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dating dilemna part 2
Hi Sabine,
I'm the person whose question "dating dilemna(self-loathing)" you answered today. I was just a little unclear on one point-do you agree with Xenolan that I should try emailing this guy, or do you thik that as he didn't ask for my details, it isn't worth my time? I really think that he was shy-he wasn't "flirting" in the manner of someone who is easy with girls and knows how to make them jump, it really felt like he liked or was at least comfortable around me. Or do you think that a guy is NEVER too shy to ask a woman out?
Thanks, and sorry to bother you again.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
So sorry for the long delay. This was the first week of school for X's and my kiddo, so we've been very busy. :)
Regarding your question, I come from a slightly different perspective than many women and I think that X was interested to see how I would respond to you when he asked you to contact me. You see, we met when we were 19 and college students. We exchanged numbers the first time we met and he asked me to call him because he was moving back home and I was going to be moving out of the dorms. I called him that summer, when we were back in the same town, and I left a message. He didn't get back with me right away, so I called again. He finally did get back with me and we went out. 3 years later, after we had been dating for quite a while and always talked about 'someday' getting married, I had a miscarriage. After that, I told him blatantly 'I'm not going to be your girlfriend forever.' That spurred him into the necessary action. We were married 5 years after our first date. We had been full-time students and he was living with his parents, so it was simply impractical for us to be married before then. I have not had to push anything since then. We have bought a house together and we have a sweet child and none of those things are because I pushed him, just so you don't get the wrong idea.
Anyway, I am a feminist. I believe that women and men are equals. I am not completely traditional in that I wanted him to ask me to marry him, but I didn't want him to surprise me and I wanted a say in the style of the ring I'd be wearing the rest of my life. I think that an equal partnership begins with each partner being able to freely express what he or she wants the relationship to be. So it's hard for me to give some people advice because I am simply different than most young women I've seen.
That being said, your question specifically about whether you should e-mail him? My response is 'why not?' I would e-mail him once. I would not let my hopes and dreams hang on whether he responds or not. When I met X, I was openly dating (not sleeping with any) 3 other guys. As soon as he asked me out on a third date and I was falling for him, I ended my relationships with the others.
No, I don't think it's the case that a guy is never too shy to ask a woman out. Absolutely not. I've known far too many men who had a crush on someone but who wouldn't tell her.
You're no bother, and again I'm sorry it took so long to get back with you. Please let me know if there's something further I can help you with.
Sabine
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