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dating dilemna(self-loathing)


Question Posted Sunday August 26 2007, 6:24 am


Hi Sabine, I'm posting this question to you on the advice of your husband :-), who gave me an excellent response. But I'd love a female perspective as well, plus I really rate you both as a husband and wife team!
My problem is that I have a lot of self loathing. I always was the boring one at school(I'm 23/f)shy, and liabale to be overlooked. Yawn, yawn, that's all in the past, and the good news is that I have moved on a lot. I have been in several highly abusive heterosexual relationships, which has fuelled my feeling that that's all I'm worth. But last week, I felt my situation might change. I have a couple staying with me, family friends in their late fifties, who last week invited their nephew over to stay with them (he's 27). We got on well, I felt-when we watched tv, we sat very close so that our arms touched, and I felt quite a good vibe.Then he asked to spend the next Saturday(ie yesterday) with us, which gave me cause for hope. This time, I didn't feel so relaxed(though our arms still touched over T.V.) When it came time to say goodbye, he barely hugged me (unlike last week)and didn't take contact details.(On the plus side, I think he's quite shy, and perhaps he didn't want to be too demonsrative in front of his aunt and uncle). Part of me wants to take the plunge and ask his uncle for his email address, another part feels that if he doesn't make contact, or the next move, I should just let it go(that's what my avid reading of "he's just not that into you" has done for me!)
I think I'm going to go with Xenolan's advice, an take a risk(as it can't hurt) but I'd still be interested in your perspective, whether it differs and if so, why.
Thank you both!


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Sabine answered Wednesday August 29 2007, 3:44 am:
I really wish I had something insightful to add. I looked at X's advice to you and I think he covered it beautifully and succinctly. He did a great job!

I hope it works for you. I do, however, believe you may be seeing more to this guy's flirting than was intended. You should consider your time and energy too valuable to waste on someone who's inconsistent or wishy-washy. If he's just not that into you, as the book says, there's going to be someone out there who is. And you can find someone who doesn't want to put you down. You just have to believe you deserve it. And you do!

Take care.

Sabine

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