. :)
Regarding your question, I come from a slightly different perspective than many women and I think that X was interested to see how I would respond to you when he asked you to contact me. You see, we met when we were 19 and college students. We exchanged numbers the first time we met and he asked me to call him because he was moving back home and I was going to be moving out of the dorms. I called him that summer, when we were back in the same town, and I left a message. He didn't get back with me right away, so I called again. He finally did get back with me and we went out. 3 years later, after we had been dating for quite a while and always talked about 'someday' getting married, I had a miscarriage. After that, I told him blatantly 'I'm not going to be your girlfriend forever.' That spurred him into the necessary action. We were married 5 years after our first date. We had been full-time students and he was living with his parents, so it was simply impractical for us to be married before then. I have not had to push anything since then. We have bought a house together and we have a sweet child and none of those things are because I pushed him, just so you don't get the wrong idea.
Anyway, I am a feminist. I believe that women and men are equals. I am not completely traditional in that I wanted him to ask me to marry him, but I didn't want him to surprise me and I wanted a say in the style of the ring I'd be wearing the rest of my life. I think that an equal partnership begins with each partner being able to freely express what he or she wants the relationship to be. So it's hard for me to give some people advice because I am simply different than most young women I've seen.
That being said, your question specifically about whether you should e-mail him? My response is 'why not?' I would e-mail him once. I would not let my hopes and dreams hang on whether he responds or not. When I met X, I was openly dating (not sleeping with any) 3 other guys. As soon as he asked me out on a third date and I was falling for him, I ended my relationships with the others.
No, I don't think it's the case that a guy is never too shy to ask a woman out. Absolutely not. I've known far too many men who had a crush on someone but who wouldn't tell her.
You're no bother, and again I'm sorry it took so long to get back with you. Please let me know if there's something further I can help you with.
Sabine
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Hi Sabine, I'm posting this question to you on the advice of your husband :-), who gave me an excellent response. But I'd love a female perspective as well, plus I really rate you both as a husband and wife team!
My problem is that I have a lot of self loathing. I always was the boring one at school(I'm 23/f)shy, and liabale to be overlooked. Yawn, yawn, that's all in the past, and the good news is that I have moved on a lot. I have been in several highly abusive heterosexual relationships, which has fuelled my feeling that that's all I'm worth. But last week, I felt my situation might change. I have a couple staying with me, family friends in their late fifties, who last week invited their nephew over to stay with them (he's 27). We got on well, I felt-when we watched tv, we sat very close so that our arms touched, and I felt quite a good vibe.Then he asked to spend the next Saturday(ie yesterday) with us, which gave me cause for hope. This time, I didn't feel so relaxed(though our arms still touched over T.V.) When it came time to say goodbye, he barely hugged me (unlike last week)and didn't take contact details.(On the plus side, I think he's quite shy, and perhaps he didn't want to be too demonsrative in front of his aunt and uncle). Part of me wants to take the plunge and ask his uncle for his email address, another part feels that if he doesn't make contact, or the next move, I should just let it go(that's what my avid reading of "he's just not that into you" has done for me!)
I think I'm going to go with Xenolan's advice, an take a risk(as it can't hurt) but I'd still be interested in your perspective, whether it differs and if so, why.
Thank you both! (link)
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I really wish I had something insightful to add. I looked at X's advice to you and I think he covered it beautifully and succinctly. He did a great job!
I hope it works for you. I do, however, believe you may be seeing more to this guy's flirting than was intended. You should consider your time and energy too valuable to waste on someone who's inconsistent or wishy-washy. If he's just not that into you, as the book says, there's going to be someone out there who is. And you can find someone who doesn't want to put you down. You just have to believe you deserve it. And you do!
Take care.
Sabine
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what age should i give my baby meats and other foods my sons 1 year old and i dont want to give something to him that will harm him at this age please someone answer (link)
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Hi. At 1 year of age, my child was eating some meats. She loved diced ham. We would sometimes give her ground beef that had been broken up into small pieces. At 1 year of age, we let her eat anything she wanted and that we ate except honey and nuts unless the texture was unmanageable. My experience with babies is that you are the best judge of what your child can do. :)
Sabine
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Hi My problem is well I have been bfs with this friend lets call her jo for almost five years now and I have always been there for her and she for me but you see she turned 18 a few months back and I dont turn until two weeks and well I new she would get new friends and yes I am a little jealous I supppose but its not unfounded you see she recently made this new friend lets say amy and well she doesnt have time for me now. we used to phone each other every night and now when she tells me to phone shes never there shes out with amy. It at first didnt bother me but now it pisses me off cause we made a deal that we would never let someone come between us and that wed always be there for each other.
Also any time we spend time together as I say a rareity in itself shes always txtin or phonin this person and not payin any attention to the fact that shes supposed to be with me.
I guess what im sayin is that I think Im loseing the one person I have ever trusted and Its killin me and I cant tell her cause then ahll lose her anyway and that will kill me once and for all.
Another thing that really bugged me was she asked me if I wanted to go clubbing with her and when I said yes as its the week after my bday she said that I could "TAG ALONG" with her and amy.
I really need help cause this is really gettin me down and soz its so long.
lxx
please help!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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Oh, dear. That promise you made to never let someone come between you and to always be there for each other is very sweet. It's just nearly impossible to do. Ask most people. It's the natural order of things that people will drift in and out of your life. Once you get a serious boyfriend or girlfriend, you will see that friendships get put on the backburner. Maybe it's just a new friendship with exciting things for Jo to do with Amy, but I think your friend is simply drifting away.
My advice to you is that you have to learn to be okay with that. It's the nature of things. You should find someone else to fulfill you in the way Jo does now. If you want to maintain your relationship with Jo, I suggest you start getting cozy with Amy as well. There may be nothing to do to save the close relationship you have with Jo, but it might be worth a try making your friendship a threesome with Amy (not sexually). Try not to be a third wheel. It really sounds to me, though, like Jo is looking for more adventure or a different type of relationship than you and she share.
Best wishes.
Sabine
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the other night i had some friends over to watch movies. it was supposed to be just girls, but then my best friend asked if these two guys could come over too. normally i wouldn't have cared, but my boyfriend was out of town, and i knew he'd be mad if i had guys over when he wasn't there. so i told my friend that, but she really wanted them to come because she likes one of them. so i told her i didnt want to officially invite them, but if they just "happened" to drop by (wink wink), then what could i do? so of course they came over. i planned on telling my boyfriend that they just stopped by, looking for him (and that part is true... they really did assume he would be there). but so far i haven't been able to bring it up. and now for the problem. my friend actually told the guys that it was ok with me if they came over, so it sort of IS like i invited them. and soon my boyfriend and i will be seeing them at a party. im sure they'll bring up my little movie night, and i wont be able to act like "oh, it was such a surprise when you came over!", cuz they'd be like, what the heck? aggghhhhh! what should i do? i dont want my boyfriend to think he cant trust me! i wish i had just told my friend no!
ps. its not like i did anything wrong with these guys - they were flirting with my friend the whole time, and they know me and my bf are practically married lol - but my boyfriend and i sort of have an agreement that we wont hang out with other girls/guys unless we're both there.
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Are you going to be able to sustain your arrangement with your boyfriend over the long-term? I'll tell you, it's impractical. Even if you don't think it's unreasonable to stay away from people of the opposite gender unless your boyfriend's there, it's just not something that I can see you or anyone doing in the long-term.
Asking that you don't see/talk to anyone of the opposite gender while you are not there is controlling behavior and may be a sign of more serious issues such as mental or physical abuse, so please be careful! Now, the way I'd handle it is to casually mention that they came along with your friend the other night and when you arrive at the party, just saying "I'm glad you dropped by with FRIEND Friday (or whatever)." You should never have to lie, excuse, or cover up whom you have been with to your boyfriend. If you are doing that, there are serious problems with your relationship.
And, you're obviously nervous, saying "caught in a lie" in the title of your post. Don't worry. Play it casual. Otherwise, BF will be suspicious of you for the wrong reason.
I hope it works out.
Sabine
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i just started my period what do i do? (link)
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You get cleaned up, put a pad in your panties and go about your day. Take Tylenol if you need it for pain. Try to avoid eating too much salt because it can cause you to retain fluids. Get plenty of sleep and take an iron supplement if you don't usually get enough protein sources with iron. And you should probably tell a parent/guardian.
Congratulations.
Sabine
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Lately I've just been feeling terrible. I don't even know - lost and miserable and like I can't turn to anyone with any of this. There's nothing really wrong with my life. I just can't stop crying. (link)
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You might benefit from taking this quiz:
http://www.depression.com/depression_questionnaire.html
If you are clinically depressed, there are a few treatment options, ranging from exercise to talk therapy to drug therapy.
Best wishes.
Sabine
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how far in the vagina is the hymen? (link)
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It's right at the opening of the vagina. See these pictures?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymen
You can't usually put in a tampon without touching it, but sometimes you can use a tampon without rupturing the hymen.
Sabine
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sorry have to ask this question again
my face is uneven i think? it looks so in pictures but i look normal-ish in the mirror when i see myself.
my question is, when other people look at you, is that what you see in the mirror or a flip of you?
also, what about when a picture is taken of you? (link)
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Sorry, but I disagree with the previous adviser. When you look in the mirror, your right eye is closest to the reflection of your right eye and your left eye is the closest to the reflection of your left eye. When people look at you, their left eyes are closest to your right eye and their right eye closest to your left. They see you correctly. The image in the mirror is the one that's flipped. Anyway, most of the time when you look different in pictures, it's because of your expressions. If your face were really uneven, it would be the same unevenness in the mirror as in the pictures. The differences are in the lighting and in your expressions.
Sabine
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my mom made an app. for me to go see the dermatologist. and see if i can use proactiv and if it would work for my type of skin.
will they be cleaning my face or do i specifically have to make an app. for them to do that. (link)
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Usually, when you go to see the dermatologist, you should come in with your face freshly washed clean and no makeup or moisturizer on.
Sabine
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is it possible if you are bulimic that you can cause some kind of heart condition??? (link)
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Yes. Bulimia affects the heart in two ways. It denies the heart the nutrients it needs to make new muscle and repair it. Cardiac muscle is constantly dying and being replenished in all of us, just at a very slow rate. Without the proper proteins and minerals, our cells, including those in our hearts, cannot replenish themselves. This leads to weakened hearts and muscle walls which are more likely to blow holes.
The second thing it does to the heart is to cause it to have problems with muscle and nerve conduction. Calcium, potassium, and magnesium are all necessary for the proper functioning of the cells in the heart. If you throw up a lot, you lose potassium and other electrolytes. That leads to irregular heartbeats and possibly even cell death.
Bulimia is very bad for the heart.
Sabine
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Ok firstly, i know your not doctors but i just want some kind of advice, anything you can give.
Secondly, i dont need you moaning at me about worrying this and worrying that.
Thirdly, dont tell me to go to the doctors, ive tried, they make you wait weeks to get in, i cant wait that long i need some kind of advice.
Ok, im 16, and my periods keep missing lately, and i know it may be nothing and its normal for teens but im the sort of person that has to look into things, i know i shouldnt but i cant help it, its like i HAVE to do it. Ive had my period for years now, and its always been fine.
I read this online, and its kind of worried me..
Disorder: Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) (endocrine disorder)
Causes: Viral infection, exposure to radiation, chromosomal problems, other genetic conditions
Symptoms: Most common: absent periods, irregular periods, hot flashes. Other: Irritability, sleeping disorders, night sweats, vaginal dryness, bladder control problems, mood swings
This can cause you to not be able to have children!!
So my question is.. what are the chances of this??
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You're asking what are the chances that a woman will develop POF? http://www.pofsupport.org/information/factsheet/fact_sheet_english.pdf
That web site says it's between 1% and 4%. If you're asking what the chances are that, given your symptoms, you have POF, I'm sorry I don't know. Are you asking what are the chances that POF will cause infertility? That seems, by the same info sheet, to be 92%-94%.
I hope I've answered your questions.
Sabine
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How much does it cost a month to live in Hillside Villas? (link)
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This is an international web site. We are not just from your hometown. We don't know where Hillside Villas is. I assume it's an apartment complex or neighborhood development in your area? There might be hundreds of places called Hillside Villas all over the country/world. My best advice to you is that you look up the phone number and call them.
Good luck!
Sabine
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IF YOU HAVE 2 BROTHERS TOGETHER IF YOU SEPERATE THEM WHEN THEY ARE STILL KITTEN AGE (LIKE 7 MON) WILL THEY BECOME DEPRESSED? i'VE HEARD THEY DO BUT I DON'T THINK THEY WOULD AS LONG AS IT IS STILL THE SAME PEOPLE HAVING THEM BOTH. (link)
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Well, a 7-month-old kitten is like a teenager cat. They're about half-grown. Some people I've known who separate cats of that age think they do go through a depression and some don't. It's the temperament of the kitties. But if the same people own them, why are they being separated? Do they fight? Do they spray (urine)?
I had 2 cats raised together from the age of 7 weeks. The male tortured the female and he was very jealous and peed all over my daughter's things (only hers - he was very jealous; he was neutered at 7 weeks old). He started biting us and clawing windows trying to get out. Eventually we gave him away. I think he's happier now and I know for sure that the female we kept is much, much happier. She's thinner because she doesn't gobble up the food. She's more affecionate. She's more social when we have guests. Sometimes it's the right thing to do.
Sabine
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what are the chances of me gettings pregnant if i had sex with a condom that had alot of room at the top, and it ended up having a rip in it. My boyfriend was going off while coming out, and i took the plan b morning after pill 30 min after it happened. If the last time i took the pill was the 31 could i still be having problems from it? even if it was the first time i took it? thanks
ps im not on birthcontrol. (link)
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Hey. Sounds like you did everything right. Most people experience "condom failure" at some point in their lives. You took Plan B right away.
I would say that your chances of geting pregnant are very low, but I don't know the exact statistical number. The web site, http://www.go2planb.com/ForConsumers/Index.aspx
says that it reduces your chance of getting pregnant by _up to_ 89%. So if your chances of getting pregnant were, say, 10%, those chances would be changed to, at the very least risk, 1.1%. That's just an example.
The good news is that you took it right away. Man, if my daughter were sexually active I would definitely want her to be like you - prepared and ready to take control and make darned sure nothing happens! I admire you.
I don't know what you mean by "could I still be having problems from it?"
Best wishes for you (and I don't think the chances are enough for you to worry about).
Sabine
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question:
Johns Hopkins
Pardon me, as I am completely clueless. If anyone else knows more about transfers, please help me.
Is it possible for me to transfer from a normal college like, say, Rutgers to JHU after freshman year?
Does it not matter to get into a good college? because freshman year is when you have to take all your prerequisites anyway and theres no point in attending a good college because of all the pressure of high scores (in my case, i dont have good anything) when you can just transfer, right?
They require a GPA above a 3.0 and there is no minimum SAT/ACT score, whatever that means. Does that mean they require SAT II's, letter recommendations, and whatnot?
One last question, I don't understand the different umm departments? in colleges/universities. Can I get into Rutgers but not into Rutger's Pharmacy? Or are those two separate applications? If I get into plain Rutgers the first year undecided without a major, can I switch into JHU and get into the Medicine department? Or do I have to be extremely qualified and what does that mean? The transfer site for JHU says the transfer students are competitive? Is it even likely for me to have a chance at all? ("Due to space and availability" blah blah this is not a sure thing blah..)
Thank you for any help! I would appreciate it greatly.
your answer:
Sabine answered Tuesday June 26 2007, 10:49 pm:
Really, you need to be speaking with an Admissions Counselor for JHU and asking all of these questions. Yes, usually you apply for a university, such as Rutgers, but then you have to apply separately to some of the colleges or departments. JHU Medical School is likely to be VERY competitive. It's one of the better medical schools in the nation. Possibly the best. To be "extremely qualified," you would likely have to show that you have a great G.P.A., you have recommendations from professors in the department, and you have done your extra-curriculars, such as sports and volunteer work. Whether you have a chance at all, I can't say. I know that college applicant pools in general are very large right now. Everyone seems to want to go, so they have the ability to pick and choose from those with the best recommendations, grade point averages, and extra-curriculars. Being your best at all those things are what I think you should concentrate on at your listed age of 15. When the summer before your senior year arrives, you should already have a list of a few schools you'd like to attend and which you think you could get in. Then you should visit those schools if it's possible. Then you should apply as soon as you are allowed. Another thing to realize is that sometimes starting out at one college and transferring to another is a waste of time and money because sometimes the college you're transferring to will not accept the credit from the other school - they will say that class is not one of their requirements, that the course is taught differently and is less vigorous or expansive, or that you have reached a limit on the maximum amount of hours you're able to transfer in.
The Admissions Counselors can help guide you through what you need to know. Contact Rutgers and JHU.
Good luck and work hard! Sabine
where do i have a "listed age of 15". are people allowed to view who asks the questions? (link)
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I am confused about your question. Is it just this:
where do i have a "listed age of 15". are people allowed to view who asks the questions?
If that's what you want to know, I have a paid account. That allows me to see what age people have listed. Yours currently says 17. I can click on another link to 'view more questions asked by this user.' This is what I get:
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I don't get a name or anything else. If I have missed your real question, I'm sorry.
Sabine
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Ok you said something about Clomid I actually would like to have more than one at a time.It would be killing 2 birds with one stone.I realy only want 3. or something like that. So do you think if I asked him to give it to me he would.Or would he tell me to wait.Me and my Fiance were planning on getting pregnant before this year was over please help me (link)
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OOOooh. I don't even know how likely it is that your endocrinologist or OB/GYN would give you Clomid. Sorry. :( I wish I knew. If you call tomorrow, his nurse might be able to advise you on this. I think it depends on the doctor's prescribing habits, your medical history, and how long you've been trying.
Sabine
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Ok so I went to the doctor took some blood test and said in to weeks he'll give me some type of medicine to help me get pregnant.The medicine is called Metformin or something like that.Does anyone know about how long it will take for me to get pregnant.I'm so impatient since I've been trying for ever.PLEASE HELP ME. (link)
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Well, I'm not a doctor, but I'm not a teenager, either. Metformin is used to treat Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, which is abbreviated PCOS. Your doctor is treating your PCOS because he or she believes that is the cause of your infertility. The reason people with PCOS don't get pregnant is because their ovaries are full of cysts and therefore don't function. My sister had this and the only way she got pregnant was, oddly enough, on birth control pills. I also saw quite a bit of it through my previous work in the medical field.
No one can really say how long it will take you to get pregnant on metformin. It depends on how quickly your ovaries recover and start to function. Sorry to be vague, but there just aren't good answers. It's normal, also, for people who are perfectly healthy to take 6 mo to 1 year to conceive. So I'd say you should probably give it that much time. Some women I've known with PCOS have also used Clomid to stimulate ovulation. You can ask your doctor about that, but s/he may not want you to go on that as it can cause multiples (twins, triplets, or higher).
If I could do something more, I would, but you have my best wishes.
Sabine
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im 16 and have never touched seafood.. mainly because were not sure if im allergic my mom is allergic and so is my grandpa.. but my dad isnt and he lovessss it. well yeah ive never tried it because im afraid of the consequences but also when i was little it didnt look appealing to me to eat.. now that im 16 it loooks sooo good and my mouth waters watching everyone around me eating it. I really want to try it.. My mom called the doctor and they said the only way to find out if im allergic is to try it and wait to see any results. Is that really the only way to find out? what if i am allergic and i eat it>??? (link)
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Well, since an allergy is your body's reaction against something it has previously recognized as a hazard, there is no way that someone who has never had seafood can be allergic to it. Likely the first time you try it you will be fine. It's the second and every time after that you should worry about. Does your mom have an epipen? As the previous adviser said, those are life-savers. At the very least, you should have Benadryl (syrup works faster) around if you want to try seafood.
It's up to you to decide whether it's worth the risk. Allergies, by the way, are not inherited. They come from your body's memory of something identified as a threat. So just because your grandfather has allergy to seafood does not mean that anyone else in your family would. Your mother may. You probably do not. But the only way to know is to try it. Try just a tiny bit if you want. Make sure you're not too far from medical care if something should happen. Same goes for the 2nd and 3rd times you try it.
Good luck
Sabine
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I have to go to an insullin clinic in a few weeks .. i reallyyyy dont know what to expect. im overweight thats why i have to go, im nervous about what they will say to me. anyone ever been .. any advice on how to stay calm? what am i gonna have to do there? (link)
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They will probably try to educate you to lose weight, exercise, and eat right. They'll likely talk to you about how any carbs, like bread, pasta, and potatoes make your blood sugar rise. They will educate you on your risk for cholesterol and heart problems as well as diabetes.
Sabine
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