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make it obvious
ok, so i'm 15/f and i'm gay, it's not too big a deal in my community, but i am still worried about coming out because there are some people who would kind of shun me and such. Anyways, there is this girl who is 17 and she's a lesbian, and i kind of like her, but that doesn't really matter because she has a girlfriend and i would never want to come between them. anyways, i kind of would like to just talk to her about it and stuff because i look up to her a lot, and the only person i can talk to is my best friend, who is cool with me being gay, but not too helpful since she's straight.
anyhow, this 17 year old girl thinks i'm straight probably and i want to start dropping hints, not just towards her, to everyone that i'm gay because i really dont want to just come out and say it.
what should i do? wear, act, say.......??? please help, I feel like if i just said i was gay I would lose some of my friends, and also because people would be like, so what we don't care, like it doesn't matter enough to just announce it, lol
ok if anyone-gay or straight, has any tips for dropping hints that would be awesome.
thanks in advance, if I don't like your advice i won't rate you bad i promise
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Ok i recently went through the same thing. I'm 15 and the girl i liked is 17 i just told her i was a lesbian. Then we started hanging out and now we're like best friends. When I started hanging out with her more people started to think I was gay because everyone knows she is...I let that be my way as dropping hints. You shouldn't change who you are (like the way you dress or act) to let people know that you are gay. To tell you the truth most lesbians can tell when other people are lesbians. So just give it time. If people don't start catching on then I would suggest just telling a few people.
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Well, a lot of people wonder how to 'drop hints' they are gay when they are first deciding to come out. Some people end up changing their appearance or trying to look more like a 'lesbian.' But the simple fact is that lesbians are like anyone else, and it's impossible to accurately tell someone's sexuality from looking at them.
It might actually be really helpful to talk to an older lesbian like this girl - after all, she will have gone through exactly what you are going through. She'll be able to offer empathy and understanding, and possibly share her own experiences with you. My only caution would be that if you like her, getting close to her might end up hurting you - particularly as she has a girlfriend.
Many larger areas have community centres or youth groups for gay people. This can be a good way to connect with other people, ask for advice, share your worries, etc.
The fact is that is is extremely difficult to be only 'partway' out. It's hard to dwell in a middle ground. Any uncertainty you have about telling people you're a lesbian should be thought carefully about, and then perhaps you can just start out by telling close friends you feel will be accepting. After all, you're best friend has accepted you - they are proof that people can be cool with being gay.
You will also want to pick discrete people if you are not ready for other people to know. But do be aware that the grapevine is real - if you are not ready for many people to know, reflect on why that is and if you are willing to take the risk of telling a few people and having many more find out.
Telling people you are gay is a very liberating and excellent experience, but that's not to say it's without doubts or conflict. Take your time, figure out how to best be yourself, and then do it. It's the only way to be comfortable with your sexuality, and yourself.
I wish you the best.
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It really is better just to come right out with it. If you become the steriotyipcal gay guy, people will start nasty rumors and you'll just be teased for it. Just wait for it to come up in a conversation, like if someone asks you if you have a girl in mind, etc. Tell the girl. Since she's a lesbian, Im sure she'll understand what your going through.
-Abby
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Honestly hun, if you are ready to tell people, it’s simpler to just tell them when it comes up in conversation. Changing your attitude or the way you dress, is only going to make those who would be uncomfortable more uncomfortable.
Nothing needs to change. You haven't changed. You'll be precisely the same person you were yesterday. There is no need for change. Being gay isn’t a problem, and it doesn’t define you. You probably already know that! But don’t do things that will give others the idea that is a problem or that you have changed.
Let it come out naturally. One of my favorite moments was with a good friend of mine who was asked “Don’t think Tom Cruise is hot.” And she said “No. Jessica Alba, now she is HOT.” And when they gave her a weird look she laughed and said “What? You couldn’t tell to look at me?”
It was silly, it was lighthearted and it was true to who she was. That’s the goal.
If other people have a problem, that’s their problem, not yours.
As for your older lesbian friend, just out and tell her what’s on your mind and that you hope she would talk to you about it. She’ll probably be thrilled to listen and help and tell her own story.
You never need to hide behind games to feel safe. You just need a bit of courage and a bit of confidence.
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ok im not gay so if my advice absolutely sucks im sorry but, i do understand how its probably difficult for you to just come out and say it so if you just want ppl to assume it kind of then heres some tips that i hope are useful
1. maybe hang out with more girls and drop hints with them and come out to them( girls are big gossipers and will get the word out haha)
2. act more feminine-carry a manbag or just something like that say 'omg' alot and 'like'
3. if you have a myspace takes pictures that have you acting like a girl or that have u holding the peace sign or something
...if any of these things affended anyone im really sorry...im just trying to tell him what most teenage kids dentify gay kids being like so SORRY!
hope i helped
-katie
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Okay, the first thing I want to say is that, if you lose friends over being gay, they were never your true friends. It's corny and cheesy, but whatever-it's true. I don't know how you know her, whether it's school or whatever, but you guys should try and hang out a little more. If you get to know her more, you'll probably become close and it will be easier to drop hints and to just come out and say you like her.
God bless the lesbians!!!
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